A/N: So I just watched Pitch Perfect, but I'm sorry, the puking? No, no, no, fuck no! In what universe is puke angels humourous? I mean? Idk what I'm even saying, but Anna Kendrick is awesome, and if she wasn't in it I would have flounced that bullshit. Wasn't the redhead in Hairspray? And Fat Amy... Why are Australians always the comic relief? Seriously, the Australia accent isn't even that funny. It's bogan. The music was pretty catchy, though. I incorporated a smidge of it in 39. If that one sees the light of day. What a fucking mess.
Anyway, ugh, whatever.
Thanks to Kim and Melinda for being superior bitches and putting up with me, and for getting my chapters back super fast. Btw, I signed up for the story exchange (SEX) on FB and it reminded me that I wrote a story that then turned into Vertigo. Funny how you can just erase shit from your mind, right? I should post it.
It's twofer weekend. I just made that shit up, but I'm going to post 2 chapters of Black Swan. I'm feeling generous and full of self loathing over the disaster of all day writing that turned to shit. Why is it some things just don't come together the way you want them to? Why, fuck it?
On a lighter note, I'm going to this swish exxy new Bavarian restaurant tomorrow. Yay for small pleasures in life.
Black Swan
Chapter 37
I cry myself to sleep. I actually sleep, and after, I do something so utterly human. As the shroud of unconsciousness is lifted and my eyes slowly open, my body involuntarily stretches and quakes.
It's so completely foreign that in a rush comprehension hits me and I sit up, dazed and disorientated as both my parents stare back at me, their mouths agape in shock.
"H-how long?" I stammer, my voice rustic and sounding exactly like Edward's once did after he rose in the mornings, but the panic in my voice is overt.
God, am I becoming human? Am I going to get periods and ...pregnant? I shudder to think.
She never slept before, and now they both do. They're truly amazing. My mother's subconscious replies even as she shakes her head practically without coherence. "You've been in here for a little under four hours."
Four hours?
Numbly, I turn my attention to Carlisle. He's continuing to stare at me, a perplexed expression knotting his brow as his mind fills with projections of Edward asleep on this same bed. I open my mouth, searching for the right words, when on reflex my head snaps up, and my gaze fixes beyond the door.
There are other vampires in the house, and one is unfamiliar.
"Yes, there are two here who'd like to see you," Carlisle says, noting my reaction with a tactful smile.
I turn back to stare at him, and while he attempts to block me with linear equations in his mind, he can't nearly keep me out. Garrett is here with his new mate.
"I'll be down in a moment," I reply, glancing at the phone I'm still clutching in my hand.
My parents leave, and hitting the home button, I stare down at the message I left in reply to Edward before I promptly fell apart and then asleep.
I'm here, you crazy boy. I'm awake and at home, and if you've thrown away your phone, I'm going to kill you!
My message has gone unseen and unanswered, which means it's more than likely at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean, and I missed him by mere weeks.
. . .
Garrett greets me first, opening his arms wide and slapping my back with a huge grin spreading across his face.
"It's good to see you alive and kicking, Bella," he says cheerfully.
"Thank you," I mumble, meeting his gaze even as I instinctively tune into his thoughts.
He doesn't disappoint. Edward is a constant in them. He evidently trusts Garrett a lot, and enjoys his company, because in one fleeting memory, he actually smiles. It wasn't the smile of the boy eager to be an immortal that I once knew, though. Nor was it the smile of a drunk Edward after he'd climbed the tree outside my window to beg for my forgiveness. This was the smile of a man haunted by the loss of his mate, who by all accounts, should still be dead.
"Does he ever contact you?" I ask as Garrett's memories fade and condense in his mind repeatedly.
"Nope, he prefers to just turn up out of the blue," he answers. "He always knows where to find me. That kid could track a fly from ten thousand miles away."
I nod once, frowning to myself in disappointment before I swallow past the inevitable and turn to his mate.
Kate is tall and beautiful with high cheekbones and full lips, and just when I make the decision not to like her, she reaches out and impulsively pulls me against her.
"Thank god," she whispers, but to me or herself I'm not entirely sure.
After a few seconds of obliging her, I pull back awkwardly. I've never been comfortable with this type of closeness with other immortals; not to mention my mate's exes.
Her mind first transmits memories of Edward younger than I've known him, before they're quickly replaced by more recent ones of him immortalized.
Edward laughing...I can hear the smooth, rustic tenor and the anguish behind it.
