Chapter XXIX: Partners

"You ok?"

"Huh?" Ren looked up at Hao who just returned from the copy machines where he copied pages from encyclopedias since they can't be borrowed. It was after school and they were at the library, collecting and organizing sources for a research project they were paired partners to. They had to put together a paper for a flower—the dahlia—they were assigned to in science class that morning.

"Wait, did honor student Ren Tao actually forget?"

Ren remembered Hao snicker and how he could only respond with a warning glare because he was too embarrassed to admit that was exactly the case. Ren was rushing through the crowded halls when Hao caught him and if it weren't for the brunette, he would've completely forgotten about the assignment and gone to the greenhouse he was supposed to meet Horokeu. But now that he has been reminded, Ren's every intention was to get it done before the weekend. Especially if it's due Monday.

"You keep looking at your phone." The brunette nodded towards Ren's phone that was sitting on the table. "And you've been on the same page for a while." Ren looked down at the webpages he printed out from the computer rooms upstairs. His highlighter was stopped in the middle of a sentence, the bright neon ink creating a blotch and seeping through to the other papers below.

"I just..." Ren hastily lifted the highlighter from the paper, his own cheeks getting blotched vividly with heat. "I was just dozing off." The transparency of his lie made him chew the inside of his cheek. But he didn't know what else to say. Despite how important he knew it was to get this report done, he was also very much aware of how distracted he was.

Ren hasn't heard from Horokeu yet. He texted the blunette several times that he can't make it to the greenhouse today after he and Hao decided to head to the library. He even once lied that he needed to use the bathroom so he can call. Horokeu didn't answer. It bothered Ren, to say the least. Enough to make him check his phone frequently enough that Hao noticed his restlessness.

"You wanna head out, then?" But Hao shrugged, not seeming to suspect anything of Ren's lie. "I think we got enough of what we need for this stupid project anyway." Ren nodded and gathered everything spread on the table while Hao went to return the encyclopedia. When he disappeared behind the shelves, Ren glanced at his phone again. Still nothing from Horokeu, making Ren's brows furrow. But he switched his face back to neutral when Hao returned.

"Wasn't there extra credit if we can get a sample of the flower we're assigned?" Hao asked thoughtfully as they walked out of the library. Ren looked at him, genuinely surprised. To be honest, Ren couldn't deny how impressed he was by his roommate's commitment. He claims the assignment is stupid but he's actually putting the effort to get it done, to get it done right, even. He never thought of Hao for taking anything related to school seriously, much less an assignment he considered to be stupid. Maybe it's because despite being roommates with the brunette, he's never actually seen Hao work on any assignment. Ren remembers him seeming more concerned with bending, breaking, or outright ignoring the rules. It seemed so ironic to witness this other, more unlikely side of him. Plus, the other Hao he's known... well, Ren can't even imagine him going to school like a normal human.

"Yeah but I don't think we're going to find it growing this time of year." Ren shook his head as he remembers reading in the websites he printed that the dahlia was a summer flower. A part of him hoped his roommate wasn't suggesting to purchase it at a flower shop over the weekend. The reason he even wanted to get this project done so soon was because he didn't want it to take up his weekend.

"How about a greenhouse?" Hao's question was like a cold hand grabbing Ren's guts, making his feet stop abruptly.

"What?" Ren could barely muster an audible whisper.

"I heard this school has a greenhouse." Hao also stopped and turned back at Ren like he didn't even notice the other was already three steps behind him. "Maybe we can find one there."

"But...i-is that necessary?" Ren forced his voice to keep steady, his face cool and uninterested. "If we do the report right, we won't even have to worry about extra credit."

"I guess." Hao shrugged and Ren felt his nerves lax from the relief. "But I don't think it'd hurt to try. Come on." In just a second and a half Hao sent another stone plummeting in Ren's stomach again. Cold dread overwhelmed the smaller teen all over again as his roommate resumed his steps. That's it, he's decided. Panic mobilized Ren's feet to follow him as his head circled for something else to stop him.

"Do you even know where this greenhouse is?"

"I heard it's on the property." Hao kept going, and Ren swallowed the growing lump stuck in his throat before it choked his voice.

"...Who'd you hear about it from?"

"A friend." Hao finally stopped and turned around to Ren, the suddenness of his movement startling him before he could ask which friend. "What's wrong, Ren? It's just a greenhouse."

"Nothing." Ren couldn't find anything to justify his insistence, easily understanding why it made Hao curious. When Horokeu never responded to his texts or calls, it didn't put Ren into a paranoid panic like the first day he woke up at this school. He thought the worst-case scenario would be the blunette ends up waiting for Ren all day. Maybe he'll even have to listen to him complain. Maybe they'd end up arguing about it all through lunch. But if Horokeu really didn't see Ren's text, if he's still there waiting for the younger male thinking he will show up late, if Hao really finds the greenhouse that Horokeu might still be waiting in, if he finds Horokeu there... Knowing Hao's keenness, it won't be hard for him to figure out anything. It won't be a secret—their secret—anymore.

