I Don't Own Minecraft

"Where are you going?" I blinked as I was stopped from leaving the house as I turned around and looked at Bine who was looking back at me with an... expression, I didn't really know what it meant. It had been two days since the egg started to hum into my head and I had spent most of my time either living in the library or out at night. I couldn't think of a way to get out of it so I decided my best plan was to just power through it all and get it done. I hadn't been sleeping much at all over the last few days but it was fine.

"Back to the library, I want to return a few books from there and get one finished before I have to leave for the night shift again" I had gotten Baren to get me an inksack once the sun came up two days ago and I had used that and some things I had collected over the last two days to make a book and quill. It was literally a book with a quill that kind of just stuck to it, I had been recording my notes so far into it and I think I might be onto something but I needed some more time to read up on a few more books. It's why I was in somewhat of a want to get to the library, time wasn't really on my time here.

"Why have you been spending so much time there recently?" Bine's expression went from kind of unreadable to more... embarrassed? No, that's not it, something similar to that though but what? I wasn't sure. I just blinked as I tried to think about what to say to that when I realized with kind of a guilty jolt that I hadn't told him about what has been happening. It had just kind of slipped my mind. I felt weirdly bad about it, like more than I think I should... Strange.

"Sorry. Um. It's about the egg, here, I wanted to talk to you and Alysine about it at some point" I held my hand out for him to take as he looked down at it for a second with confusion marring his face now, not that it stopped him after that half second thought as he reached out and held onto my black hand as I looked up and around before teleporting us up into the attic room I had been staying in. I shook my head a bit to get the fog from the side along teleport out as I sat down on the bed as Bine spoke up.

"What about the egg is happening? Did someone find out or something? If it's a problem I'm sure we could ask Ms. Wilefin about it, she seems to like you" It felt nice that he was worried about me but I just shook my head at that to calm him down a bit, though with what was going to be discussed, I wasn't sure if what I was about to talk about was better or worse than the population discovering I had a dragon egg. I kind of doubt most people would care in all honesty but I'm sure at least a few would want it, and that thought made something nasty fill my chest.

"No, nothing like that. The egg is hatching" Seeing the panic suddenly fill Bine's eyes at that, I quickly stood up and awkwardly tried to put a calming hand on his shoulder, I had no idea if I managed it right or not, physical contact isn't my thing, but he's widen eyes seemed to dim a bit as I quickly continued as I mentally smacked myself at wording it so terribly.

"Not right now! It's still got a while before it actually hatches, it's more like it's growing in the egg at the moment. I don't really know when it's going to hatch though and it can't really stay in my inventory when it does that" Bine frowned a bit at my statement as we shared a look at that. I wasn't sure if he knew all the implications I had thought about and I wasn't even sure if the implications I had though about were even realistic or just a part of my paranoia but I didn't like the idea of risking it.

"So you've been trying to read up on dragons I guess?" I nodded at Bine's question as he sighed a bit as he seemed to think over some things for a moment before saying.

"I don't suppose you could just kill it?" I flinched a bit at the suggestion like the idea hurt, because it did, the voices got loud at that. I didn't really like how possessive they, and in turn, I was over the safety of the dragon in the egg but I couldn't fight the voices. I learned that many many times, if they were loud enough then I could do nothing but go along with what they wanted, it was normally just a question of how willing I was while I did it. Thankfully, Bine seemed to see the whatever was on my face as he instantly tried to back peddle.

"Um, I mean, we don't have to of course! It's just that the last dragon we came across was a bit, well, you know, murderous" He seemed to feel a bit bad and confused at my harsh reaction as I nodded at his sort of apology. It made the voices a lot less conflicted. For one, a part of them wanted to hurt Bine for suggesting such a thing while the majority of the rest fought against the idea of hurting Bine while any remaining just screamed into my head to protect the unborn dragon, it was like a group debate bouncing around in my skull while a loud heart beat thudded in the background. It hurt. It felt like my head was being pulled in four directions at once.

