AND WE'RE BACK. I'm back in my own apartment, where no one can ever force me to take a writing break again — muahahahaha! Honestly, it was more stressful than calming; I missed your reviews too much, lol. Also, I was terrified I'd forget how to write...? Heh.
I got a bunch of faceclaims for my characters if you're interested! It's the pinned post on my tiffanytoms tumblr! Brenton Thwaites is so hot ^.^
This chapter is so light and fluffy compared to previous ones (well, after Lily gets her well-earned revenge...) O:) Are we entering a new era in our Jily relationship perhaps?
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. Art work by the awesome Meg (tumblr: anxiouspineapples)
Begin Again
Summer Before 7th Year
Lily sat by the windowsill, airing herself out with the cool breeze on an otherwise sweltering afternoon. She couldn't believe that in a few short days, she'd be starting her very last year at Hogwarts. She felt like her time here had truly flown by.
Obviously, some of the years more so than others — the end of last year had been pretty damn rough. McGonagall had fought tooth and nail to try to get Avery kicked out of all her classes, but the Board had fought back just as hard, and unfortunately, far more powerfully. However, she was able to secure stay-away orders against all the Death Eaters (that they knew of) for Lily. If Avery, Nott, Regulus, or Snape so much as said a single word to her, they'd find themselves on the next train back to London. It was a little insane that a simple 'hello' now held more repercussions than what they'd actually already done — but Lily would take it.
She kept an eye on Rosier though. It was rather easy to do considering how much time he spent at the Gryffindor table eating meals with Marlene. It seemed as though they'd taken their relationship public while she'd been imprisoned. Every now and then he'd shoot her a nod that she guessed was a subtle affirmation of their covert pact. She kind of hated that they shared this secret together, but she couldn't deny that he very clearly made Marlene insanely happy… and he'd saved her life. She owed him.
She'd be lying if their relationship didn't severely damage her own with Marlene though. Lily remembered Petunia crying all summer a few years back when her best friend had practically dumped her after the friend's new boyfriend had declared that he didn't liked Tuney. It wasn't as bad as that, Marlene and Lily still hung out, but it felt similar.
Sirius had approached her in private after her return, apologizing profusely for his brother's involvement in her torture. Lily hated how much weight Sirius carried on his shoulders for his family's sins. She wouldn't wish that burden on anyone. She had noticed how much Regulus still seemed to interact with Rosier, whispering in the halls and walking off together… sneakily. She knew they were on the Quidditch team together, so them hanging out shouldn't have been that bizarre, but it still made her uneasy. She had to wonder just how close they were… and what they talked about. Is Rosier just keeping up his Death Eater act? Are they plotting something?
Lily guessed a bit of paranoia was warranted given her history. What she'd been through was enough to drive the average person mad.
What kept Lily going was the fact that she'd gotten her revenge. Lily had thought she could just get past everything: time… time, is what everyone kept telling her was what she needed. And they'd been right; time had lessened her wounds and fears, but it still hadn't felt like enough in the moment. Especially with knowing that she hadn't been Avery's first victim and she wouldn't be the last girl he hurt, unless I stop him. She'd become a bit obsessed over seeking retribution, staring at him at meals even though she knew he was now forbidden from even looking at her in return. She plotted. What was an adequate punishment for his crimes? What could possibly give her any sort of closure so she could recover from the pain he'd inflicted?
Then it hit her.
"I need to borrow the map," Lily said as she strode into the Marauders' room about 45 minutes after she'd formulated a plan.
"Hold on, how do you know—?" Sirius started.
"Lily? What's going on?" James asked concerned, getting to his feet.
"The map. I need it."
"Prongs, did you really show one of our best kept secrets to your girlfriend?" Sirius said, rolling his eyes. The pair both stiffened at the word, but otherwise ignored him.
"What for?" James pressed.
"Does it matter? I'll get it back to you in a week, tops."
"A week?" Peter squeaked madly.
"Maybe sooner if I can," Lily reasoned.
"Okay, we'll lend it to you." Sirius and Peter both groaned at James' words, but Remus only sat there watching. "Under one condition: I go with you on whatever quest you've cooked up."
"Potter, no—" Lily objected, looking at his feet.
"Lily," he pleaded, "I won't try to stop whatever you're doing, hell, I won't even say anything if you don't want me to, but please, just let me go with you."
She considered his words. I mean, it wouldn't hurt to have backup… "No interfering?"
"None." He smiled relieved. "And I'll throw in an Invisibility Cloak to sweeten the pot."
Her lip twitched. "You have yourself a deal." She held open her palm, waiting for him to deposit the map inside. He pulled it out of his pocket, unlocked it, and did, making sure not to accidentally touch her skin.