Ren pulled out his phone. To give the impression that he was just worried about the time. Even though he was well aware that they had plenty. Considering how long he hasn't heard from Horokeu, he wasn't sure if there's a point in checking again.

Ok, cool. Tomorrow then

Ren caught himself before the message from Horokeu showing on the screen made him breathe a sigh out loud. The blunette finally saw Ren's text and believes Ren won't be meeting him today. He's probably left already himself.

"Ok, we still have some time." The approval in Ren's voice was honest and Hao responded with a satisfied smile. Ren doubts that it'd ever cross Hao's mind that the greenhouse they were headed to was his and Horokeu's newest hangout. That it had become their secret fortress that not even Hao knew about. He didn't even know that Ren hadn't planned to go straight back to their dorm like he used to. The brunette had discovered only a few months ago that Horokeu had been regularly visiting their dorm to study with Ren. Before that, Ren used to go straight back to their dorm and do his homework alone. So the Asakura initially had a hard time accepting such a recent, even drastic change in his roommate's social life—which virtually used to be non-existent. Ren and Horokeu were (might still be) known for being mortal enemies after all.

"I think we found it." Hao's voice made Ren blink out of the depths of his thoughts. They had arrived sooner than he expected. He looked ahead and the tall dome-topped glass structure came in view. As they neared it he realized they needed to go around it to the other side for the front door. But instead, Ren stopped and stared at the transparent wall in front of him. At the blue-haired figure sitting against it with his back facing Ren—and the boy straddled on his lap. At his lithe arms wrapped around the blunette's neck, his pretty face leaned in over his shoulder, his full lips shaped into a sultry smile saying something into the blunette's ear. At how near those delicate lips were to his ear. At how near their bodies were. Ren wondered if he couldn't hear what he was saying because of his loud, screaming heart.

"Isn't that Aoi?" But Hao's voice reached him.

"...Who?" Ren managed to utter even though he still couldn't tear his eyes away.

"Aoi Nanase." Ren could hear the impish hint of Hao's grin when he said the name. "The biggest slut in school." Ren felt the walls in his throat close. And as if he heard them, the boy now known as Aoi peered out the glass wall he was facing and looked at them. Noticing his shifted attention and his body gone frozen because of it, the blunette he was sitting on turned his head back. Onyx eyes went wide with horror when they met with unblinking gold.

There was some part of Ren that hoped it was someone else. Someone else with blue hair. Someone else who looked so much like him from the back. Anyone but him. But that face proved he was wrong for clutching on such false hope. And that was it. Ren felt his chest cave and his heart cleave with a snap. He couldn't stay and the moment he turned around he bit his lip to suppress the welling in his eyes. It took every effort in his bones to will his feet to walk away like he wasn't attacked by the impulse to run instead. Even though he could barely feel the ground. He had to keep from showing how tattered his dignity was. No matter how much he wanted to scream. No matter how much he wanted to ask—How? How could he have forgotten?

He said it himself that he wasn't looking for anything serious. All the things he's ever said to him, all the ways he touched him, everything they did...he's probably already done them all with someone else. There can always be someone else.

He was never serious.

The ringing in his ears blocked out everything, including any noise caused by the feet running after him.

"Ren!" Horokeu's voice calling his name only made Ren bite down on the rage it inspired. He yanked his hand out of the Ainu's, swinging his arm so hard he whirled around to end up facing him. His stare alone was enough for Horokeu to know he didn't want him to come any closer. Horokeu didn't have the nerve to pretend the message didn't reach him.

"Ren, please, just hear me out."

"No, it's fine." Ren shook his head, successfully keeping his voice calm and steady. "I get it, you don't need to explain."

"Ren—"

"I said, I get it." But he felt like he was using every muscle in his face for his expression to keep up the same front. "He can give you a lot more than my small-dosed fixes. Hell, you can probably get whatever you want from the biggest slut in school." Horokeu's jaws locked but Ren threw at him a smug smirk. He didn't want to tell him that he didn't even know about that last part until Hao told him seconds ago. He didn't want him to know how oblivious he really was.

"I don't know why Aoi was even there." Ren could tell Horokeu was putting quite an effort not to blow up at his accusation. But more than that, Ren noticed him say his name. A muscle in his face twitched.

"He was there for you, obviously."

