Chapter 39: Last Farewell

Jacob POV

Isn't it crazy how life works? One minute you think everything is just falling into place, and then the next, it's taken away from you, snatched from you as if it never belonged to you in the first place. What was my place in this world now? Why did it even matter? The pain of breaking my ribs? Nothing. The pain of being away from Lauren for a while? Nothing. The pain of burying my mom, saying goodbye to her for a final time in the spirit world? That was something, but this was worse.

Way, way worse. Completely, mind-numbingly worse.

What was the world without Grandma Inola? What was the point of listening to the wind blowing through the trees, when her laughter wasn't a part of that sound? What was the point in having problems when she wasn't there to help you through them? What was the point of anything anymore?

The world had turned dark in the space of a minute. Completely dark and unavoidable too. We all now faced our worst demons head on because our angel wasn't here to help guide us past them.

Our angel had flown away and we were stuck in this hell without a way out.

"Jacob?"

I didn't respond. What was the point? Every time I spoke, it sounded wrong. Every time I thought, it felt wrong. Nothing was right anymore.

"Son, please look at me"

I didn't look at him, though I knew I should. Because it wasn't just my pain that had rolled up into a ball and threated to destroy anything in it's path. It was a whole pack of pain, the ball was so large now that it could destroy this entire town if it wanted. The entire state.

"Son, it's time to go. We don't want to be late"

Oh yeah. The funeral. The whole point of waking up today.

"I can't do it dad" the voice broke halfway. But it didn't sound like mine. Is that how I sounded?

I felt his warm touch on my shoulder "You can son. You can do it"

"I can't dad-"

"-look at me son, please"

I didn't feel in control of my own body anymore. Something made me lift my head to stare at my father's grieving face. A little turned down from how it was with my mom, but it was still there.

"Grandma Inola would want you there, son. She'd like to say goodbye to you for a final time-"

"-I can't say goodbye anymore! I feel like that's all I'm doing is saying goodbye to people I love!" I felt something hot touch my cheeks, it felt like liquid. Was this the sensation of crying? I wouldn't know, I was already numb.

"Funerals are about saying goodbye son. But they're also a way for us to welcome those who have passed into their new world, the better world. If saying goodbye is too hard, then you stand up, strong and proud and you shout out loud Welcome home!-"

"-but she's not home dad! She's gone-"

"-she's only gone from this world Jacob. Family makes a home and take a guess at who is waiting for her? Hm? You think Timiko and Elena would leave her all by herself to come home? I bet my last dollar they're waiting for her now"

"It's hurts so much dad, it just hurts-" There was some sensation back in my body, but with this sensation brought the pain. The pain that really, really hurt. Hunched over, sobbing into my father's arms, like when I was little, wasn't the worse of it, heck no! The worst part would come soon. Later maybe. Or tomorrow, or the day after. I didn't know when, but it was coming for me. It was coming for all of us and it was going to tear us apart.

Dad cradled my head, as if holding a newborn baby, rocking back and forth "I know you're a man now son, but if you need to hold your dad's hand today, you do it, you hear me? Let the pain consume you son, feel it. Let it penetrate every single cell in your body. Because without the pain, she was never really real. Without the pain you're feeling now, she never existed. So take it as it is and feel it son. Let it hurt! Let it cause you agony so unbearable you want to tear yourself apart to make it stop!" his voice cracked at last as he spoke through tears himself, and I knew then that I had completely lost my mind to feel comfort from his speech. So I did what he said. I let the pain consume me.

I didn't know how it happened, but I found myself in an unfamiliar building, decorated in our national colours of mourning and respect. Was I even supposed to be here? I felt like I was trespassing on someone else's funeral. Some guy stood at the front of the room. When did all these people get here? He started talking about Grandma Inola's life, how good it had been. Yeah, it had been good, but there was also a time when it was bad. When she lost her first baby. When she lost her daughter, when she lost her husband and then when she almost lost her grandson. But what did these people know of it? They didn't understand it. How could they? They weren't there when she needed someone to help her stand up because her knees were aching. They weren't there when she made tea and offered brisket. They just weren't there.

