Hello again! I have no spine, I can't make them avoid each other for too long. Please review! xx

Thirty Seven

Victoria lasted all of two weeks before Leonard McCoy found her again.

In retrospect, she was surprised she had managed to avoid him for so long. Jim had invited her for dinner twice, and she was convinced Leonard had been invited as well, which was why the captain had been a little too insistent when she had said she was busy. Julia Riley had tried to get her to come to sickbay to get her hypos that morning, and it was only a genuine scheduling conflict that had meant Victoria couldn't go, although she was sure she wasn't imagining the hint of disappointment in the nurse's voice when she had said she was sending an ensign to collect them for her.

And now she was late for a meeting, because she was still doing more work than she was scheduled for, despite the fact that Spock had taken to forcing her to take breaks in his office every few days. But she needed the distraction, because every free moment was increasingly spent thinking about a certain doctor that she had been doing her best to avoid, for his sake as well as her own. So, she was tired, a little hungry, and definitely grumpy, as she juggled PADDs and paperwork and hurried to the turbolift.

As she stepped inside and called out for the bridge, instead of the usual sound that indicated the lift was ready to move, Victoria heard an automated voice. "Turbolift maintenance in progress."

She frowned. "Computer, what does that mean?"

"Automatic stop function is disabled. Lift will stop at every dock in order of destinations."

Victoria's eyebrows shot up. "And what's the next destination?"

"Next stop, Sickbay."

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me." Victoria reached for the emergency stop button, fully intending on climbing up to the bridge if she had to, but it was too late. The turbolift had already stopped, the doors were opening, and Leonard McCoy was stepping into the lift.

"Evening," he said, barely looking up from his PADD. Victoria didn't answer, her heartbeat suddenly accelerating to what felt like a hundred miles an hour as she saw his face. He didn't look particularly tired, but was she imagining the slight crease between his eyebrows that hadn't been there the last time he'd smiled at her? Was he worried, sleep-deprived, overworked, or all three? Or was he spending his nights thinking about her when he should be sleeping, like she had been thinking about him for the past few nights in a row?

When Victoria didn't answer his greeting, he looked up curiously, suddenly doing a double-take when he realised who he was sharing the lift with. "Oh."

Victoria blinked. Before she could respond, the turbolift jerked to a stop, and an automated voice sounded again. "Turbolift has halted. Restarting journey in fifteen minutes."

Leonard frowned. "What did it just say?"

Victoria shrugged helplessly, and he muttered something unintelligible before flipping open his comm. "McCoy to Engineering."

"Scott here."

"Scotty, what the hell are you doin' to the turbolifts?"

"Sorry, doctor, the networks are jammed. It's the last time I let an ensign run the maintenance program," grumbled the Scotsman. "You'll be up and running in twenty minutes, ten if someone hands me the damn wrench now!"

Leonard opened his mouth to retort, but there was a loud clang and suddenly Scotty was yelling that he had to go, and hung up with another apology. He flipped the comm shut and exchanged a look with Victoria, who was now chewing on her lower lip. She couldn't tell if he could sense the slight awkwardness in the air, but his next words indicated he could.

"So, long shift?" he asked, leaning back against the wall casually.

Victoria sighed and set down the PADDs and paperwork at her feet, twisting her fingers together as she straightened up. "Very," she answered. "You?"

"The usual," he said. He was still watching her suspiciously and it made her uncomfortable. Clearing her throat, she shifted her weight from one foot to the other and avoided his eye, trying to will the lift to start moving again.

Unfortunately, she miscalculated how close the PADDs on the floor were to her feet. The toe of her shoe connected with the precarious pile, causing two of the devices to go shooting across the length of the lift right where Leonard was standing, and the sheaf of papers to scatter as a result. Swearing to herself, Victoria tried not to focus on exactly where the PADDs had ended up and bent down to gather up the papers. But before she could, another set of hands had already collected them for her, shuffling them together into a neat pile. Leonard added the PADDs onto the stack of papers just as Victoria reached for them, and their hands touched in the clichéd way she had read about in dozens of different novels and seen happen in over a hundred different rom-coms from every decade over the past two hundred years. And yet, nothing compared to the real feeling: the jolt of electricity that shot through her body from their joint fingertips; the way both of their eyes shot up to look at each other at the same instant and then couldn't look away; and the feeling of sheer exhilaration as she realised that she could finally, finally read his face, and the flash of longing and desire in his eyes was definitely mirrored in her own.

