I Wait

Chapter 34 – Breathe

"Take a deep breath
Until both sides of your heart get numb
Until it hurts a little
Let out your breath even more
Until you feel
like there's nothing left inside."

Tracking Sasuke down had been easier than Sakura thought, convincing Kakashi had taken longer than she'd expected but Sakura had refused to take no for an answer and eventually their sensei had caved and told her of Sasuke's last known location. After months of travelling around with Sasuke, Sakura had a good idea of his thought pattern during a mission and where he would most likely go first, where he would be staying, how he would move. It was an inn in a small trading post of a town town close to the border of the fire country and Sound that he was staying. Sakura wasn't sure how she knew. But the moment she saw the quaint building on the outskirts of town with the clean, easy to read sign…she just knew. This would be the kind of place that Sasuke would choose to stay. When she walked in, the inn keeper – an older woman with silvering dark hair looked up, the crow's feet around her eyes becoming more prominent when she laid eyes on Sakura.
"Hello, dear." She mentioned Sakura inside, nodding towards the fan next to the entrance and Sakura heaved a sigh of relief, shooting the lady a grateful smile as she hurried to get inside and in front of the contraption, immediately opening her cloak to the cool air it was blowing.
"Quite scorching today for this time of year, isn't it?"
Sakura smiled over her shoulder. "Yes, I think I got a little bit sunburnt on the way here."
She hummed, giving a nod. "Been travelling long?"
"Not too long." It had only taken two other towns and multiple no's for her to reach this place and Sakura was hoping for some good news.
"Were you wanting to book a room, dear?"
"I – uh – well, actually, I've come looking for someone." Sakura turned away from the fan a little reluctantly and faced the inn keeper.
The woman seemed a little reluctant. "Oh? I'm not sure how much help I'm able to be…"
"I would just like to know if there is – or was – a man staying here, around my age? Tall, dark haired, quiet –"
Now, the inn keeper gave a little laugh but it sounded a little…sultry to Sakura's ears. "Handsome?"
"Uh, yes." Sakura said with a reluctant smile. This woman was old enough to be her mother but from the sound of that laugh, Sakura had no doubt she'd attempted to hit on Sasuke. Probably more than once.
"Yes, he's staying here."
Relief and hope blossomed in Sakura's chest. Sasuke had been staying there – was still booked into the room. "Can I-"
"He's not here unfortunately."
Sakura's smile fell.
"He left about a day ago and hasn't returned – and before you ask, I'm unable to give you his room key. Our policy is strict, I'm afraid. We respect the privacy of our guests."
"I…understand." Sakura nodded. "Could I just wait for him?" she glanced out of the window. It was close to nightfall. Her best bet would be to wait for him to return, she couldn't risk the chance of him returning and moving on to another location and missing him altogether. If his things were still here, he would have to return at some point. And Sakura would have to be there waiting for him.
"…You may." The inn keeper said after a moment. "He's in room 3 at the end of the hallway. There is a chair there if you would like to sit."
Sakura smiled her thanks and headed down the hallway. She didn't sit but she did remove her cloak and bag, setting them both down on the floor in front of his room. When the inn keeper stepped away Sakura would have to take a chance and check the room – just to make sure that she wasn't waiting for some strange man to return, although from the look she'd received from the inn keeper, there was no doubt this was indeed her Sasuke. He was the only man who could illicit that dreamy look from any female he crossed paths with. Sakura leaned back against the wall, letting out a weary sigh. Things had happened so quickly that she hadn't had much of a chance to process this herself. Her palm pressed against her belly, there was a small bump there but not entirely noticeable yet. Sakura held her breath as a green glow filled the hallway and her hand warmed against her stomach. At first, nothing happened. She felt something there, something that hadn't been there before – a shape of some kind and then it happened. She felt it – the tiniest heartbeat. Tiny, but strong. A startled sound left her throat and she dropped her hand to her side. Her back slid down the wall until she was seated on the floor, knees drawn up to her chest and Sakura laid her forehead down on them.