Lily came to him two days later saying it was 'game time.' James hurriedly grabbed his cloak, throwing it over them as they ran down the stairs and out the common room past curfew. Lily knew he had no idea what the fuck was going on, but appreciated his eagerness to accompany her all the same. She held the map tightly in her hands, watching it meticulously as they raced down several flights of stairs. James chanced a glance over her shoulder as he kept his arms out, securing his cloak to protect them from view — they were running towards two dots. The dots were Nott and Avery, and they were exiting the dungeons.
"Lily, what are we—?" he started to ask a little skeptically.
"No James, you said you wouldn't say anything." She threw a pointed look over her shoulder. "Or do anything. This is my fight, okay?" He nodded as they walked across the entrance hall, even if he didn't look particularly happy about it.
"Stupefy!" Lily cast her spell down the last staircase the Death Eaters were climbing before they slipped out of the castle. Nott fell like a ton of bricks, making Avery scramble to get his wand aloft as he searched for their invisible attacker. Lily had him in a full body bind, making him stumble down a few stairs, before he could even say a single word.
James gasped when Lily shoved the map back to him and stepped out from underneath the cloak, but she didn't have time to explain herself right now. She was on a mission.
She walked over to Avery's prone body, watching as his eyes bounced around in their sockets wildly. She bent over him, whispering, but James still caught every word: "I want you to know it was me, if only for a moment."
James' eyebrows scrunched, wondering just what on earth she was talking about. But then she straightened her back and bent her knee, bringing her heel down as hard as she could between his legs, making a sickening ripping sound.
James doubled over in vicarious pain just by seeing it, accidentally letting the cloak fall off his head. He knew the rapist deserved it, but Merlin-damn if that wasn't the most painful thing he'd ever seen.
Lily turned to James at the muffled groan he'd just made. "Got something to say, Potter?"
"Nope." James shook his head, his voice four octaves too high. "Nah, I'm good. Carry on." He looked like he was sucking on a lemon, and Lily had to smile. It felt good to get some revenge; she finally felt as though she was reclaiming some of the control she'd lost over her life. It was a little an-eye-for-an-eye, you try to take my sexuality away from me, I'll actually destroy yours, but if anyone deserved to be truly ruined — it was Avery. She'd tried the peaceful approach. She'd tried just letting him live and avoiding him, but this was war — and in war, you had to pick a side and defend it.
Lily turned back to the Slytherin. "You won't remember this, but I will." She spat on his face. "That was for Mary and me. Rot in hell." She pointed her wand between his eyes and Obliviated him, then spun on her heel and walked into James' awaiting cloak. They didn't say anything on their walk back, but Lily knew it was because James wholeheartedly agreed with her course of action and his respect translated into following her wishes for him to hold his tongue. She did still thank him for his assistance before they parted ways. James didn't miss that it was the first time she'd really tried looking him in the eye since she'd gotten back.
The next day, McGonagall had summoned Lily to her office again. This time, Lily fully anticipated who she'd find there. Avery Senior stood without his lawyer lackey and was significantly more disheveled than when she'd first met him: his hair was coming out of his ponytail and his cloak was all manners of wrinkled and stained. It almost appeared as though he'd gotten some terrible news that had made him jump while he was drinking his morning coffee. Wonder what that could possibly have been…?
"You wanted to see me, Professor?" Lily asked as she walked into the office, exuding all the confidence in the world. She currently had the magical combination of knowing her skills were infallible and her retaliation could not be traced, and being so past the point of even caring if she were wrong because of how completely ludicrous the whole situation was. She was drunk on not giving a fuck.
"You," Avery Senior said with a pointed finger, pushing off of McGonagall's desk to fully face her. "You did this!"
"Did what?" Lily asked, only barely feigning innocence. She'd heard the rumors all day. Avery Junior and Nott hadn't been found until the next morning. By that time, it was too late to salvage things in his nether regions. The words 'severe swelling' and 'amputate' had been thrown out a whole bunch.
"My son can't sire an heir!" Avery Senior bellowed.
"Oh no." Lily couldn't even fake it. "That's terrible," she said monotonically.
"It was you!" he spat. "I know it was!"
"Oh?" Lily took a step forward. "Do you have any credible witnesses?" He was practically foaming at the mouth at her words. "Any admissible evidence?" she questioned.
"You little—" he snarled.
"I can give you my memory if you'd like. Do you know the exact time the incident happened? I'm sure it was very traumatic for him. Although, word in the halls is that he had his brain damaged too. Can we even trust his account of things?"
Avery Senior raised his wand to her, a spell all but out of his throat, but before Lily could react, McGonagall had him thrown against a wall and caught his flying wand. "You shall not attempt to hex any student of mine ever again!" she cried out flustered. "I will have you removed from the Board for this at once!"
