Hey everyone, thank you so much for all your beautiful words. You all reminded me that there's very good reason not to leave this platform. 3
Review Resopnses:
Nagi92 - They did do it! And things only get better from here. We're officially hitting that point where things are being resolved and conversations are happening.
TigrezzTail - The aftermath is so much fun and you're definitely right - having that time to think and process things means it's frequently harder.
Kizziecat3000 - Thank you so much for your comment! You literally made my day. I had to sit down and just- I don't even know, pause? think? love? You just reminded me that there is a very good reason to keep writing and keep updating on here. Thank you so much.
Wingi - Thank you so much for your comment as well! If you do get worried, you are welcomed to message me. I'll likely respond but sometimes things do just pop up and I just pause and think is this worth it. And then I remember that it is. It is. It always is.
You'll get to see the things you've been bracing for begin to take place in this chapter! We're slowly resolving everything - character arcs and plots and everything else.
And yes! Shota is lovely and I have a few side characters who are just fucking epic. Tomoe is another one. Were these guys ever meant to be as important as they ended up being? Not at all, but here we are.
Enjoy everyone!
"They pretty much just kicked you out," Souma signs, flicking his fingers to add a little bit of emphasis. "I'm not over it yet."
Before one of the Konoha-nins spots him, he shifts to fall back in position behind Toru. They're not on ANBU duty this time, instead another team of ANBU are acting as guards, leaving Toru's teammates to stand at Toru's back.
As he passes Sora, he gets an elbow in his gut. He doesn't make a sound but he scowls at her. "What?" He signs. "That hurt!"
"Not the right joke to make," Sora says, but there's an apologetic look on her face and Souma takes that as the best he's going to get. Frowning, he considers his words and-
Well. He had noticed that Toru's been rather down since leaving Uzushio, which is why he'd gone for the joke. Clearly, he hadn't read the mood right. "I'll apologise later," he signs back. Sora nods but doesn't say anything more and Souma falls back into the pattern of running.
They're not moving as quickly as they had when getting to Uzushio, but they're not going very slowly either. It helps that there are no genins to keep up and the Konoha-nins are ready to return home.
In all honesty, Souma's rather surprised that they'd left Uzushio so quickly. Then again, it's not like Uzushio had been in a really bad position and Uzushio is far from weak. The best thing they can now do is show off their strength in the Chūnin Exams. Toru might be Uzukage but it's not Uzushio that needs her Uzukage, it's Konoha.
Maybe Toru's hurt by the fact he's been told to leave so quickly, so easily. Except that doesn't quite feel right to Souma. He knows Toru, (and they will make mistakes despite knowing each other, but they will keep caring despite that), and he knows that Toru will understand why they should be in Konoha. Toru was one of the ones to mention it first. He would never leave Uzushio unless he needed to, not when they've just won an invasion.
Souma chances a look at Dai, who's watching him. "Any ideas?" He asks, still in sign. Dai's mouth twitches downward and she shakes her head in a minute movement.
"Not sure," Dai signs in response. "On guard."
Not the most fluent response, but Souma understands it all the same. Like him, Dai is watching Toru and doing her best she can when they're surrounded by ninjas who need to see them be strong, (the danger of being representatives of their village is this—they cannot be seen as weak).
Perhaps Souma's going about this the wrong way. Maybe it doesn't matter that much that Uzushio is behind them and they're heading towards the Chūnin Exams—maybe it matters more that they're going to Konoha, that Sasuke and Naruto know who he is, that Toru has to face the family he left behind.
(Here is what Toru never suffered: being left alone by someone's choice. Toru had his reasons, wrong as they may be, but that doesn't erase the hurt. Souma forgave Toru but that doesn't change the fact he had still been lost without Toru.)
That makes more sense. Souma will still need to apologise for his words, verbally or through his actions later when they're alone, but more than that, he'll be there for Toru as he figures out what he's doing, what he's going to say. That more than anything else, he reckons, will be causing the problems.
In the end, though, they can only wait.
