So, music for today: open .dot. spotify .dot playlist/00zXprmEmS1Bwf7lbzf7R4?si=EFfgIekqSOiTEc43lKOshw
Chapter 34
Anne had too much on her mind between the encounter with that doctor… Jones? And then the appointment, discussing the options of contraceptives and their implications. Most importantly, what it really meant for her not wanting to commit with how permanent an IUD felt at the moment. And then apparently being Gilbert's wife to all hospital personnel? What on earth? She felt mildly annoyed at the whole afternoon. She looked at Gilbert and how clenched were his knuckles on the steering wheel, his brow together. Much on his mind as well, apparently.
The silence wasn't tense as they got out of the car and walked in the path, staying to the side so that the cyclists and skaters could go by. Anne enjoyed the view of the lake, Toronto's skyline tiny on the other shore. They commented on general things about the park until they had their ice creams. Gilbert was deep in thought, trying to reconcile the image he had of Anne as a self-asserting, independent and strong woman with how she had been corralled by Jones not an hour before. The asshole.
"Anne, about what happened before…" he started. He just couldn't brush over the topic. Anne looked at him, what was he referring to? Her being called his wife, that thing with that doctor and him reacting completely out of proportion, her riding the bus alone…? "With Jones… that git that was harassing you?"
"Gilbert, let it go. Nothing happened. He's not nice, but that's it, no harm done," she dismissed it. "You clearly overreacted, there was no need for you to get into that state." Gilbert looked at her, astounded.
"No need? Anne, you looked uncomfortable and weren't even speaking to the git," he said, trying to remain calm.
"There was no need to speak! He would have gone away in a moment, or you could have greeted me normally and that's it! No need to cause a scene," she insisted, having some more of her raspberry sorbet.
"Were you even listening to what he said? Or aware of his body language?" Gilbert asked, stunned and increasingly annoyed by her denial. Seventeen-year-old Anne would have had that guy's head! He even had no trouble if she said she had been scared or stunned by the doctor's behaviour, but to completely rule it out as if it was nothing?
"Well, yes! That's why I was on my phone! But look, Gil, there was nothing to be worried about, that's just how most guys are, no need to fret over it,"
"How most guys… For fucks sake, how can you ignore the fact that that idiot was harassing you?!" he exclaimed, losing whatever patience he had left. "Had this happened ten years ago you would have spelled him how to treat women correctly! In every single flowery word of the English language! Or you would have just hit him! Why in the world would you just stay there without saying anything, without defending yourself?" Anne looked at him, frowning. Yes, she remembered how she had been just when she had graduated high school. But that had been stupid, Lincoln had said as much many times. It didn't make any sense then, why would she do that now? "Anne?" Gilbert insisted, confused even more by her expression.
"Well…" she started, trying to think of how to phrase it. "I used to do that... But then I met Lincoln and he helped me see how I was overreacting about all this," she finally said and turned to look at Gilbert, whose eyebrows were shot up, his face stunned, his jaw clenched. He just didn't know if he was more stunned or angry anymore. How much could this Lincoln have messed with Anne's mind?!
"And you never stopped to think how fucked up all this looks like?" he asked, doing his best to maintain his voice controlled and steady when all he wanted to do was shake some sense into her.
"Well that's how real life is, Gilbert!" she exclaimed, annoyed. He looked at her, repeating her words in his mind over and over again, not finding any sense whatsoever in what she was saying.
"Carrots, that's not real life, that's how women end up being abused," he finally said, trying to choose carefully his words. Anne looked at him, frowning. "Look, what… how Jones was behaving is not normal. It is not good. A guy… or anyone, for that matter, is not supposed to make other people feel uncomfortable or intimidated. Even less if they're interested in any sort of relationship. There should always be respect, Anne, and… You're not believing a word I'm saying, are you?"
"I'm sorry, Gil, I just don't understand you. Every time a guy has ever shown interest in me they've always been some variation of… Jones, is his name?"
