Chapter thirty-nine

Roy needed to pee. He grabbed his pocket watch on the nightstand and could barely make out the numbers with the help of the moonlight. The curtains were closed, but they were of the thin, white kind that were almost see-through. But when there was no light inside the room, all you saw was the reflection from the outside if you were looking up at it from outside the house. But during the day, they were visible enough to make it very clear to birds that it wasn't something that they could fly through.

Meaning that Roy's eyes fell upon the shape of his almost naked fiancée, whose upper body, from the navel and up past her breasts, was covered by the sheet that was serving as a blanket, and revealed her white knickers. Roy found it somewhat amusing that such a stunning woman whose dress code was always hugging her curves in just the right way, while also stylish and complementing her in every way, preferred that specific kind of knickers. Because the woman before him wore cotton knickers that covered about three inches of her stomach as well as the normal amount that regular knickers did, and were in no way even remotely suggestive. Rebecca had even gone as far as calling them "Granny-knickers". They had a little bow at the top, but that was it when it came to giving them some sort of "prettiness". However, Riza had explained it as them being "comfortable", and that it was certainly a garment that should be just that, and so she didn't really see Rebecca's point.

And so now Roy was looking down at the sleeping woman that he was most likely going to marry in less than a year, had possibly impregnated and was certainly adopting two children with. And he had two things in his mind at that moment. "You're beautiful, Riza Hawkeye, and I'm going to hug you once I'm done in the bathroom," he whispered softly, before sliding out of their bed. He put the pocket watch back down, having found out that it was thirty-seven minutes past one in the morning. He had to admit that he wasn't really in the mood to walk anywhere at the present time. But his bladder was a far too pressing matter.

And so it was out into the bathroom, relieving himself. He found himself sighing in front of the bathroom mirror, more awake than he'd like. Because that meant stressful thoughts that would rob him of his sleep.

It was so odd to think about the fact that the boys had lived in this very house. That the mutilated-beyond-words woman had been sleeping in the same room that Riza now occupied. That the man that had left their kids so many emotional scars, had once been hugging his girlfriend like Roy did in that selfsame room.

And he suddenly found himself afraid that history would repeat itself. Not that Roy would ever leave them or attack his new family... But that he would fail to protect them, and Riza too would end up a victim of some gruesome crime. That the boys would get killed. That something similar to what happened seventeen years ago would come to pass once again.

...And that he would lose everyone this time. Or that Ed and Al would lose their new parents and therefore be raised by Nan too. Or that Maes and Gracia would adopt them. That the boys would get trapped underneath a beam, but they wouldn't be unconscious like Roy had been.

Because Roy had no trouble imagining their screams as he could still recall the ones from that night.

Or maybe Roy would be the one to die...

He felt a sudden urge to get back inside his room as quickly as possible and just hug Riza to him. To feel the steady beat of her heart under his palm. To confirm that she was still breathing and uninjured.

And so he unlocked the bathroom door, walked out into the hallway...

...And froze as he found himself standing four metres away from Winry. She was wearing a light yellow nightie, and her hair was out of her ponytail, carrying that look of having been rubbed thoroughly against her pillow. Her eyes were wide with horror and shock as the hallway was thoroughly lit by a couple of lamps... Which resulted in putting Roy's scarred upper body on full display as he was only in his boxers... And said light also made it very clear that she had, in the aforementioned shock and horror, dropped her glass of water. And so it fell to the floor and shattered loudly upon impact.

She looked like she wanted to run, which was the worst thing she could do. "Dammit, don't move! You're barefoot and surrounded by glass shards! We need to wash your feet, Winry, and then we have to gather this up. Now first things first: where's Den?" There was a small trickle of blood on her right foot just behind her big toe.

She looked horrified, scared and ashamed. "In my bedroom... But he won't come here if I order him not to... I-I'm so sorry, Roy..."

Roy just shook his head. She had been expecting to be alone in the hallway, not to meet a man who was practically a stranger and whose chest and arms looked like they belonged in a horror novel. He had a feeling that her walking in the hallway to get some water in the kitchen, had been what had woken Roy up in the first place. "Don't worry, Winry, you didn't know about it. I once had middle-aged lady fall backwards into a pool with a scream during swimming lessons, so I'd say you did pretty well," he told her, trying to be encouraging and let her know that she hadn't done anything wrong or offensive.