"Wow, you really are a teeny, tiny little thing," she teases me, just as my heart stills.
"What?" I utter, barely able to make my voice audible.
"Edward told me," she explains, glancing away nervously. "He told me if I ever met you, that's what I should say. He-he said it was an inside joke between the two of you."
"Oh...It was," I murmur, and distracted, my eyes fall to the floor. I'm still wearing Edward's hoodie; the sleeves of it have swallowed my hands, reinforcing that I am in fact teeny tiny. I always believed I was 5'4 until I met Edward and realized I was actually an inch shorter.
He measured me, and what still shocks me to this day is I allowed him to.
"I'm so sorry, Bella," she appeals to me as my gaze lifts back to hers. "We, I mean, I used to humor him. I never expected to..." With culpability overrunning her expression, she abandons it and turns momentarily to her mate. "He always knew, but no one believed him."
"It wasn't just you, my love," Garrett reassures her, smiling at her sadly. It's a look I've become acquainted with the last few days, and I detest it.
"I have to ask, though..." Kate adds, turning back to me, a smile ghosting on her lips this time.
"Okay...?" I ask dubiously. By her expression alone she wants to divulge details of her relationship with Edward, and I am not even remotely in the right frame of mind to tolerate it.
"How did you ever handle him as a human? I mean, he was so...hyper."
I release my breath somewhat in relief and laugh, or at least, I attempt to anyway, but it comes out sounding stiff and humorless. "I almost killed him a few times. I think..." I answer honestly.
"Four," Emmett pipes up from the corner of the room, and when my eyes meet his, he winks. "Though, the last time was unintentional."
Kate chuckles. "Well, he tried to kill me as well, so serves him right."
"He did?" I didn't suppose Jane or Rose meant it literally and I can scarcely wrap my mind around it. While I've killed many a human, I have never attempted to kill another immortal, but Edward admitted to killing two very powerful ones.
"He did, but he's my little brother, so it's only natural that we wish death upon each other," she replies ruefully.
"I'm sorry, what?" Little brother? I'm beginning to feel dazed, and I'm unsure whether it's from the effects of sleep still vacating my body, or by Kate's candidness.
"I'm three months older than Edward, and we have the same mother. Not to mention our step-father, Liberace."
"I heard that, sugar," Leo calls from several rooms away just as Emmett and Garrett break into snickering.
"Alice has been tracking his movements," Carlisle inserts himself into the conversation with a quick clearing of his throat. "He's still in Asia, but he's heading back to the United States. "Bella," he turns to me, that sedate, serious expression reinforcing behind his eyes, "We've already got the word out to as many other immortals as we can to send Edward home if he sees them. The Denali's have done the same as well as Victoria and James. And Garrett—"
"Aye, I have," Garrett confirms. "I've a few friends in the Orient who will send him packing if they run into him."
Carlisle smiles and adds, "Charles, Liam, Peter, Amun, Alistair, and Stefan have all agreed to spread the word to any who might come into contact with him, also."
"What have you told them to tell him?" I ask.
"That there's an emergency in regards to Esme—"
"He's more likely to come back if it's about Mom," Emmett interrupts. "If we said you were here he wouldn't believe it."
"Yes, it might push him further away," my father admits with a sigh. "That's why it's important that you are seen by as many of our kind as possible."
"How?" I ask skeptically.
"Vamp bars, sis," Emmett pipes up just as I groan pointedly.
"Oh god..." There are several in every state, mostly in the largest cities, and it's not that I'm entirely against them, but I don't enjoy crowds at the best of times; vampires are no exception. They're a novelty once or twice half a decade, but anything more is brain-scrapingly tedious and usually only popular with the very young among us. Not to mention the last time I went it was with Edward.
"I realize you're not a fan, but Edward surrounds himself constantly with our kind. In the clubs is where they're present in large numbers. It makes the most sense," Carlisle explains patiently.
"And he doesn't have a phone? You're sure about that?" I press.
"If he does, he ignores it," Emmett answers as Rose walks in the room and takes his arm, turning to flash me a warm smile; I return it. "It's been years since I got a message from him—before he was turned."
"Hmm, same," Rose affirms.
"He won't reply to me or Esme, either, but regardless, Alice messaged him earlier. He has not seen it," Carlisle relays, lowering his head. He's been attempting to keep Edward from his thoughts since I arrived, and has only half succeeded. From what I can detect, Edward has broken down in Carlisle's presence and my father wants to protect me from it. Not to mention to conceal the guilt he feels because of it.