But I was. Paul was. The entire pack was. We were all there, and now I look at these faces, some I don't recognise, some I do. I know that they all just want to be here today to say goodbye to her. To the one woman that helped this tribe reach up to the mountains.

Then it was time for the viewing. The viewing they called it. Dad didn't let me see my mom when it came to the viewing. He said he didn't want me to remember her that way, still and cold. He was right, I'm glad I didn't see my mom one last time, not like that anyway.

Could I really look at Grandma Inola now? Cold and still?

Dad took hold of my hand on one side, my Aunt Connie on my other. Colin was next to me somewhere, but I didn't turn to look.

"I've got you son"

Paul should be here. They said they would wait for as long as they could, but after 4 days, Grandma Inola's body started smelling funky. No way to contact them, no way to send a wolf out to get them, to tell them what had happened here at this place. But something in me told me he knew. He knew what had happened.

"Son, you don't have to look at her if you don't want too-"

"-no. I want too. I have too"

I approached the casket and saw my angel, lying there, so still. She looked so beautiful, even in death. Her kind of beauty had to be a sin. How could someone be so beautiful? But I noticed something. No, this wasn't right.

"Why is she lying like that?" I said to no one in particular, but it was Aunt Connie who answered me.

She placed gentle hands on my shoulders "What do you mean nephew?"

I sniffed loudly "She doesn't like sleeping on her back. She likes to sleep on her side and she isn't tucked in! Why isn't she tucked in!-" I felt a pair of arms around me, pulling me back.

Somewhere, or something blew past me. A powerful wind that would have swept me off of my feet and into the air if I'd let it. But my dad and my aunt were holding me down, they wouldn't let me go. It circled me, as if an old friend were here to comfort me, sweeping past me and towards the casket that lay open in front of me. It circled once, it circled twice and then it ceased to exist.

"No, get off!" I screamed "I have to tuck her in! She can't sleep if she's not tucked in! Let go of me!" I fell to the ground with earth shattering sobs that shook my body like convulsions. I was aware of someone trying to lift me off of the floor, but I didn't help. Something cold touched my hair, my shoulder and then my face, but my eyes were too full of tears to see who the hand belonged too.

"It's okay son, come on, I've got you-" Now there were warm hands on me, lifting my incredible weight from the ground and standing me on my weak knees. I didn't look at her again as I was towed away. I was taken outside, into the cold, wintry air, but it felt good to gulp it into my lungs, refreshing my soul. Why did I look at her? Why did I do that?

"Just take a minute son, there's no rush here-" I heard dad's words and listened. I was just doing what people told me to do at this stage. My body acting with their words. I think Aunt Connie was holding Colin, who was also crying, in her arms, whilst my dad just stared at me, heart break in his eyes.

I was young when my mom died, and whilst I did cry when I understood she wouldn't come back from that place in the sky, I didn't truly understand what death meant. Now I was older, I had more understanding of what the word meant. I wasn't just grieving Grandma Inola today and dad knew that. I could see it in his eyes. Now I was older, my reactions to death were different. My reactions understood what it was now and acted accordingly to the knowledge that the two women that had made a big impact on my life were gone and never coming back.

But maybe- maybe Grandma Inola was waiting. Maybe she was waiting there.

I stood up, my legs shaking, and dried my eyes with the backs of my hands. Dad took hold of my hand and squeezed it tightly "You're alright son, don't worry I'm not gonna leave you". No, he wouldn't leave me. He would one day, but right now, he was here with me, gripping onto my hand to try and keep me from breaking down again. But I knew that wouldn't be the last of it. Whether it be tonight or tomorrow night, I'd do this all over again as the fresh wave of pain overrode my senses.

I wondered what Paul was feeling. Did he really know what happened? How was he?

"Dad" I muttered. The sound of the word on my tongue felt warm and bright. Dad was here.

