The last chapter centred on Helion and Lucasta (and Eris and Lucien). Next chapter will go back to the main storyline! :D
Thank you to all who favorited and followed!
sreeshalini: I hope you'll like this chapter! :D
FANFICTION
A COURT OF NIGHTMARES AND LIGHT
PART III – THE BLOOD MOON
CHAPTER XXXV : A Mother's Sacrifice
The terror coursed through Lucasta's veins, the screams and the blood surrounded her. Then everything ceased, wiped away by a powerful wave of light, as bright and as hot as the sun itself.
She felt sweaty in the suddenly humid cave, hidden by the flowing waterfall, turned pink from the blood mixing with the water.
A dark silhouette appeared and trespassed through the water, sizzling against his hot skin. Mist filled the cave and Lucasta's heart missed a beat as she witnessed her saviour.
"Helion," she breathed.
He stared at her, she stared back. For a moment that could have lasted a few seconds, or centuries, they just stared in disbelief. Then relief, anger, sadness, guilt and remorse filled their hearts.
"Are you all right? Did they hurt you?" Helion asked, finally breaking the silence as he knelt down next to her.
She startled and, instinctively, inched away from him, from that male touch. He froze and swallowed hard, but remained where he was.
"I'm fine," she let out in a raspy voice, her thoughts turning to her sisters, "Oriana and… and Säde…"
"I'm sorry, I was too late," he answered, lowering his head.
His long, dark hair fell over his face and Lucasta let out a heavy breath. Tears stung her eyes, but she had no time to mourn her dear sisters, not now, not yet.
"What are you doing here?" she asked in a soft voice.
He raised his head, surprised by her question.
"I came for you. The war is raging on the Western borders, and spies were informed that Hybern had located you and your family's hidden place. Beron…"
Helion tightened his fists, then continued through gritted teeth, his voice nearly a snarl:
"Beron ensured your sons were safe, but he said he didn't have enough fairies to spare to send to help you."
Bitterness filled Lucasta's mouth. Her mother and her sisters had died because of Beron's inaction.
"As long as Eris and Altan are safe and sound…" she murmured in a low voice to herself, her heart breaking a bit to know that, after everything, her husband didn't care in the slightest about her.
She shouldn't have been surprised, but it hurt anyway.
Helion sensed her disappointment and pain. He approached his hand to her bare shoulder, caressing lightly with the back of his fingers. She felt a warm, tingling sensation as his magic healed her bruises and scratches from her running in the forest. Then he raised his fingers to her cheekbone, taking away all traces of blood and injury. His thumb went over her cheek, wiping away the tears and slowly, he cupped her face.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you," he whispered, his golden eyes diving into her russet ones.
"You came to help me, it's more than anyone else did," she answered.
"…I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, that night," he corrected, shame filling his gaze.
Lucasta didn't know what to say. She had thought that her broken heart had mended long ago, that she had forgotten her feelings for Helion, but having him right next to her now… her feelings had never been stronger.
"I… I wanted to find you."
"Why didn't you, then?" she asked, the slightest hiss in her voice.
"My father sent me a message. Some Hybern emissaries had behaved strangely and he was worried for my safety. I wasn't made aware of the situation until I reached the border and then, I was taken to Day before I could get you. I never intended to leave you behind, I never intended to… to leave you into the hands of this monster!"
"If you've known for years that Hybern was dangerous, why didn't you say anything earlier?!" she screeched, "They've been here for years, decades now! And look what's going on! A war between Prythian and Hybern, a war that killed my mother and my sisters! It took my sons away from me!"
"We had no proof! We limited the exchanges with Hybern but they were too cunning. The other courts, all of Prythian, was already too dependant on their resources…" he explained with furrowed brows, "None of the other High Lords listened to our warnings, even as strange events and tensions became more and more obvious."
Lucasta thought back on that time she had found an Hybern emissary, handing a too-red apple to Eris. They were cunning, they had made their ways slowly, carefully, until they were too important for the High Lords to be dismissed.
"I never wanted to leave you, Lucasta."
The sound of her name falling off his lips sent a wave of warmth in her body. She turned her attention to him, her eyes filling with tears. And she fell into his arms. Helion immediately embraced her, holding her tight, holding her close, hidden in the waterfall cave.
"Does anyone know you're here?" she asked, her voice smothered by his muscular chest.
"No one. I'm not needed at the moment. I wanted to take you to safety. You're my priority, the only one who matters."
She tightened her grip on his warm metallic armour. She realised that Helion was trembling as he held her close, as if frightened she would be taken away again, by Beron or Hybern or another monster.
"Hybern's soldiers–"
"I've killed them all, but it's only a question of time before they come back. I need to take you somewhere safe until the end of the war." Helion said, finally moving.
He stood up and handed out his hand. Lucasta barely hesitated before taking it and following him outside the cave. She saw the massacre outside but Helion quickly gathered her in his arms to spare her the visions. She closed her eyes against his chest, and they winnowed away a few times.
When Helion relaxed, Lucasta looked around. They weren't in Autumn anymore, it was–
"It's the Day Court, this territory belongs to me."
