Is A Brand New World
Part 1
A week has gone ever since Crim and Chris recovered the magical quill. It had been an uneventful week, that is until one day Crim woke up in his bed.
Crim:…. (Huh?)
Dim lights pierced trough the curtains, it would seem to be an early and cloudy day, his favorite, but more so was the delightful act to which he was waking up this morning. Something or someone was eating up his morning wood. His uneventful, to already restful sleep and now this pleasant awakening, how could he complain about life these days? He opened his eyes slowly and looked over the bedsheets, someone was rustling under them by his hip.
Crim: (Busy at work and this early morning like she should be. She really has come a long way since the day we met.)
Proud of his useful goddess training and serviceable attitude, Crim petted the useless goddess sleeping peacefully by his side on the bed, as he also felt the caress on his meat stick by the goddess mouth, coming from under the sheets…... Crim began to sweat a little. His eyes blinked slowly and looked once again at Aqua, sleeping by his side, then turned to the bulge in the sheets by his hips, then back to Aqua again who began talking in her sleep.
Aqua: Zzzz thiz time we'll zzzzzz…. Thiz time we'll pazz thoze puppiez zzzz, Leech….
It would seem she was on her way to a nightmare, so Crim ignored her, taking back his preoccupied glance to the bed sheets. He wanted to pretend it was all a dream and just go back to sleep pleasantly as the intruder continues to suck on his cock, but he knew far too well when one such dreams was afoot, and so he gathered his patience and pulled up the bedsheets revealing… Red eyes.
Yunyun: Tehe.
Crim immediately put down the sheets and closed his eyes, it had been really peaceful lately so he was starting to think the worst had passed, but here she was, a problem, the problem, and problems might come sucking your dick if you ignore them long enough, but they sure don't like going anywhere. Crim removed the bed sheets completely to reveal a black haired teen of busty proportions in nothing but a pink shirt she had wore completely open. And a golden bracelet by her wrist. In whispers, Crim said.
Crim: What are you doing?
This prompted the girl to let go of Crim's tip, burying the teeth as she's pulled away mischievously. In a dangerous smirk and bright red eyes she said in whisper.
Yunyun: I told you, you hadn't seen the last of me.
She crawled forward and mounted him, giving complete exposure to her body under the lights of the curtains, she adjusted herself over Crim dick and began to push it inside her naughty piece.
Yunyun: Ah!
A mixture of moan and gasp escaped her, as she slowly shook her hips sideways to the descent, till it was all the way in… Barely.
Crim: (She took it slow and prepared herself accordingly before diving in this time. And she must've been sucking on my dick to heath herself up and moisten her pussy for the action…. Maybe I underestimate her, she's learning.)
The inconspicuous man laying back on the bed thought with admiration under the watch of those piercing red eyes, Yunyun grinned defiantly to the contempt she was seeing.
Yunyun: Still thinking of me like a child, will you? I told you, you belong to me now.
She lay her palms on Crim's abdomen and began to rise, then descend. Another low moan escaped her, fighting to keep herself from losing. Crim had been on the receiving end of her tongue for a while now, and had started the battle on half his HP, he was beginning to lose the round. Besides them somebody else said.
Aqua: Zzzz Leech, zzz you gonna let that puppy zzzz, own you like that'z?
Yes, was he gonna let that puppy own him like that'z? Crim outstretched his hands and cupped at the pair of breasts coming out the pink pajama shirt. His fingers buried on the skin with firm precision and sent Yunyun a ripe of sensation that tingled all the way below, then her grinding stopped, she felt her muscles hardening in an attempt to fight for supremacy, resisting the ecstacy, she was so deep in and so close to victory, but he had so many more ways to work her up. Crim smiled victoriously as he fondled Yunyun breast, below he felt her ass had sat back on his thighs, once again his meat sunk to the deepest end, it was just a matter of time before the dripping began coming out of her. But the trembling in defiance Yunyun said.
Yunyun: I'll take that as a yes.
Crim felt a hint of confusion to the confident girl twitching at the hips before him, then he saw her looking to his left, where a sleeping goddess laid.
Aqua: Zz zzz why didn't we prepare for thiszzzz!? Azzzz my azzzz, it'z chewed, azzzz!
It would seem the nightmare was progressing smoothly on her end, but Crim now had a more serious problem at hand, he had forgotten Aqua was still there.
Yunyun: Hehe, why don't we break the news to her?
Her red eyes upturned and her hips rose, she griped Crim hands over her nipples and went down the sin pole one last time before the burning sensation began.
Yunyun: Aaaahhhhh!
She moaned loudly and hastily pulled up again, but completely. She laid down with Crim dick caught in between her breasts and an elbow on Crim thigh to support her smug grin, her feets playfully beating against Crim's, now that he had played along, she would make him take responsibility, besides them somebody beautiful eyes opened softly.
Aqua: Hmm? [Yawns] Hamm, Leech did you said something?
Crim: Non my goddess, go back to sleep, is still early morning.
Aqua: [Yawning] Really? I could swear I heard you cry like a girl just now…. Oh right the dream, we where raiding the Pupper Forest again and we got defeated! Those insolents cubs, how dare them bite me like that!
Crim: Well what are you waiting for? Go back to sleep and teach those furballs to respect a goddess.
Aqua: Yeah! I'm confident I can pick up where I left if I get back now… But say Leech, what's wrong with the bedsheets by your crotch?
The bedsheets where moving violently as if possessed, it was almost like someone else was hiding there.
Crim: Is just my boner, don't mind it.
Aqua rolled her eyes and turned the other way on the bed with a yawn.
Aqua: I swear your boner does the weirdest things.
She quickly closed her eyes and began to doze off again. Behind her back, the bedsheet was pulled away by the intruder. Crim had Yunyun in a grapple with his legs and her head shoved in his dick until it couldn't go deeper down The throat, keeping her silent, Yunyun now found herself fighting to speak but something just wasn't letting her, and Crim wasn't gonna let her pull even an inch either. With a glare that could kill she quickly redirected her battle to the behind of the bystander just besides them, and violently buried her middle finger inside the undefended goddess ass.
Aqua: Eekyikes!
Cried Aqua as she jumped out of bed with a pain in the ass, was that Leech practicing backstabs on her again? She'll show him!
Aqua: Hey Leech what the hell!? I told you no more sneak attacks when we're in bed— h-hey?
Before her Crim was tying a knot around the bedsheets like they where Santa's bag, and he jumped Aqua right as he got the knot tight.
Crim: Today is blindfold day so no looking!
Aqua: W-what!? But I thought blindfold day was tomorrow!
Crim quickly wrapped a black blindfold around Aqua eyes and covered her view completely, by the bed the Santa bag was fighting to get away.
Aqua: Hey, if this is blindfold day then I want the usual, bring me the liquor and breakfast to bed and don't forget the massage you hear?
Crim: Yes, yes, yes I know.
She wasn't sure what to say about blindfold day, on one hand the Leech did all sorts of pervy things to her while she couldn't react and feared what's next, but on the other hand she could laze in bed all day and Crim would serve to her every need, then she heard the door opening and banging shut, it would seem that parasite had left to do as instructed. Out in the corridors a man holding a bag of bedsheets over his shoulders had reached the intruder room, he flung the bag into her respective bed with a boing-bon-bounce and closed the door. Crisis adverted he thought, only to walk straight back into Aqua's room and feel his jaw drop.
Aqua: Hey Leech, are you still there? At least help me climb back the bed before you go make me breakfast.
A blue haired goddess in nothing but blindfold and short jacket was reaching around at the air, besides her a bed with a problem sitting on her knees with her pajama completely open. The problem could teleport, Crim remembers. The problem spoke in signs with a threatening glare.
Yunyun: (Tell her, or else.)
Crim: (No.)
The signal came back and Yunyun pursed her lips, she rose a hand high like a cat about to knock something off the shelves.
Aqua: Hey Leech are you still there…. Oh wait I found the bed! Never mind, go make me breakfast I'll—Eekyouch!
And like a cat slapping down a vase, Yunyun asserted dominance by slapping the intruder out of the bed. Pets don't belong in their master's bed.
Aqua: Ouch! Hey! I thought we agreed on no domestic violence before noon!