Konoha welcomes them home. Or, well, Konoha welcomes her people home and Toru and his ninjas are amongst them. The Hokage is there, clad in her Hokage clothes and Toru has that half-beat of I'm-the-imposter. Then, he breathes out slowly, hiding it, and straightens his shoulders, lifts his chin, and meets Tsunade's piercing gaze.
"Thank you for your aid, Tsunade-san," he says as they pass through Konoha's gates.
For a heartbeat, Tsunade is silent, her eyes on her people, (which is what Toru is glad to see), then she looks at him. "It is good to see you in one piece, Toru-san," Tsunade says. "Your village?"
"Safe," Toru says, relief clear in his voice. He doesn't want to hide it, though he doesn't think he could hide it.
(In the aftermath of the invasion, in the aftermath of the panic that filled him at the idea of Uzushio falling, Toru finds it hard to really care how he comes across. He will represent Uzushio, he will do that proudly, but why should he hide his relief? Why should he hide?)
(He's caught up in his mind, twisted and with no time to gather himself properly and actually pause, but that's okay. He'll keep breathing and keep fighting and keep doing his best. He is the Uzukage, he can do nothing less.)
Tsunade nods and makes no further comment. It's a kind thing to do and Toru's not too surprised by that fact. He doesn't know Tsunade very well, never really met her, but he's heard the rumours—and he knows that she's connected to Uzushio. However, as they drift further into Konoha, Tsunade's people surrounding them and Toru's guards keeping close by, she glances at him, thoughtful. "What do you wish to do here?" She asks. Her voice is quiet, barely more than a whisper, and Toru knows no one else but them can hear her.
He swallows. He knows what Tsunade's not saying. This isn't about him being Uzukage or Uzushio or the alliance or treaties or anything. This is about him, Toru Uchiha. He had friends here, had a family here, and he left them behind.
There's a choice here, Toru knows. It's not a way to make amends, that's up to Toru himself. But Tsunade is giving him a chance to speak to Naruto and Sasuke, (because who else would he speak to? Yes, there's Shou and Kiku and Iruka, but they're not the ones nearby and hesitating and not the ones who fought in Toru's village for his people and for him). Toru breathes out and it's steady, even when it doesn't feel like it should be.
In the end, though, there's not really a choice is there? Toru knows what he wants, knows who he's missed. He made mistakes and his actions have consequences and he will always live with those. But it isn't too late to try and fix things, to try and repair relationships, (to tug his boys into his arms and tells them he loves them).
Meeting Tsunade's eyes steadily, he tilts his head, "I think I need to talk with some people." He doesn't say he wants to do it alone. He had once been Konoha's, but now he's Uzushio's first and there's no way he'll be left alone. Then again, Tsunade had also sent a few of her people to Uzushio to help even though she wasn't certain she could trust him.
But maybe Tsunade's like him, believing that people can be better and can be good and can be more. Maybe she, like him, sees what they could be.
(What Toru does not think: he is loved by Sasuke and Naruto and so many more still. That is what swayed Tsunade's mind in the end, even beyond her ties to Uzushio.)
Tsunade nods. "You have some time," she says. "You'll be expected to have an appearance in the final Chūnin Exams along with myself and some of the other Kages who have indicated they'll be coming. However, you have a week or so before then. I'm sure that's enough time."
"Thank you," Toru says, heart pounding. It's probably not the right thing—he's Uzukage and shouldn't be showing that he's in debt to Tsunade, the Hokage. But this isn't about being Kage, not really. This is Toru Uchiha and Tsunade Senju without the trappings of leadership hanging off their shoulders for once.
(This is Tsunade of the Sannin. Tsunade whose team broke and maybe some of the blame lays with her, but the Sannin had been legendary. They had been a team of legends, they had to have been family—once. Maybe Tsunade wishes that she could have what Toru has. A chance to apologise and to make things better. Maybe she wishes that her wayward teammates had returned to her. Maybe this is Tsunade trying to keep Toru and his family from following the same path and fracturing.)
