Chapter 36
Four Songs
Bella's POV:
Valentine's Day. Ukk. It would've been fun if Master was going to the dance with me tonight. But he said, "It's not Halloween, Bella. I can't dance with you in front of the whole school without some kind of disguise on. The staff frowns on teachers and students getting it on."
I hadn't thought of that. Damn. The school was making us all go to the stupid dance again, this time the boys from Ironwood would be there but not as assigned dates. They could ask us to dance, or we could ask them. I hated this forced crap. I didn't want other boys, I wanted Edward.
He laughed as I messed myself up on purpose, hoping it would keep the boys away.
After flinging my hair around and scratching my hands through it, I looked at him.
"Fuck you look hotter now.", he looked amused.
"You're not helping.", I shot him a dirty look.
"Now you look even hotter.", he added, smiling, "Make that face again…"
"Hey I think I have some old suspenders that Charlie gave me once when we painted my room !", I remembered, searching my closet.
Master was growling at Tank as he stood his ground on my bed. He would do this sometimes just to see if my baby was afraid of him. He wasn't. They would growl at each other for ten minutes straight sometimes…or they would stare at each other forever, neither wanting to be the one to look away first. Men.
"Unbelievable.", Master shook his head at Tank, "The rodent doesn't know he's a rodent."
"Stop calling him that.", I snickered, not finding the suspenders, "He's my angel."
"I thought I was your angel.", he shot back.
"No, you're my devil.", I raised a brow at him, "You know that."
"Wait until I have you on that wheel tomorrow.", he gave me a demonly grin, "You'll be begging me for mercy."
"And this is different from every other training session how ?", I asked smartly, "And I don't know why I beg for mercy…I never get any."
He smirked wider now.
"Because I love hearing it, even if it IS a fantasy.", he responded.
"Why don't you go raid Miss Mary's closet ?", he thumbed the door behind him, referring to my house mother, "I bet she's got LOADS of unappealing apparel."
"Not a bad idea.", I said, impressed.
In two minutes we were in her room, Master at the door. He could hear her coming from 8 miles away if he wanted to, but still he was playing guard.
As we tiptoed towards her closet, a thought occurred to me. This was usually Alice's department, although it would be funny to see her find something AWFUL for me to wear. I guess Edward was taking Alice's place now, I hoped he was up to the task. He did a great job with my Halloween dress.
If I had to pick something ugly, maybe I didn't need any help at all. Everyone always made fun of my sense of fashion, even my Mom. But then she was still wearing leggings with the stirrups under the foot and leg warmers, with paint splattered sweatshirts.
"Oh wow.", I grabbed something pink with big ugly colored flowers all over it, showing it to him.
"Oh yea.", he agreed, smiling, "That's the one. Can you believe that was ever a cool look ?"
He slowly moved towards me, lifting the bottom of my t shirt up a bit.
"Why don't you…try it on ?", he asked, his voice thick and heavy.
In a second, the shirt was up and off of me and my arms went up as it floated above me, in his hands.
I had no bra on, since it wasn't a school day. I felt utterly exposed in this old lady's room. There was plants and a quilt on the bed, it was like my Grandma's old room.
"Hey !", I crossed my arms over my chest, "Down boy."
"Mmm", he was pulling down my panties now.
I never got this kind of attention from Alice while we were choosing ensembles.
"Why do I need my panties off ?", I asked, not sure about why I was fighting this.
"Oh yea.", he frowned slightly, "I guess I'm just used to taking everything off you."
He pulled them back up, snapping them as I gave a little yelp and a little pout.
"You can keep them on.", he said, teasing me, backing away, as if he couldn't care less.
"I didn't mean…you can….", I stumbled verbally as he squinted at me, enjoying my unease.
I put on the horrible garment and Master exploded with laughter as he took me in. I looked in the full length mirror and laughed, too. The dress went all the way past my knees to my ankles, my cleavage completely covered, the collar was around my neck. Only my arms were showing. The colors were too gaudy and the flowers way too huge.
"I'd love to tear that off of you.", he lusted even more seeing me in this atrocity.
"We have to return this tomorrow.", I smirked at him, "It might be the dress she fell in love in or something."
"Nobody fell in love wearing THAT.", he assured.
"You look like Honey Boo Boo.", he kept laughing as he came over to me.
"Thanks.", I looked at myself in the mirror again. The dress even smelled weird. It was perfect. But did I have the courage to wear it out in public ? The other girls would wet themselves laughing at me, not to mention what the boys would do.
He was behind me, kissing my neck.
"Come on…let me rip it off you…", he took a little bite and sucked my skin softly.
"Later.", I playfully shoved him off, "IF I don't fall in love with some new boy during the dance, that is."
He got a weird little frown on his face and he looked me over.
"Yea, a boy's going to approach THAT dress.", he snidely cut back, crossing his arms like a little boy. She nearly laughed.
"Aww, did I hurt your feelings ?", I teased back.
"Pick a dress.", he looked at his fingernails, "I'm bored."
"You were supposed to be helping me.", I looked at myself again in the mirror. I don't think I have the guts to wear this one outside.
"I don't think the task is going to be that difficult.", he smirked and looked at me now, and he came into the closet, moving some hangers, looking further.
"Next time I go to remove your clothes, you will not stop me.", he warned, "Is that clear, 317 ?"
"Yes Master."
"And I don't care if we're in church, you will stand there and look happy when I undress you anywhere.", he stated coldly.
"Alright, Master.", I leaned in and kissed his back over his shirt.