Aqua felt her poor red cheek as she found her way back to bed. Crim sighed tired and soon found himself electrified with lightning from the source of the problem. His problems don't like to be ignored it would seem. Aqua soon found her way to the bed once again and Yunyun petted her silky blue hair as the goddess of density masterfully fails to realize whose caressing her.
Aqua: Ah! Leech, I'm not a cat you silly… Don't rub my tummy ahm! It tickles.
The unsuspecting goddess laid on her back as Yunyun petted her head and rubbed her tummy. Aqua smiled happily to the headpats, then rose her hands and feet like an animal showing their belly in surrender.
Yunyun: (Ins't she cute…? We don't have to give her away, you just need put a leash around her neck.)
Aqua: Ahm! Leech your so ecchi, hehehehe!
The useless goddess moaned excitedly to the headpats and the pussy rubs. But Crim response was the same no, something that made Yunyun sit up the pet and slap her out of the bed again.
Aqua: Gya! Hey stop bullying me! I want more carrots and less stick…! And that doesn't mean I want carrots with my breakfast you hear!?
Yunyun snorted at Crim defiantly and extended her arms to headpat the useless pet making her way back to bed once again, but Crim had enough and walked up to them before he pinched the smug Yunyun by the cheeks.
Crim: [Horror]
Yunyun: Hiiiii!
The king of Belzerg presented a new clause which specified clearly in ink, that nobody and even a goblin was allowed to befriend the Crimson Demon going by the name Yunyun. The shock was so unbearable she pissed herself on the spot and fell unconscious.
Aqua: Huh? Did I just heard a girl scream nearby?
Crim: That Anna ghost girl must be playing pranks on Megumin again, don't mind it.
Aqua: Oh…. I swear you leave her alone for five seconds and she's up to something, ghost these days.
Crim picked the unconscious Yunyun off the bed and shoved her under said bed. Strange he spotted what looked like a tattoo on her lower back, resembling a pixie with a bee appearance. But he gave it no more mind and finished shoving her under the bed where all love affairs belong.
Aqua: Hey Leech, how's that sweet breakfast coming?
Crim: Can it wait for later? I'm exhausted.
Crim climbed atop the bed and laid on his back, Aqua felt her shoulder graze his as he passed by and got in four atop him.
Aqua: Come on, just one omelet please, I'm hungry.
Crim: If you're hungry, I got some grade A meat for you to chomp right here— HOLY JESUS!
An scene right out of The Ring played before Crim.
Aqua: Hey! Leave big bro out of my breakfast!
By the beds edge a hand had stuck out, the problem pulled herself atop the bed once again. Lose hair made a mess and spilling over her face in a most demonic way, intense sweating, big boobs burying on the bed, a glare that could kill and the maniacally smile of triumphant return. As Yunyun plopped herself face first on the bed to catch her breath, Crim noticed the tattoo over her bare buttocks had now become a real pixie. It pulled her stinger out and vanished into a white mist. Crim immediately recognized the pixie to be one of Yunyun beast rather than a tattoo, and whatever it was had injected Yunyun with something that woke her up… very pissed. It was getting really hard to handle a problem when they're that quirky.
Aqua: Hey Le-ech, I want my munchies!
Leech teeth had began to clatter, tenacity was something to be afraid of after all. Yunyun got in four and began to crawl their way, menacing shake of the hips when she close in. A pet had something that belongs to her, and Yunyun wasn't going to have it. An index fingergum pressed on the thumb fingergum and lightning began to come out when they separated, with the other hand Yunyun delicately caressed Aqua's exposed butt, sliding down all the way until she cupped the pussy.
Aqua: Ahm! Leech you perv, you told me that part was for after we beat the Demon King… but tell you what, bring me my breakfast now and I'll let you eat yours off my body like you did last—Owowowowowowowo!
Crim: Owowowowowowowo!
Lightning sparks flew about the place.
Aqua: [Coughs smoke] Hey what the hell's what that!? Lightning…?! Whose here you cheating Leech!? I know you can't use lightning magic so who are you hiding!?
Yunyun encouraged Crim to come clean with a tap of her electric fingergums.
Crim: Actually my goddess, truth is recently I've started to use my sin as a weapon way too often, and it would seem the lightning curse has began to take it as one too….
Aqua: What!? Seriously!? You can't even use your dick whitouth the… Pfffft! Kusususususususu! Hahahaha that's hilarious! Hahahahah— hey wait a second!
Thinking it better.
Aqua: That's bad for me too! The hell Leech I didn't sign up to fuck a Pikachu! Do something about this right now…! And I want my breakfast!
Crim was seriously starting to want and shove her breakfast down her throat, but crisis adverted or so it would seem. Crim redirects his attention beyond the goddess sitting in four over him and to the smug Yunyun, who had Aqua's pussy literally in the palm of her hand, threatening to take Aqua's first time if her demands weren't heard. A white light came out of Crim own hand.
Crim: [Steal]
Yunyun had to cover her eyes to the flash, once the light died down she noticed a golden bracelet by the hand of Crim.
Aqua: Huh, steal? I didn't know you could steal breakfast too with that skill, can you really?
Crim sometimes just couldn't follow the train of thought his goddess would go off on, but before him something had changed. The Girl Of The Ring had finally begun to look at herself in a better light, how exposed she was and what exactly she had been doing. Coloring red like her eyes, she jumped out the bed holding her pajama shirt close and left trough the door at dash speeds. Crim covered Aqua ears as the door banged close, then looked back at the bracelet he had stolen.
Aqua: So, did you stole Chris measly buns or Wolby bacon burgers…? She always puts so much bacon and never shares even a bite with me.
Crim pushed the hungry goddess off him and set for the kitchen once and for all.
Part 2
Later that day, Crim had finally fed Aqua her beloved breakfast and left her sleeping in bed. He was on his way to the guild.
Crim: (I haven't checked on the guild in a while, something must've come on the demon generals…) Huh?
Crim arrived at the guild, however a strange scene that he wasn't expecting, the guild was full, bus in the middle of the city level of full. As Crim wondered what it was he decided to approach a certain individual he hadn't seen in a while.
Crim: Long time no see buffoon.
He spoke to a man clad in white from moccasins to top notch, only an under shirt lacking where his coat had remained open.
Shirtpecs: But what have we here, if it isn't the rotten tomato.
Crim: Yeah missed you too, is there a prom party or something? Why is this place so full?
Shirtpecs: Ah, I take it you haven't read the newspaper… Here take a look.
Shirtpecs reached inside his coat and dragged out a newspaper smelling like workout. Crim wasn't all to eager to touch it but he wanted to know what was going on.
Crim: Hmm…. I see, so there was a sudden hike in the employment rate of adventurers… It says, "Shut Ins around the country rise up to the call of adventure… Inspired by an event of unknown origin even to the kingdom, many young men have expressed their 'out of nowhere' desire to quit their lazy lifestyle and respond the call of adventure. 'Criminals beware!' They just howl when questioned."
Crim put down the newspaper, there was a section next regarding a bounty with what looked like a bare butt and an interview to three guards from a manor, but he didn't bother reading much more.
Crim: So all the bums of the kingdom suddenly had the urge to rise up and defend the land? Please tell me you know what's really going on here?
Shirtpecs: Actually, I know as much as you, which is why I'm back here to investigate. A sudden flip on the workforce like this can be quite beneficial for business.
Crim: You really take your piñata job seriously, don't you?
Shirtpecs: What was that!?
Crim: Nothing I would know… Well basically, what's happening is a bunch of losers rising up for some reason… aaaand I can see them crawling back to mommy right as they face the first goblin. Things will be back to normal next week, so I guess my visit to the guild can wait.
But his nonchalance produced an unsettling grin under the crowbar mustache.
Shirtpecs: Actually rotten tomato, I have some juicy information regarding a could be demon general.
Crim stopped right as he was about to leave. He began to roll back the sleeve on his right and turned around.
Crim: Why would I be interested in demon generals in particular?
Shirtpecs: Bahahaha! Well excuse me. I heard you and your girlfriend where hunting them left and right since the last time we met… Has something made you change your mind since then perhaps?
Crim couldn't really tell what Shirtpecs real goal was, all he could feel was the animosity in tone by which they spoke to each others.
Crim: Did I forget to tell your shit eating grin that I was level 99 now?
Shirtpecs: Uhh, level 99, how scary.
