Chapter 33: A Hogsmeade Ditch

Want what you got by The Beaches

AN: This coming week is Reading Break for university and I've been feeling super motivated with writing, so I think that I'll have the next chapter ready in a few days.

In the week leading up to the December Hogsmeade trip, I threw myself head-first into my memory charm research. In just over a fortnight, I would be going through the same motions that I had in the dream: petrifying my family, wiping their memories, and crying from the emotional agony. I had decided that I should also do some research on legilimency, in case I wanted to poke around in my family's heads to make sure that I'd done a proper job obliviating them. With each passing day, I grew more stressed and sullen. Because I spent all my time outside of classes in the library that week, I'd also not seen Sirius at all. It was partly intentional on my part, because in my constant stress and tension I'd managed to convince myself that he didn't want to be around me anymore. My sleep deprivation and dreams were not helping my mental state either, and if I'd been able to think clearly that week, I would've realized that it was dumb to avoid Sirius over a silly Hogsmeade date, and that I shouldn't assume that he no longer wanted to hang out with me.

Saturday morning before the students were set to leave for Hogsmeade, I was dragged out of bed by Emily, who kept scolding us for trying to make her late to meet up with Riley. The four of us tramped out of the Ravenclaw Tower looking presentable in our winter robes, tucked into breakfast in the Great Hall and then headed straight for the courtyard. We stood hopping up and down, rubbing our arms, and stamping our feet when the cold wind blew the warmth of the castle out of our limbs, until Emily used a spell to bathe us in warm air. I was teasing Lia about how low she'd drawn her toque (it was covering her eyebrows and creeping down towards her eyes), when the seventh-year Slytherin boys arrived.

"Oi! Grindylow!"

"Come over here and I'll use ventus to have a look at your knickers again." This humiliating detail shared by Avery caused the other Slytherins to whistle. I bared my teeth and turned to stare my nemesis and his cronies down. He must've fancied himself a witty and handsome arsehole as he crossed his arms over his puffed-out chest.

Mulciber and Rosier were whacking each other and guffawing. "What're you hiding under your skirt, Grindylow?" Mulciber jeered.

Lia made an exasperated sound and grabbed me by the upper arm, while Emily made a shooing motion at Avery. "Piss off."

"Going to tattle on me to your Prefect boyfriend, Sanderson?"

"Yeah, going to get him right now, in fact," Emily said, leading me away from Avery before I could get myself a ton of detentions for starting a fight with him.

"Merlin, come on. I don't want you starting a fight out in the open," Lia said, pulling me along even as I made a rude gesture at Avery over my shoulder. I scrubbed my face and let her guide me behind Em, with Tess following. I didn't need the added stress of clashing with Avery, not when I was already wound up so tight from my family's impending doom. Emily stopped and we stood with Riley, the others making polite conversation while I rooted around in my pockets for my reducio-ed library book on memory charms. I hunched over, burying my nose in it, until Emily whacked the underside of it.

"Merlin's beard, just because we're in Ravenclaw, doesn't mean we can't have fun," she said, her voice gentle.

I tried to massage the knot in my neck with one hand while I avoided her gaze. It wasn't like they hadn't picked up on my tense behaviour; they were Ravenclaws afterall.

"Hi, Rafferty," a cheery voice said.

"Morning, Evans. Where's the other half of the Head duo?"

I looked up and offered Lily a smile. I hadn't been spending much time with her recently, considering I'd been holed up in the library or feeding my Sirius addiction. "James is on his way, just gathering up the boys, I'm sure," she said, shifting around the group to stand next to me, her eyes never leaving mine.

I gave her a look. "What? Do I have food on my face? Did Avery turn my hair blue?"

She smiled and shook her head, then leaned in closer to speak quietly. "You should've heard Black this morning at breakfast. He was really laying it on thick about all his regret."

"What?" I said louder than I meant to. Lia wiggled her eyebrows at me.

