"People live their lives bound by what they accept as correct and true. That's how they define "reality". But what does it mean to be "correct" or "true"? Merely vague concepts... Their "reality" may all be a mirage. Can we consider them to simply be living in their own world, shaped by their beliefs?"
-Itachi Uchiha
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It was the night time, and Sarah laid in her bed while staring up at the ceiling, feeling contented for the first time in many months. She then looked towards Carina, who she was sharing the room with, sleeping soundly in the bed beside her.
I haven't felt like this since a very long time...even when I was with the CAT squad.
Ever since she learned about her partner's betrayal and unfortunate demise, She had been plagued by dreams about him. While not technically nightmares, the dream started off usually the same. It always began with her and Bryce enjoying a quiet meal together. Then the scene would change, shifting from date to something or somewhere entirely else altogether, the beach of Cabo, their favorite vacation spot, Bryce's body lying face down on the ground, his blood soaking into the granular soil...
Shaking her head with a sigh, Sarah cleared the disturbing images from her mind. She shouldn't be thinking about the man who betrayed her both personally and professionally. Why did she have to be emotionally fragile like this? With a sigh, Sarah sat up and grabbed a white t-shirt that was at the foot of her bed. Slipping it on, she got off the bed, grabbed her Smith and Wesson, and walked out of the room silently.
Walking downstairs, A light in the living room caught her attention as she saw a familiar figure heading towards the kitchen for a glass of water.
The Intersect host was sitting inside the dining area, wearing an odd pair of glasses and carrying a lot of books with him.
"Chuck? What are you doing up so late?" Sarah asked with a hint of concern and panic in her voice , " And when did you start wearing glasses?"
"Oh these?" Chuck took them off as if he was examining them, "They are only for the looks though. I can think more clearly while having them." He then laughed a little, " He he, this is proof that I have been a nerd for the longest time."
"Well, it's a very nice look for you." Sarah admitted with a smile of her own. The two of them remained silent for a moment, reminiscing the first time they met each other at the library.
"Do you mind giving me some company?" Chuck then asked, slipping the glasses back on.
"Uh sure."
Chuck walked rest of the way through the stairs before gesturing for Sarah to follow him. They then entered into a large reading room that had a large round table which was loaded with collections of widespread brain regions showing functional connectivity by statistical analysis of the fMRI BOLD signal, or other recording methods such as EEG, PET and MEG.
Chuck went past the table and approached a long sofa that was against the wall. Letting out a sigh, he then sat down in a manner that Sarah assumed meant he was exhausted. Turning his head towards her, he patted on the sofa cushion for her to sit with him. While he was initially expecting to maintain just a little distance with them, it was all for naught as the blonde shifted in an attempt to get more comfortable, a motion that left her hip in just the barest contact with his own.
There was a brief moment a silence.
"...To be honest with you, the only thing I get from studying these books and research journals is a peace of mind. " Chuck heaved a huge sigh with his eyes closed, placing the books he was carrying with him on his right.
That confused her for a moment, "What do you mean by that?"
"I can think of two ways to deal with the Intersect and honestly, I am not sure I am capable of pulling off either of them in foreseeable future." Chuck drew out a long, shuddering breath as he continued with his explanation. "If I were even half as good as ...the creator of the original Intersect, I could overwrite the whole thing by designing a simple suppression program of my own, but that's entirely beyond of my current capabilities right now. Other option would be to work with someone who is good at mapping the human brain's cognitive and spatial functions. Theoretically, that might allow me to start suppressing the Intersect little by little without causing any damage to my brain. But I have no freaking idea how long that process might take. And that's not even taking into account how much information I truly have inside my head." He then leaned back against the sofa with a sigh, "In short, the whole thing is FUBAR." He let out an inaudible groan.
"FUBAR?" Sarah tilted her head in confusion, "What's that?"
"Fuck up-Beyond-All-Recognition." He said. Sarah stared at him for a moment before she started laughing mysteriously. Chuck was a little surprised by this, but started laughing with her as well. It was a sweet moment for them as they continued to laugh at each other before stopping for a moment to catch their breath.
