Throne of Cards

by Laufey

This is the final part of my Bhaalspawn Trilogy. It is a work in progress, so though the parts I'm currently writing are fairly close to the end I plan to spread out posting a little in order not to create too much of a wait in the end. I hope you will enjoy it, comments are welcome as always!

38. Chapter 38

Throne Of Cards 38 – Murder Most Fowl

When it comes to my inner circle of friends and family, I've pretty much banged the closet doors open and tossed all the secret skeletons out. Still, even after the nightmares, the bloodlust and the Slayer, I hadn't counted on just to what extent my dead sire was capable of making my life miserable.

Excerpt from 'Ruminations Of A Master Bard'

With a deafening bang, the large rock hit the canyon floor, stirring a high cloud of choking red dust. The rock was about the size of a small cottage, with jagged sharp edges, and it had fallen from enough of a height to leave a small crater in the ground. Zaerini stared at it, momentarily too stunned for words. It was right in front of her, so close her nose nearly bumped into it. It practically touched her toes. If I hadn't paused to look at that weasel scampering across the path, I'd have been right underneath it when it fell, squished into goo. No, Bhaalspawn, so dust. Not an improvement. She hoped the weasel hadn't had time to suffer much and was very thankful she couldn't see what was under the rock right now. Behind her, her companions were stood stock still as well, most likely as shocked as she felt.

"Look!" Imoen shouted, her voice shrill. "Up there!"

Rini craned her neck back, trying to see what was up at the top of the canyon. Humanoid shapes, sharply outlined against the blue sky, just silhouettes. The shimmering hot air blurred their edges, making it even harder to see details, but she still thought there was something odd about their proportions. They seemed large. Too large.

"Giants," Edwin said. He sounded rather disgusted. "Such an exceedingly…"

Whatever the wizard had been about to say was rudely interrupted as Dekaras grabbed him by the back of his robe, hurriedly shoving him aside before a second rock had time to land on him and turn him into an even redder wizard than before.

"Fall back!" Rini called out. "There are more of them up there!" And yes, there were more large shapes moving about up there, and plenty of rocks. The bard and her friends made a hurried, and somewhat undignified retreat, running as fast as they dared back the same way they'd come until they reached a shallow valley with a small lake and a few rather pitiful twisted trees. At least the giants didn't seem inclined to chase after them, which was one small relief. What a day. And to think it all started so well.

The day had in fact started with a very pleasant brunch at the Odesseiron Mansion, complete with all the little luxuries that could be expected from a noble Thayvian household. Imoen had made a beeline for the ice-cream sculpted into the shape of a roaring dragon with frost magic, and it hadn't taken long at all for predator to become prey. There had been many other delicacies as well, fresh fruit, cold and warm meat, fish, freshly baked bread, little cakes that literally melted in your mouth and much, much more.

"Do you always eat like this?" She asked her lover. "If so, how come none of you are too fat to walk?"

"Oh, not always," Edwin said with a quick wave of his hand. "Obviously everything is always of the highest quality (As it should be) but this is a bit out of the ordinary. Mother is in a good mood, and also, she wanted to meet all my 'little friends' so she's laying on the hospitality."

Rini looked over towards the end of the table. Elvira was deep in conversation with Viconia. Both women seemed both amused and highly focused on whatever they were talking about. Now and then one of them would make a little stabbing gesture or draw a diagram in breadcrumbs on the pristine white tablecloth. "I wonder what they're talking about?" She whispered.

Edwin sighed briefly. "Anything from how to complete world domination to the local variations in the arts of erotic onslaught," He said. "Quite possibly both. (I'm not entirely sure if I should be pleased or worried.)"

"Speaking of which, where is Vadrak this morning?" Rini asked in her most innocent voice, privately amused to see the wizard cough and go red. "Sleeping in?"

"Running some errands, or so Mother told me," Edwin said once he was able to breathe properly again. "I would assume he'll take the time to stop by Auntie Poppy as well to let her know he's alive and well, or she'd probably kneecap him."

"Fair enough, as long as we won't have to hunt him down again. Once we're all stocked up, we'd better leave for the Marching Mountains."

