Chapter 37

DPOV

I'd waken up instantly, hearin' a noise close by, only ta realize it was the damn horse movin' 'round. It was early mornin' judgin' by the rays of soft light comin' through tha spaces b'tween boards, not quite bright 'nough ta see very much, but I didn' need ta see; I could feel 'er laid out on top of me, one of her small, soft hands under tha collar of my shirt on tha side of my neck, 'n warm puffs of air on my chest through my shirt from 'er breathin'. I could feel every inch of her that was press'd inta me, the way her body shift'd with each breath she took, 'n even her heart beatin'; though it could'a been mine, 'cause it was beatin' so damn hard. I was so warm, 'n even with tha hay we was laid out on stabbin' me in tha ass, I didn' move.

Las' night she'd told me why she flip'd the fuck out, explainin' 'bout all the times she'd been in tha hospital for somthin' or 'nother; 'bout how she didn' like bein' hook'd up to all that shit or prodded by doctors, feelin' stuck 'n helpless when she couldn' even stand up, much less walk outa there. That she'd had some kinda nightmare b'fore she woke, sendin' 'er into a panic attack, 'n not bein' able to walk jus' made it worse. I didn' say anythin', sensin' she didn' like ta admit ta havin' any kinda weakness; but listen'd ta her change tha direction of the conversation ta talk 'bout a few of the funnier things that'd sent 'er ta the ER b'fore the dead start'd ta walk.

I had a hard time picturin' her trippin' over her own feet, when she had so much skill in the woods when she was with me. I didn' really have much ta say, not wantin' ta mention the only time I'd been ta a hospital that I could r'member; one of tha lashes on my back had gotten infected bad 'nough that I'd passed out somewhere in town, 'n I figured someone took me in 'cause I was jus' a kid 'n runnin' a bad fever. They kept me there for 'bout a week, givin' me meds for an infection in my blood, 'n stitched up the bigger wounds even though they knew they wasn' goin' ta get paid for it; they knew I was a Dixon, 'n who my Pa was.

I tried ta leave early on, but the doc caught me 'n told me I'd end up dyin' if I didn' get rid of tha poison in my blood, so I stuck it out, though I knew my Pa was goin' ta be piss'd when he found out. They didn' call my Pa or ask me if I knew where ta find 'em; but the old ass sheriff had shown up lookin' pissed the fuck off as he act'd like he was askin' me questions, but was really tellin' me my Pa was goin' ta beat my ass for this 'n that if I knew what was good for me I'd keep my mouth shut. I'd recognized 'im the second he walk'd in as one of my Pa's drinkin' buddies.

I r'membered the happy looks on the nurse's faces as they watch'd 'im take me outa there, thinkin' they'd done somethin' ta save a 9 year old kid, not knowin' where he was really takin' me. That he'd been friends with my Pa for years, coverin' for 'em ta keep 'em out of jail 'cause my Pa made tha shine he liked ta drink for free. They tried, which was a whole lot different than the res' of tha town that jus' turn'd 'n looked tha other way, but help was tha las' thing I was gettin' that day. I took one hell of a beatin', goin' in 'n out of consciousness, finally draggin' myself up ' ta a cabin I knew 'bout in tha woods with a first aid kit 'n cleaned up tha wounds tha best I could so it didn' happen again.

I don't think she realized everythin' 'round her jus' yet 'cause she didn' seem ta notice tha amount of contact she'd been givin' me las' night. The most she'd touch'd me since she started talkin' ta me again was on the arm from time ta time, but las' night, she'd been sittin' 'cross my legs pullin' on my vest with 'er forearms braced 'gainst my chest. I'd wanted ta pull 'er into me 'n wrap my arms 'round 'er in relief that she seemed ta be ok; but instead, I'd dropped 'em ta my sides, not wantin' ta touch 'er when she didn' seem ta be aware of 'er actions or mine. She'd fallin' asleep a lil' while later after thankin' me for bringin' her out here, still clutchin' my vest in 'er hands, slumpin' against my shoulder.