Lily pretended to look around innocently, but the mischievous twinkle in her eyes gave her away. "Oh, I dunno, I thought you already knew. Well, I don't really have to tell you, do I? I mean, why don't you get the truth straight from the horse's mouth?"

I blew an impatient breath out between my lips. "Jesus Christ, kill me now."

She patted my arm in a mock-comforting gesture. "It's a shame you don't want to hear the story. Didn't you know, I was there? In the Common Room? And I was so dreadfully looking forward to telling you, I tossed and turned all night and-"

"LILY EVANS!" I exclaimed and we burst out laughing.

She shook her head. "A right shame. What a shame." She raised an eyebrow at me. "Such a SHAME."

I threw my hands in the air. "You! You're getting as bad as your beau. I concede defeat. Please, do impart to me the sacred knowledge of how you so valiantly came to know how Sirius Black ended up accepting the Hogsmeade offer from… what's her name? Howl? Trowel? Vowel? Towel?"

Lily laughed. "Isn't the most important question why he said yes to Valerie Howell?"

I made a silly face. "I dunno, you tell me."

"I can't exactly embark on my retelling of last Friday's events if you don't understand how I acquired such top-secret information."

I huffed. "Alright, alright, I'm throwing my pride out the window. Just tell me what happened."

She giggled. "I'll have to make it quick, before the boys get here." Her expression turned serious. "I thought he was going to ask you again for sure, I think everyone did. But I think James has been teasing him too much about how he treats you differently. Last Friday, it was me and the boys studying in the Common Room in the evening, and Remus and I were working on a Charms essay together, but James was bugging Sirius. James kept bringing you up and would not let it go, and even I could tell that it was getting on his nerves. He became rather crabby, and when Howell came up to him shortly after, he was still in a bad mood. He said something to James along the lines of 'this is me proving a point, Prongs,' and then he agreed to her offer."

Lia giggled. "That is some juicy gossip, Evans."

"Aw, go snatch your wanker out of her clutches, Kersti," Tess mocked.

I rolled my eyes. "That makes sense, I guess," I muttered to Lily.

"And he was whingeing over breakfast about how he was going to miss going to Honeydukes with Remus and Peter, all that rot."

"Oops. Not my problem," I said with a shrug.

"I don't feel bad for him, he backed himself into that corner."

"I feel bad for him," Lia piped up.

"You do? Why?"

"He doesn't get to spend the trip with yoooooouuuuuuuuu," she said, making snogging faces at me.

"Get out of here, you tease."

"We just got here, and you want us to bugger off already?"

Lily and I just about leapt a foot in the air at the sudden appearance of the Marauders. "Merlin, James, don't sneak up on me like that," she said.

"You're cute when you're scared."

The smell of dog washed over me moments before Sirius spoke. "Hey, kitten."

And there he was next to me, looking at me expectantly, hands in his pockets and handsome as ever. I grinned- I couldn't help it. "Hey, yourself. Hi, Remus, Peter," I said, nodding at the other boys.

"What're you reading, Kersti?" Remus asked politely, eyeing the book in my hand.

I passed it to him. "Memory charms."

"Again?" Remus and Sirius said at the same time.

My stomach lurched. I avoided Sirius's gaze and met Remus's eyes instead. "Like I said, Ravenclaws always feel an intense urge to hoard knowledge."

Remus hummed in agreement and smiled before flipping open the cover. He laughed. "You nicked this from the Restricted Section?"

"Busted," James said, cupping his hands around his mouth.

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you, kitten," Sirius said, grinning down at me.

I ignored Lia wiggling her eyebrows vigorously at me. They looked like two furry inchworms moving across her forehead.

"It's too bad they have so many good books in the Restricted Section. Honestly, half the books in there shouldn't even be classified as 'restricted.' Not sure why they end up labelled as 'dangerous' in the first place, especially not this one. I reckon it's a shame," Remus said, poring over the pages eagerly, his hair flopping down against his forehead.