"Look Chuck, this might sound cheesy on my part but sometimes the only difference between stupidity and genius, is that genius acknowledge their own limits. " She suggested thoughtfully
"You are saying I shouldn't give up? With my research...I mean?" He asked hesitantly.
"I am just telling you to stop trying to do many things at once." Sarah replied, patting his shoulders with a friendly smile, "Even a tiger has to prowl before it gets what it wants."
Chuck looked thoughtful for a moment upon hearing that, then he spoke out of nowhere.
"You are lucky and you don't even know it, Sarah."
"Really? How so?" She eyed him with a hint of curiosity
With a soft tone, Chuck replied, "You know who you are. What's your purpose in life. I still haven't figured that out..yet. I look at you and I see...a woman so gorgeous and smart, those are basically true foundations of ideal beauty. No wonder you and Bryce ended up dating each other. Cause he was just like you in that regard, a man who knew about his purpose in life, unlike me."
Sarah smiled when she spoke up , but it had a bitter edge to it.
"Bryce was a charming and it was possibly longest relationship I ever had with a person, romantic or otherwise." she said disgustingly, like even the mention of his name was toxic for her mouth to say, "But deep down, I have always known, You were much better companion to me in a week than he was in the entirety of our relationship. It's just that sometimes loneliness is much bitter compared to the truth."
Chuck remained silent, watching her closely as an explanation slowly tumbled forth.
"That's why I love being around you. Here, I can just be real to myself. Here I can at least pretend that my work won't follow me wherever I go. It's not like I am not proud to be a field agent working for CIA. But, sometimes, the job itself feels like a chain around my neck. The world will never see the girl hiding behind these public personas we create and discard for the sake of accomplishing our missions. And after the mission ends, no one will ever get a chance to see her again… I don't want to disappear, Chuck. I just want the chance to live a life of my own."
She trailed off then, hugging herself as if to ward off an unseen chill. Eyes distant, full of a quiet sorrow.
For the first time, her mask slipped, and Chuck could see the bone-deep weariness that had set in.
Just how little had she slept?
How had they not noticed?
How had he not noticed?
Just that morning, he had expressed concern over never once seeing Sarah in her bed in the mornings, but when questioned she would only respond with a flippant "I just needed some fresh air."
True, Sarah was an early riser but there had to be limits.
"Sorry, I don't really understand the way you field agents live."
The blonde blinked in surprise as all of a sudden Chuck took her hand in both of his and placed it to his cheek. He then closed his eyes as if he was trying to savor the feeling of her soft hand touching his face.
Sarah let out a slight gasp. This wasn't something she would have ever expected from him. It was such a simple gesture, yet there was a sort of...intimacy to it.
It was a sign of trust.
"Agent Walker, the badass superspy from CIA might be really cool and all that, but I kinda want the reformed junior con woman I met back at Harvard to stick around." he said quietly and opened his eyes, "If anyone disagrees with me on that, I will just beat the crap out of them, no matter who they are."
Just like the night Chuck risked his life to save her, Sarah felt her feelings for the Intersect host deepened by his simple yet touching words. For all her issues she was actually a very innocent and romantic girl at heart. She had always wanted to find someone with a strong loving heart who cared for those around without a second thought. Though her rational mind had come to accept it was impossible, in her heart she was still someone who believed.
She felt completely hopeless and vulnerable , yet oddly enough she also felt safer than she had since she was a little girl travelling with her father.
Is this how...it's supposed to feel?
She understood. May be because she had been alone for so long she was able to recognize it easily without any of the confusion others experienced.
I must lie often and my days are filled with death and violence. Still, he is the most dangerous person someone like me could ever meet in their entire life.
However she wasn't the one to let go of her doubts that easily.
"Chuck, I can't let anyone know anything real about me. No matter who they are." She replied weakly, Did he understand how much power he had over her right now? Could he hear her heart pounding in her chest?
