35.

Nightmares

Shizuru woke with a start, "NATSUKI!"

Natsuki came running into the room, "Shizuru, are you alright?"

Shizuru was breathing heavily, sighing, "I…had a bad dream."

"Want to talk about it?" Natsuki asked, "Because it's happening a lot, lately."

"I was…I was a pirate queen. And you were a girl I kidnapped from a ship. And I did...I did such horrible things to you. Murdered your fiance. Branded you with a hot iron. T—touched you inappropriately to force you to tell me your name…And despite it all, you tried to get me to show my good side. And then another pirate, who I believe was your first love, showed up to take you away from me…That's when I woke up."

Natsuki smiled gently, sitting beside Shizuru, stroking her hair with one hand and holding her tightly with another, "It was just a dream, Shizuru. There was a lot of talk about the Festival the other night, and you've taken over the duties of your parents' company, and the stress manifested with your guilt about what happened that night you saved me from Nao and the weight of your new duties. That's all."

Shizuru looked violently ill, "Except…Natsuki…when I was being cruel to you in the dream…*I* liked it. Not the dream me. ME."

"Yeah," Natsuki leaned over and kissed her, "And now you look like you're going to throw up. I get it, Shizuru. I do. You're worried about the dark part of you. But you, awake, here, now, you're not happy about it. You're not that person, Shizuru. Don't read too much into a dream."

"I was, though," Shizuru exhaled shakily, "District One…"

Natsuki nodded, "Shizuru, we've hashed out what happened between us. I know, for example, that you didn't do anything half as bad as what you though that night. And I know you hated yourself for so long.

"But you never talk about District One. And that was my fault in so many ways. You took up my vengeance on my behalf. You dirtied your hands so I wouldn't have to. And I can never, never repay you for that. And if I could shoulder all that guilt for you, I would, because it should have been mine."

Shizuru shook her head, "No, Natsuki. I wouldn't wish this on you. But it has been so many years. Why? Why now, does it come to haunt me?"

Natsuki held her, "My guess? We're in your parents' house, in what was once their room. In a house where that cruel old woman used to berate you. It brought back old memories, and then our talk about the Festival the other day…"

Shizuru smiled sadly, "I…was brought back from the depths of madness by you, you know."

Natsuki looked Shizuru in the eyes, smiling, "I know."

"Not the edge of madness, Natsuki. You plunged into the ocean of my insanity, and brought me back to the shores."

"There you go! There's where you pirate dreams are coming from!" Natsuki grinned at her, "Using that metaphor for that time made the other a perfect scenario for a dream all about it."

"Ara, so it would seem. But what of Natsuki's first love coming to take her from me?"

"And in the dream, who was my first love?"

"A girl you lived with in your home village, strange but beautiful, who was thought lost at sea."

"Sounds like my first love is your better qualities," Natsuki smiled reassuringly, then she sighed, "Listen, Shizuru, I know that this is something you might not want to discuss, but…I had nightmares for awhile, too. After the Festival. Before the Festival. My mother's "death". Fighting Orphans. Dying. The thought of you betraying me. I spoke to a therapist, and I think she could help you, too.

"For your own peace of mind, I think you should talk to her. But the choice has to be yours, okay."

Natsuki pulled out her wallet, and produced a card, which she set on the nightstand.

"You don't even have to tell me, if you don't want to."

Natsuki kissed her again, then left the room.

Shizuru picked up the card, "Dr. Atsuko Chiba?"

"I've got to borrow the car, today," Natsuki called, "Don't forget, Midori is joining us for a week. I've got to go pick her up at the airport."

"And I have made sure that this mansion is dry for the duration," Shizuru smirked.

A/N: Sorry I didn't get to Midori yet, but I'd just binged ShayP's Siren of the Sea, and thought it would be nice to give it a bit of a shout out. Atsuko Chiba is the main character of the Satoshi Kon film Paprika, btw.