POV: Jordan

Ring!

The phone ringing woke me up from sleep. I reached around for it, fumbling in the darkness

Ring!

"Yeah, I get it!" I picked it up, pressing the buttons as the white light blinded me for a few seconds. "Hello?" I said, my voice groggy from sleep.

"Jordan?"

"Steven? Its-" I checked the time on the clock on my nightstand. "2am, what are you doing up?"

"I-I know that… I just-" he sounded like he was holding something back, like he was about to cry. "I had no one else to call."

I turned over in my bed, rubbing my head. "Ok, what's up?"

"Jordan-I." The phone went silent.

"Steven?"

"Steven!"

"Shit!" I yelled, rolling off my bed and grabbing the nearest robe I had. Thoughts of Alex flooded my head, seeing him on the floor. Thoughts of Steven started to take its place.

I took the keys off of the holder. "Mom! I'm leaving!" I said as I closed the door.

I put the keys into Richard's car, vaguely remembering how to drive.

You can do this Jordan, you can prevent a death.

Reverse, put it in drive, follow speed limits, first to stop at a stop sign has right of way.

Go!

I sped off into the night, more terrified about finding Steven then the actual consequences of driving without a license.

️ ️

I parked the car near a forest, I could see Steven sitting on the ground with his knees clutched to his chest. His tail wasn't wagging, and the moon light seemed to reflect off of his fur, rather than absorb it like Alex's.

I had a huge sigh of relief, accidentally laying my head on the steering wheel and honking the horn. Stevens' ears perked up, but his head stayed low.

I got out of the car and sat down next to him, the grass wetting my pink robe. The air smelled sweet, perfumy almost...it was cologne. He was always such a happy dog, it really scared me to see him like this. I wondered if Alex had seen this side of him, or if it was just me. I honestly didn't know how to act around him. Was I supposed to be sympathetic? Humorous? I didn't know what to do, so I just patted his head.

"Thanks," he said, although his head was still down.

"No...problem?"

He lifted his head, and I could tell he had been crying from his puffy eyes and runny nose. Why were dogs so cute? Why was I so attracted to dogs?!

"It's about Alex, isn't it?" I said, looking up into the sky and counting each star. He nodded his head and laid it on my shoulder, an act I didn't think he would do with me. "I miss him too, but he's not dead!" A smile crept up onto my face, but I don't think it made Steven feel any better.

He stuck out his hand and flexed his fingers, his shorter than average claws glistening from the moonlight. "Do you ever wish that it was you instead?"

"All the time," I said without much thought.

"Yeah...me too."

Our breaths were visible in the cold November air. "What was it like?" Steven asked

"What was it like?'

"Seeing... Alex in the bathroom."

"Oh…" every intricate detail from the scene flashed into my mind. The blood, the tiled bathroom, Alex on the floor. The chest compressions, the panic, the pain. All of it came flooding back from just the slightest thought of him.

"It's ok if you don't want to talk about it. I just-I just miss him." Steven buried his snout into my neck and softy cried.

"No, pretending like it didn't happen won't make anything better." I sighed and readied myself for the onslaught of emotions, but I couldn't find any pain left in my body. "What was it like? Well, it was horrifying. You never understand how much a blood animal has until you see it everywhere. It was sticky, slippery. Honestly my brain wasn't really thinking the whole time, I was just trying to keep him alive. The only thing I was thinking was 'keep Alex alive'. I guess it worked. Sometimes I think I cry too much."

Steven took his snout out of my arm and wiped his eyes. "Well, we just almost experienced our friend's death. I think it's ok to cry, holding it in doesn't show that you're strong, it just shows that you're scared to show your emotions."

He was right, holding in every emotion only made it ten times worse. Alex held in his emotion, look where that got him? But blaming him was pointless, useless. He was worth my tears, he was worth every single I spent with him.

"Hey Jordan? What you said on stage...well, he's my friend too."

I sighed and stretched out my arms. "None of that was directed towards you. Hell, I even threw myself under the bus too, but none of it included you. We all make mistakes, but you Steven Parker, you might be the most pure hearted animal I've ever met."

He smiled up at me and hugged me tight, his tail wagging against the grass. The world went silent when he cried onto me, everything halting from the innocence being ripped apart.

"I just wish-I just wish it didn't hurt so bad!" He sobbed louder.

Everyone said hugs are just a way to hide how you're truly feeling, hiding your face and saying "you're fine".

"How can I go on living knowing I didn't stop him?! I could've stopped him! If I just paid more attention! If I just looked closer!"

"Steven, it's ok, he's alive."

Steven pulled away, tears falling down his face. "But we wouldn't be in this mess if we just looked closer!"

"He never told us, he didn't want to bother us with his problems."

Steven stood up, his hands shaking. "Why!? Why didn't he want to tell us!?"