It took a few seconds of silence for him to realize that Sarah never stopped looking at him. Her eyes full of longing of sorts. Her bangs fell about her face, making her look both remorseful and seductive at the same time.
Feeling hot and bothered inside for reasons he couldn't quite explain to himself , Chuck swallowed a lump inside his throat and pulled back his hand, much towards her disappointment.
Thankfully, he wasn't quite done yet.
"I trust you. So I will believe in your lies as well. When I am with you, I want us to be happy regardless of any persona you are using right now. If it's going to hurt in the end anyway. I would rather enjoy myself a lot now and get hurt a lot later. I mean, that why you asked to be put on this assignment ...isn't it? Not every woman has the courage to put up with a schmuck like me." He joked a little towards the end, averting his gaze away from hers.
Slowly, he turned his head back to up find her holding both of her hands over her reddened cheeks, radiant blue eyes staring in wide-eyed fascination at nothing in particular.
"... Did... did I say something wrong?"
"N-no! It's nothing!" Sarah flushed and looked away embarrassingly.
He'd really tried his best to pacify her doubts here, but why was she still uncomfortable around him?
Damn! These clandestine types are really hard to make sense of sometimes.
"Thank you, Chuck."
He blinked several times as she gently cupped his chin with her hand, moving his head, bringing his gaze up to her face before wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her lips against his. The kiss was quick and didn't involve either of their tongues but the small happy smile her features when she pulled back sent a warm feeling through Chuck's stomach.
"We will get through this, together, I promise." She said after slightly pulling away from his face, her hand resting on his cheek, " I am always here if you need to talk about something...anything really." She bore her eyes into his and Chuck felt himself being surrounded by warmth.
He gently rubbed his nose against hers, "I know we will." He whispered before kissing her once again, but this time with a bit more passion. Sarah let out a small moan of surprise before gripping his shirt, tugging him closer, deepening the kiss , invading his mouth with her tongue. Her right hand left the back of his neck to join the other one, which had already begun undoing the buttons of his shirt.
"Sarah..." He mumbled against her lips, but dived back in immediately afterwards upon seeing her eyes flutter in his direction.
He felt her hands sneak under his undershirt after the task of unbuttoning was finished. However, the pleasant sensation he felt had the effect of bringing him back to reality. "Sarah." Chuck said a bit more forcefully this time, pulling away and stopping her hand with his.
Sarah's eyes quickly flew up to his face. He lifted a hand to softly stroke her cheek, "Not tonight. We have a briefing tomorrow and I bet Major Buzzkill will flip his lid if I fell asleep in the middle of that."
A blush crept up her cheeks as she groaned against his chest. Her hands came out from under his shirt to lay around his waist. Bringing him closer so that she could bury her head in the crook of his neck. She was very calm and silent and he almost thought she had fallen asleep.
That was until she shyly broke the silence, "Chuck?"
"Hmm..."
"You told me about your family meetings every last Friday of the month, right?"
Sarah felt his whole body tense up at the mention. His hand which had been stroking her hair almost going still. She paused for a moment to gather her courage to continue.
"Yeah?" Chuck replied hesitantly.
She then separated from their embrace, while holding onto his hands, her eyes met his as she took a long breath. "I thought...that...may be...you...would like me to ...accompany you next time." Her voice came out weaker than she originally intended.
Chuck gaped at her with wide eyes, "Are you sure about that?" He finally asked.
She let out a small giggle, "Of course, you dummy, otherwise I wouldn't ask."
He didn't reply right away, too many things going on inside his brain at the same time. Chuck didn't think it was possible for his own heart burst and constrict at the same time. The thing was that, he really wanted to introduce Sarah to Ellie and Devon, but deep down, he was afraid if that might make things worse for them in the long run, especially when Sarah was anything but normal. He also didn't want to continue deceiving his sister about everything that had been going on with his life. His secrets had already became a little too big for him to carry right now, he didn't want add his new sassy spy girlfriend on the top of that.