James whistled appreciatively and clapped him on the back. "If there's something worth breaking rules for, it's the pursuit of knowledge. Right, Moony?"

Remus waved his hand without peeling his eyes from the page, but I could see his grin from here.

"It's not the only thing that's a SHAME," Lily said, grinning at me.

"Trowel," I coughed and we cracked up.

Peter, who'd gone unnoticed since the boys had joined us, dug around in his pockets for his Chocolate Frog cards and began muttering about how many rare ones he had.

Lily smiled at Sirius. "Where's your… towel?"

"My what?"

"Your towel," I said slowly.

Sirius let out a bark of laughter and looked at me. "What're you on about, kitten?"

"Your hooowwwlllll," Lily said.

"My howl?" Remus said, jerking his head up.

"No, not you, Moony. Don't worry," James said reassuringly. "Are we missing out on a joke, Lily-flower?"

"The only thing you're missing is your vowel," I said, making Lily and me crack up again.

"Merlin's arsehole," Sirius said, laughing with me.

"Was I supposed to bring a towel to our date today, Lily? Sorry if I was. I can transfigure us one now if you-"

Lily smiled at her boyfriend. "No, I don't need a towel, James."

"Where's your trowel, old man?" I asked Sirius, poking him in the arm.

He furrowed his eyebrows. "What the bloody hell is a trowel? Prongs, d'you have any idea what they're on about?"

"Valerie Howell!" Lia cut in, tired of us going on about it.

Sirius's features became vacant of emotion, giving him the typical haughty look that he sported when he wasn't at all invested in the conversation or matter at hand. "Hmm," he said in a flat voice and glared at James.

"Oh, come off it, Padfoot. Don't look at him like that, not when it was your idea," Remus said mildly.

Thankfully McGonagall calling for our attention ended the conversation that had been delving into awkward territory. Before we set off for Hogsmeade village, we all split into our respective groups and pairs for the trip. I left Lily and the boys with a parting wave, and a grin only for Sirius, and joined up with Tess. Lia had managed to score a date with Andrew Flewelling, and she skipped off to join him with an encouraging smile from me and Emily. I smiled as I watched Lily and James, heads bent together in conversation, their teeth gleaming from between their lips as they smiled at each other. Remus had given my book back and was ticking off on his fingers a list of sweets to buy at Honeydukes, while Peter made comments and reminded him of other things they needed. As for Sirius, I watched him standing with Remus and Peter, making his date come to him from across the courtyard. Eventually, a very pretty brunette with beautiful robes marched confidently over and joined him. He offered her a half-smile and buried his hands farther into his trouser pockets, a careful look of indifference on his face. I felt sad. Now that I knew Sirius well enough, it was so obvious to me when he was closing off to the person at hand and retreating behind his Casanova image. I turned away, for fear that he'd see me staring straight through his façade and that I'd become too saddened to think about nothing but him during my trip to the village.

Our trip started out calmly enough, if a bit boring. Tess and I stopped at The Three Broomsticks to warm up with mugs of butterbeer, then she dragged me off to Quality Quidditch Supplies. We spent an hour in there before I convinced her to change tactics and come to the book shop, where we spent another hour before my shoulders and neck cramped too much to prolong our time amongst the musty books. We found a bench outside the bookstore and pulled our robes around us to buffer the wind, taking our time to talk. I hadn't noticed how much I'd isolated myself that week, and recently in general, until Tess had to fill me in on things that the three of them had done while I'd been holed up in the library. I was stuck between feeling guilty that I'd disappeared into the woodwork, and glad that I hadn't left my research to the last minute. If I were acting this differently before I'd obliviated my family, would I return completely changed from the holidays? What was Sirius doing at this particular moment? God, I wished that he were here to distract me.

"Hey, Lupin, Pettigrew," Tess said.

"Rhodes."

I looked up and smiled at Remus. "Long time, no see, stranger," I said.

Peter kicked a twig across the cobblestones, looking deflated without his usual task of flattering and egging on James and Sirius. "Grindylow," he mumbled.

