PART 40

James knew how to get to the Death Eater Headquarters. Not many months had passed since he and Sirius had gone there to object to the wedding between Voldemort and Remus. Yes, really.

James and Sirius had kept the robes and masks and tonight Remus was wearing the other set.

Like all real headquarters, it was mansion style. James and Remus arrived in the entrance hall, in disguise.

"Well I have a brownie," said Remus.

"Did you make it yourself?"

"No I found it."

"Was it dirty?"

"It had some dirt on it, why do you ask?"

"Well… Ok give me half of it."

"You can't have half my brownie!"

"Your dirty brownie you didn't even bake yourself? I don't want it!"
"Do you want to look at my brownie?"

"No! I have rollos and you can't have half a rollo!"
James unwrapped a rollo and popped it in his mouth.

"Does your brownie have peanuts?"

"No. Let me show you the brownie."

Remus opened a matchbox with holes in it. In there, bits of soil, gravel, brick and wood. Some wool as well. Something wormed around in it.

"OH!" said James. "When you said brownie, I thought you meant a brownie! Should have said broonie."

"It's a brownie."

"It's pronounced: broonie."

"It's pronounced brownie."

"I mean, I understand you are from Oldshed and maybe you say brownie there. Do you also say: wor-cester-shy-er sauce?"

"No because that is incorrect."

"So is brownie. It's broonie. The broonie is in the hoose with a moose."

"I brought this brownie anyway."

"Whatever, mate. As long as we are talking about the same thing. Do you think this house needs a dusting?"

"Too dark to tell. Brownies are famous for being attached to houses and doing chores. You might be incredibly surprised to learn that you mustn't ever insult a brownie."

"What if I bow to it first?"

"That won't work. If you offend a brownie, it will produce… a kind of sound."

"Cool. What kind of sound is that?"

"It is a kind of infra sound."

"Is that a kind of very low sound that can't even be heard?"

"Something like that."

"So really, it doesn't really produce a sound."
"To be perfectly strict, ok then, it produces two sounds. One which is just a plain chirping sound. But it is the other sound, that is of such low frequency that humans can't hear it, that's the sound you don't want to hear."

"Good thing I can't, then."

"You can't, but your brain can."

"HOLD your STABLES!"
"You do hear it, you just don't know it. But you will know it's… effects."

"Does this sound make people soil themselves?"

"Yes."
"Cool. Except I didn't bring a change of pants."
"That's ok. I have bubblegum. Oh, I guess you would rather not have bubblegum… Well maybe you should just stay in the men's room then."

"Give me bubblegum!"

Remus gave James gum balls. James chewed them down and pushed them inside his hears. It dampened the sound but didn't block it out entirely. Remus rummaged through his bag yet again, this time after two doormats. He gave one to James.

"Mi Casa Es Su Casa," James read.

"It's to appease the brownie, to protect you from the effects of the sound."

"What's the bubblegum for?"

Shrug. "A splash of colour?"

James removed the bubblegum from his ears and stuck them to Remus's face.

"I didn't know it was magic bubblegum!"

"It isn't."

"Then how come they have turned yellow, although they were pink when I put them in?"

Remus removed the gum and went to have a little barf in a pot of umbrellas.

It was time to split up. Remus set off to find a suitable location for the brownie, and James proceeded to look for Sirius.

Using his Fiendish Fisheye he looked through every door he passed.

But he just wasn't a good finder, so when he came to a room full of Death Eaters sitting around playing 20 questions he thought, what if he just asked someone?

Somebody came and stood beside him. He whispered.

"Prongs?"

James's heart skipped a beat.

"Padfoot!"

Sirius wasn't wearing a mask or the prescribed robes. He raised a crepe pan and bashed it over James's head so he dropped down, unconscious.

Sirius grabbed his legs and pulled him into a private room. In there he searched his robes and had a look at the doormat.

He didn't really need a clue to suspect that Remus was here too, but now he was dead sure he was lurking around here somewhere with his latest silly pest. Sirius set off to find him next, taking the doormat with him.