It hadn't been that long ago when Hinata had shared the news of her own pregnancy and Sakura still remembered the stab of envy she'd felt. Sakura had wished so badly that it was her. That she could have Hinata's life. To be married to the man she loved, to be carrying his child. Sakura had wanted that so badly that she'd felt guilty about it later. She'd never thought much about the possibility of children before. As a thirteen year old, hearing Sasuke speak about reviving his clan had put some ideas into her head but she'd soon realized how unrealistic those dreams were as a shinobi. What would she do? Carry child after child for him and what? Would that have been her life? What about her goals and her ambitions?
Sakura had given up on those daydreams very quickly and with that the possibility of any children. That perspective had changed before she'd even realized it. Sakura hadn't known until the mention of children had come up and she'd looked at Sasuke and just knew that she wanted this with him. Children, a family. However many he wanted. A part of her knew that there was a big chance he didn't want children – considering his reaction when the question had come up. Knowing that had made her uneasy and she'd been afraid to ask him, to even bring the question up to him. Because mostly…she feared him saying no. Would that be a deal breaker for her? Of course not. Would it break her?

Maybe.

She hadn't realized she wanted this. Everything. With him. Until it was too late to change her heart. Yes, things between them were still new. And every day they'd spent together she'd managed to love him more. And every time she found something about him she didn't know – a mannerism, a secret he'd kept close to his heart, Sakura could feel that balloon in her chest expanding more and more. But despite that she hadn't thought – not once – that this baby would be anything other than a blessing. That this child would become their entire world. That their little family would be even more perfect with it there. Sakura swallowed, blinking past the sudden rush of tears and she resisted the urge to touch her stomach again, to confirm that little life was indeed growing inside of her. Something that was both him and her.
"Sakura?"
Sakura's head whipped to the side. The hallway around her was dark, lit only by a single oil lamp at the end where he was standing. It lit his frame well enough that Sakura could see the shock on his face. But it was him. Sasuke.

And seeing him again after months stole her breath.
"Sasuke-…kun."
He was across the hallway before she could even inhale and it took Sakura a moment of just staring up at him before she could push herself up from the floor. He didn't ask what she was doing there or why she'd come – not yet, anyway. Sasuke swallowed soundlessly, the only indication was the movement of his adam's apple. He reached past her, pressing into her as he leaned forward to unlock the door to his room. The silence hung between them as Sakura turned and stepped into the room ahead of him and the sound of the lock turning brought everything home. For a moment she'd forgotten – got distracted by him. By his proximity. But that wasn't right. She was here because she was expecting his child.

And she needed to tell him.