"Alright, stand back and let me hunt.", he sounded lighter now, over his little hissy fit.
In the end, we went with some other dress of hers, a gray thing with little pink flowers strewn across it. It was very Little House on the Prairie but it wasn't so ridiculous that I'd be afraid to wear it to this dance. Master forced me to walk to my room naked. I was mortified but there was no one else around that saw me. He must've known that.
Then Master gave me some pointers on how to turn a guy off if one got a hold of me during the dance.
"I think I have that covered.", I joked, now wearing my own clothes again.
"Pay attention.", he reached out a hand to me, taking mine, dancing with me to no music. The lessons were funny. They included, gagging on a boy as if I were about to throw up, sneezing all over a boy, telling him I had herpes, etc.
"I still have to go to this school you know.", I informed him.
I didn't bother to wear any makeup or perfume. By the time I arrived at the ballroom I was so depressed I could've cried. This was where I had the best night of my life, in a romantic sense. I could still see him standing there by the bottom of the stairs, his mouth open as he saw me that night. No man ever looked at me that way before…and probably never would again. I wanted him too much, all the time.
It was getting so I didn't want to brush my teeth without him. That's not good…right ? Is he an obsession ? Definitely. But one that I could see all the reasons for. He was great at everything, he knew everything. He was devastatingly beautiful, but also on the inside too. And he was a devil and didn't hide it or try to act otherwise. I love that most of all.
As I walked in and saw a throng of boys over to my left I turned right, going to the punch bowl. I was glad I had on this hideous dress, it wouldn't be a problem if I spilled some on it.
The ballroom was still gorgeous and it was dimly lit, little twinkle lights all around, red lights hovering around, little hearts, cutting into the dark dance floor. I wished I could dance with Master here. Even just for one song. I missed that night that we danced together. And now I would have to dance with some other doofus. I shook my head and decided that I would not, even if one asked me.
Master had told me to do it, as the teacher chaperones would be watching to see if the girls were being friendly and sociable. He kept trying to show me how to play along and perform my part in front of the humans.
"I do it every day.", he pointed out a couple hours before the dance.
"You DO ?!", I winced at him, "You come to gym every single day with that look on your face like you're about to BITE someone ! That's your clever disguise to fool us all ?"
He grinned at my accusation.
"Well, let me be the first to tell you…", I joked, "It's NOT working."
He was still grinning as he answered.
"I don't have to perform for the students.", he underlined, "I do it for the teachers, the staff. Brat. Besides, you didn't know I was a vampire, either, until I looked right into your face and TOLD you."
"Well, who could KNOW that ?", I huffed.
I DID see him that first day of school, flirting with the lady in the guidance office…and he did seem to tolerate Dr. Carlisle.
"So, if some dork asks you for a dance, just dance with him.", Master suggested, "It's two minutes. Step on his feet a lot. You know, dance like you normally do."
I squinted at him as he belly laughed…I did too.
"I hate you.", I giggled as he put his arms around me.
"Mmm say that again.", he kissed my neck.
"I hate you.", I had no problem with that.
"Again…", he kissed my throat now.
"I hate you.", my voice was getting weaker, softer.
"Again.", he murmured as he moved his lips downward, kissing over my shirt between my breasts.
"Ugghhhh….", I felt a very intense little heat growing there, "I…hate you…so much…"
"Mmmm", he was pushing the bottom of my t shirt up a bit, exposing my waist, his lips there now, icy but fierce.
"I want you to go to that dance with my scent all over you.", he stated with a deep voice, breathing his chilled breath over my skin as I tensed and shrieked out loud.
It was a nice afternoon after that. But now I'm standing in the ballroom, alone, with nothing to do but wait for a nerd to approach me. It was sure to happen at some point. Maybe I'll get lucky and no one will come up to me. Can I hide in the bathroom all night ?
I kept eating grapes and strawberries from the food table. The sodas and chips were staring at me as I walked by them. They were playing the greatest love songs of all time, from different decades. Every song was a love song, even if it was a fast one. That was cute, I guess. I kept thinking how fun it would be if Master was here. I miss Halloween.
Every song made me think of him and that made me more depressed. My brain kept saying, "It's only ONE night…and you'll see him LATER tonight ! Come on, stop it !"
There were a line of girls sitting by the dancefloor, waiting for their own version of a geek to walk up and ask them to dance. I refused to sit there, it was sad just to see them, let alone BE them.
Maybe if I move around a lot, no one would notice me and couldn't work up the nerve to come over. I went with this strategy. Three songs had played and still I had managed to avoid the boys. They were all in packs, talking to each other. Only a few boys had the guts to be dancing with a girl on the floor.
Richard Marx was playing now…Right Here Waiting.
This was from my Mom's time…she loved him and loved this song. I knew the eighties' songs well, she always played them for me.
"Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you.
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now."
Great. Now I miss my mother. I kept seeing her face…feeling her arms around me. It was almost crippling.
I rushed to the ladies' room, pretending to go, just wanting a minute alone as I composed myself.
I washed my hands for real and went back out there…taking a deep breath. Maybe I should just ask someone and get it over with, then go home.
When I came back out there, they were playing something from the 60's that I didn't recognize or care about. I started to look around for a boy that was safe, alone…hunting for my victim.
There was a kid all by himself that was just standing against the wall, a thin boy, with a nervous face on, just like the one I was probably wearing. God, is that what I look like to Master ?
He looks harmless, a kid I would probably hang out with in my old school, a boy who knew all about dungeons and dragons, and every comic book character. I tried to take a step in his direction a few times but I always chickened out.