Optimally, he'd find his shoes and pick her up so that he could carry her to the kitchen sink or the bath... But she would obviously be highly uncomfortable and embarrassed about being pressed to his chest after her initial reaction.

Thankfully, that was when the door to his right was opened and Yuriy and Sara peeked out from their bedroom. They had most likely heard both the glass shattering and Roy's not too quiet command for Winry to stand still. However, there was still awkwardness to ensue as the two doctors were behind him to his right. "What's going on?" Yuriy asked, sounding worried, already walking out of their room.

Roy quickly decided that the honest answer was the best and least awkward way to do things. The two people behind him were surgeons after all, they weren't exactly unused to seeing scars. And so he turned towards them, giving them a look and a small smile to tell them too that he wasn't particularly bothered by the reaction. "I just startled Winry a bit... Why don't you help her wash her feet while I clean up the shards? I'll find her a new glass of water afterwards."

The two doctors' eyes widened in understanding and Yuriy quickly turned on his heel, he too in only his boxers. "I'll go fetch my dressing gown and our sandals."

Sara looked a bit apologetic where she stood in her light blue nightie, but Roy cut her off before she could say anything. "It's okay, I'm not offended." He looked over his shoulder at Winry, hoping that it would serve to make her less uncomfortable about seeing the scars. Roy gave her a kind smile as he spoke gently. "How are you doing, Winry?"

Winry's eyes were just a bit shiny, making it clear to him that she was near tears, whilst still blushing. "I-I'm okay... The cut only stings a bit... I'm really sorry..."

Yuriy thankfully returned at that, placing a pair of sandals in front of his wife, already wearing his own, as well as a dark blue dressing gown. He strode past Roy and lifted his daughter up in his arms. Roy looked at her as he stepped back a couple of steps to let the two Rockbells past him and inside the bathroom. "Winry, there's no need to apologise. This is on me. I should have either warned you yesterday or taken on a shirt before I left the bedroom... I'm just sorry you hurt your foot."

The young girl was rendered speechless and was obviously still very embarrassed by her reaction. Yuriy thankfully decided that he'd leave the talking to his wife, making Winry a bit less uncomfortable as Sara began speaking instead. "Did that too happen during the explosion?" Her voice was gentle as she shut the door for her husband and daughter. She was looking up at Roy's face rather than the scars.

Roy nodded with a sigh and a slightly exasperated smile at his own stupidity. "That beam I mentioned earlier was a bit hot..."

Sara smiled understandingly. "I suppose I don't have to tell you that Winry doesn't judge you."

Her statement was met by a nod. "Like I said, I startled her. I think it was mostly just that she felt like she was intruding upon my privacy. I'm not angry or offended."

Riza peeked out from their room at that, taking in the sight of the broken glass outside the bedroom door. She was wearing her black pyjamas, looking at him just a bit teasingly. "Should have brought your flip-flops, Roy. I'll go get you a shirt." And so she disappeared again.

Roy scoffed good-naturedly, pointing lazily at the now empty doorway with a nod. "And that is why I'm marrying her. Especially as we both know that I don't even own flip-flops."

Sara laughed a bit at that. "You don't have to help clean up, you know. You're our guests and you need your sleep."

Roy shook his head. "You're our hosts and need sleep too... I'd say we just work together and get it done so that we can all go to sleep without feeling like we should help out."

"Let me guess that you drew that conclusion from the available evidence?"

Roy chuckled, feeling the uneasiness fading. "More like I could immediately tell that this house seems to contain nothing but abnormally stubborn people."

She smiled, laughing gently. "A very precise conclusion. I'll go find Den and lock him inside a room just in case." She then nodded towards the front door behind him. "Yuriy won't mind you borrowing his clogs."

They had already explained earlier that they preferred it if whatever shoes were worn didn't reach further inside the house than next to the doormat. The soles would often get rocks stuck underneath and thereby make some highly unnecessary scratches in the floorboards. "Thank you. I'm sorry about this. I just... I'm not..." He sighed. "I was eight and they made me feel like a freak for the rest of my childhood... Most people look at me differently for it once they see them. It's why I don't wear T-shirts or roll up my shirt sleeves."

