Ch34

Before this all began they had been practically living together, but upon approaching the door to Lan Zhan's room Wei Ying paused. Uncomfortable with entering without permission. He knocked once and a muffled voice from inside bade him to enter. As he slowly walked in his gaze fell on the man in the room, a man who it was safe to say he knew intimately but right now seemed like a stranger. Lan Zhan's hair was back perfect with his forehead ribbon in place and his clothing was immaculate. Even his posture was perfect, with his normal impassive look on his face as he sat at the table in the middle of the room which was filled with dishes. Wei Ying tried to smile as he walked over and sat on the opposite cushion, feeling his hands want to fidget and his body wanted to lean either towards or away from the man opposite, he wasn't sure which.

'Eat' Lan Zhan instructed as he picked up his chopsticks and began filling his own bowl.

Wei Ying didn't need telling twice, and unlike Lan Zhan who had probably already eaten that day he was starving and didn't care about eating portions. For once in his life he didn't care about silence at the table either, he was too busy eating to talk. After about fifteen minutes of stuffing food in his mouth, with the only sound being of himself chewing, he slowly became aware of how little Lan Zhan was eating. Oh he was going through the motions! but he wasn't noticing when things fell off his chopsticks before they entered his mouth, or when he was lifting up an already empty cup for a drink. Wei Ying groaned inwardly. It was clearly time to get whatever was wrong out in the open and face the consequences of all this. Placing his bowl and chopsticks on the table he looked over and caught Lan Zhan's eye.

'We need to clarify things' He said as seriously as he could with the newly eaten food doing somersaults in his stomach. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to have eaten so much before clearing the air if he was going to vomit half way through.

Lan Zhan slowly put down his own bowl, crossing his chopsticks properly on top. Then nodding slowly he spoke.

'I agree, but first I feel I need to apologise to you.'

Wei Ying was a little surprised that he was being given an apology but just nodded and listened, trying not to clench his fists too hard under the table. Lan Zhan seemed to pause, uncertain. He lowered his eyes to the floor for a moment as if searching for the words, before once again raising them to Wei Ying's own.

'The night before you were captured…..I…...I…..'Lan Zhan knew he had to get the words out but they seemed to be stuck. Almost in panic he took a deep breath and tried again. 'I can't remember what I did…..but when I woke up and saw….the marks…...on your wrists….on your neck…..I can only figure it was something…...something…...that…'

Wei Ying had heard enough of the stammering nervous voice that had no place coming from Lan Zhan's mouth, especially when he had a good idea what it was about.

'Stop!' Wei Ying ordered, not quite shouting but with enough snap in his voice to get Lan Zhan's attention. He stopped speaking immediately, lowering his eyes to the table once again. Wei Ying hated him so much he didn't even want to hear his apology. He wished it didn't hurt as much as it did, after all he had been the one to get drunk and make the mistake, but after having all this worry and sleepless nights Wei Ying not even listening to him hurt his heart.

'Lan Zhan look at me!' Wei Ying's voice came like an order once more. An order he both wanted to obey and disobey at the same time. He wanted to look at Wei Ying, even if it was just one last time, but at the same time he didn't want his last memory to be of the disappointment in the other man's face. 'Lan Zhan!' Wei Ying spoke a little louder and this time Lan Zhan did lift his head, a little surprised and confused by the smile on the others face.

'Lan Zhan' Wei Ying spoke a little gentler this time. 'Do you think you did something to me that night that I didn't want, or maybe didn't agree with?' Lan Zhan couldn't force himself to answer but he knew the look in his eyes and on his face was all the confirmation Wei Ying needed. 'Lan Zhan you were so drunk out your mind you were trying to spear Bichen through an archery hoop!' Wei Ying's voice held a definite hint of laughter which made a glimmer of hope rise up in Lan Zhan's heart. 'Do you really think I wasn't capable enough to dodge you?…...I'm not sure if you are looking down on me or thinking to much of yourself!.

'That's not it!….I' Lan Zhan almost shouted before catching himself and shutting his mouth firmly.

Wei Ying sighed, looking at him.

'What's not it?…..come on!'

Lan Zhan shook his head, determined to keep at least some face through this whole embarrassing ordeal. Wei Ying sighed again, only louder and took a sip of his tea before clanging the cup down on the table making Lan Zhan wince slightly at temper involved.

'Ok fine I will change the subject for now!' Wei Ying spoke, all the laughter before gone and a dead calm in its place. 'For days before we came here you had been ignoring me, not speaking to me unless I did something wrong. You were even running out of your own home to get away from me, not eating or sleeping so you could see me as little as possible. I want to know what that was for…..what did I do wrong to….'

'You didn't do anything wrong!' Lan Zhan blurted again, inwardly cursing himself and wondering where his famed self control had run off to when he needed it.

'If I didn't do anything wrong why have you been treating me like a pariah?' Wei Ying asked tiredness making his words come out harsher than he meant them to. 'And don't give me any of that crap about being busy.'

Lan Zhan looked at his hands, resigned. He had to tell Wei Ying everything. It seemed he had already been wrong about what had gone on that night in this very room…..if he had been wrong about that could his fears about other things also be ungrounded? He needed to know…..he would back away if they were true. He loved Wei Ying enough to let him be happy, even if it wasn't with him, but he HAD to know. Looking up again he fixed his gaze once again to Wei Ying's. As much to sure up his own determination than anything else. Taking a steadying breath he nodded.