(Here is what Tsunade will learn: her team did not fracture irreparably. They will never be what they once were, but they could have each other in their lives again. Here is what the future may have in store: letters, across nations; hands, reaching out; hearts, opening up once again.)
(In the end, how can it be anything more than reaching out? How can Tsunade and Jiraiya not take the chance Orochimaru has offered to them? But that will be then, and this is now.)
There's no response to that, but Toru doesn't necessarily need one either. He follows Tsunade along as she leads them towards the Hokage's Office. It's an easy route to walk, one Toru knows well.
It… feels less strange than it had previously. Maybe it's because Toru cares a little bit less or maybe it's because he feels settled now. Maybe it's because he'd seen Naruto and Sasuke and maybe they haven't spoken, but he knows they still care for him, (it's not that he had doubted it, but there's that little bit of voice in his head saying 'they don't need you'; but, then again, it's never really been about needing anyone).
The Konoha-nins drift off. Toru knows most of them. Their names are still familiar to him and he has to wonder whether they remember him too. Those who don't go, however, are those much more familiar to Toru. Kakashi and Itachi hesitated at the back, Sakura marching on one side of Sasuke with Sakura on the other, (and they've come so far from when they'd first met and Toru's so proud of them). The others, though, have left in groups.
Toru swallows and smiles at Dai when the other tips her head in question. He has no doubt that his team will have his back, but this is something that he has to do. If Tsunade does the unexpected and lets Toru be alone with Sasuke and Naruto, then he'll leave his ANBU behind too.
(It's not leaving his team behind. This is a conversation he needs to have alone. They, like him, know that sometimes a conversation is best one on one. This isn't something he can have with his team at his back—not to mention, he doesn't want to come across as presenting a force against Sasuke and Naruto. But, more than that, he thinks it'll go okay.)
(And, if it doesn't, if the very worst does occur, then Toru will gather himself and live anyway. This is the path he made for himself and he will walk it, no matter what happens.)
They reach the Hokage's Office in silence and now there's only a few of them. Even Toru's ANBU team have faded away, his team taking over their positions in the shadows. The ANBU had joined another Uzushio group that they'd seen briefly and Toru knows that they'll be sharing what happened at Uzushio with his people who have been trapped here.
Toru doesn't enter the room, pausing in the hallway. Tsunade looks at him, smiles, and tilts her head at the open meeting room next to the office. Swallowing, Toru nods and slides into the room. Behind him, Sasuke and Naruto stand with Sakura and Itachi and Kakashi, (and Toru does not look back, doesn't want to know what they've decided, wants to pull them into a hug and never let go).
He surveys the room, (doesn't look back). The room's fairly standard as far as meeting rooms go, fairly blank walls with one large window, and a single oval table in the centre, chairs scattered around it.
His hands feel sweaty—he's fought in wars and in battles up against S-ranked opponents, but it's facing (the people he left behind) his family that makes him nervous, fear prickling down his spine. Breathing out slowly, he clings to his composure, holding on by his fingertips, and refusing to let it go. He knew this would happen when he came to Konoha, when he saw Naruto, when he saw Sasuke.
A memory, Uzushio, bright and bold and proud forms in his head. The roofs, seals glimmering and coloured tiles gleaming; the sun, shining down on the sea and streets alike; the people, smiling and laughing and living. That is why Toru had left and he can't bring himself to regret that, only the path he'd taken.
The door clicks behind him and he spins around on his heel, eyes wide, composure gone in less than a heartbeat. In front of the closed door, Sasuke stands. Toru stares, caught, breathe stolen. He swallows, throat suddenly dry.
Sasuke looks almost exactly like he did when Toru had left but… he also doesn't. He stands straighter now, and he's taller too. He stares Toru down easily, lifts his chin, and-
And Toru hadn't thought about how Sasuke would grow without him. He'd… forgotten that Sasuke would live his own life while Toru was away. This is not the Sasuke that Toru knew. This is the Sasuke who grew from that one.