Hills of green grass and flowers expanded beyond her gaze, the sun shone brightly, and a fresh breeze shook her hair. Just in front of them was a cave entrance, which seemed to go underground.
"Most of my soldiers are on the frontline. This cave leads to an underground residence that I rarely go to, but there are many powerful spells protecting it. No one will know you're there."
"Beron… what will he think?"
"All he knows is that a small group of Meallan's soldiers went to help you and your family. They will find your… family's bodies, but not you. You're intelligent, powerful and resourceful. They'll know you're safe. As soon as I can go back to the frontline, I'll… I'll warn Beron of your location."
The regret and anger lacing his words were enough to make Lucasta look up at his handsome face. She had only ever seen Helion in the Autumn Court, and he had been magnificent, but in the Day Court, his homeland, he was vibrant with life and splendour.
"He doesn't need to know yet, he doesn't care."
Helion nodded, his golden eyes roaming over her face. He guided her into the underground cave and Lucasta felt her skin buzzing many times, each time she walked through a spell or barrier. She had no doubt that, had it been any other soul but the two of them, they would be destroyed by the power surrounding them.
"I know nothing of the situation outside. What's going on? W-who is winning?" Lucasta asked after she had bathed and changed into comfortable clothes.
Helion had laid down food, though rationed, so she could eat and rest. She couldn't deny the hunger rumbling in her stomach, even if she felt guilty for eating, for being alive, when her sisters had died for her.
"The first three months were the hardest, but the tide is turning in our favour," he answered carefully, gaze far away, "My father was badly injured a few days ago, and my brother is leading our troops."
"Shouldn't you be with them?" she asked hesitantly.
"They don't need me yet. We are planning a surprise attack in three days from now. We are gathering forces until then. All High Lords and their sons have been asked to rest so we can use our powers against the invaders."
And yet, Beron hadn't bothered coming to her rescue.
"Why… did you come to help me?" Lucasta asked, looking away from Helion's intense gaze.
Helion focused his eyes on her. His fist tightened on the table and his whole body tensed, as if he was fighting against his most primal urges to defend and protect her.
"I spent the last few years fighting against myself to not go in the Autumn Court. If I were to see you again, I would have lost my mind and stolen you away from this monster. When I heard everything he does to you… I should have come, I should have gone and helped you."
"I am his wife, it would have meant war…" she breathed in sad understanding.
He knew it, and it was the very reason why he hadn't done as his heart had begged.
"The last few months, knowing that you were hidden somewhere, but never knowing if you were truly safe… I was going mad. But when I heard of your location… I left my right-hand in charge of the battalions to find you. I had to, I can't explain why I knew you would be in danger, but… but I…"
He raised his gaze, softened by love and fear, and dived into her fiery russet eyes.
"Lucasta, I couldn't leave you. Not again, never again…" he promised, holding out his hand hesitantly.
Lucasta hesitated, but right now, the war, Beron, none of it mattered. She took Helion's hand and leaned into his warm body. He held her close for a moment.
"I have always prided myself in not having any regret in any of my actions or choices, but one regret will haunt me for the rest of my days, and it will be to not have been there for you that night and take you with me." He whispered against her skin.
His lips brushed the skin of her neck, awakening sensations she had thought forgotten and forbidden. Her hands tightened on his shoulders.
"I wish you had been there, Helion, with all my heart…"
He froze against her body. She moved away and cupped his cheeks to look into his eyes.
"I wish I had had a life with you, I still do… perhaps… in another lifetime, we could… but I can't ignore my sons, their lives and existences are everything to me."
All her heart and soul were poured into these words and understanding shone in Helion's eyes. He brushed her hair behind her ears and tightened his lips, nodding gently.
"I know, I understand… I was too late, and you have a family to protect now. Your life… your life belongs with him…"
"No."
He looked up, stunned.
"My sons are everything and I will do everything in my power to keep them safe and sound. But my life is my own, I do not belong to Beron. I am not a propriety he can claim, I am my own person, I am his wife and the mother of his children, as abhorrent as the thought of being bound to him is… I can't go back in time, and neither can you… but I regret nothing."
Her fiery gaze, the russet eyes that gave fire to his veins, dived into his golden eyes. Determination, love and passion shone so strongly that Helion's heart burst to life. Holding her face in his hands like a holy treasure, he pulled her down to his lips. Their kiss erupted in ardent fire and within seconds they couldn't breathe. They kissed and licked and bit, desperate to express their passion and their love. Lucasta's hands went from his shoulders down to the sides of his armour, pulling hardly on the straps holding it there. Her fire licked her fingers, burning away what she couldn't detach. Helion grabbed her thighs and lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist as his armour clattered on the floor. He took her to the one, huge bed of the small hidden residence and laid her down gently. She ripped off his clothes as his hands wandered against her legs, lifting the dress and pulling it off her body. Helion kissed her neck, her breasts, her tummy, her flower. Her fingers tangled into his black hair, pulling, desperate for relief, for him.
"Helion…" she whispered, her moan echoing against the cave walls.
