39 Hungry Like the Wolf

The chapter title belongs to Duran Duran

At daybreak Bella and I showered and packed up our few belongings. She made up the bed and I swept the floors and cleaned the ashes out of the fireplaces. Soon the place looked like we'd never even been there.

I ran our things to the Bentley as Bella snapped a couple of pictures of the cabin for her scrapbook. Soon we were all gathered in the main house, listening to Esme tell of Carlisle's latest phone call.

"He's worked on Charlie's arm a couple of times, and feels he may regain full use of it, and his hand. Apparently, the wolf in him is quite strong, allowing him to recuperate at a phenomenal speed."

"It he still unconscious?" Bella was wide eyed.

"He is, but Carlisle says that's to be expected for a few days. He woke briefly to drink something but fell right back asleep."

I squeezed her hand and she looked up. "Let's go. Are you all ready?" I scanned the room. Everyone was present except Em and Rose.

They collectively nodded. "We'll all be ready here in a minute," Emmett said as he walked out of the bedroom, a suitcase under each arm. "Just got to load some stuff." Rose was right behind him, carrying a pocketbook and a magazine.

We zoomed down the highway, stopping for gas at out of the way places that weren't frequented by many people. I paid at the pump to keep a close watch on Bella. Her focus on getting home to Charlie helped her keep perspective. When she struggled, I was severe with her, and when she showed an imminent lapse I reminded her of how our mission would be derailed by a murder on the highway.

The hours flew by. Bella asked me more about the prophecies and I told her everything Carlisle had relayed. It was freaky to think that the Quileute predictions foretold all the meaningful events of our lives. I wondered what the remaining three were. Billy said the old Indian who deciphered them was playing those cards close to his vest, and hadn't even told him. Apparently we would find out as a group when we arrived.

We spoke to Carlisle several more times, and each call was more reassuring than the previous one. Charlie's arm was indeed mending; the small shattered bones had knitted together better than he'd expected and his temperature was rising, something that Jacob had told him happened at the end of the process.

The only leg of the journey that concerned me was coming up soon. I called Alice to find that she and the rest of the family were about half an hour behind us. We would need to wait for them. I couldn't risk taking Bella on the ferry alone.

I slowed my driving until the family was behind us. Bella was hunched low in the seat next to me, a miserable pout peering up at me through her ebony curtain of hair. "How many people will be on the ferry?" she whispered, not able to meet my eye.

"I'm not sure," I said truthfully. "This is peak tourist season, though, so it could be full." He boot tapped the door, her hand keeping time as it rapped the edge of her laptop. She swallowed repeatedly, licking her lips nervously. As I regarded her from the corner of my eye I began to rethink the entire venture. She wasn't in control. If she slipped she would implicate all of us. We'd be on the run for years.

I pulled over to a wide shoulder and stopped the car. She sat up. "What are you doing?"

Shaking my head, I opened my phone just in time to answer Alice's call.

"What's wrong?" She sounded worried.

"I'm not sure Bella can do this, Alice. I don't know what our options are, but if the ferry is full and she loses control—"

"She won't. I've seen it! I guess my visions are finally coming back. The ferry isn't full. You take her to the bow. With the wind today there are less people there. Keep a firm hand on her and she'll be okay."

I paused for a moment. "Okay," I nodded. Bella looked scared and a bit sick at what she was required to do.

"Bella, this is very important. Take a deep breath now, and don't breathe while we're on the ferry, okay?" She looked over to me, plainly terrified.

"What if...all those heartbeats..."

"We'll all be with you, love. Just remember why we're here, okay? Charlie is waiting for you, Bella. Keep his face in your mind, and concentrate on getting back to him. And don't breathe," I reminded yet again as we drove up to the gate.

Later, as we zoomed down the road toward home, I thought it was a miracle that we'd gotten away without as much as a growl. Bella had been perfectly behaved, holding onto me with both hands, her eyes transfixed to the churning water below. Alice regaled a large group of travelers with the details of her last trip to Paris, so nobody even ventured near us. Time to buy Alice another nice present...

