I'm thrown into a loop when I wake up, because I swear that I'm Pallas- Wow, that's weird to say, that doesn't seem real at all- and the girl standing in front of me with a spoonful of ambrosia can't possibly be me.

"Pallas?" I mutter, squinting to try and see her better.

"What? That's my mom," She responded, frowning like my pupils are two different sizes. Athena did that to me before, Pati Triton freaked out when he found out, and we got banned from sparring without an adult around- ..aaand that's not my memory.

I blinked several times, and realised that no, that's not Pallas. Her nose is rounder, her curls are a natural blonde, and those eyes are definitely Athena's. Wait… she's Athena's daughter- why does she look like Pallas' and her's love child?

Pallas and Athena were lovers, Athena would not have taken her death well. Yes, we- no, they were, but this is still a little creepy.

She was waving a hand in front of my face, trying to get my attention as I tried to sort nearly a century of past-life memories into my little mortal- amortal? mortal?- brain in the correct order. As soon as I refocused on her, she started to interrogate me. "What will happen on the summer solstice?"

I- what? Like… the festival decorations? "Kronia? A feast I think? Wha-?"

"No!" She hissed, cutting me off. "What's the summer solstice deadline?"

"Uh, the...harvest?" I replied, feeling like I'm missing some context here.

The sound of someone approaching interrupts us, and she shoves a spoonful of ambrosia into my mouth to shut me up.

Mm, Memeter's seaweed cookies. Ugh, stupid memories, I want mom's blue cookies!

"Annabeth, it's my shift." A blond man walked into the room, and made me blink.

He looks so much like Hermes! Same nose, and cheekbones, they walk the same way but he doesn't have that slight bounce in his heels that all fliers have, gods, the exact same eyes and hair. This is going to trip me up so much… actually, no, he's like 6 feet, and last time I saw Hermes he was 5'4, this is fine.

"Luke!" The girl, Annabeth, jumped and plastered an innocent smile. Luke, a Hermes kid who obviously can tell she's hiding something, lands his eyes on me. I don't know what else to do, so I just wave.

"You're awake." He says, surprised. "Annabeth, go grab Chiron and Ms Jackson."

"But-" Annabeth tries to protest, but wavers under his look. She takes off out the door, handing him the ambrosia bowl.

Huh, a direct opposite of their parents.

"You okay there, kid? You scared your mom a lot- she's refused to vacate the Big House until you woke up." He said, familiar grin on his face, and suddenly I was crying.

It's not my fault, I'm under a lot of emotional distress! And he looks like just Hermes and I miss him, and I miss Triton and Athena and I wanna go home!

"Oh shoot!" He mutters, and awkwardly tries to wipe my tears away. "It's okay- your mom is coming! Uh, please stop? Oh gods."

"Percy!" Mom barrels into the conversation, pushing Luke aside. "Are you okay, baby? It's okay, I'm here, we're safe."

"I want 'pa!" I flung myself at her, "Can't we go home?"

"Oh Perce," She sighed, rubbing my back. "I'm sorry."

I sniffled, fingers curling into her shirt. I feel like such a baby right now, but I want Triton and Hermes to comfort me, and Athena to fuss, and to just be back home. Why did we get chased away? Why is this happening? I never did anything wrong!

A gentle clip-clop made me look up, and I saw that Chiron was kneeling down next to my bed. "Hello Perseus, I'm glad to see that you're awake."

"Hello," I sniffed. "How long was I sleeping?"

Chiron made eye contact with mom, and she sighed. "Nearly 38 hours, baby. You slept through the 2nd, it's the 3rd and 1pm."

"Oh," I muttered, wiping at my face with my sleeve. "That's a coma."

"Yes it is," Chiron nodded. "You had a concussion, and several broken ribs. You got lucky."

"I don't feel lucky," I told him. "I feel drowsy, and my gums itch and burn."

He blinked. "Ah, maybe that's enough ambrosia for you, and you if you feel up to it, you can take the Tour now and sleep through the night."

I looked to mom, and she was just looking expectantly at me. "Okay?"

Chiron nodded, and I was being pulled to my feet. Whoa, dizzy! It's like the first time I went on land.

"Percy?" Mom asks, but I'm already waving her off.

I was a bit wobbly at first, but I downed the glass of water on the bedside table and felt much better. Physically, that is, I'm pretty sure that if someone asks me if I'm okay again then the waterworks won't be over quick like they were two minutes ago.

...And my gums still hurt. Triton wasn't kidding when he said that getting my adult fangs hurt like Tartarus. Wait until you can start sliding them out of your skull again, but your own immune system hasn't readjusted to your stronger adult venom. Oh uh.

