And here we are with the penultimate chapter, if you will, as it is the next to last one of this story. We're in both Lilith and Athelstan's perspectives here, because I wanted to show what they were both experiencing being back with each other. And we also have them catch up on a few things that married couples just have to catch up on occasionally.
Don't let me keep you. Read on!
Promise
Despite the slight chill that eased into the tent through the flap that led to the camp, when Athelstan shivered beneath her touch as she eased her fingertips over his shoulders, Lilith couldn't bring herself to stop. She'd spent all year dreaming of this, and the wind would not keep her from doing it now. As he shivered, he laughed, clenching his jaw and then his fists. She knew he was trying not to give in to whatever sensations were causing him to shiver, and she wondered why he fought those feelings. She would ask him about them soon enough, but for now, she only wanted to make sure she knew his skin and his arms and his body the way she'd known it before he left.
And he had many new scars for her to memorize.
"Are you committing me to memory again?" he wondered aloud.
Her fingertip slid over a deep scar between his shoulder blades, and he shivered again, clenching his teeth. "I'm making sure you're in one piece," she informed him. "I still remember the way you did it the morning you found all of my scars. And you were furious. Am I not allowed to be?"
He turned his head in her direction without looking at her. "Of course you are," he agreed. "I just thought it would be different when we were together again. I'll be glad when we can put all of this behind us."
Lilith realized halfway down the length of his back that these had been the same lash marks she'd seen in her dream only days earlier. She stepped closer to him, feeling the heat coming off his body and kissing the space just below the nape of his neck. He stood up straight then, almost turning to face her but stopping when she nudged him further into the tent where a tub of already steaming water waited.
"You know, I took a bath just two days ago," he stated even as he climbed into the tub and sat in the water.
Lilith laugh as she untied the front of her dress and then sat down to take off her shoes. "And the only person I trust to keep you clean is me," she countered, reaching up to pull the braids from her hair. "I also still remember how the monks used to bathe at the monastery. It's a wonder they did not become sick more often. You and I were lucky."
He grinned as he sank into the water to his shoulders, watching her as intently as he ever had. "Why is that?" he questioned.
One braid came down, and she undid it before she answered him. "We were neither monks nor adults when we were there," she pointed out. "Brother Cuthren made sure we washed at least every other day even if he didn't. We were innocent and clean, and he wanted us to remain that way."
He nodded, agreeing and then laughing. "You're right, of course," he admitted. "But they took care of me here as well, Lili. They weren't all like Brother Cenwulf or Father Cuthbert. And King Ecbert was — is kind. More like Brother Cuthren than Father Cuthbert."
She smirked, finishing with her hair and standing up to pull her dress off. The heavy fabric fell to the linen covered ground as she looked up at her husband, noticing his gaping mouth and wide eyes. "What's wrong?" she pleaded.
Athelstan shook his head. "Nothing," he declared even as he stared at her like he was seeing her for the first time. "I — I thought about this so much. I can't believe it's really happening. You're really here."
Lilith laughed again, moving to her daughter's crib and undressing her as well, lifting her in her arms and moving to the tub. "Well, if that is the case, then perhaps you'll remember how to bathe a baby. Our daughter is in serious need of a washing."
He sat up quickly, lifting his hands and taking Iðunn as she garbled and then giggled. It took him a minute to adjust, gasping as he settled their daughter on his chest and cupping water over her back. "When was she born?" he asked as she lifted her head and looked at him.
"The last day of December, during Yol," Lilith revealed as she knelt beside the tub with a dry linen. "We had just executed Jarl Borg, and Bjorn said it was what the gods wanted. I knew she would be born that day. Everyone was surprised but me, of course. Even Aslaug."
The look on Athelstan's face told her he was thinking about what she said, and she knew he was wondering about the boys and probably Helga as well. She folded her arms together over the side of the tub, leaning closer to him until he looked at her and smiling when he did. "Don't worry about anything until we get home," she half-commanded even as he leaned in and kissed her.
"I'm not worried," he declared. "I'm here with you now, and I know it will all work itself out. When you were younger, I wondered what life would be like if we had left the monastery, but now, I would never want to imagine our lives without Ragnar. Without Lagertha or Aslaug. Gyda and the boys. They're our family, and we would be lost without them. I know it in my soul."
His words filled Lilith with the kind of hope she hadn't felt in twelve months, and she wrapped her arms around him and their daughter, kissing him just as he had kissed her. "Well, there he is," she whispered and kissed him again.
He laughed softly and kissed her a little longer. "Who?"
Lilith 'hmm'd against his lips. "My husband," she said and nodded.
His brow furrowed deeper than she'd ever seen, and then he smiled. "And who else would I be?" he wondered and then laughed again.
Before she could move away to retrieve the cup for Iðunn, he stopped her and brought her closer to him, finally noticing the new tattoo that curved around her arm. Lilith pulled her hair from her neck, watching him smile as he eased his fingertips up her arm to her shoulder.
"When did you get this?" he asked softly.
Lilith laughed and then turned so her back was to him, allowing him to see the rest of the wings that covered the back of her shoulders. "Only a few months ago," she revealed. "Aslaug said it was better to wait until our daughter was further along in her development before I decided to do it. The man who did it wanted to make it look like all the other markings he does, but I told him to do it exactly as I had drawn it, so he had no choice."
It was her turn to shiver as he traced the edges of the wings along her shoulders, and she almost didn't recover, feeling him kiss the same spot on her back that she had on his.