We'd been lucky that the day was completely overcast. Alice had only a partial vision of the weather for the day and we decided, in light of Charlie's condition, to go for it and hope for the best. Rare sun peeked out of heavy clouds the nearer we got to Forks and it was all I could do to keep Bella in the car. I was afraid that at any moment she'd fling the door wide and sprint the rest of the way.

As we approached the house I called Carlisle to let him know we were almost there. He told me Charlie was still asleep and that Quil and Seth were there with him. Apparently the rest of the pack had taken shifts with Charlie. Two of them were with him at all times.

I counseled Bella again, and as I did so it seemed to me that I'd done nothing but advise her on this trip.

"The wolves won't smell good to you," I began as we pulled up to the house, "but Charlie isn't completely transformed yet." Here we go again..."So concentrate, okay? And stay behind me until we determine if you're in control."

"I won't hurt Charlie, or the pack." Her voice, like her expression, was serious. I knew she wouldn't mean to hurt them but I didn't have on any rose colored glasses. She was still brand-new to this life and stronger by far than any of us. And impulsive. I sighed as the brevity of the situation occurred to me yet again.

As we got out of the car she stopped and looked around, her face screwed up in a grimace. "What is that smell? Dear God, that is horrible!"

"Dog." I laughed, but felt immediately guilty. Bella eyed me reproachfully and I bit my lip, saying, "Well, it's the wolves."

Carlisle pulled open the door and came out on the porch, shaking my hand vigorously. "I trust your journey was uneventful?" I nodded. "Bella." He smiled, clutching her hand. "You're well?"

"Yeah, thanks." She laughed. "Just glad we're finally here."

"I am as well. Charlie is still asleep, but he's started to talk. These last few hours have given me more insight into the man than I ever thought possible."

I held Bella behind me as Seth and Quil appeared. Bella tensed but kept her distance. She clearly wasn't tempted by the wolves any more that the rest of us. They smelled too bad, like a dirty, sour dog, wrapped up in a hot blanket. Not like food.

We heard crunching around the back of the house and the smell of wet dog grew stronger. Leah emerged from the side of the garage, Jacob right behind her. They both looked concerned. "He's an odd one, but this behavior is unlike anything I've seen from him. Even Billy's worried."

Leah simply nodded. The smell intensified until it felt like we were being suffocated in wet dog blanket. I was hesitant to go into the house and close the door with four of them in there.

"Problem, Jacob?" Carlisle asked amiably.

"It's Old Quil. He's gone out into the woods, like Ephraim did right before he died. He won't tell us the last three prophecies but he held a meeting with the Quileute Council and then took all his papers out to a tent in the forest. He's been there for three days now."

Seth and Quil each shook Carlisle's hand. They left, as it was Leah and Jacob's turn to sit with Charlie.

"Carlisle and I will go up and check on Charlie first, love," I told Bella. I wasn't worried that she would attack Jacob or Leah.

"Okay, just...hurry, all right?" She smiled but I knew she was itching to see him.

"Charlie still smells human," Carlisle remarked as we ascended the stairs, "but there's a distinct wolf odor about him as well. I can't imagine Bella would find him appetizing in the least." He looked ruefully at me and I tried to imagine staying in this house day in and day out, with that horrible smell permeating every surface, every piece of cloth and every item. It would take weeks to air the house out properly. Rose was going to pitch a fit.

As we entered the guest bedroom, Charlie was indeed talking. His mind was a swirl of colors, an occasional picture floating in. I saw Bella as a baby, an older woman sitting in a green rocker, and the forest, woven into a tapestry of psychedelic patterns and artsy-looking prints.

"Bella...where are you going...I worry. Bella...grandma Swan always said...if it seems too good to be true...Renee, don't leave! Yeah, I know the cruiser just had tires installed, but...I know you were there. We have your picture on the..."