"Anne… My goodness, that's so fucked up," Gilbert murmured, looking up and trying to calm himself, his hand scratching the back of his neck. "You are so special, Anne-girl. So, so special. You don't deserve to be talked to like this. Or have anyone invading your space or touching you without your permission," he said to her earnestly, holding her free hand and caressing her knuckles with his thumb. "No one does, please believe me."
"Gil… I guess it's nice, but it's just not how it works for most people," she said. Not everyone could get a Gilbert. Or a Jerry. Or a Moody. She was still stunned to be with him, with how gentle he was, with how he cared about her, about making her feel good. But it was just not how the world worked in general. He looked at her, not believing his ears.
"I promise you that's not the case. We can even ask someone for a second opinion, honestly. I'm not making this up, Carrots. The way Jones was speaking to you… that's not normal. Did you even listen to him talk? What he was saying about you before he left?"
"Of course I did! Look, I know I'm not… asking for it, as he put it, but yes, maybe it can be interpreted that way! Maybe the braids look innocent? And you know I'm not, he probably guessed it as well! And about going hard…"
"For god's sake please stop talking," Gilbert interrupted her, not wanting to hear even a word more. She looked at him, stunned at his pained expression. He didn't even look angry at her, just pained and frustrated and… ok, angry, yes. But like a general rage for life. "Look, clearly you're not believing me. But would you believe… I don't know, Diana? She's a woman like you, can we call her? I really want you to understand how… twisted this all is. Please, darling girl. This is not good."
"Gil, I honestly think you're making it much bigger than needed."
"I assure you, I'm not making it big enough," he countered. They had been walking back to the car and got in. "Should we call her?" Anne shrugged, uncomfortable at how sure he was about everything and how that interfered with how she had thought about life and relationships for the past... well, almost a decade. Gilbert called from the car's speaker.
"Allo? Jerry here, Gilbert…"
"Jerry? I thought I was calling Diana?" Gilbert answered. "You're on speaker, by the way. I'm with Anne."
"Hey there, Jerry," Anne greeted, annoyed.
"Diana went to buy some groceries and left her phone. As usual. Do you want me to take a message? Anne, you're ok, sis?"
"I'm fine! Everything's fine Jerry! There's no need for a message, really."
"Actually, Jerry. We're… We have some divided opinions? Maybe you could give us an impartial input?" Gilbert said. If Anne didn't believe him, maybe she would believe Jerry, if they really were as close as he had claimed in the morning?
"What are you two fighting about now?" Jerry asked, completely unimpressed. "Wait a second, please. Marie, arrête ça, papa est au téléphone, donne moi dix minutes, mignonne, ok? Oui, prends de la glace et je ne dis rien à maman, allez. Sorry about that. So, Anne and Gilbert are fighting version 2020?"
"We're not fighting, Jerry. It's… I'll describe a scenario and you tell me what you think of it, ok?" Gilbert said. Anne rolled her eyes, convinced she was going to be proven right.
"Ok, so what is it?"
"There's a guy and a woman. They haven't met. Guy is interested in the woman because he finds her… attractive, so he goes over to where she is, ok?" Jerry made some noise, indicating he was following along. "Ok, so to get her attention, he goes very close to her and starts talking to her about getting a coffee before going to his place. He puts an arm on her arm and takes her hair with the other. Remember they just met a minute before, this is their first interaction," he explained. Anne nodded, he hadn't really said anything in a way to put the story in his favour. It was just what had happened. "What do you think about this? Normal behaviour?"
"Are you mental, Blythe?" was Jerry's answer. He even sounded annoyed. Anne frowned.
"I'm describing a situation, I'll tell you what I think in a minute. So, so far, what's your verdict?"
"That the guy clearly has no respect for the woman in question? Look, what is this about?" Jerry said, clearly annoyed.
"So you wouldn't say that's how guys usually are? As in, this would be normal, regular behaviour? Would you have been like that when you first met Diana?"