He growled and rose, finding her lips again. She rubbed against him, the need for friction, for more of these sensations he had awakened in her, to come forth. Not once in her decade of marriage with Beron she had enjoyed any moment they had shared in bed. Her own touch hadn't been enough, she felt too self-piteous and too angry to enjoy any touch, even hers. But Helion? Helion… Helion was everything. His touch, his kisses, his caresses, his gaze, it was desire and love pulsing through her veins and for the first time in forever she felt alive and loved.
One movement of his hips filled her completely and she arched against him, a breathless gasp escaping her lips. Helion's mouth covered hers as he started moving. Her hands caressed his hot skin, his muscles, and for every move of his body, she answered with hers.
Their eyes never left one another, they never stopped touching, kissing or caressing. Nothing they had ever experienced before could compare, nothing ever will. They had loved each other long before it was forbidden, and now they forbid their hearts to stop beating for each other.
Helion wasn't needed on the frontline for the next three days. They spent the next three days and the next three nights expressing their love, their guilt, their fears. They didn't think for a moment of the future, of the consequences of their actions. They couldn't care.
And so they loved, and loved, and loved, as if it was their last day on Earth.
And as Lucasta helped Helion get dressed with his complicated armour, she tried to banish the thought from her mind… that it really might be the last day on Earth, for the better half of her soul.
Helion cupped her cheek, sensing her chagrin.
"I will come back to you, I promise," he said in a tender voice that she had only dreamt of, "I will always come back to you, my love."
She kissed him one last time, and he left the cave.
She sat down, her hands moving nervously. There were books to distract her, but she couldn't focus. All she could think of was that the war would come to an end today, for the better or the worse of Prythian's future, she couldn't tell. But her heart was entirely turned to Helion.
Be safe. Please, be safe. Be safe, be safe, be safe, be safe, be safe…
The victory parade left Lucasta a little dizzy. A few days ago, Prythian's High Lords had been victorious against Hybern. In the weeks to come, the division between humans and High Fae would happen with a gigantic, invisible wall separating their territories. Every court, every High Lord, was praised. Only the new High Lord of the Day Court, Helion's brother, was grim, as he had become High Lord after his father's death.
Beron paraded as if he had single-handedly won the war, he barely spared her a glance after her return.
Somehow, Helion had revealed that, while patrolling, he had found her, alone and injured, and had hidden her just before the finale battle. Everyone believed him, no one suspected that she had been far from alone or injured during the three days when she went missing.
Now that they were back in public, he kept his distance, and both Lucasta and Helion avoided glancing at each other, no matter how much it burnt them to do so.
Now that the threat of war was gone, all Lucasta could wish for was for her children to be returned. She had tempested Beron with such requests and he had sent this morning for some of his trusted advisors to go get Eris and Altan back.
Being reunited with her babies, so grown since she had last seen them, holding Altan for the first time since his birth, was beyond happiness for Lucasta who held them close to her, and lulled them to sleep herself, for months afterwards.
It didn't take long for Beron to request her to join his bed again, to pleasure him, and now that she had tasted lovemaking's joys, she felt even more repulsed by his touch and his manners. But she wouldn't object, in fear of retaliation. The war had proven one thing to Beron: he needed more heirs. Two weren't enough, he needed more, for safety, to ensure the continuity of his blood and lineage.
Most High Lords, their families, and their advisors, spent weeks together, Under the Mountain, to discuss the division of the territories between humans and High Fae. Lucasta was only there as an honoured member of the High Lord's family, his Lady, and the female supposed to warm his bed. She watched over the meetings, avoiding Helion's gaze, knowing that if she made the mistake of looking his way… her yearning and desire would be evident for all to sense.
She was dreading the moment they would all return to their respective courts, as she wouldn't see Helion again.
But one day, as she was walking alone through the labyrinth, he grabbed her hand and dragged her into a dark hall. They had barely whispered each other's names that they were kissing, panting, and grabbing each other's clothes.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I shouldn't– I can't stay away from you–" he murmured in-between kisses.
Lucasta watched him, his golden eyes gleaming like suns in the mid-darkness.
"It's dangerous, if he catches us…"
"I'll kill him," he hissed.
Lucasta cupped his cheek.
"Just a few more weeks, before we get separated again…" she murmured.
"Just a few more weeks…" he breathed, putting a cloaking spell over them.
And for the few weeks that followed, whenever they could catch a moment together, hidden in an alcove, a dark alley, in a chamber when they were lucky, they would love, and love, and love, more desperate each day for more time and more love making.
Once they all returned to their respective courts, Lucasta discreetly grieved Helion. He wasn't dead but being unable to see him again was as heart-breaking.
But she had underestimated the strength of his love for her, and hers for him, because a few weeks later, she was taking a walk in her private gardens, gathering flowers and away from any prying eyes, when she found a message. It was a rolled paper, put under a stone in a corner she always walked by. Discreet enough that no one would see it, but obvious enough for her who knew this garden like the back of her hand.
Glancing over her shoulders, she looked around and, once certain she was safe and sound, she bent down to retrieve it.
Let's meet there again.