"Umm...Don't you think it's too soon? Besides we are not exactly...a normal couple enjoying a domestic life together. The powers that be sent you , me and Casey here because we have a job to do." Chuck knew he sounded like a jerk but all he wanted to do was to buy some more time to brace himself for the tsunami called Eleanor Faye Bartowski.
"Oh." Sarah said, clearly disappointed. Chuck's reply certainly brought her back to reality from her previous euphoric state, She was a spy. A rather...special sort of spy...with a specific skillset. Chuck was possibly aware of that fact and much more, thanks to the supercomputer stuck inside his head. Perhaps, even though he was willing to place his faith in her, he drew a line in the sand when it came to his family. "Of course you are right. It's just ...I have never felt comfortable like this anyone before. You are right though it's unreasonable." She sighed dejectedly.
However before she could start untangling herself from their embrace, he leaned down a bit and lightly kissed her head, then placed his forehead on hers, gazing affectionately into her eyes.
"I never said I wouldn't want you to go with me. But it's been barely a week since we got acquainted with each other. And my sister tend be a little bit overbearing when it comes the women involved with my life, that's all."
She glanced at him , almost sighing in relief upon seeing how sincere he was, "Alright, that's fine. I agree we should wait a little. But you don't hate the idea, right?"
"I think visiting Burbank with you would be fun."
"Really?" She asked anxiously.
"Yup" He nodded with an awkward smile.
Guess I had to face the music sooner or later.
"Now go back to bed, Mister Carmichael. I don't want you to be all cranky in the morning unless it's because of little ol' me." Letting out a playful chuckle, Sarah messed up his hair even more with a flick of her hand , swiftly kissed him once again, before running out through the door.
She is something else. Sarah walker was completely different from every other girl he possibly ran into throughout his adult life. She was smart, sweet, funny and compassionate. But at the same time he felt that there was a mischievous spark to her- a childish side of sorts- that she was repressing most of the time, trying to hide behind her responsibilities as a spy . And he couldn't help the bubbly feeling in his stomach every time he managed to have a peek at that side of her.
So maybe I am not that great when it comes compartmentalizing my emotions. Or maybe he didn't want to truly excel at that aspect of being an undercover federal agent. But if he was being honest with himself, he didn't regret about that failing of his arduous training in the slightest. He yawned. He would have a lot of time to contemplate about whether that was amazing or downright terrifying for him later on. Now he had to rest.
He quickly grabbed his laptop and was soon out of the door, too.
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Morgan always used to tell him that there were many ways of predicting your fate. Like you can easily tell what kind of day it's going to be if you look carefully at all the available signs. For instance one of the famous methods of divination his bearded friend delved into was referred as Tasseography. Which involved paying close attention to how the tea leaves behave while you are steeping the tea in your mug. Devon had a thing about how many times a person sneezed in a day, with the positive thought that maybe it's meant to bring you good fortune sometime , of course unless you are coming down with something . Then you might need to consult a doctor.
When Casey offered him to stay inside his guest unit, which contained a single room with fully fledged kitchen and a master bathroom, including an old battered kettle the previous occupant of that place might have left behind. Though Chuck had no idea whether Casey was being courteous or he just wanted to be left alone in general. But from what he knew about the NSA dude so far, it was most likely due to latter than former. Chuck was still grateful about his hospitality though. After coming back from his nocturnal visit to Sarah last night , he tried making himself a nice cup of Darjeeling tea to ease his mind into falling asleep, almost splattering himself with the piping hot liquid while he poured out the warm water into his mug. As the color of water started showing the reddish brown color of orange pekoe after a couple of minutes, he watched as some of the tea leaves began floating to the surface, especially one particular straw like piece which swirled gently in the thermal undercurrent at the bottom of his cup. The piece of tea leaf hopped up and down for two times before sinking to the bottom of his mug.
Chuck didn't know what to make of that. Was that premonition of sorts about the bumpy ride ahead of him?