"I know he asked you to re-examine my body, Carlisle. You couldn't have known," I confess, keeping my tone responsive. It's not often that my father displays such emotion and I really don't want to be the cause of it, right now.
"Yes, well..." he breaks to swallow before getting back on topic. "Jane and Leonardo, Emmett and Rose, and Garrett and Kate have all agreed to accompany you. Your mother and I will continue contacting as many of our kind as possible."
"And Alice?" I put to him. Alice's visions have been changing. At first, she saw Edward finding me, but in her latest vision, it was me who found him in a back alley in one of the larger cities.
"She wants to stay home and keep her thoughts clear to better watch him."
"And Jay-boy's a lightweight," Garrett pipes up with a wicked grin that makes his mate crack a smile.
"You sure are an interesting coven of vampires," she notes.
"To say the least," I mutter. I turn to leave, only for Carlisle to reach out and take my elbow.
"One more thing, Bella."
"Hmm?" I raise my brows in question over my shoulder.
"I think you need to work on releasing your shield. Edward will hear your thoughts long before he senses your proximity."
I sigh and half shake my head. "I've only been able to stretch it a few feet so far."
"Do you remember the technique from when you first learned?" he asks.
"In theory, yes. I'll work on it," I promise him.
He smiles tenderly with a hint of amusement behind it. "Good."
"I haven't changed," I counter his inner musings with a smirk. My present calm, compliant demeanor is throwing him and he's not quite sure what to make of it. "I'm still basically in a state of shock."
. . .
There are three vampire bars in Chicago. The first, aptly named Blood Moon, is a block from the Willis Tower on West Monroe concealed several stories beneath the basement off public parking.
The doorman is understandably startled by not only Jane's presence, but mine. While he steadfastly avoids Jane's gaze, he stares at me ashamedly for a good ten seconds without blinking, and from his mind he's admitted Edward entrance more than once.
Edward's face is half obscured by the hood of his sweater, but dark circles sit beneath his eyes that reflect absolutely no life at all. They're as dead as I was.
"How long?" I ask, my voice softly catching, but I'm never going to be immune to seeing my mate so broken and defeated.
"I-I beg your pardon," he replies stammering.
"How long since he's been here?" I elaborate with a lot more patience than I'm currently feeling. It disturbs me to know other immortals have interacted with Edward. I'm not even sure why.
"Nine months," he answers, quickly reaching out to open the steel-doored entry. He wants Jane as far away from him as possible.
We walk no further than six feet inside when at least ten dozen pairs of ruby eyes all turn conspicuously in our direction. Or more accurately at the vampire who should be dead and the one of the most feared beside her.
"So, we getting a drink?" Emmett enquires ignoring them as he scans the dark, smoky interior of the bar.
Rose expels her breath pointedly, casting her eyes around the room for a very different reason. "I'll start asking around." She tilts her head in reference to the far right corner where a group of immortals sit whose stares all linger on us. All have noticed Edward here, but there is one in particular who has ventured close to him.
"The brunette in red," I give her a head's up, and grabbing Emmett's hand, she immediately makes her way over with Leo following; he recognizes one amongst them.
"I'll scope the rest of the security," Garrett informs me just as my eyes meet those of a not quite newborn who immediately severs hers in fear and attempts to duck and hide from me.
Not only has she seen Edward, but she's spoken to him.
I nod distracted, my gaze not deviating from her, and as Kate and Garrett turn in one direction, Jane and I walk in the opposite.
Realizing she has nowhere to run, the newborn, no older than her mid-twenties for two decades—I can still detect her maker's blood in her veins—turns five shades paler and freezes. She's willowy with a slim face and almond blond hair, and in life she had heterochromia that followed her into immortality. While her right eye is blood red, the other is a deep brown.
"We're not here to hurt you," I reassure her, offering her a casual smile when she turns her wide, anxious eyes in my direction. "May I?" I motion to the empty chair beside her.
"Y-Yes, of course," she stutters, and pulling out the seat beside her, I take it. Clearing her throat, she turns her attention to Jane who sits opposite without invite. "I'm E-Emily."
"Jane," she reciprocates her introduction, offering her hand.
The newborn takes it, before turning to extend the same courtesy to me. "You're Bella, aren't you?" she asks almost cautiously.
"I am," I say, unsurprised by her assumptions. Edward has mentioned me by name to her; something she's unwittingly revealing to me.