She burnt the message into ashes that were carried away by the wind. Her heart beat faster, as if alive for the first time in weeks, knowing who had left this message. That light lingering smell of orange.
That night, she waited until most of the household's servants and guards were asleep or distracted to slip out of her room and into the garden. She went through the labyrinth, her steps instinctive, heart guiding her in the darkness.
A smile lit up her face when she saw Helion standing there. He grinned back at here and they embraced, holding each other tightly.
"It's dangerous for you to be here! Are you mad?!" she exclaimed once she pulled away.
"Mad for you, yes," he said without hesitation, "I was careful, and I've used spells far too intricate for any guard or even Beron to notice me."
Lucasta shook her head, but then she grabbed his face and forced him down for a passionate, breathless kiss. For every breath she lost kissing him, he gave it back with another lips-searing kiss.
And so, their affair truly began. It wasn't a temporary moment of absence anymore, not a desperate attempt for time together like Under the Mountain. It was a soul-binding love, desperate, foolish and hopeless. She was the wife of a High Lord, and he was only the son of one. Helion was as good as a nobody compared to Beron and he would never be anywhere near the Day Court's throne.
The months turned into years, which turned into decades, and centuries.
Lucasta gave birth to two more sons to Beron, she lost three daughters deemed undesirable by their own father. After that, her body felt the consequences of all those operations to ensure male heirs. A twisted relief took place, even if Beron still expected her to give him more sons. But he grew bored of her and he took the matter of raising his four sons into his own hands. He considered them too soft, too much like their mother, and even though Lucasta had worked so hard to protect Eris, Altan, Baak and Eyal from Beron's influence. Even as grown men, strong and intelligent each and every one of them, she witnessed, helplessly, their innocence broken, their kindness destroyed, their souls torn apart and forged anew.
Many times she stood up to Beron, receiving the hits and flames he had reserved for their sons. But she was also aware that her good boys loved her enough to try to protect her in return. Beron's cruelty knew no bound and he had no mercy, not for his wife, not for his sons.
Her only solace was when she would find time with Helion, far away from the court, usually when Beron himself was travelling. Their affair went on and on, the frustration and bitterness of the early days turning into yearning and sadness for all the time they wasted apart from each other.
When she was with child again, unexpectedly, another surprise awaited her condition: she was expecting twins, and twin boys. Nothing could charm Beron more, though he had long ceased to be sweet and tender to her when she was with child. But the weakness she endured during that time was like nothing she had ever lived before and her Helion was far away and beyond reach. She could barely move out of bed, and her four sons took turns watching over her and their baby brothers.
Phonoi and Makhai's birth was surprisingly easy compared to her pregnancy. But she was left so exhausted that even Beron stopped expecting anything from her. Every once in a while, she would execute her duty as wife, but he didn't care anymore, with six big and powerful sons. When she started travelling for three days, he didn't object, having his own affairs. When she went away for a week, he shrugged it off. When he was going on several weeks-long hunts, no one dared tell their High Lord that the Lady of the Autumn Court was leaving for just as long, for an unknown destination.
"When will he return?" Helion asked, caressing tenderly Lucasta's hair as she laid pressed against his side.
"…Tomorrow. I must leave tonight to winnow all the way back to the estate." She answered in a sad voice.
Helion looked down at her, unable to even force a smile, knowing their time was almost gone.
She moved against him to sit on top of him, his body answered immediately to hers. A smile tugged on her lips at that familiar sensation.
"Don't think about it, just think of us, in the present. It's all that matters." Lucasta whispered, sliding down his length.
His hands grabbed her thighs, helping her move up and down in the rhythm they loved the most, slow and steady, but intense. Amber eyes dived into russet ones. His hold tightened on her waist and he turned around, getting on top. Their movements became faster, more frantic, more desperate. Lucasta's hands caressed his body, his muscles, his face, pushing away his hair tenderly and kissing his temple and his strong nose.
She would never get tired of this, the way his body felt, the way his soul fulfilled hers. There was a warmth and a peace between them that she only experienced with him. She had known it for a long, long, long time, and still–
"I love you–"
Helion froze above her, eyes widening. Lucasta opened and closed her lips, immediately regretting the words that had rolled off her lips. The words, the feelings, she had kept close to her heart for centuries.
"I- I… I'm sor–"
"I love you too. Oh, Lucasta, my light, my darling, I love you too, I love you, I love you, I love you. Lucasta, I love you with every piece of my soul…" Helion interrupted, breathlessly.
Her eyes teared up and she held him close, their hearts beating wildly, to the same melody.
She had known it for a long, long, long time, and still–
Still, she couldn't find the words to express her joy, or the gesture to express her love.
And so they kissed, and they loved, more frantically, desperately, tenderly than before. A new strength had washed over them, as if nothing existed outside the two of them, in this cottage lost in the autumn woods.
As if a bond between their souls had come alive and was burning with ardent desire.
Her heart still warm from Helion's touch, her body still craving more of him, in a way she had never experienced before, Lucasta returned to the estate. Discreetly, just as she had left, knowing that Eris, who had remained behind to rule over the estate in Beron's absence, had handled her days of departure without any trouble.