I was standing by the food table again, getting some more grapes, when I heard it.
"Yes, I've been there many times.", an inhumanly beautiful male voice said, "I like to rock climb there in the summertime."
I looked up and my head was trying to find the source of the sound…he was at the other end of the food table, standing near the wall, a small glass of clear liquid in his hand…water ? I don't think the school would let him drink here.
My Edward. Dressed in a light gray blazer, with a blue sweater and under that a white button down shirt, only the collar visible around his neck. A pair of blue jeans…I couldn't make out his shoes but I knew they were probably nice ones. Very business casual, not too much. I sighed before I knew I was doing it…and my whole chest seemed to relax now.
He wasn't looking at ME, though, and I knew why. Playing his role. A woman was there next to him, drinking something in a fake plastic champagne glass, soda, probably. Did she come here with him ?!
I kept eavesdropping on them, pretending to look at the dancefloor, ignoring him as he ignored me.
Upon further checking out, I realized she was a teacher here…another gym teacher, right. Miss Jenkins, I think her name is. She was very dressed up, wearing a red lace dress. The sleeves were long and see through and the skirt was too short but loose and frilly, almost like a ballerina dress, good for dancing if you had to spin, it looked like that skirt part would twirl and dance right along with you. I wish I had on something like that…only a bit longer. This thing was above the woman's knees even ! A bit much to chaperone a girls' dance, isn't it ?
Her hair was blonde and swept up into a French twist with a diamond thing holding it in place in back. And she had on these killer high heels, also red…they had to be five inches !
The deejay was speaking into his microphone, saying, "This next one is dedicated to Eve – you're the cutest girl in the world – From, you know who !"
These little dedications had been going on all night….it was sweet…at first. Now it was just getting annoying.
The music got loud suddenly and a bunch of tall boys made a big sound on the dance floor, something like "WWWOOOOOO !"
I couldn't see what they were going on about but I got mad that I couldn't hear what they were saying now. Shut up you guys. Jeez.
"I love Todra Gorge in Morocco.", he said with a pleasant voice, but not sounding extremely excited, "And Greece. Phenomenal."
"YES !", the woman agreed enthusiastically, putting her hand on his upper arm as my eyes burned her from behind. She looks like an attractive woman…I can't see her face, though, only his.
He didn't look at her as if he were offended but he lifted his glass to his lips and that made her move her hand off his arm.
I looked down at my shoes, flats, as a new song began to play.
"Wise men say…
Only fools rush in…", Elvis' unmistakable voice rose up into the air, and most of the boys on the floor began to leave…this is an old song. But I was taught all about Elvis, another hero of my Mom's.
"OH I love this song !", the woman clapped a couple times as Mr. Cullen laughed jovially at her reaction.
"Come on, let's dance !", she yanked his arm, making him spill a bit of his water.
I felt my eyes staring daggers now, watching his next move very carefully.
"No thanks, this is the kid's thing.", he tried to sound aloof but still friendly.
"Oh, they won't care, come on.", she pulled his arm again. He placed the glass down on the table and slowly moved after her as she led him to the floor.
I didn't want to be that girl but I felt my mouth fall open as he went with the bitch to the nearly empty dance floor. He took her hand and put his on her waist, very respectfully. He led and they were slowly dancing. They were talking while they danced…and he gave a little shrug of his shoulders and shook his head, smiling, looking down a second, then back as she gave a giggle.
I wanted her dead. I want her friends dead. Her pets…dead. Her stuffed animals too.
Get a grip, I told myself, he's only dancing with her. He doesn't even look into her !
Then came the dominant part of my brain. Have they been together ? He DID say he's been with teachers and staff in addition to the students. She IS really pretty.
Before I knew it, I was racing up to the kid on the wall I was watching earlier.
"Wanna dance ?", I asked as I grabbed his arm and yanked him behind me to the other end of the dance floor.
"Okay.", he answered as we were already there. Now that the kid was in front of me I wanted to take it back…but it was too late now.
We fumbled with where our hands should go. Finally, I hands up on his shoulders and he placed his at the sides of my waist. Then we just stepped to the right…then stepped to the left…back and forth…this was our whole dance.
Mr. Cullen was holding her hand in his and I turned us a bit so I could spy on him better. The boy wasn't saying anything to me and that was fine, he was only a prop in my game.
Mr. Cullen smiled at her as I peeked, then he glanced over my way. I spun my eyes back to my partner and laughed like an idiot at nothing…and I even play tapped his chest. Take that, Six.
God, I'm an evil person inside.
I hoped that Mr. Cullen was getting jealous of me, too…but I doubted it. He's the one who told me to dance with a boy or two. He's probably having fun talking to an adult, discussing his many rock climbing options around the world. I couldn't climb a curb, let alone a mountain.
The boy I was dancing with looked confused but he was dancing with a girl so he lived with it. I felt kinda bad for the kid. It's not his fault I'm fucked up. Then I remembered Master could hear us, no matter how loud the music was. Shit.
"So, what's your name ?", I asked, trying to sound smitten.
"Tommy.", he said shyly, "Tom."
"Nice.", I gave a nod, "I'm Bella."
"Oh, Italian ?", he asked curiously.
"Not really.", I replied.
Then silence. Can I kill myself now ? Just kidding !
Thank God Elvis' voice was loud all around us.
"But I can't help…falling in love with you…
Shall I stay ?
Would it be…a…sin ?" his voice deeply floated above.