"Yes son?"

I sniffed loudly again "I have to go and find Paul"

"Jacob, son. He is far away. Old Quil said he will be at the top of the mountain by now, and even for a wolf, it's a difficult trek through the forest-"

"-I can't just stay here dad. I have to do something-"

"-Lauren is on her way back right now. Come on, let's get you home and we can wait for her there"

I did feel bad about that. After I had seen what had happened to Grandma Inola in Leah and Seth's minds, I cut everyone out and slept on the beach for 2 days. Not doing anything, not really existing. Dad was the one to call her and tell her what happened, but she herself was far away in the mountains, camping with her family. It took them 2 days to trek back down and then another 2 days to drive back to La Push, but even though she missed the funeral, I knew she would want to say goodbye to Grandma Inola in her own way, and I don't think I can handle doing it a second time. Not today at least.

Back at home, I resumed my original state of zombie. I know she wasn't my real grandma, but who cares really? Who actually cares about blood? She was the only grandma I ever knew. My mom's parents had died when I was born and my dad's parents had died before I was born.

Grandma Inola was the only grandparent I ever had. Was there a spirit on the other side, watching my life play out and laughing? Who would go next? Who would it pick off next?

I briefly heard the door open and Lauren cry out "Oh Jacob!" through tears of her own. She threw herself into my waiting arms. Nothing else mattered to me right now, except for my imprint. I held her in my arms and let her cry. I know she needed too but I just didn't have it in me to respond to her teary questions.

Why did this happen, she asked. What are we going to do now?

I had no idea, because what was this tribe, what was this pack without Grandma Inola?

Paul POV

The mediation part of our journey was completed. Even after the 3 days, Embry and I still couldn't understand what was meant for clarity. Was it something obvious? So, after we finished our last meal, we packed up and continued our way up to the top of the mountain to see a friend of Old Quils. He had warned us that she was quite, er, rushed. That was to say, she forgot that people ate, drank and needed bathroom breaks. We were there now actually, Embry and I. We got here last night, completely exhausted and starving. The shaman, Amitola, had a feast of meat, potatoes and vegetables waiting for us when we arrived. She asked us to sleep for 5 hours precisely and then wake up to start the next step of our journey; spirit walking. I was very nervous to go back there, having already promised myself I wouldn't do it again, not unless I have to. But Amitola was sure that this was an important step in cleansing our souls. I thought she spoke too much personally.

So that was where we found ourselves now. Lying on our backs on her dirt floor, whilst she sang a strange song and beat a drum. I felt ridiculous, but soon I felt the familiar weightlessness of my spirit leaving my body and was welcomed to the world as it was, though misty with the afterlife.

I stood up, leaving my body behind and waited for Embry to join me. Man, he was taking his time! I watched him wake up and look at my lifeless body with wide eyes, before lying back down and squeezing his eyes shut. I knew he would struggling because he'd never done this before. I had been doing it for my whole life without even knowing it. Jacob could do it because he had a motive to be able to do it. But Embry didn't really have anything to motivate him to come here. It took an hour, but his spirit finally sat up from his body.

"You took your time" I joked.

He didn't speak at first. He was looking at all of this for the first time. The mist that clung to the air around us, the sight of our bodies lying on the floor, Amitola chanting silently, arms thrown into the air.

"Dude, this is weird"

I chuckled "Yeah. Come on, we'd better go-"

"-go where exactly? She didn't tell us what to do here!"

I rolled my eyes "Dude, the whole point of this is to figure out why we need to do this. If we're told, then it's not much use to us. We have to figure it out for ourselves, find what we need to find ourselves"

He grumbled "It would have been easier if she had just told us"

We flew up into the air and left the cabin. I honestly wasn't exactly sure what we were supposed to be doing here, but I hated being back here.

"It's alright, I'm with you this time. I won't leave you" Embry reassured me.

