I'm sorry this chapter's all over the place! And for no upload in forever- I moved out to uni! And now I'm back home a-la lockdown. So SO sorry I did not get this out to you guys.

THIRTY THREE

There was absolutely nothing about the night shift Gemma could enjoy.

Cases were small. It felt like they were spring-cleaning a to-do list. And there was more paperwork that Gemma couldn't enjoy filing because she was irritable. It was hard to get a decent coffee. And then, Gemma would spend half the actual day awake, working with the Avengers, before Steve would send her home and she'd collapse on the sofa, too tired to even make it to bed. Sometimes, when she woke up again, she was in her bed, a sign Steve had come to check on her, and then she couldn't convince herself to get back out of bed. Sometimes, she didn't even make it home, and passed out at the Tower, waking up in Steve's bed there.

But it had been worth it. Gemma couldn't bear the thought of losing Lidia. She'd rather this than no Lidia. They all preferred this than no Lidia.

Especially Tony. Their work relationship hadn't changed at all; it was just a bonus they were in a relationship. Gemma and Sam weren't too surprised. When they thought about it, it made perfect sense.
"All the signs were there!" Sam exclaimed. They were working alone in the bullpen; Mathew had gone to forensics and Lidia and Tony were picking up a suspect.
"We're so stupid," Gemma added. "They were together for so long."
"Also, does Mathew actually know?" Gemma shrugged, leaning back in her chair. They sat working a little while longer before they were joined by Mathew, who declared the case closed. Well, almost closed.
"Where the hell are Bianchi and Allan?" he asked, swivelling in his chair to look at the duo left.
"They were picking up the suspect. Maybe they got sidetracked?" Sam suggested.
"Yeah, Tony probably just wanted food or something," Gemma added. "Shall I call Lidia?" As Gemma had been speaking, the elevator door opened, and Tony and Lidia entered, suspect with them.
"No need!" Tony yelled, handing over the suspect. "Sorry, we got sidetracked."
"Called it," Sam muttered.
"By what?" Mathew barked, frowning at the pair. Tony and Lidia shared a look before facing the others.
"We have some news," Tony said. Gemma, Mathew and Sam waited as the pair grinned widely, sharing another look.
"We're married!" Gemma, who'd been drinking her coffee, choked. Sam dropped his phone on the floor. Mathew just looked at them.
"Come again?" Sam asked, reaching for his phone. Gemma grimaced as she overcame her choking fit.
"Well, we were talking when we went for the arrest and we just thought, 'why not?'," Lidia answered, taking Tony's hand in hers.
"So, we went to the office, signed the documents, and now you're looking at Mrs Lidia Allan!" Tony exclaimed.
"Of course, we'll have a celebration party anyway, but I'm not one to plan for a wedding," Lidia added.
"Married?" Gemma squeaked. She was still in a little shock.
"That's like the first thing we said," Tony responded. "Keep up!" She flipped him off. He rolled his eyes.
"That's a big thing. How did you guys know..?" Gemma trailed off. She wasn't sure what she was trying to say.
"I couldn't think of any other person to spend the rest of my life with," Tony replied earnestly, looking at Lidia again.
"That's cute," Sam muttered. Gemma looked down at her desk as the conversation droned on, and then at the photo of Steve she had on her desk.

Gemma couldn't imagine marrying someone so spontaneously. Really, she was jealous. How could they be so in love, so sure, that they wanted to be married, that they did so without a second thought? Gemma couldn't imagine that feeling, yet she was finding herself yearning for it.

And then she thought of Steve. How did Gemma really feel about him? They had been dating for such a long time now, but it still felt weird to call him her 'boyfriend'. It felt a little juvenile, really. Yet it also made Gemma feel a little giddy. She felt lucky that she had scored with Steve. Really, there was no one else she wanted to be with because being with Steve just felt right. But that feeling brought so many insecurities. What if he didn't feel the same way? What if he found someone better? What if she wasn't enough? What if he hurt her?

And it was holding her back. Big time.

She didn't know how to tell Steve all this. She couldn't. Gemma had asked herself all this in her last committed relationship, that relationship, and those ghosts were coming back to her now. She didn't like it.
"Gem? Earth to Gemma?" Lidia's accent pulled Gemma out of her head.
"Sorry. I was just… thinking. What was the question?"
"Will you be my late-Maid of Honour?"
"Late?" Gemma echoed, drawing her brows together.
"For the celebration party, we're having a late everything. Just so that it's… you know… fair," Lidia explained.
"Oh. sure."

Gemma had ended up planning the celebration instead of Tony and Lidia. Mainly as a wedding present, but also because both were terrible at planning. Plus, it provided a nice distraction from the night-shift for a while, made it a little more bearable.

It also distracted Gemma from those all too familiar feelings about Steve. Apart from one night (well, day), when she had a dream it was their wedding she was planning. It had freaked her out, big time. Which was how she found herself outside Natasha's apartment just before her shift started.
"What are you so scared of?" Natasha asked. Gemma was having a feeling of déjà vu. Gemma shrugged, pacing in front of the redhead.
"What if he doesn't feel the same?" Gemma voiced. "What if we're not on the same page?"
"I think you're on the same page," Natasha muttered. "Are you going to pace a hole into my carpet?" Gemma stopped dead in her tracks, looking down.
"Sorry," she mumbled, sitting down on the sofa. "I'm just- I'm freaking out. I think I love him." Gemma hadn't dared say that aloud yet, but now that she had, the realisation hit her like a truck. She did love him. How do you say it to someone?
"So, what do you have to be scared of?" Gemma opened her mouth to answer, but no sound came out. Natasha clicked her tongue. "Okay, let's call Sam. He'll know what to say." She placed the phone on the sofa between the two girls, placing it on speakerphone when Sam's number had been dialled. Gemma hoped for her sake Steve wasn't with him.
"Sam's authentic stolen police badges, how may I help?" Sam's voice broke through the silence.
"Heh?"
"Worry about that later," Natasha said, waving her hand. "We have a problem. Are you alone?"
"Yes and you know that's a sore spot!" Both girls rolled their eyes.
"Well, you're about to feel lonelier. Gemma, explain." Gemma took a deep breath before relaying to Sam everything she'd said to Natasha.
"Huh. You were right, Nat," Sam said. The assassin nodded her head. "Well, Gemma, maybe you should just come out with it. Tell him how you feel. Really do it. Stop being a wuss."
"Heh?"
"Oh, that's good advice," Natasha agreed. "Gem, stop being a wuss." Gemma shook her head, rubbing a hand in her temple.
"Well, that was helpful." She let Sam and Natasha decide whether or not she was being sarcastic. "But now I have to go to work."