"You're as beautiful as he said you were," she notes, visibly relaxing.
My smile this time is immediate and stemmed from bemusement. "You do realize you're one of us, don't you?"
Her expression becomes sheepish and she momentarily lowers her head. "I guess I still have human eyes."
"Hmm..." I murmur, because there isn't an immortal alive who can't empathize. I didn't recognize my own reflection for a good decade after I was turned. "How old are you?" I ask simply.
"Forty-three," she answers nervously.
Jane scoffs her amusement softly to herself before clarifying, "She means how long have you been an immortal."
"Oh...Seventeen years."
"So you were turned when you were twenty-six," I calculate, and she nods to the affirmative. "Tell me about Edward." She's already aware of the reason for our presence, and I'm in no mood for small talk.
"I-I met him here about a year and a half ago. He was sitting over there." Her eyes dart to a dark corner shadowed by a section of brick wall that divides the seating area from the bar, while the image of Edward doing just that flashes through her mind. His head was lowered almost with disinterest, except he tracked every vampire and human in the room closely. "He was just watching and not drinking anything. Everyone was scared of him. There were rumors that he went mad after losing his mate and he'd kill anyone who looked at him, but I could see he was just...heartbroken and lonely."
"You could see?" I repeat, arching a brow for her to elaborate.
"I have the ability to read a person's personality, and sometimes, I can see their emotive aura," she explains glancing fleetingly away self-consciously.
"Oh?" I gauge her for a moment my curiosity piqued. "What's my personality?"
"Um...you're a skeptic, and sar...castic," she's evidently reluctant to insult me, and in response, I smirk.
Jane openly laughs and plants her palm to my shoulder. "She's not wrong."
I nudge her with my elbow before focusing back to the newborn. "Continue."
"I'm sorry?" She blinks with confusion as I sigh minutely to myself.
"Edward?" I raise my eyebrows in emphasis.
"Oh—okay...I approached him and introduced myself. At first, he only gazed at me vacantly as if he was confused, and then he smiled and invited me to sit with him. He talked mainly about you, Bella, but it was in the present tense, so I assumed the rumors were wrong."
"What did he say?" I ask a little too eagerly, realizing I'm subtly angling my body toward her.
"How beautiful you are and how you'd—"
"Never mind," I interject, closing my eyes and attempting to shut out the sound of Edward's dejected voice as it echoes through her memories. Seeing him so tormented is bad enough; I don't need to hear it too. "Are you aware Edward can read minds?"
Her expression brightens and she nods in an animated motion. "Yes, he knew what had happened to me and he helped me."
"Helped you?" I echo blankly.
She bows her head in acknowledgement. "The one who created me killed herself a few weeks after and left me her house and property. It's almost a hundred acres in the mountains of Missouri. She left me a lot of food and told me not to leave; not for several years. But one night, I...Anyway, I was attacked by a group of other vampires. I barely escaped with my life. They took my house, and Edward knew about it before I mentioned it. He knew every detail and he promised me he'd get it all back for me. I met him here again a week after and he told he'd taken care of it and it was safe for me to return home. That was the last time I saw him."
I falter, and for a moment, I'm so overwhelmed I have no words. Edward was finding a purpose for living without me. I'm beginning to think I completely underestimated him. He's a lot stronger and more resilient than I ever was.
"Why did your creator kill herself?" I ask, my voice again compromised behind this latest revelation.
"Her mate died and she didn't want to live without him," she answers with a reverent sadness in her tone that I can more than understand.
This time it's me who severs her gaze, because it's entirely too close to home. "And you have your maker's property back?" I speak to my hands.
An abandoned newborn without a coven lives a dangerous existence. They will often fall prey to other vampires to acquire whatever wealth they've accumulated as humans. In that regard, I have nothing to fear where Edward's concerned. He's an exceptionally gifted and powerful immortal, number one, and two, and probably more importantly, his maker is Jane.
To kill one of Jane's children is a death sentence. It's the only time I have ever witnessed her get sadistic.
The vampire world has always been Darwinist in nature. Survival of the fittest, kill or be killed...The only laws in place are to ensure our existence is kept secret from the humans.
"Yes." She sighs to herself with obvious regret as I glance back up at her uncertain of the context. "I never really got a chance to thank him."
"I'll thank him for you," I promise, my smile choked and threatening to give me away as I rise hastily to my feet. "Jane."
. . .
At Garrett's suggestion, we decide to stay at least half an hour, so the image of me surrounded by those Edward trusts is cemented in the minds of both immortals and humans alike around us.
