A/N: Thanks to all who worry about Mary. Both Mr. and Mrs. Bennet worried about her as well and so she would not be destitute by any means but that part of her life will not be in this story. Also my work deadline is looming large, and the next posting will be next Saturday. Enjoy these two chapters and please review.
Chapter 39: Sisterly Confidences
Mr. Darcy stayed for the night and would leave early the next day. Mrs. Bennet would not hear of his removing to the inn in Meryton. Claiming that the guest chambers were in an altogether different wing of the house, and the entire Bennet family was in residence, she insisted that there would be no need to keep such strict propriety. Mr. Darcy was very glad of the opportunity to spend as much time with Miss Elizabeth as possible, as the family was understanding and leaving them to themselves quite discreetly.
Dinner that evening was another congenial affair. Mr. Darcy felt a contentment that he hardly ever experienced. At home he usually dined alone or with his sister who spent half the year away. Most of the social dining was a chore to him rather than an enjoyment, especially when unmarried young ladies were present, which was almost every time unless it was at his clubs. Even with his uncle's family, it had been difficult to have everyone together for a family dinner now that his two cousins led their own busy lives. When he looked around the table at these artless faces, especially the one next to him, he felt that there would be no place else on earth that he would rather be.
Mrs. Bennet outdid herself with dishes that she had inquired Mr. Darcy about, and re-imagined them in a way that he felt that if his Elizabeth had learned how to design menus like her mother, he would be in danger of losing his trim figure before the year was out.
After dinner, the family sat in the drawing room like they usually did without paying special regard to the presence of Mr. Darcy in their midst. There was no entertainment, but everyone was occupied with some form of activity to entertain themselves. Mr. Bennet and Mary were playing Backgammon; Jane and Kitty were embroidering and consulting each other about their designs; Lydia was observing everyone with a serious intent in her countenance and scribbling in a notebook; Mrs. Bennet was away speaking with the housekeeper about household affairs in view of having an unexpected houseguest, and Miss Elizabeth was sitting next to Mr. Darcy with another book in her hand, this one a German play by Schiller. Mr. Darcy had asked for some stationery to write letters to his uncle to let him know that he had been delayed and would arrive a day late. While he was so engaged, Miss Elizabeth was imitating Miss Bingley and said fawningly:
"Oh, Mr. Darcy, you write so evenly! Such a long letter! May I sharpen your pen?"
Mr. Darcy turned to her and could not help smiling adoringly at her, "Very soon you will be doing much more than mending my pen. I am impatient for that time!"
Miss Elizabeth was a little taken aback for this rather forward teasing, but determined not to lose this round. "Oh, my betrothed and my future master, would you elaborate on what you just alluded to?" she archly asked.
Mr. Darcy arched his own eyebrow and said, "I will show you when the time comes." Before Miss Elizabeth had time to be too embarrassed, he changed the subject," Tell me, dearest, when did you know you had fallen in love with me?"
Miss Elizabeth, still unused to such endearments aimed at herself, dipped her head and got all coloured up, but plucked up her courage to answer, "If it could be called love, I could not fix on the hour, or the place, I was in the middle before I realized that I started looking forward to being in your company. If I must pick a point in time, it may have been when you discovered the new way to melt two pieces of rubber cloth together. I thought it was brilliant…you were brilliant."
Elizabeth dipped her head even lower after exposing so much of herself to Mr. Darcy, who on hearing that Elizabeth had such a high opinion of his intellect, could not have been prouder.
"How about you? When did you know?"
Mr. Darcy answered without having to ponder, "At the first assembly, when you turned to look at me with that saucy expression, I rubbed my chest where my heart is and thought to myself, "Cupid!"
Elizabeth looked at him incredulously, but he continued, "At that time, I thought it was a most nonsensical thought. A couple of days later, I heard you sing Lascia Chio Pianga. I knew then that you have filled my heart and soul."