"Well," he said and leaned away so she could face him again, "it seems I have a lot of catching up to do. Though I cannot say I ever wanted to have a tattoo quite this extensive. Once again, you are ahead of me in yet another thing."
Lilith leaned closer to him, laying her forehead over his and breathing in as deeply as she could. "We have all the time in the world, my love," she whispered.
He kissed her once more before she stood up and brought back the cup she needed, and he took it without her having to explain what it was for, smiling as he lay their daughter over his chest and began pouring the warm water over her back. She lifted her head again, looking at him and almost studying his face. He laughed softly and kissed her gently, causing her to giggle again. Lilith watched him with her, suddenly so content that she couldn't believe how quickly it had happened.
She'd spent so much time wanting this and pleading with whatever gods would listen to her to make it happen. In the end, it had been her own actions that made it possible. If she'd done what Ragnar said and what Aslaug said, and what the gods told her to do, she wouldn't be here now. She would be waiting at home for Ragnar to bring Athelstan back to her. That hadn't been good enough. She knew she had gone long enough with him in her life, and she knew if no one else was going to do it, then she would have to.
Athelstan sat up then, holding Iðunn up in his arms and then leaning her back so he could wash the front of her little body. Her little hand found his as he rubbed her skin, and he stopped, turning her arm over to see the birthmark on her forearm. The smile that had been on his face faded instantly, and he looked up at Lilith, his brow furrowing as deep as ever.
"What is this?" he half-demanded.
Lilith took another deep breath, kneeling beside the tub. "Aslaug found it right after she was born," she began. "She asked me about my scars, and when I told her, she didn't understand it anymore than I did. I don't know if it is because of me or because of what happened to me. It's just a birthmark."
While cradling their daughter in his arm, Athelstan lifted her arm to his lips, kissing the mark on her skin. He reached for Lilith's arm where the same marks still marred her skin, kissing it as well and then leaning up to kiss her. He lay his forehead against hers, breathing in deeply just as she had and then lifting his lips to her forehead.
"My girls," he whispered softly and held them both close to him.
Lilith smiled when he said that, claiming the back of his head and leaning back to look at him as he lifted his gaze to her. "And we always will be," she promised him.
He laughed just once and kissed her again, continuing to wash their daughter and sitting her back against his legs to look at her as she looked at him.
It took another few minutes for him to finish, and when he did and tried to rise out of the tub with her, Lilith stopped him.
"She might be finished with her bath," she told him, adding, "but I still have not had mine. And neither have you."
Athelstan relinquished their daughter reluctantly, remaining sat in the tub and watching her as she wrapped Iðunn in a clean linen to dry her off. Lilith glanced back at him as she held their daughter against her, seeing the way his eyes flowed up her body from her legs to her shoulders and then back down. She laughed without meaning to, wrapping clean dressings around her daughter and a new dress before she tucked her in tightly so she would sleep.
When Lilith faced Athelstan again, he looked at her again, taking in her body and her face as she came closer to him and biting his lip just before she stepped into the tub with him and then took up the same place where their daughter had been moments earlier. The smile on his face showed her he was happy, but the hunger in his eyes told her something else. Just seeing how he looked at her reminded her how much she wanted him.
"So," she said as she settled with her body above his, "you seem to need some practice bathing someone else."
He blushed as he laughed, leaning his lips closer to her as he eased his hand up her back to the nape of her neck. "Well, I haven't done it in over a year," he reminded her and slid his other hand down her back to cup her bottom.
Lilith gasped against his mouth and wrapped her arm around his shoulders, feeling him against her in a way he hadn't been in far too long. "Well, you know what they say," she said and brought her legs up so her feet were planted over the bottom of the tub. "Practice makes perfect."
He laughed again, kissing her as he cradled her head and moved against her so she would know what he wanted. He didn't say anything else, bringing her closer until it was impossible to know where he ended and she began. She hadn't felt this in over a year, realizing as he came inside her that out of everything she had wanted since he'd left, this was the one thing she had wanted most of all. Touching him and kissing him and having him close to her were all precious things to her that she had missed so dearly, but making love with him had been the only thing she had desired more than any of those things.
"Lili," he whispered softly, groaning into her and laying his forehead over hers.
She shivered against him, overwhelmed by every sensation coursing through her body, astonished that she had been able to wait so long for this to happen again.
"Oh, I have missed you," he exhaled, exerting enough force to displace water from inside the tub. "I have missed you so much. Lili!"
She didn't let go of him for anything, claiming his cheek as he kissed her again and swearing to all the gods and even her first God that she would never let go of him again.
After their bath, and after they had expended whatever energy was leftover from the day, they laid over the cot next to their daughter's crib. Lilith still didn't care about the slight breeze that continued to fill the tent, finding every new mark on Athelstan's skin until she came to the circular puncture marks on both his hands. The apprehension he'd had when she first found them had faded completely, and while she took in these scars, he watched her the same way he always had.
"What was it like?" she whispered, almost caressing his palm.
He closed his hand around hers, wrapping his other arm around her to hold her as close to him as he could without folding her up inside him. "It was . . . excruciating," he said, trying to find the word that expressed it best. "But it wasn't as excruciating as being away from you. Knowing you were alone and you needed me was more painful than anything I've ever felt. It was worse than when I was away on missions when you were younger. Back then, I knew I would return to you, and I knew nothing would ever come between us. But here, nothing was certain. Nearly no one here wanted me here, so I had no one to talk to about you or home. And everywhere I looked, you were there. I knew I had to heal so I could get back to you. I never imagined that you would come for me," he laughed, kissing her lips and then her forehead.