The hands I'd fumbled with las' night had made their way 'round her in my sleep, one 'round her shoulders cover'd by her soft hair, 'n tha other 'round her waist. The one 'round her waist was makin' me rethink tha decision I'd made ta not move 'cause it was touchin' bare skin, slipped in through tha split in tha back of 'er gown. I could feel tha slight ridges of her tattoos on tha tips of my fingers, 'n tha outline of 'er ribs on the palm of my hand. As I tried ta figure out what ta do, ta move it or not ta move it, tryin' ta reason with myself that I didn' have 'er permission ta touch 'er, but I hadn' done it consciously, her hand near my face twitch'd.

It was too late for me ta decide now… She was startin' ta wake up 'n I didn' want ta startle 'er inta consciousness. I tried ta keep my muscles lax 'n keep from clenchin' my hands up while I waited for her ta react ta our position. The arm she used ta support the back of her head still had blood streaks runnin' down em from tha heal'd wounds from las' night, bringin' my attention back ta the hand near my face. A scar I hadn' ever seen b'fore stood out, 'long with tha tattoo that follow'd it; somethin' I'd said ta Merle all the time after he'd try ta get me riled up, hopin' I'd do some stupid shit with 'im. The tattoo was weird 'nough but the mark it follow'd… it sure as fuck looked like a bite, no not from some dog neither.

I'd never seen that mark or tha tattoo, thinkin' back I realized why. She always wore that cuff thing on 'er wrist, purposely coverin' it. Somewhere in tha back of my head, I'd wondered if Hershel had noticed it 'n come ta the same conclusion I had; that she'd been bit by a person, a full grown person judgin' by tha size. Tha scar itself was strange, 'n didn' look like tha others she had, it almos' shined like tha dew on grass in tha mornin' sun. So many questions came ta my mind, when did it happen, what happen'd, how'd she survive…. 'N more jus' kept comin', how'd she have an exact matchin' set of wings, wings I'd had on my vest for a few years b'fore all this shit started…

I usually let this shit go, jus' acceptin' that she seem'd ta know some crazy shit 'n some kinda ability ta heal herself faster than a regular person, but all this put together… I didn' know what ta think. It was too much ta think 'bout right now, 'n I jus' want'd ta relax b'fore I had ta calm everyone the fuck down when they realize she's missin'; 'n why I wasn' wearin' my boots or coat, 'n her out here in a hospital gown… fuck. I didn' want anyone ta think badly of her, bein' out here in tha barn with me.

I was kinda surprised Hershel hadn' come lookin', knowin' he'd noticed we were gone by now on his nightly 'rounds of the cell block. He'd takin' ta Bella pretty fast 'n I hadn' seen 'im more fluster'd than tha day I brought 'er here all wrapped up in 'er blanket; he'd gotten her all set up as fast as he could but the tremblin' of his hands was noticeable.

She was still wakin' up slowly, somethin' I noticed she did when we was stayin' in tha tent together. Her face had burn'd bright red right along with mine last time we woke up together, 'n I wonder'd how she would react when she realized I was 'er mattress. I'd spent all those nights just wantin' ta see 'er when I woke, wonderin' what it'd be like… what I'd thought jus' didn' compare ta what was happenin' now. It jus' felt so damn good, 'n right; she was tha only person in all my life that I'd want'd so close ta me… I didn' know what ta make of it, goin' from despisin' anyone's touch ta wantin' her to do it all tha time. Pure want… not like sex, though 'nother surprise that I didn' seem opposed ta that either, but just want; want ta be 'round her all tha time.

Her hand moved once more, as she shift'd her leg ta drag it up ta my hip, right 'cross my dick. 'N 'nother problem I hadn' had b'fore happen'd, things started ta swell up as I thought 'bout how I want'd ta run my hands 'long 'er body…. B'fore I snap'd myself out of it. I was surprised by how quick my body reacted to somethin' so simple; luckily my fuckin' balls still ached from gettin' kneed twice las' night makin' it easier to calm myself the fuck down….

