Reckless Surrender :: Chapter Thirty Six

Hope let her fingers gently caress the cool metal of the Glock 22. It was loaded. It stared back at her ominously. She picked up the gun with respect. It felt familiar and foreign at the same time as she held it in her hand. She swallowed once as memories from the shootout in the motel room flooded her mind. This gun wasn't hers, but one just like it had saved her life.

She gripped the handle and raised the gun. She stared down the barrel at her paper target with years of practiced ease. She felt powerful. Professional. She'd been waiting for this moment. She pulled the trigger without hesitation. After the first shot, she couldn't stop.

She fired round after round. The loud noise that accompanied each shot silenced the noise in her head. The jerk from the gun after each bullet reminded her how much power she held in her hands. Target after target reminded her how good she was with the gun she held in her hands.

She exhaled slowly and gently placed the gun on the table in front of her. The anger she'd been harboring was laid out in the shooting range in front of her.

"Hey,"

Hope jumped at the sudden threat of someone behind her, and instinctively reached for the gun. Her heart almost stopped when she realized Bo's voice was the one that called to her. Her hands shook when she stared at him with his hands up in surrender on the other side of her gun. She dropped the weapon as if it had burnt her hand.

"Whoa, take it easy FancyFace," Bo replied, "Everything okay?"

"Bo, you scared the crap out of me," Hope could barely breathe. Not because he scared her, but because she was so quick to pull a gun on him. She could have killed him. Her heart raced. Guilt flooded her.

"I'm sorry," Bo replied. He let his hands fall and he approached her slowly, "I didn't mean to. I should have been more careful."

Hope couldn't stop the hot tears that came on so suddenly she couldn't process them, "Bo, I could have shot you."

"Hey, hey," Bo shook his head, "It's okay. It's fine."

Hope stared at him in disbelief, "It is NOT okay. It's NOT fine!"

"Come here," Bo soothed. He reached for her fisted hands and pulled her to his chest, "You didn't pull the trigger. You didn't shoot me."

Hope cried into his chest, horrified at her actions, "I could have killed you."

"FancyFace," Bo tried again and offered her a smile reassurance, "Come on…"

"This isn't funny," Hope stared at him, tears still freely falling down her face, "This is why Marlena can't clear me."

Bo couldn't disagree with her on that. He wiped gently at her tears with the pads of his thumbs.

"I'm a hazard to the force. If I pull a gun on you, I could pull one on anyone," Hope sighed. She was scared of herself, "Bo, I'm so sorry."

Bo tilted her chin up to look into her eyes, "I trust you. You wouldn't have pulled the trigger."

Hope felt a new round of tears threaten her, "You don't know that."

"I do know that," Bo replied seriously, "You always assess your target before you fire. You always have. You always will."

Hope stared at him helplessly, "I would never forgive myself if I shot you."

"You didn't Hope," Bo replied adamantly, "You wouldn't."

Hope pulled away from him. She ran her hands through her hair, "I hate myself. I can't believe I just did that. What have I done?"

Bo inhaled slowly as he watched her pace. She was talking more to herself than to him. He searched for the right words and patience, "Hope, you can't do this. Don't go there."

"This is serious Brady," Hope almost screamed, "This proves that everyone has been right all along. I'm not in control. I can't carry a gun."

"So what?" Bo shrugged and then yelled, "You don't need the gun Hope!"

She stared at him. Her eyes were still hot with tears. He looked angry at her.

"You could do just as much damage to me with your fists as you could with that gun," Bo argued, "Quit trying to hide behind it. The woman I know is strong. She's confident."

Hope rolled her eyes, "You're wrong."

"I might be wrong about a lot of things, but I'm not wrong about that." Bo replied forcefully.

Her heart clenched when he walked away. For the first time since they'd gotten back together, he left her alone and upset. He slammed the door behind him. She flinched. She wiped hastily at her trail of tears. Several moments of torturous silence haunted her.

"You okay?" Roman called from the cracked door, "I just saw Bo storm out of the station."

Hope wiped at her cheeks again, "Uh yeah… I'm fine."

"Can I do anything to help?" Roman asked gently.

Hope looked everywhere but at him, squirming under his gaze. She felt embarrassed and distraught. Her eyes found the gun and it stared mockingly back at her.

"Hope?" Roman called to her. He stepped inside of the room.

"Actually," Hope sighed and managed to make eye contact with him, "Can you take the gun please?"

"Are you finished?" Roman asked confused, "Abe said you could practice for a couple of hours."

Hope nodded, "I think I've practiced enough for one day."

"Ok, as long as you're sure," Roman shrugged, "I know how hard it's been for you not to be cleared."

Hope bit her lip, "Well, I just pulled that gun on your brother, so I don't think it's going to happen anytime soon."

Roman stared at her, unsure of what to say, "Oh…"

Hope nodded, "Yeah. So, I'm not really comfortable touching it. If you could take it back to Abe, that would be helpful. If he asks you why, you don't have to lie for me. If he wants my badge, he can have it."

Roman stuttered as she started to walk away, "Hope, come on. Wait. Hope!"

Hope ignored him. She was so shaken by her actions, she wasn't sure she wanted to be a cop anymore. She had to find Bo. She had to pick up Ciara from school. She had places to be. She didn't care where she went, she just needed to run away from the gun and the P.D.