Sakura turned to face him but before she could speak she felt his hand in her hair and her forehead was pressed to his chest. Her tears returned harshly and Sakura took a shaky breath, her arms heavy at her sides. He'd missed her, she knew that. She could feel it. Just as much as she'd missed him. For a long moment they just stood together like that and then Sakura lifted her head and pushed herself up on her toes and pressed her lips against his. Sasuke tensed and Sakura kissed him again, a simple thing – just pressing her lips to his. Green eyes flipped up to meet his gaze and Sasuke seemed to relax then, his hand pressing against her nape to bring her mouth to his and Sakura opened up to him immediately, his lips warm but almost cautious on hers.
"Sakura," he mumbled as if he wasn't sure if he wanted to talk or continue kissing her. "I need to…"
"Tell me something?" Sakura guessed and Sasuke considered before nodding. "Something like that."
"Me too."
When he lifted a brow Sakura grinned nervously, trying to buy more time to prepare herself as she shook her head. "You go first."
"There's probably a better way to do this. No, I know there's a better way but I – " Sasuke broke off, staring down at her before leaning down and pressing a hard kiss to her lips. "Fuck, Sakura. Seeing you again…I just…" he inhaled deeply and stepped back. "I want you to marry me, Sakura."
Sakura faltered, blinking rapidly as if her mind couldn't process what she'd just heard. There was no way….no way he'd just said that. Marry her?
"Sakura?"
"Are you asking me?" she croaked.
Sasuke didn't hesitate. "Aa. I am."
Say it. Sakura inhaled sharply. Say yes. Say you'll marry him.
"I…I'm pregnant, Sasuke-kun." The words came out as barely a whisper but he heard her. She knew he did because Sasuke became still very quickly and the emotion seemed to vanish from his face in an instant. For the first time…his eyes were closed off from her.
"Sasuke-kun…?" Say something.
"You're pregnant." He said. Not a question.
"I…yes. I am."
"And you came here to tell me." He said as if he was piecing it together in his mind.
It wasn't a question but Sakura answered again, if only to fill the tense silence. "Yes."
Sasuke turned sharply and stumbled to the bed, drunk in his step, but Sakura couldn't move from the spot as she watched him slump down, putting his head in his hand.
In a way…she'd expected this after seeing his face that day at the conference but a part of her had hoped….hoped he would be happy. That he would share what she'd been feeling. But this wasn't that. This was the exact opposite. His dread was almost palpable and it sunk into her pores making it hard to breathe. She wanted to speak, to saying something, anything. But as he dropped his hand and looked at her, Sakura knew there was nothing she could say to change this. To change that look on his face.
Unconsciously, her palm pressed against her stomach again as if the child could somehow bring her comfort and Sasuke's eyes followed the movement with an almost pained look in them.
"Just tell me why." Sakura said with more strength in her voice than she was actually feeling.
"I'm cursed, Sakura." He sounded almost…broken then. Lost. "The Uchiha…are cursed."
Sakura said nothing as he squeezed his eyes shut. "I didn't want to pass this shit on." His voice cracked at the end, cutting off the sentence abruptly.
He'd mentioned it before. The curse that he'd lived through with his brother. The curse that the Uchiha had suffered from the beginning.
Sakura stepped towards him, kneeling between his knees as she took his hand. "But Sasuke-kun," she said softly. "You chose differently."
Sasuke frowned, his fingers twitching in her hand.
"You turned away from the curse at the Valley of the End. You made the choice to embrace the Will of Fire. And so will our child."
"How can you be sure?"
"Because this baby will have us."
Sakura stood, slowly bringing his hand to her stomach, giving him every opportunity to pull away.

He didn't.

And she watched the pain disappear from his face and that same wonder take over his face that she'd seen there only a few times before as he felt what she had.

A heartbeat.

x-x-x-x-

They were married a few days later and somehow the letter had reached Konoha in time because Naruto, Hinata, Kakashi, Sai and Ino had all arrived before the ceremony. While Sakura had intended to just wear a dress she'd packed, Hinata and Ino had other ideas and arrived with a ceremonial kimono packed away. While they'd only been able to bring so much, Sakura was still grateful. When Sakura emerged, Sasuke had also changed from what he'd been planning to wear. He stood at the shrine, waiting for her dressed in the traditional black and white. An endlessly tender look in his eyes as she closed the distance between them.

Their little family stood together as Sasuke and Sakura were finally bound together.

Sakura hadn't returned to Konoha after their honeymoon. Sasuke had written to Kakashi and although he'd sometimes disappeared during their travels to investigate what she knew was linked to that clan neither of them dared to mention it. They continued going from village to village as he'd done during his redemption journeys, helping where they could. Sometimes staying for days so that Sakura could heal villagers in places where they desperately needed it. Sasuke never stopped her but he always stayed close by, keeping an eye on her. And despite her growing belly, he continued to familiarize himself with her body, finding new ways to pleasure her at every opportunity and Sakura had done things to him in turn that made her blush days later when she recalled it. But mostly, what she remembered from those months was waking in the middle of the night to feel his hand on the bare skin of her stomach – idly drawing shapes into her skin with a reverent touch. Not once had she stirred or given him any indication that she was awake, and if he knew, he'd never said anything himself and neither mentioned it but it was impossible for Sakura to forget.