"Raided Honeydukes first thing?" I said, nodding at the armful of sweets that Peter was carrying.

Remus smiled. "Yeah. Where've you been so far?"

"The Three Broomsticks, bookstore," Tess said, picking at her cuticles.

"We're heading back to Honeydukes now, if you want to join us," Remus offered.

I smiled. "Again?"

"We forgot the sugar quills for Padfoot," Peter said, raising an accusing eyebrow at me when he mentioned my favourite Marauder.

"I guess I'll tag along. You coming, Tessie?"

She rolled her eyes and swatted me. "No 'Tessie,' remember?"

"Oh, I completely forgot."

"Tease."

The four of us set off to the sweets shop, with Remus and Peter in front, me and Tess following. The boys were talking about some sort of secret passage that led to Hogwarts from the cellar of Honeydukes (though I couldn't be sure that they weren't taking the piss) as we passed by the other stores in Hogsmeade. I glanced at the storefront of Madam Puddifoot's as we ambled by it, thinking about the first and only time that I'd been in there, and that the visit had been with Sirius. I hoped for his sake that he wasn't trapped in there with his date, though that was hardly my fault. He'd backed himself into that corner, though maybe it was also James's fault for pestering him. I'd seen that Sirius had been irritated in the forest when James had been hassling him, even if it had been the sort of teasing that good friends shared. Still, I had to wonder why Sirius had gotten so cantankerous from teasing about me. But didn't I react the same way to the girls teasing me about him? To Lily poking fun about me and Sirius? I rubbed my face and walked on, unwilling to work myself up even more than I already was over something so silly as jokes about me and Sirius.

I heard footsteps falling a ways behind me moments before a voice called out. "Moony! Kitten! Wormtail! Wait for me!"

The four of us turned to watch Sirius jogging towards us down the street, and then sliding to a stop in front of me as I brought up the rear of the group. He laid a hand on each of my shoulders, looking at me. "Kitten, you've got to help me," he said, shaking me gently for effect. "It's so fucking boring, I can't stand it."

I chuckled at his earnest expression. "You up and left Howell all alone?"

"Yes! It's so bloody boring, kitten. I think my brain's about ready to bleed out my ears."

"Padfoot, you can't just leave a girl in the middle of a date," Remus said sternly.

"Who says I can't? If it's boring enough, I think that I can," he said, smiling at me.

"You're a real nasty piece of work, you know that, Black?" Tess said sharply.

Sirius flashed her a caustic look. "Funny, I don't ever remember asking for your sodding opinion, Rhodes."

"Padfoot," Remus said, giving him a warning look.

"Yeah, well, listen to it now, arsehole. Leaving a girl high and dry in the middle of a date? How the fuck do you put up with him, kitten," she said, directing this last part at me.

Sirius's face went cold and he stood up straighter. "Jealous, Rhodes? Feeling left out? None of us want you here, so why don't you bugger off." He made several sweeping motions with his hand. "Go on, then."

"Padfoot!" Remus said sharply.

"You're the biggest wanker this school has ever seen, Black."

"Suck your mum, Rho-"

"Sirius!" I said. "Stop."

He looked at me, offering me a charming smile. "Sorry, kitten."

"Have a bloody fantastic time with your wanker, Kersti," Tess said, and then spun on her heel and left.

"Padfoot, what the fuck," Remus muttered.

"You're turning into me, losing your temper like that," I said.

He grinned. "Don't they always say you become who you spend the most time with, kitten?" He seemed mollified from Tess's insults because she'd said that he was 'my wanker.'

"So you and Prongs have the same personality?" Peter asked.

"Doesn't excuse the fact that you're being an inconsiderate cad and leaving a girl in the middle of a date," Remus said.

"Where'd you leave her, you silly dog?"

"In Madam Puddifoot's. You've been in there, can you blame me?" he said.

"Padfoot, she's probably sitting there by herself wondering where you've gone off to, feeling like a bloody fool in front of the entire tea shop," Remus said.