And she did.
Lily knew she had a powerful adult ally in her corner with McGonagall. This feeling only grew when the witch agreed to give her private lessons for the rest of the year on stealth, reconnaissance, spells to use on the field, and general badassery.
It turned out, a lot of the staff at Hogwarts was willing to help her out at the end of 6th year. Since Stone's true colors had been revealed (and you know, she'd died), Alice had stepped in to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts for the last few months of school. This had worked out nicely considering Frank was still in physical therapy to learn how to use his new prosthetic leg, and she refused to leave Hogwarts without him. Dumbledore assured the young couple that this was the safest place for all of them anyway, so Lily was delighted that she could help Frank with his recovery in the castle. She spent most her free afternoons walking with him, cracking jokes and sassing him into laughing through the pain. By May, he still hobbled a bit, but for the most part, his new leg had become a part of him.
Extra training with McGonagall and Alice (she focused on self-defense), and more volunteering with Poppy had Lily busy for all hours of the day. She'd be so physically and mentally exhausted by nightfall that she'd succumb to sleep almost as soon as her head hit her pillow. This was how she preferred it. Less idle time meant less wandering thoughts… and less dwelling on painful memories.
Lily was finally clawing her way out of her mental prison — learning, fighting, growing. She could see her magic improving, and it egged her on, made her train harder, and push herself further. The next time Voldemort or one of his crazies came for her (and she knew they would), she would be ready. She wouldn't make it easy for them to take her down. One of the most powerful wizards in the world had called her resilient. If that wasn't an ego boost, she didn't know what was.
Having missed three weeks of school, Dorcas had organized a study group to catch her up. When Lily gushed in gratitude, Dorcas just brushed it off, saying she was merely repaying Lily for her kindness of tutoring her in Potions when her own memory had been stolen from her. To Lily's surprise, James sat in on most of her study sessions in the library with her various friends for all her subjects. At first, she'd thought it was a protection thing — James making sure no one laid a finger on her — but then she realized he'd actually fallen behind while she was away himself. His reactions to Remus' or Hestia's explanations were borderline comical. "We didn't actually cover that… did we?" he said almost every day.
Of course, he was still James enough to be the one to the catch her up on Transfiguration. She stared at his hand exclusively to try to learn the wandwork without getting distracted, but he had such nice hands. And such a nice voice. Such nice everything really… But she hadn't been ready to think about all that quite yet. She had to focus on getting stronger first. And maybe then she could begin to unpack all of her complicated feelings for the man with hazel eyes and a mop of messy hair.
To his credit, James did seem to be genuinely happy solely being in her presence again. She knew he asked his friends to take turns walking her to classes (Remus would be subtle about it, while Sirius would loudly announce, "Your escort has arrived!"), until he saw that she was doing all right around him and started doing all the accompanying himself. She had to assume he was late to more than a few of his classes on days when they were supposed to be on opposite sides of the castle, but he never seemed to mind. (And Lily actually found his gallantry oddly comforting, perhaps because unlike before, he was being open and honest about it… and she wanted it.) He'd always have his hands firmly in his pockets around her though — like he had to forcibly remind himself not to touch her, and if his hands had been free, he might do just that without thinking.
They started growing closer and closer, falling back into that easy friendship they'd had at the end of 4th year where they'd enjoyed merely hanging out with one another and laughing. Perhaps sex had complicated things between them. All Lily knew was that while she still loved him, now she actually, one hundred percent, fully liked him too — and that was an important distinction to make. He was the first one to ask if she was okay when she suddenly jumped or clammed up in class, and the first one to ask her what she needed when she had a panic attack. Lily squeezing the shit out of his hands until the anxiety subsided had been their first real contact since they'd held pinkies at the hospital. Once she could breathe again, she realized she liked holding his hand. She made a point to causally touch him more often afterwards, testing her own boundaries as the weeks passed: a forearm clutch here, a waist push after a terrible pun there, and soon he was throwing his arm around her shoulders as they walked to Herbology.
"Is this okay?" he'd whispered.
"Yeah. It's okay," she'd answered.
He'd also just been good. She knew he still wanted her like that — she'd caught him staring at her with lustful eyes a couple times before he'd realized what he was doing and put on a friendly smile instead, but he'd pushed for nothing. It was as though he prioritized her comfort above all else, even above his own. It only made her fall for him more.
There were a few times near the end of the year where she found herself wondering if perhaps she was ready to try being intimate again. The weather was getting hotter and therefore people were wearing less clothes and good Merlin did seeing James strip off his jersey after a tough scrimmage on the pitch (that Marlene had dragged her to) stir up feelings that Lily had worried had died forever. He'd definitely caught her biting her lip, eyes glued to his body, but only given her a knowing grin in return. For one heart stopping second, Lily panicked that perhaps he'd fully cemented the idea of her as a platonic friend in his head forever, but then he'd shot her a wink and she let out a huge sigh of relief.
