Alright, this is the last chapter in my backlog. As I mentioned at the start, I'm reposting this from QQ in the hopes it'll jog my muse and I can finish the story. Good news is, I'm working on the next chapter right as I write this, so it worked. Bad news, I have no idea how often I'll update from now on, depends on how quick I can get them done.

A/N: This chapter is written in second person. No idea why, it just came out this way

033 - Ryūzetsu's Whatshisface Interlude: How to deal with the little monster.

It's a quiet and nice day in Kusa. You have no plans to take any mission today, sensei isn't around to train your 'situational awareness', and Shimada isn't in town to rave at your team(mates) about the unfairness of life or beg about news about her own dorm mate. With whom she has a disturbing obsession… and might be also her adoptive sister?

You feel a shiver crawling up your spine. Yeah, not thinking about that. She won't be back for at least a month, so you can occupy your mind with more pleasant thoughts, like how some species of wasps put their eggs inside live spiders, and their larva eats them alive once they hatch.

… You'll miss how she always took care of the bill, though.

"I hear they've finally rebuilt the Boss Dude's office." Ryūzetsu comments, distractedly toying with the straw of her drink.

"I'm surprised he managed to get the workers on board in the first place." Muku answers, ignoring the casual disrespect of our tyrant leader. One can only listen to Shimada so many times before it sticks. "There were rumours that they'd demolish the whole building instead, and build something else somewhere."

"... I'm still confused about that one." You finally pipe in. "The Boss Dude's office gets destroyed and nobody raises a fuss. I was expecting martial law and curfew at the very least. Maybe some public executions."

"We're in a military dictatorship, we're always under martial law."

"Oh, bite me Ryūzetsu!" You get along with your team better than you ever expected, but she can still be a pedantic bitch when she wants to piss you off. "You know what I mean!"

"Oh, yeah, you're not from a clan, so you wouldn't know." Thank god you have Muku. You can always depend on him. "It's simple, really. If you want to live in Kusa you must always remember not to piss off the Shimada. Since they're both helpful and scary as hell, and they don't really go looking for trouble, it's not a hard thing to do. Still, all the old clans have warnings passed down, just in case."

"From time to time though, some of the higher ups either think they're above it or are clanless shinobi who didn't get the memo and try anyway." Ryūzetsu pipes in. "Last time it was my clan elders, and coincidentally we had new leadership instated two years ago. I'll give you three chances to guess who tried now, and the first two don't count.

Another shiver goes down your spine. Like most of your promotion, you've always wondered why Shimada got away with half of the things she did back in the Academy. Especially when she had the whole Haizuki Clan against her. Then you graduated, and someone told you a bit about her family. Months later you still wake up drenched in sweat some mornings, and thank all the kami you're still alive after the stunts you pulled on her back then.

"For what I hear," she continues. "He either tried to either have the little monster put down or... " Now it's her turn to shiver. "Set her up to fail."

"You don't try to make a Shimada fail." Muku explains at your confused expression. "They'll succeed anyway just to spite you, and then bite your head off. He got lucky the current matriarch is so stupidly loyal to the village or we'd be having meetings to pick a new leader about now."

"Sometimes you see her sitting there, rambling about that weird obsession she has with Uzumaki, and she almost seems harmless." You comment, still trying to digest the new information. 'Scary' might fall short, you'll have to find a new word to describe her. "Then you remember she was perfectly willing to gouge an eye out of its socket back when we were ten."

"Nine." Ryūzetsu pedants again. Is 'to pedant' a real verb? Whatever, it is now. "But she's not that bad." At my incredulous look, she lets out a chuckle. "Sure, she's hard to understand, but she's also painfully easy to work with, provided you have two brain cells to rub together."

"Are you suggesting something about her team?"

"I'll bet my heir position nobody in her team tried to sit down with her and have an honest heart-to-heart."

"Bullshit."

"It worked for me." She shrugs. "And I spent years doing my best to turn her life into a living hell. What you need to realize first is that she doesn't care about things most people consider important. She just doesn't think like you or me."

"And you know how she thinks?"

"I know enough. When I say she doesn't care, I mean it. She doesn't give a flying fuck about you, she doesn't have a flying fuck about her team, and I'll eat my forehead protector if she gives more than half a flying fuck about me. In whatever messed up set of priorities she has, most people don't even ping the radar."

She stops to finish her drink while you assimilate her words. It certainly would explain her behaviour, if it didn't exactly detract from the horror. Instead of being a terribly cruel or ruthless individual, she's someone terribly indifferent. Yeah, you're still going to have those recurrent nightmares, but she'll now probably look bored while hacking your arms and legs off and hanging you by his entrails.

