A/N: it's the year of our lord 2021 but we're back once again. I had fun with this. let me know what you think.

In another life, one that came so close to unfurling in front of me, I follow Sasuke.

I go to the edge of the forest with him. I offer up my life for him. And he accepts, telling me to hurry, come with him. I carry him the rest of the way, and Kabuto meets us. He looks unsurprised to see me, but annoyed, nonetheless.

I study medical ninjutsu under Kabuto's instruction. I shift closer to Sasuke every time Orochumaru approaches. I refuse to eat with Orochimaru, even though every night he extends an invitation to me with his wide and unnerving smile.

And every night I simmer, stewing over what could have been. I imagine Konaha and my friends and the life I would have had: happy, fulfilling, bathed in light.

Sasuke deigns to join me in my room for dinner one night. He carries a tray of food — a medicinal soup, a hearty serving of fish, and sides of rice and vegetables, paired with an herbal tea I had helped Kabuto put together myself.

I stare at the teacup, recalling the ingredients, how I had pursed my lips at everything Kabuto told me about their effects. The medical ninjutsu I learn from Kabuto isn't really healing — it's about enhancing, what can we feed our bodies to make them stronger, tougher, more resilient. It sounds good, stated like that, but the way Kabuto's eyes gleam when he talks about it makes me afraid of it all.

That's the main feeling I have while I'm in the dark underground tunnels of Orochimaru's hideouts: fear and nervousness, a suspicion that there will be a moment when I'm not needed anymore and then I will be disposed of.

Sasuke sits on the floor with me, crossing one leg under him and propping the other up so that he can rest his arm on his knee. I lurch forward when he lifts his teacup to his lips before reminding myself that this is what Sasuke wants: unfettered power.

Sasuke pauses, eyeing the tea. He waits only another second and then sips it. Sasuke chokes, and I'm not surprised. Kabuto's recipes may be effective, but they are not good.

"You don't have to eat with me," I say as Sasuke shoves food in his mouth to get rid of the taste of the tea. "I don't mind eating alone."

Sasuke keeps eating like I haven't said anything. I have no choice but to keep eating, too. I insist on making all my food myself, afraid of what Kabuto or Orochimaru might put in it if I leave it unattended. Since my cooking skills are limited, though, my dinner is plainer than Sasuke's: a small bowl of rice and a hearty soup on the side with vegetables and fish balls floating in it.

"They won't hurt you," Sasuke says finally.

"Hmph." I raise my bowl of rice closer to my face. "I'm not worried about them hurting me."

"You're worried about them changing you," he says, and the bond flutters in the back of my mind. I don't fight it. "You're worried about them making you stronger."

I scoff again. "I don't want to get stronger the same way you do," I say. "I'm a medic. I want to learn how to heal. Don't," I start before he can speak again, "say that Kabuto is teaching me. Kabuto is only showing me how to take care of Orochimaru and you. I haven't learned any medical ninjutsu that would be useful for helping people generally."

"You're not here to help people generally," Sasuke says. "You're here to help me."

I go quiet at that. Sasuke isn't wrong: I am here for him. I chose this. I asked for it, in fact. I don't question any of Sasuke's motives or any of the weird drinks Kabuto makes him, and I don't fight the bond. I let it roam free, let it update me about Sasuke's progress, let Sasuke into my mind whenever he wants.

Still, I can hate Orochimaru and Kabuto for a while. I can hate the darkness of these goddamn tunnels and how I can never tell what time of day it is on my own. I can let myself mope here, just a little longer. I should be allowed that courtesy, considering everything I've given up.

"I know you still think about it," Sasuke says. "I know you still wish you were back there."

I turn my nose up at him. "So what?" I answer. "Even if I wanted to go home now, it wouldn't matter. I'm here, with you."

Sasuke has half-finished everything on his tray. He drains his tea to the dregs.

"You say his name in your sleep," Sasuke says. I freeze, the last bit of rice falling from my chopsticks and onto my lap. "I hear you, sometimes, when you nap in the training room."

I shake myself out of my stupor and scoop the rice up, slapping it onto his tray. "Whose name?"

Without answering, Sasuke lifts my empty bowl onto his tray and gets up. "I'll talk to Orochimaru about getting more lights for your room," he says, and then he leaves.