"Ah yes, to hunt down the hearts of an immortal fire giant and his crazy adopted mother in a desolate mountain fortress. Does the fun never end?"

"Aw, think of it as a fun road trip! You, me, and our friends." She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and felt pleasant warmth spreading through her stomach as he gave her a small but delighted smile in return. "And besides, I don't have much choice. I can hunt Yaga-Shura down or wait until he hunts me down. The first option seems better." She looked around the room. "Speaking of our friends, I'm glad they all seem to be having a good time. I think we've all earned a little holiday, even if just a short one."

To be sure, Minsc was cheerfully stuffing himself, pausing only to feed Boo selected delicacies. Rini had worried briefly that Elvira might disapprove of a hamster on the table, but if the wizardess noticed she hadn't commented. Perhaps she was used to Edwin summoning various creatures around the house. She'd also worried that Elvira would disapprove of a Rashemani berserker at the table, but again she'd been surprised.

"Any friend of Edwin is welcome here," Elvira had simply said. "And if anybody dares gossip, slander or nitpick, I'll wring their souls out and use them for dust rags."

Sarevok was enjoying his meal as well and was currently in a contest with Imoen about who was the best at catching candied nuts in their mouths. Imoen seemed to be winning by a narrow margin. The large warrior had mentioned something about wanting to take a walk in the garden as well before they left. It wasn't exactly what she had expected of her brother, but then again there were many things she still didn't know about Sarevok, weren't there? She hoped there would be more peaceful interludes like this, so she'd get the chance to learn more.

"Is everybody about done, or do I have the time to run a few tests before we take our leave?" Dekaras said from the doorway. How he had managed to enter as quietly as normal under the circumstances Rini honestly didn't comprehend. The assassin was carrying a large number of packages, big and small, so many that his arms weren't quite enough, and he had to keep some of them in place with his chin. He looked fairly tired, but also very pleased.

"Oh honestly," Elvira said with a sigh. "Didn't I tell you that you should bring one or two of the servants so you wouldn't have to stagger along like a pack-mule?"

"Yes, I seem to recall you mentioning something along those lines."

"And?"

"And I deemed it unwise." The assassin carefully adjusted one of his packages, and Rini could just make out a faint sloshing sound. "Since I lost my best weapons and equipment in that little altercation with the Wychlaran, I thought this would be a good opportunity to fully restock and indeed expand upon my inventory. There are many new and interesting inventions currently on the market, but they need to be handled with care. Otherwise, you might find yourself short a few servants, to say nothing of yours truly."

"They explode?"

"Only if you handle them wrongly. Or correctly, in some cases."

"Oh, very well. If you bring them along, don't let Edwin get into them. And I assume trying to get you to have a proper meal is futile, but I will see you once you're done packing."

"At your command, of course," The assassin said with a quick smile. He departed with as much haste as was possible given his heavy load, and Rini didn't miss the fond and slightly unfocused look Elvira gave him. I hope Eddie and me will be like that after that many years together. An unpleasant thought of murderous Bhaalspawn intruded, making her frown. I hope we'll have that many years together, and more.

"What is the matter?" Her lover quietly asked.

"Oh, uh, nothing. I mean, everything."

"Impressively eloquent, and yet entirely nonsensical."

"Just a bit of travel fever, all the Bhaalspawn mess." She quirked a smile and blew a strand of red hair out of her eyes. "Got any ideas about how to settle my nerves?"

"But of course. Edwin Odesseiron is, as always, the very epitome of soothing charm, practically oozing it out of every pore, his voice, hands and indeed other important parts enchantingly able to calm, relax, or if necessary, entice. (Please let it be entice, at least eventually.)"

"Lead the way, Dread Wizard. I'm all packed, and I figure we've got a couple of hours before everyone's set to leave. Let's see what you can do in that time, shall we?"

Edwin smiled.

"So, now what do we do?" Viconia asked. "That route would seem to be entirely impassable unless you're willing to risk half of us ending up as wet stains on the ground."