We find a table in the center of the room before Emmett and Rose head to the bar for a single round. I order an A-positive Budweiser for no other reason than the connection to Edward, but I detest beer as a rule.
I sit opposite Jane and Leo watching my tortured mate in the minds of every vampire in the room as the two before me kiss and grope each other.
Grateful for the distraction, I turn to them. "You know, Carlisle said two vampires only mated when they were inclined a certain way."
Leo pulls back from Jane and grins in full amusement. "Oh, he lied to you, sugar. Take it from me, you can be gayer than a peacock at Mardi Gras, but the instant you see your mate, it's all over. From the instant this little blonde bombshell walked into my life," he glances at Jane and winks, "I have been a raging Janesexual." He laughs.
Jane shakes her head lightly to herself unable to hold off her grin. "Don't listen to him, he's always been bi-sexual. Besides, Carlisle was talking about human singers, Bella, not mates. You're the only vampire I've ever known who's had the restraint not to kill yours."
"It wasn't without trying," I mumble, smiling discreetly to myself. I still find it hard to believe that I was able to control my lust for Edward's blood so quickly, and that he survived every attempt I made on his life, but then, I couldn't physically kill him even when I wanted to.
He was always my one exception to the rule.
Leo chuckles loudly, drawing the attention of half the room. "Honey, I'm surprised you had the restraint to get that gorgeous creature between the sheets."
My mouth falls open, and if it were possible, I'm sure my ears would be alight. "Who told you that?"
"Why he did, of course. Two immortal virgins...Hmm, when you two finally pop, they'll hear it on Mars." He laughs again and turns back to Jane as I all but sink into my seat in mortification.
Edward, that cock-sucking bastard. I'll kill him, but first, I'll kill his mate.
I react purely on impulse, and I'm out of my chair pulling the offending immortal's head back by the length of his long, dirty blond hair before he can draw breath.
"You think I didn't hear that, Fabio?" I seethe in his ear, my free hand squeezing around his throat and crushing his larynx. Whatever disagreement he had with Edward, he was lucky to walk away alive, but has been simmering with vengeful thoughts ever since.
Not to mention, he reminds me a little too much of another 80's rocker wannabe. The last human I killed.
As Fabio chokes and gasps for air, I meticulously turn my attention to the three others sharing his table to ascertain whether they share the same sentiments. They keep their eyes averted from mine in silent panic, but I quickly realize they're young and harmless.
Satisfied, I focus back on him. "My mate can hear what you're thinking as much as I can, and—"
"Bella, it's not worth it," Emmett intervenes, wrapping his large arms around me and struggling to pull me free.
"He wants to kill us both!" I practically growl, even as I struggle futilely in my brother's iron embrace. "Let me go, you Neanderthal!"
"No can do. Man, if I were you, I'd start running n—ah, shit!"
Axel Rose immediately jerks violently backward, tense and rigid in the grip of pain Jane is suddenly holding over him, as his comrades immediately vacate.
"Mio amore, don't waste your talent," Leo croons from behind me just as the vampire, whose hair is still tangled around my fist, instantly recovers.
Jerking himself free, he gets to his feet, so angry he's quaking and glares darkly at me. Before I can react, Emmett tightens his grip around me, and I realize it's all over. While my strength has increased since I woke, Emmett is still immeasurably stronger.
"You have no idea what you've just done," my brother warns him, shaking his head pointedly. "I can hold Bella back, but when it comes to Edward, you're on your own, man."
He's gone in an instant.
"Dead man walking," Garrett quips chuckling, as Emmett passes me over to Rose.
"I think that's a wrap on tonight. Time to take it down a notch, you crazy wench," she says dryly, but the tenderness behind her voice is outward. "Bella, you can't kill every vampire for their thoughts alone," she adds softly in confidence.
"He threatened to kill Edward," I argue, my chest heaving as I attempt, and fail, to calm myself, but my blood is burning ice cold in my veins and igniting my flesh.
"Hubris." She scoffs; she thinks I'm overreacting, but I guess some things never change. "He could no more kill Edward than you could."
"Are you okay?" Jane cuts in, curling her arm around my shoulders and squeezing gently.
"No, I'm not okay," I mutter. "This was a total waste of time. Let's just leave."
A/N: Edward will be back 38. You might want to push me off the cliff though. Hint *cough*
You can tell me to fuck myself if you like. I'll probably agree with you. *bemoaning af*