And that was when the spell broke, because she needed to stop thinking about the way his fingers wound around hers, or the way his lips felt against her own, his hand curving around the back of her neck to hold her in place. Jerking her hand back, Victoria stood up and Leonard followed suit, clearly trying to catch her eye even as she refocused her gaze onto the floor. He handed her the papers and the PADDs wordlessly, and she took them, careful to avoid touching him again.

"Thank you," said Victoria, and was embarrassed to realise her voice sounded a little breathless. Clearing her throat, she shoved the sheaf of papers into the pocket of her lab coat and hugged the PADDs to her chest.

"No problem," he said, and she hated how casual he sounded. "Big meeting?"

"Yes." Victoria fought the urge to elaborate and continued to stare at the floor.

"With anyone special?" Why did he keep asking her questions if he sounded so uninterested in her answers?

"Spock," answered Victoria shortly. Trying not to focus on the tension in the room, she bit out, "And you?"

"Bed," said Leonard. "Julia told me to stop sleeping at my desk. You get your hypos this morning?"

"Yes."

"I was gonna stop by your lab to drop 'em off this morning," he said. "Considerin' the way you've been acting, it might've been my only chance to see you if the turbolift hadn't broken down."

Victoria's eyes flashed up to meet his gaze. "What do you mean, how I've been acting?"

Leonard snorted, and suddenly she saw an expression on his face that she hadn't seen directed at her in a while: annoyance. "You really need to ask that question?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Victoria firmly. She turned her head and kept her eyes fixed on the doors of the turbolift, willing them to reopen.

"I think you do," he said quietly, and Victoria felt his hand rest on her elbow, coaxing her fingers off the death-grip they had on her PADDs so he could intertwine their fingers together again. Victoria's other arm sagged and she had just enough sense to keep a hold on the devices, reluctantly meeting Leonard's gaze as his thumb began to rub the now-familiar pattern of semicircles into the back of her hand. Victoria knew she should pull away or step back or even snap at him, but she didn't want to. And then he was giving her that small, crooked smile she had only seen him give her a handful of times before, and that was when he was just a man she ran into once every few years and daydreamed about when the loneliness hit her particularly hard. It was impossible not to smile back, or take a step closer, or even tilt her head up when his other hand brushed against her cheek. She shouldn't do this, she knew she shouldn't kiss him again, it would only hurt worse when she had to leave, but he was standing so close and she was so tired of running away…

And then the turbolift jerked and the computer chirped a happy, "Turbolift maintenance complete" and they were both staring at each other with identical looks of shock on their faces, as if something else had been controlling their actions for what had felt like seconds, but had obviously been longer than that.

"I'm sorry," Leonard said, and his voice was hoarse. His hand dropped from her face, and Victoria bit her lip as he took a few deliberate steps back from her.

"You don't have to be sorry," she said quietly.

"No, I do," he sounded frustrated. "I am sorry, because you told me you didn't want this and I still – I shouldn't – I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

Victoria bit her lip. "Leonard, I never said I didn't want this. I just –"

"I know," he interrupted, a little harshly, and Victoria faltered. "Just forget it."

"I don't know why you're mad at me," she snapped. "You're the one who –" and then, as she realised what she was saying, she snapped her mouth shut.

"What?" he narrowed his eyes. "What did I do now?"

Victoria sighed in defeat. "I heard you, okay? You were talking to Jim a few weeks ago on Science Deck, and you said you… that you didn't want to see me. And I heard the way Jim reacted to it, so I'm sure he thinks I'm a terrible person now as well."

Leonard frowned. "Wait, is that the day you saw me in the bridge and said all that stuff about staying away?" she nodded hesitantly, and he groaned. "Computer, halt turbolift."

They jerked to a stop, and the lights in the turbolift dimmed, indicating they were in emergency stop mode. Victoria gave him a confused look. "This isn't necessary, Leonard. I get it. You don't want to see me, and you shouldn't have to. And a freak accident in a turbolift doesn't change anything; I will stay away from you, if that's what you want."

"That's not what I want at all," he said immediately, and Victoria's heart skipped a beat at the firmness in his tone. "What you heard…" he hesitated, and ran a hand through his hair frustratedly. "Hell, it was out of context, darlin'. Jim doesn't know anything, and he's the last person I'd tell about… that."

"Oh," Victoria blinked. "Wait… what were you talking about then?"

"Nothin' important," said Leonard dismissively. "All Jim knows is I'm crazy about you, but I ain't exactly tryin' to hide it anymore, am I? I just didn't want him to make you uncomfortable, that's all."

Victoria narrowed her eyes. "I'm not sure I believe you, if I'm being honest."