I'd been curious, after gettin' over being piss'd the fuck off for what Merle'd done ta me, 'n tried ta figure out what the fuck was wrong with me. I'd watch'd porn on a shitty motel T.V. while Merle was gone doin' whatever the fuck he want'd, tryin' ta see if I could get things ta work like they was supposed to, but with no luck. I tried jerkin' off, 'n yea it felt kind of good, but not 'nough ta want ta keep doin' it or ta get my dick hard. So I'd went with Merle ta a bar a few days later, tryin' ta see if a woman's touch was what I need'd. I'd let some woman talk me inta dancin', surprisin' the fuck out of Merle.

She'd rub'd her ass on the front of my jeans, 'n ask'd if I'd want'd ta get out of here… still not feelin' shit, I nodded, tryin' not ta openly cringe as she ran 'er hands up inta my hair b'fore leadin' me off ta some room in tha back. She'd started workin' my belt soon as the door slam'd shut, while I tried ta talk myself into it… tha woman was pretty I guess'd, her tits were 'bout to fall out of 'er top, what wasn' ta like for a guy… I brought my hands up ta rub 'er tits, surprised how soft they were but still stay'd up like they did, but it did nothin' for me… I tried not ta tense up as her hand sank into the front of my drawers, still tryin' ta make myself react… jus' wantin' ta be normal for once.

But as she squeezed her hand up 'n down not gettin' anywhere, she drop'd to 'er knees, takin' my drawers with 'er b'fore I even realized what she was doin'. Her mouth was on me, 'n it did make my dick a little harder, the warmth 'n wet was different than tryin' ta do it myself; but lookin' down at the woman doin' it, I jus' didn' feel anythin' more. Even closin' my eyes, tryin' ta jus' feel what she was doin' didn' help. She finally gave up, not reactin' like the woman Merle paid, but instead lit a cigarette 'n ask'd "Drugs keeping you from getting it up?" I jus' nodded, "Too bad, maybe next time" she'd said flickin' her cigarette b'fore openin' tha door ta walk out, leavin' me ta yank up my pants while thinkin' everythin' over.

I'd accepted I jus' wasn' normal, but so what if my fuckin' dick didn' work right, how the fuck was it going to affect me. I hadn' like ta be touch'd anyway 'n jus' didn' have the want ta have sex, so what difference did it make if I couldn' get it up. I jus' kept it ta myself over tha years, talkin' ta girls here 'n there jus' ta keep Merle out of my business. Bella though, it was like my blood burn'd for 'er; just dreamin' bout that moan she made when we was kissin' made my dick stand up right, uncomfortably hard in my jeans, it only goin' down as I thought 'bout how it couldn' happen 'cause I'd fuck'd it all up.

I still didn' know how that'd work out, unsure 'bout my own body. I'd never thought much 'bout how I looked, I was jus' what I was, only thing I ever worried 'bout was keepin' my scars cover'd 'cause I didn' want nobody's fuckin' pity or ta answer questions 'bout how they got there. I didn' know shit 'bout bein' romantic neither; hell, I still did'n know how the fuck I was gonna tell 'er 'bout bein' open ta lettin' her decide 'bout what she want'd with me. I need'd her ta know jus' how fuck'd up I really was, my past, 'n all that shit bout sex or at leas'the lack of it so she could 'least have an idea. I didn' know how she'd react ta that, or what she expect'd from me, but I'd let her choose.

Her breathin' start'd ta change 'n she stretch'd slightly as she woke, goin' very still for a moment, prolly tryin' ta recall everythin' from las' night 'n realizin' she was sleepin' on me. She slowly relaxed back into me as I fought ta keep from tensin up when she moved 'er leg back down. She had jus' start'd ta brush 'er finger tips along my shirt over my chest, leavin' a shockin' burn behind 'em that felt so good, when the barn door slam'd open. I reflexively tighten'd my hold on her, my body tensin' for whatever I needed ta do ta keep 'er safe.

