Chapter 39

Merlin was sure that hospitals had some sort of time warp filter surrounding them. You could be there for half an hour and have it seem like days or be there days and have it feel like half an hour. He hadn't left the hospital grounds in three weeks. Arthur was waking up now enough to stare at him without comprehension, mumble something in gibberish or groan in pain. But his heart was fine, beating strongly without waver or falter. He was being waned gradually off sedation and painkillers, hence the brief bouts of drowsy consciousness. They'd been out of the ICU for about a week and a half. Merlin missed Dr Webb, although he still came every so often to check up on them.

Lancelot and Morgana had both gone home and were recovering there, both on strict bed rest. The infection in Lance leg was clearing nicely and he could move the limb with no problem just couldn't put weight on it. Morgana couldn't stand yet, either. She couldn't eat much because her insides were still healing and she found it too painful but Leon and her doctors were keeping a close eye on her. It had been nearly a month since the shooting. Merlin hadn't been home, he'd barely seen the dogs, hadn't spent time anywhere but the chair in Arthur's room since the night he spent at Gwen's. He didn't allow the children to see Arthur meaning he himself hadn't seen them either. And he hadn't been to work.

Eoghan had brought him all the cards they'd gathered from all of the branches which were addressed to him or Arthur and Merlin was steadily making his way through the pile. He'd never seen so many 'Get Well Soon' cards before. In fact, he was fairly sure that even if he added up all the ones he'd gotten from the time he'd spent in hospital over the years, he still wouldn't have as many as Arthur did now. Not even close.

All his letters were thank you notes for the speech he'd given in America. He'd read every card, letter or post card one-by-one, separating them into piles: for Arthur, for himself and for both of them. He took his time to read his own and the ones for both of them in detail but only skimmed over Arthur's personal ones. It felt wrong to read someone else's mail like that.

"Merlin," someone mumbled painfully and slowly.

Merlin's head snapped up. He'd been going through the last of the letters in Arthur's room but must have drifted off because the envelope to the post he'd been reading was on the floor and the paper in his hand which had dropped to the side.

"Mer-lin," Arthur gasped again, the word breaking in his throat with the struggle.

Merlin stood up and wobbled, forgetting he didn't have his prosthetic on. He hadn't worn it much over the past few weeks; there wasn't much point.

"Merlin. Ow."

"It's ok, I'm here," Merlin pressed the call button and hopped over to Arthur's side, taking his hand and stroking his cheek, "You're ok."

Arthur calmed a little bit, "Merlin?"

"It's me," Merlin assured him emotionally, "I'm right here."

A couple of nurses burst in and worked around Merlin to check on Arthur. They did a few tests and recorded all his vitals but seemed happy. "I'll send in the doctor," one of them said.

This wasn't like the other times Arthur had stirred. He was more alert, his words sounded like actual words and his eyes, while droopy and tired were aware and bright.

Merlin sat on the edge of the bed and stared at Arthur affectionately, "You're going to be ok."

"The plane," Arthur gasped out.

"You remember?"

"He shot me."

Merlin nodded and raised both their hands, still intertwined, to Arthur's heart.

"How long?"

"Just less then a month," Merlin told him gently.

"I'm so sorry."

Merlin shook his head and hushed him, "It's ok. You're going to be fine, it's alright."

"The others," Arthur said, "Lance, Leon? Morgana?"

"They're all fine," Merlin promised.

"Good. The shooter?"

"Dead," Merlin whispered. It still felt horrible to think about. Arthur looked at him tearfully and Merlin offered a small smile.

Arthur's doctor was happy and left them be once he'd done basically the same tests that the nurses had earlier. "Just make sure he gets some rest."

"I will," Merlin promised.

Arthur squeezed his hand, "Are you ok?"

"Of course I am."

"Good. You weren't hurt, after I was-"

"No. He was dead before he could hurt anyone else."

Arthur raised a hand weakly and placed it on the side of Merlin's face, "You look tired."

"I've been worried about you."

"Where've you been sleeping?"

"This isn't about me," Merlin chuckled, "You've been asleep for a month."

"And you look like you haven't slept for a month," Arthur retorted quietly.

"I promise, I'm ok," he said genuinely.

"Tell me what happened?"

Merlin explained everything. From when the plane had landed to the second Arthur had woken up. Arthur listened sorrowfully.

"Am I going to be ok?"

"You're going to be fine."

The door opened and Merlin grinned.

"I heard a story through the grapevine," Dr Webb said as he came in, "Had to come and see if it was true for myself."