The burly man waved his hand and leaned down until he was even to Crim's height.
Shirtpecs: Up North there's a town by the name of Aura Borea. Rumors that the castle of the region has been occupied by a demon general have started circulating.
Then the man began to walk away, leaving Crim to continue on with his day, but not before turning around for one last warning.
Shirtpecs: And careful now, don't go dying in a pit somewhere. Bwuahahahh!
Then disappeared around the corner of an alley.
Crim: ("Don't go dying on in a pit somewhere" he says. I'll teach him to wear a shirt! Next time I meet milady I'm telling her we have a target.)
And just as he was about to walk away, Chris called out to him in tears.
Chris: Assistant!
Crim: Huh? Mila—Burhurga!
Tears of rage. Chris jumped the accursed heathen before she dragged him to the nearest dark alley. Crim obliged, he likes to fight in his territory.
Chris: I'm going to kill you! I'm going to kill you and send you straight to hell for this!
Crim: Alright, calm down and tell me what have I done this time?
Chris: How dare you play innocent with me! You know what you'd done!
Crim: Ehm, no, I'm not pretending I haven't done something, I've just done so many things that I don't know which one is it this time.
The poor goddess of luck stomps the ground, wishing she could curb stomp the sinners head instead.
Chris: Read the newspaper you heathen!
Chris handled a cleaner issue of today news, Crim wasted not a second to discard the sweaty copy he had behind his back for the one who smelled like a girl's perfume, and pretended to read what he already had.
Crim: What, the employment rate has improved? You know milady, just because we can't force them to use deodorant, doesn't mean we can get angry when they leave their house.
Chris: The fricking heck are you on!? Is not the headlines I'm talking about, read the second page!
She was howling with a face red like a volcano. Crim flipped the page nonchalantly and felt like his heart wanted to strangle itself. Sweating, severely sweating, he began to read the newspaper and said nothing over the image drawn on the page, which was a butt with two chew marks, shinning under the moonlight.
Crim: "In light of recent events regarding the case of the notorious thief, The Chivalrous Bu—AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAHH!
Chris: DON'T LAUGH!
Crim felt Chris strangling him with the newspaper, until it ripped, but he just couldn't stop himself.
Crim: Oh my goddess, I'm so sorry…. I'm fine now, let's keep reading.
He put back the newspaper like pieces of a puzzle and continued where he left off.
Crim: "We've sent one of our journalists to visit the three men behind the report and drawing of the mysterious individual that has now plagued the land with her wanted posters…." Wanted posters?
Chris: Loooook you nincompoop!
Chris reached the pockets of her booty shorts and dragged out a wanted poster, showing the same chew-moonlight-reflecting-rear. Crim read it with interest.
Crim: "Advising all residents of our glorius kingdom to watch out for the dangerous criminal known as The Chivalrous Bu"—AHAHAHAHA! I CAN'T! I JUST CAN'T!
Chris: YES YOU CAN! You're going to keep reading or else I'm going to curse you so hard the earth will swallow you!
Crim recomposed himself to save his life from earth swallowing phenomenon's and listened attentively to the counsel of voices in his head, until they reached a compromise on how to handle this situation. He kept reading.
Crim: "The Chivalrous B. Any information leading to this dangerous and exposed criminal capture will be rewarded in the sum of 50000 USDE if brought 'Alive Only...' We have questions and we won't compensate anyone otherwise…."
Crim finished with the wanted posters and voiced his opinions.
Crim: I want to have a word with these bounty makers. Just fifty grand for this piece of ass? How dare they!
Chris: Don't think you're going to get away from this with your sorry silver tongue! Now go back and read the newspaper!
She was practically holding him dagger to throat by this point. Crim read what seemed like the editorial credit to the interview and jumped straight to where the interview began.
Crim: "The sun had started to rise over the horizon as we chased, and so I asked my friends. Are we fired?" Said one of the guards before another of the three picked where he left. "Committed to the cause of bringing justice into the world, we followed the criminal for hours on end since midnight till dawn… So yes we're technically fired since we long abandoned our lord's territory and then crossed some two other regions among all the running." Said the second ex-guard as our journalist began to notice the men's muscular and throbbing calves through the ripped pants.
Crim started to see how all this was beginning to trace back, it just took a dagger dancing around his neck for him to finally take it seriously. He continued reading where the third guard turn began.
Crim: "We knew we had practically abandoned the duty in the name of our dreams, which is why we never bothered returning, but unemployment is the least of our worries. Our only real regret is that we never caught up to her." The journalist would like to point out to the readers, that as the third guard was saying, the second slammed his hand on the table and behowled. 'I WANTED TO SPANK HER DAMNIT!' Then cried to the first guard shoulder while the third regained his composure and concluded. "But where the war is lost at least a battle has been won. With furor and dedication, I carved her ass into my mind trough the entire all-nighter-chase before we collapsed, and used my gift for the art's to draw a photo-realistic portrait which will go on to become mine and my comrades family heirloom… and later the wanted posters when the detectives got involved…. Last we seen of her she was running butt naked into the sunrise… It was so beautiful we couldn't help but cry as we finally collapsed." So said the three men behind the peculiar case that is The Chivalrous B wanted posters.
That day Crim luck went to the 666 negative, and he couldn't complain.
Part 3
When faced with the rage of God, sinners tend to get down on their knees and beg for forgiveness, but sometimes they just hang by a chain after the ground splits open right under their feet's.
Crim: I had no idea… one of the guards could draw so well… So could you please—
Chris: You shouldn't had used my butt as bait in the first place!
One of the rocks by which Crim had affirmed his foot suddenly broke loose and fell to the lava below. Crim gulped a big gulp.
Crim: Yesss… I shouldn't have used your butt in the first place…. I could have easily portrayed the illusion incorrectly to look like someone else or employed an oversized tree leaf as cover…. It was all my fault and I did it on purpose.
Crim just figured the faster he comes clean, the more likely are his chances to appease Chris and survive.
Chris: And how dare you do this to me on purpose!?
Crim: Because I'm scum, and I thought it was funny, and I deserve to burn in hell… Now milady about the—
Chris: And just listen to what you'd done to my world!
Crim climbed back to ground level and followed Chris until they stuck their ears around a corner, listening to the talks coming from the newly signed adventures. Talks such as, "Clap that booty!" Or, "Do you believe in pussy at first sight?" Or the more coherent and less desperate like, "I'm not giving her to the authorities! They'll have to strip her away from me if I ever get my hands on her!" And more such commentary that would stir concern for the human race. Having listened to it all, Crim latches the chain around a window by the alley again, and lowers himself trough the trench in the ground until he's halfway to the lava before they continue.
Chris: Just look at them! They're working for the completely wrong reasons!
Crim: But milady, at least while they step outside the house, they have to work nonetheless, right…? It is not ideal, but it cannot be argued that the world is a better place right now—
Chris: Oh really, you think there's nothing wrong with this!? What do you think would happen to you if you put dad's, or better say, "Your God's" butt on a wanted poster, huuuuuh!?
Crim: The Pope would have my ass for sure.
Chris: Then silence heathen!
Crim intended not to escape the infernal hole in the ground by which he found himself in, another might just open right away and he might not latch the chain in time if that's the case.
Chris: Your going to pay me for this! Ohhh you have no idea how much this is going to cost you!
Crim: Yes I can imagine…. But, could I get my luck back…? There's a storm forming and I fear lightning will strike if you don't hurry—
Chris: You will refer to me as Big Boss from now on!
Crim: Your wish is my command, Big Boss!
Chris:…. Actually, I take that back, milady sounds better…. But you will treat me with the respect I deserve!
Crim: I will! (A little.)
Chris: And you're going to go on more adventures with me, way more often!
Crim: Actually milady, I received some news about a place I would like to investigate right away—
Chris: Oh I'm soooorry! Was that a no just now!? Am I hearing you right!? [Lightning's cracks]
Crim: Non milady! I was saying, when do we leave!
Chris: Tonight! So be prepared cause I'm going to work you to the bone for this!
With a snap of the fingers, Crim luck returns from the fatalistic 666 to a more survivable 96 negative. He began to climb back to ground level and brushed the sweat off his forehead. Then some shouts where heard.
Darkness: Chris! Where are you!? I know you're around here and you won't escape me!