Mom noticed my tongue sliding over the red gums above my canines, and I was surprised to be handed Hermione. I shot her a thankful look as I pocketed the teething toy.

Annabeth was still looking at me curiously, even as Luke tried to tug her out of the room.

"Luke," Chiron addressed him. "Could you go set up a space for Percy in Cabin 11, and Annabeth, you go with Luke."

The blonds nodded and ducked out, leaving me alone with the adults.

"Perseus," Chiron began walking towards the door. "Mr D is waiting for us on the porch."

"Right, yes." I said, wondering if I missed something. Who's Mr D?

As we came around the opposite end of the house, I caught my breath.

We must've been on the north shore of Long Island, because on this side of the house, the valley marched all the way up to the water, which glittered about a mile in the distance. Between here and there, I simply couldn't process everything I was seeing, it was like when I was a little girl and escaped with Kore to run through the mortal towns. The landscape was dotted with buildings that looked like ancient Greek architecture- an open-air pavilion, an amphitheater, a circular arena-except that they all looked brand new, their white marble columns sparkling in the sun, like when Kore took me to Eleusis and I saw temples of marble for the first time. In a nearby sandpit, a dozen high school-age kids and satyrs played volleyball. Canoes glided across a small lake. Kids in bright orange T-shirts were chasing each other around a cluster of cabins nestled in the woods. Some shot targets at an archery range. Others rode horses and pegasi down a wooded trail.

My sight flickered between the Camp as it stood and my memories of ancient Greece, and when I finally managed to slot those memories of running wild on land where they belonged, I noticed discrepancies in Camp's layout. Where are the temples? The offering brazier? That amphitheater is roman in style? Are those cabins? They don't match at all, and there's only twelve? This doesn't make any sense.

Mom nudged me forward, and I realised that Chiron had been trying to grab my attention, and a pudgy man that reminded me of a cross between Danny Devito and Jack Black was staring straight at me over his poker cards.

I opened my mouth to apologise, but instead what came out was "Where are your temples?"

"What?" Chiron looked taken aback.

"Your temples?" I elaborated. "Isn't this a camp for the children of the gods? Where's all the temples? How do you honor them without temples? Well, there's altars, but those are small scale for a household, there's more than enough room and people for temples."

The curly haired man laughed, "Oh, he's got a point there, Chiron: where's my temple? I'm protecting this whole camp and I don't even get any offerings!"

I have no idea which god I'm talking to- he doesn't look like any of the descriptions Athena gave me, nor like any of my memories of before- but I understand enough about the situation to be outraged on their behalf.

"No offerings? At all?" My voice turned incredulous, "That's ridiculous! How is this a camp for hellenic demigods and none of them actually practise hellenic polytheism?"

Mom tried to stifle a chuckle at Chiron's offended face. "Mr Jackson, we have moved on with the times and-"

"That's stupid." I crossed my arms, even though that made me unbalanced enough to wobble on my feet. "You don't 'move on' and change a culture to fit with another culture, that's erasure."

"Yes," The god nodded along amusedly. "It is. Maybe if all the brats didn't 'move on,' I could change form easier, but nope. No offerings, no belief, just their modern misconceptions."

Chiron looked like he regrets letting this situation get out of his control. "Mr Jackson if we could just-"

"Oh shush," The god told him. "Obviously the boy is smarter than you, let me deal with this, I like him- actual wisdom this one. What's your name?"

"Percy Jackson," I replied. "And yours, my lord?"

"Of course you don't recognise me." He sighed, almost sad. "Dionysus. Mr D if you really have to."

"Yes my lord," I nodded, and sat in the chair he motioned me towards. Pallas died half a millennia before Dionysus was even born, but I did know enough about him that he's one god I don't wanna piss off unless I'm down for getting tortured to death.

"Right, Percy, you obviously know about us gods, but what do you know about Camp?" He began, sipping from a can of coke.

"The basics," I admitted. "My friend Olivia came here for a summer, but the only times she talked about it is when she was complaining about it. Grover explained a bit about how Camp is like too."

"So you haven't watched the Orientation video?" He waved me off when I shook my head, "Better that you don't, Apollo was throwing a tantrum about having to make it and made it horrible on purpose. And I think he wore his extra short chiton too, just to traumatise campers."

I stared at him. What. This is the son of Zeus that Persephone wanted me to marry? I think he just dislikes the Camp that- wait, what? Oh gods I almost married Apollon. Weird thoughts, weird memories, eww.

"To be quick," Dionysus cut through my internal horror. "You stay in Cabin 11- Hermes' cabin- until you get claimed, and, if you are lucky, then your parent is an Olympian and you move to your actual cabin, if you aren't, then you are stuck in Cabin 11. Chiron will show the cabins to you in more detail soon. Other important facts: I am protecting the camp from storms and other such things, and therefore the Camp is a neutral ground except if my dad decides he's angry enough to break his own rules. Gods don't interfere with mortal lives, and the only time we are allowed is if you're on a quest, which, hope you don't get one, I hated those when I was a demigod."