We flew around, not really sure of where to go, not sure of what to do. I was hoping there would be a moment when we felt like we were summoned somewhere particular, but nothing came over us.

Until two hours after we had both entered the spirit world. A ripple of fear consumed me. It made me feel uncomfortable, like it was burning me.

"Oh man, can you feel it too?" Embry said from beside me.

I nodded "Yeah. What do you think it-"

My question went unfinished as we found ourselves suddenly on First Beach. What the hell?

"Uh-"

"-don't bother asking why. I can figure it out" I said. I could see her from here, on the edge of the cliff. The edge where we cliff jump from.

And I could see it.

Then I saw Seth and Leah's wolves battle with the leech, finally taking it down and disposing of it. I watched Leah caress Grandma's head, willing her to live. Oh God. Oh, please don't tell me this is happening! Not my Grandma!

"Let's go" Embry said immediately. We flew straight up to the scene, just as Leah lifted Grandma up in her arms and carried her through the forest, towards the others.

"Come on Grandma Inola! You've had worse than this! You almost lost Paul once, don't let him lose you this time!"

"Embry" I whispered. Embry gripped my arm as we followed Leah through the forest, blowing bushes and low tree branches from her path until she reached the rest of the pack. Jacob took Grandma in his arms and rushed her to Sue's house.

They didn't need to say it. I already knew. Grandma was gone.

"Paul… I'm so sorry-"

"-it's okay. It's, uh-" It wasn't okay. I wasn't okay. But what could I do? I couldn't fall to the ground and weep, like I so desperately wanted to do. Tears could not be shed in this place.

"What do you want to do?" he asked, his hand still gripping my arm. Probably waiting for the grief to hit me. But it hadn't yet. Why wasn't it hitting me yet? What kind of grandson was I that I couldn't feel immediate grief for my Grandma? I watched her lifeless body being carried by the pack to Sue, I watched as she tried everything she could to revive her. I even watched when they called Carlisle to help. Then when Carlisle all about gave up with the revival attempts, Edward took over. Then Rosalie, then Esme. But there was nothing anyone could do.

Grandma was dead.

"I should never have left" I whispered to myself. It was no one else's fault but my own. She was my Grandma, and I shouldn't have left her. How selfish could I be?

"Paul, what do you want to do?" Embry's voice broke with tears that could not fall. I had almost forgotten that he was just a part of Grandma Inola's life as the rest of them. My grief (when it finally forced me to my knees) would not be suffered alone. The grief would be shared. Shared by humans, shapeshifters and vampires alike. We all grieved for Grandma Inola.

We watched the Cullen's take Grandma Inola to the morgue in an ambulance. Jacob went with her, which I was grateful for. But I could already see in his eyes. The grief had hit him hard.

"Paul? What do you want to do? Do you want to follow?"

I swallowed hard. What did I want to do?

And then it hit me. If Grandma had died, her spirit would be here. Somewhere here. It had to be!

"Paul, I'm not sure Grandma would have stayed here. You know she would have gone straight to Grandpa Timiko-"

"-maybe not. Not if she had something to say to me-" this was a complete whim, but it was all I had to keep me going. I grabbed Embry's arms and spun him round to face me "-remember what Amitola said, about finding out clarity on this spirit walk? What if this is it? What if this needed to happen for me to find my clarity?"

I hated myself for thinking like that. For my life to run smoothly, for it to be peaceful and happy, did Grandma Inola really have to die?

"That's absurd Paul. Are you saying that Grandma had to die for you to find your clarity?"

"No! I'm not saying that. We need to find her. I know she's here"

I did, in fact, not know if she was here or not, but I had to do something. Because if this wasn't my clarity, I didn't want it. I would not endure another minute in this part of the world if I had to search and search for something I didn't even know I needed to find.

"Paul, I really don't think-"

"-Embry please! Just- just be my brother! My real brother and help me! Please"

He nodded once "Let's go"

Gyda POV

The day when I had met Bella was one of the best day's of my entire existence. But this day, today, would be another one added to the very small list. Today was the day I finally reunited with my old friend, the stupid idiot. Honestly, what the hell was he thinking? Why didn't he just die and have fun in Valhalla?

