POV: Alex

My eyes opened slowly, blinking from the light that shone in my face. I couldn't feel any pain anymore, no more hatred, no more suffering. Had I finally done it? Had I finally died? No, I wasn't dead, and this wasn't Heaven.

The sounds around me were muffled, like everyone was talking in water. I strained my ears towards the noise, but it made no difference. My vision was still blurry, but figures became shaper with each passing second. Each voice getting louder and louder, each second passing faster than the next.

I could hear each thought in my head, feel my heart beating, feel my lungs filling with air, then letting it go. My body was a brick, I couldn't move it. Even when I willed my brain to send those impulses to each limb, it was useless.

Is this Hell? Is Hell being trapped in a room with no way to move? No way to escape?

There was a sudden sharp breath intake and my eyes had fully adjusted to the blinding light.

Mom, Dad, Sydney, Jordan, and Steven were all standing over me, their expressions tired.

"Thank God," Mom whispered and Jordan flung her arms around me crying onto my hospital gown. She smelled sweaty and she was wearing a white tank top. Her whiskers tickled my neck and I tried to move my arms, trying to tell her everything was ok. But was it really ok?

Was I ok after everything I said, after everything I did? In the moment, I felt fine, like my life would continue with no problems. But life wasn't always that kind to me. Each time I thought it was over, somehow life found a way to break my legs and crumble the world around me.

Steven grabbed my lifeless hand and his tail began wagging. I could tell he wanted to cry, but he held it in. Was it selfish of me to think that I wanted to see him cry? I wanted him to feel bad for me, I wanted him to let himself feel those emotions. The emotions that I bottled up, which eventually led me here.

"Jordan," I whispered. "I can't really breathe with you on top of me." Jordan laughed while crying and lifted her head up to look into my eyes. I hoped she saw that I was being genuine, even if my eyes were the dullest color in existence. Only matched by her teary blue eyes, a little ocean.

I tried to lift my head up, but the room began spinning and I slumped back into the bed. How long had I been laying there? How long had it been since I walked into the bathroom, and never left?

Steven let go of my hand and shuffled to the back of the room while everyone else crowded around, telling me how much they missed me, how much they loved me. But I only wanted to see Steven, I only wanted him to come closer and hold my hand again. I wanted him to cry on me, I wanted him.

Was that selfish of me? I loved everyone in this room, but I had made up my mind, I wasn't ever going to see them again. But with them being next to me, with them comforting me. It was like the whole world was silent and dark, and a spotlight shone towards Steven in the back. So close, but so far away.

But I didn't say anything. I let the world and the concerns of the animals around me swallow me up.

This isn't Hell, but it isn't Heaven either.

"I'm...sorry," I said looking at everyone around me.

I wondered who it was that found me, who had to see me dead on the floor. Whoever it was, I wished they never had found me. I still wished I wasn't living in this world, that I was dead, and the world would just have to move on.

"No," Dad said. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have treated you like I did, I shouldn't have been a shit father."

Did I want to forgive him? Was I ready to forgive him? A part of me wanted to say yes, while the other wished he was the one in the hospital bed.

Jordan wiped her face and sniffled. "I'm just glad you're back, I-I really missed you."

I smiled back at her, feeling a tightness in my chest each time I breathed. "Yeah...back."

It was hard to read their body language, hard to discern their emotions at the time. All of them looked concerned, but they also looked like they had given up, like I was already dead, and they were just waiting for my body to be buried.

I knew what I did was wrong, but could they really blame me? Was there a way for them to see it from my perspective? I didn't think any of them would understand, neither of them had to go through the challenges that were placed before me. Or maybe they did, but they just came out the better animal on the other side, while I gave up and thought death was the only way out.

It was weird to feel nothing. I wasn't sad, I wasn't grateful that they stuck by my side the whole time while I laid in this hospital bed either. I couldn't hear anything while I was asleep, and there weren't any dreams, it was just blackness. It was comforting, it's why I thought I was dead, thinking the bright hospital lights were just Heaven opening up its gates. But when I had finally opened my eyes, and still saw that I was in the world I desperately wanted to leave? It made me feel nothing.