He turned around to look at Riza as he heard her flip-flops approaching.

"I'll go find Den and something to clean this up with, then. And you don't have to apologise, Roy... We understand."

And with that, Sara walked past Riza and in the direction of the kitchen. And Riza just walked forwards and stood in front of him as she began draping his shirt around his shoulders. Roy put his arms inside the sleeves one by one, looking at her with a sigh, his stomach clenching. "Dammit... I didn't want them to..."

Riza put her left hand on his mouth, a gentle smile on her lips, her eyes betraying her fondness. "Roy, stop worrying," she told him softly. Then she placed her free hand on his chest, gently running it over the scarred skin. "You're still as handsome as ever."

When Riza decided to distract Roy, she definitely meant it. Roy was at first stunned as she locked their bedroom door and then let all her clothes slide down to the floor, except for her knickers, it all very visible as the lamp on the nightstand was still on. She turned around, smiling at him where he sat on the bed, still wearing his boxers and shirt. "Roy, I believe you gave me a silent promise about a massage earlier. Well, my back and my shoulders could certainly need one." Her eyes took on a playful glint. "So I think it's only fair that you follow through with that promise of yours."

Roy tried desperately to not run his eyes over her beautiful form. They had both agreed that they weren't going to do anything that involved what Ed had dubbed the "downstairs department" while they didn't know if Riza would become pregnant or not. They weren't going to risk anything. And it wasn't like they were unable to not engage in such activities. Keeping their underwear on was a sort of constant reminder of the fact.

And so Roy removed his shirt, knowing that Riza preferred that he did not try to hide the scars. Basically, she didn't give a damn about them, and she wanted him to do the same. But that didn't just happen overnight either...

And yet Roy just scooted backwards until his back was resting against the headboard, placing a pillow against his back, Riza soon sitting in front of him. He really just wanted to hug her to him. To slide his hands around her waist and pull her backwards.

He could do that afterwards, though. Right now, he just focused on reaching forwards and gently beginning to rub his thumbs in circles on that spot right beside her shoulder blades. And so she hummed quietly. They stayed silent for the entire time. Then Roy paused and scooted forwards again, leaning his chin on her left shoulder, placing his right palm on her exposed stomach, covering her navel. "Riza? I don't know... I had this moment earlier today... I mean... What if...?"

Riza placed her left hand over the one on her stomach. "Roy, if you weren't scared, I would have been worried." Her voice was gentle and kind, but Roy could hear that she too wasn't completely at ease at the prospect.

Roy leant into her closer, gently pressing his palm a bit more against the flesh of his fiancée's abdomen. He couldn't help but imagine Riza's stomach growing. To feel a small foot kicking underneath his fingers. The thought terrified him. Realisation hit him, and he kissed her cheek in horror. "You didn't misunderstand me back there, right? That could be interpreted as me suggesting an abortion, which really wasn't what I was going for..."

His words were met by gentle laughs. "Roy, there are no worries in that department. Barely intelligible mumbling as you try to speak to your partner about your quite possible impregnation of her, is probably not too unusual."

Roy paused, frowning and feeling awkward and then some. "That sounds very gross when formulated like that."

"Well, the miracle of birth is a rather gross thing. Slimy, smelly, noisy, squelchy, and then suddenly this red, crying thing comes out of a very stretched opening. And said opening is one that the once red thing doesn't want to think about when they learn how it was done eleven to thirteen years ago."

He sat there, frozen, lost for words. Then a small smile formed on his lips. "At least that is how it seems to an outsider... And so I seriously hope that that isn't all you think about our act of lovemaking? It would be a rather disappointing summary," Roy said teasingly.