"Bella, are you almost ready to go?" I called out. We were due to meet him in the place where I had taken Bella a few days ago. The place that used to be my home. I called out again. She wasn't replying. Her bedroom door was shut, and I couldn't hear her thoughts. Panic suddenly consumed me and I launched myself into her room. Phew, it's okay, she was just looking out of the window.

"Bella? You almost ready to go?" I asked again. She turned to look at me and the tear tracks that raced across her cheeks had me worried. Very worried. She clutched her phone tightly in her hands near her chest, wringing them back and forth.

"Hey, what's the matter?" I pulled her into my arms where she cried loudly into my jacket. I'd never much dealt with crying humans.

"Oh God, Gyda, I can't believe it-"

I pulled her back to I could see her. I still couldn't read her thoughts! "Bella, what is it? Why are you so upset?"

She sniffed loudly "Jacob just called me-"

"-is it Paul? Has something happened?" Stupid moron. If he'd got himself killed, I'd revive him somehow, and then kill him again myself.

"Grandma Inola died" she leaned back into me as a fresh wave of sobs overcame her small body. I just held her, not really knowing what to say.

It was all a bit weird. Grandma Inola just died? Like that? I hadn't ever met her, but the way everyone described her to me, she was as fit as a fiddle. Never had problems, well, except for her legs, but Bella said the medication was helping!

"What do you want to do?" I asked her, already knowing the answer. I pushed down the sadness that threatened to spill inside of me just as she answered.

"I want to go home Gyda! I want to be with my family" she cried.

Of course she did. Who was I to stop her from doing that? Why did I ever include myself as part of her family? It was absurd of me but I supposed it was the monster in me that wanted to be wanted by someone human. I had had a very lonely existence and I had been selfish to ask her to come to Sweden with me. I shouldn't have been so keen to get to know Bella. What good had it done so far?

I felt ashamed of myself. Bella only wanted to come here to please me. Why have I only just realised that? Was I so caught up in myself that I forgot about her needs? Her human needs.

Now I saw myself for what I really was… a selfish vampire.

"I'll book the flights now. Start packing your things" I mumbled and left the room.

There was a flight from Stockholm airport to New York in two hours. That would have to do.

30 minutes later, the apartment was locked up and we were on our way to the airport. I was driving a little faster than normal humans did, but at this point, I couldn't care less. Over and over in my mind was the word SELFISH. Why did I think it was a good idea to ask Bella to come here with me? I hadn't even had a chance to see someone I hadn't seen for a very long time. But that would have to wait. Bella's needs came first. They always came first before what I wanted.

"Are we almost there?" she asked, pushing his tiny fists against the dashboard, willing the car to go faster.

"10 more minutes. Please relax Bella"

She just scoffed.

Relax, how the hell can I relax? I knew I shouldn't have come here! I knew something would happen if I left! I wonder if Paul knows, oh God Paul! He's going to be devastated, he's going to-

I stared at the wet roads with intensity, distracting myself from listening to anymore. So, even Bella knew she shouldn't have come with me. Well, that was it. When we got back, I'd give her space. I'd give her time. If she wanted to see me, then I'd be there. But if she didn't want to see me, well, I'd stay away.

I wanted Edward now. I realised embarrassingly. I wanted him to hold me so I could try my best to cry and weep, knowing no tears would fall. I wanted him to tell me that I hadn't been selfish even though I know I had been.

I didn't talk anymore. Everything I said always seemed to make it worse. We got to the airport and then our terminal within 10 minutes, and soon we were sitting on the plane, waiting for it to take off. Bella was jumping up and down in her seat, thinking hard about how she could hurry the plane up.

"Bella, they'll take off when they're ready. Please just calm down-"

"-don't tell me to calm down Gyda! Coming here was a bad idea, I'm sorry, but it was" she hissed.