Who knew one song could be so long ? This was excruciating ! Now the bitch has her hands in the back of his neck…touching his hair right at the bottom !
He tensed and smiled blandly at her, leaning his head back a bit, breaking her touch there, and he gave her a little spin around, then she was back in his arms again. I did notice there was space between their bodies so that was good. He DID look like he was playing the gentleman…probably because I'm watching. Does he like her ? I couldn't tell.
"Some things…are meant to be…", Elvis sang,
"Take my hand…
Take my whole life too..
For I can't help…falling in love…with youuuu…"
"I like Elvis.", Tom suddenly said to me.
"Yea.", I nodded, "Me too."
More silence. This is horrible. This poor kid.
Finally, the end of the song came and a few people clapped. I yanked away from Tom and said, "Thanks."
I scurried away from the dance floor and went to hide in the dark corner near the bathrooms.
I'd have rather had my teeth pulled out one by one than go through that again.
It took me a few more songs later before I started to look for Mr. Cullen again. He was out there, near the dance floor area, in the other corner, alone, watching the kids dance, just like a good chaperone would. The bitch was dancing now with someone else on the floor, my good looking science teacher.
Yea, bitch, go after him. Mr. Cullen is taken.
Perfect began to play by Ed Sheeran:
"I found a love for me
Oh darling, just dive right in and follow my lead
Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet
Oh, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me"
"Evening, Miss Swan.", someone said next to me and I almost had a heart attack.
He was there, standing a couple feet away, his hands behind his back, his eyes on the dance floor.
"JESUS !", I hissed, holding my chest, "You were just all the way over THERE !"
"Yes.", he sounded confused, shrugging his shoulders, still not looking at me. I did the same, staring out at the couples dancing.
"Having a good time ?", he asked with a very fatherly teacher vibe, as if he didn't care at all.
"Not as good as YOU, apparently.", I snidely shot back, making sure no one was in earshot.
He gave a deep sigh and kept his eyes out there.
"Tom seemed to enjoy himself.", he said, again, his tone very light and not even remotely jealous.
"So did Ballerina Barbie there.", I crossed my arms.
His voice laughed quietly.
"She's a colleague.", he grinned, as if I were being so silly.
"She's a ho.", I let my own venom fly now, "That dress is way too short for her age."
Mr. Cullen looked a bit shocked…then smiled, raising his brows, said, "Wow."
I knew I would hear all about how I needed to work on my jealousy issues. But I couldn't be bothered to care right now.
I nearly started to apologize, then, but Tom was walking back over here. Oh no.
Ed Sheeran sang on :
"Well I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know
She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home
I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets
To carry love, to carry children of our own."
Mr. Cullen swallowed that nervous swallow that he does sometimes…and when I looked at him he looked away. Is he worried about TOM ? Get outta here.
"Bella, you wanna dance again ?", he blurted it out so fast I almost didn't catch it.
"Yes, I do.", I said clearly, going with him but shrinking away when he tried to hold my hand on the way there.
It took guts for Tom to come ask me to dance again, I'll give him points for that.
Instantly, I felt bad that I just left Mr. Cullen there alone. I didn't even say goodbye to him. I hate myself like this. I told myself after this dance to cut it out. I would talk to Mr. Cullen and apologize. I would stop acting like a brat. This would just come with the territory in our relationship…I had to start dealing with it.
"We are still kids, but we're so in love
Fighting against all odds
I know we'll be alright this time
Darling, just hold my hand
Be my girl, I'll be your man
I see my future in your eyes", Ed kept singing as I peeked to that black corner…and he was gone.
My heart cracked in half at seeing that.
I didn't say a word to poor Tom as we did our awful dance…and he didn't talk to me either. The song finally started to end but before it did, the deejay announced a new dedication.
"This one is for 317.", the cool voice said, as if he were reading it from somewhere, "I want to be alone with you…only YOU. Love, M."
I froze and looked towards the deejay area. The normal guy was there who was there all night, a hefty looking guy with black, slicked hair. He wasn't moving. At all.
That's weird. Then I looked at the others on the dance floor…they were all frozen, too, not moving. Even Tom. He just stood there, motionless, looking down at his feet, his hands hardly touching me around my waist.
The music began to play but this was weird. Everyone was still now…like statues…like a movie that had been paused.
I looked at my hands and I could still move. What the hell ?
The song played…a man singing…
"There goes my heart beating
'Cause you are the reason
I'm losing my sleep
Please come back now."
I knew the song…You Are the Reason. I love this one !
Then, from out of the darkness, one person was moving. His silhouette was unmistakable, a dark angel moving slowly, deliberately, going around the humans in our way…coming right to me.
My heart fluttered wildly in my chest as I waited, unable now to move myself.
Now, a woman sang in the song:
"There goes my mind racing
And you are the reason
That I'm still breathing
I'm hopeless now…"
When he got to me, his voice nobly asked, "May I cut in, Miss Swan ?"
"Yes.", I smiled and chuckled, taking my hands off Tom's shoulders.
"Excuse me, Tom.", he said with a friendly voice, and he moved Tom's arms gently, so they were at his sides now.
I giggled at that as he offered his hand, waiting for mine, like last time.
I put my hand into his and he bent down, kissing it, the ice lips delighting my skin.
The man's voice sang :
I'd climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you,
And fix what I've broken
Oh, 'cause I need you to see
That you are the reason."
And he spun me around and I laughed…and he took me into his arms…close…my body pressed against his as he put his hand in the small of my back, his fingers clutching a bit at the fabric of my dress. Now I saw the difference between a polite dance…and this kind.