"Which I'm not," Zaerini said. She was hot and annoyed, the dusty air was irritating her nose and lungs, the persistent smell of sulphur from the hot springs dotting the area didn't improve things, and now this. "This is…just a setback. That's all. We'll figure something out."

"Can you take us closer to Yaga Shura's big old Fortress of Doom?" Imoen said. "Just an itsy bitsy bit closer so we don't have to run the giant gauntlet?"

"I'm afraid not. I'm not a full expert on how this teleportation thing works yet, but it seems it won't let me choose completely, it'll land me somewhere it thinks I need to be. Not that I feel an urgent need to have rocks dropped on me, but I'm afraid this is it. Think you guys could scout another way through?"

The two resident rogues looked at each other.

"Maybe," Imoen said, sounding a little doubtful. "Eventually. It could take a long time though; these canyons are like a maze."

"True," Dekaras admitted. "And while I have a fairly good sense of direction, this is not an area I am in any way familiar with, nor could I find any reliable maps. Not surprising perhaps, given it's a complete wilderness with deadly fire giants as the only permanent residents."

"Minsc, what about you?" Rini asked, feeling a little desperate now. "You're a ranger, you're good at tracking and stuff like that, right?"

"Oh yes, Little Rini! Minsc and Boo can certainly help. If you would like us to, we can Track Giants."

"Yes? Where are they?"

"Over that way," Minsc proudly proclaimed, pointing back the way they had come from. "Also, all around the place, or so Boo tells me."

"Well," Edwin said with a snort. "That was about as helpful as a paper bathtub, initially promising in appearance and yet ultimately disappointing."

"I notice you make no suggestions about how your marvelous magic will help resolve the situation," Sarevok said in a deceptively mild voice.

"That is because I've focused on far, far more interesting and indeed useful spells than Divination, I'll have you know! Furthermore…"

But whatever Edwin had been about to say was abrubtly cut off by a soft thump, and a panicked 'SQUAWK!' Six heads suddenly turned to see Dekaras holding a plump white chicken by its neck, one of his daggers gently ruffling the feathers. The chicken was clucking desperately, its beady little black eyes rolling this way and that.

"Vadrak?" Zaerini asked, feeling a little worried about what answer she might get. She'd thought her friend had seemed perfectly normal after his recent ordeal, but after all who knew how it could have affected him? "Why…what are you doing with that chicken?"

"This chicken," the assassin said, not taking his eyes off the animal, "Is no ordinary chicken. I wouldn't underestimate it if I were you. It was lurking behind a rock, listening to our conversation. Furthermore, just as I grabbed it, it was starting to cast a spell."

"What…but…it's a chicken. Chickens don't…" The half-elf felt silent, suddenly remembering something. "Then again, we did meet that mage apprentice who got himself accidentally turned into a chicken. Melicamp, wasn't it? Maybe it's a more common accident than we thought. Think this is a human under a spell?"

"I wouldn't know. But I do know that it's not alone. I heard other creatures close by, two or maybe three more, all of them sounding small." Dekaras raised his voice. "You may as well come out. If you mean no harm, we will cause you none."

"On the other hand," Sarevok filled in, "If you do, it's about suppertime, and a roast chicken would suit me perfectly. It's up to you, but I think my friend here is feeling a little twitchy. You should probably show yourselves soon if you want this to end somewhere else than a spit."

There was a faint murmur behind a cluster of large red rocks, as of shrill voices trying to whisper but not being entirely quiet about it. Then there was the sound of shuffling little feet, and three peculiar beings emerged. The first was something Rini had sincerely hoped never to see again, a tiny blue skinned humanoid, with sharp teeth and glittering eyes. Ew, a Xvart. Can't say I missed those little buggers. Please don't let it start singing. The second was another small humanoid, this one green, with large, pointed ears. It was clutching a small club defiantly. And a goblin. And to complete the set, the third one. The third one was also mostly humanoid, but with a dog-like snout and a tail vaguely resembling that of a lizard. In its tiny paws it held a very feeble bow, trembling from nerves. Of course, it had to be a kobold. If it shoots fire arrows at me I'll probably be happy to have it for dessert after the chicken.