"Roy, you know full well that it was more than satisfactory, so stop fishing for compliments, it's childish," Riza said in a slightly exasperated, but fond tone. Then she turned around and swiftly pushed Roy's spread legs back together so that she could sit down on his thighs, straddling him and trapping him in the same go. She then sneaked her arms around his neck, leaning forwards to give him a quick kiss, before pulling back again. Roy was amazed at how she was intentionally acting in a rather unpredictable fashion, just to throw him off guard and make a greater impact. And so she ended her display of loving playfulness by sitting sideways on his thighs and leaning into him, her face now resting at his right collarbone. He could feel her breath on his throat and the warm comfort it brought him. "Now hug me tightly, lover boy, so that we can get back to discussing your fears concerning my hypothetically impending pregnancy like a proper couple."

Roy paused. Then he chuckled and did as he was told, holding her tightly as she rested her cheek at the crook of his neck and pressed her right hand to the middle of his chest. He was still extremely relieved and happy that he enjoyed her scent. It was like kindness incarnate. Soft and warm and beautiful in a way. Because it smelt safe. So very safe.

And that was also why Roy Mustang was so terrified. He hugged her even tighter and kissed her forehead, closing his eyes. "Riza... I don't... I don't really know what to say or do... I don't doubt that you would be a good mother or that I would love the child if there is going to be one... But I honestly just feel safer about the boys. They're... Well, they're already born and past the infant and toddler stage. We don't have to worry about losing a coin on the floor because none of them is going to pick it up, eat it and then choke to death. There are just so many things that could go wrong... And then there's you..."

Roy ran his left hand up and down her back, feeling his stomach clench. "Riza, giving birth isn't risk-free... The baby could be born prematurely and die. You could die, while the baby lives. Or it could die too because it's too weak... Or it could be delivered when it should be, but it turns out to be one of those cases where the mother just won't stop bleeding... Or you could both die. Or you could become ill so that it becomes necessary to have an emergency abortion... There are just so many things that could go horribly wrong... And then there's Ed and Al who might feel like they are being overlooked while they really need a lot of attention... And they're going to be really worried about you dying too..."

"Roy, you're being adorable... And I know..." Riza told him, before looking down. "But it's going to be all right... And even if it shouldn't... Then the boys will still have you... You're going to be all right..."

Then she suddenly began giggling. "You know, Roy, I really ought to report you."

He paused slightly, his thoughts still trapped in the stream of horrible and devastating scenarios that his mind was thinking up. "How do you mean?"

She looked up at him sternly. "I mean that proper office conduct has obviously not been taken seriously by you... Here you are, working a lot to get to the top so much that you alienate your work partners... And then suddenly you find yourself a blonde DS who is finally younger than you and decide that it is best to just propose to her after less than a month, just so that you can fix the problem about constantly having your work partners transfer on you."

A slight lump formed in his stomach at the thought. He knew of course that it was just a joke, but it was still...

...It was still that had he been a bit more alert to himself, then things wouldn't be going so fast. Because he couldn't quite tell if hormones were spurring too much of their relationship on.

And should Riza become pregnant and should she end up losing her life, then the results would be catastrophic for the boys alone... And Roy would have played a part in Riza's death.

His thoughts must obviously have shown on his face, because she reached up and cupped his left cheek with her right hand. She seemed so fond. Riza looked at him with such almost heartbreaking fondness.

Because it was very different from whatever girlfriends he had had before. It wasn't patronising, not even during those times that she called him adorable.

She was just properly fond of him.

And damn it if it didn't make him feel safe. Because he was the older and more experienced officer here, but she was the one with the ex-husband. She was the one who had grown up far quicker than he had done himself. She was the one who...

Who...

...Who had decided that now had been the perfect time to assault his lips in a way that made just about every cognitive skills he possessed shut down. There was just scent, feel, warmth, Riza... Riza's silky hair in between his fingers... Riza's soft skin under his left hand where it rested on her back... Riza's own left hand on his shoulder and her right hand in his hair... Riza in general...

...Then there was air.

...Then there was Riza grinning as she leant up a bit further and planted a small kiss on the tip of his nose and then leant back slightly.

Which was when a tear ran down her left cheek.

Roy froze, looking at her, seeing some of that same desperation from when she had first kissed him.

...But he was suddenly recognising something else in her eyes.

She was silently begging him to save her. To give her safety and warmth. To keep being the gentleman that she always teased him about being. To be the one who would both give and take and would thereby never take her for granted.