"I swear, this pitch makes you two weirdly horny," Marlene had joked, clearly having caught the whole exchange.
"It does." Lily smiled. "It really, really does."
When her friends had gone home for summer holiday, they all promised to write. Dumbledore had suggested to Lily that she stay at the castle over break so she could continue her training with Madam Pomfrey (and he even paid her rather handsomely for her efforts). The unspoken truth was that she was still in massive danger, and she didn't really have anywhere else to go. James and Remus were the only ones who seemed to follow-through on their word religiously. Remus' letters were good for telling a friend all that she'd been learning and how her entrance exams for healing would be a walk in the park considering all she could already do. James' letters warmed her heart and filled her soul, making her giggle at all of the crazy antics he'd been up to with Sirius. Hearing how they'd 'accidentally' turned their roof into a trampoline was the highlight of her July. His words were just what she needed: levity, silliness, and a break from the real world. It was a little mad that this was the second summer in a row that his letters had meant the world to her. James had always been her escape… her happiness… too bad she hadn't been alert enough to realize it until now (and he'd been pretending to be someone he wasn't the first time around).
She was still busy at all hours of the summer though. Dumbledore explained how he wished for her expedited healing training because, as her and Frank's first night back had shown, sometimes two healers were better than one. And then he truly blew her mind: Dumbledore was leading a resistance against Voldemort, and he wanted Frank and her to join, given their prowess and past history of thwarting him. They'd obviously jumped at the opportunity, but Frank was shocked, and subsequently a little hurt, that Alice was already a member of the Order and hadn't told him.
"I'm sorry, honey, but who do you think convinced him to let you guys join now?" She gave Lily a nudge. "Was a little harder for you, considering you're still in school."
Lily smiled gratefully. Her and Alice had developed a camaraderie from all their training sessions. All Alice asked in return for her teachings was help with overcoming Imperio. They had tried for weeks, Alice getting more and more agitated with her lack of progress as time went on.
"What are you thinking of?" Lily had finally asked, not understanding how a witch who excelled in every other area of defense could seemingly struggle so hard with this.
"What Moody always tells us to: 'honor and vigilance.'"
"Oh," Lily said, slouching against a desk.
"Why?" Alice asked, raising an eyebrow. "What do you think of when beating it?"
Lily shrugged. "Just how much I don't want to do what other people tell me to."
Alice's jaw dropped. "What? You're telling me it's all about stubbornness?! What the hell is Moody going on about then?"
Lily laughed. Alice cracked the spell soon after that.
Lily mostly listened at the Order of the Phoenix meetings, feeling a little too young and green to contribute much, but she started to realize the other members did not view her this way. On more than one occasion, they'd turned to her and Frank to ask what they thought Voldemort would do, given they'd spent the most time in his presence as of late. The extra scary part? Most of the time, she could answer them — his mind invasion had led her to somehow understand just a bit of his pitiful soul as well.
The meeting when Emmeline Vance walked in, Lily had an out-of-body experience. At least she thought she did, until she realized it was just plain, overwhelming jealousy. James slept with this woman. This adult, put-together young professional — James got her off before he did you. He's been inside of her. Lily went the opposite way as her thoughts, treating her kindly almost to the point of being a total kiss-ass — if only to prove that she was not jealous and that women didn't have to hate on other women because of (her one true love) some boy.
Emmeline might have been a little frightened by her eager friendliness at first, but eventually, they got on just fine. If only I could be this civil with Brianna… Though the more she thought about that, and remembered the girl's complete lack of help over the whole drugging incident, Lily realized that was definitely never, ever going to happen.
Lily picked out a swishy yellow sundress and a simple light purse, feeling nervous as hell. She had agreed to go to Diagon Alley… with James. Just James. But it most certainly was not a date, nope, not at all, despite his flirty little sign off on his last letter when they'd confirmed the time and place: 'It's a date.' It's just a saying, Lily, relax. She realized she was being twitchy because she actually wished it was one. But it's not; it's just two new Heads getting together to buy their books for the year.
McGonagall had handed Lily her badge in person at the end of the last meeting telling her how proud she was of her. It had honestly almost made her cry, especially when Lily realized that the two people she wanted to tell the most were no longer alive. Her parents would have been ecstatic. Lily couldn't believe she had ever found her Transfiguration professor too stern before — she really just wanted the best for her students.