They'd attempted to pin down exactly when she'd gotten pregnant but the fact that they'd been unable to keep their hands off of each other from the moment they returned to Konoha…made finding the exact time a little hard. Sakura surmised that when she'd found him she must have been around three months but even in guessing that, she still went into labour early. They'd been planning to return to Konoha to have Tsunade or Shizune deliver the baby and had in fact been on their way there when it happened. She'd been waddling, holding on to his arm for support and despite the fact that they'd needed to stop often to rest, Sasuke had thought they were making good time back, until her water broke. Two days' travel from Konoha.
"Are you panicking?" Sakura hissed, gripping onto his arm tightly as she glared up at him.
"I'm not." Sasuke denied.
"It's written all over your face." Sakura glared up at him half-heartedly but groaned when a contraction hit her.
"…Sakura?"
"It hurts, Sasuke-kun,"
Sasuke grew quiet again and Sakura peeked up at him. "Sasuke-kun,"
"I'm fine," he said, his voice hard despite the shock on his face.
Carrying Sakura had never been a problem. But carrying a heavily pregnant Sakura with only one arm proved to be a little more difficult. Sasuke knew where he needed to go. There was no way he could let Sakura have this baby out on the road. He knew she wouldn't like it but he saw no other choice this far away from civilization. And maybe she was so out of it that she wouldn't notice. Or so he'd hoped.

Unfortunately, she did.

Sakura noticed the familiar look of one of Orochimaru's hideouts immediately. "No," she tried to say around the pain. "Sasuke-kun I-"
"Sakura, be reasonable."
Sakura wailed into her hand as another bout of pain slammed through her and Sasuke put a hand on her head almost helplessly. "Be reasonable? Sasuke-kun –"
"What the hell is all this noise?"
Sakura's head snapped up to the new voice, her hair hung around her head, now much longer than it had ever been but she recognized that voice anywhere.
Karin.
The redhead looked understandably shocked at the scene – Sakura panting and covered in sweat, her hands braced on her knees, belly round and unmistakably pregnant with Sasuke next to her no doubt looking panicked and pale despite him saying otherwise.
"Karin," Sasuke said and her eyes went to him immediately. Sakura knew that look all too well. It was the same way she'd always looked at him. Before. But there was defeat in Karin's eyes too, as if she was attempting to mask her heart breaking. "I need your help."
"I figured." Karin said in her rough way. "Tch. Fine. Bring her," Karin turned without another word. And Sasuke slipped his hand into Sakura's and she glanced up at him – perhaps to see if he'd noticed the look on Karin's face, but Sasuke just gave her an encouraging look and helped her along.
It was somewhere on her way into the room and laying down on the bed that Sakura made peace with it. She would give birth to their baby in one of Orochimaru's hideouts, there was no getting out of it now.
Sasuke came around her, slipping his hand into hers as Karin returned with cloths and water and immediately began barking orders and despite Sakura yelling back at her, she began to respect Karin in those moments. She might never like the woman, but she respected her.
Sakura had no concept of time as the pain dragged on but Sasuke's hand was an anchor, keeping her from floating away altogether.
And then it was over. The wail of a baby filled the room. A sound she'd heard many times in the hospital and never given it a second thought. Now, it caused her to break. A sob bubbled from her lips and then another. She felt Sasuke's hand smooth down her face, his lips against the skin of her cheek as he spoke.
"It's a girl, Sakura."
"A girl?" she only cried harder.
Karin bundled the baby up, her hand smoothing over the blanket before lifting the child up in gentle hands and walking over to where Sakura was still crying but she seemed to quiet down the moment she laid eyes on the bundle.
Karin placed the baby in Sakura's arms slowly and Sakura stopped breathing as she stared down at the little baby who looked just like Sasuke, down to the patch of dark hair on her head. She was so enamoured by the little wonder that she didn't even notice when Karin slipped out of the room. Slowly Sakura lifted her eyes to Sasuke but he was staring down at the baby in her arms, unshed tears in his eyes. He didn't even blink when his eyes moved to Sakura and she smiled softly but his legs seemed to bend then. She held a hand out to him and Sasuke gripped onto it tightly as he climbed onto the bed next to her, his arm going around her gently as both of them stared down at the bundle in her arms for hours to come.

It was Sakura who had taken a piece of paper the next morning when she'd gotten up – despite Sasuke's protests about it being too soon – and written down the name she had in mind. She'd been thinking of it for a while. Three parts to make up her name.
She'd handed the piece of paper to Sasuke and he'd taken one look at it and the emotion had disappeared from his face, but his fingers had tightened around the paper.
And then he'd set it down on the small table. "Sakura," his arm had gone around her waist slowly, and she could feel the tightness in his body when he pulled her close and buried his face in her neck.

"Arigato."