Merlin stood up and shook his hand, "Good to see you."

Dr Webb winked at him.

"I shouldn't be jealous, should I?" Arthur joked faintly.

Dr Webb smirked, "I don't think so. I'm way out of Merlin's league. Besides my wife and four children at home might have something to say about it." He held out his hand for Arthur to shake, "It's nice to meet you properly, Arthur. I'm Dr Webb."

"I hear you saved my life."

"Not really. Just provided some company for Merlin."

"Thank you."

"I just wanted to check they were treating you properly here. I've got to get back. I'm sure I'll see you both again. Good to see you awake, Arthur."

"Nice to meet you."

After that, Arthur slept until the next morning but he woke up before Merlin and watched him carefully. He was curled up on a sofa in the corner of the room. How on earth they managed to get him a sofa in a hospital baffled Arthur but he was glad Merlin wasn't sleeping in a little chair. While Arthur had seen his husband look more troubled, he'd certainly seen him more peaceful too. His eyes were tightly shut instead of looking relaxed. They were moving wildly behind their lids as if they were panicked and Arthur wondered if this is how Merlin had been sleeping for the whole month. Squashed on a sofa, fully dressed with no pillow, no blanket and clearly not at peace. Surely his friends wouldn't let that be the case.

Merlin stirred when a nurse came in to do the morning rounds. He looked delighted to see Arthur with his eyes open. While the nurse was talking to Arthur, Merlin vanished to the bathroom and reappeared looking more refreshed than he had when he'd first woken.

He sat by Arthur's side and checked the time, "Gwaine and Perce will be here soon."

Arthur couldn't help but smile, "Are they bringing Eira?"

Merlin nodded.

"Have I got time to call your mum?"

"You should do," Merlin got his phone out.

"I still can't believe she came."

"She was amazing."

"Did she get in trouble?"

"Not so much from the nursing home. But from Freya, yeah."

Arthur croaked out a laugh and took the phone off Merlin. The previous night when Arthur had fallen asleep, Merlin had called everyone to tell them what had happened. They were all delighted. Morgana had got a bit upset because she wanted to come and see her brother but technically wasn't allowed. Lancelot had felt similarly. But Gwaine and Percival promised to be in the next day on behalf of all of them and Elyan had said he'd come in when he could.

Merlin listened to Arthur on the phone with Hunith with a smile plastered to his face. Arthur's mood had perked up considerably at hearing his mother-in-law and talked to her enthusiastically. Gwaine and Percival got there earlier than they'd originally planned to so had to wait until Arthur had hung up. Then there was much excitement as he spoke to them all. Eira sat on Merlin's knee on the sofa while Gwaine and Percival took the chairs beside Arthur's bed.

"Why is Uncle Arthur here?" Eira asked Merlin quietly.

"Remember when daddy got hurt on the plane?"

"Ages ago."

"Yeah. Uncle Arthur was hurt then, too. But worse than anyone else so he's had to stay here longer."

"Why haven't we seen him before now?"

"He's been sleepy," Merlin said, "Wasn't much fun to talk to."

"Is he ok?"

"He's fine," Merlin nodded, "Why don't you go and give him a hug?"

Eira hopped off his knee and approached the bed almost timidly. Merlin watched everything happily, delighted to see Arthur smiling and talking to friends.

"I take it this means you'll stop being a hermit crab that hides in its shell all the time and start talking to us again?" Gwaine had given up his seat by the bed for Eira and came over to talk to Merlin on the sofa instead.

"I did talk to you," he defended.

"You texted. To give us brief, one sentence updates on Arthur."

"I called."

"Gwen. You called Gwen. Once."

Merlin sighed, "Ok, maybe I didn't talk to you. But not intentionally."

"We know. We're not offended, we were just worried. And we've all been too busy to visit when we want to because everyone's trying to get back on their feet and everyone is also trying to help get everyone back on their feet. Which meant we haven't been here to help you and that's new to us because we've always, always been here to help you through everything. This time we left you."

"I've been fine."

"You've been sleeping on a tiny, uncomfortable sofa for three weeks."

"You were shot."

"You don't need to remind me."

"Besides, it goes two ways. I haven't been helping any of you either."

"You've been helping Arthur. By yourself."

"Gwaine, stop feeling bad. Morgana can't walk yet, Lancelot can't walk yet, Leon's arm is out of action until next month, Elyan has a new born baby to take care of, you're looking after both my dogs because I can't look after them, all of the kids are terrified and shaken. Arthur and I didn't need anything."

"You needed your friends."

"I have my friends. You're here, I know you're here. Stop stressing."

