Hey guys, I just wanted to say thank you to those of you who reviewed the last set of updates. Honestly, I've gotten pretty down over this latest story, seeing views dropping with every update and losing some readers and I've been questioning if I should even finish it. I've written out a message a few times with the plan to post it to my profile explaining that I don't think I can finish the story. But then I get your amazing comments and it pushes me to keep writing. I really wouldn't continue the story without you guys. Thank you so much. I'm so happy to have people reading who really love this series and want to see it continue. Thank you so so much.

Jaydee

General Content Warning: Chapters in this story may contain upsetting or triggering content including but possibly not limited to violence, consensual and non-consensual sexual references and descriptions, drug and alcohol use and abuse, references to or descriptions of mental illness, self-harm or self-injurious behaviour, and references to or discussions of suicide.

~Thirty-Three~

After Cloud dropped the bombshell on him that he'd decided not to come back home to Midgar, Zack wasn't sure what to do. He was furious initially, so much so he didn't stop at breaking just his phone. He broke a couple other things, a few coffee mugs and a picture frame with a picture of him and Aerith in it. The anger only really lasted a couple minutes before he was in action mode, trying to decide what he needed to do to fix the situation.

As badly as he wanted to do it, he knew how big a mistake it would be for him to leave the city illegally and go out to Junon with the aim of dragging Cloud back, against his will if that's what it took. He was, however,seriously considering asking Johnny to go for him, only he wasn't sure he'd do it.

Six had made it clear on more than one occasion what his philosophy was and it was pretty simple. People should be left to make their own decisions and it's up to you to work on accepting that. While Zack sort of agreed with that, it was really hard to accept someone's decisions when it felt like the reason for the decision was wrong.

Based on the short discussion he'd had with Cloud, it had sounded like he didn't want to come home because it didn't feel like where he belonged and that he felt like a burden. That was wrong. He did belong in Midgar with his friends and he was not a burden.

It was impossible to imagine Cloud not coming back and trying to make it on his own out in the world, if that's even what he was planning to do. Zack had an awful feeling in his gut that Cloud had no plan at all and didn't even want one. That he'd gotten so down on himself, that he was at the lowest low he'd ever been in, that he couldn't see a future at all, and even worse than that, may not want one.

What Cloud had said about them not being family had really cut him and it hurt. He didn't think that's how he really felt, but what if he did? Aerith had just taken off. Kunsel had now taken off too and with Cloud telling him that was it and he'd decided he couldn't come back…what did he have left? He had his friends but without the people he loved most, everything else just seemed trivial, pointless.

He regretted breaking his phone pretty well immediately after he did it. What if after thinking about it awhile, Cloud decided he'd said what he did because he'd been emotional and it wasn't really what he felt? What if he tried to call back to say he was sorry and that he did want to come back home?

Zack was going to have to make a trip up to the plate to get any new phone hooked up with his number and service plan he'd been on but really couldn't fathom heading up there while he felt like he was half-losing his mind. He rented a prepaid cell from a place in the slums so he could at least contact people…Cloud in particular.

He wasn't ready to accept Cloud was just done with him and everyone else. He tried calling him back repeatedly. Tried messaging him, alternating between encouraging and scolding words. The time came when he was supposed to head over to Tifa's and he still hadn't heard back from him. On the way over to work, he thought hard about how he should tell Tifa about Cloud and ultimately he decided he couldn't. Not yet anyway. He was going to hold out hope that Cloud would change his mind.

It was hard to focus when he was at the bar. Tifa could tell. He kept dropping things. He couldn't accurately calculate money or change owed to the customers. He got orders wrong. He felt like a pot about to boil over and he was just barely managing to keep control over it. He finally hit a tipping point when he was in the cellar getting a case of beer to bring back upstairs and he ended up losing grip of the case and despite trying to catch hold of it, it still hit the floor and the sound it made told him at least a few of the bottles inside busted.

He could have screamed then. What he wanted to do immediately was to start picking up other cases and throwing them against the walls. He felt like he could pull his own hair out or rip off his own skin, but he didn't do any of what he felt he could have or like he needed to do. He heard Tifa yelling down the stairs into the cellar for him.

"What?!" he shouted back up to her, thinking she must have somehow heard over the noise of the bar the sound of him dropping the case of stock and was about to blast him about it.