"Are you trying to insult me, Blythe?" Jerry said, and Anne knew by his tone he was this close to lose his patience. "I love Diana. I wouldn't treat her like shit. Even in the hypothetical case I didn't know her, I wouldn't speak to any woman like that. It's sick. Now, explain?"
"Please allow me to continue?"
"What else are you adding, Blythe? You're pushing it now."
"I know, and I appreciate you putting up with it," Gilbert said. "So in that same situation, let's say you saw that guy and that woman and decided to interrupt because you think it's sick, as you just said."
"Well, of course! What kind of man would allow that? Goddams de bâtard!" Anne cringed. When Jerry started spurring insults in chiac he was beyond mad.
"Ok, so you interrupt this guy and he…" Gilbert sighed, unsure of how to continue without repeating the crude words Jones had said. "The guy says something along the lines that the woman was looking for it and since he arrived first, he has a claim over her before you."
"Gâchette de helle, Blythe, you explain right now what this is about. C'est quoi ton ostie de problème? I give un bigre de chieng about your story. Anne, something happened to you? Answer now, sis," Anne looked at Gilbert, confused. Jerry was livid. Why was Jerry livid?
"Thank you! That's my reaction as well! Can you help me explain to Anne how that's not normal behaviour?"
"Sacarjé, d'ia marde. Explain. Now. Both of you," Jerry said, his voice angry. "I let you take care of her and this is what happens, Blythe?"
"What are you two doing talking about me?" Anne asked, suddenly regaining her voice.
"I called Blythe to make sure he is not playing any games like when you were teens. Anne, explain what happened. Now," he insisted in that voice Anne knew so well and that didn't leave any room for argument.
"Anne arrived at the hospital, she sent me a message, when I went to fetch her a doctor was all over her and she seems to think this is normal behaviour," Gilbert explained succinctly.
"Well, he is playing other kind of games because apparently I'm his wife," Anne answered, annoyed.
"What do you mean wife? Anything to say, Blythe?"
"I don't say she's my wife, they just assumed"
"Well, they had to assume from something!" Anne insisted.
"Blythe, this is because that stupid ring you keep wearing? T'es stupide, grosse dose?" Jerry asked, as if he couldn't believe the amount of stupidity going around. "Héch, you never thought of correcting people?"
"What ring? That ring? Gilbert, what's going on?" Anne asked, annoyed and confused. There was more to that stupid tale than she had thought in the beginning?
"I'll explain later. I promise. Can we stay with the matter at hand? Jerry? Please help me explain in some way your sister can understand that that's not the way to treat anyone?" Gilbert pleaded, not wanting Anne to divert the attention. And he couldn't possibly explain everything about the ring to Anne with Jerry around.
"Sis, Blythe there is correct. I… I know you never listened to me when I tried to explain this to you. But please do? I've never tried giving you any rosy view of the world. It's just how it should be. The bare minimum."
"But… Lincoln…"
"Gâde sèque que cet grosse dose d'eujass d'i marde du héch!" Gilbert blinked surprised at Jerry's sudden outburst. Anne looked stunned as well. "Stop mentioning l'estie de con! Nothing he ever told you or made you believe is true, Anne! Nothing!"
"But…"
"Nothing! What he said was not what real life is like, stop telling lies to yourself! He said what he wanted and you believed him because you were in a vulnerable position! Héch, comment… How to make you understand that, Anne? It's been years, we've been through this, Diana's gone over it with you… Cole as well as far as I know... What do you need to understand it?" Gilbert noticed how Anne's eyes were watery and held her hand.
"I just don't get… If this you say is true, how come… Why did I...?" she stammered, feeling a knot in her throat. She bit her lip, trying to control herself as she started seeing through everything Lincoln had carefully constructed around her, understanding that maybe there was more truth to Jerry's and Gilbert's words than what she would have admitted in the first place.
"Anne-girl… We are not trying to mess with you. Honestly. We both love you and wouldn't do that," Gilbert said softly, trying to comfort her.