And back inside the dark alley.
Chris: Noooooo! How did she found me so fast!? We need to get out of here! Run!
Chris was ready to run when Crim picks her up and tosses her over his shoulders, before climbing the windows till the rooftops. Down below.
Darkness: Chris! You can run but you know you can't hide from me!
The raging rich girl just missed them to the relief of the sweaty thief girl.
Chris: Few…. That was close, I thought she was going to get me for sure.
Crim: Is something the matter with Lalatina?
Chris: Of course and is your fault you stupid idiot! You left me strapped naked in her studio and now she suspects I'm the Chivalrous B because she's seen my bare butt before!
Crim: Oh, I see… This is why you usually put a mask over your profile when going robbing—
Chris: I wear a mask over my butt all the time and is called clothing! But you just love to strip me naked don't you!?
Crim: Yes, very much..
Chris: [Reddens] Stop fooling around and think of something or else she'll—Eeeeeeekk!
By the rooftop edge, Chris could see the enraged face of Lalatina as she got herself up the building.
Darkness: Chrissss!
Chris: Kya! A-assistant h-hide me!
Knuckles could be heard cracking. With a big chilling smile and bloodshot eyes the noble lady closed in on the poor criminal.
Darkness: I knew it was just a matter of time before you crossed a line with your stupid thieving games! But ohhh you just had to go and make a name for yourself…! Do you have any idea the headaches you've given me!? I'll kill you!
Chris: Wait this is all a misunderstanding! Why are you assuming is me!? You don't have any evidence you big idiot!
Darkness: Pull your pants down and we'll see about that!
Chris: Nooooo! Why does everyone wants to strip me naked!? Please just let me keep the little dignity I have left!
Darkness: And you too Crim! You owe me a long explanation for this!
Crim: (I should probably leave but I'm having way too much fun….) Huh, me, explaining wot!?
Darkness: Yes! The Chivalrous Bu—
Crim: Huas huas huas! Ow my siiides!
Darkness: —Is a thieving band! The treasury was ransacked by an unknown thief at the same time as the witness claim to have followed Chris all night, and sometime later the stolen goods where found to have been donated to the local church of the Eris faith, miles away from where the three guards had last seen Chris's butt! The theory running around is that one played the bait while the other robbed the place. And who but you could the accomplice be!?
Crim: About anyone under the damn sun when that's all you have. Why are you assuming I'm involved because there's a crime committed? That's racist blondie.
Darkness: You know it isn't! You two will tell me everything right now or I swear by Eris that I'm going to drag you both to the police station and—
Crim: Oh look, is the Chivalrous Bu—Huas huas huaaaaa! I mean, is the Chivalrous B!
Crim pointed in the direction of another rooftop, where the girls found their gaze zooming.
Darkness: WHAT!? IMPOSSIBLE!
Chris: T-truly impossi— I mean totally possible!
There wearing a dark hood closing on the neck, was the figure of a young girl whose from below the shoulders, wore no cover as the hood-cape floated majestically to the winds.
Darkness: B-but this can't be… I was so sure…. Wait the mark's! If she's the real Chivalrous Bu—
Crim: Hahahahahaha!
Darkness: —Then she has to have the chew marks from the dog that attacked her!
And like a super intelligent dog yearning the attention of an inspector with a lot of gadgets under his belt, the girl in dark hood-only turned her back to the party and posed picking up her cape until the exquisite rear was visible in all its shiny glory.
Darkness: It-it's her! Those are the marks I know it! Stop right there you criminal scum…! And Chris I'm so sorry but I have to go. Halt I said criminal!
Lalatina jumped across the rooftops and set chase after the hooded heroine, whom set off full speed in the other direction. Back with the real Chivalrous B and Crim.
Crim: And so Bait saves the day once again.
Chris: Stop baiting people with my butt you accursed heeeeeeaaatheeeeeenn!
Part 4
Crim: (Crisis adverted for now. But milady was insistent that we have to investigate a galleon tomorrow, something about a general of the kingdom involved in shady business whom might be holding a sacred relic. So I need to be prepared for another infiltration right away. I need to see if my shipment has already arrived.)
Crim found himself on his way to Wiz shop. The streets looking more crowded than ever as it would be expected of a starter's town in the middle of an employment surge, shops where bursting with costumers which was great for the economy, but for some reason less and less bystanders clocked around the area as he was getting close to Wiz shop, until no a soul could be seen walking around. Then screams where heard.
Wiz: I'm so sorry!
The doors of the store burst open, and out ran the teary eye Lich who owns the place, or at least used to.
Wiz: Save me mister Crim!
From the darkness coming out the door two red eyes shone.
Vanir: [Vanir Style Death Ray]
And a laser fried the Lich trying to reach Crim.
Wiz: EEEAAAAAAAYIKEES!
She collapsed crisply before Crim, who immediately rolled back his sleeve. Out the doors comes a masked weirdo in black tuxedo.
Crim: You, survived!?
Vanir: Ho, if it isn't the soulless boy. What brings you here today? Are you perhaps looking to do business with us?
Crim: Us?
Vanir was about to grab Wiz off the floor when Crim stood in between them. The devil too a second but quickly snapped his fingers and smiled complacent.
Vanir: Ah, moi sees what the misunderstanding here is. Worry not sinner, moi am not your enemy anymore. Thou mind is just too difficult to read with all that blinding light flying about, but I can offer a proper explanation if thou would allow us to drag this sorry fool inside before she causes a commotion.
Crim: Hmmmmmm…. You did say you support my cause before. I guess I can lend you an ear for five minutes.
Vanir: As expected of a fellow victim of the fool's whims. Moi can recognize his kind when he sees one.
The victims picked up the crispy corpse and walked inside the store, where Vanir explained everything as Wiz healed on the couch.
Crim: So basically, what you pledged to the demon king was but one life of many, and now that you lost it, you're no longer bound by the contract.
Vanir: Correct my fellow devil in the making. Is all on the fine print.
Crim: Yes I can see, and Wiz here was just giving you work. But then you came across one of her disastrous sales schemes.
Vanir: And moi couldn't help and cry rays of death for the coins who have been lost this day.
Crim: I get you, I totally get you, I too have found myself returning several crates of wine and jewelry under the name of, "The Goddess Alliance."
The victims of economic catastrophes share a drink under the poorly lit store. Sobbing's of the death coming back to life where heard.
Vanir: Still boy, moi wonders something about thou. The economic crisis enthusiastic that sits beside us has told me much about ye, how thou are the only real costumer we have around here. So moi wonders, what does thou see in all this junk? How does thou makes it all work and still keeps coming back for more? Your wisdom is beyond even a devil who foresees the future. How?
Crim: I just order through this joint, but most of what I buy doesn't come directly from this store.
Vanir: Ah… moi sees now. If what the owners puts on the shelves doesn't picks thou interests, ye would have her order something that works from someplace else and bring it here directly.
Crim: Correct.
Vanir: Moi sees… Hell teaches us to never believe in miracles, but seeing that sorry fool always bragging about that one costumer who always buys here regardless. It all makes sense now.
Wiz: You two are so mean to me!
The teary translucent Lich cries from the couch.
Vanir: Silence you wealth nemesis! The entire town is bursting with new sucker's and thou has managed to scare them off within days that they avoid this place like cats would a cucumber!
Crim: Oh Wiz you're awake, has any of my shipments arrived yet?
Wiz: Mister Crim you're so cruel! You always go straight to business even when I can barely move from pain or hunger…! And yes the potions have arrived but your other order isn't here yet!
Pissy, Wiz went to the back of the store and returned with a heavy crate.
Wiz: Also there's a note in there for you.
Wiz passes on the note and Crim reads it out loud.
Crim: "How are you doing sonny. Granny is happy to see you have overcome your 'issues.' Send girly my condolences for all her hard work. Bwuahahahh!" This grandma is still writing her laughter into her notes, I can't believe this. "Here I'll leave the potions as you ordered, all mana regen variants with one speed buff included on each. You should be able to regenerate 30 more mana daily on top of the added speed buff each one can grant you. Make sure you don't piss off girly, that is unless you miss the taste of my anti libido potions of course. Bwuahahahh!" And she wrote her laughter again, this grandma sure knows how to have a good time.
With the merchandise accounted for, Crim paid Wiz her commission.