"Look, I didn't respond to your text or call right away because I fell asleep while waiting for you. When I woke up, I sent my text, and I was about to leave but then Aoi suddenly shows up. I don't know how he knew about that greenhouse. Maybe he just found it out of dumb luck, I seriously don't know. But I've never brought him there! I told you, you're the only one I've ever shown it to." But despite the honesty he could hear Horokeu was trying to communicate, Ren glared back at him with unchanging distrust, hating how much he wanted to believe him.

"At least now I know what you really like to use that place for." Horokeu's jaws dropped like he didn't know what to do with the rush of emotions he was subject to. But it was easy to see what kind of emotions were rising in him as the look on his face was changing to pure disgust. Ren wasn't sure if it was because of the idea, or the fact that it was even suggested—that Ren had suggested it.

"I wasn't going to—"

"You almost did with me." The younger one spat, refusing to let him finish, as he thought about that night he missed curfew. It was infuriating that even under these circumstances, the memory still caused his cheeks to redden.

"It was just that once!" Horokeu seethed through his teeth.

"Are you also going to try to tell me that what I just saw never happened before!?" Ren snorted in calloused amusement.

"All I can tell you is, it wasn't anything I planned." Horokeu's brows drew close as he could feel a migraine approaching. "I was going to leave. But I couldn't because... well, you saw him. I swear, I was telling him to get off of me!" Just thinking about it made the blunette cup a hand over his eyes and shake his head. "But I didn't ask for any of it, I swear!"

"...But has it happened before?" Horokeu moved his hand from his eyes to look at Ren again.

"What?"

"You say...you say you never asked for it." But Ren wasn't looking at him anymore and there was a hesitated pause before he continued. "But he was all over you like...like he knew...knew you wouldn't mind... Like it happened before." Ren swallowed hard as his own words made him want to hurl more than the image filling his head. "So, did it? Have you ever been with him?" Horokeu didn't say anything for a while. Ren thought he couldn't look at him until he heard something but he couldn't stop his golden eyes from slowly moving to his face again. He could've passed for indifference if it weren't for his eyes. They begged for the blunette to answer him.

"...We've had a couple of flings in the past." Horokeu closed his eyes, sighing heavily like he wanted to ask himself why he couldn't just lie. "But it was a long time ago." He added like it was supposed to be some form of apology or compensation.

"Ok." Ren shrugged with a face that didn't change like to really say nothing was going to change anything. "Then it makes sense."

"What?"

"That you called him." Ren shoved his hands down his pockets, because he couldn't stop them from balling up into fists. And he was afraid he wouldn't be able to stop them from flying into Horokeu's face. He already couldn't stop their shaking, which would've ruined the monotone of the rest of his body language. Body language that clearly confused Horokeu.

"What!? No—" Horokeu looked as though he wanted to ask if Ren had even heard anything he said.

"Actually, it really does make sense." But Ren pretended not to notice the confusion. "I wasn't going to show up, so you called Aoi instead." Saying his name almost made his lips twist to the taste, almost break that uncaring monotone he so desperately needed to uphold.

"Ren—"

"I doubt he makes you wait a whole week until the weekends, or tells you to keep your grades up." Ren still refused to let him have a say in anything, and kept hiding behind his senile sarcasm as he continued. "I bet he's not even a tease."

"Ren, stop—"

"I mean, you've said it yourself." Despite how quiet Ren's voice came out, it was sharp enough to feel cutthroat. "You don't want anything serious."

"Ren..." Horokeu whispered the name but the gravity of the other's words—the truth that he did say that once—made him press his lips closed. Regret flitted in his eyes.

"Go ahead and have your flings with whoever you want. I don't care." But his incapable silence only chipped away at Ren's will to hold anything back, bringing out a cruel, mocking laugh from him "Although I do suggest you choose a place that's not made up of glass walls."

"Ren—"

"Sorry I had to be too difficult for you, or if I gave you the impression that I was even serious. I'm just a lot more careful than you are." Ren scoffed, not minding to let the acid drip from his words and sting Horokeu. The blunette looked like he wanted to say something back. But he didn't. After all those attempts at trying to get whatever he had to say through to Ren, now he just stood there. But the stare he was sending Ren—like they caught a glimpse of something in what Ren said. Those eyes were searching. He wasn't defeated, he was groping in the silence. It was unsettling.

"Wait," Ren could hear Horokeu behind him when he turned around to finally walk away from the scene. But he didn't wait. He didn't want to stay. Not when he also heard the realization in that quiet voice, the intuition snagging his tone. If he left now, he can have the last word. But Horokeu grabbed his arm before he could take his third step.

