A/N:
How have I not used this chapter title yet when it's Alpha Hermione we're talking about!? Anyway... this one's a bit shorter than my chapters have been recently, but I wanted to split it where I have because it's another full moon next time. As always, thank you for reading and commenting, and you're always welcome to come and chat over on tumblr - mxstyassasxin
Much love, and enjoy xx
Chapter 33 – Determination
It was pitch black, terrifying, but she could still sense that presence in the darkness with her. The loud breathing and putrid stench smothered her as a horrendous excitement vibrated in the air. Wordless noise echoed in her ears as she shook, and a chilling dampness slicked her skin. A distant, shrill cackle grew louder, madder, and she searched futilely for the source, desperate to fight it off.
"No," she whimpered. "No!"
"You're mine now, little wolf."
"No!" Hermione screamed, jolting upright out of her sweat-drenched sheets.
She scrambled backwards, falling onto the rug covered floor, as far away from the sensation of coarse dampness on her skin as she could get. She clung to a frayed edge of hessian, so far removed from the perfect coldness of Malfoy Manor that it ground her while she came back to her surroundings; inhaling the warmth of Gryffindor tower, of the dorm she shared with Ginny – her Pack – through deep drags, filling her lungs to bursting.
Scrubbing at her skin with dull nails, Hermione stood on shaking legs and stumbled her way into the bathroom. She had to get that feeling off her skin. It had been months since she'd had a nightmare that bad, and she wanted rid of it again. Quickly.
She turned the shower on as hot as she could stand it and trembled under the stream, not caring that her pyjamas stuck to her skin while she frantically rid her body of the scent lingering in her mind.
"Hermione?" a tentative voice sounded from the door.
Hermione remained silent.
"'Mione?" Ginny entered the bathroom and leant her forehead against the shower screen. "Let me help. I've never heard you have one that bad."
"I need it gone, Gin. I need it off me."
"Okay, okay. Here, let me help. Give me the loofah."
"I couldn't remember it before. Not properly because there were bits missing. But now..."
"Now what, 'Mione?"
"Nothing," she shook her head. She could not tell Ginny what had suddenly filled the gaps of that night.
"Alright," Ginny sighed, stepping into the shower with her, soaking the old quidditch jersey and shorts she usually wore to bed. They could cast drying charms later.
Hermione closed her eyes and leant her head back as Ginny lathered the loofah up with her own muscle-relaxing body potion, the sharp scent of it permeating the steam and dispelling any memory of him and that place. She concentrated on her breathing – in, hold, and out, in, hold, and out – and the rough strokes Ginny was making on her skin. She allowed her arms to relax as Ginny lifted them one at a time. She rolled her neck so Ginny had access to the nape of it, working to loosen the knots that had formed over the weekend. She leant into the younger witch's embrace when she followed Hermione's spine down to her waistband, always in rough, grounding strokes.
"Feeling better?" Ginny murmured when she had finished, still holding on tightly to Hermione.
"Mmhmm," Hermione mumbled into her neck.
She squeezed Ginny a bit tighter when she tried to pull away, but then allowed herself to be led from the shower and back into the dormitory where Ginny cast a drying charm on them both.
"What time is it?"
"Just gone six," Ginny replied after consulting a quick tempus.
"Might as well just head to breakfast early," she sighed, shaking out her uniform and pulling fresh underwear from her trunk.
"Are you sure you're alright going to classes today? Madam Pomfrey could..."
"No, Gin. I'm not going to let a silly dream stop me from going to classes for a whole day." She pulled her uniform on and gathered her hair - frizzier than usual from the shower and drying charm - into a large bunch on top of her head. "I'll see you downstairs."
She walked from the dormitory, through Gryffindor tower and down the stairs in a daze, legs working on automatic until she kicked something solid by the doorway to the Great Hall while she was cutting the corner. She let out a pained hiss and looked down, blinking back into awareness at the large, round, very orange pumpkin that Hagrid must have brought in the night before.
"Halloween," she groaned to herself, looking around to see that sure enough, the castle had been suitably decorated for the occasion. She had forgotten completely that it was coming up, despite it being the reason for the Hogsmeade visit. But after the stress of the trip, it had seemingly flown from her mind. She would be starting her course of wolfsbane the next day, ready for the moon the following week. She let out another groan.
Sitting down heavily at the Gryffindor table, Hermione began to rub at her temples. Small, tight circles as she thought back through the events of the weekend. Sensing Greyback in Hogsmeade. Protecting Andromeda and Teddy, Harry and Ron, Molly, Ginny and Luna. Draco helping her to do so without knowing why. The stress becoming too much and falling apart on the cold flagstones of the entrance hall. The note. Telling Draco and persuading him not to tell the others. The nightmare.
Her fingers stopped and tangled in her hair, pulling tight as she stifled her anguish. She sat like that - though the sound of students arriving for breakfast grew steadily louder - until Luna and Ginny arrived, clambering over the bench on either side of her. Ginny rested one hand gently between Hermione's hunched shoulder blades and set about plating up two breakfasts with the other, while Luna talked about how excited she was about Divination later.