I had noticed that my claws were filed down all the way, no way of knowing that I even had claws in the first place. It felt like a part of me was just being shaved off. I had tried multiple times to cut them, to show the world that I wasn't dangerous. But I used those claws to try and end my own life, and here they were, filed down so much that they were dull.

I chuckled to myself. "I didn't think I'd be found, honestly I wish I wasn't." That wasn't the right thing to say. Usually my mind would filter anything that so much as showed any sort of hate towards myself, but now, it didn't care. I didn't care.

Mom subtly looked at Dad as his eyebrows creased, it looked like he was trying to say something important. Something so important that it could change the course of my life, but instead, he just rubbed his eyes and left the room. This was supposed to be a happy moment for everyone, but I didn't feel happy to see them. I felt numb to everything, numb to the pain, numb to the emotions, numb to the sounds of the machines behind me.

Jordan swallowed hard and looked towards Steven who had a slight smile on his face, although his eyes told me everything I needed to know.

I may have been numb to the sensations around me, but when I looked at Steven, something kicked up in my broken heart.

The rest of my family left, and it was just me, Steven and Jordan.

Jordan looked around the room, flicking her tail in the air and sighing. "It was out of the blue," she said looking out the window. "It's clear to me now, that everything you see, ain't always what it seems. I wish I knew then what I know now. Maybe I could've stopped you, maybe we wouldn't be in this mess."

She looked towards me with a certain determination in her step. "But I promise you, this will never happen again. I'll never let another animal in my life, or in this whole word, feel like they don't have a purpose. Because you do, you may not know it, I may not know it, but you do." She looked towards Steven, took a deep breath, and walked out of the room.

I didn't feel bad for her leaving, I found her statement quite interesting. She said I had a purpose, but what was my purpose in life? I couldn't find it, and she couldn't tell me. So what was the point of living anyway?

My attempted suicide was out of the blue from their perspectives. Nobody knew how I was feeling deep down inside, nobody knew my thoughts, and my actions always seemed just on the brink of basic survival. My eyes may have been open, but my heart shut itself away again, never wanting to experience any emotions anymore. There was no cloud nine in my life, there wasn't going to be a happy ending. I would be stuck in this hospital because of the thing I did, because I would be too dangerous to be let back into society.

"What if he relapsed?" they would ask. Well, my answer would be to let me. Don't let me live. Don't let me see the world. Just let me die and forget about me.

Steven was still in the back of the room, his eyes watching Jordan leave. I knew that must've been hard for her, to finally see me awake, and not getting the satisfaction she wanted. But Steven was different, it was like he had already lost hope, like everything in his world was also crumbling down. I wondered if he was the one who found me, if that was the reason why he was acting so distant, so emotionless, just like me.

"And then there was one," I said, sitting up and blinking from the dizziness.

Steven sighed and sat down in the chair next to me. "And then there was me."

"Are you mad at me?" I said with a little grin. Steven laid his head on my chest and peered into my eyes. His tail was wagging fast, but his face was solemn. Canines tails always showed you their true emotions, even when they tried to hide it. "What's got you all excited?" I said, patting his head.

"You," he responded.

"Me? What would you want with me? I'm just a broken wolf."

"Broken things are meant to be fixed."

I looked off to the side. "I think it's too late to be fixed."

Steven grabbed my face with his hands and our noses touched. My heart started to beat faster as I looked into his eyes and my slow breathing finally started to pick up. It felt like everything in my body was waking up. The lack of emotions, the lack of thought, all of it came back when I looked at him. I could hear my tail wag underneath the sheets and a slight smile appeared across my face. Then he hugged me, grabbing onto me tightly.

My heart pounded louder in my chest, I could hear it in my ears and feel it vibrate my whole body. My hands were too busy shaking underneath the sheets to hug him back. But his embrace felt amazing, it was like he was thawing every frozen part of my body. Every part of me wanted him to hold onto me just a little bit longer, just for a little bit longer I wanted him to stay with me.

My wish was granted and my body reacted, hugging him back with my vision being blurred from the dam that finally cracked. "I'm sorry," I said, my voice wavering in intensity. Steven hugged me tighter, his claws sinking into my fur, but I didn't care. The pain didn't phase me, nothing was going to make me let go. It was just Steven and I alone, it was just us and the heart monitor going off from my heart racing.

