Note: Though the music never ends, it goes on and on and on and on...
Once Upon a Time, there were Two Brothers who ruled over the land as Gods.
The God of Light, kind and nurturing, created life in the world, bestowing upon a barren landscape nature of all kinds and species.
The God of Death, vicious and conniving, created the Grimm, creatures of death and destruction that sought to annihilate all within their path.
For eons, these Brothers feuded with one another, each the polar opposite seeking to stop the other's goals. However, at one brilliant point in history, the two agreed to put their animosity aside, and work together to create one harmonious being. Thus, Man was brought into existence, the perfect creation of both Light and Dark, capable of the love and destruction of both. The Gods ruled over Man until a fateful series of events led them to destroy Humanity and flee from the world, promising only to return if Mankind could resolve its eternal differences.
That is the story of the Lost Fable.
It left some stuff out.
How did it leave things out? History has a funny way of crafting itself in the favor of the victors, and the Gods of Light and Darkness surely were the victors in the great battle that occurred early in the days of Man. Yet all truths, no matter how small, have a way of inevitably finding themselves crawling back into the light, ready to be unearthed for a new generation.
So, what was the truth of the Gods? What was the story that malicious forces sought to bury for thousands of years?
It began with an explosion—and the birth of Four Beings.
The first two spawned into the world were Two Brothers, golden and violent. Within mere moments of their creation, their consciousnesses were fully formed, and the duality of their nature was firmly understood. Time works differently for Gods; in what Humans could only comprehend as seconds, a God's thoughts traveled and lived for millennia. They quickly named themselves and their divine purposes.
The God of Light: a being of purity and cleverness, who sought to bring life to the world.
The God of Darkness: a being of malevolence and viciousness, who sought only death.
It was within fractions of a second that they came to hate each other, and immediately began work on their creations. They were determined to destroy each other.
That, however, became quite complicated—just a few more fractions of a second later, a third being burst into existence.
Barely formed and curious, the third being, a female whose skin was as red as blood, began inquiring about the others.
"So, you're the God of Light?"
"Yes," said the God of Light, busy making life.
"And you're the God of Darkness?"
"Yes," said the God of Darkness, busy making death.
"Well, then, what does that make me?"
The Two Brothers had no time to assist the floundering being in her quest to find meaning in an otherwise empty world. They were distracted with their own hatred towards one another to care about her, leaving her alone to find purpose and a name for herself. But what should she identify with? It was quite difficult to think, especially as nothing else existed at the time except for her. She concluded that she should model herself after the two beings that she considered her Brothers. If one was Light and the other was Darkness, then to her, her identity seemed quite clear.
"I shall be the Goddess of the Grey," she declared gracefully. "While the Light shall always burn bright and the Dark shall always consume, I shall inhabit the middle ground of the realm. I represent all that may cross between and walks neither path, the necessary balancing point for all. With this power, I shall create beings capable of both good and evil, light and dark, compassion and selfishness, charity and greed, love and—"
Yet, in the brief seconds she was gathering herself, a fourth powerful being exploded into existence beside her. It was another female creature, blue and slender. The Goddess of the Grey seemed surprised by the fourth being, while the Two Brothers continued spawning in a variety of creatures all over the empty plane that would eventually be transformed into Remnant, too consumed in their passions to care. The Fourth Goddess looked at the other three beings, inquiring about their identities.
"He is the God of Light, and he is the God of Darkness," said the Goddess of the Grey. "I am the Goddess of the Grey. I represent the middle ground between them."
"I see," said the Fourth Goddess. "In that case, I shall be…um…"
It was then that the Fourth Goddess and the Goddess of the Grey noticed a problem.
"Wait, what am I supposed to be?" she asked, confused. "If he's Light, and he's Darkness, and you're in the middle, then where do I fit in?"
"Oh. Uh, I'm not sure," admitted the Goddess of the Grey. "I guess we didn't plan our names based on there being four of us. Perhaps you can be the Goddess of All Colors?"