Vanir: To witness the miracle in first hand, the shopkeeper earning money no less.
Wiz: Sir Vanir! I have you know I can bring a winner sale just as much as you! Look, I just ordered this monster food which if you give it to the monsters they'll go crazy over it and leave you alone….
Crim: Well if the crystal isn't here then nothing that can be done about it, but at least this one's came right as I needed them... I'll be leaving now—
Vanir: What have you done you gold blight! This product was discontinued all over the kingdom because one single can odor has the power to attract a whole monster nest and feed just one!
Crim hurriedly picked up the crate and was just on his way to leave.
Wiz: Wait! Please stop! I'm still recovering from the last—WAIT!
Crim walked out the door and closed it up right behind. It wasn't his problem.
Wiz: I'll make back the money I swear so please stop charging your death ray! I'll even sell my body if I have to!
Vanir: Hmm… Interesting.
Crim: Yes, very interesting.
Agreeds Crim from his seat inside the store as if he had never left.
Vanir: If there's one thing thou promiscuous owner has going for you is your body, but moi never expected thou would be willing to part with it… Very well boy, would you like a lap dance?
Crim: Yes please!
To Wiz dread, Crim and Vanir had completely misunderstood her and began negotiating prices.
Wiz: Wait! You two have it all wrong! I meant my nails! Liches nails sell for high—
Crim: You want to charge me 200 over one striptease? That's highway robbery!
Wiz: Sir Vanir! How could you pimp your friend dignity for a mere 200!?
Vanir: Moi friend dignity, what's that? Can it be put on a bank? Does my friend dignity pays bills? And the price is fairly high considering the prestige of the individual involved and the proportions by which the products sells for.
Crim: Yeah yeah, pretty and all but I know the real prices on the market and am not buying for more than a hundredth even if I'm feeling charitable.
Vanir: Sh! This is why dealing with people whom moi can't read is such a pain.
Wiz: Please stop cheapening me like is only natural you two! I can earn back the money with just my nails and some hair locks so please stop joking around! And besides sir Vanir, how would you be able to look me in the eye if you sold me away for profit?
Vanir: Moi would see thou in a better light, a glinting better much more economic and richer light. Also promiscuous owner, moi believes thou has been getting the wrong idea here. Moi is a devil, not a demon and thus genderless. If thou are setting your hopes on my person then thou might become the longest lived, or the first immortal in history to die a virgin. Sold for a hundreds USDE and no more bargaining dear costumer.
Crim: Well fuck it, I'm rich anyways.
Crim paid Vanir and began to drag the unresponsive Lich to the back of the store. There Crim found a bedroom and placed Wiz still in the middle of the room while he rested on the bed.
Crim: Very well, don't keep me waiting.
Wiz: Mister Crim I told you to stop clowning around!
Wiz turns and began walking for the door, but when she opened it, she was met by red eyes about to blast off lasers. Wiz then proceeds to slam shut the door before locking with key and swallowing said key in a desperate attempt to save her unlife. Among the big gasp for air, Crim called out.
Crim: Well go on, I'm getting cold over here.
The poor Lich cried a tear, to sell her own body to pay the bills.
Wiz: Mister Crim, this will be an one time thing you… are you listening!?
Crim: Yusssss. Now strupssss.
Everything about his body language just screams he was having fun. Wiz finally resigned and walked back to the center of the room. She loosened her robe.
Wiz: L-like this?
Timidly she lowered the robe down her shoulders until right above the nips.
Crim: Go on, shake it, boobiem all over my face! If you keep wasting time I don't make myself responsible.
It would seem the costumer was getting impatient. There goes the stall for time plan. Wiz held her boobs and began to shake them, hypnotic to the mind of the costumer. With each bounce the robe seeming to come a little lower. Closer, Wiz comes closer until the bounce reaches right by the costumer face, and there she lowly whispered.
Wiz: [Sleep]
She felt sorry for conning Crim like that, but her dignity was much too important to be given away in such a way. She closed her eyes remorseful of her actions and pulled up her robe, only to find it getting drag down till her belly, bra and all.
Wiz: Eeps! M-mister Crim you where awake?!
Boing, boing, boing was all Crim could hear and see. He rested his face on, pressed feeling the cool yet soft sensation of Wiz boobs, and she pulled away all panicky.
Wiz: M-mister Crim, how are you still awake!?
Crim: Because I have sleep immunity. Also Wiz, do you realize what you tried just now?
Wiz: Wait please! I didn't meant to—
Crim: Non non non. No excuses here, an eye for an eye and a spell for a spell. Now here comes my turn Wiz. [Charm] [Link] [Desire]
Wiz: Mister Crim that's not one, those are three spells!
Crim pointed a finger and out of it pulsated light thrice at the scared Lich covering her breasts.
Crim: (How you like that, my 'have my way combo.' Separate they might be used for different circumstances, but together is a whole nother story… Charm does exactly what it says it does but usually doesn't go beyond favoritism from the victim towards the user. The spell can be described as love at first sight in every sense of the word, but from there to going down the bed there's a world over, which is what Desire is for… With Desire the target would drop whatever they're doing to pursue that which they yearn for most at the moment. A man wanting another man baconator might find himself punching his own kin for that burger, that is what the spell Desire entails, it tends to be a wild card if it isn't used right. But if used on combo with Charm, there can only be one—)
Wiz: Mister Crim are you doing alright? You've been staring at my boobs whiteout blinking for a while now and those spells you just used where so weak I worry you might be sick.
Crim blinked in confusion to seeing the victim worried for his health.
Crim: What, weak? But that's impossible! My luck is 96 and my spells hit against your levels, so unless you're higher than level 96 it should work regardless…. Oooohhh rrrright, Milady dropped my luck again.
He would have to kneel like a muppet before the next job or else he might find himself in a difficult situation, but now there where other matters a hand. Crim looked at Wiz way.
Crim: Well is a shame I can't escalate this, but do go on Wiz, earn yourself a costumer.
The doorknob began to make rattling sounds, like someone was pushing for Wiz to get to work.
Wiz: Just this one time, you hear—
The sound of a coin hitting against the ground could be heard inside the dark room.
Crim: Whoops I dropped a coin.
Wiz: Three-seconds-rule— ahh!
Wiz found her robe janked out of her when she dropped to pick the coin, Crim had steeped on the hem of it and rid the Lich of her modest cover, now only a pair of high-rise underwear left on her. Crim grinned at the naughty Lich exposed secret and pulled out a coin pouch.
Crim: Ah, ah, ah so much money. I hope I don't drop it.
Crim drops a handful of coins all over the floor. Wiz knew well enough what his goal was, to get her under lewder circumstances of course, but it was still money! In fact, she felt like she could earn a hefty 15% extra if she just ducked down. Struggling to hide her breasts and drooling to the sight of money, Wiz bent down.
Crim: Ah ah ah, not like that. Use your mouth.
She halted right where she was, in a kneel that was degrading if nothing else, Wiz tries to pick the coin with her lips, knees to the floor, hair spilling over her facial features and her arms wrapping precariously around her tits, she nabbed a coin with her rosy lips. Hot, she was starting to feel hot, her heart beats gotten uneven. Then she looked up to Crim for validation.
Crim: Good job there, now hold still for me.
Crim pulled out another coin and flicked it.
Wiz: Ah!
Right in between the exposed Lich boobs. She moaned, the mood was starting to turn her oversensitive to touch, then Crim flicked a new one, and it bounced right off Wiz tits, falling to the floor with a click.
Crim: Pick that up.
Embarrassed and reddening, Wiz spat the one coin she had gathered out her mouth and into her boobie pouch, then she bent once again to use her lips and cradle the new one. Her nose pressing against the dusty floor when her lips took the coin, it felt like she were loosing a first kiss with every time she did… Up went her head with a fiercely swing-back that got her long hair out hers face, now she really was starting to look more in the mood for what Crim was looking for. It was like a switch in her had completely flipped on.
Crim: Huas huas huas, finally!
A coin flick came, it was a perfect boobie en one. Wiz flinched lightly to the sensation when the coin hits, and a new one flicked her way. It misses it target, and Wiz was inclined to kiss the ground once again, only her hands now pressed on the floor too, it was just a way to make her stand now, she saw no need to cover herself anymore, and that was really all that Crim could take.