I couldn't make sense of most of it, even when I matched it up to the pictures in his head. His thoughts were untamed, expanded.

The longer we stayed in the enclosed room, the stronger he smelled of...wolf. I stuffed my hands deep in my pockets. Carlisle chuckled. I looked over to him and he composed himself. "You always do that when you're deep in thought," he remarked.

So I did. And just at that moment I was thinking what a tragedy it would be if Bella were to lose control and kill her own father. That might put a damper on her enthusiasm for the whole exercise.

I shook my head at that idea. "Bella commented on the smell as soon as she opened her car door. Like you, I can't imagine that she would find him appetizing in the least."

He nodded and I went back downstairs to tell her she could see him. When I saw her I smiled and gave her the 'thumbs up' and she ran to me and jumped in my arms, kissing me sweetly. "Thank you," she whispered as she grabbed my hand and ran up the stairs with me.

I led her to the guest bedroom door and stopped. I leaned back against the wall and pulled her close to me so that our foreheads were touching. "He still smells a bit like a human, Bella, but more like wolf, especially with the door closed. But you'll be very close to him and his heart is hammering in his chest. He's completely defenseless. Are you sure you can do this without losing it?"

"I can smell him through the door, Edward, and hear his heart beating. But you're right. The wolf smell is stronger, and that just doesn't smell good to me. Besides the fact that he's my father, I can't imagine any vampire willingly feasting on a wolf."

"Okay," I told her. "Carlisle and I will be with you." And I opened the door.

Bella's face brightened as she saw Charlie, and she rushed over to him and sat on the edge of the bed, smoothing his hair back from his face. I monitored her closely but she never seemed to be even close to losing control. It was as I'd hoped—he just didn't register as nourishment.

"Dad? Can you hear me? It's Bella." She spoke softly as she held his hand in hers. To my amazement, he turned to her and tried to open his eyes, mumbling for a moment, then finally focusing.

"Bella?"

"I'm here, Dad. How are you feeling?"

He swallowed thickly and licked his lips. Carlisle had a cold drink at the ready and offered it to Bella, who in turn put the straw in Charlie's mouth. He drank slowly, and when she finally took the drink from him, he smiled at her.

"Thanks, Bells."

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, still holding onto Bella's hand. She thought he'd gone back to sleep, as she tried to disengage, but I knew otherwise. He was waking up. He had questions. With every breath he took, the questions grew: Why am I here? Why is it so hot?

What's wrong with my arm?

Can somebody explain these damn dreams I've been having?

And, what is that awful smell?

Charlie POV

The night of Bella's wedding

The night air had turned chilly. It smelled like rain was on its way, and since we'd been graced with dry weather for over twenty four hours, we were overdue.

I rolled the windows down on the cruiser and let the cool air blow in my face as I drove, thinking that it was preferable to be cold and miserable than stagnant and warm.

I tapped the steering wheel but the click click click was absent, since I'd finally taken off my wedding band. I didn't want Renee to see it. She'd moved on—remarried—and was happy. The last thing I wanted on Bella's happy day was anybody's pity.

Taking the long way home, I found myself parked in front of 'Fred's Bait and Tackle,' a little convenience store on the outskirts of town. It was late and the cruiser was the only car in the small parking lot. As soon as I opened the door I heard a booming voice greet me.

"Charlie Swan! How ya doin?"

David, the burly, tattooed shop owner, was an old friend of mine. (I don't know why the place was called 'Fred's. David was the sole owner, in fact, built the shop himself. It was always a bit of a mystery to me.)

"Can't complain." It was my standard answer. I wondered how he'd feel if I told him the truth. Vampires in Forks, David. No, it's true. And, bad news. Bella's married to one, and they're planning to—

I couldn't finish the thought. My stomach churned as I struggled to quell the hysteria that was lurking just below the carefully manicured surface. Taking a few deep breaths, I said, "One pack of Marlboro hard pack." I hadn't bothered with cigarettes since college, but I was looking forward to a quiet smoke tonight.