I opened my mouth to rebut with the official law about interference, but mom put her hand on my shoulder.

"Uh, what else? You have timetabled activities and free time, Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner are in the pavilion, don't go running in the woods without a weapon… what else? Oh! I'd appreciate an offering of diet coke and fruit, but I'll be happy if you have any alcohol on you." Dionysus gave me a smirk, and I, being used to the somewhat dry at times godly humor, laughed.

"Of course," I smiled. "I don't have that, but if I do I shall."

Dionysus grinned. "Knew I'd like you. I should introduce you to my boys, they're only a bit older than you-"

"Mr D!" Chiron interrupted, "You are not to play favorites- introducing him to your children is not allowed."

Dionysus' smile slid off his face, and his eyes dimmed a little bit. "Right."

I frowned. Something… something felt wrong here. Chiron shouldn't be commanding a god, and Dionysus looked… depressed. I itched to figure out the truth.

He waved his hand, and a glass of wine appeared in his hand. "Mr D, your restrictions!" Chiron said.

Thunder boomed, making me flinch.

Some part of me, the older part, knew exactly what that boom meant: "Dionysus, remember your punishment." I swallowed. That was in the Ancient Tongue, yet a thousand times sped up and slowed down and deepened. I already know that Triton teaching me the Ancient Tongue wasn't allowed, but the instinctual knowledge Pallas had that I do too? That… It feels wrong yet right.

He waved it away, feigning surprise. "Old habits! Sorry!" He told the sky, and the wine disappeared.

Thunder boomed again; "I understand, remember next time."

Chiron winked at me. "Mr. D offended his father a while back, took a fancy to a wood nymph who had been declared off-limits."

"A wood nymph," I repeated. Hermes had told me the story ages ago- he really should stop gossiping- and I didn't feel all that bad for him considering said wood nymph was from the sacred garden of Hera and Zeus (a marriage gift from Demeter).

"Yes," Dionysus confessed. "Father loves to punish me. The first time, Prohibition. Ghastly! Absolutely horrid ten years! The second time- well, she really was pretty and nice, and I couldn't stay away- the second time, he sent me here. Half-Blood Hill. Summer camp for these brats. 'Be a better influence,' he told me. 'Work with youths rather than tearing them down.' Ha! Absolutely unfair. He wanted someone to try and remind them about the gods watching over them, and you can see how well that's going."

I nodded along, and resisted the urge to point out that his wife seduced the wood nymph into their bed the second time as a loophole for the first time, and they promptly got caught mid-act. At least Ariadne wasn't punished that bad, she's just got a century working at Olympus' daycare for young immortals and amortals- Oh, that's Hebe's daycare.

Chiron, sensing that I didn't have any questions or weird looks at the story that he can turn into a lecture, turned to me. "Perhaps you should say goodbye to your mother, Perseus."

"What?" I frowned. "Why?"

"Well, your mother is a mortal, and she's been at camp for more than a day now. It's best she goes home now, and we get you settled." He said patiently.

I turn to mom, and she quickly wipes the glare off her face. "It'll be okay baby, you've got your backpack, and I salvaged some stuff from your suitcase- though we'll have to go shopping when you come back. You're all set for camp, I was just waiting for you to wake up."

I stared at her, dismayed. "You'll come back and pick me up if I call, right?"

She smiled, and pulled me into a hug, kissing my forehead. "Of course baby."

I hugged her tightly. "Love you."

"Love you too," She pulled back. "Be good."

"I will," I whispered.

Tears welled up in my eyes as she walked away, but I refuse to cry a second time today.

Chiron's hand dropped on my shoulder. "Should we start the tour?"

A/N

I keep wanting to add *cackles evilly* to my End Notes, but everytime it feels like I read too much 2011 ffnet fic. I haven't, I swear! Anywaysss, I'm back with another chapter, I just got punted back into a 'three day lockdown' (bullshit), and I haven't done my spanish work. Happy Valentines day everyone who is still in that timezone!

So, Percy already dislikes Camp and thinks it's sus, Dionysus is a *great* god and if he looks like that then there are *reasons* like depression fuck you rick, and Chiron is once again not the greatest guy in my fanfics (*cough* I dislike him just as much as dumbledore sometimes *cough* #gaslight #gatekeep #girlboss *cough*). Grover is appearing again soon guys, don't worry, I'm just canon diverging things. Also, Annabeth and Percy are absolutely not on the same wavelength at all, somebody get this boy some context.