"It's Aerith!" she called down to him. "On the phone."

The announcement had Zack standing for a moment, unmoving and actually hesitant about taking the call before he finally climbed the stairs back up to where Tifa was standing.

"Did you leave your cellphone at home?" Tifa asked him, wondering why Aerith would call the bar and not him directly.

"It's broken," he told her simply.

"Why don't you take the call upstairs," Tifa suggested so that he could hear her better.

He just nodded and headed to the back to go up to use the phone in Tifa's office.

"Hey," he said when he was sitting and had the handset pressed to his ear.

"Hey," Aerith spoke back almost apprehensively. Zack hadn't tried to hide or mask any of what he was feeling in his tone when he spoke that one word and she picked up immediately that he wasn't in a good mood in the least. "I've been trying to call you for hours," she told him.

"My phone's broken," he told her.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah," was his short answer. "How was the trip?"

"It was good," she said. "You don't sound okay," she observed. His silence had her questioning, "Is everything at home alright?"

He shook his head slowly at her question and started to feel that prickling sensation again that his emotions were about to take over and he was going to explode. It was good to hear her voice. She'd only really just left and he missed her but he was also confused and hurt after Kunsel had revealed to him that he'd kissed her. All the questions he'd had about how that happened and what led up to it had his mind weaving a story that he had a hard time not envisioning as reality.

"No," he replied. "Everything is so…far from alright," he said and he cut her off when she tried to respond. "Kunsel told me what happened between you," he revealed, surprising her.

"What happened between us…" she said confusedly. "What did he tell you?" she asked.

"That he kissed you," Zack said.

"He told you that?" she responded with clear concern.

"It's true then?" he asked, having had a tiny bit of hope that maybe Kunsel had been lying. Aerith seemed reluctant to answer but finally she confirmed.

"Yes."

Zack was angry then and disappointed. "Between the two of you, I wouldn't have expected he'd be the one to be up front about it first," he told her.

"I should have told you," she confessed, sounding like she was on the verge of tears then.

"Yeah, you should have, Aerith," Zack responded fast. "How could you leave without telling me? You didn't think this would come out eventually?"

"He promised not to say anything," she said, which she must have known quickly wasn't the best defense. "I don't know why he'd—"

"Because he's in love with you," Zack cut her off to say.

"He's not in love with—" she tried to argue and he stopped her again.

"He told me."

She was silent then.

Zack found himself exhaling forcefully. He calmly tried to talk to her, even if it was incredibly hard to do.

"Did you really leave to go on that retreat or did you leave because you realized you actually want to be with him?" he inquired softly.

"What?" she seemed to breathe back.

"Was the plan for you to leave first and he would follow after you, meet up with you somewhere and you wouldn't have to worry about me knowing about it?" he asked her a little more firmly, already convinced that must be it.

He imagined that to be the reason Kunsel had stolen all that money from Johnny before leaving. That he was going to meet up with Aerith and they were going to start a life somewhere. In his heart he didn't really believe that but his mind and his fears were doing a good job convincing him.

"What are you talking ab—" she tried to question.

"He decided to leave after you left so it makes sense," he claimed.

"Kunsel left Midgar?" she asked him back. He didn't respond. "Zack, I swear to you, Kunsel has nothing to do with why I left," she claimed. "Of course there's no plan for us to meet up. I don't love him like that."

"But you love him?" Zack was quick to ask.

"Zack," she said his name through a dejected sigh.

"Do you?" he pressed her.

"As a friend, of course," she admitted. "Yes, he kissed me. I was shocked and I immediately pulled away because I don't have feelings for him like that, and I really didn't know he had them for me, not that strongly."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Zack asked her and it was in a tone that was clearly accusatory. He was still angry.

"I don't know. I guess I felt bad," she said. "I think I was just scared to tell you."

"Scared to tell me," he echoed. "That's great. All this time I thought we trusted each other to talk about anything and be honest, I'm such an idiot," he remarked.

"I do—we do," she tried to claim and he cut her off quickly.

"No, because clearly you haven't been happy, Aerith!" he pointed out heatedly. "And instead of talking to me about it, you talked to Kunsel. You say he has nothing to do with why you left but how do I really know that? How do I know it wasn't all the time you spent together alone sharing the things you were scared to share with me that made you see what I thought we had differently?"