He slid the pack over to me. After I'd paid he said, "How's Bella? Haven't seen her around much this summer."

I swallowed and looked away, a rush of emotion valiantly trying to break through the flimsy dam I'd constructed. "Got married tonight." It was all I could manage.

"Ohhh," he said slowly. "Anybody local?"

David clearly didn't get out much. Bella's marriage to Edward Cullen, Forks most eligible bachelor, was the social event of the season in our little elbow of the world.

I scratched my head. "Oh, Edward Cullen?" It sounded like a question. He might not know the Cullens.

"No shit! Well, she's set for life!"

Uh huh, what's left of it, anyway.

"I guess congrats are in order, chief!" He proffered a beefy hand and proceeded to shake my entire arm.

Thanking him, I escaped just as the first raindrops fell. By the time I got home it was really coming down and I rushed in, getting soaked in the process.

Soon I was dry and changed into comfortable sweats and an old UW sweatshirt that Bella snatched and wore all the time. It still smelled a bit like her. I wrestled briefly with changing, just to avoid the constant reminder, but decided that I needed to suffer.

With the scotch bottle retrieved from under the sink, the Marlboro pack ripped open, and a lighter fetched from the kitchen, I was ready to settle on the couch and ride out the storm. I threw an afghan over me as I listened to the flailing branches scrape the side of the house and the forlorn wind whistle through the leaves.

It was a lonely sound, and perfect for this house, this time, this man. I'd have to get used to being alone again, have to learn how to let Bella go. I just didn't know how I was going to do it, didn't even have the vaguest idea of where to start.

I smoked in the dark. Somewhere, I didn't know where, my Bella was enjoying her honeymoon with a creature that wasn't even—I took a big swig of scotch— human. He walked and talked like a man, but that was the extent of his humanity.

How had it come to this?

I drank the rest of the scotch, trying not to imagine Bella entangled with Edward, trying not to think about what he would do to her to change her into one of them, and utterly failing.

Finally I fell over and slept on the couch. Fitful dreams plagued me, dreams of chalk white skin and red, glowing eyes, of dripping blood and screamed pleas.

The sun was high in the sky when I woke the next morning.

Before I started my first day in what was the remainder of a meaningless life, I lay back on the couch and recalled Bella's and my last words to each other.

I can't pretend to understand any of this, Bells. Can't even wrap my head around it.

I know, Dad. I felt the same way after I found out. I didn't want to come back here. Not because of you. To Forks. But it's been the best thing that's ever happened to me. I reconnected with you, and Edward...

And I want you to understand that I never wanted you to get mixed up in any of this. I never wanted my choices to affect you.

Thanks for opening up your home to your teenage daughter you really didn't even know. I appreciate your patience as I rode motorcycles and went crazy...I love you, Dad.

And I love you, Bells. You take care.

I closed my eyes as hot tears pricked my lashes. Throwing off the afghan, I chucked the liquor bottle, tossed the rest of the cigarettes and dumped the ashtray.

After wrestling the windows open I spent several luxurious minutes in a scalding shower and then gargled with hydrogen peroxide mixed with water to get the nasty taste out of my mouth. Breakfast was out of the question, but coffee sounded real good.

My mouth fell open when I entered the pantry. I knew Alice and Bella had gone shopping but I hadn't eaten anything at the house since then, so I'd never gone in there. It was completely stocked with all the foods I loved, and the tears I was fighting off mounted a counter attack. I was at their mercy.

I took a few deep breaths but lost the battle completely when I saw a box on the floor simply labeled Charlie. Not Bella's sloppy handwriting, but a graceful script that I recognized as Alice's.

It was a bit heavy. I carried it to the kitchen table and pulled open the top to find four pounds of coffee beans from that specialty store in Port Angeles, along with a fancy coffee pot and a brand new coffee bean grinder. In purple tissue was a hand-thrown pottery cup, and inside was a letter.