I sighed heavily and looked out of the window, watching the man in the cart drive away from the plane's engine.

How did she even die? She was fit and healthy when I had left! Oh God if it's something bad… what if it was a vampire? Oh God, I'd never forgive myself for leaving if that were it! What if she got attacked by a vampire? Why didn't Edward look after her like I told him to? Oh God, no!

Distract yourself Gyda.

I didn't think it was fair of her to blame Edward for this. If it were a vampire attack, Edward would have known straight away. He wouldn't have left her side if the vampire were in the local area. He would have known. Unless he had left the area. No. He would have known regardless. The plane doors were sealed and the engine's started up.

Ugh, finally! Hurry up and get me home plane! I can't believe it's another flight when we get to New York, how long does it have to take to get me back to my family?

And that right there was why I didn't talk anymore. Bella didn't see me as her family, did she? I was just an inconvenience right now. Something in the way of her being with her real family. Her alive and breathing family. The family that had actual blood running through their veins.

I couldn't blame her for that. I wasn't exactly supposed to be in her life. If nature had just run it's course like it was supposed to, I'd be a rusty old skeleton somewhere in England right now, and she wouldn't have had a clue about my relationship to her. That was the way it was supposed to be.

Was it too late to change that now? If I left, would she be upset? Would she mind?

It took a whole flight to New York to help me decide. I deduced that Bella would be upset if I left, but she'd get over it quickly. She had the pack and her father to help her through it, she had Paul. I could never compete against him for Bella's time and attention. He was her first priority, as he should be.

"When is the next flight leaving?" she asked impatiently as we sat in the New York airport, in those little plastic chairs overlooking the wide window.

"Uh-" I checked my phone "-it's in 45 minutes. Listen, I'm going to go and grab some food, do you want anything?"

She scoffed again "Do you honestly think I can eat right now? I feel like I'm going to be sick. I just want to get home!" she whispered, mostly to herself. But I heard her.

I decided then that it was best for me to leave her now. Get it over and done with. I knew she'd be safe getting the flight back herself. She had already done it once from Phoenix without her mum, she knew what she was doing. I had done too much damage. I had pulled her away from the place she desperately wanted to be. I wouldn't do that anymore. I wouldn't be selfish anymore.

"Okay. See you Bella. Love you"

"Yeah, see you later" she said to the floor. To the floor. With one last sigh, I turned and left. Without looking back at the only thing worth existing for now. What did I have left?

Edward. Yes. But did he even want me? As soon as I was out of the airport, I ran. None of the humans would even notice me passing by, I was running too quickly.

I didn't have a destination, but right now, I couldn't go back. I couldn't face their thoughts.

Why did she even ask Bella to go with her in the first place?

It's unhealthy! An unhealthy obsession!

Why doesn't she just leave her alone? Bella needs to be with her real family!

Yeah, I would not put myself through that. Solitude existence was calling me back now. I had stayed here for far too long. It was time to move on.

Paul POV

How long had we searched for now? A few hours? Days? Time didn't mean anything here so we didn't have a clue what condition our bodies would be in now. But this was important and worth staying behind for. I had gone to her house, to the beach, I'd even gone to Jacob's but she wasn't here!

Right now, Embry and I were following a large procession of people filing into a building that was draped with black banners.

"I have a feeling I know who this is for" he said from beside me. Yeah, I did too.

The grief still hadn't hit me yet. Why? Why not!? I was impatient for it now! I wanted it to gut me, rip me open from the inside and bring me to my knees in unbearable pain.

"Dude, Jacob" Embry pointed in front. Jacob was being led through the crowd by Billy and Connie Littlesea, with Colin standing behind him. He looked really bad.

"He doesn't look good, does he?" Embry answered my thought. No, he didn't look good. It looked like grief had already hit Jacob Black. I knew Grandma Inola meant the world to him, but I never would have imagined he'd react this way. Jacob looked like he'd said goodbye to his mom all over again.