He let my feet move this time, not on top of his, and he smiled down at me, the crooked smile that always knocked my heart into arithmia. I almost couldn't speak for a second…and he didn't say anything yet, either.
"This is weird.", I looked at the others as he danced me away from Tom, moving us in an elegant circle.
"How'd you DO this ?", I breathed, blinking away tears.
"Stroll through the crowd…compel everyone to stand still at exactly 9:36pm.", he informed, shrugging, "Easy."
I laughed again and so did he. Again, he put me through all the drama when he could've just told me he could do this. What a punk.
"Is this too weird ?", he asked me, his face looked worried now.
"No.", I shook my head and felt my cheeks burn, "It's perfect."
"And if I could turn back the clock
I'd make sure the light defeated the dark
I'd spend every hour, of every day
Keeping you safe.", the man's voice sang just for us.
"I'm sorry.", I peeked up at his dark eyes, "I didn't mean to get so jealous."
He smirked at me with those perfect lips.
"I'm sorry, too.", he said softly, "I shouldn't have danced with anyone but you. You're the only one I WANT. I want you to know that, Bella. There's no one else in my heart."
"I love you.", I almost couldn't breathe as I clutched his hair in back.
The song danced around us, getting louder:
"I don't wanna hide no more
I don't wanna cry no more
Come back I need you to hold me (You are the reason)
Be a little closer now
Just a little closer now
Come a little closer
I need you to hold me tonight."
And he leaned down, closing his eyes and whispering, "I love YOU, Bella."
And his lips took mine…and kissed me with an urgent need as I clung to him tighter. His arms fully encircled me now and held me almost painfully close to his body.
"I'd climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what I've broken
'Cause I need you to see
That you are the reason", the man's voice was soft now.
When I finally came up for air, our noses played against each other as his eyes stayed closed…and he was smiling, as if I dazzled him just as much as he dazzled me.
"How long do we have ?", I asked, not wanting it to end, "Before everyone moves again ?"
He chuckled and answered, "We have four songs."
"Oh.", I answered, still dizzy.
"I can make it longer if you like.", he assured.
"How about forever ?", I joked…kind of.
"Whatever you say, I'll do.", his voice was deep and low.
"Dance with me.", I kissed his chin, "Hold me. Love me."
"Yes, Miss Swan.", he grinned as his hands moved over my hair on both sides, and he kissed me again, softer now.
The next song started to play and we danced, holding each other as the singer's words rose up.
"Let me be your hero
Would you dance, if I asked you to dance?
Would you run, and never look back?
Would you cry, if you saw me cryin'?
And would you save my soul tonight?"
And then Master put his face into my neck, resting it there as we moved.
"Would you tremble, if I touched your lips?
Would you laugh?
Oh, please, tell me this
Now, would you die for the one you loved?
Hold me in your arms tonight
I can be your hero, baby
I can kiss away the pain
I will stand by you forever
You can take my very breath away"
I kept waiting for him to speak to me, to tease me about being jealous of that woman…but he didn't. He just danced with me, and held me. And I closed my eyes, letting it be silent. We didn't need words…we were perfect. And we didn't have to hide…no one could see us. I hated it that we had to hide…but I hoped someday we wouldn't have to.
"Would you swear that you'll always be mine?
Or would you lie?
Would you run and hide?
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care, you're here tonight", Enrique sang on.
We danced on, just like this the whole time.
Next song that played was Shallow…one of my favorites !
My favorite verses, that seemed to be about us :
"Tell me somethin', girl
Are you happy in this modern world?
Or do you need more?
Is there somethin' else you're searchin' for?"
AND:
"Tell me something, boy
Aren't you tired tryin' to fill that void?
Or do you need more?
Ain't it hard keepin' it so hardcore?"
Then after that, a song from the eighties' – Tonight I Celebrate my Love for You:
This must've been his pick. He sang along with it and looked at me, his fingers touching my face as he gazed at me like I was beautiful.
"Tonight I celebrate my love for you
It seems the natural thing to do
Tonight, no one's gonna find us
We'll leave the world behind us
When I make love to you…
Tonight I celebrate my love for you
And hope that deep inside you'll feel it, too.
Tonight our spirits will be climbing
To a sky filled up with diamonds
When I make love to you, tonight
Tonight I celebrate my love for you.
And that midnight sun is gonna come shining through
Tonight there'll be no distance between us
What I want most to do, is to get close to you
Tonight
Tonight I celebrate my love for you
And soon this old world will seem brand new
Tonight we will both discover how friends turn into lovers
When I make love to you
Tonight I celebrate my love for you
And that midnight sun is gonna come shining through
Tonight there'll be no distance between us
What I want most to do, is to get close to you
Tonight I celebrate my love for you
Tonight."
And after that last word of the song, he grabbed my hair and clutched me to him suddenly, kissing me as if he were about to leave me forever. I almost got scared for a second…but then he smiled down at me and said, "Don't worry, I'll always be here…as long as you want me."
I was about to tell him that I wanted him forever, and would always. But then everything moved around us again, as if the pause button was hit and the world went back to normal.
Mr. Cullen was gone and I was standing in front of Tom, my face still flushed from the kiss he had just mesmerized me with. I could still taste him when everyone started to clap around us, as if the song had just ended.
Tom ran off without a word. I glanced at him, wondering if he knew he was frozen for four songs. Probably not.
I walked away from the floor, searching for Mr. Cullen. He better not have left.