She had taken a bath to, despite her will, wash away Helion's scent from her body. She had cried in the bath until the water had gone cold, but eventually, she had no more excuses, and she was shaking, from exhaustion and emotions. Once dressed, she returned to the common room in the High Lord's family apartments and found Eris there, reading some reports.
"Mother," he greeted with a smile, standing up.
"I've missed you, my darling," she said.
She surrounded him in her arms and kissed his cheek, but he went completely still. Surprised by his unusual reaction, Lucasta pulled away, blinking at him. He was sniffing the air, then he paled.
"Mother…" he whispered.
And his gaze fell to her belly.
Understanding washed over Lucasta and she staggered away. Eris immediately tried to help her stand, or sit, or whatever she would need but she didn't even realise he was here. She wavered, and thought of Helion.
That last "I love you" he had whispered against her lips as they departed.
Without knowing it, it had been their last moment together, their last words, because the moment Beron would find out the truth… she would be dead. Herself, and the baby she was carrying, Helion's child. The one child conceived out of love, she had dreamt about so many centuries ago.
She fell on her knees, a despairing cry escaping her. Eris startled and was immediately at his mother's side, but she wailed and sobbed for minutes that were painfully slow for her oldest son.
Eventually, she calmed down, exhausted, and numb, rocked by a panicked Eris who had no idea what to do to comfort his mother, even when she had done the same to him so many times before.
Lucasta finally sobbed and sniffed and grabbed her son's arms, looking into his face, seeing so much of herself in him that it would make Beron pale in anger.
"He can't know, he can't know! If he knows you know, he'll hurt you, he'll kill you! I won't be able to protect you, I- I…!"
"Mother, calm down! I… we'll find a solution… there must be… there must be a solution." Eris decided, swallowing hard.
"Beron comes back tomorrow morning, I'll never have time to find the doctor and… and…"
He paled even more, if it were possible. Then, he glanced around warily. They were still alone, far away from guards and servants. Then he turned a determined gaze to his mother:
"Do you… do you still share his bed?"
She would have flushed, if she hadn't been so confused.
"I… yes."
"When was the last time you were together?" Eris asked, brows furrowed.
"The night before he left."
He stood up, pacing back and forth, his mouth mumbling incoherent words. Then, he stopped and faced his mother.
"You were gone for only two weeks and most of your servants were away. The few who stayed and know your… absence are loyal to you. They will tell any story you ask them to tell."
"What do you mean, Eris?" she asked, still too drunk on grief to think clearly.
"Make Beron believe this child is his. It's the only way to protect you, and…"
He nodded towards her belly, and her hand went there. She was still flat and wouldn't show for months. She wouldn't know the gender for three months. She had made sure since she had lost her first baby girl to never get attached to any child until she was certain it would be a male. And yet… and yet, the love she felt for this small, barely conceived baby, was already as strong as her love for her other sons.
Slowly, Lucasta stood up. She sniffed, dried her tears and even though her eyes were still red and her hair a mess, she smiled brightly.
"Our High Lord will have a wonderful gift, on his return from his long hunt," she said in her Lady of the Autumn Court's voice.
Eris' dark golden eyes trembled like flames, his fear replaced by admiration.
"Our High Lord will have a splendid gift, indeed," he replied with a nod.
The following morning, Lucasta was absent from the celebrations for the return of Beron and his courtiers. She knew it would anger him beyond reason, but she trusted Eris to temper him long enough to inform him that she was waiting for him in their private chambers.
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?! WHY DID YOU STAY HERE WHEN I EXPECTED YOU TO BE MY LAWFUL WIFE?!" Beron shouted, just as he slammed open the door.
Used by years and years of such treatment, Lucasta didn't tremble when she turned away to welcome him with the brightest smile.
Beron immediately froze, sniffing the air, and finding his wife's scent changed.
"I thought you would want me to remain hidden and safe until we announced the wonderful news to the court," she said with a soft voice, putting a hand on her belly.
Beron was, for once, taken aback. He blinked, seemed to recount the last time he had seen her, the last scent he had had of her, and a quick calculation convinced him that Lucasta was with child again. He grinned, that wicked grin, and approached Lucasta, grabbing her sides and watching the flat stomach as if he could already see his grown male heir.
"My son," he whispered, claiming him already.
Lucasta's smile disappeared, a searing rage lit in her eyes. But Beron never noticed a thing.
Three months later, the gender was confirmed to be a male, and Lucasta's relief to keep this child battled with her fear of what would happen when he would be born… and the truth would come out.
Like for the twins, her pregnancy was long and exhausting. Eris discreetly shared with her a secret plan to save both her and the baby, if at his birth he obviously wasn't Beron's son. She had almost revealed to Eris, whom she trusted more than anyone, who the real father was but Eris had interrupted her before she could say a thing.
"Don't tell me. I will take the secret of this child's origin to my tomb. But don't give me the father's name or… or I can't promise I will be able to keep it from his knowledge."
What torture, what horrors, her sweet Eris would have to go through if Beron were to know of her affair, if he knew Eris' involvement… She didn't dare think of it.