"I told her I needed a smoke. I even kissed her before I left, that should count for something. Right, kitten?" he said, eyes twinkling mischievously.

"Padfoot, you need to go back there. At the very least, tell the girl that you don't want to go on the bloody date anymore!" Remus snapped.

Sirius pouted. "Why? She was boring me. I consider that grounds for leaving if I want to."

Remus looked at me despairingly. "Kersti, talk some sense into him, please."

I looked at Sirius. "I think it would be very nice of you to go and tell her that you don't want to sit in a musty tea shop with her."

He pretended to brush away tears from his eyes. "Kitten, not you too."

I rolled my eyes, turning him around and laying my hands on his back, pushing him gently down the street and back to Madam Puddifoot's. "Get a move on. We'll wait outside while you get it over and done with," I said, flashing Remus a look. He smiled gratefully at me.

I managed to corral Sirius back towards the tea shop and sent him on his merry way to break the news to Valerie. Remus watched the door, chewing on his lip, both of us worried about a potential meltdown or screaming fit or some other drama caused by Sirius being an arsehole. We didn't have to wait long. The pale green door burst open and Sirius came bounding down the steps, looking like a crazed lunatic with the smile on his face. How he could go around smashing hearts and look so bloody indifferent afterwards shocked me, but then I reckoned he'd had lots of practice over the years. I smiled wryly at him as he slid to a stop next to me, his hands in his pockets and rocking back and forth on his heels like an overexcited schoolboy, which he was really.

"You look awfully… pleased with yourself," I said evenly.

"How'd it go in there, Padfoot?" Peter asked, eyes shining with admiration.

"A clean break. Of her heart, that is," Sirius said and high fived him.

Remus made a disappointed noise in the back of his throat. The doorbell jingled a second time as Valerie came outside, wiping her eyes and nose. She pulled her robes tighter around herself and looked across at me as I watched her. She gave me a very dirty look before setting off in the opposite direction down the cobblestone street. I wasn't heartless; I felt bad for her, being humiliated by Sirius in front of the whole tea shop of lovey-dovey couples, not to mention the significant amount of gossip that would arise about how she "wasn't good enough to entertain the heartthrob of Hogwarts." Yes, I enjoyed being around Sirius and I was fascinated with him, but he really could be a git sometimes. If he hadn't wanted to go with her to Hogsmeade in the first place, he could've left bloody well alone and not said yes when she'd asked.

"Our date to Hogsmeade went very differently, kitten," Sirius said as the four of us set off for Honeydukes again.

"Maybe you should've thought of last time before you accepted her offer, Padfoot," Remus shot over his shoulder, accompanied with a knowing look at the two of us walking together.

"Hogsmeade dates are overrated," Peter snarked, kicking a rock along the cobblestones as he went.

"Had a point to prove with Prongs, Moony. You were there."

"At the expense of someone else's dignity," I said mildly.

Sirius raised an eyebrow at me. "I thought you'd be glad to get my full, undivided attention?"

I raised an eyebrow back but said nothing.

"Oh, come off it, kitten. I was very nice and polite about it," he said, poking me in the sides.

I tried to squirm away but was unsuccessful. "Nevermind then," I conceded, unable to help the smile that shaped my lips when I watched him back.

Sirius walked closer to me and dropped an arm around my shoulders, nearly squashing me against him. He leaned his mouth closer to my ear. "You don't have to worry, kitten. It's not like I'd ever do that to you."

I scoffed and elbowed him. "Who says I'm worried?"

"You're not?" he said, his breath warming my cheek pleasantly.

"No," I whispered in his ear, his scent momentarily distracting me. "I've got you under my thumb, don't I?"

He snickered and pinched my arse. "Maybe, maybe not. Maybe you'll never know."

I laughed. I didn't know what to make of that, but when had I ever had a predictable time of it with Sirius Black? At least I had a firm answer now about how much he enjoyed my company.