"Sorry, it's an enderman thing. My head feels like it explodes when I think about anything that could be dangerous to it, we are kind of related I guess... I don't know what would happen if something actually does happen to the creature, I don't want to know either to be honest" He winced a bit at that and nodded a bit sympathetically, not that he understood, but it made me feel better all the same. He was good at that.

"So what are you planning on doing now then? Not many people know much about the enderdragon simply because hardly any have to face it but it'll cause more than a little panic if a small little dragon starts flying around" I could tell he was less worried about the dragon and more what it would be like for my head if someone took an arrow to it while it flew around. That was my main fear. The city has plenty of at least somewhat well trained men and woman who I'm sure some have access to bows and arrows.

Beyond that I could hardly find the food they would require and have a constant supply of it. I would be running around ragged at the jobs it would take to figure it all out because I hated the idea of using anyone else's money, or well emeralds. Those were the biggest reasons why I was fearing staying in this city kingdom place. But I'll be honest, I didn't want to leave either. For one reason or another. Well, mostly one reason to be honest.

"I'm not sure, I don't think I can stay here though, to crowded though I wish I could stay. I was thinking about heading out to another, less populated, world for a while once I'm sure the egg is close to hatching. Before that, I don't know, I think it would be best to tell Wilefin though, so she knows I guess, and to see if she might know something or knows someone that might be able to help me" He nodded at that as he seemed to think things over for a moment before saying.

"It'd probably be a decent idea to go to a less populated space. And as scary as she is, Wilefin is primarily a teacher, I'm sure she would know something, I think it'd be good to talk to her about it. I don't really know how to get in contact with her though" Something about talking this out with him made it seem so much more real than it had before, I didn't like it. I didn't like how easily he said it was for me to just up and leave. Still, I stomached the feeling and said.

"She's doing me a favor, I'm going to met her tonight with my repaired crossbow so I can ask her about meeting her the following day then" He seemed a bit shocked at that, but sure why. Wilefin was a bit...intense I suppose but she is hardly all that scary or hard to talk to, maybe my sense of scale for things to fear is just really messed up with all the horrible shit I've gone though. Or maybe she's put the fear of god into Bine, who knows, I know I don't.

"She's helping you out? I guess she likes you more than I thought. Um, ok then, tell me how that goes I guess but besides that do you know where to go to when the egg thing gets close to hatching?" I didn't really want to talk about that much more but I figured it wouldn't be good to just ignore the question no matter how much I kind of wanted to, but I answered all the same.

"Not really, I'm going to talk to someone about that tonight, a guy I met a few nights ago on night watch, he's been traveling across a few worlds for a while now. I'm going to ask his opinion on the matter tonight" Over the last few nights I've managed to get a decent friendship going with Baren, I think. I don't really know, he's kind of hard to talk to for long periods of time. Still, he was nice enough and I felt nice for being able to actually be able to talk to someone without to much issue.

"Got it. Tell me later then about what he suggests. What do you think we'll need then before leaving?" I thought about the question for a long moment, considering the things I could get now without having to forge for them with my bare hands when his wording caught up to me. We? I blinked to myself before looking over at him, confusion written as clearly as it could be on my face while a faint warm feeling of hope bubbled a bit beneath it. Bine mistook my confusion for something else as he just laughed a bit and said.

"You might be a survivalist prodigy but I'd rather we not have a repeat of the test world. So you know, food, some actual sets of clothing, hell a maybe a tent or something would be nice. What do you think?" I think there was a smile on my face that didn't want to go away, it was a bit embarrassing but I didn't mind even when he looked at me a bit strangely as I forced words out of my mouth so I didn't just stand there.

"Oh, um, yeah. That would be nice. Having more than one shirt would be interesting" He nodded with a laugh at that as my smile dropped to something more reasonable now that I could focus on something else. I don't like being alone... It had been my biggest worry about leaving to deal with the dragon egg I had been kind of unwillingly been assigned to care after. I didn't want to be by myself again, that drifting and painfully lonely feeling was still much easy to remember. So knowing he was going to come with me, like it wasn't even something to consider, it made me happy, happier than I had been in days, maybe even weeks.