I stood up and held his shaking hands, feeling his soft hands. "I don't know, we should ask him when he wakes up."

"What if he doesn't wake up?" He whispered. "What if stays like-like-"

"Steven, he's fine. Tomorrow I'll take you to see him, it's peaceful in there, like you could say anything and nobody would judge you." I thought about how I confessed my feelings towards Alex in that hospital room. I think I only did it because I knew there would never be the perfect time.

️ ️ ️

The sunrise crept across the horizon, finally giving us the light we so desperately wanted. I sat with my knees clutched to my chest, my arms wrapping around them. Steven was asleep next to me, his hands resting on his chest, his legs kicking in his sleep. I wanted us to stay there forever, just feeling the soft cold grass against our fur, the ever increasing warmth of the sun. But I knew it wouldn't last long, Steven would eventually have to wake up, and we would have to leave this peaceful place. I just wanted to enjoy it just a little bit longer.

"Steven?" I whispered towards him, his ear twitched, but he didn't wake up. I poked his shoulder and booped his nose, but he didn't move. I shoved his body over and he shot up.

"W-what!? What's wrong?!" One of his ears flopped over and he turned to look at me. I couldn't help it, I just had to laugh, which only made him get angry. "You're evil."

I shrugged my shoulders and giggled. "Good morning sleeping beauty." I turned my head towards the rising sun and shut down when a red SUV became ever closer. "Oh no."

"What?" Steven said, looking in my direction.

"My mom is here."

I stood up, I knew there was no getting out of this situation. Surely she wouldn't get angry at me if I told her the truth. Surely she didn't think I was staying out late with a guy, a German shepherd no less.

No, she wouldn't get angry, Mom wasn't like that. If I had a good reason, who would've understood. But still, the fear of being in trouble-of getting in trouble, made its way into my mind.

Mom parked the car and opened the door. Her arms were crossed across her chest, and she stared right at me. Steven was frozen too, neither of us knowing what to do. Didn't help that he had taken his shirt off before he fell asleep. He fumbled around the ground for it as Mom moved her eyes from me, to him, her tail flicking in the air.

"Took me a while to find you guys here, hid pretty well," she said.

"Mom, I'm sorry. It's just-he called me and then-I got worried and next thing you know-"

She cut me off with her hand. "You don't need to tell me the whole story, I know you wouldn't just leave if you didn't have a good reason."

Steven stood up with his shirt on backwards. "I'm so sorry Mrs. Anderson, I just called Jordan cause-cause-"

"Cause he didn't have anyone else to talk to," I said, interrupting him and standing front of him, like I was defending him from a lion. "He called me late at night, and-I don't know, I thought about Alex and how I didn't look close enough. I knew I just had to do something-anything! I couldn't just leave him here!"

Why was I getting angry? Mom wasn't mad at me, nobody was accusing me of anything, I had no reason to get angry.

"Jordan," Mom said with a giggle. "Honey honestly, it's ok. I understand, you don't need to get all worked up over it, A simple complication, a simple miscommunication leads to fallout."

She looked towards Steven, his backwards shirt, the sleep still in his eyes. "It seems Alex has a good fan-club." She unlocked the car and motioned her head towards it. "C'mon, let's go see him."

"Don't you think it's a little early for that?" Steven said.

Mom shook her head. "It's never too early to visit a friend. I'm sure he would love to see you Steven." She smiled at him and got into the car, blaring the horn at us.

️ ️ ️

I led Steven by the hand towards Alex's room. His hand was shaking as we walked through the hallways of the hospital. Animals looked at us like we weren't supposed to be there, that we were taking up space. Alex's mom had already figured out how to allow me to see Alex. She made it so friends could always see him, no matter what time.

"Are we sure we should be here?" Steven said as I pressed the buttons on the elevator.

"Well yeah, we're friends with a wolf who tried to kill himself. Maybe they're thinking about how horrible we must be to bring him to the brink of death." I laughed in the cold metal elevator, the scent reminding me of blood.

"What's he like? Does he look dead?" Steven said, holding onto the bar in the back.

I gave him a confused look. "He's Alex. He looks just like you think he would look."

"But...doesn't he look dead?"

I pursed my lips as the door opened, allowing a gazelle to enter, who gave us a questionable look. "He used to," I said out loud for the gazelle to hear. "But he's doing fine now. Took them awhile to get his breathing under control, so now he doesn't wear that weird mask thing."

"What about?" Steven traced two lines across his arms.

"They're bandaged up, you can't see anything. Although, I don't think I'd want to."