"Forget Jim. Look, I don't want to stay away from you," he insisted, closing the distance between them again. "Darlin', that's the last thing I want." His hand brushed against her cheek, and Victoria's suspicious expression faltered. "How the hell did you think that, after the other night?" he asked softly. "I couldn't even walk away from you."

Victoria's heart skipped a beat. "I…" she began, but then sighed, realising she had nothing to say. "I don't know. Maybe I wanted you to say it, so I didn't have to."

Leonard raised his eyebrows. "I ain't gonna say it. I'm only doin' this for you."

"I know," she smiled weakly. "If it helps, it's not easy."

"You're tellin' me," he smiled tiredly. "I've spent the past couple of weeks drownin' in work so I don't have to think about you."

Victoria's lips twitched. "And I got pulled off-shift because I was working too much."

Immediately, his eyes clouded over with concern. "You okay?"

"Yes," she assured him. "Honestly, I'm so much better now. I was sure you… well, I thought you regretted… that."

Leonard chuckled. "Darlin', I may not be as smart as you, but I ain't an idiot. Trust me, I don't regret anything."

"Okay," nodded Victoria. She felt a weight lift off her chest, and let out a quiet breath of relief. It was short-lived, however, because Leonard was still standing too close, and he was touching her, and he was looking at her. It made her chest tighten again, except this time it wasn't with discomfort, it was with longing; bracing herself, she grasped the hand was still resting against her cheek, and slowly pulled it away. "I don't regret it either," she said softly. "But I meant what I said. If we do this –"

"You don't have to explain," he interrupted her. "I won't force you, darlin', I told you that. But I do want to see you, and talk to you. I never wanted that to stop."

Victoria bit her lip. "And you're not just saying that?"

"No," said Leonard simply. Inwardly, Victoria marvelled at his patience; by now, if she had been in his place, she was sure she'd have lost her temper at the incessant questions.

"Okay," she said slowly. "So… we can go back to normal?"

"We never had to stop bein' normal, darlin'," insisted Leonard. "And you should've told me you overheard me say that. I could've told you I didn't mean what you thought I did."

"I'm not good at talking about things," Victoria made a face. "And I feel like I've already given you one reason not to want to be with me, haven't I?"

"You tryin' to psychoanalyse me, or yourself?" Leonard's lips twitched. "Leave that to the professionals, darlin'."

"Don't push it, Leonard," warned Victoria, even though she knew she sounded more amused than annoyed. "Just because talking to you doesn't feel like therapy, doesn't mean I want counselling."

Leonard chuckled. "Fine, you win," he said. "We can talk about whatever you want. Hell, next time we're in a turbolift together, I'll even make small talk that isn't passive-aggressive."

Victoria giggled. "Deal. Can I complain about Homer?"

"Only if I can complain about M'Benga."

"No way, I love that guy."

"Oh, sure, him she loves," Leonard rolled his eyes, and Victoria found herself laughing at his sullen tone. Suddenly, it was hard to believe she had spent the past few weeks with her heart in her throat, avoiding the mess hall and refusing to talk to or meet the few people on the ship she was truly comfortable with. Now, in the small turbolift with Leonard McCoy standing less than a foot away from her, his warm eyes fixed on her face, it felt silly to have been insecure enough to avoid him for that long.

"Computer, restart turbolift," said Victoria, still smiling. With a cheery beep, they started moving again, and Victoria threw Leonard one last smile before opening up her PADD, intent on refreshing her notes before her meeting.

Unfortunately, Leonard seemed to have other plans.

"So, he said, leaning back against the wall casually. "Just asking…"

"Hmm?" Victoria looked up from her PADD. "What?"

"That kiss," he said. Victoria turned pink and rolled her eyes, but Leonard was grinning now. "C'mon, you can say it."

"Say what?" she asked, pretending she was still reading.

"It was a good kiss."

"It was," she said, trying to keep her voice even. "Although, maybe I should have added that turbolift small talk doesn't include flirting."

"I ain't flirting with you, darlin', I'm just stating facts." When she looked up to glare at him, he winked, and her mouth fell open. He was still chuckling when the turbolift doors opened, but it was the deck with his quarters, so he gave her a two-fingered salute and exited the lift.

Victoria narrowed her eyes. "This isn't what I meant when I said I wanted to talk again," she called out as he started to walk away. "Are you listening to me?" she demanded, annoyance colouring her tone. "You're playing with fire, McCoy."

Leonard turned back and grinned at her, only slightly satisfied to see that she looked incredibly frustrated. "Not at all," he replied, shrugging in pretend innocence. "Just enjoyin' the warmth."