"Please, no harm!" The goblin squeaked. "Mighty Bhaalspawn, do no harm to tiny helpless Bhaalspawn! Us just be small adventure group, called 'Small Wonder'."

"Oh, well, that's all right then…come again? Did you say...you're Bhaalspawn?"

"That be right! I be Tibbit, I take point and hit things! This be Toop, he our healer!" The Xvart bowed. "And this be Merlinious, him like stabby shooty things!" The kobold yipped in approval.

"And…the chicken?" Imoen asked, staring with wide eyes at the struggling bird.

"Him be Chinchilla, him lots clever mage. Can let him go now, yes? No eat? If no eat, us can help, maybe show way to giant place, yes?"

"Can we just go back to that part about you all being Bhaalspawn again?" Sarevok said, looking as if he was choking on a lemon.

"Oh, what is so complicated," Viconia said, her red eyes sparkling with amusement. "This would seem to have turned into a veritable family reunion. Tell me, what other estranged siblings do you think we might run across? Perhaps an earwig Bhaalspawn? A jellyfish Bhaalspawn? Your late sire seems to have been delightfully deviant, if barking mad." All the other non-Bhaalspawn present seemed to be having a hard time trying not to laugh, even Edwin, which was extremely unfair in Zaerini's book. Meanwhile, her two siblings – her two human siblings – were looking grumpier by the moment.

Imagining Bhaal and a fire giant was bad enough. Now I'll have mental images of Bhaal and a kobold. Or Bhaal and a chicken. My sire won't even have to make any effort to give me nightmares anymore. Still, diplomacy, diplomacy.

"Fine," She sighed. "I guess we have a deal. We won't hurt you, and if you can get us to the giant's fortress, we'd be very grateful. Vadrak, would you let go of the chicken please?"

"Of course," The assassin readily agreed. "I shall cause no harm to your brother, unless he attempts to unleash his deadly magic upon us. Or would it be sister? Apologies, I am not an expert on chicken anatomy. Would 'Fowl-kin' be agreeable?"

This is going to be a really, really long day.

"So, that's the secret entrance to Yaga-Shura's fortress, is it?" Zaerini said about an hour later, carefully peering around a large look. "It doesn't look all that well hidden."

"To giants, it be lots much tiny door," Tibbit the goblin Bhaalspawn said. "It be like humans to goblins, yes?"

"I suppose so, but it's made from glittering bronze. It reflects every single ray of sunlight."

The goblin coughed. "Well, maybe it be kitchen door and not so much secret door. But! Still lots less giants here than at big front door, yes? Big Ones let us go now? We on big quest, we hunting down the Giant Rat of Tethyr."

"How big is the rat?" Imoen asked.

"Oh, lots big! Big as me, almost! Lots big fight, lots much loot!"

"What kind of loot could a rat possibly have?" Edwin said with a small sneer. "An antique piece of cheese?"

"Oh no, no. Rat parts be precious, if from big old powerful rat. You know how there always be lots rats about?"

"Yes?"

"And you know how there also be lots many goblins about? Well, from big old manly musky rat, we make this salve to make goblins make more goblins. What you do is, you squeeze the…"

"YES, thank you, that will do! (Anything that makes more goblins is assuredly an abomination. They're related to gnomes. I just know it. Probably Jansens.)"

"It's fine Tibbit," Zaerini hurried to say. "At least we got here without the giants noticing, so thank you, you did what you promised."

"Good luck on your adventure!" Imoen said, patting Merlinious the kobold on the head. The small creature yipped excitedly and rubbed his head against the pink-haired rogue's palm.

I hope he doesn't have too many fleas. Oh well, Vic can probably sort it out if she starts scratching.

The goblin, kobold, xvart and chicken Bhaalspawn hurried away, leaving Rini and her friends some distance away from the apparent kitchen door. There was a single giant on post outside it, presumably on guard. However, he was deeply asleep, snoring so loudly he made the earth tremble slightly.

"So," The bard said. "One guard outside, unknown numbers inside, but hopefully less than by the main gates. And we have no idea where those hearts will be. Thoughts? Can we sneak past him?"