"Anne, you know I don't agree with Blythe much. But he is right about this," Jerry commented.
"But then how…"
"You defend yourself. You push him. You slap him. You scream, even, if it comes to that, to attract attention. You just don't allow anyone to talk to you like that. No one. Not me, not your brother, not an asshole that just spoke to you," Gilbert said. Anne frowned and swallowed. That's what she used to do before she met Lincoln. Maybe 17 year ol Anne hadn't been all that wrong.
"You're worth so much, Anne. So you defend that. You defend yourself. Look… Remember you told me you were speaking with this doctor? Why don't you talk to him about this? He could help you with something to do about this, I am sure… Or correct me if I'm wrong, Blythe?"
"That's actually a good idea," Gilbert said. Anne looked at him. "It is, Anne. Talk with Patel about this. Tell him how we reacted, how you reacted. Why you think we're overreacting."
"I just… I'm confused," she admitted.
"We understand. But please, Anne-girl. We care about you. Jerry wouldn't be insulting in some incomprehensible language if he didn't."
"Just listen to Blythe, sis? Please? I have to go, Diana's just parking and I need to help her get the bags down. But please, listen to that idiot you call boyfriend. Or husband. Or whatever it is you both are now. Love you," Jerry said hurriedly.
"Love you, Jerry," she said. Gilbert said his goodbye as well and then Jerry hung up and there was a heavy silence, the sun shining outside. Anne sighed and looked at their joined hands and how Gilbert was still caressing hers with his thumb, his eyes straight on a tree that was in front of where they were parked. They stayed in silence and he turned on the car, driving more calmly towards the apartment. He tried not to think anymore about what happened with Jones and diverted his attention to how to explain the whole marriage misunderstanding without getting her hating him.
"I have some explaining to do," he finally said when he parked in their allocated slot, his voice resigned. There was not getting out of this and it was better to explain it now than to wait until she exploded.
"About?" she asked as he took her out of her reverie. She was thinking about the first months out of school, when she had felt so bad about everything, and how Lincoln somehow had made everything make sense again. Only every time she went back to it, it seemed more and more that he had just manipulated her for his own benefit. That he had told her thing after thing until she was barely talking with her old friends, getting a whole new set of beliefs that, she could see now, were… just toxic. She would talk to Patel about this whole mess. That was a given.
"About why so many people in the hospital assume you're my wife," he said softly, holding her hand.
"Oh. That," she said, turning to look at him. Yes, her being the wife of dr. Blythe. And that ring she hadn't really thought about since that first night.
"Look, this is not something I'm proud of and that probably won't make much sense to you anyway," he started. Anne looked at him, biting her lips, vowing to herself she would not interrupt him. "Still, you deserve an explanation. As I've told you… I tried to date for a while during uni. At first I didn't even try, everything hurt just too much. But around the second or third year, Fred and Ella insisted I had moped enough and that I had to at least see what was out there. So I tried. For a couple of years. I had a some girlfriends... It… I honestly didn't put any effort because I wasn't really interested. Yes, sex might have been good. Yes, it might have been less lonely. But I couldn't fool either these girls or myself in that I would ever love them, because… It was just not happening. It took a while before I realized that. The last one actually broke up with me over it. It really wasn't fair to her and I didn't want to hurt her any more, so… we just parted ways. The next December, Charlie kept joking that I just couldn't be in any real relationship because unconsciously I was just waiting for you."
Anne noticed how his voice was soft, how he sounded sad just talking about this. She thought of the wooden animals and how everything seemed to remind her of their teen years when she first went into the apartment, that first night he picked her up in Toronto. He sighed before continuing.