Lilith laughed too, lifting the back of her hand to his cheek and then easing it under his chin to the other cheek. "Ragnar wasn't happy when I told him I was coming," she revealed. "He was worried, of course, and he said that because he was my father that I had to listen to him. I told him that because I was adult that I would listen to him but still make my own decisions. I would not stay behind again and wait for him to bring you to me. I would bring you home myself. And no one would stop me."
"Well, that sounds like you," he almost teased and leaned back so their foreheads and noses and lips almost touched. "I would have crossed the sea to return to you if I'd had the strength. Nothing will ever take me away from you again. I will not allow it. I swear, Lili. I swear," he promised as she eased up to her elbow so she was above him.
She lifted her fingertips to his brow and then his hair, combing it back and pressing a kiss to his skin. "I swear," she said and leaned back to look at him. "I have always had faith in you, and it has never wavered. I have loved you since I first saw you, and I always will. You are not only in my heart, my dear husband. You are in my blood and my soul, my bones and my skin. Everything I have is yours, and it always will be. And if you ever so much as think about leaving me again, I will find a way to chain you down and keep you with me."
He laughed a little louder as she finished, still holding her hand in his and rising to his elbow to face her. "You will never have to worry about that ever again," he assured her and then kissed her. Then he whispered against her lips. "I was chained to you the moment I saw you, and I always will be. My heart is yours, yes, but my life is also yours. You and our daughter, you are the only ones that matter to me now. And if anyone tries to take either of you from me, it will be the last thing they ever do."
Lilith smiled even as she closed her eyes, feeling her heart swell and her lungs fill and her belly tremble. She had not heard him speak to her in so long, and now he was making up for that and so much more in such a short period of time. If she wasn't careful, she feared her heart might explode from beating so fast. It didn't matter how long it had been, all of that time lost just disappeared in these few precious moments.
After only a moment more of silence, Athelstan eased his lips from hers, kissing her chin and then her neck before he turned her to her back and pressed his lips to her chest above where her heart was still racing. Lilith thought for a split second about stopping him since they weren't technically alone, especially with her father, brother and sister nearby, but then he arrived at her belly and moved beyond that, and she didn't care who heard her.
He didn't stay there long, only long enough to bring her a new release so he could crawl back over her and slide inside her a second time after what they'd done in the bath tub. He wrapped her legs around him, keeping his gaze upon hers and ensuring that they remained as woven together as they always had been. Lilith thought about their wedding night and their honeymoon and every other time they'd made love before now, and much to her surprise, none of those times had felt like this. Even after so much time apart, Athelstan still knew how to touch her and hold her and love her, and it didn't look like that was ever going to change.
"I love you, Lili," he cried and kissed her. "Oh, I love you so much."
She held onto him as securely as she ever had, unable to control the sounds that flowed from her like a fountain. She didn't have to say it back. Her body did it for her.
To her amazement, the cot never made a sound, withstanding their movements and allowing them to make love in as much peace as they could given the circumstances. Lilith thought there might be something other than her and Athelstan's voices that might give them away to the warriors outside, but it was surprisingly quiet outside their tent. She hoped that meant she wouldn't have to shoot down any looks from anyone in the morning. Surely, none of them would begrudge her this, since most of them knew who she was and who Athelstan was. Surely, they would all let her have this one thing.
Lilith felt Athelstan's release just as her second one overcame her, and she expected him to turn them both so they could rest, but he didn't. He stayed with her for long enough for them both to even their breathing, and just as he was about to move, their daughter cried out, having awoken from her short nap. Lilith sighed softly and smiled up at her husband, laughing when he smiled and releasing him reluctantly so he could stand up and reach into the cradle for her.
"It's all right, darling," he soothed, easily comforting her as he turned back to Lilith and smiled as he held their daughter against him. "Your mother and I are here with you, and soon, we'll all be going home together."
He kissed her forehead and then the top of her head, lowering his gaze to Lilith as she watched him. She smiled when he did, prompting him to lean over and kiss her as well.
Lilith felt her heart swell again, and she realized for the first time in a year that she was happy again, happier than she'd been when it was just the two of them if that was possible. When she'd carried Iðunn inside her and wondered what she would look like, she'd only imagined this once or twice, not wanting to want it more than having her daughter be healthy and safe. When she had given birth and held her daughter in her arms for the first time, she had missed sharing it with Athelstan so badly that it hurt to breathe. Now he was here, and he was comforting their daughter, and Lilith couldn't believe it was real.
For the first time in her life, even after all those years with Athelstan on the island and then the farm with Gyda and the last few years in Kattegat with the boys, Lilith's hearth was full. She had everything in her life she had ever wanted, and she couldn't imagine it being any better than it was in this moment.
"Is this fair?" Lilith asked, watching Athelstan hold their daughter closer and move to the table where some drinks were still prepared from earlier.
He poured a cup of ale and took a drink before he spoke. "What?" he asked instead of answering.
"This," she said again, and he looked at her. "Us here doing this when so many others won't ever have this chance. Ragnar and Aslaug are fighting about Ivar. Floki and Helga are arguing about the baby she's having. And we're here with our own child, and I have never been happier than I am right now."
For a minute, he said nothing, cradling their daughter in his arms and kissing her forehead gently. Then he moved back to the cot and sat down, holding the cup and Iðunn securely. "I don't think after the year we've had apart that anyone would think us selfish for enjoying this a little," he said softly, looking at their daughter as she looked up at him and smiling as he kissed her again. "And I clearly have a lot to catch up on. Floki and Helga are having a child together? When did this happen?"