When the contractions started, Lucasta was already crying long before the now familiar pain kicked in. It was too soon. Two months too early. Her baby… her beautiful and warm baby, her little sun, the little drop of sunlight that Helion had left her, his last gift… He would not make it if he were born so early.
That labour was the longest, most painful, most dreadful, she ever endured. She was certain that she would die with her son, if not from weakness, then from heartbreak. Eris never left her side, ignoring Beron and his brothers every time they sneered their disgust at the birth process. But Eris stayed and held her hand, offering the comfort the baby's father couldn't.
Her baby's cries erupted in the room, full of life and vibrant with health. An ecstatic laugh escaped her, her sight blurry from tears and blood loss.
"Your seventh son, My Lady," the midwife said, handing her the small bundle of wriggling happiness to her.
Lucasta held the baby against her heart and he immediately calmed down, even if he didn't stop his crying. She sobbed and cried more, seeing all the beauty in the world in that little wrinkled face.
Eris leaned over warily, sniffing slightly to make sure the father's identity wouldn't become obvious. Once relieved, he observed his half-brother. He frowned at the baby, more out of curiosity than disdain.
Lucasta's heart skipped a beat as she watched her baby boy.
His skin was reddish, but about the same skintone as hers.
Her heart skipped a beat.
His hair was a fiery red, like hers.
Her heart skipped a beat.
He babbled and blinked open his eyes, looking up to see her, his first vision, the one of his mother who had already done so much, sacrificed so much, and would do so much more in the future, to keep him safe and sound. A gargling sound escaped him and his minuscule fingers grabbed hers.
More tears rolled down her cheeks as her smile widened until it hurt her cheeks.
He had her russet eyes.
"My little light, my Lucien," she whispered, caressing his cheek tenderly.
"Is that his name? Lucien?" Eris asked, tilting his head on a side.
Dizziness took over Lucasta. She couldn't see her little Lucien any more. She became so weak, so suddenly, that she fell over and it was only Eris' dexterity that saved Lucien from being crushed. He called out for help, but the words made no sense to Lucasta who was passing away.
"Keep him safe… keep him safe…" she breathed, eyes fluttering close.
Eris' ears trembled as he heard her words, and the alarm of final moments that rang with them. He turned around, opening his lips to scream, but no sound could escape him. Lucien, in his arms, cried his lungs out for the both of them.
Lucasta thought she had died. She should have died. But every time she saw the Mother's burning light, a smaller light, a little sun, cried her back to life.
And so, she came back, for all her sons, but for Lucien most of all. The precious bundle of joy, the last gift from her love. The child she had always dreamt of since she had been a youngling reading stories of true love and charming princes.
She hadn't opened her eyes yet that she smiled, recognizing that crying voice. She turned around her bed, weak and dizzy, but Eris approached her, holding Lucien in his arms. Her vision cleared and she gasped, sitting up suddenly.
It wasn't Eris holding Lucien, but Beron.
He wasn't smiling proudly like he had for all six sons before. He was frowning as he held the crying baby, determined to get away from this male who wasn't his father.
"He looks like you. More than any other. He looks like you." Beron said, his eyes never leaving the baby's face.
Lucasta's heart missed a beat. Did he know? Did he understand?
Then, quietly, Beron handed her Lucien, and left the room. Astounded, but glad that Beron didn't seem to suspect a thing, she comforted Lucien, even when the maids came in, even when her dizziness threatened to have her slipping into unconsciousness again. She wouldn't dare sleep, in fear that some sort of retaliation would befall her baby.
Only the deepest exhaustion would force her to rest, so it took her much longer to restore her strength. And all her days were spent watching over Lucien and ensuring his safety. She had always been protective of her children, but because of his true origins, a deep fear constantly haunted her every moment.
Every night, she dreamt that Helion was the male holding her baby, and not Beron. It was her only moment of peace, thinking of her lover, of her feelings for him, and his for her. Of the time they had spent together… and perhaps… perhaps in the future… When Beron's shadow will lessen… perhaps…
And one day, her dream became reality.
She entered the nursery and was surprised to hear Lucien's gurgling laugh. She froze when she saw a figure standing over the cradle. He was dressed in the clothes of Prythian rather than his usual Day Court's attires. His long, black hair, fell over his shoulders. He was looking down at Lucien, curiously, tenderly. Little animals, foxes, lions, and deer made of pure sunlight were running around above Lucien's head. He was trying to catch them, and giggled every time he touched one and the illusion would turn into sparkling light.
"He looks like you." Helion said quietly, without turning around to see her, still mesmerized by Lucien.
Lucasta felt a bitter taste in her mouth to know that both males had said the same thing, but pride filled her heart that her youngest son would look that much like her.
"He should pass as Beron's son without any trouble… Or is he…"
The crack in Helion's voice broke Lucasta's heart, that he would doubt it, doubt her, doubt Lucien.
"He's yours," she answered, her first words since seeing her beloved.
She walked to his side, watching Lucien watching that tall stranger with the fun light magic.