When McGonagall told Lily that James was her Co-Head, she wasn't surprised at all (nor was she surprised by Frank's chuckle, signaling that he was clearly eavesdropping on their conversation). James had always been a leader, whether he was up or down, wrong or right — people followed and respected him. Maybe she hadn't always, but Lily definitely did now. He'd grown so much in the past year. James had become her rock. Lily knew her abduction had changed him, but it was more than that — he'd started maturing even before, and she'd had front row seats to watching him become the man that he was today.
"I told you," Frank chimed, poking her in the ribs as soon as McGonagall left.
Lily fought off a smile. "Told me what?"
He played along. "I told you Dumbledore fancies himself a matchmaker."
Lily snorted. "What? You reckon I'm not good enough for the position all on my own?"
Frank rolled his eyes as they walked out of Dumbledore's office behind Alice who was in a heated discussion with Moody. "Obviously you are, but Mr Troublemaker turned Saint? Nah. Not so much." Lily shot him a look that had him putting his hands up. "I know, I know, he's smart now, and I like him… but Dumbledore basically just assigned you a bodyguard. That boy would die before he let anything happen to you again."
It scared Lily a little to realize he was right. (But she knew that was not the reason James got Head Boy — he deserved it. And he was clearly the kind of man Hogwarts needed right now in the midst of a war. The kind of guy I need.)
Alice and Frank came to her common room that night (they were still staying in Alice's old professor suite) to celebrate with Lily with a bottle of wine. The pair were that special type of couple that never made you feel like a third wheel but instead just basked you in their love which they seemed to have in unlimited supply. Lily knew they were leaving as soon as school started again — going to live in a safe house where they could Floo to and from the Ministry for work — and she didn't know what she'd do with herself without them. Frank assured her she'd still see 'far too much' of them at meetings, but even he looked teary-eyed when he'd said it. He wiped at his cheeks and blamed the wine. Alice cradled his head in her lap tenderly in response.
Frank had wanted to join Alice in accompanying Lily to Diagon Alley, but as Alice had pointed out, he could hardly protect Lily being the other person Voldemort wanted back in custody.
So it was just Alice and Lily (the latter having charmed her hair and eyes temporary brown to attract less attention), walking to Hogsmeade so they could Disapparate.
"You know, you look like a totally different person without your red hair," Alice said looking up at Lily. "I don't think I'd recognize you at all if I didn't know. It's just so unique." Lily wondered if James would. It had been so very long since she'd seen him now. Alice seemed to pick up on Lily's straying thoughts. "That's a very pretty dress." Alice gave her a knowing look, currently sporting practical boots and very mobile joggers herself.
Lily knew her cheeks were reddening. She felt like she was being teased by her mum before going on a date. It's not a date! "Thank you."
"Don't worry, Lily. I'll give you guys space. It'll be like I'm not even there."
Alice was starting to feel less and less like a bodyguard sent to ensure Lily wasn't kidnapped again, and more like a chaperone at a middle school dance making sure that all the kids were at least half a meter apart at all times. Why the hell am I so nervous? It's just James! You've seen him a thousand times before. Naked! So many times naked. Just picture that. But that had obviously been the wrong course of action, because now she was mortified and horny, and that was just a really weird combination.
When they got to Diagon Alley, Lily found James nearly right away, leaning against the window of the Quidditch store with one forearm, seemingly lost in his admiration for the latest model broom — because of course he was.
"I'll leave you to it then," Alice said with a smile so big you could hear it in her voice. Lily nearly jumped having already forgotten she was there whilst ogling James.
As if he could feel her gaze, James turned to her, looking confused before recognition crossed his features. "All right, Evans?"
She approached slowly. "How'd you know it was me so fast?" she asked, flinging her currently brown hair over her shoulder.
"Your smile's the same." He shrugged. "And you're blushing. You always blush."
Lily felt herself blush harder. "Do not."
"You do around me." His lopsided grin could kill her.
Surprising even herself, Lily slung her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a hug. She felt him stiffen for a brief second before his arms came around her waist, holding her so tightly he lifted her clean off the ground, making Lily giggle.
"You give good hug," he muttered in her hair as he rocked her back and forth like he never wanted to let go.
"You give bad English," she teased.
He chuckled as he put her back on her feet. "Jeez, I thought you might let me have that one considering I was paying you a compliment."
The corner of Lily's mouth quirked up. "Since when have I ever given you anything?"
She could tell from the twinkle in his eye and the slight uptick in his left brow that his mind had just gone to a naughty place, but he held himself back. "I don't know, I recall getting some scrumptious cookies for Christmas and my birthday."
"I know, I'm the worst gift giver—"
"I don't think I emphasized scrumptious enough if you're saying that." There he went, having her smiling again. "Speaking of food, what do you say, Head Girl — still fancy getting lunch first?"
She nodded, her smiling turning goofy. "Yes, Head Boy, I am rather famished."