"That doesn't fit with the scheme, though," said the nameless Fourth Goddess. "Light and Dark work together, and naturally, there must be something in the middle. But, where would All Colors fit in? Am I also just in the middle of them, or am I, like, all of you together? What does that represent?"
"I'm not sure. Diversity?" suggested the Goddess of the Grey.
"But diversity between light and dark is just grey, and that's just you. Should I just be you?"
"Be me? You can't be me. I'm me! I'm the Goddess of the Grey!"
"Well, could you be the Goddess of the Light Grey? And I could be the Goddess of the Dark Grey?"
"What? How would that even work?" asked the Goddess of the Grey. "I represent Light Grey things? As in, concepts that are around eighty percent good, but have a little bit of a bad side?"
"I…I guess?" said the still-unnamed Fourth Goddess, who was now feeling quite unsure of herself. "Perhaps we should just ask the boys if they would like to pick different things to represent altogether."
"That's a good idea," said the Goddess of the Grey. She was not entirely happy that she had to give up the title she just made up for herself, but there were no shades of grey when it came to the importance of internal consistency. She called out to the Gods of Light and Darkness, who were mostly ignoring them as they set about filling the planet with their creations. "Excuse me, Brother? Would you be interested in maybe changing our titles around? She doesn't have any room to fit in our current naming system."
"That cannot be helped," said the God of Light, too busy making life to even face his Sisters. "I have already done too much good for the world to give up even an ounce of my responsibility. This burden is mine alone to bear. I cannot abandon it now."
"But Brother," said the Goddess of the Grey, "she is our family. We have to include her."
The God of Darkness responded in kind. "Fuck off, you worthless cretins. Leave me to my work."
"But—"
"Also, your name is stupid."
"What?" said the Goddess of the Grey. "I'm the Goddess of the Grey! I am the perfect middle ground. What's the problem?"
"First of all, you aren't grey. You're red. You should be the Goddess of the Red," said the God of Darkness with a mocking snicker.
"But...but…" the Goddess of the Grey stammered. "What is red supposed to be symbolic of?"
"That's another thing," said the God of Darkness. "Grey is the middle ground between black and white. We are Darkness and Light. Completely different concepts."
The God of Light shrugged. "He technically has a point. While Light and Darkness can be symbolized by black and white, it is a little strange to refer to their middle point as grey. Perhaps the Goddess of Light Shadow would suit you better?"
"But—"
"Or the Goddess of Unoriginality," laughed the God of Darkness.
"That is also true," said the God of Light. "You are kind of riding our coattails here."
The Goddess of the Grey yelled at them. "Hey, I'm just trying to establish consistency here. Why can't we pick something that works in pairs of four? Like cardinal directions. We can be the Goddesses of East and West, and you can be—"
"Don't care. Moving on," said the God of Darkness, promptly ignoring their cries. While the God of Light did not enjoy listening to his Sisters suffer, he ultimately did not know them well enough to care either. How could he? They had no distinguishable characteristics, unlike him and his Brother, the Gods of Light and Darkness. They should have come up with characteristics when they had a chance, and that wasn't his fault. The Two Sisters were left alone and watched as their Brothers went about creating all of the life and death on the planet. It was rather heartbreaking watching all of the things that they could have created on their own instead being spawned by their Brothers right before their very eyes. Yet, somehow, it also inspired a passion deep within them.
Perhaps it was the design of fate that the Sisters would ultimately end up hating each other. When their Brothers were exploded into existence, it took less than a microsecond for them to realize that they despised one another. Yet, due to the cruelty and carelessness demonstrated by those very same Brothers, a strange thing happened on the Day that All was Created. Between the Sisters whose inclination was to be one another's opposite, a deep bond was formed. With their individual identities wiped away, they instead found strength and trust within one another, and they came to realize two very important things. One: they were the only beings that they would ever be able to fully trust and care for.
Two: Men were total dicks.
The names they eventually chose were the Goddess of Love and the Goddess of Hate. This drew no small amount of mockery from the God of Darkness.