"I hadn't been with anyone for a while, when Charlie said that. I remember it was the winter of 2015. And I was just so sick of refusing any advances of girls in bars and at school. Honestly, I'm not saying this to brag, but I was annoyed. So when he said that I got an idea," he chuckled sadly, letting go of her hand to take off the ring of the other, and passing it to her. "I bought it on Amazon. Tungsten. 25 dollars and no woman ever looked at me again. The gang asked all kinds of questions, as I was over at Avonlea for the holidays and I started wearing it out of nowhere, as soon as it came in the mail. When I… when I explained what it was about, they never said anything anymore. I honestly was surprised when you came to live here and didn't ask about it," he confessed.
"I asked Diana," Anne commented in a low voice, feeling the heavy weight of the ring for the first time, how soft and polished it was. She tried it on, playing with it, and noticed how much bigger his finger was in relation to hers. "She said you wore it as a token because you were a sap," she explained, and Gilbert chuckled. "I did notice, on the first moment. I was scared she had put me in your house and that you were married."
"I can never marry anyone that's not you, Anne-girl," he said softly, and she felt something jump inside of her, her mouth going dry. She swallowed. "And I'm not proposing on a car, don't get twisted up. I'm explaining why people think we're married. So, people in the hospital always assumed I'm married, because when I started the residency I was wearing it already, and I never denied it. I never talk about personal life at work, so they never knew my supposed wife's name. Whenever they asked and I couldn't get around, I gave a generic answer of how she lived at BC, because that's the other place where I could have done my residence and I thought about it first, and how we just live a long distance relationship because we didn't want to get into each other's career dreams."
"British Columbia? Really?"
"That's from before you went to live there, Anne. It really was because it was the farthest, and thus the hardest to visit. And because I got accepted in a program in Vancouver, but chose Hamilton over it. So yes, I had an imaginary wife just to keep women from insisting to go out with me. And then Diana called, you were living at my place and everyone at the hospital noticed a change. Even before you started talking to me," he sighed, stretching his back. He wasn't sure why they were having so many conversations in the car that day, but he didn't want to move and she hadn't motioned to do so either. "So when they caught me looking at your instagram incessantly, they asked if you were my wife. And before I could even answer, Fred confirmed it. I… honestly, I didn't even try to deny it, even if I should probably have done it. Then… there were photos of me in your feed. You cut my hair. The nurses started looking at your feed and how so many of your photos were in BC. I published something of you and the few people that follow my account noticed as well. It was very quickly accepted as a fact that you were my wife, with almost no input other than Fred's initial yes."
"So everyone in that hospital believes I'm the wife of dr. Blythe?" Anne asked, not even sure about feeling mad anymore. Not after Gilbert's whole explanation. Mildly annoyed at him, because he had never cleared the rumors… But not mad. It was just a sad story, overall.
"Yes. They think that. And you're like an idol for those students, if I'm being honest. I don't even understand what happened this afternoon but Fred was saying you're an influencer for them?" Anne laughed at his words.
"That's absurd!"
"I don't even know what it means. But… I suppose I can correct them. I should have never allowed this to get so out of proportion," Gilbert commented, because he assumed that's what Anne would want. "I thought about stopping wearing the ring at some point, because it accomplished its purpose, but Fred was correct when he said that people would just assume a divorce and that would be counterproductive."
They stayed in silence for a while. Anne musing his words, trying to imagine Gilbert at 25 starting to wear a ring just so he wouldn't be bothered. At the time, she had been thinking about moving anywhere that wasn't PEI, but Jerry kept insisting she started at least until she felt more stable. And now… they were together. For the long run, apparently, if she went by the talks they'd had over the past weeks. Would it be that bad for Gilbert to continue with something that really didn't do her any harm and that had helped him cope in his everyday life?
"Don't say anything, Gil. It's silly, I don't even know these people. If it makes your life easier at work, by all means… I just would have liked an early warning, I looked stunned at Emily and thank god she was looking at her computer and I reacted."
"So you're not mad?"