Hold on to me, I never want to let you go.

"That's not good, is it?" Steven said, trying to pull away, but I only held him tighter, not caring about the nurses rushing in. They stopped when they saw me crying and detached the heart monitor, then quietly walked out of the room.

I let Steven pull away and I wiped the tears from my face, laughing at his concerned face. "I'm fine," I said with a sniffle. "It's just, I guess I forgot what it felt like to be hugged." I chuckled and laid my head back on the pillow, watching as Steven's smile grew wider, his tail wagging faster.

"Scoot over," he said.

"What?"

"You heard me." I moved as much as I could to the left of the bed, and Steven squeezed in next to me. "There," he said, settling in. "Now you don't have to feel cold tonight." He laid his head on my shoulder and promptly fell asleep. He felt warm next to me in the cold hospital room, for a couple of minutes, I felt like my whole world was finally fixing into place.

I had felt nothing throughout the whole time I was awake, that was until Steven came along. My heart was beating so fast and I pressed my claws into my palms to prevent them from shaking. I didn't want to wake him up, he looked so peaceful sleeping on my shoulder.

I scratched behind his ears, which made his legs kick and tongue stick out from the side. I chuckled to myself and just stared at him for a while, thinking about how he must've felt after hearing the news. I still didn't fully know how long I'd been asleep, I hoped it wasn't for long. But being next to him was worth every second I waited. Or maybe it was worth every second he waited.

Guilt finally found its place in my tortured mind, and I had began thinking about how my suicide attempt effected him. I wondered how he dealt with it, if he dealt with it all. I pictured him crying in the dorm room, Nathan and Dalton trying to comfort him. Did he think about killing himself if I had actually died? I never wanted that to happen. I wanted animals to forget me because I thought I was useless and a nobody to society. But I wasn't a nobody to Jordan and Steven, and I certainly wasn't useless.

The door to the hospital room opened and Dad walked in. "Is this a bad time?" he said with a smile pointing towards Steven. I shook my head and he sat down on the chair next to me. He scratched the fur behind Steven's ears and chuckled. "Man, you canines are weird."

"Yeah, we are," I said looking at Steven and sighing. "I think I'm in a better head space now, sorry for being so... weird when I woke up."

Dad shook his head. "It's fine, we never expected you to come back perfectly fine." He didn't look disappointed, he looked sad.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

Dad sighed and looked off to the side, never really making eye contact. I grabbed his hand, a notion which I didn't think I was capable of, my hand just moved over to his by its own. "You're here to say sorry aren't you?" Dad dropped his head and rested his elbows on the bed, hiding his face with hands. "It's ok, I forgive you," I said, tracing a line down Steven's snout.

I could hear Dad's soft muffled sobs and he looked up at me, keeping his voice low so as to not disturb Steven. "It was horrible, treating you like I did. God, I hate myself so much."

"Yeah, it was horrible. But I always hoped you would change, always knew that you never wanted to act like that. It's ok, it's in the past."

"But-but, you almost died, all because of me."

I took a deep breath in. I just wanted him to know that I didn't care anymore, that I had accepted what he did. It was over now, everything had blown over. "I took shit so personal, like it really mattered. When it didn't. Dad, I may not have been fine, I'm still probably not fine, but I forgive you."

Dad shook his head. "No, why do you forgive me? I was horrible, cruel, I hated you. Why?"

"Because I love you."

Dad covered his mouth to prevent the hysteria inside of himself, tears streaming down his face and darkening his already dark fur. He reached over to hug me, but got kicked in the face by Steven instead, who was still asleep. He stood up from his chair, clutching his jaw and pointing towards the door. I nodded and he flicked off the lights, closing the door quietly behind him.

Forgiving Dad was only made easy because Steven was with me. If he wasn't, I didn't know what I would've said. But I knew I couldn't hate Dad forever, especially with what I put everyone through.

I rested my head on Steven's and closed my eyes, hoping for everything to be normal when I woke up. I knew that wouldn't happen, but I had to live, dying was no longer an option-no longer a thought in my head when I looked at Steven.

I liked to think that he saved my life, even if he wasn't the one who found me in the bathroom. Our interactions were short, but meaningful. He opened my heart up to love. I loved him.