"Ren, what'd you mean by that?" Ren's lips curled to a low snarl, baring his teeth that pressed together in his last effort to hold himself together. But Horokeu's persistence, his question, the alertness in his voice delivering it, they all pointed to the blunette already knowing the answer. And yet he stops Ren, holds him back, to demand to hear it from Ren anyway. To make Ren say it himself. But Ren bit back the words simmering and threatening to rise to his tongue. He jerked his arm in another attempt to get away again. But the Ainu refused to be left unanswered and Ren felt the firm grip of his fingers tighten around his arm, the tug of his hand pull him back again. It was like being shoved into a corner and giving him no choice but to bite back with a howl.

"Do you think you're the only one!?" Ren wrenched his arm and snapped around, yanking free from Horokeu. The Ainu flinched with a blink. His face already said nothing will come out of his slightly agape mouth. But words were flowing out of Ren before he even knew what he was saying.

"What? You're not! I've been with someone else too. Does that surprise you? I told you that I get it. I get it because it's not just you. Except unlike you, I'm not careless enough to get caught. For starters, I keep it off of school grounds. So seriously, I don't care about who you're fucking. It's none of my business, just like all of my flings aren't any of yours!" It's like the air around them froze over. Ren's shoulders rose and fell to his breathing after talking so fast with barely a breath in between his sentences. He stared at Horokeu, waiting for him to react. To see if he still had nothing to say. But the seconds that passed were crushing. He was already embarrassed that he had to be so petty that he'd bring up someone whose name he couldn't even recall anymore. That he was bringing up something that didn't even happen in this world. Ren couldn't stand the self-loathe that followed after his confession and he knew he had to go. All he could do to keep together his marred pride was throw a haughty smirk at Horokeu like some silent claim of victory in whatever dispute they were caught up in. And then he turned away.

"Was it him?" Horokeu didn't grab him this time, but Ren still stopped.

"What?" The younger teen turned around, confused by the intense glare Horokeu was sending him. Ren furrowed his brows, wondering if the bluenette somehow knew him. Ren met him in China. He couldn't even remember his name. He didn't know how What's-his-face and Horokeu could even know each other, or how Horokeu can make the connection if Ren's never even met him here in this world.

"Is it that guy?"

"...Who?" Was all Ren could ask, swallowing on the rising alarm.

"That guy... you always say I remind you of." Something else entirely took over Ren. Horokeu looked away gritting his teeth, frustrated that he didn't even know his name. Unaware of how he was making Ren feel. Ren didn't know how to name what he was feeling. He just suddenly felt sick. So sick he couldn't move, even though he had meant to walk away from there just moments ago. His face was unreadable as Horokeu looks at him again.

"Well? Is he?"

"...Why would you ask me that?" Some part of Ren knew that was the wrong thing to ask. The reasonable side of him knew he just had to say no. The logical side of him knew it should've been easy because it was the truth. But the signals from both sides were missed. He couldn't think straight.

"Because of that face you're making." Horokeu pointed at Ren's face, and Ren drew back.

"He has nothing to do with this." Ren tried not to let his voice quiver, even though he already knew it was too late to try to correct his mistake.

"Bullshit!" Horokeu bellowed and Ren's shoulders jolted. "You think I don't know what this is really about!? That face you make!?"

"What're you talking about?" Horokeu let out a long strenuous breath when he saw how much he had thrown off the smaller male.

"I know it's about him. Whenever I do or say something you don't like, that doesn't fit with him, you make this face! Like...like you're...disappointed." Horokeu breathed the word that he struggled to find and it seemed to set so perfectly that his shoulders slacked. And then the blunette wasn't yelling anymore but his voice was weighed by something he had been holding in for a long time. "Like you're so fucking disappointed that it's really me, that I'm not him. Ok, I get that I remind you of him so much that that's why you wanted to help me in the first place, that it's the reason why you took any interest in me. But I'm not whoever it is you're trying to replace! I can't be him."

"I...I know." Ren mouthed, and the weak resonance of his voice overwhelmed Horokeu.

"Then stop comparing me to him!" The blunette breathed in seething aggravation as he tried not to raise his voice again. Ren stared at him, trying to find his own voice.

"I'm sorry." What came out only made Horokeu's face contort like he was trying not to fall apart.

"Sorry that I'm not who you want me to be?" Horokeu maintained a low, steady voice. But Ren's brows narrowed like he couldn't draw out anything else from his dry mouth. His silence cast a shadow in Horokeu's eyes, putting out the fire that his rage had been running on. The blunette averted his downcast gaze from Ren as he walked around him.

"Let me know when you're ready to see me." He stressed the last word but didn't even look back as he walked away, leaving Ren to stand there alone. Ren couldn't move from his spot, feeling numb all over. All he had to do was say he wasn't comparing them. He just had to tell him he wasn't trying to replace him. But he couldn't.

To be continued…