Crim: Stay just like that, kiss that dirty dusty coin like it where all you had.
He approached from behind, eyeing her elevated rear. Wiz felt a slight urge to fight back, but why didn't she want anymore thoughts on the matter? Promptly her high-rise was dragged down till it closed on her knees, something hard and warm had began to press on her clit.
Wiz: Ouch-ouch mister Crim yours… is hot! It feels like I'm getting touched by lady Aqua!
Crim: Ho, so her holy properties are starting to leak out onto me… Well anyways, let's make this a sex that would raise even the dead.
Wiz: Wait but I don't wanna ascend yee—EEeek
Slowly but steadily the big holy cock began to dig its way in. It felt not scalding yet so hot for a reason, unholy beings weren't meant to be with their counterparts. Wiz pussy squeezes Crim almost immediately, and the horny Lich presses her forehead intensely against the floor, a rush that made her spasm followed trough her spine, Crim reached the limit and began to pull back, so he could thrust again.
Wiz: Ahhhhh!
She cried as the in and out had began at last, the sensation made her add a hip shake into the grinding, all that squeezing the cock was making Wiz hips move on their own. Like a pilot through a turbulent sky, Crim held firm onto Wiz rear and positioned so her movements wouldn't slip him out.
Wiz: Ah, ah, ahhhhh!
Wiz hyperventilates, the heath tends to numb the mind, all feels like a foggy cotton world, the Lich felt like she where melting, something was beginning to leak out. Her knee caps tied with her underwear, now supporting her along with her hands, feets busy swinging aimlessly on the air. And then it felt like a click.
Wiz: Aahhm!
Crim finally pulled out, and Wiz fell the immediate cool relief. She rolled on the floor whiles feeling the burning hot liquid coming out of her V.
Crim: Too bad, we can't keep going if you start to pass on.
Wiz: Ehhh!? I'm see through! I'm starting to turn see trough!
Crim: And bleeding too, which is a surprise but I guess a pleasant one none the less.
Wiz: No…. what have I done!? I let myself get carried away and now I lost my…. mister Crim you're the devil!!
Then a voice rang coming from the door of the room.
Vanir: Technically promiscuous owner, moi am the devil, and dear costumer. I'm afraid I've to charge extra for the services performed.
Crim paid a hefty sum that got the store out of the red, and Wiz Magic Store now offers one more merchandise for a particular one costumer only.
Part 5
Crim had arrived back on the mansion, his goal was to ask Wolbach to find more skill books that pertain to his profession, but what he found inside the living room wasn't an evil goddess, but an evil goddess and a bunch of clowns, holding a little archmage whom was wrapped in bandages from head to toes and even gagged.
Daniel: Greetings black lion.
Said the clown from his seat on the sofa as Wolbach brought him tea. The rest of the clowns went ahead and left the mansion.
Daniel: I heard you once again did as you pleased, and I must say I am impressed.
Crim: And I can guess you're not here to congratulate me.
Daniel: Correct, I'm here over the little immigrant we had found sneaking into our territory.
The clown pinched the cheek of the little immigrant.
Megumin: Hmmm gmmmm!
Whom had bitten him if she wasn't gagged.
Daniel: You see, we might be able to respawn so long as holy blows aren't involved, but that doesn't mean we like getting blown to pieces. Luckily our border patrol was able to apprehend your compact terrorist here before she made a mess of our home.
Crim: [Face palms] I believe I told you to leave the clowns alone.
Megumin: HmE hmX hmP!
The caterpillar mage bounced on the sofa with excitement just thinking of all the exp she could've had if she'd gotten away with it.
Daniel: [Sights] Anyways, we'll give her back in one piece given her relationship with Yunyun and our respect for you, but I would appreciate if you kept a reel on this one… Also, how did she even found a portal seriously? We closed all the ones we had round Axel and she popped over one in Rura, and a very concealed one to boot… What does she have, eyes on the sky or something?
Crim: Not that I know, no.
Megumin: (I'll ask Chris to reimburse me some of the money she charged me for the intel.)
Crim took a seat nearby and addressed Wolbach.
Crim: Go see if you can find me some new thieves skills while I'll entertain the guest.
Wolbach: Hmmp! [Turns back, whispers] Go bring me more skills he says, like those grow on trees. Go rot in jail bastard.
Crim: What was that?
Wolbach: Nothing!
And the evil maid ran away holding down her skirt. Daniel the clown adjusted his sunglasses and removed the gag from Megumin.
Megumin: Finally you stupid clown! Where were you keeping that handkerchief, your boot!?
Daniel: As you can see— AAAAAAhhhhh!
Daniel soon found two rows of teeth sinking and serrating into his cranium the moment he left his guard down.
Megumin: [Spits hair] Serves you right clown! And stay away from Yunyun!
Daniel: As you can SEE! She doesn't listens nor fears us in any way, so can I please count on you to keep her off our backs please!?
Crim: Well, I might be a sinner but is not like I support terrorism—
Megumin: Take me to hell and I'll get you one aphrodisiac magic item from my village, so powerful, that you'll be able to even make Aqua and master have at each others…! And you could even join and they wouldn't mind!
Crim: —But then again you clowns are demons, so I don't know if I feel right helping you as an ex-christian and all.
Daniel: W-wait…! You said you wanted thieves skills right!? Help us out and I'll teach you some good skills for deceiving the eye!
Crim: Hmmm…. Interesting…
Megumin: What!? You can't be serious! Master and Aqua, just think about it!
Crim began to think about it, and drool started coming out of his mouth.
Crim: Yesssss I can seeeee it. The two meals on a bed, stripping each other's of their maids uniforms, then I wonder who would take the lead and who would be the submissive one…. And by the way Megumin, who taught you that kind of stuff in the first place? And are you sure is alright to sell your precious master like that?
Megumin: A mentor must make sacrifices for the sake of her disciple. And I'm fourteen years old! I'm practically an adult now you parasite!
What cross of fates the sinner found himself in, power or pleasure? The answer was obvious, but he concluded to at least listen to the other side. He looked over the blue haired clown in spiffy sunglasses.
Daniel: I-I-a I can teach you how to use Soul Puppets!
Crim: Don't have a soul so I can't use that.
Daniel: T-then how about Possession!? You could take over a victim's body and move around unnoticed! All you need is high luck since you're a thief and an affinity for the dark arts!
Crim: The high luck is something I can manage with a little butt licking, but I seem to have gained holy properties recently, so I doubt I could use most evil alignment skills.
Daniel: What!? But that barely leaves us with anything to work with!
Many a darksiders skills require the user to be adept with the dark arts. Crim had asked Wolbach once about the Haze Steps origin's, and they had turned out to be vampire skills.
Daniel: Hmmm… I got it, how about a card trick?
Crim: You're not really suggesting a card trick is going to beat having a combo meal, aren't you?
But the clown still brought out a deck of cards from his baggy overalls, and began to shuffle them before he offered a handful to Crim.
Daniel: Pick anyone here you like.
Crim noticed a blue haired girl in nothing but red laces around her body. He picks the card and then Daniel chants.
Daniel: [Mark]
He brushes his finger over his sunglasses and later shuffles the deck, then he would rest it on the table between them.
Daniel: Was your card perhaps, the Joker?
Crim: That's pretty and all but there are many of those tricks where I come from, and none are very useful for the jobs I do.
Daniel: Oh I know, but notice how I didn't even need to show you your card, or even take a look at it, I just told you what it was.
Daniel removed his sunglasses, revealing fiery pupils surrounded by dark eye shadows, a demonic detail many of his kind would rather not have to see. Crim received the sunglasses Daniel was passing and took a look trough the lenses, it reflected a view right from the card of the birthday wrap Joker girl.
Daniel: Mark is a skill used to create a vigilance sigil trough two different surfaces. You use it by chanting and drawing the first sigil on the place you want to keep an eye out for, and the other you must use on something you plan on keeping around. It'll cost 4 mana to use each time.
Daniel recovered his sunglasses.
Crim: I see, that would indeed be useful.
Daniel: Right? Here keep the deck of cards, is our latest design and has gotten really popular with the troupe. You can use it to assign a vigilance sigil to different cards, here try it yourself.
Crim used his adventurer card to learn the skill immediately and proceeds to walk for one of the portraits on the living room.