"How did you hear me? I have never sung that song to an audience," Elizabeth asked curiously.
Mr. Darcy answered with some colour on his cheeks, "The morning after the assembly, I rode toward Longbourn during my morning ride, telling myself that I was just trying to learn something about this well-run estate as a service to Bingley. Of course, the real reason was that I was drawn to you and wanted to see where you lived. I saw you coming back on the path to Oakham Mount. I started going to Oakham Mount after that to hope to see you. The next morning, when I got close, I heard an ethereal voice singing this heart wrenching song by Handel, which I happened to have known or else I would not have understood the meaning of it in Italian so readily. To say that I was struck dumb is not too far from the truth."
Elizabeth rose to be playful again, "Hmm…was that love? You must love all the divas who have ever sung this popular song!"
Mr. Darcy looked a bit wounded and said, "You willfully misunderstood me! I have heard this song performed in London at least five times, including once by the great Miss Harriet Abrams. I never thought about love even once. You, however, have the ability to penetrate my soul with your singing."
"Mr. Darcy…eh, Fitzwilliam, by you I have been greatly humbled. I never thought that I had such power over anyone. I will use it only to be the best wife to you."
"My dearest Elizabeth, I am the one who has been properly humbled. You may remember what a prideful, no, vain should be the word, man I was when you first saw me? I was taught good principles, but was never taught to correct my temper, and thus left to follow the principles in selfishness, pride, and conceit. I despise the way of the ton, and yet I judged people, other than those in my own family, exactly the same way the ton does. Since no one ever tried to disagree with me, I never knew my defects. At the first assembly, your mother, Mrs. Bennet, first showed me how absurd it was for me to look down on people because of their perceived wealth and connections, while Mrs. Bennet judged me , rightly, I may add, for my manners. She said she would ban me from Longbourn if I dared to behave less than gentlemanly toward any of her daughters. I am glad that she never heard what I so rudely said about you, or else I would not have had the chance to apologize in the hallway here. Could you ever forgive me for my ungentlemanly transgression?"
"Oh, Fitzwilliam! " Elizabeth reached out to squeeze his hand and continued, "None of us is perfect. The fact that you changed your ways so thoroughly after just one reprimand from my mother tells me that you were not really that reprehensible to begin with. If she told you how often she needed to scold me through the years, you would rescind your proposal of marriage!"
Mr. Darcy squeezed Elizabeth hand in turn and said feelingly, "Never! You have promised to be mine and I will never let you go. Mrs. Bennet must be credited for being the first person to show me how insufferably arrogant and rude I was. It was you, my dearest Elizabeth, who has changed me from the selfish, unfeeling person to one who strives to please the only woman who is worthy to be pleased. You see how I do not deserve a great treasure like you?"
They stared intensely at each other and imperceptibly and unconsciously moved their faces toward each other until they were startled apart by a loud clearing of throat. Mr. Bennet noticed that Miss Lydia was staring toward one end of the parlour and was giggling. When he saw the cause of such mirth in his youngest daughter, he had to be the spoilsport again and stop the lovers' public display of affection. He started to think that he should ask Mrs. Bennet for some nectar to sooth his throat with the recent frequent use of it.
It was decided during the evening that the wedding would be on the fifteenth of February, before the start of the season. This would give the couple a little time to enjoy some more courtship in public and then present themselves as a married couple for the whole season. Darcy had never looked forward so much to a season in town.
When the family retired for the night, Lizzy and Jane stayed up to have their tête à têt after a long day of excitement. Their bedrooms were adjoined, and much of the time they preferred to sleep in the same bed. Miss Bennet was already under the counterpane while Elizabeth was leaning against the bed brushing her hair.
Jane asked with concern in her voice, "Lizzy, how do you fare? I cannot believe that this is the first opportunity we have had all day to talk! I wish I had been there to comfort you this morning. You were all alone in Papa's study enduring the tragic consequences of the terrible assault! How could someone like Mr. Wickham, all amiability and charm, have been so wicked as this?"