It took a little hunting, but I DID find him…eventually…standing alone out on a balcony. No one else was here, it was freezing ! But the snow was gently falling and he was there, so I went.
"You've been caught, Cullen.", I teased, closing the French doors behind me as I walked out there.
He glanced back and saw me, grinning, and he returned to watching the lake…the moon…the forest.
"Wow.", I looked too, "So beautiful."
Mr. Cullen made a sound in his throat.
"Yes.", he agreed, "That's where you died."
The statement was chilling and it took me by surprise.
"Where I died ?", I heard myself ask.
"Yes.", he answered quietly, "You were dead when I pulled you out of the water. But I wasn't having that."
I blinked, stunned by this information.
"God.", I breathed, "Why didn't you just…change me ?"
"You know why.", he looked down.
Yes, it had all been said a few times already.
"Please don't do this now.", I almost pleaded, my voice soft, "Not tonight."
He looked up and took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry, you're right.", he said, sounding better now, and he went into his jacket, taking something out of a pocket in there, producing a little red rosebud with a little bit of baby's breath around it.
"For you, my love.", he smiled now and I was glad to see it. It looked genuine.
I smiled and took it as he said, "Happy Valentine's Day, Bella."
He said it with that melodic voice of his, a sound that could make you faint if you let it.
"I hate you.", I teased, feeling tears come to my eyes. He played me very well, making me think I would have to dance with those stupid boys all night while he was off with some other numbers.
He grinned, liking my response to his romantic gesture. And glad that he had mentally tortured me some more before the dance.
"Thank you.", I wiped my left eye, hating that I was doing this in front of him. I had cried in front of him before, but that was usually because he was hurting me in some physical way.
"Don't cry.", he smiled more, leaning in and kissing my lips softly, only for a moment.
"I'm not.", I lied, wiping my eye again.
"Liar.", he accused with a gentle tone, "I hope you don't find me too…cliché with the rose.", he said, embarrassed, "But I realized that you probably never had a Valentine's Day with anyone before…I wanted to do it right. I messed up your Christmas…"
"No…", I looked at him, wishing he'd stop whipping himself, "It's beautiful. I love this. I'll ALWAYS keep it."
I was staring at Master's jaw at the moment, it was like something carved by talented artists. Coming down from his ear, it made a very sensual dip then curled under and laid sexily along the bottom of his cheekbone, gliding up into his noble chin, a tiny cleft there in the center of it, almost like a shadow.
"This moment would be perfect…if only you weren't wearing THAT.", he looked at my horrible dress and laughed. It was a thrilling sound, and I smiled even though I wanted to hurt him right now.
"I hate you even more now.", I informed, my smile showing that I didn't mean it. But he made me try on those hideous outfits ! He is a very skilled torturer.
He put his arms around me and said deeply into my ear, "Don't worry, you won't be wearing it for long."
Oooh ! Okayyy….
"Why, Mr. Cullen…", I flirted, "You're my teacher !"
"I didn't mean THAT.", he smirked at me, "I just mean that I'll tear it off you and toss it into the lake."
Jerk.
"What will I wear to get home ?", I asked.
"You're always asking me to find you your clothes…", he sounded annoyed, "Even on the first day we met."
"I was new.", I retorted, snuggling into his arms, "And I needed gym clothes. You're the gym teacher, imagine me asking YOU."
He chuckled, recalling that day.
"I had 50 gym uniforms in the locker room that day.", he smiled as my mouth fell open, "I just needed you to suffer a little."
"HEY !", I felt a little anger bubbling up inside me, as I play punched him in the chest, "You are evil !"
"Duh.", he looked at me as if this were obvious, then added, "I can't believe I just said that word."
"Your blood was killing me that day.", he supplied more information, "I needed you to get away a little. I was so close to taking you right there in class. I even thought you were doing it to me on purpose."
I felt my anger ease a bit.
"You were so mean that day.", I said admiringly, doing his voice and eyebrow, "I found my own clothes today all by myself, Miss Swan, I suggest you do the same."
He laughed at my impression of him and so did I.
"You looked so scared.", he remembered, "I almost felt sorry for you. Almost."
"You're a very scary guy.", I knew this was a compliment for him.
"Yes, I am.", he kissed my mouth again, adding, "And don't you ever forget it, 317."
"How could I ?", I kissed him this time.
"Here, darling.", he took off his blazer and put it on me, closing it up so I'd be warm.
"Aww…such a gentleman.", I blushed a bit as he pulled my hair out of the jacket.
"Not really.", he said, "I'm just trying to cover up that hideous garment you're wearing."
He ducked as I really assaulted him then. We were laughing like kids suddenly, and I was making no impact on him at all…but he resisted me…and soon I was against the wall, his hands encircling my human wrists.
And he kissed me…lightly at first…then that urgent, strong kiss began to swirl my mind and heat my body as he opened his mouth and let my tongue wrestle with his. Suddenly it wasn't February anymore. It was very warm.
He was watching me after the kissing and he sounded out of breath, like he needed air. It was a sexy sound.
"Tonight…", his voice was very husky as he placed a small kiss upon my lips, "No chains, no whips…no fucking…just you…"
He kissed my nose, "And me. I want to make love to you, Bella."
I opened my mouth to say something equally sexy…but only a little hollow air leaked out.
"Let's get out of here.", he suggested with a dark voice.
Edward's POV:
"I didn't think THIS is what you meant when you said let's get out of here.", she said nervously, as she held the reigns of her horse as I rode my horse beside her.
"Patience, child.", I raised a brow at her, "Such a little slave to those mortal hormones."