Lilith laughed softly, sitting up in front of him. "Just before our daughter was born," she revealed. "Floki asked her to marry him after she discovered she was with child. And of course she said yes. But there is something happening with him that I cannot understand, and Helga has been distressed about it ever since he came back from England the last time. I don't know what happened to him, but I cannot say I was very happy about it when he came back and you did not."
The smile on his face fell almost completely. "I know what happened," he said and leaned Iðunn away from him as she looked up at him. "He didn't like that Ragnar depended on me so much while we were all here the first time. And I thought if I stood up to him that he would stop, but it only seemed to make it worse. It was worse than when Father Cuthbert had tested me in the monastery, when I took his vows and when I found out what he'd done to you. It was worse because of every reason you said it would be. He thought I was weak, and he didn't like that I was stronger than him."
Lilith touched his face, waiting until he looked at her to speak. "Floki might not like it," she said, smiling and leaned closer to kiss him. "But I do. I love that you are so strong and so wise, and no matter what Floki does or says, I always will. I always have. And now I know you will show our daughter to be strong. Even if no one else had faith in you, I will. And I hope you never doubt that."
He grinned against her lips, still holding their daughter in his arm as he lifted his hand to her cheek. "Of all the people who have said that to me in the last several months, those words only mean anything to me when they are spoken by you. And we will both teach our daughter to be strong. After all, someone will have to embolden her curiosity while the other must temper her stubbornness."
She kissed him just once before she laid back down over the cot. "And if you ever say that to my sister, I will deny it, because she will never let me hear the end of it."
He laughed softly, and she did, closing her eyes and still seeing the images from her dreams that had plagued her the last several days. If she and Athelstan were both lucky, they would never again have to see so much blood or death. They had both been through enough to last a lifetime. Surely all the gods would agree to leave them alone for a little while.
"Tell me what else you're thinking," he said softly after a quiet minute.
Lilith rose to her elbow and propped her head on her hand. "I'm thinking I must have died and gone to Heaven," she said, and he looked at their daughter, cradling her and then lifting his gaze to her over the dark curls on her head. "I wonder if it is fair for me to be this happy when I know so much has happened, and there is still so much we have to talk about. I'm wishing I could go back to when we decided you would leave, and I want to be selfish. I want to go back and tell you that I do not want you to go, and even if I can't do that, I wanted it from the moment you sailed away."
His sigh touched the part of her that was still sad, and she knew what he was going to say before he even said it.
"Lili, I — "
"It's all right," she said before he could apologize again. "I wanted this for much longer than I wanted that, and now that I have it, I would not trade it for anything. I know we cannot go back and change what has passed, and I don't want to anymore. We're together now, and nothing is taking us apart again."
She reached out then, laying her hand over the back of his head and easing as close to their daughter as she could without smothering her. She leaned up, and he leaned down, meeting her halfway and kissing her just once before he spoke.
"I will never leave you again," he swore. "If you never want to leave Kattegat again, then neither will I. If you want to travel and explore the world, then that is what we will do. I will do whatever it takes to ensure we live the rest of our lives together, because that is how it is meant to be. I was trying to do what was expected of me because I thought it was the right thing to do, for us and you and her," he said as he looked at their daughter again. "I was worried about what people would say, and I got so caught up in providing you with a good life that I didn't realize that I had already done that. I know now that it doesn't matter what other people think or say, especially when those things mean we have to be apart. And I know I don't have to do those things anymore because whatever happens now, we will do it together."
Lilith laughed softly, sighing contentedly as she lay closer to her husband and her daughter than she ever had, and praying silently that she never lost them again.
"Now," Athelstan said and stood up from the cot with Iðunn so he could lay her back in the crib. He tucked her in and kissed her forehead, laying back on the cot with Lilith and reaching for her so her body was pressed to his. "Tell me everything I missed. Tell me more of what Ragnar did with Jarl Borg, and tell me how Lagertha came back. Tell me about Bjorn and . . . Ivar? Aslaug was pregnant when I left. Is Ivar the child she had?"
Lilith grinned, wrapping her arms around him and kissing him gently as she whispered. "That could take us all night, husband," she informed him. "Are you sure that's what you want to do now? We still have a long journey ahead of us to return home."
He kissed her as well, holding her closer and wrapping her leg around him. "I want to know about our family. And I want to know you again. I'm sure we can find a way to do both, hmm?"
She laughed again and lifted her hands to his shoulders, rubbing his muscles and claiming the back of his neck before she spoke again. "Aslaug gave birth not long after you left with Ragnar," she began. "She named him Sigurd-Snake-in-the-Eye. When Ragnar came back, he was as eager to couple with Aslaug as you are now, and Ivar was born just before we came back here. He and Sigurd are both . . . unique, for two different reasons. The easiest way to explain is for you to see when we get back. And by all the gods, I hope you can talk some sense into Ragnar, because he won't listen to anyone else."
He sighed against her lips and lay his forehead over hers, coming inside her slowly this time and more deliberately than ever before.
Her words and stories faded for a little while, overpowered by her breathing and his breathing, and nothing else seemed to matter in those precious, intimate moments she had been craving since he'd left her.
When he finally covered them up with a fur and settled over the cot with her beside him, Lilith lifted her gaze to him, watching him fall asleep and knowing that no matter what happened the next morning or the next day that their lives would no longer be separated. God would never take them apart again, and neither would the old gods.