Aerith didn't respond right away. He could hear that it sounded like she was crying a little. It was hard for him not to start crying immediately because of that. Even if he was upset at her and felt on some level betrayed, he loved her so much that knowing he was the reason she was crying was painful.

"I don't want to have regrets," she said in a quiet shaky voice. "Whatever got us to this point, it was supposed to happen, Zack, I really believe that," she added. "And it would have happened no matter what."

"Aerith," he said with a few tears finally making their way out on his face. "I didn't want to pressure you before but I need to know you're coming back."

"I am," she told him with no pause to consider. "I'm coming back."

"To me though?" was his next and more important question. "To us."

"I…" she struggled to answer and the hesitancy felt crushing. "I've always believed in us. I don't think that'll ever go away," she said softly, "but there's things you just can't know. Time keeps that secret," she concluded.

000

Zack didn't finish his shift at Tifa's. After getting off the phone with Aerith, he told her he needed to go, that he couldn't handle being there. She didn't try to get him to explain. She must have been able to see how upset he was. He'd tried to clean up the mess he made in the cellar before leaving but she told him to leave it and she'd take care of it. He went home and tried to contact Cloud again. He had no luck so he tried to sleep but that didn't happen.

Later in the morning he headed up to the plate to get a new phone. He'd had no real intention of doing what he did after, but being up there made him feel he had no choice but to do something he'd wanted to do from the moment Cloud informed him of the secret child Hojo had procured with his DNA. He wanted to talk face to face with Tseng.

When he got to Shinra, he asked at the front desk for Tseng's whereabouts. Predictably he was told that information couldn't be given. He told the receptionist working to get Tseng on the phone immediately and let him know Zack Fair was there to see him. The receptionist raised an eyebrow at the mention of his name. She seemed younger or newer so there was a good chance she hadn't recognized him by looking at him but she certainly seemed to recognize his name.

It couldn't have been longer than ten minutes of him waiting then before Tseng himself was coming out from the nearby elevators over to the reception area where he'd been waiting. He had to admit he had almost been expecting for security to escort him out, even if he hadn't done anything wrong. He always felt like a fugitive when he was in proximity to Shinra Headquarters. If not security, his paranoia could easily imagine staff from the science department coming to snatch him up.

"Zack, it's good to see you," Tseng said when he was near.

The man extended a hand toward him that Zack was reluctant to lower his crossed arms to take. He was acutely aware though of the reception staff observing their interaction and did finally accept Tseng's hand with his own. The man put a hand on his one shoulder then and gave him a friendly smile.

"How are you?" Tseng asked.

"Been better," Zack replied. "I need to talk to you about something," he said and his tone was telling of the importance and seriousness of it.

"Okay," Tseng acknowledged with a nod. "Let's talk in one of the meeting rooms," he suggested, gesturing past the reception area.

Zack walked with him down to one of the rooms on the main floor not far from the main entrance where civilian interviews often took place. Inside with the door closed Tseng gestured for him to have a seat but he turned it down.

"Is Cloud alright?" Tseng asked him before he actually launched into the reason for his visit.

"Is he alright?" Zack replied sharply then.

"I assume you've been made aware of the news that I delivered to him recently regarding a project Hojo had been working on secretly," the man guessed.

"You mean the dead son he unknowingly fathered?" Zack responded bluntly as he paced to the other side of the room.

"Yes, that," Tseng agreed uneasily.

"How could you tell Cloud something like that over the phone?" Zack asked as he faced the man, holding onto the top of the backrest of one of the visitor chairs at the table between them.

Tseng sighed as he put his hands into the pockets of his suit pants.

"I didn't want to keep something so significant from him any longer than I had to. I thought it was the right thing to do," he claimed.

"Yeah? Well thanks to you, he's decided he can't come back here," Zack accused sharply.

Shaking his head a little, Tseng asked, "Why?"

Zack looked back at him, incredulous. "That news was crushing to him, Tseng!" he fired at the man. "You have no idea how hard this year has been on him mentally. Of course a missile like that was going to completely destroy what little stability he felt he had!"

"I…you're right, I should have waited," Tseng conceded.

"You think?!" Zack shot back. He groaned a little as he rubbed his face with his hands before crossing his arms again at his chest and leaned himself back against the nearby wall. "I need to be able to leave this city, Tseng. You have to do something," he told the man.