Crim: [Mark]
He chanted and dragged his finger across the eye of a child in goldilocks hairstyle, the sigil traces itself on its own where he rubbed his finger from, then Crim looked into the deck and took out the queen of hearts card. One that held a young Crimson Demon in white ballerina dress and jester crown. After Crim rubbed his finger on the card, he was able to take a look trough it like he was watching a security camera on a smartphone, the view point coming from the eye of the portrait, and then a maid arrives.
Wolbach: Nothing, there wasn't a single skill book left for thieves so don't you even dare blame this on me!
A moody maid in short uniform skirt passed by with a tray of cookies.
Crim: [Mark]
Crim touched the innerside of Wolbach skirt and later shuffled trough the deck until he found the corresponding queen of diamonds, who had been assigned to the evil maid. Crim traced his finger across the card and soon found Mark starting to work, reflecting the sweaty bum of the maid as she walked, terrified of the brute retaliation for not finding him his skills. The view looked like in those weirdly angled cameras viewpoints from the animations one of Crim exes used to watch.
Crim: (Nothing worn today, it would appear she has gotten the memo… And damn does it looks fat from this view.) Hey clown, how long does this spell last?
Daniel: One hour, and that's about it. [Receives cookie]
Crim: (Dammit, I wanted to keep this sigil view!) [Doesn't gets a cookie]
Daniel: But fret not, one hour is time a plenty to carry out a job, and just in case.
Daniel walks up for a drawer nearby and opens it before he chants.
Daniel: [Clown Rules]
He rested a leg atop the opened drawer, then he jumped up and got the other before he started to crouch and then a hand stuck out to close the drawer. Daniel the clown voice reaches out of the drawer.
Daniel: This one is used to hide in closed spaces, is how we can all fit inside a small car regardless of those pesky laws of physics… It costs 3 mana points and makes for an excellent way to hide, thought it will only work in closed spaces—
Crim: Holy shit that's the best skill ever! (Does this clown have any idea the places I can hide inside with something like that? Where I could stick my head into!? Paradise I'll tell you!)
Somewhere else inside a dark room, a blue haired girl lazily sleeping with a blindfold, shivered.
Wolbach: You make me sick, bastard! [Covers crotch]
Megumin: I just imagined something I wish I hadn't.
Daniel: Yeah, you really will become a demon of culture some day… Anyways, are you satisfied with the skills I taught you?
Megumin: Think of the threesome Crim!
Shides the caterpillar Crimson Demon.
Wolbach: What threesome are you talking about pipsqueak?
Pipsqueak looks away from her master query.
Crim: (Dammit! I thought this was going to be easy and now things have gone and made themselves complicated! A combo meal should always be the winning choice but with skills like that, the stuff I could do… Now that I think about it.) Say clown, I'm not an adventurer, I'm a thief, so how come I can learn demonic skills who aren't exactly thieves related?
Daniel: That isn't a problem, those skills aren't from this world in particular and they don't follow the same principles... In this world a class like thieves would have access to all their skills so long as they have the skill points to learn them, but they wouldn't be able to learn anything that doesn't relate to them, right?
Crim: Yes that's what I heard, and the adventurer class is the only one who can learn everything all at once.
Daniel: Right, there's no adventurers class in the world where these skills originate from, what exists there are specialized classes.
Crim: How so?
Daniel: Well first, nobody has adventurers cards nor do they need them to use skills or magic, they are just born with the power to use magic. There exists four tiers to all skills and magic, low tier, mid tier, high tier and Total tier. Where these skills originate from, the adventurer class doesn't exist and anyone can use any and all low tier spells and skills.
Crim noticed Wolbach had taken a stand besides him and wanted to tell him something.
Wolbach: It is a the clown says, there is not one class hogging all skills at once but rather, anyone has access to the basics, is only for the big stuff that you would need to specialize in something.
She pooped a cookie whole into her mouth and continued.
Wolbach: Spells like Regen, Paralysis in both the basic type and the illusion type which you know, others most basic elemental spells like Ice Armament, anyone can use those so long as they study how to… Is for the mid, high and Total tier that you would require the class associated before you can use said skills, for example.
The evil maid sat on the armchair and continued.
Wolbach: Ice Armament allows you to produce ice weapons, that would be a low tier ice spell, and as good as you can make use of it for, anyone can learn that spell, not just a spellcaster, even a monk or warrior could use it... On the other hand, Absolute Zero is an ice spell that lowers the temperature in a five meters radius to freezing degrees within a second, regardless of the body heath of the individuals, which causes instant or near instant death, that would be a mid tier spell, and something only someone born with the aptitude for spellcaster or someone who specializes in spell casting can use.
Crim: So, that would explain why I could learn the Haze Steps before, and what do you mean by that aptitude something?
Wolbach: You have the aptitude for Crusader and picked the thieves class. In another world that means you'd be able to wield any spells and skills of the low and mid theirs for Protectors, which are the Crusaders equivalent, while being able to use any all skills and spells up to the high tier of thieves, since you would've chosen to specialize in that class, and you'd be left still being able to use all low tier spells and skills from the other classes.
Crim: I see, so everyone can do something under any circumstances, but you cannot use the strongest powers unless you compromise your life to said power.
Wolbach: Correct, an example of a spell which you couldn't use unless you where a spellcaster would be, Crusher Geyser. A spell that produces a 24x24 cube of solid ice to crush a target under, that would be a high tier spell given its destructive properties and the effectiveness of crushing damage, which unlike Absolute Zero, it cannot be resisted with elemental resistances.
Crim: That reminds me, you never taught me about the elemental resistances you failure of a teacher!
Wolbach: Aqua was sabotaging me and we ran out of time and you know it bastard…! Anyways, some spells like Absolute Zero can be resisted with elemental resistances, others like Ice Armament cannot be resisted even though they are lower tier, but the resistances always come in handy because they can still save you from a variety of different skills and deadly spells.
Daniel: As she says, most spells of the ice attribute have the advantages of dealing crushing damage which cannot be resisted, and a solid form which can stun block the spirit barrier, while others like fire can start wildfires and lightning types can bypass the body defenses once the barrier shuts down.
Wolbach: Resistances come in the same four tiers and just depending on how high you have them, you can be unfazed or even immune to certain spells who lack a solid or liquid form… For example, you know how Aqua makes a big fuss wherever we light her butt on fire for giggles? She has a high tier elemental resistance on that scarf of hers, meaning she's feeling like, 25% of the fires heat… that's like 150 degrees only. She's just a whiny baby and she didn't have to God Blow me and Chris because of it….
Crim: (That would explain why that bracelet Yaga gave me is so useful, is a permanent 75% damage resist to nearly any spell of lightning which can only exist in energy form, and I would guess the spirit barrier also works with that in mind.)
Wolbach: And then she said she hated us, and I was an 'Evil Goddess,' and I was no longer her sister… and she didn't remember a word of it by evening….
Crim: Say meal, what would be the Total tier ice spell like?
Wolbach: We lighted her butt again as soon as she fell asleep, her freakouts are just so hilarious…. Huh? The Total tier ice spell…? That would be Prismatic Dust. It's called like that because of the way the light reflects on the ice shards, it makes it seem like a kaleidoscope of colors coming your way to blend you into a fine red paste.
Crim: Yikes that sounds nasty… Hey wait a minute, I remember the frog had used a spell called Total Dilluvio or something?
Daniel: You mean Total Deluge…? Ah, that explains it, what my predecessor used to say about the horizon coming to life… Total tier spells are known as the Supernatural Disasters magics after all.
Wolbach: Oh, and one more thing bastard. Elemental resistance can also protect you from the weather, unlike the spirit barrier who doesn't work on anything that's not magic.
Crim fell into a deep thought, there was something that was bothering him about the explanation he was being given.
Crim: How high is the damage for those Total tier spells?
Wolbach: They don't have a value, the Total tier spells make use of light magic, and they usually work by dragging something that's natural and beating you over with it. The magical barrier won't work because of it.
Crim: That, isn't there an earth spell that lets you levitate a rock and hurl it over to the enemy?
Wolbach: Yes there is, is called Earth Control, but that wouldn't work, and it's because mana tends to influence the spell… If you used Earth Control, you'd be using mana to levitate the boulder, and that mana would trigger the spirit barrier, which would carve a hole in the boulder the size of your full body. The boulder won't even reach you, but with light magic is different.