Athelstan woke up for the soundest sleep he'd had in a year, hearing a breeze whistle through heavy cloth, and for a spare second, he forgot where he was. Then he felt warmth next to him and opened his eyes to see the tent around him brightening up with morning light. His skin touched hers, and he looked to see Lilith asleep next to him, smiling and holding her closer to him. Relief flooded through his whole body as he realized it hadn't been a dream, and he was really here with her. She was next to him, and they were together again. Nothing else had ever felt so right in his life.
Before she stirred, a loud cry erupted from the crib by their makeshift bed, and he looked back to see little arms and feet struggling to free themselves from the blanket surrounding them.
"She's probably hungry," Lilith whispered sleepily, rubbing her face against the front of his shoulder. "Bring her here."
It took him half a minute more to blink away his own sleep, and he sat up slowly, finding his daughter as she kicked her feet and twisted around to get out of her blanket. He smiled when he saw her, still amazed that she was here with her mother and astonished that he hadn't anticipated this at all. She cried out again as he watched her, and he felt it all through his chest where his heart beat steadily.
"Are you going to get her, or is she going to have to wait for her breakfast?" Lilith teased, still a little asleep.
Athelstan reached into the crib, gently lifting Iðunn in his arms and then turning her so she could face Lilith as he lay back down under the furs covering them. His amazement only grew as he watched Lilith nurse their daughter with such ease, and he blushed as he watched them both, even if he wasn't sure why he did so. Their daughter was already six months old. Of course Lilith had been nursing her since she'd been born. Much like Aslaug, she had not allowed a nursemaid to do it.
"So," Lilith said after a minute, caressing their daughter's cheek, "are you ready to go out there where I'm sure everyone will want to tease you about making love to your wife?"
His blush deepened even as he scooted closer to her so their daughter's back was to his chest, and he wrapped his free arm around her back. "I have just gone a year without touching you and holding you, and they can tease me all they want. I have everything I want right here, and they cannot change that, no matter how hard they try."
Lilith 'hmm'd' like she usually did, lowering her gaze to their daughter, silent for another minute before she lifted her fingers to the front of his chest where his heart still beat steadily. "I think we will have to get you a pet when we return home," she suggested with a soft laugh which he returned. "And then you will not feel lonely when I have to sit with her. Edda could help as well. Like we talked about."
She looked at him, sighing when he did, still tracing a pattern over his heart that felt like a compass of some kind.
"Right now," he said and lifted his hand to hers, "I want to focus on you and our daughter. I have missed so much, and I have so much to learn now that we're together again. We may have taken our vows a year and a half ago, but we spent so much of that time apart. I want to be married to you a little longer before we talk about that. Please, Lili."
She leaned closer to kiss him, laying her forehead over his as she spoke. "I want that as well. I will always want that, Athelstan. But she has helped me since you were gone, the same as Gyda and Þórunn, and I grew accustomed to her presence. As long as she doesn't have to go back to the way things were before we were married. Hmm?"
He grinned and lifted his lips to her forehead. "Of course, my love," he whispered. "I would not want that either."
As soon as Iðunn finished her own breakfast, Athelstan decided to retrieve some food for Lilith and himself since very little food was left in their tent from the day before. That meant he had to get dressed, but Lilith had given his clothes to Ragnar to burn, so he had no clothes.
"Remember," she said and stood up to open a small chest beside their daughter's crib, "I told Ragnar I had brought you some of his old clothes for you to wear. Aslaug was in the process of making you new clothes, since the old ones were beginning to wear. These will do for now," she declared and lifted a bundle of folded clothes from the chest to give them to him.
He laughed as she handed them to him, recognizing the shirt as one that Ragnar had worn many years earlier and taking it all to get dressed quickly. "I don't know whether to be proud or disturbed that you raided your own father's clothes to bring these to me," he retorted, pulling on the pants and tying the strings as tight as he could while still having room around the waist. He laughed again, realizing how much bigger these were and hoping his new clothes were not so big. The shirt had recently been washed and enveloped him like he was wearing his robes again, two sizes too big.
Lilith waited until he was covered to present him with the belt, and she moved forward to put it on him as he still watched her. He figured he would never take his eyes from her ever again.
"You have lost weight," she noted, claiming his waist and frowning just a little.
He cradled her elbows in both his hands, waiting for her to look at him to speak. "And now I have you to keep me fed and happy," he assured her. "I've learned those two things generally go hand in hand." He lifted his lips to her forehead and then her temple. "I'll be right back. I promise."
She let go of him reluctantly, allowing him to leave the tent without too much of an argument.
Outside the tent, it was barely dawn, and there were already guards patrolling the barracks that faced the woods leading into the countryside. Athelstan inhaled as deeply as he ever had, still smelling the English world around him, but also the wood and steel of the camp, and knowing he would soon be home with Lilith and the rest of their family. Smoke hung in the air around the camp, along with mist from the pre-dawn hours, giving the world around him a mystery it hadn't a year earlier. He'd never fully re-assimilated, and now he knew why. He didn't belong to this place anymore.
The tent with the food was easy to find, as was Torstein who had apparently slept next to the roasting pit where chickens and pigs were still cooking. He laughed at his friend, opting not to wake him as he gathered a bowl of food and another pitcher of ale. He was about to leave when he heard his name from the other side of the tent.
"Just the man I have been waiting to talk to," Bjorn said as he carried his own cup and a curious grin on his face.