He threw his arm around her shoulders, the habit from walking her to class that she was so glad had stuck. "Can you believe it? Us ruling the school?" He had on a reminiscing smirk. "I always said together we could do anything."
"Yeah, yeah, you said that when we were 15."
"I was still right."
Lily snaked an arm around the back of his hips. It just felt good to be here with him. Touching him innocently. Oh how she'd missed just being near him. She could feel her inner battery recharging from the light he was shining on her. "Glad the badge didn't go to your head, Potter."
"Hardly. If anything it's a liability. I know how much you love transforming my badges into metal skrewts that fall and break my toes," he teased with a squeeze of her shoulders.
Lily's jaw dropped. "That was one time!"
He laughed. "Just kidding. The badge totally went to my head. How could it not? You love authority figures."
She raised a challenging eyebrow. "You're not authority if we're of the same ranking."
He held her gaze for far longer than felt absolutely necessary and Lily felt a chill travel down her spine. She wondered if he felt it. "Damn. That's too bad." His voice was low and her heart rate was high.
Holy shit, we're fully flirting. It shouldn't have been a shock — they'd grown so close before her kidnapping, found their way back to solid ground after, and yes, some of his letters that summer had been downright cheeky, but it still hit so much differently when he was right here, pressed up against her side, his eyes piercing her soul.
"Your eyes are really pretty," she blurted out before she could stop herself. Okay, so I'm a little rusty in the flirting department.
James burst out laughing, and if the sound wasn't balm for her frazzled nerves, she didn't know what else ever could be. "I'd much prefer manly and—"
"How could eyes ever be rugged?" His eyes widened, as though shocked she'd know exactly what he was about to say. "Besides, yours are all twinkly and glowing and flecked with gold and…" she let her words trail off. Why am I saying all this stuff out loud?! Frank's romanticism must have rubbed off on her. They'd spent many a night plotting new ways he could continue to woo his fiancée and planning their honeymoon to Bali, and Lily felt rather in awe of his devotion to her. Sometimes it was hard to reconcile the vision Frank had of Alice with the woman who kicked Lily's ass into shape every other day through training — but who was Lily to judge a multifaceted woman? Why couldn't she be both mushy and strong?
James stopped outside a café, standing in front of Lily and looking at her in very nearly the same way he'd just been looking at that new broomstick. Lily knew with how much he loved flying; it was a comparison she'd gladly take. He tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear as he whispered, "We all know when it comes to eyes, Lily, you have the world beat." His oscillated between hers behind his thick frames. "Well. Normally." Her heart melted. "I'm really glad you still remember stuff. You know — us. How we were," he confessed softly.
Her hand came up to touch the back of his palm, still resting in her hair. She was happy — and relieved — too. She'd been so worried that all her memories would have been poisoned or tainted, but they hadn't been. All she'd needed was time to be around him for all her old feelings to flood right back in. "Me too." She wanted to kiss him, she really really did, especially when she saw his eyes flicker to her lips for a split-second, clearly wanting to as well. She knew he wouldn't make a move until she asked him too — far too conscientious of her boundaries to do anything but.
Before she had time to act on her impulse, the moment had passed and James was clearing his throat. She cursed her moment of hesitation. "Inside or out?"
"Hm?" Lily asked distracted.
"You wanna eat inside or outside?"
"Inside's probably more stealthy." They went in, James holding the door for her and putting his hand on the small of her back as she went. It was funny how the smallest of actions could strum the hardest on her heartstrings.
Somehow Alice was already at a table, looking like she was reading The Prophet. Lily huffed. Damn she's good.
They got a small table by the window, ordering sandwiches and catching up on their lives.
"How's your dad doing?" Lily asked between bites.
It was the first time James had looked uncomfortable since they'd met up. "Not so good."
Oh. Lily had no idea what to say. She reached for his hand across the table instead. She knew he didn't really like talking about him.
He changed the subject shortly afterwards, but she noticed he didn't let go of her hand either way, using his thumb to trace along the back of her hand. It soothed her when the sudden slamming of the café door jolted her or her mind wandered off when another customer's voice in their vicinity sounded just a bit too much like Voldemort's high squeal. James kept her there — grounded.
"Your hair's gotten longer," she said lightly when she noticed him tugging on it with his free hand.
"I know." He pushed the unruly locks off his forehead. "I'm gonna get it cut tomorrow—"
"Don't," Lily stated boldly. "I like it. It's different."
He looked at her poignantly. "All right. Shaggy it is then."
She smiled picking up her sandwich. This sure as hell feels like a date.
"Is it weird?" he asked, and she could tell by his expression that his thoughts were lingering on heavy topics. "To be surrounded by people who don't know? Who are totally oblivious I mean?"