Daniel: Light magic is void magic, nothingness, it doesn't stick onto anything it touches.
Wolbach: You know how black has a bit of every color in it, and white has none? That's pretty much the way the dark and light attributes work. You humans are made of 60% water and 40% earth as adults, and the more elements are mixed in you, the closer you get to darkness. Darkness is just the fusion of all elements other than light, while light is the absolute void.
Daniel: You notice how you start to mutate into a hell beast wherever you enter hell? This is because miasma tends to have heavy dark properties. If I where to give you an example, coming into contact with dark magic would be like drinking muddy water. You'll get parasites, bacteria, a stomach sickness and all sorts of crazy side effects, while light magic would be the equivalent of drinking 100% pure water or Alkaline water. It lacks minerals and any bacteria, and would take them from your very guts if drinked, ensuring a painful death.
The clown felt his stomach turning just thinking about it.
Wolbach: Radiation, cancer, mutations, festering, growing out a second head. Dark magic is everything in excess, it overloads your DNA and tends to cause nothing but side effects for beings who are only made of just two elements like humans…
The evil maid stood from the armchair and brought closer a candlelight.
Wolbach: Light separates, accentuates, it blends with nothing and pushes all away… The reason why humans can use it, is because you're made of just two elements. The more elements go into your making, the harder it gets to use light magic whiteout it hurting you, and beings of darkness cannot use it in any way whatsoever... A Total tier spell consists of mastering light magic to the point you could use it to hurl a Supernatural Disaster at an enemy whiteout any mana residous triggering the spirit barrier.
And the maid blew off the candlelight.
Crim: That sounds like a bunch of work when the spirit barriers rarely grow bigger than 360, wouldn't it be better to just spam low tiers with high Magic Power?
Wolbach: True, but that's only if they can destroy the barrier, and it doesn't account for the area of effect… The ideal mage combat is one where you can use a spell which surpasses the barrier in one shot, but because this isn't always possible, you'd have to either use a big one that can, or minor ones and later a finisher spell… Humans might have limitations on the 360 spirits, but monsters can hit thousands with ease.
Daniel: Low tier spells benefit more from magical damage than mid and high tier, but if the spirit barrier collapses and you're still spamming Tinder or the likes, your opponent would just shrug it off even whiteout the barrier. You want to debilitate the barrier with weak spells which deal faster and consistent damage, and then when your finisher spell exceeds spirit, then you drop a mid or high tier to destroy the barrier and kill the individual hiding inside in one shot.
Wolbach: As I told you before, the barrier is capable of disintegrating even a boulder if there's mana laying around it. Spells like Crusher Geyser are pretty much the same and would suffer the same fate as that boulder, but if the barrier collapses, then your enemy will be made a fine paste. So watch out for high tiers after your spirit begins to collapse—
Megumin: Hey can somebody untie me here!? I've been like this for hours now and I need to go— actually I don't need to go anywhere, but please untie me right now please!
The adults all brought their eyes back to the bandages caterpillar.
Crim: Oh right, I completely forgot what I was doing before… This is all your fault stupid meal!
Wolbach: How dare you blame me for educating you! Neanderthal! Hmmp!
She swung her hips right in his face and walked away. Crim eyes the card he had placed on vigilance under her skirt as she goes.
Crim: (She's wet, definitely looking to start trouble and get her just desserts... I'll get her later.) So, I made my verdict.
The clown and the caterpillar reel in.
Megumin: Threesome Crim, the threesome!
Daniel: I hope you can appreciate all the help I have given you, and take into consideration I have also taught you some solid skills too!
The sinner raised a finger and….
Crim: I'll make sure she leaves you clowns alone from now on.
Megumin: WHAT!? But my bargaining ship was a threesome!
Crim: Where did you said they sell that magic item, the Crimson Demon village? I'll order some later with Wiz.
Megumin: YOU JERK! How dare you cross me like this!?
The blue haired clown stood up and made for the door.
Daniel: Well is a relief to hear… Also, don't you find it strange that the winter ended so soon?
Crim: Actually, now that you mention it…
Megumin: [Gulps]
The clown leered in with a big creepy grin.
Daniel: I heard from my lackeys, that a certain archmage was farming snow sprites on the mountains, now that their guardian wasn't around to save them.
Daniel gave the little caterpillar a big smug smile and walked off.
Megumin: I'll blast you! One of these days I'll go to hell and blast you clown to pieces mark my words!
Megumin barked at the clown as he walked away, then she felt herself gaining altitude. Crim had picked her up by the bandages.
Crim: You know, now that I remember, I never got you back for all those times you blew my fortunes off, and weren't you saying you where practically an adult now that you turned fourteen?
The lights reaching trough the window curtains darkened, when clouds assailed the sun. Megumin gulped, the dark times where about to begin.
Writer
Do you know what took me so long? The Wiz lemon.
I thought I had it in the bag with all the pimping references and how wrong I was. Every time I was about to write something it was either used, to be used, or reserved for a different character porn style.
I kid you not, after the Wiz lemon, I wrote everything else just today. I was so stuck on it that I even began writing my next book to concentrate….
Oh right I got good news, remember that time limited thing I had to do? It got delayed till August.
That doesn't mean I plan to finish it on August, in fact I want it written right now, like before yesterday now, but I could catch a break at last.
You have no idea how happy I am feeling right now, just wish my followings wrote more often to spoil me, but it's a good time, it's all good, no pressure.
So, now that I am in no hurry anymore. I decided to start writing my next book since I only have to update here like twice a month. I mean, I'm the idiot who thought this fanfic would be over in 4 months and 40K words. I was starting to hit my limits with my restraints to write my own stories now that's been almost a year.
Obviously I'm not dropping this nor reducing the updates anymore than twice a month, I'm not evil, I'm a saint!
So I'll offer you my beloved's a deal. I said once that writing is a fun hobby, and could also become your career if you try hard, and I don't know how many of you consider it giving that it might seem hard, but I can help you out with that.
First I'm going to finish the chapter for April first (expec third) and then I'm going to open an account in Fiction net. The original stories twin brother of Fanfiction net.
There I'll post the chapters of my next book as I'll write it (mind you I haven't read the terms of fiction net yet, I'm just assuming that's how it works.) I'll also leave some notes trough the chapters and I'll even guide you trough the process of writing and publishing a book in the notes by the end of each chapter.
I mean, if you're interested in writing anything, I'll be there to help you out whether you like it or not, otherwise is just one more of my stories for you to read for free anyways. Once is concluded I'll erase it from fiction net and publish it as a book.
Though is not any of my previously planned stories. After all I started writing it because I was stuck at the Wiz lemon and I was craving a party with good lemonic energy and I planned an entire story just for it.
Mind you is still one of my stories so the usual, comedy, adventure main genres, lemon for last. I hope you don't mind there's not a single man in the party right?
Also I'm using fiction net because I'm convinced it's going to be as easy to navigate as fanfiction net. I reserve the right to not publish there if is hard.
Yes I know other sites for publishing original work and no, those are a pain to navigate and my name is no, my sign is no, my number is no. Still sucking hard at internet exploration and I don't intend to feel any shame about it.
Also that site requires information or rather is the lack of information that might give away a fun joke which I intend to laugh at till the grave.
So, next chapter for the first of April is the sneaking quest and Megumin lemon in flashback motion because that accursed Wiz lemon ate too much time.
After that somewhere before the 14 just pass by fiction net if you're interested and look up Axkalaba (is either that or a variation of Leviathan, I always go by those). I haven't opened the account yet so don't bother getting there now (and no stealing my username, unless you want to be named after an old porcelain doll or the beast of envy of course.)
Also I erased all the notes from the previous chapters. I intended to do so as I corrected expelling errors but I'm way too busy with the other stuff now and the long notes where bothering me for a long time now, so I erased them. I'll correct the mistakes when I have the time.
Is not like anyone needs them notes anyways.
And the 14 is the beginning of the next arc at last.
Also following popular opinion, I'll be writing the other story in that pesky normal style. Also I'm using the same stats there but completely to Jago world style… Which I guess it would now be called, Mina style.
If anyone of you was worried about me, you should know better than that by now. The worst thing that ever happens to me, is being busy.
Love you