"But it also makes her easy to deal with. Because ultimately she doesn't care about you, she won't take offense. Even if by some miracle you manage to piss her off, she'll forget about it as soon as whatever caused the problem disappears. Something I recommend you see to ASAP, because she's liable to gouge your eyes out for a minor offense. Because she just doesn't fucking care."

"Now, she's strong and smart, and scarily competent." Muku continues for her after nodding a couple of times at her explanation. "And keeping her happy is stupidly easy. So don't go around poking the sleeping dragon, and you'll be alright."

"I know I joke sometimes about her not being human, but right now you sound as if..."

"As if she really isn't?" Ryūzetsu finishes for me. "That's because I don't think she is. At least…" She pats her forehead with two fingers. "Up here. 'Little monster' is a title that fits her to a T."

"But she gets along with some people, right? Karin? You two?"

"Yes, some people. Without hows or whys we normal humans can understand. I still have no idea what causes her to take an interest in people." She shakes her head. "Take us two for instance. Muku and me were the strongest in our promotion, sure, but she never gave a flying fuck about that, and she somehow remembered our names from day one, anyway. There's nothing that would explain why she latched onto Uzumaki either. I'll admit she's strong and somewhat cute, but she's not the only cute girl in our class, and she didn't become strong until after Shimada took her under her wing."

"... Maybe she just likes redheads?" You offer. There were no more redheads in your class. Is kind of a rare hair color in the Elemental Nations.

"… Sounds stupid, but who knows with Shimada? It might be as simple as that." She throws her plastic cup at a trash can. It goes wide, but then she throws her straw at it and somehow both things end up going in. After bouncing in a signpost. Muku and you clap a bit and she takes an exaggerated bow before continuing. "Also, I suspect she's being subtly nurtured for our team."

"The Boss Dude dropped the ball with his last stunt." Muku comments. "But everything else adds up."

"It 'adds up'?" You don't like how that sounds. "That makes no sense! And why all the cloak and dagger? Couldn't the Boss Dude just assign her with you from the start?"

"Not if he wanted it to work." She explains. "Since the moment she was pulled away from Uzumaki, she's made very clear her thoughts about it. And I'm pretty sure the Boss Dude knew beforehand."

"I really hope he had good reasons to separate those two, by the way." You mutter, starting to see the logic of it all. "Whatever team she was assigned to, she would resent."

"Meanwhile we're the sympathetic ear who commiserates when she complains about her, as she puts it, 'Karin withdrawal'." She says, making air quotes "It all has to be subtle, though, because if she hears this was the plan from the start, there's a high chance she'll blow it out of sheer spite. Between you and me, I half-expected her team to have suffered a 'unfortunate incident' by now."

"Wait, you mean the Boss Dude set the whole team to die?"

"Don't put words in my mouth that might end up with the Kusa-anbu after my ass." She grumbles. "But they were the graduates and sensei with less potential and that can't be coincidence, so it wouldn't surprise me if he did. Shimada is that useful to the village. Or at least can become such."

"So he's just waiting for one of us to die?" Which means you, because your teammates are leagues ahead.

"Oh, sweet summer child." Ryūzetsu shakes her head in amusement.

"What? What did I say?"

"I would talk with the Boss Dude if I were you, Miki-san." Muku pats your shoulder. "Just in case there's an 'unfortunate incident' slotted for you. In the near future."

"Isn't she a chunin already?" You point out, your voice maybe a pitch higher than usual. "Won't it be easier for the Boss Dude to simply put her in charge of our team instead once we get some more experience?"

"Well, maybe…" Ryūzetsu concedes slowly, obviously wondering why she didn't think of that herself. She looks at Muku, obviously asking for a second opinion.

"She likes us well enough," He agrees slowly. "making the team her responsibility might work."

You deflate in relief, that means you're safe. Heck, it might even be a good thing! Sensei isn't bad, but it's not hard to notice he considers the team a chore half the time. If Shimada is so stupidly effective at everything, she might be a suitable replacement. Maybe you'll even become the next Sannin.

Wait, wouldn't that mean you'd be Jiraiya?

"For now, at least." Muku continues, pulling you out of your daydream. "I mean, sooner or later the Boss Dude will have to concede and put Uzumaki in Shimada's team. And I can guarantee you won't like being in the way of that."

Okay, you're screwed. Time to find a way to get reassigned.

Arc 2: Pile Gambit, END.

I have a P-treon thing now! Actually I have had it for years, but only now I'm using it. Just add Planeshunter after the dot com and it should take you straight there, there's a 18+ warning since the stuff I publish in Questionable Questing isn't for all public though. If you can spare some loose change and feel my writing deserves it, please consider a small pledge.