"Like to what I've seen…?" Lily questioned.
"Yeah. To that. To the war that's brewing. All of it." She could tell he was genuinely curious as to how these sort of everyday situations were affecting her, and wasn't asking just to pry.
"Yeah." She wiped off her mouth with the back of her hand. "But sometimes it's nice too. Seeing people just living their lives reminds me that there's still normal out there too, you know? Like everyone goes through shit, and eventually you become okay again and most people will be none the wiser that you ever struggled." She motioned to the café at large. "I know I'm not the only person who's had a rough go at it, and I won't be the last." James just stared at her, lips parted. "What?" she asked self consciously, hoping her honesty hadn't scared him away.
"Everything," he said adoringly.
He really needed to stop using all his old lines on her, making her remember and relive all the situations, and positions, he'd used them on her the first time. Her cheeks hurt. "You're too much."
"And you're never enough." Lily almost got lost in how his eyes had glossed over regarding her, but then her head tilted to the side as she registered what he'd actually said. "Wait! Fuck— I meant I can never get enough of you!" he tried explaining frantically.
Lily giggled as she pulled back her hand, using it to throw a chip at him. "Smooth, Potter, smooth."
He shot her a wolfish grin and a wink. "Should we plan how we're gonna run our first prefects meeting? Oh shit, am I going to have to do it alone?" He looked so worried.
"Nah, I'm going to Apparate to King's Cross so I can take the train with all you guys. It's a bit silly, but I wouldn't do that to you."
"Oh thank Merlin," James sighed.
"You were scared?" Lily teased.
"I mean, a little, yeah," he admitted making Lily laugh. "Can you imagine the look on all their faces if I walked in alone and started ordering them around? They would one hundred percent think I was pulling a prank and the real Heads were locked up in the bathroom."
Lily would have paid to be a fly on the wall for that conversation. "I suppose you're right."
"But don't worry. I had Remus come over to explain prefect duties to me yesterday, so I'd say I'm actually fairly well prepared." He looked rather smug about it.
"Is that so?" Lily asked, not wanting to admit just how impressed she was by his efforts. "That's adorable actually."
"Adorable? Evans, are you trying to emasculate me today?" His eyes twinkled mischievously.
Lily shrugged. "Maybe. Is it working?"
"Nah. For it to work you'd have to stop checking me out every time you think I'm not looking."
Damn it. Lily looked down at her lap embarrassed before peeking back up at him through thick lashes. He was leaning forward on the table grinning into the edge of his water glass. She had no idea why seeing him doing something so mundane as holding a cup was making her so horny. Was it his long fingers, wrapping almost all the way around the glass, making her think of how those fingers had done such unspeakable things to her? Was it the condensation, dripping down the sides, making her envision just how she'd used to watch his sweat gather along his neck and travel down his collarbone during a particularly taxing romp? Or was it the way he drew his bottom lip into his mouth by his teeth, telling her he was thinking of exactly what she was, here in this public place, and no one else knew of their shared tawdriness?
He took in a deep breath. "Ready to go shopping?"
Lily could think of several things she'd rather be doing (to him… right now) but she bit her tongue and took his proffered hand. When had she gotten so horny? Had she been like this before and just forgotten because it had been so long? Was this normal? It's probably not normal, but it's just the power of James Potter, she reasoned.
They walked in and out of the stores shortly afterwards, picking out what they needed. Lily didn't miss that James had to buy new clothes because he'd grown in all the right ways over the summer again. He'd practically tackled her out of the shop when he was finished, hugging her from behind when she'd tried getting new shirts and skirts too, claiming her current (too short) wardrobe was perfect. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it, Evans."
James had been impressed with all the dueling she bragged about doing with Alice (naturally she came up considering she was stalking them), but Lily still felt like an absolute idiot for what she was about to ask of him. "Actually, James, I was hoping I could ask you to help me train for something too?"
Perhaps it was her unsure tone or the way her nose scrunched, but James stopped in his tracks, putting down the Potions supplies in his hands and turning to her seriously. "Of course. Anything."
She guessed she should have prefaced it wasn't that big of a deal. Hardly a useful skill… it isn't like we practically live on a giant island in the middle of kilometers and kilometers of choppy, scary water, in a castle by even more water and just… water. "Could you teach me how to swim?"
His face cracked into a dimpled smile. "Yeah. I thought you'd never ask."
She pointed a finger at him, only for him to grab it instantly. "No making fun of me while you do it, though."
"Wouldn't dream of it, Evans." He looked far too happy. "Besides, we both know this is only a ploy to get me shirtless."
"Am I that transparent?"
"Uh huh," he replied with a shit-eating grin.