He missed all of that growth. He missed all of those memories. How many smiles and laughs and memories has Toru missed? He feels like he should be mourning the kid he knew, grieving what he missed out on—and he is! It's an ache in his chest, something that strikes him to the core; it feels like a sword to the heart, and he knows what that feels like too. Yet, the worst part of it is that he can't help but feel wrong that he feels that way; guilty because he was the one who left. What right does he have to feel bad about missing what he rightly left behind?
He looks at Sasuke's face and can't read the expression that. It hits like he's been winded, like he can't breathe, and Toru is stuck. He doesn't know what to say, what to do, how to act. It's Sasuke and he's family and Toru's never felt further away even when they were in different villages.
Forcing a smile to his face, Toru hopes it doesn't look impersonal, and says, "Where's Takuma?"
It's an awful way to start a conversation and Toru regrets the words the moment they come out of his mouth. Why would he ask such a thing? Not to mention if Takuma's not here, and Toru hasn't seen the ninken at all, then clearly something has gone wrong. What if Takuma died while Toru was gone? What if-
"At home," Sasuke says, breaking through Toru's thoughts. He folds his arms, slow. A shiver threatens to run through Toru. "He was injured recently, but he's resting. He's fine." Then, Sasuke pauses.
"Where were you?" The words are spat out like acid and Toru staggers beneath the blow of them. He still can't read Sasuke's expression—can tell whether he's angry or hurting or blaming Toru. Maybe it's all of them. Maybe it's none of them.
Swallowing, Toru says, carefully, "I was in Uzushio." Except that much has been obvious from the beginning. Toru came back not just as an Uzushio-nin but as Uzukage. Sasuke knows where Toru's been. And… and he's not asking where Toru was. He's asking why Toru hadn't been here, hadn't been at Sasuke's side, hadn't been the family Toru had promised they were.
Sasuke's expression doesn't change nor does his posture. His arms are still crossed and he's still watching Toru and there's still so much space between them. In his ears, Toru's heartbeat is loud, even though his breathing remains soft. "Uzushio needed me," Toru says, wanting Sasuke to understand, trying to get Uzushio to understand. Except his words are soft, there's nothing to them, they're just empty platitudes and they fall to the floor, shattering between them.
"I needed you!"
The words ring between them, shouted suddenly, heart-broken and catching on Sasuke's lips. Sasuke's shoulders tremble and he uncrosses his arms, wiping beneath his eyes. Toru swallows, fingers twitching uselessly at his sides as Sasuke cries. It's not his position to step beside Sasuke and comfort him—he gave that up.
For another moment, there is silent. "You were my brother," Sasuke says. These words aren't shouted or spat out but Toru's breathe seizes. He wants to close his eyes against the blow of the words, but he doesn't. He did this. But… But he knows how complex Sasuke's relationship with brothers are and this is Sasuke's claim—that they are brothers.
"Yeah," Toru says and the word sticks to his tongue, has to be shoved out. He rubs his eyes, aching, and says, "We were family." Sasuke doesn't speak and Toru takes the chance to offer an explanation, (he doesn't move, doesn't cross the distance and try to bridge the gap between them, though he wants to, desperately).
"Konoha wasn't mine," he says slowly. "Not… Not really. Konoha was home because my family was here. It my family that made Konoha home and… and when I wasn't needed, I thought it was better to go." He hesitates then, knowing the pain he's caused and knowing that he can only say the truth here and nothing less, continues, "I didn't want to wait to be ignored."
(It's a selfish desire but Toru has always been a selfish person.)
"I was Uzushio's a long time ago," Toru says. And he meets Sasuke's gaze, can hardly do anything else. "I was born Toru Mizushima then and lived a life as an Uzushio-nin. When Kirigakure invaded our waters and came to our island and the Uzukage died, it was me who stepped into the robes she'd left behind. It was me who helped get our people out to safety and it was me who died as we did our best to buy the refugees more time.