"What could I do?" Tseng asked back.

"I don't know. Figure something out," he ordered. "And while you're at it, figure something out for Kunsel too," he added.

"Kunsel?" Tseng questioned, though he did know what Zack was asking.

"Shinra destroyed him and his family. Talk to Rufus and make it right. He doesn't deserve what's happened to him," he argued.

"Zack, I've tried. He's made it clear he won't accept any help and he doesn't want anything from the company," Tseng revealed.

Shaking his head, Zack told him, "I don't care what it takes, you need to figure out a way to fix it."

Tseng took a deep breath and nodded. "I'll try," he agreed.

"Thanks," Zack said and even if his voice didn't reflect it, it was a sincere thank you. He looked around the room and dropped his arms at his sides. "I have to get out of this place," he said. "It's too weird being here."

"I'll walk you out," Tseng told him.

Tseng saw Zack off, watching him leave through the main doors of the building to head out to the street. He did feel bad about how hard Cloud seemed to have taken the news about his child. He honestly didn't anticipate it would lead to Cloud deciding to avoid Midgar altogether. He also felt back about how difficult a time it looked like Zack was having. He didn't look himself at all and the fact he was asking him to find a way to make it possible to leave the city was concerning.

Even if Zack did a decent job of hiding it, he could feel that he was getting desperate. Desperation was only going to lead to recklessness. He didn't want to see him get into trouble or experience some kind of breakdown after all the months he'd put in working on his recovery and starting a new life.

It was unlikely he was going to have any luck with meeting Zack's request to be permitted to leave Midgar, at least not freely without accompaniment. He was going to have to think on it. In the meantime, he wanted to be sure Zack wasn't going to jump the gun and do something he'd regret later. While making his way back to his office, he made a call to someone to check up on him.

It was perhaps not so shocking to Reno when he got a call from Tseng asking him to check on Zack because he'd been by Shinra and seemed stressed out. At the same time, though, he was a little surprised that Zack's behaviour or appearance had been concerning enough for his old boss to comment on it or worry about it. Zack generally seemed to be doing fine, at least he had been before the people he cared about started going off on trips without him. Even then, he'd been holding it together convincingly.

Still, if Tseng thought there was some cause for concern, he was going to take it seriously so later, before he was supposed to start working, he headed over to Zack's apartment to see what he was up to. He knocked several times but Zack didn't come to the door. He was sure he must be home though. He could see there was a light on inside, even through the covered window.

When his knocking went unanswered he decided to just try the door and see if it was unlocked. A turn of the door knob told him it was, so with a bit of a deep breath he pushed the door open and hoped Zack wouldn't be too pissed at the intrusion.

Zack was close by, just feet away where he was sitting on his couch, slouched into it with his eyes on the television. The first thing Reno noticed was Zack's change in appearance from when he saw him a few days earlier. He'd gotten a haircut and that alone actually said a lot considering the reason he'd been growing it out to begin with. He'd made a bet with Zack months earlier that he couldn't handle letting it grow until his wedding with Aerith. If Zack won that bet, Reno had promised to pay for their honeymoon.

"Hey, man," he greeted Zack as he shut the apartment door behind him. "Well, I guess the reason you didn't answer the door isn't because you couldn't hear me," he remarked.

"You ever going to learn to take a damn hint and know when you aren't wanted?" Zack retorted without looking his way.

"Not my style," Reno said as he looked around the living and kitchen areas, noting a sink of unwashed dishes and numerous empty beer bottles.

"What do you want?" Zack asked him, drawing his attention back to him.

"Are you fucking spiraling?" Reno asked back.

"What are you talking about?" Zack questioned in a disinterested tone before taking a gulp of beer from the bottle he was holding onto.

"How much are you drinking?" the ex-Turk inquired as he walked slowly around the back of the couch toward the unoccupied armchair. "Don't you have to work tonight?" he added.

"I'm off tonight, and I'm not counting," Zack replied. "This isn't all from tonight," he said of the empties visible in the apartment. What do you want?" he asked once more as Reno sat himself down.

"So I guess you forfeited the bet, huh?" Reno said in return, referencing his freshly cut hair. It was at a length even shorter than Zack would usually have preferred. "That doesn't mean what I think it does, does it?" Reno questioned and Zack shifted his eyes briefly to look at him.