"Love and Hate? So you're literally just copying us again."
The Goddess of Hate took some offense to that. Love and Hate were entirely different concepts than Light and Darkness. As anyone who was ever in love could attest to, love was simply as pure as light, and hate was not always dark and miserable. They were two sides of the same coin rather than polar opposites, and the Goddess of Hate quite hated that the God of Darkness would reduce their identities to such petty terms.
The Two Goddesses realized rather quickly, however, that despite their eagerness to prove themselves, they could not match the speed at which their Brothers created things. The God of Light was exceptionally good at creating species, and the God of Darkness was outstandingly good at murdering them as soon as they were created. Without being able to engage themselves in this war, they soon found other things to preoccupy their time. Though the Brothers were interested in birth and death, they weren't that interested in creating a worthwhile habitat for their creations to exist in. So, the Goddess of Hate expanded upon the world around them. She created mighty typhoons capable of great destruction, and gorgeous starry nights for the animals to gaze upon before they fell asleep. She made the world a more beautiful place. She may have been a Goddess of Hate, but that didn't mean she had to hate literally everything all the time.
The Goddess of Love dedicated her time to studying their own history. How did the Gods come to be? It was an eternal question, and it was something she was determined to solve. She also decided to start learning more about the rich kingdom animals that the God of Light created. Her Brother had a tendency to create and move on, immediately discarding his latest creation in favor of whatever new idea crept into his glowing skull. A rabbit? How cute. But what's cuter? A puppy. Now there were puppies. But puppies needed an enemy, so then there were kitties. Did he care how these beings were supposed to survive, how they would interact and thrive in his world? Not particularly. Someone had to learn about these poor creatures, and who better than to care for these creatures than a Goddess of Love? She documented their behaviors and kept careful notes about how they lived, learning much about them in the process. There was always something to do; the God of Light created tens of millions of species, and each one was a fascinating collection of characteristics for her to learn about. She learned about all sorts of mortal activities, things she never would have done as a God. She learned about eating, and sleeping, and running, and lots of fun animal things.
And then, one day, she learned about something else.
While still struggling to understand how the Gods themselves came to exist, she suddenly discovered that more animals could be created even without input from the God of Light. The animals would create themselves. How incredible! She witnessed it first with two deer. One, a lady deer stood perfectly sphere, exposing her lady parts, and then another, a male, would walk up behind her and start performing a process that was very strange to her. It looked half like the two animals were intimately hugging each other, and half like the male was violently stabbing the female down in her bits. Half-hug, half-stab. Very peculiar. The Goddess of Love didn't know what to call this process, so she made up a term.
She called it, "Ferocious, Ugly Cuddle Knifing"—or "fucking", for short.
Much to the Goddess's surprise, the vast majority of the animals in the world went about fucking each other. Not just the creatures from the God of Light, but even the Grimm, who pounded away at each other with their engorged Grimm genitalia. It was a brilliant idea. Why bother making every single animal when they could automate the process. Still, how exactly did it work, and why did all these animals want to do it all the time? When she approached her brother about this, he dismissed the question flippantly.
"The complicated process of animal reproduction is something I don't have time to explain to you," he said, notably irritated. "It would take so long to explain what gametes are that I think it would suit all of our time better if you just left me alone—oh, dammit, he's sending more Grimm now? Can he not leave me alone for a single day?"
Being dismissed by the God of Light, the Goddess of Love realized that her opportunity to learn about the process of fucking was extremely limited. The God of Darkness would not tell her anything, even if it meant spiting his Brother. Yet, the Goddess's curiosity was endless. She would not be stopped in her quest to learn more about this purest process of love and hate, hugging and stabbing, cuddling and knifing.
And then, she was struck with a most wonderful revelation. She immediately rushed to meet her Sister.
"I believe that we should fuck, Sister," said the Goddess of Love.
"Fuck? The two of us? Why would we engage in an action reserved for mortals?" asked the Goddess of Hate.