"Uzushio was my home and my family were there and my team was there—and it was mine. The people were perfect and the village was perfect and life was perfect there. Then Kirigakure came and my people fled on our orders and there were two of us who knew how to call our people back. Two of us! And Ayumu died. She died and I couldn't stop and we never even found out who did it, only that she was poisoned." The words are torn from Toru's throat, and he's never moved past his grief. It lives with him, bitter and hurting, and some days it's worse but most days it's easy to live with.
"She died and I became Uzukage," Toru continues, not bothering to fight the words pouring out of him. "I became Uzukage and I fought to buy time and then I died as well. Uzushio brought me back. It was a chance to call our people back and it was a chance to live again and it was a chance to find a family and it was- I never regretted living again. But I had to call Uzushio back, I had to go back home, I had to go."
This isn't like telling his teammates. That had a been a thing in the darkness, in comfort, in grief and fractured nightmare memories. This is a thing of the light, something pulled from him and placed in everyone's eyesight.
"And what about me?" Sasuke says. "I get- Whatever. That happened and you had to go to Uzushio. But what about me? What about Naruto? What about your family who was here? So what if Itachi-nii came back? He wasn't the one who stood with me after our clan was massacred! He wasn't the one who changed the Academy system! He wasn't the one who took in Naruto! He wasn't the one who told Kakashi-sensei to do better! He wasn't the one who was here! That was you, Toru."
Sasuke looks wild, looks grieving and angry and hurting and it's Toru's fault. He hates what his actions have done and maybe he should've gone about everything differently—but he would have left, in the end. "I'm sorry that I hurt you," Toru says, nothing but truth in his voice. "I'm so, so sorry that I did that but I can't take it back." He pauses, for a second, because as much as he wants to rekindle his relationship with Sasuke, to love him and have him as his family, Sasuke might not want the same. No matter what he feels, Toru will honour that. "Do you want me to go?"
"No!" The word bursts out of Sasuke's mouth. "How did you get that? I want you to stay. I want to be at your side. I want to see you laugh and smile and I want to make new memories. I want to live with you in my life."
A choked sob rises from Toru. He's not sure who moves first—whether it's him or if it's Sasuke, but suddenly he's gripping Sasuke in his arms, crushing the other tight to his chest. Closing his eyes, he holds on and believes, for one second, that everything will be alright.
(This? This is not love. Or it's not just love. It's choices and hope and belief and trust. It's laughter at night and in the afternoons and the seconds the sun comes up. It's memories of soft hands and gentle touches and forehead kisses. It's lessons taught of taijutsu and grief and kindness. It's Toru and Sasuke and it's family—family that they choose.)
(It's always been about choice and love and family. That's just how it goes, isn't it?)
"I'm sorry," Toru repeats, hardly able to do anything. "I love you and I miss you so, so much and- and we can try, right? We can do better. I can do better. We can try despite-"
"Yes," Sasuke answers, cutting Toru off with a rough voice. "Yes to all of that. I missed you to and I love you." For another long moment, they're still holding onto each other as if nothing else is holding them up, as if nothing else in the world exists. Then Sasuke steps back and Toru lets him go.
Sasuke meets Toru's gaze. "But you have to be better. I deserve better than someone telling me they love me and then running off. I get that you have your hang ups and I'm going to try and be better too. But we both have to try. You're my family and I don't want to lose that. Not again. I've lost enough family in this life."
"I promise," Toru says. They're such simple words, such small ones, but Sasuke believes them. It's because Toru's the one saying them. Of course it is, and maybe Toru left and let him down—but Toru is here and he loves him and it's not perfect. It won't be perfect, because perfection doesn't exist and Toru did leave and even if he came back, he still missed over a year of Sasuke's life and-
And it hurts that Sasuke hadn't been enough. But this is Toru and Sasuke knows Toru, understands him, and he's not surprised, (to Sasuke, Toru had been the safe harbour in the storm; to Sasuke, Toru had been something entirely new and different; to Sasuke, Toru had been family). What makes it easier—not better, but easier—is that Toru doesn't talk to him like he's a kid. Toru never really did, but here they are equals and Toru has adjusted to that easily.