Helion's shoulders fell in light relief, before a sad frown darkened his beautiful features. He looked up, his amber eyes meeting Lucasta's russet ones. Silence fell over them, but they didn't need any word to understand each other. They never had, but now, more than ever, they knew.
"He can never know, or the baby and you will both suffer the consequences." Helion said, glancing down at the baby boy who was now distracted by his favourite plush toy.
"The older he'll get, the more obvious his parentage will become," she let out, joining her trembling hands together, "No matter how much he resembles me, his magic…"
"I can…"
Helion closed his eyes and a terrible sigh escaped him. He looked back at Lucasta.
"I could contain it, his magic, but… the spell would be effective for every bit of magic he's got, not just from my bloodline, but also yours. It would make him weaker, more vulnerable. We both know that the Autumn Court doesn't allow weakness."
Lucasta walked next to Lucien, his attention immediately drawn to her. She caressed his cheek and he babbled happily, as if he knew that he was surrounded by his loving parents for the first time.
"Did you know… that he was born too soon? Two months early." She started, noticing from the corner of her eye Helion's stiffness at that knowledge, "He survived. He's strong. Stronger than you, or any of us, can even comprehend."
Her voice was as settled as if the words had been written in stone.
"Put the spell on him, it'll protect him, for a while, and if it can save him from Beron's wrath and allow him to live longer, then so be it." She decided, even though her heart broke a little.
Her magic, her fire, were part of her. Just like the Day Court's spells were part of Helion. Containing a High Fae's magic and power was like cutting away a bit of their soul. But what mattered at the moment was Lucien's safety. Someday, she'll tell him everything and hopefully… hopefully, he'll understand… Hopefully, he'll forgive her.
"Once the spell is put into place, I won't be able to take it away. Only he will be able to do so, do you understand?" Helion continued in a careful voice.
Lucien looked up at the two of them, on each side of the cradle. He was holding Lucasta's little finger like he usually did. And he grabbed Helion's. The latter startled and almost moved away but stopped, in fear of hurting the baby. The little sun babbled and giggled, and the slightest glow emanated from Lucien's skin. Just like Helion did every time pure joy filled his veins, just like he did now.
"Do it," Lucasta decided, a silent tear rolling down her cheek.
He met her eyes, then nodded. Helion pulled away, slowly, reluctantly, from Lucien's hold, then put his hand over the baby's face. Lucien moved around, uncomfortable, and scared. Light filled the cradle, Lucien started crying out. Lucasta's heart broke. Then the light was gone, as easily as a candle snuffed out.
She held Lucien against her heart to comfort him. He was warm and his movements were slower than before, but she tried to convince herself it was for his own safety.
"I don't have much time left, Lucasta," Helion said, approaching her, "I…"
She wanted to ask him when she would see him again, the same question that was burning his lips. He caressed her cheek and tears filled his eyes.
Their affair had come to an end. They had always known that they had loved each other on borrowed time.
She had known it for a long, long, long time, and still–
Still, she couldn't find the strength to endure the years to come without her light, her sun, her Helion.
"We can never see each other again, you can never see him. Or he'll know…" she said, voice breaking like glass.
Helion's hold on her cheek became tighter, but no less tender. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against hers. Lucien battled, held too tightly between their two bodies.
"I must go soon…" he whispered, eyes closed as he took in their scents, Lucasta's, and Lucien's, to hold in his heart for as long as it would beat.
Don't leave us.
She nodded, tears burning and falling on top of Lucien's red hair.
"I love you, always and forever," she said, opening her eyes and gazing into his one last time.
Helion fought against his tears but the sadness was too strong, and they spilled over, rolling down his statue-like traits.
"And I love you, always and forever," he answered, pressing a warm kiss against her forehead.
His fingers brushed Lucien's head. Lucasta blinked and he was gone.
Her sobs were only comforted by Lucien's disturbed cries. Her only comfort was in comforting him. And even when her grief overpowered her, even when she had to fight to find the strength to smile to Beron and the court, her little sunshine, her Lucien, would illuminate her life.
She could almost go back to her past-self. Almost. And she wanted to believe that lie, for as long as people would believe it. Beron believed it, or so she convinced herself.
Until one dreadful night, not long after Lucien's fifth birthday.
He had invited her for dinner, just the two of them, in the dining room, with all her favourite dishes laid out. Candles and chandeliers gave a warm glow to the entire room. They were both in beautiful attires as he had made his advances pretty clear.
"I wanted to thank you, Lucasta, for all the sons you have given me. They are a blessing, are they not?" Beron asked, eating eagerly the meat he had hunted himself.
"They are, the lights and joys of my life, my Lord," she answered politely at the other side of the table, about a dozen meters away from him.
Appetite was always difficult around Beron, but tonight, more than ever, she felt sick to be in his presence.
"Eris. Altan. Baak. Eyal. Phonoi and Makhai."
A long pause. Lucasta looked up and met his dangerous gaze.
"Lucien. A weak little thing that one. Unlike all my other sons."
Lucasta almost shivered but controlled her body with the centuries of practice she had accumulated sharing Beron's life.