"Yeah, we really need to get you something new. Those clothes are way to battle worn to keep being used" I nodded with a small laugh at that as I absently noted just how many old stains were on the white shirt I was wearing. Normally with my amour on you couldn't see it but I've worn this shirt the longest out of any of them, the entirety of the trip to the end and the battle. It has seen a lot of wear and tear. Mostly the wear but there was more than a few tears along my pants and shirt.

"I'm well aware, to bad I'm broke as fuck. Still, besides that this crazy stuff I got dragged into, what all have you been up to recently?" He smiled a bit at my humor as he seemed to think about it for a few moments as he sat down next to me as a more hesitate look came over him. It made me a bit worried about what was going on with him. I didn't like that look. It wasn't that ti was super hesitant but more uncertain? Was there that big of a difference? Hell if I know but it sounds right. Sort of. Still, after a long moment he sighed before finally saying.

"It's been weird and a bit difficult to be honest" I blinked at that, not really knowing what to say, because I mean what was I suppose to say to something like that anyway? He seemed to notice me confusion and said in a self deprecating tone.

"It's just no one seems to get it you know?" I looked even more confused at that as he looked away for a moment and sighed again. It made me feel a bit bad because I had absolutely no idea what he was going on about, but I mean, being a listener to someone's problems can also be a good thing right? I really hope so as he continued.

"Of course you don't get it, you weren't around before it, you can't see it as clearly as I can, as Alysine can... We saw our friends, people we've known for most of our lives, die in front of us, torn apart by monsters and they just act like everything normal! Dying can cause memory loss about the death, I know that, it was explained! But I didn't die! My sister didn't die! We fucking remember it all, the explosions, the screams, the blood. I remember my body being torn into by a zombie before Alysine pulled me away... And every time I try to talk to my old classmates, it's like theirs this wall between us! They joke about it! Saying I was lucky for being able to pass! I-I fuck-"

He stopped there as he jerkily wiped his hand through his hair in a sharp motion, half way through he had stood up and paced as he vented his frustrations out as I just sat there and listened. I was frowning now as I looked up at him for a moment before looking away, not really having any idea in the slightest about what I was suppose to say. I didn't have a clue. He seemed just so confused and uncertain about everything, it made me freeze in place, not wanting to some how fuck up if he needed to hear something. Apparently that might have been the right move as he quickly continued on once he got his breath.

"And my parents don't seem to get it either, they act like nothing at all has happened! Like I wasn't out in the middle of no where for months and had to fight daily for the simplest of things! I almost cut my fucking dad's head off yesterday because I saw something move out of the corner of my eye that I didn't notice because didn't look like you or Alysine. Every time something makes a loud bang I nearly want to jump in case it's a creeper next to me or a ghast firing down on me... that's not normal. I'm the only one that's like this it seems and it's driving me crazy. I'm not crazy am I?"

For the first time he stopped ranting about things I understood way to much about and asked me a question with an almost pleading look on his face. I had no words, I couldn't think of a single thing I could say, so I didn't. If I couldn't think of any words, then I just had to do something else. Standing up, I moved forwards and just pulled him into a hug, it was awkward for me, I wasn't use to this, but he seemed to slump into my hold as his arms wrapped around me as I tried to think of something to say. I still couldn't think of anything at all so I just started talking. Begging for myself to not trip over my own tongue.

"You're not crazy" It was lame and such a small statement for the many many things I wanted to say but just couldn't find the words for, my head was spiraling, the heartbeat forgotten as I tried to figure out the words I wanted to give to try and make him feel better. But nothing came to mind when he just seemed to pull on me harder into the hug as I patted him lightly on the back, not really knowing what else to do with my arms when I was the one to give the hug.