"I'm annoyed, honestly," she acquiesced. Because even if she understood it, she wasn't perfectly happy with the idea. "I think it's… kind of endearing, but annoying. But I already live with you and I intend for it to be… kind of long term, Gil. In one or two years it would be as good as being married, at least by law. That common-law thing. So… If it makes your life easier, just go with it. But don't… add more to it. Remember when Rachel and Ross talk about their imaginary wedding? Well, don't," she said sternly.
"I won't, don't worry. As I told you, I barely talk about my private life at work," Gilbert said. "Most of it goes out thanks to Fred, who you can thank tomorrow for this whole mess."
"I will, don't worry about it," Anne chuckled. "I'll make him suffer a little and all," she added, and Gilbert laughed, much more relaxed. "It's so smooth, this metal."
"So cheap, as well. But yes. It's supposed to be very resistant and to look better than other cheap rings. It has accomplished both things, it looks as good as new. Doesn't scratch easily or anything," he said. Anne motioned and he extended his hand, palm up, but Anne put it directly on his finger. He tried to ignore the butterflies he felt and how he suddenly felt warmer. He took her hand and kissed it softly. "Would it be so horrible?" he asked softly, looking briefly at her eyes.
"What?" she asked, confused.
"Being married to me," he said quietly, not daring to look at her in the eyes, afraid to find confusion or rejection in her expression. His eyes on their hands. It was the first time he seriously touched the subject, other than when they had talked about her coming to live with him. Anne didn't answer for a second, considering it. Because she had meant what she had said earlier about living with him. He was home. She intended to be with him for good, unless something really out of the ordinary happened, and she dearly hoped it would never come to that. She hadn't even wanted an IUD because for it to be worth it it meant having it inside her for years. And she wanted a family. And she had just thought about the common-law thing, right? "Anne?" Gilbert asked, his voice nervous.
"It wouldn't, Gil. I don't think so," she finally answered, squeezing her hand. "I already said I intend to live with you."
"That you did. Speaking of living with me, don't you prefer to do it in an actual building, instead of a parking lot?" he said, trying to let go of the tension and to mask how much he actually wanted to smile in that very moment. Things going fast? It depended. Because, as everyone kept telling them, they had been about thirteen years in the making. At the very least. And Bash had married two months after meeting Mary for the first time. Now that was fast.
When they entered the apartment, Gilbert was receiving a call from Fred, who was talking to him about how the administrative process to report Jones would be- neither had ever thought they would do so, and Fred had preferred to go look for the information so that on Monday they had it handy. Anne shook her head, still confused about the whole endeavour and still trying to assimilate her conversation with her brother and Gilbert, when her phone buzzed as well. She fished for it in her pocket and saw it was Diana calling, which made her sigh. Great. Jerry spilling things around.
"My dear bosom friend!" she replied, hoping her cheerful tone would divert the attention.
"Anne! How are you? Jerry just told me about what happened… How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine, Di. I kind of get the point of all the fuzz… But I'm more shaken about other things, to be honest. It's… This doctor started saying stuff… and Gil… he completely lost it, you know? Like that time at school? I hadn't seen him so ready to fight someone since he hit Billy Andrews in high school. I still can't understand it, he's so calm and collected all the time and Fred was struggling to hold him."
"You know he gets protective of you…. But yes, I get it's not his usual way now. Anything else happened?"
"That I married him in secret in 2015 and then moved to BC, while the whole hospital knew and I was oblivious about the whole thing? Di, really? This is mental."
"He told you about the ring?" Diana sounded surprised, actually.
"Just because the doctor I saw asked me how my life was living back with my husband, so yes, he kind of had to come clean… This is absurd, Di," he huffed, her tone ironic. It was truly a lot of nonsense and she was glad she didn't have to go to the hospital very often.