It won't make things easy and it won't be perfect. There are missing pieces and they don't know how to exist in the same space but…
Sasuke thinks about how Toru gripped him to his chest and didn't let go. He thinks about how Toru's arms wrapped around him so easily. He thinks about how Toru's heartbeat is still a comforting lullaby. Maybe Toru left but it's not Sasuke simply stopped loving him. This Toru might be slightly different, but it's still Toru.
For that, Sasuke will try. Because it's Toru and he loves Toru, loves every possible Toru, and will never stop loving Toru, (doesn't think it's even possible). It'll be hard, that much Sasuke knows already. But loving someone—loving anyone—has never been easy. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. Loving someone is hard and hurts and sometimes Sasuke doesn't think anything has been more difficult.
But loving is also easy. It's shared smiles and thoughts of them at random moments. It's laughter loud and quiet and everything in between. It's moments of stupidity caught and shared and moments of genius quickly shouted about. It's memories across time and Sasuke's pounding heart and the warmth that fills his whole body.
It's love and Sasuke's always been weak to it, (but everyone is truthfully).
Meeting Toru's gaze, staring at this kind and careful and gentle man who loves him and who Sasuke loves back, Sasuke smiles. It's easy even though it feels like it almost shouldn't be so easy. "Okay," he says and watches a delighted grin grow on Toru's face.
"Okay," he repeats, moments later, too caught up in the moment, in the joy buoying him up. And Sasuke doesn't know the future, but when he reaches out, Toru reaches back effortlessly and Sasuke buries himself into Toru's side. "We're going to do this," Sasuke mumbles. "And it's all going to be okay."
A laugh rumbles through Toru's body and it sounds like music to Sasuke's ears. He lifts his head, having to look up slightly, and sees Toru staring down at him. "It's not going to be just anything," Toru says. "It already is."
And, well, Sasuke can't argue with that so he just smiles and loves with everything he is. After all, his family is back together and everything's good. What more could he want in his life? It's never been better than this and it's only going to get better.
And so Toru returns to Konoha, returning to the Chūnin Exams and a Konoha he left behind. But, at last, he finally finds himself face-to-face with Sasuke and sharing a conversation that has been coming for a very, very long time.
Firstly, I'd just like to say I am so excited to have gotten to this point in the fic and we're definitely entering the final arc now. We're really getting down to the end of this. I might've actually been around about my guess of only 40 chapters! Which is... something.
This chapter starts off with Souma not really thinking things through to be honest. But that's life, right? You make mistakes and you do shit and it doesn't work out the way you want it to. That's okay, though, you make mistakes and you apologise and life moves on and things get forgotten. You don't get to see Souma's apology, and I don't think you will in this fic actually, but I don't think it's really needed either.
Writing 'I'm the imposter' makes me think of Among Us despite the fact I've never actually played. But it was more a reference to imposter syndrome and how Toru's been kinda battling that.
Moving on though, shout out to the server gang who helped me with the Orochimaru bit. We won't get to see this in the fic, once again, but Orochimaru and Tsunade and Jiraiya do meet up with each other again. I'm sure their relationship won't be what it once was, but they'll have something. I will admit I had a great time laughing at how the server was having feels over this scene only for me to move into writing Sasuke's part which gave me feels.
Speaking of Sasuke's part... The whole conversation with Toru. I hope you guys got all the feels from that. I do worry whether I'm managing to write emotions well and actually make the readers feel something as well. Fingers crossed I managed that!
Also the server moved into a conversation of best and worse things Toru could say and man was I having a great time. The best case scenario, in my head, would be Toru apologising straight away. The worst case scenario... Well, I think we got pretty close. Toru was very much not starting that conversation very well.
Anyway, I got to talk about love for a bit. Which, shout out to Good_Grief who's currently talking about love with me and definitions and stuff for it. It's definitely a lot of things and always an interesting discussion.
One of the very intriguing things I was thinking about as I wrote Sasuke towards the end there is the comparison between him and Naruto in relation to how they react - to Toru's disappearance and his return and how they speak with him.
Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed! Look after yourselves, I'll catch you in the next chapter.