"Well, looks like I won't have to scheme so hard since we're about to be living together…" And there it was. The thick cloud of sexual tension brought on by the acknowledgement of their impending living arrangements.
"Right…" Lily watched as James' back straightened. "Is that cool? I mean, living with me?" His hand flew into his hair. "If it's not, or you're at all uncomfortable, I can always stay in my old dorm and you can have the space—"
Holy shit, he needs reassurance. "No!" Lily said urgently. "Uh," she bit her lip, "you don't have to do that." She let out a nervous laugh squirming a little. "I'm actually kinda excited about it to be honest." Was she admitting to too much? Lily was still sort of mortified how much they'd perfected their physical intimacy before their emotional intimacy.
He smirked. "Me too. It'll be like Christmas break all over again." She raised her eyebrows at him. "You know, minus the whole being hunted during our date thing."
Date. Date date date… The word bounced around her brain uninterruptedly. "Only the good parts?" She looked up at him hopefully.
"Only the good parts," he promised. She hadn't noticed, but somehow he'd already paid for both of them over the course of the conversation.
Before she knew it, it was getting late and they were running out of shops to pretend to browse as an excuse to draw out their hangout.
"Well. I better not keep Alice waiting too much longer. Sure she's missing Frank," Lily said a little too disappointedly for her own taste. She had this silly little feeling that she should probably be playing it a little cooler than she was — and not as desperately in love as she felt. Their relationship felt delicate in a way it hadn't before. It meant too much now to be anything but, well, everything.
"Oh, how is he?"
Lily gave him a megawatt smile. "Great! He can jog now."
"Damn, that's awesome. He should come train with me and the team sometime then."
Lily refrained from saying aloud how sweet she found him making an effort to hang out with one of the most important people in her life, but she sure as hell still thought it.
"No can do, Mr Potter," Alice said walking up to them. Lily hoped she'd only heard Lily saying her name… and not everything else all day. "I like my fiancé in one piece, thank you."
"You got it, Professor," James said respectfully. Alice had been an unusually popular teacher after all.
Alice visibly recoiled. "Oy. Not anymore. Call me Alice, please."
"Okay… Alice." James made a face. "Feels kinda weird."
Lily poked him in the ribs. "Says the guy who calls McGonagall Minnie."
James shot her a wink.
"All right!" Alice announced. "Well, we're off."
"Oh, I'll Apparate with you guys. I'm holding all of Lily's bags anyways."
Lily reddened. "Only because he insisted…" She had no idea why she felt the need to defend herself to Alice. It was far too late to avoid getting teased on the walk back to the castle anyway.
They all popped over to Hogsmeade and were immediately greeted by a happy Frank eating an ice cream on a bench while holding out a mostly melted one in his other hand. "There you are! I thought you guys would be back an hour ago. Hi James."
"Longbottom." James gave him a pleasant nod in return.
"We would have been, but someone just couldn't…" Alice's voice trailed off as she happily strode over to him, giving Lily and James a little privacy.
He handed her all her books. "Thanks. You didn't have to come all this way."
He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, it was a real detour." He ruffled his hair. "Besides. I might have had ulterior motives?"
"Yeah?" Lily asked hopefully. She felt her heart skip a beat, that overwhelming desire for him to kiss her coming back in full force.
"Mm hm." He nodded cutely. "I wanted to see you without the disguise." His gaze went to her hair.
Crap. She shouldn't have been disappointed, it was sweet as hell, but still. "Oh, of course," she recovered as fast as she could, fiddling with her wand.
The smile that broke over his face made all her sadness disappear. "There she is." He played with the hair that rested on her shoulder.
"James," she whispered, the weight of her words making her feel as though their delivery had to be gentle. "I'm so glad you're my Head Boy."
He wound her hair around her finger a couple times. "I have the feeling this is gonna be our year, Lils."
His face was so close. She'd forgotten about that light smattering of freckles she loved so much across his nose. She vowed never to forget again. "Is that a prophecy?"
He chuckled. "Fuck no." He licked his lips. "That's a promise."
"James—"
"Lily, come on! You'll see each other in like three days!"
"Alice!" She heard Frank whisper-yell. She was with Frank on this one: Aliiiiiccceee…
"I'll see you soon, yeah?" Lily said, standing on her tippy toes to kiss his cheek before she could overthink that too. "Thank you for lunch."
"Was my pleasure." His voice had no right to be so deep and sexy right now.
She rushed over to Frank and Alice, the former immediately launching into a whole slew of questions as they began walking to the castle.
"Frank, they couldn't keep their hands off each other," Alice supplied.
Lily looked back to keep from having to face her friends, but yeah, also to see if James was still there in the distance.
He was. And he had the stupidest smile on his face. Suddenly the start of school couldn't come fast enough.
Next Chapter: Home, Sweet Home