"Because it an action most represented of our truths, Sister," the Goddess of Love explained. "It is penetration, and inherently violent act, performed as an act to achieve love between two creatures. I must learn more about this strange process, and there is only so much I can learn from simple observation."
"I am no so certain about this, Sister," said the Goddess of Hate. "An act of intimacy seems quite unseemly."
"An act of violent, forceful intimacy. Imagine stabbing me over and over again. Would that not be wonderous?"
"Hmm. Possibly. Yet I have more questions. How would we even fuck each other? What I am supposed to be penetrating you with?"
"Sister, we are magic! We can summon any creation we desire into existence! And here is what else…"
One can imagine how that conversation went. There were a lot of details to work out. They would be the first intelligent beings to ever fuck each other, and there was valuable information to learn from such an experience. Was such an act even moral? Not because of their strenuous connection as Sisters, but because of the sanctity of themselves as righteous, immortal beings? It was an impossible question to answer, yet the Goddess of Love was determined to see it through. With some mild convincing, she was able to lure her Sister to her views. They had decided.
They would have "fucking."
They set the location: the top of the tallest mountain in the entire world.
They settled on the length of the Goddess of Hate's penetration device: eighteen inches.
They settled on a time: midnight.
And at the requisite time, at the requisite place, with the requisite procreation materials, they settled themselves into place, eager to learn what it was about this sexual intercourse that motivated every living creature on the planet.
"Okay, spread a little wider, Sister."
"Like this?"
"Yes, I believe so."
"All right, Sister. Begin the penetration."
"Yes. Let's see. Um…"
"I think you should just ram it in."
"I'm not sure about that."
"You have my permission. Ram it in."
"Oh, your permission was irrelevant. I just don't think this hole is appropriately sized."
"It isn't? I believe I got the proportions right."
"You're mistaken. See, if I put my finger in here…"
"What? What do you—oh, Sister? Try the other hole."
"Other hole? What—oh, this hole."
"Yes."
"Why did you have the other hole?"
"Everyone else has one of those. I thought it might be useful somehow."
"This is a very strange process."
"Just place it in, Sister."
"Okay. Here I go."
"All right…"
"Almost there. Now's the tip…"
"Ahh, okay. I'm feeling it. Not understanding it yet."
"Well let's put a little more in."
"Okay."
"A little more."
"O…okay…"
"A little…"
"Yes…"
"Little…
"Yes…"
"Yes."
"Yes."
"Yes!"
"Yes!"
"…"
"…"
"Ohhhh."
"Yeah. Yeah, I get it now."
"Sis?"
"Yeah?"
"This is good."
"This is good."
The fucking of the Two Sisters was a powerful event, causing seismic shifts over the planets. As the Goddesses railed each other, thunder cracked over the world, and tsunamis splashed against coastlines, destroying forests and biomes with such ferocity that the entire world quaked with their presence. Countless species were lost, swallowed whole by the earth, or consumed by ravenous flames as the Goddesses fucked each other, abandoned by the cruel waves of history. The stars bent out of shape and malformed, and the landmass of the world broke into pieces, splintering off into continents across the vast ocean.
The power of their sex was so intense that even the Gods, often lost within their eternal brotherly feud, were forced to take notice of the rapid changes around them. They reunited and traveled quickly to the highest point in the world, desperate to discover what was causing such colossal changes to their world. Before they arrived, an immense explosion of brilliant light rippled across the planet, nearly destroying the Gods in the process. Though their strength remained, they became incensed at the threat to their power, and they were determined to eliminate their new enemy with violent fervor.
When they reached the top of the mountain, however, they merely saw their Sisters, cuddling with each other in a pile of smoke and rubble, calmly smoking some cigarettes.
"Hey, Bros," said the Goddess of Love. "What's shakin'?"
"What is the meaning of this?" the God of Darkness asked furiously, morphing into his dragon form. "What are you doing?"
"We fucked," said the Goddess of Hate, the cigarette sticking out of her faceless face.
"You did…what?" asked the God of Light.