"Well," Dekaras mused, peering around a rock towards the kitchen door. "I certainly could. So could Imoen, and if I may venture a guess, possibly one or two others. However, unless you wish to split the party, I'll have to say absolutely not."

"Huh. All right, I suppose."

"Mind you, we need not sneak past him, not when we can take him out of the equation altogether. The ones inside need not notice a thing."

"I guess that's our best option then. We may not be able to avoid open combat when we get inside, but I'd rather do it for as long as possible. Need any help?"

"Only if he wakes up, in which case I will be profoundly embarrassed on a professional level."

"Fine, fine, just try not to be profoundly squished by an angry giant, please?"

He gave her a quick and amused smile, and then walked off around the rock, feet making no sound on the sharp gravel. Rini carefully peeked out, and then blinked in surprise when she couldn't spot him anywhere. She could see nothing moving at all, in fact, not a single living thing other than the sleeping giant. He was still snoring heavily, seated on the ground next to the doorpost. An endlessly long moment passed, and then something changed. At first, she couldn't tell what it was, and her ears twitched as she listened to the heavy silence until she knew it for what it was. The giant had stopped snoring. He seemed a little more slumped as well, his head drooping. You could still easily think he was asleep, but she knew better.

"Right," She said, nodding to her friends. "We're going in."

The door to Yaga Shura's fortress may indeed have been considered a tiny servant's entrance by the fire giants, but to the adventurers it was still a very tall, heavy and imposing thing, a massive bronze portal that required a group effort in order to open even enough of a crack that they could discreetly slip inside. That done, Zaerini was pleased to find that they weren't being immediately charged by a dozen or so angry giants. Just as Tibbit had claimed, this was a kitchen. There was an iron stove large enough to roast a horse, pantries and preparation tables. As she craned her neck upward, she could just make out some very unpleasant looking carving knives up there, seemingly stuck directly into the table.

"Something's wrong," Imoen said, tension evident in her shoulders as she peered around a table leg. "Where is everyone? This is a big place, lots of soldiers and guards and stuff. There should be people working in the kitchen day and night, like there was in Candlekeep."

Rini had to agree with that. As happy as she was to not be immediately launched into a battle with giants, the complete and total absence of them made her wonder. The fire in the stove had gone out completely, and it felt cool to the touch. Also, the place didn't smell like a kitchen should, like baking bread or roasting meat, lively and rich smells. This place smelled of cold dust, and there was something underneath that, a sharp and acrid smell that made her nose wrinkle. "You're right," She said. "Something's definitely off." She sniffed the air. "What is that stench? It…it smells like rotten meat and sulphur with a bit of hot dust thrown in."

In here, Kitten, Softpaws whispered inside her mind. The black cat had padded over to a wooden door, a smallish one that seemed like it might lead to a pantry or a cellar. Be careful. I can hear something stirring.

"Let's take a look," The bard said once she'd informed the others of her familiar's words. "There's bound to be something nasty inside, but I'd rather deal with it now than have it creeping up behind us later. Just be ready for anything."

Once again, they had to join forces to open the door, a practice that Rini could already tell was going to get very annoying very quickly. At least this one required only Minsc and Sarevok, freeing the others to be ready for combat. As the door jerked open, she had one hand on her sword, while the other hovered over her bag of spell components, just in case. It was dark inside, and the puff of rank air that swept over her made her eyes tear. Behind her, she heard Imoen cough and gag slightly. Just as she had thought, the room was a pantry, with rows of rows of shelves stacked with jars and bags. And there, curled up against the far wall lay a large heap of what at first seemed to be rags. Then the rags stirred and unfolded. A very sickly giant woman raised her head to stare at the adventurers with blank eyes. Her skin was pale, a far cry from its normal ruddy colour, and was hanging in heavy folds like the wax of a melting candle. Her hair was dirty and tangled and big clumps of it seemed to have been torn out, leaving her scalp bare and bleeding. There were dark shadows under her bloodshot eyes, hinting that she'd had very little sleep lately, if any. The smell was definitely coming from her.

"You…" She gasped. "Small folk. What are you doing here?"