"It's the perfect day for Divination, you know, Samhain. In fact, every class will be so much more today. Just think of the magic."
"I don't know if I can handle more right now," Hermione mumbled, numbly watching her fingers pick at her croissant.
"We'll get through it," Ginny said, pulling Hermione towards her briefly. "You'll need to eat something though. Please."
Hermione frowned at the concern on her friend's face and proceeded to eat the pastry without really tasting it. She let the noise of breakfast become static in the background, focusing on the warm presences on either side of her, as well as the one she could feel focused on her from across the hall.
Draco sat next to her as usual in Ancient Runes and thankfully did not try to speak with her about the recent events. She could, however, feel that his emotions were at war with each other. He was flipping so quickly between concern, annoyance and pride, that Hermione struggled to keep track. All three made her feel guilty though, his pride in her supposed strength most of all.
They worked well together despite this, which was a good thing because Luna had been right, it seemed, about their classes being different than usual. The work Professor Babbling set them was tougher and needed intense focus, but Hermione could admit that, had she been in a better, more carefree mood, she would have enjoyed the themed class immensely. It was times such as these in the wizarding world that kept surprising her, and she couldn't get enough of knowledge like runic burial patterns and protections that she had seen so many times in museums growing up, but now got to understand the real reason behind them.
The sense of the mystical in magic continued throughout their classes that day. It was only the new Transfiguration professor who seemed to have maintained a relatively normal class - perhaps not wishing to rock the boat so much during their first Samhain at the school. Predictably, when they saw Luna for the first time since breakfast, she was brimming with spectacular tales from Divination. Hermione didn't want to know and tried not to listen.
Her efforts to forget about the weekend ultimately had the opposite effect. She was focusing so much on not thinking about it, that it was all she could think about.
"If it's going to bother you like this, I really think you should tell someone." Hermione snapped her head up as Draco straddled the bench beside her, breathing his advice into her ear.
The Gryffindors around them, all midway through the sumptuous Halloween feast, looked up briefly as the Slytherin joined their table. Some narrowed their eyes but didn't give him more than a few seconds attention before resuming their meals. He had become a somewhat familiar, if not entirely welcome, sight at the Lion's table now.
"At least Bill or my Aunt, Granger. They deserve to know, so they can protect their own families."
"I protect them," Hermione growled, gritting her teeth and glaring at him through narrowed eyes.
"You're not with them, though. And right now you're barely even here." Draco kept his voice low but grasped her shoulders and ducked his head so that his gaze was level with hers. "Get your head back on, Granger, and get it on straight. Yes, worry, but at least make something come of it. Right now it's distracting you. It's controlling you when you need to control it."
Draco's gaze flicked between her eyes, concern that he might have gone too far clear on his face, but Hermione felt herself relax for the first time in days. She rolled her shoulders back and down, willing the tension out of her body. It left her on a long sigh, and she closed her eyes, dropping her head forward. She felt Draco's hands relinquish their hold on her arms, moving to clasp her hands where they lay in her lap.
She was very slightly aware of Ginny muttering a notice-me-not charm and felt the familiar magic wash over her, but she didn't open her eyes. Only doing so, blinking wearily, when Draco brushed his fingertips across her cheekbone then cupped her jaw in his palm, continuing the gentle strokes. Hermione couldn't help but sigh and lean into his touch, turning her head slightly to press her lips to his palm.
"Thank you," she whispered, her lips ghosting over his skin, aware of the sudden breath he took and the slight shiver that ran through him.
She left one more lingering kiss before lifting her head to look at him properly once more.
"How is it you always know exactly what I need to hear?"
Draco blinked a few times then let out a breathy chuckle.
"Haven't you heard, Granger? I'm an expert in giving advice that I never follow myself."
They smirked at each other a moment before Draco removed his hand to rest on top of Hermione's once more, pulling on her lower lip with his thumb as he did so, seemingly caught by a thought. Whatever it was, was fleeting though and it was gone as soon as he leant back and slipped his new, friendlier mask into place. Hermione pulled herself back as well and reached behind her to tap Ginny on the thigh, telling her she could remove the charm.
"You alright now?" Hermione could hear the knowing smile in Ginny's voice, but didn't turn to look, gratefully squeezing Ginny's thigh beneath her hand.
"I'll write to Bill," she addressed Draco, full of new determination to be the Alpha her pack needed. To be logical and caring and fierce to protect them. She could do this.
"And?" Draco raised an eyebrow and Hermione knew that he was not asking about the contents of the letter. She rolled her eyes.
"And, once I've got through this next moon, we'll tell the Aurors. I'll need my full focus when we do, and this week isn't the time to do that."
"Okay," Draco conceded, placing his hand on her shoulder again as he stood from the bench.
He paused before walking away, and instead leant down so his lips were almost touching her ear.
"I'm proud of you, Hermione."
His quiet words stoked that feeling deep within her but before she could respond, his back was to her and he was already halfway across the hall.