'Ok' he began reluctantly, his voice shaking more than he would have wanted. 'I will tell you everything'

Wei Ying listened to Lan Zhan speak for about ten minutes, he was amazed Lan Zhan could speak that long. He was also amazed at what he was hearing. All of this, everything they had gone through. Lan Zhan's change of attitude at the Jingshi, Lan Zhan staying away from him and not speaking to him, that night here in this room, waking up to see Lan Zhan gone and even his question last night! It all stemmed from Lan Zhan seeing him with A-Yuan. Wei Ying had been biting his lip for the last five minutes trying not to burst out into hysterical laughter. Lan Zhan had completely misunderstood everything, but the man seemed completely unable to talk about any kind of emotion. Buying himself a bit of time to get his own emotion under control he moved over to the cushion next to Lan Zhan's.

'Iv'e said it before and I'll say it again, How can someone as smart as you be so dumb?' he asked, before wincing at how straightforward the question seemed. Lan Zhan's face looked confused but he didn't speak. 'Lan Zhan all this happened because the great HanGuang Jun was jealous of a three year old! Do you know how silly that sounds?'

Lan Zhan didn't respond to Wei Ying's question, in his mind Jiang YanLi's words where spinning over and over as if on repeat. Whatever you did Young Master Lan Im sure its not as bad as you think. A-Xian is the forgiving type and no one ive ever met can make him do something he doesn't want to do. If he forgives you he means it…...did she really mean what she had said? Would Wei Ying really forgive him for all the things that had gone on thanks to his foolishness? Could this all have been avoided if he had spoken to Wei Ying about his worries when they got back home that day weeks ago? He shook his head to clear it of all the stray thoughts and heard Wei Ying huff at him.

'You don't think being jealous of a three year old is dumb?….well I do!'

OK what have I missed? He thought to himself as he turned his undivided attention once again on Wei Ying who seemed on a roll and, despite once again having the teacup in his hand, showed no signs of stopping talking, his words getting faster and more full of admonishment with each sentence. Lan Zhan hadn't felt more like a naughty child since he had been found racing around Gusu with his brother by their Uncle when he was four. 'You took one look at me with A-Yuan and made up this whole story in your head about me finding some woman, getting married and having children. You had decided my whole life for me without even asking how I felt about anything! I thought you knew me Lan Zhan, I thought you understood me! But you seem to have forgotten something very important about me. I'm adopted!…..my family are not related by blood, yet my Uncle raised me as his own and sister and brother…...well my sister…... stands by me whatever I decide to do…' Wei Ying paused for a second. 'OK maybe Jiang Cheng seems like a grumpy sod most of the time, that's because he is….and yes we don't agree on most things, we fall out, we argue, but most ofl my life he has always treated me as his brother.'

Wei Ying's eyes seemed to burrow into Lan Zhan's own as if willing him to figure out the underlying message behind the words. As Wei Ying paused for a moment to, finally, take a sip of his tea a flash of realisation swept through Lan Zhan's overwhelmed mind.

'You want to adopt a child?' He blurted out again before closing his mouth, determined not to open it before he had himself back under control.

Wei Ying sighed, this time it came out as a little chuckle but sounding like someone who didn't understand what was so hard for the other to grasp.

'NOOOO' He began. 'We are just starting to explore this….whatever it is between us…..I don't want to bring a child into it yet, especially as I don't even know if you want children.'

Lan Zhan's heart seemed to expand, allowing him his first deep breath in days.

'You still want to be with me' He allowed himself to say hopefully.

This time Wei Ying did smile, leaned forward and took his hand in his own. The contact seemed to send sparks of electricity through Lan Zhan's whole body. Filling him with hope, love and need. Wei Ying's thumb gently stroked the skin on the back is his hand as he spoke in a voice once again gentle and loving. A voice that didn't help his attempts to force back the desire swamping him.

'You said you can't remember the other night, that's fine, I can't remember the night at YiLing either so I guess we are even. But the other night you spent the whole night telling me I was yours, that's what those bite marks are for! You even wanted to mark me as yours. At the time I thought it was strange as you hadn't even spoke to me in days but….' Wei Ying smiled as Lan Zhan couldn't hold back the blush from travelling from his ears to his cheeks. 'Do you still want me as yours?'

Lan Zhan thought his heart, which had been nearly beating out of his chest, had now stopped beating altogether. How could Wei Ying ask him that? How could Wei Ying possibly think he would ever say no. Turning their hands over so his own hand was now on top Lan Zhan tried a few times to open his mouth, but words refused to come out. Eventually he managed to get a somewhat coherent word past his lips.

'Yes!'

'Wei Ying's smile of only got wider which sent Lan Zhan's heart galloping once more. Good god if Wei Ying carried this on the man would give him a heart attack. Instead though Wei Ying slid forwards on his pillow, his mouth kissed Lan Zhan's ear gently before leaning back just enough to allow him to feel that warm breath as the other spoke quietly, intimately.

'Then can you stop making decisions about my future? especially ones based on fantasies which make you look like a jealous fool?' Wei Ying laughed slightly.

This time Lan Zhan shook his head and Wei Ying looked puzzled.

'I can stop making decisions about you, but I will always be jealous of other people around you. I can't help it, that will never change. I don't want anyone else near you, let alone touching you!'

He wished he hadn't spoken so honestly, but honesty did seem the theme of this evenings talk. Wei Ying just stared at him for a moment and then smiled, that cheeky smile which never seemed to add up to anything good.

'Then do it…...make me yours again Lan Er'gege'

Lan Zhan's heart stopped once again!