"Should we go in?"

I nodded "Yeah. Let's go"

I didn't know if Grandma would be here, but I figured it was a good place to start. Because we had started from scratch now, having already searched everywhere we could think of. Surely Grandma had to be at her own funeral?

We hovered over the whole thing, listened to the pointless garbage coming from the man that stood in front of Grandma's coffin. He didn't even know her. Jacob was gripping Billy's hand somewhere in the front. Billy looked worriedly at his son, almost waiting for him to snap. The rest of the pack wasn't here. I guessed that Sam had taken over as Alpha for a little while and put them all on patrol duty. That worried me.

If he's got them patrolling and not at Grandma's funeral, then Sam thinks there could be more than one leech lurking around the area. He'd rather have the pack getting rid of the danger than saying goodbye to another of their numbers. I understood his reason.

Soon, it was time for people to view Grandma's body before they took it away for burial. I wasn't mad or upset that they didn't wait for me to come back from my journey to hold the funeral. I knew that a body only held it's freshness for 4 days, and our tribe didn't like using anything on our dead that would affect them artificially. No embalming fluid, nothing. So this was the longest they could hold out and I'm grateful at least that I can still be here, even if I were on the other side.

I watched Jacob stumble to the casket with Billy holding onto him. Then he started screaming.

"She doesn't like sleeping on her back. She likes to sleep on her side and she isn't tucked in! Why isn't she tucked in!-" Colin wrapped his arms around Jacob's torso, stopping him from trying to move Grandma Inola's position. Jacob was fighting back but he just didn't have the strength in him to do a successful job of it. That was it. I couldn't just hover over and watch this. I swooped down and circled Jacob, once, twice and a third time before I left to hover above the scene with Embry again. It wasn't comfort, but it was the best I could do whilst in this form. I hoped Jacob knew it was me.

"No, get off!" he screamed "I have to tuck her in! She can't sleep if she's not tucked in! Let go of me!"

This was when she appeared. She looked at beautiful as she did when she were alive, maybe even more so now. I noticed in death, she walked with a grace that she probably had missed for years when she were alive. Then I realised, she would not be in pain anymore. The thought somewhat cheered me, though this would be something I'd have to remember when I woke up. Grandma wasn't in pain anymore.

Embry and I watched her kneel beside Jacob, tucking her arm through his and trying to help him up from the floor. When that didn't work, she smiled painfully, touching his head, his shoulder, his face. She cupped his face in her hands, as she said, "I'm still here Jacob, dear. I'm still here" then she pressed her lips to his forehead.

I suddenly felt envious. I wish it were me she were saying those things too.

"Grandma!" I called out. She saw me at once and crooked her finger to gesture us to come outside. Embry and I followed her, and it was there, in front of the building that now held her funeral, did she finally look at me and smile sadly.

"Oh Paul. I'm so sorry I won't be around anymore"

I scoffed "I haven't felt it yet"

She motioned for me to come towards her and held her arms out for me. I didn't hesitate to join her as we embraced each other for the final time. I didn't know if I had the capacity to let her go. But Jacob had with his mother, he knew that she was suffering staying in this place. I would do the same. I would be the one to let her go first. But right now, that wasn't happening. I clung to her, I wished I had super glue on my hands so I had an excuse not to let her go.

She chuckled "Oh Paul, you're just like your grandfather. You know he's waiting for me, don't you?"

I still held onto her. I didn't need to see her face to have this conversation.

"I know you need to go Grandma, but I just wanted to apologise. I'm so sorry I left you! I should never have been so selfish-"

"-you, young man, are far from anything that's selfish! I just wish you could see yourself from my point of view! What a wonderful man you are! You're my grandson and I'm so proud of you! Your mother is also very proud of you. Can't you see her? Up there-" she pulled back slightly to turn her face towards the sky. I followed her gaze but couldn't see what she saw.

"Mom is waiting for you too?" I asked.