"He's going to be alright, isn't he?"

"Of course he is," Merlin smiled, "We're always alright."

"Good."

Arthur got tired quite quickly so it wasn't long after they'd arrived that Gwaine and Percy were getting ready to go.

"Take Merlin," Arthur said so quietly that Percival had to lean in to hear.

"What, sorry?"

"Take Merlin for lunch," Arthur said, "Get him out and something nice to eat. Please."

"Arthur!" Merlin protested.

"He's been here for three weeks straight," Arthur looked to him, "You kept your promise. You stayed until I woke up and now I'm awake so go."

"But-"

"Ok, how about I promise something," Arthur suggested, "I promise I will sleep until you get back and you will not miss anything."

"Fine. Two hours. I'll be back in two hours. No longer."

"Go."

"Going."

Gwaine drove to a café nearby and they bought what must have been one of the biggest lunches Merlin had ever seen. Eira looked delighted and ate far more than was healthy but both her fathers were too distracted with making sure Merlin was eating to notice.

"Can we leave now?"

"You've barely touched anything," Gwaine rolled his eyes, "And we still have over an hour before you break your promise to be back. Eat more chicken."

"Fine."

In the end, Merlin had a very nice time with his friends and Eira. They got him back to Arthur's room twelve minutes before he would have been 'late' so he didn't get worked up and ruin the nice afternoon they'd had.

Merlin thanked them, hugged them and walked back to Arthur's room. His husband was, as he promised, still asleep so Merlin sat beside his bed and held his hand, thinking about how grateful he was that Arthur was alive.

"Were you late?" Arthur groaned when he woke up.

"Do you think I was late?"

"Probably not."

"I was not."

Arthur smirked. Merlin leaned down to kiss him, "How are you feeling?"

"Sore."

"Yeah, I bet."

"You're not allowed to kiss me."

"Excuse me?"

"You're not allowed. I've been told I'm not allowed to get over-excited or overly stressed in case my heart rate gets too fast and can't cope. And when you kiss me, I get excited."

Merlin laughed, "So much so that your heart might stop?"

"Maybe."

"Not even a tiny kiss?"

"Every now and then. But just a peck."

"Ok. I don't want to break your heart."

Arthur smiled.

The next couple of weeks were long and painful. Arthur was hardly allowed to move just in case it put too much strain on his heart before it was healed and set him back. But finally, today was the day he could get up. Two months of sitting in bed stretching his legs and dreaming of going outside. He'd convinced Merlin to start going home overnight so that he was actually sleeping and that Gwaine didn't have to keep the dogs. In all honesty, he was glad to see them. He cuddled with them all night every night, walked them in the morning for at least over an hour then left them at home while he went in to the hospital. He'd stay all day and one of his friends would go over to check on the dogs and let them outside for a bit to make sure they were looked after. Merlin would stay until he was kicked out then get home, walk the dogs again, take them upstairs and hug them until he fell asleep. Somewhere in among that he would eat and pee of course.

"Stop shaking, Merlin."

"It's excitement."

"It's not that exciting."

"Of course it is! You were all shot two months ago and one by one you got back on your feet and started walking around again. Lancelot walked down the stairs yesterday, Arthur! You are the last one who needs to get up. And now, you are getting up."

Arthur rolled his eyes, "You're this excited because Lance walked down stairs yesterday?"

"Yes! And because you are about to stand up and walk for the first time in two weeks."

Arthur couldn't help but smile, "Ok, it's a bit exciting. But stop shaking."

When the nurse came in to ask if he was ready and lower the barriers on the side of the bed, Merlin couldn't help but blurt out, "Can I help him?"

Everyone stared at him so he shuffled awkwardly and explained, "When I was in an accident, the first accident, and I had to stay in a hospital bed for months, Arthur was the one that helped me stand up for the first time. And he's never been in a situation like this before so… can I?"

Arthur grinned somewhat emotionally and looked at the nurses hopefully.

"Ok," they conceded.

Merlin put his prosthetic leg on and came over while Arthur shuffled to the edge of the bed. He winced a tiny bit but put both his feet on the ground and took Merlin's wrists.

"Take it very slowly, put as much weight on Merlin as you need to. Remember if you fall, the bed's behind you and we're here."

"I'm not going to fall," Arthur told the nurse, "I trust Merlin."

Merlin smiled, "Come on then, up you get."

Arthur pushed himself up. At first Merlin was taking most of his weight but eventually Arthur found his balance and stood shakily on his own.

"That's brilliant," the nurse said, "Merlin do you want to take a step back?"