"We are the party of Minsc and Boo and Minsc's Witch and Minsc's Friends!" Minsc proudly stated. "Noble heroes all, expect some of us, but still very good at stomping things that need stomping. We've come to take the magic hearts away to make the Very Bad Unkillable Giant into the Slightly Less Possibly Killable Giant so we can kill him. Boo says our survival chances are at roughly 37.5 percent, but I think some nuts would perk him up to make his hamster spirit soar. Do you have any nuts?"

The giant woman stared with round eyes, her hand pressed against her mouth. "You…you've come to steal Yaga Shura's sacred heart?"

Note to self. Always be quick to handle introductions before Minsc can step in.

"Well, you see," She began. "What my friend means is actually…"

"Take them! Take the accursed things if you can find them and get them far away from here! They've brought nothing but ruin upon us all! Smoldering core's blessing upon you all if you destroy the foulness that is Yaga Shura!"

"Come again?"

"There is a foul magic in those hearts," The giant woman said, shuddering briefly. "At first…at first it seemed all was well. Yaga Shura was invincible, none could stand against him. He hid the hearts with powerful enchantments and illusions, to protect them, and left them behind as he went off with the greater part of the army. But something has gone wrong. The hearts are hidden, sealed away, but their magic…leaks. It pollutes everything. Pollutes us. Changes us. We didn't understand, and now it's too late. Yaga Shura cannot die. We can. But…"

"But what?"

The woman trembled, utter fear and disgust shining from those glittering, half-mad orange eyes. "But then we come back. Sooner or later, we all come back. They wander these halls, the living and the dead, and we will never leave. The garrison shut us in here and blocks the mountain passes that none might escape but it will get them too if it hasn't already. They are too close, too close to the Heart."

"Wait," Edwin interrupted, his voice sharp with concern. "When you say 'come back', is there any particular timeframe attached to this expected reanimation? Are we talking minutes, years or anything in-between?"

As if in answer to his question, there was a sound from just outside the kitchen door. The sound of heavy footsteps, slowly shuffling closer in an erratic lurch, as if the thing on the doorstep had forgotten exactly how to properly operate its muscles.

"In retrospect," Dekaras mused, "Perhaps I made a tactical error in regard to my disposal of the posted guard. My apologies."

"We'll just have to repeat the process, this time permanently," Viconia said, flexing her fingers as she gathered her power. The priestess started murmuring prayers, and Zaerini could feel herself moving with greater strength and purpose. She began her own casting, aiming for flexibility and speed, and Edwin was even swifter.

"Too close quarters in here for any of my most useful spells," The wizard said, the rings on his fingers flashing as his hands swiftly wove a protective shield around himself, and then another. "I suggest aiming for its brain, what little there is of it."

There was no time to say anything further, to think or to plan. The door was slammed open with a loud bang that made crockery rattle on its shelves and dust fly, and then the thing staggered inside the kitchen. The dead fire giant, oddly enough, looked more energetic than the miserable creature huddled in the pantry, but no doubt that would eventually change as he withered and decayed. His eyes had no life left in them, they looked like squishy black grapes with a milky film covering their glassy surface. He was holding a very large sword, dragging it along behind him as he lurched forward like a clumsy puppet.

Because fire giants clearly weren't bad enough. No, it had to be zombie fire giants, just to make things more interesting.

The undead giant had spotted them now, and gurgled something unintelligible, its swollen purple tongue protruding from its lips like a grotesque fruit. She could only assume that poison had helped the giant's demise along, as well as giving it that unique look. Then the giant raised its sword, and all hell broke loose. Minsc and Sarevok charged into battle first, slashing and lunging at what body parts they could reach. Unfortunately, this limited them to feet, knees and thighs, not the most vital of organs. Rini circled the battle warily, attacking the enormous zombie with spells whenever she could get a clear shot, and Imoen was taking potshots at it with her bow from behind a large barrel. Many of them hit, but unfortunately the giant zombie's hide seemed too thick for them to do very serious damage.

"Can you turn it?" Rini asked Viconia who was standing next to her, now and then channeling healing magic into the combatants.