We just kind of stood there for what felt like a few minutes, me just hoping I was doing this right and having no idea if or when to back up and Bine who just seemed happy I was understanding about what was going on with him. I knew all about not exactly fitting in with the world around you. Even if his own problems and honest to god trauma wasn't the same as my own, doesn't mean I couldn't relate to it somewhat.

After another long second, he backed up as I let him, kind of glad it was over even if it felt admittedly nice, just knowing he knew something about what I was also going through, even if it was in a pretty different way, made me feel better. I just hoped he felt the same way about getting all that off his chest, but judging by the way he's shoulders didn't seem as tense I could only assume it was, which was good.

"Um. Thanks for that dude. Sorry to just kind of unload all that on you" I just shook my head at that, this was an easier thing to correctly talk about it. Well not really, I'm not good at emotions in general unless they are a lot more negative, in which case I just ignore them. I'm really good at dealing with stuff like anger, not so much comforting. Still, this was a lot more preferred to the ranting with no idea what to say at all.

"It's fine, I don't mind. I don't really mesh well with the average folk around here in general either so I get it" He winced a bit at that for some reason as I blinked to myself as I looked around the window for a moment, I was still near to it as I watched as the sun began to go past the half way point, it was getting a bit late, I should head out. I wanted to do one more thing, mostly returning the books I had in my inventory which I've read over the last few nights and day, along with the fact that I wanted to see if there was anymore books I might need.

I honestly liked reading, it was new and it let me take my mind away from all the horrible things that either the voices said or my own stressful thoughts about all the stuff that has happened recently and my thoughts about the future. It was another break, like weaving in a way I suppose. Though it was much more thought provoking since, well, I could make stuff without overly thinking about it, while a book kind of needed my attention. My attention was pulled away from that as I guiltily remembered Bine was next to me after having what I think was a break down as he spoke up.

"Thanks still, I'm going to go talk to someone for a while. Thanks for letting me know what's happening" I just gave him a nod as I watched as he walked away for a moment before nodding to myself as well. I got lost in thought which was a bit annoying as that made it a bit awkward, for me at least, but he didn't seem to mind as he turned and headed out. I should go and get my things done as well. My eyes were honestly kind of tired from how much I was reading. I wasn't use to reading, that's weird right? Yeah, I'm just not use to using this part of my mind I guess. It's like flexing an old and slightly unused muscle. Which, I mean, the brain is a muscle so there's that.

(Bine)

Ignoring the people around me, I sighed to myself as I headed out to a nearby park. I didn't actually have anyone I wanted to talk to, I just rushed out of there when things started to feel a bit to real to me. I felt like hitting something at the moment with how dumb that sounded, that would be easy, a lot easier than helping out Edison. Did he even need my help? He seemed so much more together than I did and this must be so much more confusing and difficult for him.

Shaking my head, I sighed to myself as I continued on. It wasn't easy for any of us, Alysine was having a hell of a time dealing with Micheal, her boyfriend, who seemed to not like the 'different' girl that had come back. She was more, well not timid, she could bite your ear off if you annoyed her, but normally she was a lot less... hardened? I guess that's one word for it. I couldn't really tell honestly but more than a few people I know have commented on it.

We both were honestly. I hadn't really noticed it until I realized myself how different everyone else seemed to be, before realizing it was actually me who had changed. Edison made me feel a bit better about it, and I didn't feel like I was going as crazy but... Edison isn't the picture of mental health either, so his words feel a bit flat when it comes to stuff like that. I trust him with my life and he is at this point honestly my best friend, but he's told me he literally has his mind scream at him to kill people. That's not normal, and given his circumstance, hybrid be damned, I don't think he'd win any awards for having a healthy mind.

God, we all are messed up aren't we? I can barely talk to my classmates anymore, and my friends just don't get it, no matter how I try and explain to them that this is not something to laugh about. Alysine's relationship is struggling because she's changed into an actual warrior, sure not the most impressive one, but we've both fought with our backs to the other for our lives before in the End. And, well, Edison, honestly, he had no chance of not being messed up with his whole backstory.