Athelstan laughed softly. "Well, we'll have plenty of time to talk on the way home," he countered.
"I know we will," Bjorn nodded. "But I have not seen you in years, and the first time I saw you was not how I imagined it would be. We have much to speak about now that you will be with us again. Now that you've reunited with your wife and daughter, who are my sister and my niece, I want us to be reunited as brothers, as family."
"I would like that," Athelstan said and bowed his head. "We've both missed so much, and I think we'll be making up for it a long time. Find me on the boat, and perhaps we'll go through how much of your English I need to help you remember."
Bjorn laughed and nodded again, stepping back to a stump next to the roasting pit and sitting down with a cup of ale in his hand.
Athelstan laughed then as well, turning to leave so he could return to Lilith and Iðunn.
When he stepped into the tent he'd shared with Lilith the night previous, he discovered her already dressed as she sat next to the table braiding her hair and pinning it up like it had been the night before. He smiled when he sat her, though he was curious as to why she would want her hair to be up the way it was, instead of down the way she liked.
She noticed his expression, almost able to read his mind as she spoke. "You would have been surprised how quickly it was expected of me to not only begin acting like a wife when you left, but also appearing as one as well," she explained. "Also, it makes taking care of our daughter easier since she cannot pull it out whenever she feels like it."
Athelstan sighed softly and sat in the chair beside her, setting the food and pitcher on the table . "Of course," he nodded. "Well, perhaps now that I will be there, you will be able wear your hair however you like. Regardless of whether you are a wife or not. I'm surprised because neither Lagertha nor Aslaug ever abided by that rule. I didn't realize the townspeople had become so traditional."
Lilith finished her hair and sat back in the chair, folding her arms over her lap. "Oh, they haven't. Well, only with me. As it turns out, even after I have been taken in by a Northman who became their Earl and lived among them for eight years and took part in their ceremonies and sacrifices, the fact that I married an Englishman somehow doesn't sit very well with them. The older ones especially."
Hearing her say this didn't make him any happier, even after having thought it the last several weeks and months. He and Lilith had always been outsiders to the townspeople who otherwise ignored them, and it had taken years before either of them had been accepted even a little by their closest friends at first. Now that he knew for certain that the people couldn't even fully accept Lilith while she was in their presence alone, Athelstan thought back to what Margaret had said to him before he'd left.
For several minutes, neither of them said anything. Lilith poured them both cups of ale, and they shared the food just like they had when she'd been little. Their daughter was apparently content in her crib, allowing her parents to have this quiet moment together before their world began to change again. Outside the tent, the world went on, and soon, they would have to rejoin it and return to their home.
The food was gone, and the ale was drunk before Athelstan reached for Lilith to hold her hands in his. "If I told you we didn't have to go back to Kattegat," he began, looking at her hands and then lifting his gaze to hers, "what would you say?"
The grin that had been present on her face fell just a little. "But it is our home," she argued, her brow furrowed.
"I know," he said, holding her hands tighter. "And nothing will ever change that. But we don't have to go back. If we don't want to."
The furrow deepened as she looked down at their hands. "If we did not return home," she said and looked at him again, "where would we go? Surely, you do not wish to remain here in Wessex."
Athelstan shook his head just once. "No, of course not. But does it really matter where we are, so long as we are together?"
Her smile returned, and she lifted both his hands to her lips. "No," she agreed. "It doesn't matter. And I suppose one day, we will go somewhere that is just ours and no one else's. But for now, we will return home, because I miss my brothers and my step-mother. And I'm sure when Ubbe and Hvitserk see you, they will not let you out of their sight for an entire week. Those boys love you nearly as much as I do, and it would be wrong to have them live in a world where they cannot be with you, and me."
Athelstan laughed when she did, having only thought of the boys when it was late at night and he was alone with his thoughts when it was safe. "Then it is settled," he said and leaned closer to kiss her. He lay his forehead against hers, remembering when he'd last seen Aslaug and the boys and finally able to look forward to seeing them. "We will return home. And to do that, we must face the mob outside. I hope they are as gentle with me as you have been."
To that, she smirked and bowed her head, allowing him to pull her to her feet so they could start collecting what they needed to leave.
After a year in Wessex and in England, Athelstan was finally returning home.
Though he'd been outside the tent only a short while before, when Athelstan stepped outside now, Lilith was by his side with their daughter in her arms, and more people had emerged from their own tents to eat and drink before they began packing up to leave. A few of them spotted him and nodded, at least acknowledging that he was with them and would be going back with them. That much was a relief. One or two unfamiliar faces stared back at him blankly, and others didn't know what to do with his presence as of yet. Then from the corner of his eye, he saw one of the faces he'd missed the last year coming toward him from the large tent where people were still waking up with their drinks and food.
"Good morning, Brother," Gyda gushed and took him in her arms like she had the night before, this time for a minute longer. "I trust you had a good night's sleep. With any hope, my sister did not keep you up too late."
Athelstan laughed softly against the side of her head. "I slept well," he assured her. "Better than I have in a long time. And whatever treatment Lilith deems worthy for me, I will accept without question. I have a lot of time to make up for."
She laughed then as well, leaning back to look at him and lifting her hands to his face. Her eyes took in every inch of his face, the same way Lilith's had the night before, and when her smile faded a little, he feared she was unhappy with him for a reason he didn't know. Then she spoke softly.
"You have lost weight," she observed, the same way Lilith had. "Surely, the Saxons fed you, Brother."