Dear Charlie,

I know how hard this must be for you, but you have to know that Bella loves you with all her heart. She agonized over her decision to join our family, not for herself, but for you.

No matter what befalls Edward and Bella, I'll make sure you always know where they are. Bella will never be more than a phone call away. You have my promise.

I know you enjoy coffee, so please accept this tiny token from me as a thank you for all you've done for Bella. Under the cup you'll find a card that's good for twelve more pounds. I hope you enjoy it!

Alice

After I'd dried my eyes I ground some of the pound labeled 'Kenya Blue Moon.' It took a minute to figure out the new machine (it had a reusable filter) but when I'd finished, it was coffee good enough for the President.

It's a sad testimony when the only thing that can lure a man from his bed is a good cup of coffee.

I tried to get on with my life, reminded myself that I'd lived alone for many years.

Each day dawned, bright or rainy, and it didn't matter.

I got paid, didn't matter.

Didn't matter that my favorite deputy quit to run a bait shop. The days began to blend together and only a program on television would alert me to what day it actually was.

Sunday rolled around again. One scant week after Bella's wedding and I felt like a wreck. I'd endured another night of no sleep, or bad sleep, I should say, as I lapsed into wild and crazy dreams only to wake with a gasp. And the dreams were always the same. Wolves, running in a pack down a winding trail in the woods. I never knew what they were running to, or from. I just woke up tired.

Alice's designer coffee settled me, and after I'd showered I got dressed, only to receive a call from dispatch. On a routine transport between facilities, a felon had escaped. He'd been spotted in Mason in a small red compact car. Kirby Sanchez, age 22. May be armed. Considered dangerous.

I drove to the station and retrieved his picture from the fax machine. Scrawny and mean-looking, his preferred weapon was a wooden baseball bat. Lovely. Shaking my head at his belligerent scowl, I thought, his mother must be so proud.

Before I could sit down, the phone rang. A tribal officer had spotted the red car on the road that leads to La Push. Since it was Sunday morning, my deputy Mark, would be in after church, but this couldn't wait. I could call Mark to assist me, but Mr. Sanchez would be gone by then.

I drove out to La Push, and sure enough, passed the red car going the other way. Turning on my lights and siren, I did a quick u-turn and he sped up, the cruiser in close pursuit.

As we went around a curve, the car veered off onto an almost invisible narrow dirt road that was little more than a path. It widened almost immediately onto flat outcropping of rock overlooking the reservation's beach.

The red car screeched to a stop and Mr. Sanchez jumped out and ran into the woods, and in a move destined to go down in the annals of police history as the stupidest things an officer can do, I followed, with no back up and without letting anyone, not even dispatch, know where I was or what I was doing.

I didn't get far until the trail was cold. He had vanished. I stopped running and looked around, and just as I realized where he was, he jumped out from behind a large boulder, brandishing a worn baseball bat. I wondered where he'd found it.

There wasn't time for conversation. Wasn't time for me to read him his rights, counsel him about the seriousness of his crime, or to decide I'd been rash and run away.

He jumped up on the rock and then down at me, the bat smacking the side of my head. I fell sideways, a blinding pain behind my eyes. Grabbing my head, I felt the copious flow of blood coat my fingers. Before I could protect myself or get up, he hit me again. The angry crack as the bat connected with my forehead forced an unpleasant realization upon me—I was going to die on this rock, beaten to death by a fucking baseball bat.

I vainly raised a feeble arm in an attempt to protect myself but it was struck down by the bloody bat. My shoulder shattered, sending shocks of agony through me, but as the bat smashed my elbow an involuntary scream died in my throat and a satisfying blackness descended. On the way to my grave, I didn't lament my brief foray into marriage with a woman that never loved me, didn't grieve over dying young, or even worry about what Alice had revealed to me on the day of Bella's wedding.

I bid a heartsick goodbye to the only person who'd ever truly touched my heart, whose well being was more important to me than my own, who shone like a radiant star when all the world was a fierce and bitter gray.

Bella.