"It is, I agree with you. But both of you were dealing with an absurd situation as best as you could, you know? The guy was resigned to you not talking to him again, he tried to get his life on track and everything kept pointing back to you. It was… It wasn't good, Anne. I don't know if he has given you any details about how he was, but… He threw himself in his studies in a way that made no sense. Fred put in the extra classes just to be able to be with him and kind of help him get through things, so that's how they both managed to graduate so quickly. But aside from studying… Gilbert didn't do much," Diana explained. Anne frowned. No one ever talked about the past ten years of Gilbert. "Fred and Ella tried to make him have some kind of balance, you know? Go out sometimes, do something… I think they kind of managed it at some point, but… Gilbert tried dating, first an obnoxious girl that called him Bertie."
"Bertie?" Anne snorted.
"Bertie, Anne. It was ridiculous. It was short, at least. Then he tried some more times, but it was never nothing serious. Not because he was looking to sleep around, but because he was blindly looking for someone like you and well, it doesn't exist. When he realized that… He found Charlotte. She was a nice girl. Nothing like you, so at the time we thought there might be some good in it for Gilbert, you know?" Diana said. Anne tried to imagine Gilbert dating… well, anyone, but it was hard.
"How was she?"
"She studied some kind of science thing… biochemistry, biology… I don't remember. She was all about travelling and marathons and eating out. Super kind. Brunette. I didn't see her… Well, I saw her twice once I went to Toronto with Jerry," Diana explained. They stayed in silence for a moment. "Well, I actually was there when she broke up with him. She was convinced he would never really love her, and I can't blame her, you know? None of us did. Fred eventually told me he was actually proud of her for walking away, she was very strong. Not because Gilbert was abusive or anything, you know he can't hurt a fly, but… He just kept pinning on you. It wasn't really fair to her."
"It sounds sad," she said quietly, trying to imagine Gilbert in that situation. It all sounded really painful.
"It was sad, Anne. He was heartbroken. Because he had tried so hard to make it work, to get over you… And then it was like life was laughing at him. The ring thing was shortly after that. Some months later," her bosom friend explained. Anne sighed, walking to the plants and sitting in front of them. "I sometimes think I should have put the two of you in a room back then. It would have saved so much heartbreak."
"I was too much in denial, Di. There was no way I was listening to Gilbert back then. Now… I know I should have, and I'm working on not feeling guilty about this whole thing, but…" she readjusted on the floor, stretching a little bit, thinking about her talks with Patel. She had to forgive herself as well. "The truth is, I have as much to blame as he does. I can't even blame him that much about not being around, when I told him in every way possible I didn't want to see him ever again, you know?"
"Well, that's a point… But how do you feel about the whole wife stuff?"
"Not… as bad as I thought when I first heard the doctor said it? I thought I was going to explode when Gilbert explained it, because it's absurd. But when we talked about it… Di, I already live with him. We plan to be together for good. There's… I don't see myself going away anymore. It's not the same as being married, I know, but… for practical purposes in the hospital, we can be married. If we ever decide to actually marry, well, he can have a fancier ring than that thing he's wearing."
"I'm so glad you're coming to terms with all this, dear," Diana said.
"Me too… It has been quite the process, to be honest. I…. I don't remember if I told you, but I started talking with a therapist?"
"You did? Anne, that's some great news! I'm so glad you took the leap! How are you doing with him? Her?"
"It's a him… dr. Patel. Fred recommended him. He's pretty great, actually. We've been working on many issues… There's always more to add to the list, it would seem, but I feel so much more confident in my life and with the decisions I'm making now… I don't feel like a piece of driftwood anymore, you know?" she said, surprised at Diana's reaction. She had been a little afraid to mention it before, and now she could see how silly she had been. Oh well. She had to face her insecurities at some point.
"That's amazing, Anne. I'm so glad you're doing that for yourself. Speaking of which…"
"Don't go back there, Di, please?" Anne said, feeling where Diana wanted to take the conversation. She felt Gilbert's hand on her shoulder and she turned to see him. He had a glass of iced tea in his hand and offered it to her. She accepted it with a smile and he went away to read on the room, giving Anne some privacy. He could tell it was another important call. She turned to look at Robert again.
"I will, Anne. Because this is important," Diana's voice was firm.