"How would I know what you're thinking," he said.

"Does this mean you and the flower girl are finished?" Reno inquired and received a shrug that had Reno surprised. After a second he scoffed.

"What'd you do to mess it all up?" he asked and Zack released a forceful exhale.

"You gonna make me ask you a third time what the hell it is you want, Reno?" he spoke with clear irritation.

"I talked to Tseng this afternoon. He wanted me to check out how you're doing. Says you were at Shinra and you seemed pretty stressed out," Reno explained finally.

Zack looked at him fast. "What'd he say to you?" he inquired sharply.

"What I just said, dumbass," Reno fired back.

"He wanted you to check on me because I seemed stressed?" Zack said doubtfully, assuming Tseng must have spoken to Reno about the reason, which was that Cloud had decided not to come back to Midgar and that he felt that was mostly Tseng's fault.

"Yeah, he said you wanted him to figure out a way to clear you for travel out of the city," Reno said and with his words, Zack felt a little more at ease. The man maybe then hadn't told Reno about Cloud's kid he hadn't known about. "You aren't thinking of breaking parole are you?" the ex-Turk asked.

"I can think it, doesn't mean I'll do it," Zack responded flatly.

"You know that'd be a colossally moronic thing to do, right?" Reno said.

"Yeah, hence why I haven't done it," Zack said back sharply.

"Who is it you're breaking parole in your head for? Better be your girl and not that dipshit Kunsel. If the guy wants to make tracks it's probably better for everyone," Reno argued.

"Yeah, whatever," Zack said back impatiently. "Look, I really don't need any lectures or pep-talks or advice, or your voice in general right now. And I don't need you checking up on me for Tseng or anyone else. There's nothing to worry about," he added.

Reno couldn't help but laugh a little at that. "Oh. Yeah," he said as he looked around the apartment once more. "This really is the picture of a man with his shit together."

Zack sat forward and put the bottle in his hand down on the coffee table hard. "You know what, Reno, this, whatever you're looking at, is nothing," he argued. "When I actually lose my shit you're gonna know it."

"When, huh," Reno said, making Zack groan with exasperation. He stood up then and picked up the empty bottles from the coffee table. "So you're having relationship problems, who doesn't? Aerith'll go do whatever she needs to do, or whoever she needs to do to figure out what she wants and hopefully come to her senses and realize how much better she could have done than you if she'd had a Turk fall into her church rather than some subpar SOLDIER."

Zack smirked a little at the insulting joke but didn't verbally respond.

"Come on, man, I know it must seem like everyone you know is taking off—" Reno continued more seriously then.

"Because they are," Zack said and Reno shrugged a little.

"Yeah but, they're coming back," Reno said. "Well, hopefully not Kunsel. The thief can stay gone. Aerith'll come back regardless of whether she dumps your ass for good or not. Whenever Strife gives up trying to find the magician who can make him a real boy he'll be wishing his way on a star back here."

With something of a huffed exhale, Zack shook his head. He started dropping empty beer bottles into the case they'd come from.

"That's not happening," he muttered.

"Well not literally obvi," Reno replied.

"Not at all," Zack said back without looking his way. He heard Reno make a sound that suggested he didn't take his words seriously. He turned around then in the kitchen and leaned himself against the counter in front of the sink. He gave Reno a look that told him he wasn't joking.

"Wait, what?" Reno responded then with clear confusion. "Are you serious?" he asked and Zack just nodded. He seemed pretty shocked by that. "Since when?" he questioned.

"Doesn't matter," Zack told him.

"He told you he's not coming back. That's what he said?" Reno inquired in disbelief.

"That's what he said," Zack confirmed through a sigh.

"But…why?" was Reno's reply, spoken a little softer.

Zack shook his head again and looked down at the kitchen floor ahead of him. "I dunno. This place is too stressful of an environment for him," he said. He knew there was truth to that. He wasn't willing to get into what really seemed to have made Cloud decide he was done with Midgar and everyone he knew.

"The hell?" Reno said, clearly finding the explanation unsatisfying. "What is with this kid? Does everything have to be so damn dramatic with him?" he questioned rhetorically. "Wait, so this is why you told Tseng you need to be able to leave the city?" he asked Zack, though he didn't need any verbal confirmation. It seemed pretty clear. "You haven't told anyone else what he said about not coming back?"