She was dressed very warmly now, along with the new parka coat I had given her for Christmas, along with scarves, mittens and boots, to ensure she would never be out in the cold again without proper attire.
I couldn't help but smile as I watched her timidly handle her horse. I had chosen the gentlest horse in the stable for her to ride. Even now I could hear the horses' thoughts. She was hoping she was not hurting Bella as she moved slowly through the forest. Her name was Poppy. She was an Appaloosa, white with brown spots, a long blonde mane.
My horse, Fire, was bored and raring to go, wanting to run. He was a black mustang.
Not now, boy…later…we're on a date. Behave.
"Are you warm enough ?", I asked her, concerned.
"Yea.", she grinned at me again, "Thanks for the new coat."
Finally, she had a decent parka coat with white fur around the hood, along with green gloves and a nice white Irish wool scarf. She only had the one thin jacket for fall weather and around here the winter was brutal.
"You're very welcome.", I gave a little nod, happy to have someone to give things to. I hadn't given a gift to someone since…my human life ended. I'm glad she was getting better at accepting them. Not that she had a choice.
"I love being out here alone with you…", I found myself confessing, "I can't hear anyone else. It's like…peace."
She blushed a light pink and looked away for a moment, then back.
It was gorgeous out here, the white moon making the snow luminous. It was so quiet…so silent.
"I love being with you, too.", she answered and that made me feel so good. It seemed to erase all the bad thoughts I was having earlier. But that's not right…it can't be…can it ?
I was quiet for a minute or two and then Bella looked at me.
"Are you alright ?", she asked me, "You seem quiet again."
"I'm fine, Swan.", I said in my gym teacher voice, "Just…memories."
She nodded and swallowed.
"You know you can talk to me about it…", she had a serious edge to her voice, "I'm a good listener."
I felt myself shake my head no as I cringed and replied, "No, Bella."
She looked cut by that, hurt.
"I mean…", I began again, "I DO trust you. I know you'd listen…that's what scares me."
Shit. Now I'm telling her I'm scared. Jesus.
"I can't promise I can fix anything…", she looked at her horse's mane and stroked it gently, looking at that, "But I can be there for you…it would help you to talk about it…maybe…get it out."
"I told you everything.", I said curtly, wishing I didn't sound that way.
"You gave me the story.", she frowned at me a bit, "But nothing about…your feelings…"
I repressed a roll of my eyes and made my face seem friendly.
"I appreciate you wanting to help….", I began.
"It's not about that.", she cut me off a little loudly, "I love you and you love me…I want to know you. All of you."
I froze inside and could think of nothing else I would want LESS.
"I don't want you to know all of me.", I said solemnly, "You would hate me. You would have every right to."
She was about to argue again.
"Bella…", I looked at her right in the eyes, "Please…talk about something else."
She looked wounded again and muttered, "What do you want to talk about ?"
Maybe this girl is realizing that I AM a monster after all. Maybe I should let her see me for what I am. She'd be packed and on her way to Forks tomorrow.
She graciously changed the subject then and seemed fine for the rest of the ride. I loved her for wanting to listen to my horrid little tales but frankly I don't have the guts to tell them to her. Mr. Perfect. Me. Yea right.
We talked about Tank and school and the music class. Images kept flashing in my head of my life, my past…
"Bella…", I dared to finally ask the question, swallowing and looking into her eyes, as if they made me vulnerable suddenly, "Are you…happy with me ?"
She frowned, like she had on the balcony earlier tonight.
"Always.", she answered without thinking about it.
She got a panicked look then…and I knew she was thinking that I was about to…once again…break her heart.
"Why—", she sputtered, "You're not—are you saying that – "
She could not even form coherent thoughts when she got scared like this. I hated myself for doing that to her, those things I had said. Those were the darkest things I had ever uttered. And that was saying something.
"Relax.", I said right away, easing her, "I told you I'm not doing that to you again. I'm just asking you…are you really happy with me ? With the way…things are ?"
"Yes.", she repeated, and she looked more determined now, "I told you, yes. I understand the way things are…I'm not asking you to change anything. I know I get jealous. I'm sorry. It's a human thing, I guess. I just have to work this out, I'm trying. If you need me to play with the other girls, I WILL. I'll do anything you want…just please…stop doubting this. I hate that."
"That's not what I was saying.", I shook my head, hating the feeling that she thought she had to rush into sexual play with other girls now to please me, "I know you would do anything for me, I know that. I'm just…"
I exhaled and went silent for a moment. How long could she tolerate this ? How soon would this not be enough for her ? Once she's grown up more…how could I explain to her ?
"My mother hurt me and then said I love you.", I shared, watching her eyes sadden, "And I'm just like her. I don't want to be. Esme was good…so good. She showed me love, real love…I should have turned out like HER, not my birth mother. But when I died, it's like all of Esme died inside me. Or I killed it. I don't want YOU living with a psycho who can't control himself. It will poison you as she poisoned ME. I want to change…but I don't know how."
"Esme didn't die inside you.", she argued softly, "The way you took care of me when I got hurt…the coat, scarf, and gloves I'm wearing, the way you take care of me after we play…the gentle way you touch me…she's still there. I don't WANT you to change. I love you just the way you are."
"How can you say that ?", I asked, astounded, "You WANT me to have sex with other girls? To torture them…and then drink their blood ?"
"Stop.", she almost shouted.
I was shocked at how commanding she sounded in that moment. I actually LISTENED.
"Master.", she corrected herself quietly, as if I would scold her for her volume.