"I must admit that, since his birth, I have doubted his… parentage. It hurt me to doubt you, but he is so weak. But he's been developing his magic, his power, and I was shocked to see that he had inherited my fire, after all."
My fire, she wanted to correct but she kept her tongue wisely tied.
"So I must apologise for doubting you, my dear," Beron continued absentmindedly, grabbing his glass of wine and watching it roll around, "I have kept you from my bed for a long time now, in the hope that I would have the proof of your affairs. But, evidently, whatever suspicion I might have… it's only that. Suspicion, doubt."
"I have never been but faithful to you, my lord," she answered with a charming smile.
The lie came out so easily she almost laughed at the way he tightened his lips, incapable of figuring it out if she told the truth or not.
"I don't want to doubt my sons' origins, not anymore. And with seven sons, I have more than enough legacy. So I took precautions, for the future."
Lucasta lost her composure. The slightest trembling of her hand had her fork tap against the ceramic plate. The sound resonated in the vast, empty room.
"What… precautions, my lord?" she asked, her heart beating faster – he could hear it, he could smell her fear, and that made him smirk.
He raised his glass, in the mockery of a toast.
"To our future together, my dear, with no more suspicion to darken our thoughts."
And he turned the glass upside down. All his untouched wine slammed on the table, spreading like blood.
Lucasta paled and her eyes fell on her glass, almost empty by now. She looked back at Beron, disbelief and horror on her face.
Her stomach tightened and she stood up suddenly. Her hand came to her tummy as a sudden pain hit her.
"What have you done?!" she hissed.
"Making sure that there will be no more bastards in my court," he replied, leaning forward with a furious sneer on his face.
"There is no bastard! Lucien is your son!" she cried out, tears burning her eyes.
"I have no proof, and killing him openly will make me a cuckhold, but I'll never consider him my true son, if only for that weakness of his! The one he shares with his mother!"
The flashing pain had her falling over on the table. The delicate glass broke as the food fell down on the floor. Cutlery clicked around and a pained scream escaped her. She raised her burning, rageful gaze to Beron. He almost startled to see such wrath on her face, the fury she had been burying for centuries now. She grabbed her knife and winnowed on the side of the table. Her hand was already going down but Beron stopped her with one hand, snarling at her. He grabbed her forearm hard enough that she let go of the knife.
"I hate you! I HATE YOU! I'll kill you for this! I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIS!" she shouted, scratching and hitting him to get away.
His grip tightened and she heard her bone snap. She fell down with another scream. Searing pain burnt through her tummy, her arm. Her gaze was blurry when Beron stood up, looking down at her from all his height, all his rage, as his eyes and his fists lit up with a fire hot enough that it will leave scars even on her skin.
"Oh no, Lucasta, I will make you pay for this," he breathed.
Centuries later, in the Autumn Court…
Lucasta watched the river as the sun set over Prythian. The water was glistening like jewels, reflecting the beautiful colours of the Autumn forest.
She had never smiled to anyone but her sons after that night, after she had lost all possible hope of having another child, a daughter. Beron's cruelty had known no limit. She could do nothing but receive his unrelenting anger over the centuries, he always excused it in the name of his pride and honour of having been betrayed even if he never found any clue, she had ever been unfaithful to him. She always endured each and every hit thinking of her children.
Even when they became crueller and crueller with the years, even when Beron twisted them more and more, driving them to the same anger as he felt. They were lost and confused, and she had been unable to protect their innocence or their kindness. Except for Lucien. Her little sunlight had remained away from Beron, the latter had shown no interest in him, and eventually… even though Lucasta's heart had broken when Lucien lost his lover, Jesminda, so many years ago, she was glad to see him leave the Autumn Court. Glad to set him free, but broken-hearted to see him go. Even if it had meant mourning two sons.
Her heart held no such feeling as she had watched Beron's corpse burn into flames and fall into ashes that travelled down the river. He could poison the fishes for all she cared now. Her poison was gone from her life and yet, the relief had not had time to kick in. It would take far more time to realise that she could move without fear, that she was free of his rule.
Soft footsteps behind her had her turn around but the scent that was carried by the wind reassured her.
"Eris," she said, turning around completely.
Her oldest son, so strong, so brave, the new High Lord of the Autumn Court.
She had never been prouder, and her smile was one of the rare true smiles she only gave her children.
Eris watched her, warily, exhausted after he had come back from the Day Court, overpowered, and confused by the sudden, unexpected, and tragic death of Beron. He looked her up and down, at the black mantel she had been wearing ever since her husband's death. Despite his hopes that Beron's disappearance would bring his dear mother back to life… she still seemed frozen in time, lost in continual mourning for her lover, her sons, her life.
He swallowed hard, then took a deep breath.
"We just received a message from the Day Court."
Lucasta's heart missed a beat.
"Lucien?" she whispered, leaning forward worriedly.
"His mate, Elain, has been taken away by the Sorcerer. They are calling for a gathering of all High Lords." Eris announced gravely.
Wind stirred his mother's dark veil and under it, he believed he saw more grieving tears.
I hope you liked those few chapters.
NEXT CHAPTER : Cursed
Yours Truly,
May