...Which was exactly what he wanted for himself. And though she would tease him and sometimes use her considerable beauty to take his mind off of all the things to worry about... It was obvious that she enjoyed it wholeheartedly herself. To many, it would look like manipulation. Bribery, even.

But, reading from her look, he could tell that they were bursts of joy. He couldn't help but compare it to rabbits. He remembered having talked to someone he had used to go to school with a fair few years back. He had told Roy about how happy bunnies would suddenly start sprinting at an astounding speed, before suddenly just going back to normal. And they would also do what was called a "binky", which were sudden jumps where they would often twist their bodies mid-air, looking like they were almost having a seizure. And that, too, was a display of happiness and contentment.

He knew that he probably ought not to compare his fiancée to a bunny, but that was still the first thing that had sprung to mind.

So no, things weren't exactly ideal. But a part of Roy's analytical mind was already able to tell that once their hormones were clouding their minds just a little less, then they would reach a very comfortable existence.

He reached up and gently wiped away the tear on her cheek. She truly was a stunning woman.

Riza leant into his palm, her warm cheek fitting so nicely in it. "Why didn't I see it?" she asked quietly.

Roy just leant forwards and kissed her forehead. "Because you're a wonderfully kind woman and he's a prick." Then he sighed heavily, his stomach clenching both with anger and sadness and a tiny bit of awkwardness. "Riza, you gave him your trust and he abused it, you're not at fault. Berating yourself for it won't do you any good..."

Another tear ran down her cheek and she leant forwards, hugging Roy as she pressed herself into his chest. Roy immediately placed his arms around her, hugging her tightly to him once more. "I feel dirty in a way, Roy... All those times we... And just sleeping in his arms afterwards..." she whispered. It made it very clear that she craved Roy's touch and comfort when those thoughts were swirling in her mind.

And Roy honestly felt partially disgusted by the thought of that man having done it. Having held Riza like this... Having told her he loved her... Having shared such intimacy over and over again as they had tried to make a child. He didn't blame Riza for it. He had no right to. She had loved him, and so she wasn't to blame at all for having taken part in such a fundamental part of a relationship like that. In a way, Roy was the one who had done such a thing at a very early stage of their relationship. Quite possibly too early. Especially if she was going to end up pregnant.

He kissed the top of her head again. "You know that I don't hold it against you and I never will, right?" Roy asked her softly, gently running his left hand up and down her arm. She fitted so well in his arms like this.

Riza just pressed herself further into his chest, snuggling up to him. "Thank you, Roy," she said quietly.

He decided that this wasn't the time to bring up his fears about them moving too fast. And so instead he just rested his cheek against her forehead as he gently stroked his hand up and down her back.

Ed was scowling at the ceiling above him. His non-existent fingers were filled with warm prickling once more and they were too much so to let him fall asleep again. Which sucked, because it meant that the final thirty minutes before they were supposed to wake up, were spent scowling at the ceiling. And those thirty minutes would come to a close in one and a half minutes, according to the alarm clock on the nightstand.

And so both his arms were hurting even if one of them had been sent to a biohazard crematoria over two months ago.

It made him feel sick and weird at the same time, thinking about it. It was a morbid way to spend his time awake.

...But fact still was, once it had been cut off, it had really just been an insignificant object. And it was something that had had so much impact on his life... Something that had been attached to him ever since it had come into being in Mom's womb... Just gone... It felt unreal... Even his body thought so, which was why it acted up like it did with those stupid phantom limb pains. Ed knew that it was simpler to just use the acronym, but he didn't like it. 'Nah, it's just some PLP, nothing to worry about...' sounded so weird.

Like all the shit that had happened, and still was, were just acronyms. Like the DCI had stopped culprit after he had killed his wife and the COD had been getting chopped to pieces with a meat cleaver, which was Barry's MO, and so now Ed had some PLP and a bit of PTSD like his little brother.

Ed didn't like the acronyms and he didn't like the words they represented. In fact they made him feel sick and he barely kept the tears at bay.

He wanted Mom back. Yes, Riza and the Old Fart were nice and good and he was really, really grateful for what they were doing.

And they were the best thing that could have happened to them after Mom...

...But he still missed her so much it hurt.

It hurt so much.