"She stuck a penetration device into my lower parts and pumped rhythmically," explained the Goddess of Love. "And you know what? It was rather wonderful."
"Extremely wonderful," said the Goddess of Hate.
"You know what?" said the Goddess of Love, feeling inspired. "This fucking was so good, I feel like we should engrave the word in our lexicon as not just an act, but a descriptor for all wonderful things. Now, when something is very wonderful, it shall be fucking wonderful."
"But it also hurt you quite a lot, which I enjoyed," noted the Goddess of Hate. "Fucking should also be a term for bad things. As in, 'Hey, this genocide is fucking awful.' What do you think?"
"Perhaps it should just be a general term for very intense things. 'This soup is fucking hot.' What about that?"
"Sounds nice."
"Agreed."
The God of Hate, furious, rose up into the sky and released a terrible roar. "Enough of this! You dare partake in a sinful act intended only for lesser mortals?"
The God of Light transformed into a dragon as well, hovering over the Sisters as well. He gazed down upon the Sisters in disdain, though in their afterglow, neither of them seemed to care.
"You have forsaken your role as Gods of this world to partake in acts unbefitting of your stature," he claimed, disgusted. "What do you have to say for yourselves?"
The Sisters looked at each other and shrugged.
"That'd we do it again."
"Many times."
The Brothers growled in rage. They were beings of the highest order, and half of them were engaging in acts of penetration and orgasm? It was absolutely disgraceful to their existence. How were they supposed to maintain their superiority when they could not even resist the most basic of mortal urges. However, their rage had not yet reached its peak. Though they were stewing in resentment, they did not fully understand just how much the Goddesses had ruined their integrity. They were in the midst of contemplating the punishment they would bestow onto their Sisters when they suddenly heard an infant cry ring out amidst the smoke. The Four Gods looked around in shock, searching for its source. After a few moments, they finally noticed an outline within the smoke, and when it made itself clear, the Brothers gasped in horror.
It was a creature, made in the image of the Gods themselves. A weak, feeble thing that had the shape of the Goddesses, large breasted and gracefully feminine, yet pathetically smaller than them and lacking their powerful glow. The God of Darkness cast its vengeful gaze down upon the wicked thing and sneered.
"What…is that?"
The Goddesses looked at the small feminine thing walking aimlessly amidst the smoke and once again shrugged.
"Oh, that? I guess that's a byproduct of our fucking," said the Goddess of Hate.
"She looks so cute. Don't you think?" asked the Goddess of Love.
"Cute?" bemoaned the God of Light. "That creature is an abomination of nature. It is a mockery of our image."
"Well, I like it," declared the Goddess of Love. "I think I'll give it a name. How about…Perfume?"
"Maybe Serene?" suggested the Goddess of Hate.
"Ubiquitous?"
"Cherry?"
"Mountain goat."
"Blossom."
"Kevin."
"Keviner."
"Ultra Kevin."
"Let Us Be Your Poison?"
"No, that's way too desperately emo," sighed the Goddess of Love. Suddenly, she was struck by brilliance. "Oh, I got it. I shall call it…a Human!"
"Excellent, Sister," said the Goddess of Hate. "A Human—a being brought about by the fucking of the Gods."
While the Sisters looked in awe at their new creation, the Brothers looked at one another with a tepid fury. Human. Even the name itself sounded sickening to them. Their Sisters created an utmost abomination upon the entire world, and at that moment, they were able to put their feud aside. The Sisters promptly decided to resume fucking one another, eager to create more of the Human things and test the limits of their sexual abilities. The Brothers, meanwhile, plotted revenge.
They were going to have to do something about this mess.
Something drastic.
Though that, unfortunately, is a story for another time.
The Sluts looked at the Goddesses.
The Goddesses looked at the Sluts.
The Sluts all looked at each other, dumbstruck.
The Goddess of Lust looked at her Sister, and her Hateful Sister looked at her. The red Goddess nodded.
"Eh, I think they get the gist of it."