Tha tension only drainin' partially when I looked up ta see it was Zach scoopin' up grain for tha horses. Bella had gone still when the door opened, but once she heard tha grain being scoop'd, she'd calmed down; then slowly adjust'd herself ta peer up at me. Her big brown eyes lock'd on ta my already open ones, only ta widen when she saw I was already lookin' down at her. She'd scrunch'd her toes up on tha foot that was tuck'd under one of my legs while bittin' her lip, tha question clear as day on 'er face 'Do you want me to move?'. I gave 'er a small smile, earnin' a large one from her in return as she relax'd tha rest of tha way back inta me; maybe tellin' her all this shit wouldn' be so hard after all.

Zach'd been in the barn throwin' shit round for a while b'fore he came ta the stall we were in, pourin' the grain into tha feed bucket, then grabbin' tha pitch fork ta come toss some fresh hay when he noticed us. My jealousy flared, thinkin' 'bout all tha times he'd been tryin' ta get Bella ta notice 'im along with the sexual comments he'd made 'bout 'er ta some other people at tha prison; I raised my brow at 'em, jus' waitin…'n maybe it was wrong ta let 'em assume shit but the little fucker didn' seem ta understand that she wasn' interest'd, even I could see it jus' watchin' 'em talk from 'cross the yard. He stuttered for a second b'fore speakin' "What's up Daryl?! Didn't expect to find you in here.. hey, who's the babe with the nice legs?" Bella was facin' toward tha wall, but yank'd her leg back under tha blanket that'd fallen off some; jus' barely missin' my nuts causin' my hands to tighten 'round 'er, bringin' attention ta their location on 'er body. I glared at Zach, as he jus' stood there starin'.

I heard 'er breath catch 'n it's shaky release that follow'd, then felt 'er flex a muscle under my hand. Thinkin' she want'd me to move it, I start'd ta slide it out of the slit in 'er gown when she jerk'd 'er knee once more causin' me to grab 'er waist once 'gain reflexively. She relaxed back inta me again, movin' her knee back away from my nuts, 'n I snap'd my head back 'round ta look down at 'er. She wasn' lookin' up at me but at the wall, her face tint'd pink as she drew small circles with tha tips of 'er fingers 'long my ribs, steadily ignorin' my gaze. She'd done that purposely… like she want'd me ta keep my hand there or… "You know, maybe you'll loosen up some now instead of being so serious all the time… Man just wait till I tell the guys, they were thinking you were gay or something.." Makin' me snap my attention back over ta him r'memberin' he was still here, as my muscles tightened in anger; I knew he wasn' a bad kid, but he need'd ta think b'fore he fuckin' ran his mouth.

Bella's hands grab'd my shirt 'n clench'd them inta fist b'fore she turn'd her head ta look over the blanket at 'im "Good lord Zach! Do you think about shit before it just falls from your mouth?! You say that shit to the wrong person one day, they are going to beat your ass for it. Now, could you give us some privacy?" 'n turn'd back towards the wall while mutterin' loudly, "Fucking asshole… fucking rude…" The devastation that cross'd his face almost made me feel for tha kid, but he was assumin' more shit than he knew; but if she wasn' gonna explain it to 'im, then neither was I. "Bella?!" he ask'd in a voice I hadn' heard 'im use b'fore.

Then he turn'd his attention back ta me "You! What the fuck is wrong with you, you sick old bastard. Last I heard from Hershel, she still trying to pull through at the hospital and the second she wakes up you bring her out here to the barn like a fucking animal?! Couldn't you at least wait a few days…" My knife stuck in tha wood next ta his head, cuttin' off whatever he was 'bout ta say next, but it wasn' thrown by me. I hadn' even felt her move, too consumed by the rage that exploded from me when he accused me of hurtin' 'er for my own personal gain.

Her arm fell limp, b'fore she pull'd it back under the blanket slowly; like that had used up all 'er energy, but she still looked piss'd tha fuck off at Zach. "The next one won't fucking miss, you bastard. I asked him to bring me here, not that it's any of your fucking business, Zachary. He's been nothing but nice to you… if I ever hear shit like that about him coming out of your mouth again, I'll cut your damn tongue out." She was bluffin' 'bout the next one not missin', 'cause that was the only knife I had on me when I was sleepin' b'fore she fell on me, but the rest I wasn' so sure.