I couldn't find any words. I know she's crazy but sometimes the depth of the insanity shocked even me.
"I don't want to be the reason you change anything.", she informed, "I don't want you to resent me and act like you owe me something. That's how relationships die. I want to be a part of YOUR world. Look, my parents were married…one man, one woman. And we see how that ended up. They were miserable. I don't want to be the nagging, jealous wife. I watched my Mom turn into that and I hated it. Our relationship is going to be different, it's special. I'm alright with that. I will deal with whatever comes with it. As long as I have YOU. Are you hearing me, in there ?"
And she smiled at me from inside her furry hood, the snowflakes twirling around her face…she looked like an angel. My angel. One I surely didn't deserve. But could not turn away, even to make her fly back up to heaven. She wants to live in Hell, with me, because she loves me. This is so wrong.
"You have me.", I said, looking right into her eyes, meaning it, "But every marriage and relationship is not like your parents. Many couples are happy, and have children…grow old together…"
"I know.", she looked away for a moment, then to me, "I don't need all that. YOU are who I love. Our road will go in another direction. But wherever it goes, I look forward to it. And, maybe down the road, some things WILL change on both our sides. But it has to be our choice, not forced."
After that, all my arguments fell on deaf ears. She always brought us back to the fact that we loved each other and that everything would be fine as long as we had that. I couldn't get angry with her for believing that…she's a young girl…she doesn't know. It hasn't happened to her yet. YET.
But what can I do to stop it from happening to her ? I'm part of it, I'm the flame that is attracting her to her end. I can't leave her, I can't extinguish myself…or turn away because then she would freeze…but I also can't bear to burn her, either. But it would happen eventually, the longer she flies closer to me.
"Thank you for today.", Bella said to me with a gentle voice, snapping me out of my thoughts after we put the horses back to bed.
"I'm sorry.", I winced a bit, really hating it that I wasn't my usual self today. What is happening to me ?
"No.", she put her arms around me completely, as if she could shield me from what was troubling me.
"I'll be here.", she promised, "I'm not going anywhere. When you're ready to trust me. No pressure. I want to hear you, if you want to talk. I love you, Master. I love you when you're happy…when you're sad…when you're angry…when you're evil…and good…we're ALL a mixture of a lot of different things…you are no different."
I couldn't help but smile at her. She's so flawlessly sweet and loving. I sighed, glad that I had her as I kissed her hand.
"I love YOU, Bella Swan.", I easily declared.
"I know you're sad tonight.", she teased, "There wasn't even an attempt at doing me in the horse stable."
My mouth fell open. Shit she was right ! What's wrong with ME ?!
"Hey wait.", I followed her out of the stables as she kept moving away from me, devilishly grinning.
"Bella ?", I called her, chasing after her.
"Nope…too late.", she squealed and tried to run away from me.
"It's never too late.", I shot back darkly.
Bella's POV:
We walked from the stables and the little turquoise car was there that Master used to teach me to drive.
"Would you like to drive us somewhere ?", he asked.
I smiled, loving that idea. It was rare that I got to leave the school grounds.
"That sounds great !", I was glad he was letting me drive. I would do anything to get him out of his mood.
He grinned and opened the passenger side door, getting in while I went to the driver's side.
When I opened the door, a little red box was sitting on my seat. I hunched over and looked at him suspiciously as he lifted his eyes up and to the right, acting innocent and failing miserably.
"What's that ?", I asked him.
"It looks like a box.", he sounded shocked.
I sighed and got in the car, taking the box and lifting the top off. It was keys. Car keys with the black plastic fob to lock the door remotely.
My eyes darted over to him and he pursed his lips up, trying not to laugh.
"What ?", I was confused.
He put me out of my misery.
He grinned and said, "I wanted to get you something really nice but you would probably wreck it in ten minutes. I know you love this car so…if you want it, it's yours. It's a good starter car…and later I can get you someth-"
I threw my arms around him and kissed him hard. I wanted to say a lot, like, "This is too much or this is too expensive.." but he thought of what I would want…this car, a cute little car that wasn't perfect. It was perfect for me.
"I love you.", I said as he kissed me back, smiling.
"But this IS too much.", I finally said it, "It's a CAR. The rose was plenty. I don't need all this…."
"You need a car.", he stated, ready for this argument it seemed, "You're getting your license next week. And if you want to go shopping or something you need a way to get there. You will make new friends soon and you can drive them somewhere fun. And you're not going in MY car after you threatened to vomit in it last time. And I feel badly…about Christmas. I should've gotten you something nice then but…I have problems with that holiday."
I had told him over and over again he got me lots of presents for Christmas and that was great ! But he explained, then, that it was God's holiday…and he didn't believe in that. I understood why he didn't believe, and I told him so. I had to change the subject before he got all depressed again.
"And you're okay with me driving out of school alone, to go shopping or something ?", I raised a brow.
He looked torn by this question.
"With my permission, you may drive the car off school grounds.", he informed, "Deal ?"
"Deal.", I answered, as if this was new and my choice.
"Alright.", he buckled his seatbelt quickly, holding onto the dashboard, as if afraid, "Let's go."
I laughed and tapped him in the chest.
"I'm a good driver.", I snickered, "You said so."
"I know.", he smiled warmly at me, letting go of the dashboard, "Drive us somewhere private, Swan. And then to our place."
He gave me that very sexy, crooked smirk then and I knew what that meant.
I saluted and said, "Yes Sir.", starting the car…starting…MY car.
END OF CHAPTER 36