Grandma chuckled "Of course she is! She's waiting to pull me into her arms, oh I can already hear the questions she's going to throw on me! You know Paul, whilst I may not be around physically anymore, I will always be watching you. Up there-" she looked up again, and this time, I saw it. Not the faces I so desperately wanted to see staring back at me. But the light. The brightest, warmest light. It was so inviting, so warm, so… calm.

"You know what you have to do now grandson"

I could sense she wanted to see my face, and I pulled back enough to let her do it, but never took my arms away from her.

"What's that Grandma?"

She smiled "You have to live each moment in your life as if it's your last. Remember grandson, every day is a good day, even when a horrid storm is brewing out here, you remember that as long as you are alive, the day will be a good one. Always remember that"

"How am I going to cope without you Grandma?"

"The rest of our family is waiting for your return. They will support you, comfort you and help you find your true path. Marry that beautiful Bella and have many, many children! Let them know who I was, tell them the stories I told you and always know that I am proud of you! Always"

I sniffed dryly "I will Grandma. I'll do that for you-"

"-do it for yourself Paul. I always said, I would never leave this earth until I knew you were safe, happy and loved. You are those things now, otherwise I would have fought harder. But the truth was, it was my time. I was ready to go. You will be okay, do you understand? Just make sure that you help Jacob through this. I think it has brought up his suppressed grief for Sarah again"

If they could here, my eyes would have been flowing like a saltwater waterfall "I'm gonna miss you so much Grandma"

She chuckled "I will miss you too Paul. But if you ever find yourself stuck in grief, just look up to the sky and imagine me smiling at you. Because that's what I will be doing from now on. I will watch you until the day when you join us up here. We may be apart for now, but one day, we will be together again. Your mother, your grandfather and me. We'll all be together again, one day. So don't worry about grieving me. Don't worry about missing me too much. I just want you to live your life to the fullest. Every adventure you take, I will want the exact story retold to me when you join us in the future. All the details, so make sure you have plenty to tell me" she winked and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Okay Grandma. Give mom and grandpa my love, will you?"

She nodded "Of course I will, but they already know that of course"

It was time. Time for me to pull away and let her go. There was a force inside of me telling me not to bother. Just go with her. Why suffer on this earth without her? But the other part, which was more dominant thankfully for me, demanded I stay behind to grow old with Bella. So it was decided.

I would live my life to the absolute fullest. Only sleeping when I absolutely needed to. I would spend my every waking second surrounded by my friends and my family, I would marry Bella as soon as I possibly could. I would even admit to the Cullen's that I enjoyed their company and to screw the Treaty! There was no more room for hate anymore. Only love and friendship.

It was time to let Grandma go.

"I love you so much Grandma" I said. I pulled away. I brought my hands to my sides and pretended they were magnets to my torso. They would not move from my side until she was gone.

"I love you too Paul. So, so much" she leaned forward to kiss me on the forehead, before turning to Embry and pulling him into a hug.

"You look after yourself young man, do you hear? I don't want to see any arguments with your brothers and you love that woman as much as you possibly can. You do that for me"

Embry chuckled "I will Grandma. I love you"

"Oh and I love you! I love all of you so much. Well, until we meet again grandson. Remember what I told you. Be happy and live" she smiled at me once more and then she looked up at the sky, smiling brightly.

"I'm on my way dear" she whispered before turning into a ball of light and shooting straight into the sky, disappearing into the light that hovered over the top. Then it was gone and everything looked normal again.

I let out a huge breath, one I had been holding since I had seen Grandma in the hall.

"Are you okay?" Embry asked me.

"I will be. Come on, let's head back-"

"-uh actually, could we make a stop on the way back? There's just one thing I need to do"

I raised my eyebrow but said nothing.

I had finally found my clarity. My clarity was letting Grandma go. Letting her go to the better place that she would prefer to be. I knew now that I had accepted her death. Whilst I may weep and despair when I returned to my body, my soul was at peace. Finally.

First things first in starting my new life. I needed to make Bella my wife.