They'd stayed at the hideout only long enough for Sakura to recover and when it was time to leave, Sakura asked where they would go next. Sasuke answered with one simple word as he stared down at Sarada.
"Home."

x-x-x-x-

Them returning to Konoha with a baby had been a shock to Naruto at first but he'd gotten over it quickly since he was also very proudly showing off his new born. Hinata had given birth just days before Sakura. To a boy the spitting image of his father. Sakura would never grow tired of seeing how excited both Naruto and Sasuke were about being fathers. Sasuke, more quietly so, but it was evident in everything he did.

And for a while, they were happy.

But Sakura knew it was coming.

The five Kage summit. And it was upon them before she knew it. And when Naruto arrived at the door days later, quietly handing Sasuke a letter – she knew. Sasuke changed in front of her eyes. He folded the letter shut and handed it back to Naruto with a stiffness she hadn't seen in years and then he shut the door between them, cutting off whatever Naruto was about to say. Sasuke had known that Sakura was watching and when he looked up at her something inside of her seemed to crack and split open. He said nothing as he turned, and headed to Sarada's room.
Sakura followed him in to where Sarada was sleeping.
It took her a moment to find the right words. To know exactly what to say to make this better. To make this not happen at all. "Do you have to go?" Sakura whispered around the pain that clouded her throat as Sasuke stood over Sarada's bed, watching the little girl breathe steadily.
Sasuke's breath hitched. "Aa-"
"Does it have to be you..."
Sasuke reached out, taking Sarada's little hand in his. She didn't stir. Sakura could see how difficult this was for him. His hand shook slightly when he smoothed it over their little girl's dark hair. And then he swallowed once, closing his eyes as he turned away. Sakura followed him out and down the hallway, where he bent and put his shoes on and when he stood it took him a long moment to turn to her, as if he struggled to do it. Sakura stared up at him wide-eyed. Don't cry. She knew this was it. It could be months. No, years before she saw him again. Don't cry.
"There's no one else who can do this, Sakura." he told her, sounding like there was a forced calm in his voice. The doors were closed but it felt like the cold November air blew onto her bare skin. Sakura gave a few quick nods, but she couldn't speak. They stared at each other, unable to move, unable to look away. Unshed tears swam in her eyes.

I know. She wanted to say.

I don't want you do go. She wanted to say.

"I know, Sakura." he said, his voice soft.
Sakura blinked in surprise and her tears finally spilled over. He was there though, Sasuke slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her to him. Sakura whimpered in agony as she put her arms around him.
"I love you, Sakura. Never forget that." he said right into her ear but it only made her cry harder.
"I love you, I love you, I love-," she sobbed, the words were blubbered and probably unintelligible, but Sasuke understood. He pulled back a little and kissed her deeply and Sakura didn't hesitate, she clung to him as his arm tightened around her and she kissed him back fiercely. She wasn't sure how long they stood there, in each other's arms, kissing. But any amount of time would've been over too soon.
Both breathless, they pulled back only enough to look at each other. Sakura continued to cry silently and Sasuke cheeks were damp and she wondered if she'd wet them while kissing him.
"Be safe, please. Promise me."
Sasuke swallowed tightly. "Aa. I promise."
"And don't forget that I...we'll be here at home waiting for you. For as long as it takes."
Sasuke's eyes widened and then he squeezed them shut tightly his forehead somehow finding hers. Sakura leaned up and kissed him softly. "Don't forget."
Sasuke stepped back.
She didn't say goodbye. "Itte rasshai."

Come home soon.

Sasuke took last long look at her and then he slid open the door and stepped out.

x-x-x-x-

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read this story and thanks to those who left me comments, I never would have been able to keep writing this without your support.

My friend has been telling me to post writing related stuff on my twitter (updates, snippets, etc.). I'm not sure because I hardly post there and it's just me liking a ton of Sasusaku and Attack on Titan stuff at the moment. But if anyone is interested, I can definitely do it. I'm planning another sasusaku fic at the moment and would post updates on it there then. My Twitter is zanachaaan. Also, anyone is welcome to message me about anything – I'm always happy to chat!

Again, thank you to everyone for reading this.

Much love and stay safe,

Zana-lee