Eh, never mind. I shouldn't tempt the fates anyways. They seem to have a lot against me.
Next morning, even before the briefing began Chuck could see dark clouds gathering on both Sarah and Casey's heads but they tried their best to keep a tight lid on their emotions and not get affected by Carina's sudden appearance, however Carina being Carina, that seemed easier said than done.
General Beckman and Director Graham did appear to be less then pleased with his actions during the Ciudad mission but Kernan got them to back off by pointing out how they should at least appreciate the fact that despite facing being up against such dangerous individual, he still managed to keep his wits about himself and defend himself to a certain extent. Though Chuck had no idea what else these two were expecting him to do, roll over and play dead?
"We picked up two new leads from your last assignment." General Beckman simply stated, "One Allen Waterman , suspected of insider trading and having offshore accounts in Caymans. And Peyman Alahi...who has been in touch with Ciudad since quite some time."
"Does he ring a bell, Mister Bartowski?" Graham asked as the man's photo appeared on the screen. It took him awhile but he felt several things appearing in front of his mind's eye. Mainly pertaining to vivid images of a diamond, retrieved stashes something very much illegal being smuggled and the dossier local authorities had on Alahi.
"A diamond called Nadan-I-noor, worth an estimated $26 million . Alahi acquired it some time ago, and he is probably looking into ways to offload it and cash in. Ciudad was supposed to meet up with him last night, for a detailed investment proposition of sorts. But I guess we got to her before their meeting could take place." Chuck summarized, trying his best to make sense of the limited amount of information accessible to him right now.
"True, he is the financial backer for various Afghan opium cartels and many more. And, Drug Enforcement Agency has been after him for a while." Beckman explained as a matter of fact, "We don't know what Alahi and his friends are planning on doing with that diamond but it can't be good. That's why you must steal the diamond before he moves the stone or figures out about Ciudad's arrest."
"Um, Admiral..." Sarah asked hopefully, Kernan appeared to most reasonable out of all her superiors so he might understand where she was coming from, "Carina is a tremendous field agent for sure but she likes to stir things up and act as she pleases. We can't trust her with this mission. Chuck is way too valuable."
Kernan sighed and pinched his temples, "I am well aware of Agent Miller's widespread reputation of recklessness and insubordination. But DEA is the lead in this assignment and Administrator Valdez is putting her neck out for her. Rest assured, if she screws this up, she will be chained to a desk for the rest of her career. I will personally make sure of it. "
Obviously, he didn't seem too pleased about this arrangement either but there wasn't much he could do in his situation.
Sarah wondered if there was something she could have done differently or if she should have objected to him being sent on field mission like this. She knew that Chuck was able to handle himself, but felt bad about him having to go on such dangerous missions with her and Casey . She still blamed herself for the last time he was attacked by Ciudad and her goons , but knew that nothing could have been done about that. However, with this mission, everything seemed all good now, the possibility of him getting into trouble of any sorts during this mission was next to none.
Of course as long as her meddlesome friend suddenly decided to flip the script entirely, just like that unfortunate mission in Pakistan.
He will be safer this time. I will make sure of it.
"Just like her best agent, she can't take no for an answer either." Graham shared a sympathetic glance with his NGA counterpart/ old friend. While he hadn't been present during the heated debate which might have taken place between both equally stubborn agency heads with strong personalities , he could surely get the gist of it.
Boy, he'd have loved to be a fly on their meeting place and see them rip each other new ones.
"The diamond is kept in Alahi's Delaware compound. We need Mister Bartowski to figure out the alarm system protecting the diamond, using his technical and functional expertise alongside the Intersect, Agents will set up the grab following day according to his analysis of the situation." Beckman's eyes narrowed down dangerously as she turned her focus towards Casey. "However, You and Agent Walker must return the stone to us and under no circumstance is Miller to be trusted with it. Am I clear?" She concluded with a hint of steel in her voice , leaving little to no room for anyone to protest with her directive.
"Perfectly, Ma'am!"
And just like that, they ended the connection.
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