The elevator door opened again and we walked out together onto the fifth floor. It was weird to be back in the hospital. Maybe it was because I had someone new with me, someone to see Alex with me. Sometimes when I would go in, his family was in there with him. His mom always tried to invite me to say, her eyes pleading for any animal other than an herbivore. I would chuckle and say I had something to do, leaving disappointed. Sometimes I would bring him flowers, the nurses always liked it when I did that. I would overhear conversations about him from the nurses, they never spoke bad about him, which was interesting because they were herbivores. Most of the time, they talked about me, always being by his side. Made me feel like I was doing something right.

"Now's not the time to be sad though. Our friend is alive, and we're about to see him," I said cheerfully as I lightly walked through the hospital hallways. I was excited to see Alex again, hopefully without any other distractions, and I was glad Steven was with me. He was another who even after small encounters, I considered him a friend. He was just so easy to get along with, and kinda cute too.

I stopped at Alex's door, hesitating as I put my hand on the metal handle. "This is his room...no matter how many times I think the scene is erased from my mind, it's not." I opened the door and smelled the fresh scent of laundry and flowers. A cool breeze came from the open door, and Steven and I walked in together."

Steven stopped at the foot of the bed, digging his claws into the plastic bed frame. I put my hand on his shoulder and he released his grip, sighing into the air.

"He's going to be ok," I said. "Look." I picked up Alex's hand and folded it into mine, there was a gentle squeeze. "He's semi conscious, the doctors said he'll be waking up soon, although they don't know when."

I gently placed his hand back onto the bed and Steven grabbed it, staring into Alex's closed eyes. He threw his arms around Alex and began to cry softy, whispering things into his ear that I didn't hear.

I sat down in the chair, watching as Steven finally let out all of his emotions onto Alex. It was weirdly therapeutic to be with Alex. I could talk for hours, nobody would argue back, nobody to tell me my opinion was wrong. Just silence, and Alex's slow breathing, the consistent beeping from the machines.

Steven finally stopped and laid his arms across Alex's chest, laying his head down on them. I tapped his shoulder, but he was asleep, both of their breathings were in sync. They were perfect for each other.

I was tempted to leave the room, to allow Steven and Alex to be together. They were better friends to each other than I was to them, they needed to spend time together. But as I saw Steven sleeping peacefully with his ears twitching and tail wagging softly, I felt my eyes begin to drop and the world turned a comfortable black in the cold hospital room.

I woke up to the sound of the toilet flushing and someone sitting down. When I flicked my eyes towards Alex, Steven was gone, and the window outside showed a midnight sky. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, a figure standing just off to the side. It was Alex's mom, always looking like she was out to lunch with a very important client for her business, even if she was a preschool teacher.

"Sorry to wake you," she said, sitting down on the chair in the back of the room. "Steven was his name, right? He left a couple of hours ago. I asked him if he was going to take you home, but he told me to just let you sleep."

"Oh...right, Steven." I chuckled to myself and imagined him sleeping on Alex, his tail wagging and legs kicking from sleep. Canines were so weird.

"You like to come here a lot, don't you?" she said looking towards me with a smile.

All my life I had thought of deer as this horrible animal that only wanted power. But when I looked at her, everything about that perspective changed into something sweet, heartfelt, and kind. His mother was something special, willing to sacrifice everything just to have the son she knew was destined for her. Having a fawn was out of the question when his sister was born, she had set her sights higher, to something that would make her stand out, but could change everything. True, an herbivore adopting a carnivore was a scary fact to think about. They had to teach them how the world works, but you only saw it through an herbivore's eyes, never how the carnivores saw it. Alex had to witness the world being the outlier, the outcast.

"Yeah," I said into the air. "It's strangely...peaceful."

She sighed and rested her hand on her cheek, her brown fur being illuminated by the dim lights of the hospital room. "Sometimes I wish I hadn't adopted him, that maybe his life would've been better if he didn't grow up in an herbivore household, didn't grow up with deer all around him. If I had known he would feel this much pain, this much hatred towards himself, I never would have considered it." She sighed again and scooted her chair closer to Alex, running her hands through the fur on his face and scratching his ears.

"Sorry," I said getting up. "I'll leave you guys alone."

His mom stood up as I passed by her and put her hand on my shoulder. "I heard what you said to him...thank you."

What I said to him? Oh, she heard my confession.

"It's...not the right time. It's clear he doesn't love me, but I love him back." I sighed and headed for the door.

"Jordan, please, stay. He needs his friends more than he needs his family. He needs animals in his life that aren't herbivores."

I smiled at her and looked towards Alex. Even in sleep, even in a close to death situation, I still loved him. "Don't throw yourself under the bus, you're doing the best you can as his mom. His life is hard, I don't know if it's going to be easier. But I'll do whatever I can."

She hugged me, her tiny body barely reaching my chest.

86,400 seconds in a day. I swear most of them have been a waste. I feel them come and go, bury my mistakes. But time just goes on and on in a way.