So damn much.

But Riza and Roy were police officers. And Ed trusted them to take care of them. He really did. But he was a bit scared of the idea of Riza getting pregnant. Because then they would have to share. They would have to share with the kid that Riza and Roy got out natural processes.

No, Ed was scared. Because they were actually going to have a good life with these people as their family. Ed liked them. He liked them a lot.

Which was why he was so terrified of trusting them should something happen. What if one of them died? What if Riza died because she fell down the stairs one day because she lost her balance due to her pregnancy? What if Roy thereby lost both his fiancée and his unborn child? He would be bound to feel like it was at least partially Ed's fault. After all, Ed had been the one to tell Riza that they could sleep together.

...And they wouldn't have become engaged so soon if it wasn't for the way that they wanted to make it clear that Al and Ed were their kids first.

And yet Roy was still such a nice man that he would never send the two of them away. He wouldn't have the heart to and he would feel like doing so would only be an insult to his fiancée's memory.

Which also meant that Roy would constantly be spending the rest of his life being reminded of his dead fiancée and unborn child every time he would be looking at his adoptive kids.

And it all left Ed so terrified. Because Riza and Roy couldn't get married before in another ten months. Then there was the fact that there could be a baby on the way that could possibly kill Riza. It all meant that there were so many things that could go wrong for all that time. So many uncertainties.

And Ed could do nothing but lie there and just wait.

Wait and hope.

...And part of him actually hoped that there wouldn't be a baby. That they'd get to keep Riza and Roy for themselves. And that it would make it a bit less scary until they would get married. Not having Riza pregnant was safer for Riza.

Was safer for all of them.

But then they might not feel so inclined to get married so soon. What if they broke up instead, if so?

Ed hated this. Hated all those unknown variables that could ruin their lives so easily.

The alarm clock made its presence known in the neighbouring room. They had quickly found out that having grownups wake them gently in the mornings was far better. Mostly because the sharp ringing sounded just a bit too much like a scream when they were asleep. It was a very unpleasant way to start their day.

And so Ed sighed and got to his feet, feeling grumpy and scared and conflicted and guilty all at once. But he should at least find some form of distraction in getting dressed and walking down to the restaurant area of the hotel.

They ate their lunch and late supper in their room, but breakfast and dinner took place at the buffet. It was so as to seem as inconspicuous as possible. Havoc spent his time with them during the day under the guise of babysitting because no matter how capable she was, Nan was eighty and deaf. Which meant that Havoc was sort of taking a few days' leave time, but was also paid well by Herb because the guy was Riza's grandfather. Basically, it was all just doing people a favour. What with Riza and the Old Fart off to wherever they were, Herb took an interest in having someone look after them...

...And whom they trusted, considering how they weren't too keen on trusting strangers. Plus, as Riza and Roy were away in relation to an investigation, then it made even more sense to provide them with someone else to make sure of their well-being during that time.

And so everyone at the station knew that, and only a handful of people knew that it was also about protecting Al and him.

And so, forty minutes later, Ed was standing next to Hughes at the buffet, telling him just how much to get of the things that Ed wanted for breakfast. "And still no milk with your cereal?" the older man asked as he put a few spoonfuls of the crunchy, sugary oat flakes in the small, white bowl.

Ed glared at him threateningly. "Yoghurt. You're not corrupting the quality of my breakfast by making me drink that opaque, white liquid that was secreted by a cow!"

Hughes looked down at him with a frown, but then gave him a small smile and shrugged his shoulders. "Then I guess it's yoghurt for you today as well," he said conversationally and picked up the large spoon that had been placed in the large bowl containing vanilla yoghurt that stood in front of them.

"Well, if it isn't Little Maes!" came a cheerful, female voice from about two metres away from Hughes.

Ed leant forwards to look at the speaker, freezing.

It was the dreadlock-lady from the graveyard.

Little Minamino: Thank you! Hearing you call the chapters excellent really warms my heart. And as for weaving plot elements back into the main story, I definitely have a fair few plans about it ;)

Lil'Sparrow7: Thank you for saying that, I hope you'll keep enjoying my stories! :)

And thank you so much to all you other readers, favouriters and followers!