"Not yet," Zack replied. "Was hoping he would change his mind after sleeping on it."

"Well friggin' talk to him, man!" Reno chided him.

"I've tried, Reno," Zack said back fast. "He's not answering any of my texts or calls."

"That little shit," Reno remarked.

Shrugging, Zack responded softly. "It's his choice, so…whatever." He left the place where he'd been standing at the sink and headed back toward the coffee table where he picked up the television remote so he could turn off the TV. "Thanks for stopping by unannounced and walking in without invite," he said to Reno then, "but I wanna hit the hay so you mind getting out?"

The chance of him actually sleeping at that time of night when he was used to being up until at least two or three in the morning was pretty slim. Still, he felt exhausted and the idea of lying down whether actually asleep or not was the only one that really appealed to him at that moment.

"Sure," Reno said as he got up and headed to the door. "But hey, I'm sorry," he told Zack who just gave a short nod in acknowledgement before Reno turned to head outside.

At some point he did manage to fall asleep and he actually slept pretty heavily considering all the things that were weighing on him. He was awake early, around four in the morning. He tried to talk himself into going for a run but he couldn't motivate himself to leave the apartment. He made it out to the kitchen to make some coffee and lay down on the couch to watch some television absentmindedly.

With his phone in his hand, he scrolled through all of the text messages he'd been sending Cloud that had gone unanswered. He really wished at the very least, his friend would acknowledge the ones where he'd apologized for calling him selfish. He really regretted saying that to him, even if it did feel a little like his friend was being selfish or acting as such. He knew Cloud wasn't a selfish person at all, it was just so hard to have heard him say the things he had. It really scared him how much his friend's grief and all the pain he was in had seemed to transform him. Maybe the resilience that he'd come to see as part of Cloud's core identity was really truly wearing down and there was nothing he was going to be able to do about it. Without that though, was he going to be totally lost? An entirely different person? How long would he survive like that?

Despite the caffeine he consumed and the sleep he'd already had, Zack found himself waking up on the couch, having dozed off at some point. He heard that someone was knocking on his apartment door again. Thinking Reno might be back and knowing he probably wouldn't leave until he answered, he dragged himself up to go unlock and open the door. It wasn't Reno who was visiting.

"Morning," Tseng said from where he stood outside. Taken off-guard by his appearance outside his door, Zack just looked back at him, not greeting him back. "I hope it's alright that I'm here," the Turk said and finally Zack found his voice.

"Yeah," he said. "It is, you want to come in?" he offered and Tseng accepted.

The man looked out of place in his suit as he stood in the small open living space of the apartment, scanning the place with his eyes.

"You want a coffee or anything?" Zack asked tiredly. "It's been in the pot awhile but it's warm," he added.

"Thank you, no, I just had something I wanted to speak with you about, in relation to our discussion yesterday," the man told him. "May I sit?" he asked as he put a hand on the back of one of the kitchen chairs.

"Sure," Zack said.

Tseng pulled the chair out to sit in and Zack took a seat across from him.

"You know, you didn't have to send Reno here," Zack said before the man could get into what he was there to say.

"No, I suppose not," Tseng agreed. "I was just concerned. It must be difficult being separated from Cloud and Aerith," he noted.

"How'd you know about Aerith?" Zack asked him.

"Reno," the man said back and Zack just nodded. "Listen, Zack," he spoke a little more firmly, looking at him straight. "I don't have any power to change the conditions you're subject to as part of your parole terms. You've been given a lot of freedom already and I think that if you stay focused and out of trouble then there's a really good chance at your next hearing you're going to be given time served and you'll be able to go wherever you want."

Zack shook his head at that. "Thing is, Tseng, I'm not sure I care at this point," he said honestly. "I mean, what am I really being good for if I can't have what actually matters to me?"

"I understand your feelings on the matter," Tseng said.

"Do you?" Zack asked back fast. "I am so angry about what Hojo did behind Cloud's back and I'm pretty pissed about how he found out and also I'm wondering how long you knew he could have had a kid out there somewhere before you decided to tell him. You said yesterday something about not wanting to keep it from him any longer. How long did you know?"

"It was a while," Tseng admitted.