"Of course they did," he said and bowed his head. "But I was alone here for a long time before I had people to help me cope with it, and it wasn't the same as being with you and the boys. It wasn't the same as being home. Now I'm going home. So I'll do my best to get my strength back."
She wrapped her arms around him a second time, laying her head over his shoulder. "Of that I have no doubt," she said and squeezed him gently. Then she leaned back to look at him. "You should go see Father. He is choosing men to stay the winter so we can come back next summer. You can help him. I will help my sister."
Athelstan glanced at Lilith as she waited, seeing her smile and leaning in to kiss her and then pressing his lips to his daughter's forehead. They separated there a little more confidently than before, and he watched her and Gyda move off to where the other women were, grateful that they had not been surrounded by men on the journey over.
Across the camp, he heard Ragnar laughing and moved toward it without hesitation.
The sky had cleared up a little since the day before, with sunlight illuminating the tops of the tents and giving everyone ample light to see and drink with. Some of the men around Ragnar saw Athelstan approaching, rising from their stumps and leaving without a word. The hope he'd had that more people would be able to accept him now faded a little even as Ragnar turned to see him there and smiled slightly.
"Good morning, Athelstan," he said and turned back to the roasting pit. "I trust you had a restful sleep last night. With your wife."
Athelstan took a deep breath and moved to the stump adjacent to Ragnar's, finding an empty cup and pouring ale for himself. "Best night of sleep I've had in months," he exhaled and looked up at his father-in-law. "If not a year. And it was because I was with my wife that I had a good night's sleep. I'm sure you can concur, being married yourself."
Ragnar smirked over his cup. "If you say so," he said and laughed.
For a minute it was quiet, and Athelstan noticed that most of the men around him were already packing up to leave. A few were staying behind, making him wonder exactly how many weren't going back with them. Then he looked at Ragnar, speaking his thoughts out loud.
"Gyda mentioned you were choosing men to stay here for the winter," he began and looked around again. "But you did that last night while I was with Lili. So she must have a different reason for wanting me to come over here. Is there something else happening I should know about?"
Ragnar was quiet for half a minute, still drinking. He looked around the camp and turned so he was facing Athelstan. "King Horik," he began, "has expressed his dissatisfaction with leaving so many of his men behind in this country where he lost many of them the last time. And I have agreed to leave more of our men behind, in addition to the ones who left yesterday to join Princess Kwentrith's forces. And I hope it is the last time I have to accommodate him this way, especially if what we both believe is true. I wanted your opinion on something."
Athelstan looked around as well, noticing that for the moment they were alone. "What is that?" he asked.
"When we return to Kattegat, King Horik will send for his family, and when they arrive, I will be obligated to give them as much of our hospitality as possible. Normally, I would want my own family to do this with me, so we may host our allies as we always do. But I do not want my daughters or my sons anywhere near that man or his son. And I wanted to know what you think I should do, for I do not wish to appear ungrateful for King Horik's assistance in our new alliance."
The grin from before reappeared, and Athelstan knew exactly what to say to his friend. "Well, if you would prefer," he said and laughed softly when the thought formed in his mind, "Lili and I can take the boys to our house for a few nights while you deal with King Horik. At least until his family arrives. I know I've missed the boys, and from what Lili says, they've missed me. They'll probably love being away from the long house. And Gyda can come as well. It will be cramped, but if it keeps your children and mine safe, I think we can make do."
"Good," Ragnar agreed. Then he stood up with his cup in his hand. "Now come with me. We are going to my brother to see that he is well-looked after for our journey home."
Athelstan stood up to follow Ragnar, leaving behind his cup even if he knew he would find another on the boat home.
Ragnar led Athelstan to the largest enclosed tent, discovering Rollo there as Gyda and another woman tended to him. He looked about the same as he had the night before, but his bandages had been changed, and his leg had been set and wrapped tight enough to keep it immobile on the journey home. Rollo was awake when they stepped inside, and he looked at them as soon as they were close.
"Well, don't just stare at me," he tried to chuckle, coughing instead and then clenching his jaw.
Ragnar just stood there, but Athelstan sat on the stump next to the cot Rollo laid on, like he'd done the last time.
"You look terrible, Rollo," he commented and then laughed just once. "But I'm sure I looked much worse after what happened to me. It seems we finally have more than one thing in common."
Rollo smirked and grimaced, still clenching his jaws. "And what is the first thing, Priest?"
As if summoned, Lilith appeared at the entrance to the tent, carrying Iðunn in a linen sling close to her chest. She smiled when she saw Athelstan, stepping up beside him and kissing him before she turned her attention to Rollo.
"You look ready to go home," she said to him, and he smirked again. "I'm sure Siggy will want to look after you when we get there, but I don't think she'll mind me helping her. Or Gyda for that matter. We've been praying for you, Uncle. It seems our praying was not in vain."
This time, when he tried to laugh, he succeeded, taking the hand she offered and glancing at Athelstan before he nodded and agreed with her.
"Let's go home," he said and grinned.
When Lilith offered to go on the boat with Rollo, her uncle didn't deny her request, and Athelstan helped her get settled with their daughter before he got to work getting everything from their tent onto the boat with her. Gyda helped him take down the tent and pack the left over furniture, and while the main tent stayed up, only a few other smaller tents stood around it for the men and women who would be staying behind. They were almost finished when Lagertha caught up to Athelstan with her own belongings.
"I have missed you, Athelstan," she said as they walked to the boat with the last of everything they would take with them.