Was I being dramatic? I couldn't tell honestly, it seemed like it at times, when my parents told me to just look for work as one of the guards or maybe a hunter... It sounded unbelievably just uninteresting. Why? I wasn't sure. It just sounded so... plain? I guess? I don't know. I'm confused about a lot of things right now, most of them I just don't want to think about but I keep having to think about anyway even when I don't want to. My future, and my present weren't really having the best outlook right now all things considered.

Maybe I was over reacting about somethings, obviously there is going to be some time when I have to get back to being normal again with other people. Even if it is really, really hard to look at some of my friends and not be reminded in vivid detail how I saw there throats be torn out... Fuck! I winced to myself as I placed a hand on my forehead as I sighed in what felt like built up exhaustion from weeks of just tiredness. Which it honestly was.

I thought I would be ok, when I finally saw them all alive then I would be ok, that's how I coped, that's how I functioned for the love of god in that nightmare world at times. But now... The image I had in mind is ruined, almost nothing from the friends around me is what I had wanted. I wanted... Hell, I don't know what I want, but I know it's not what I have right now!

...That's the reason I kind of forced my way into Edison's plans, I'm not even sure if he wants me there with how personal this seems to be for him. But... He gets me, there is no preconception he thinks I should act like, whatever that was before those four months in that world. It was just nice to be around him, he didn't judge or even act like everything was fine, we both knew just how messed up we are. Hell, he knows that better than I do. He lives with a freaking egg in his head at the moment!

The just pure randomness of the idea of that made me smile a tad bit as I looked up at the sky, it was later than it had been the last time I had checked. I've been sitting here for a while then... I wonder how I'm going to break the news to my parents? They are loving and caring but they've always made there expectations for us clear. Go to school, get good grades, get a job afterwards, and then help them with living.

But... I wasn't sure if I wanted to be around here right now. I didn't want to just get some boring and meaningless job at one of the guard towers, Edison mentioned after his first watch a while ago that it was incredibly boring. That just didn't sound like anything I wanted to do. Not to say I ever want to go out and deal with another thing like we did in that test world, the good moments throughout it barely shine through some of those terrible things I saw and had to deal with.

Still, at least I felt... I don't know. I have no idea what I want! I think I've made that clear, I'm confused and I just don't know what I want to do or what exactly I should be doing either and it's driving crazy just staying here and dealing with this stuff with a bunch of people who don't understand. That's why I want to leave with Edison. I want to help him out, but I just want time to think by myself as well, without people talking about what I should do or shouldn't or how I should act and all this other stuff.

I've only been back for a few weeks now. Sure most of it was in the hospital but that isn't a lot of time either... I... I just don't know what I'm suppose to do. So in the meantime I'm going to help out my friend, who at least seems to have something to move towards to, even if he doesn't seem to want it.

Trauma, that's it. Bine has some pretty fucked up stuff going on in his head. He literally watched people he's grown up with all his life get ripped apart in front of his eyes, and he was able to keep going with the idea of seeing them again, building up this image that could never actually be lived up to. In his teenage mind, now after having his expectations of what to expect basically ruined, his parents seemingly forcing him into something he doesn't want to do for what feels like the rest of his life but doesn't know how to say no to them, and all the downs that happened in the hardcore world itself, mixing in a large dose of unresolved feelings, and a good bit of teenage angst and then you get the general idea of just how lost Bine is at the moment looking for a direction that doesn't seem to suffocate him. That's the reasoning behind his words and why he seems so ready to just go instantly with Edison off to another world after only just basically getting back.

Besides all that, I'm neck deep in another project that I've been working on for a while now, and it's going to take up my time for a while, at least a week or two. I should be back or have the time to get chapters out, but if I don't then, well there is a reason for it and I didn't just suddenly combust. Anyway, See ya.