"Not while I'm healing, I can't!" The priestess snapped, not taking her eyes off the battle. "Don't interrupt me again or somebody might get killed."

Unfortunately, the sound of their voices had alerted the giant, and now he was heading straight for them, slack mouth open and sword waving as the ground trembled under his heavy footfalls.

"HA!" Sarevok shouted. "Leaving yourself open will cost you, abomination! Feel the wrath of the Children of Bhaal!" He stabbed hard at the back of the giant's unprotected knee, and the zombie staggered, faltering. It turned towards the warrior again, forgetting the women. Edwin sent bolt after bolt of magic into it, aiming for the flat head whenever he could, and it seemed it was slowing down a little, but not enough.

Just as she was seriously starting to wonder if she would have to call upon the Slayer, Rini noticed something out of the corner of her eye. Dekaras had apparently slipped out of the fray and managed to scale the kitchen table somehow without the giant noticing. He was signaling her urgently now, beckoning her to join him. Well, it couldn't hurt to see what that was about, and it wasn't as if she could do much to help with the melee. While she didn't have as much practice as the assassin, she had still done her fair share of climbing back in Candlekeep, and she managed to skip nimbly across the floor, onto a footstool and a pile of old cookbooks before a final leap brought her onto the tabletop.

"Here," Dekaras said as he caught her by the hand to help land her safely. "I found a few things to help bring him down to size, but I'll need some help."

Rini hurriedly scanned the surface of the table. There was food up here, much of it dusty and moldy, some a bit fresher. She didn't see anything immediately obvious as a weapon. Then the battling giant bumped into the table, making it shake, and she was thrown down, bruised and battered, bumping into something as she fell. Once she regained her bearings she coughed violently. There was something white all over her, a powdery substance that was getting into her eyes and mouth, almost blinding her. It was flour, and she was entirely covered by it.

"Yes," Dekaras said, coughing as well. He was also thoroughly powdered with flour, making him look like an eerie white apparition. "Although I had a different target in mind, you got the gist of it."

"I can top it up, I think," Rini said, pointing at an item of food previously hidden by the now fallen bag of flour. "What do you think?"

"Good thinking. One first, then the other."

Working in tandem, the two rogues dragged their improvised weaponry towards the edge of the table. The giant hadn't noticed them yet, fortunately. A large wooden spoon was tipped across an ancient sausage, and they were prepared. Her stomach fluttering, Zaerini stepped forward.

"Hey you!" She called out. "Yes, you, the dead guy! Think you're tough, don't you? Well, I can take you with one hand tied behind my back!"

Somewhere behind the giant's angry roar, she heard what sounded like a strangled gasp.

Sorry, Eddie. There really wasn't time to warn you about this.

The giant had turned towards her now, leaning in closer, raising its meaty fist to squish her flat, or possibly to catch her and eat her alive like an oyster. She stood her ground, not blinking, not daring to turn around for fear of the giant noticing anything was amiss.

Fwoooosh.

An eyeful of flour struck the giant straight in the face, making it roar and rub at its eyes, momentarily blinded. Clearly the improvised spoon catapult had worked.

My turn.

She kicked another item off the table now, a large slab of butter. It wasn't exactly fresh anymore; in fact it was positively rancid. It was, however, still beautifully slick and slippery, and it landed just where she wanted it to, directly under the staggering giant's feet. There was another roar, this one out of confusion rather than anger, and then the ground shook as the undead giant fell. The warriors immediately fell upon it, hacking away at its head, and even up on the table she could feel the hairs on her arms prickling as Edwin sent a thick bolt of lightning straight into its blinded eyes. Then, all was quiet and still once more.

"Good aim", Dekaras said approvingly as he looked down from the tabletop to the fallen giant.

"Thanks, likewise. Talk about food fight, huh?"

"Indeed, there are many interesting things that can be done with cutlery and condiments. Had it been a live giant I believe I would have favoured that bottle of hot sauce over there."

"Well, let's hope we won't have to do it again any time soon." She grinned. "For one thing, we're both covered in flour and stinky butter. If there's a next time, let's at least try to make it a full cake."