He laughed softly and bowed his head. "I've missed you, Lagertha. Lili and Gyda missed you even more than I did. I know they're glad to have you back in their lives. We have a lot of catching up to do."
She stopped him then, taking his arm gently and facing him with a decidedly apprehensive expression on her face. "We do," she agreed. Then she looked up at him. "And you and I have another thing we must discuss before we leave here. If you had been with Ragnar when we fought against Jarl Borg, then perhaps I would not feel so uncertain about this, but I admit that I was not expecting to find my daughter Lili married to you with a child on the way when we reunited. It made everything uncertain, and I did not know what to do. Now that you're coming back with us, which I always knew you would, you must know this."
The grip she had on his arm tightened as she went on until he had to lay his hand over hers and pull it away to take it in his. Her apprehensive expression morphed into an angry grimace, and he pulled her to one of the roasting pits that was still burning. He sat her down before sitting in front of her, keeping her hands in his as he spoke.
"Lagertha," he said, and she sighed loudly. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. I will not judge you. We've been through too much for that to be possible. Remember, I know you as well as I know Ragnar, even if we did spend so many years apart."
She clenched her teeth and looked around, ensuring they were relatively alone before she spoke. "After I left Kattegat with Bjorn, and after we had to take shelter with a family not far from town, I discovered that I was with child," she revealed, to which Athelstan sat up away from her even if he didn't release her hands. She clenched her teeth again and bowed her head. "I had a daughter just as Yol was beginning, and so I knew when I had come to be with child. I named her Beyla, and I treasured her as much as Gyda and Lili. I had been asking the gods to give me a son, but when they gave me a daughter, I was happier than I had ever been. And I have you to thank for that, Athelstan," she said and squeezed his hand in hers.
He could tell by her words and her posture and even the tone in her voice that she was telling the truth, and he was stunned.
But then he remembered his dreams and the small, dark-haired girl who had been there even if he hadn't been able to see her face. Somehow, the gods and God had wanted him to know of her existence, and now he knew it was true. But what did it mean? He was married to Lilith, and they had a daughter of their own to care for now. He would have to provide for this child he and Lagertha shared, wouldn't he? And he wanted to, but now it was so much more complicated.
Lagertha almost seemed able to read his mind, sitting a little closer to him and lowering her voice a little. "I do not expect you to do anything that would put our child above my granddaughter," she insisted. "I would never do that to you or to Lili. I know this is not something you were expecting. Nor was I expecting it, but I am grateful for it all the same. I know I will never have another child, but I do not need it. I have Bjorn, and I have my daughters, and that is all I ever wanted. And I want us to be friends like we were before."
Athelstan lifted his head, looking around and seeing that nearly everyone who was leaving was on the boats ready to go. He found Lilith as she sat on the boat with Gyda, and he saw Ragnar talking to Torstein. "What does Lili think?" he asked, watching her as she held their daughter in the sling against her chest.
Lagertha sighed again, still holding his hand. "She thinks we can all live together as a family," she said, but it didn't sound like she believed it. "But I know how complicated these things can be, especially because of my earldom in Hedeby. It is a good distance away from Kattegat, and I know it will not be easy."
He turned his gaze back to her, seeing the sadness in her eyes overpower everything else, and he eased closer to her, laying his hand over both of theirs. "Then if Lili believes it is possible, then we will do everything in our power to make it work. Because we are a family, Lagertha," he reminded her even as she began to shake her head. "We were a family long before you and I shared a child. Being a family doesn't always mean you share blood, though now it seems we have that as well. And I could not be happier that any child of mine would have you as a mother, because of how well Gyda turned out, though if we're being honest, I think Lili has already rubbed off on her a little too much."
Finally, a smile appeared on Lagertha's face, and Athelstan smiled with her, helping her to her feet and turning to the boat so they could walk together.
"And I have no doubt that our daughter is as brave and strong as her mother," he chuckled. "And I am now very much looking forward to meeting her. It appears my journey back will be filled with more conversations than I will know what to do with when we arrive. I just hope I can keep up."
She bowed her head then, almost blushing as they arrived at the boats and allowing him to help her over the ledge before they both moved to where Lilith and Gyda were sitting with Bjorn.
Athelstan took his place next to Lilith, allowing her to sit back against him with their daughter sleeping against her chest, and she kissed his cheek before laying her forehead against it. He held them both as close to him as he could, listening to the horns sound their departure and then feeling the lurch of the boat as they pushed off from the riverbank. Maybe he wasn't leaving the way he'd imagined a year earlier. Maybe he was leaving in a much better way that wouldn't have been possible before.
The sun continued to rise behind them, further illuminating the land they were departing and reflecting off the water. The familiar sound of men and women rowing and the lull of the sea kept Athelstan's attention from wavering, even as he looked around to see the rest of his family surrounding him. Ragnar sat close to Rollo, who had since fallen asleep from his ordeal. Torstein sat astern as he steered the boat, his eyes lifted to the sky as he watched the sails. Of course Lagertha sat with Gyda and Bjorn just a few spaces from him, and then there was Floki, but he wasn't on the boat with them.
Athelstan found him on the same boat with King Horik, and when they eyes met, there was something hiding in Floki's words and actions that was wrong. He didn't yet know what it was, and he was afraid to find out.
I have a plan for the last chapter, and I'm working through it so I get everything right. Since it's the last chapter, I also want to set up the next part, and if I post that, I want it to make sense.
Hopefully, I'll be able to post it within a week, but it might be two.
For now, I'll leave you, and until next time!