"What this is is a huge overreaction. I mean, I can see now that Lincoln wasn't right, I… I kind of get it, you know? But there's no need for you, Gilbert and Jerry to make a fuzz."
"There is, Anne! Look… I still feel bad for not being able to handle things better when you started going out with Lincoln in the first place. But I was more concerned about you not shutting me off completely, and… Well, I am sorry. I really am. But the thing is, he was manipulating you every day, and you wouldn't listen, and... "
"Di… I do see that now. I truly do. It's like… like sex, I finally understand he wasn't right about that." And after being with Gilbert, she could see how stupid she had been to believe him in the fisrt place. It made no sense. So she was pretty sure this didn't make any sense either and she would be able to look back at it in some days with a whole new perspective. She drank some of the tea and walked over to the window.
"I just wish you could see all the other relationships around you, you know? The healthy ones? Moody and Ruby, Fred and Ella, Cole and Roy… There are so many. Do you truly think Matthew would have allowed anyone to talk to you like that doctor did?"
"Matthew? Are you mental?" Anne huffed. Calm, loving Matthew would have been outraged.
"Exactly! See my point? Look, I can understand how you were wrapped in Lincoln's charm. I do get it. But the thing is, he was gaslighting and manipulating you all through your relationship, and even when you both ended things, you carried that with you on to the next relationship. It's the first time in years I feel like you could see through that, go… beyond it. Or back to where you were before him."
"You truly believe this, don't you?" she asked. She felt like talking with Jerry, with Gilbert… now with Diana, it was like taking off layers of Lincoln's constructs.
"Anne, he was an asshole," Diana said plainly. "You know we all think that. And… well, can you see our point now?"
"I think I do. I just don't get how I ended so deep down in… what he told me. I really couldn't see it when I talked with Gilbert and Jerry. Not in the beginning. But I'm getting it more and more, and… it's hard, you know?" her voice was shaky. She sighed and bit her lip without talking again, Diana waiting for her. She walked around aimlessly in the living room. "Separating the things he said and that I believe now from the things I thought were wrong? Or that I think are wrong?"
"I can imagine it is," Diana replied in a comforting voice. "But you have me, and Cole, and Jerry, and Gilbert… Even Ella and Fred, I'm sure. We are all here to support you, Anne. And I think you're finally ready for it."
"I think I am too," Anne mumbled. They stayed in silence.
"I'm so happy about that," Diana said after a moment. "Not about what happened today, not at all. But about you… finally opening up, wanting to see what's real and what's not, fighting for yourself. I miss this Anne so much," she whispered in the end, her voice clearly charged with emotion.
"It's mind blowing, for sure. I kind of remember how it was in highschool, you know? I spent all these years thinking I had been immature, because that's what Lincoln said, but now I'm starting to realize I was right all along… Like, I wish I could have all this time back, I feel so stupid," Anne commented, frowning.
"You'll be even stronger now than before, Anne, you'll see," Diana reassured her as she walked over to the bedroom, where Gilbert was. She could tell the conversation was almost over, and she honestly wanted to cuddle with Gilbert now. She stood at the door, looking at him read a huge medical volume. "It's not lost. You gained a lot of experience, and even if it wasn't pleasant, and I wish you hadn't had to go through it, you can make the best of it now. You get to be you, without giving any excuses. And the best part of it...you are now surrounded by people who love you unconditionally."
"I know," she replied in a soft voice. Gilbert looked up as he listened to her, surprised at the tenderness of her voice, and found her eyes on his.
Notes: So... we have a lot of long, important chats today. Some of them, you had been waiting for ever (from chapter two?). What do you think? Hopefully this chapter answered some questions you had about last chapter and also that killed your curiosity about the ring story. We also want to bring some awareness on the scars that abusive relationships might leave on someone even after years. And, in case there's any doubt: no one in any circumstance has the right to invade your personal space or to verbally offend you, and we all have the right to defend ourselves in every possible way.