"No," Arthur said, "Let him stay, I want to walk. Take my steps with him."

"Just to the toilet door and back," the nurse said and slowly, "Merlin are you ok going backwards?"

Merlin nodded. One nurse followed behind them with a wheelchair to catch him if he lost his balance while the other watched closely and took notes. Arthur made it with ease although Merlin was guiding him and sometimes keeping him upright if he struggled.

"That was amazing," Merlin grinned once Arthur was back in bed and settled.

"I'm brilliant, what can I say?"

"I'm proud of you," Merlin smiled, "Permission to kiss?"

Ever since Arthur had been told not to over-exert himself or get too excited, Merlin had always asked whether or not he was allowed to kiss him before he did, more of a joke than anything else because Arthur's heart was really strong now.

"Permission granted."

Merlin kissed him tenderly and stroked his cheek, "Two weeks. That's all we have left here. Two more weeks and then you can come home."

Arthur buried his hand in Merlin's hair, keeping their faces close together. Merlin shifted a bit in his seat so the position was more comfortable.

"We're all back on our feet," Arthur said happily.

"Yeah, we are."

"Let's not- let's not get knocked back off them again?"

"You and your metaphors," Merlin chuckled.

"Hey, I nearly died. You haven't had to listen to a metaphor in weeks. Let me have a metaphor."

"Fine, you're allowed this metaphor. No one's getting knocked off their feet."

"Thank you. Kiss."

Merlin obliged and smiled, "I can't wait to have you home."

"I can't wait to be home. This is why I like it when I'm not the one in the bed. You can leave whenever you want and I'm stuck here."

"Are you saying you want me to be the one in the hospital bed?"

"Never again."

"That's what I thought. You're not stuck in the bed anymore. You can get up and leave whenever you want."

"Except I'm connected to hundreds of machines so also can't."

"I'd help you."

"You'd help me escape hospital?"

"Not happily. But I know what it's like to be desperate to get out of hospital so maybe I'd think about it."

"Two weeks. We can do two weeks."

"Of course we can. Then it's home time. And we're never coming back here again. Look, I know I've had my fair share of time in hospital- more than my fair share! You don't get the same share I did, you don't come here and sit on one of these beds even one more time. I won't watch this again. I'm being selfish and I don't care because I know you've watched me go through it so many times and it sucks and I won't watch it again!"

Arthur took his hands, "We're not getting knocked down, remember?"

Merlin nodded.

He fell asleep on the sofa that afternoon accidentally and woke up in the late evening. "Arthur! Why didn't you wake me up? I'm here to be with you."

"You are with me. It was nice, you looked peaceful. That first day when you were asleep here you looked so worried and scared and it was horrible. But now…"

"Now, you're not dying and I'm not terrified you'll not be alive when I wake up."

Arthur sighed, "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. I thought you'd died in front of me."

"Have you been to therapy?"

"Not since before we went to America. I cancelled both our appointments for a few months."

"You should have kept going."

"Do you really think I wanted to talk about how you got shot in the heart right in front of me when I still didn't know if you were going to survive or not? You think I wanted to say how for hours I was convinced you'd died right in front of me when I couldn't even try to help? Arthur, twice you've watched me lie for months in a coma not knowing if I'd live. You've seen me have panic attacks and seizures, you've caught me when I've passed out, you've watched me get through some awful, awful situations. But you've never sat next to me thinking I was dead. Actually dead and gone to never come back. Have you?"

Arthur thought about it, "The stairs. The car crash, the plane crash."

"Not the same. I knelt down next to you and I thought you were dead and I wasn't told otherwise for hours. I hate it."

"I hate to see you put through it. Because I know exactly how it felt when you fell down the stairs or when we were trapped in the car or when the plane was crashing. I know how it felt with the comas and the fire and when you were shot and when you were stabbed, when you overdosed, when you were beaten up, when you get infections. Whenever something happens to you. I know how crap it feels. And I hate the thought of it being worse for you."

"I want to talk to you about it. Not a therapist. You. You always make it feel better."

"Then that's exactly what I'll do."

"For now you're going to sleep though. Because I want you home in two weeks with me."

"Ok. Go home now."

"What?"

"There's only an hour left of visiting. I'll be asleep. Go home early, Merls."

"But-"

"Go home. I'm walking to the café for lunch with you tomorrow and I will not do it alone. Go, sleep, cuddle the dogs and tell them I'll see them in two weeks."

Merlin nodded, "I love you so much."

"I love you, gorgeous. See you in the morning."