Elizabeth stopped brushing her hair and answered, "Jane, Mr. Wickham really was so wicked. He even swindled an agreement out of a young and naïve officer to witness the attempted assault which he presented to the young man as an 'assignation' so as to spread gossip. It was all planned carefully. You are so good and kind, and think well of everyone. If he had chosen you as his prey, I would not want to imagine the consequence. As it is, I nearly killed him. Just the thought of this made me shudder that I am capable of such a heinous act. It was but by the grace of God that the bullet missed any vital part of his head. The loving thoughts of my dearest sister, dearest Jane," Lizzy grabbed Jane's hand and squeezed gently before continuing, "always there for me, sustained me through those difficult hours while I awaited Mr. Wickham's fate. I distinctly remember how I told myself that I would not be able to live without you and the rest of the family." Jane leaned forward and kissed Lizzy on the cheek. She was rattled when she heard Lizzy's supposition of Mr. Wickham having chosen her instead.
Jane thought for a moment and asked, "After such a heart-breaking start of the day, are you quite certain that you would want to make the most important decision of your life just hours later? You remember our pledge that we would not marry but for the deepest love?"
Elizabeth also pondered, and started braiding her hair before answering, "So many things happened today that I have to think hard to remember the frightful event of the morning. You know my philosophy – think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure. My betrothal to Mr. Darcy must have taken my mind off the horrific assault by a scoundrel so that it now seems like a distant memory. As for marrying for the deepest love, I hope that is what I am doing. Jane, you must find me silly. Before Mr. Darcy proposed, I thought of him occasionally- fondly I will admit. Papa had hinted to me that Mr. Darcy was a 'rare find' of a man as a potential husband, and because of that I started to observe him more closely, nothing more. You see, after, and in fact, during the proposal, Fitzwilliam and I had a long talk about many things. I feel that we know each other now ten times more than just yesterday. I now even know his full name! My heart, when he told me he had abundant love for me, leaped up and wanted my mouth to say that I felt the same. Now, just a few hours later, being separated from him and knowing that he is just across the courtyard has created in me this yearning that I have never experienced before. Is this a feeling of love?"
"I do not know, Lizzy. Mr. Bingley has been away for almost a week, and I must say that I think of him now and then, but not all the time. My mind is at ease that I will see him after New Year. Does that mean that I do not love him as you love Mr. Darcy?"
"Mr. Bingley has not proposed yet. When he has, you may have the same feeling that I do."
"Are you going to steal across the courtyard to see him? It sounds like something that Lydia would do!" teased Jane.
Elizabeth was all coloured up and did not answer. Jane realized that she had hit on the truth, and said, "You are thinking about exactly this, are you not? I should lock this door and prevent you from going out of this room. What would Papa say if he found out?" Jane looked at her very sensible sister incredulously.
"Oh Jane, I do have this urge to go see him. I just worry that I may get up tomorrow morning to find him already gone and I would not have the chance to say goodbye. Did I not tell you that you would find me silly?"
"Lizzy, I think that these are signs of love. We should both go to bed now so that you will be sure to get up early to see your Mr. Darcy off. You are staying in my bed tonight so that I can watch you."
"Jane, I do think that I am in some danger of doing something reckless. Thank you for safeguarding my virtue!"
"Lizzy!" Jane was scandalized and Elizabeth just laughed.
The two sisters then went to sleep in Jane's bed, but it was a long time before either sister fell asleep. Elizabeth was reliving every moment with Mr. Darcy. More than once she had wanted to just wander to the north wing to be close to his Fitzwilliam but was uncertain of the reception from the gentleman of such a wanton girl. Jane was tossing and turning wondering what it would be like when Mr. Bingley, her own 'rare find', came back. She quite looked forward to that event after watching Mr. Darcy and Lizzy all through the day.