Zack acknowledged the answer with a nod and then said, "I gotta wonder what else you could know that you're hiding? How many other secret children are there out there?"

"Only the one that I'm aware of," Tseng said.

"I didn't mean literal children," Zack said quickly.

"I know," Tseng replied. He got that Zack was meaning it as a metaphor.

There was a second of silence before Zack asked him something that had been on his mind a lot.

"You know, you said in the past that there's no reason to think Hojo is still working experimental projects somewhere and that he's not a threat," he recounted, "but…is that really true, Tseng? I think I really need to know if you were lying about that because it can feel like that psycho is really out of our lives forever, but the news about that kid just makes it feel suddenly like he's everywhere again. Cloud's taking the news really hard and he's vulnerable right now, which means he's probably not capable of fully watching his own back. Please, tell me if you think he could be in danger. If there's even a chance—"

"I understand your concern, Zack," Tseng told him. "It would be irresponsible of me to suggest that the two of you shouldn't have your guards up at least a little. But I mean that in a normal sense. The way any person should be cautious and careful on a daily basis. I can't tell you with one hundred percent certainty that Hojo isn't a threat to the both of you but I'm reasonably sure. There's a lot of people looking for him and it would be noticed if he tries to commence with the work he was doing before. Also…the company has received some information we're going to be looking into that suggests he may not even been alive."

"What information?" Zack asked curiously.

"Information out of a remote region of the northern continent that suggests Hojo may have been traveling north through very treacherous terrain when the camp he was staying in was hit by a rock slide, killing all who were staying at the location. It's far too early to make assumptions but we're investigating," Tseng explained.

"So one of a billion problems solved, but not really," Zack commented dully.

"I have something for you," Tseng said with a bit of a reassuring smile. He reached inside his jacket pocket for what looked to Zack like a folded document. The man passed it to him and he unfolded it.

Zack could see that it was an email letter from Tseng addressed to the parole board on his behalf requesting permission to travel to Costa del Sol for an in-patient stay at the facility he and Cloud had both been treated in the year before. It stated in the letter that Shinra was going to be covering costs because of his continued SOLDIER status that had been re-instated the year before.

"What the hell is this?" Zack asked. "Did you send this?"

"No, I wouldn't without your permission," Tseng replied. "I just wanted you to know that if you needed some time out of Midgar that this is a viable option, likely the only one," he explained.

"Getting put back into a treatment facility?" Zack questioned sharply. "How is that a viable option?" He tossed the letter back at Tseng and crossed his arms.

"It's a nice place, Zack," Tseng pointed out.

"I know that," Zack replied. He remembered.

"There's people to talk to about the things that are troubling you," the man said.

"I already talk to a psychologist here," Zack snapped and Tseng smiled tightly.

"It's not Midgar," the Turk stated and though Zack opened his mouth again to fire back a reply, no words came out. Zack exhaled strongly instead and leaned back in his chair while looking up at the ceiling.

"What about my conditions? My job and—" he said.

"I'm sure the board would be fine with it. Part of your conditions stipulated you could travel to receive in-patient care at an approved facility. We know this facility was approved previously." Tseng interrupted.

"What about Cloud? I can't even get through to him on the phone right now, I—" he tried to excuse his way out again and again Tseng cut him off.

"It is okay to take care of yourself, Zack," he pointed out gently. "You could go for a couple days. Or a week. Or two weeks," he suggested.

"I wouldn't need two weeks," Zack argued and realized in that moment he was considering it.

Maybe like Cloud and Aerith and Kunsel, he also needed out of the city but for his own reasons. Still the idea of going back into an in-patient facility made him feel weak. He got angry then at his thinking. Cloud had admitted himself into the hospital in Midgar for in-patient treatment and he didn't think that was weak. Just the opposite, he thought it showed strength. Strength in doing something he didn't want to do but which he realized he needed to do to help himself.

The idea of going to Costa del Sol on his own though was difficult to imagine. Being alone never seemed to help him mentally. But maybe that was something he really needed to work on, to be okay with himself when no one else was around. That being alone didn't have to equate to loneliness, or worse…failure.

"So?" Tseng asked him after a moment of his quiet contemplation. "Should I send the inquiry to the board?"

"Okay," Zack agreed finally. "Send it."

He actually felt a little lighter.