I have sunk to a new low. My fanfiction inspired this piece. *HIDES FOREVER* Anyway, I dedicate this to the beautiful, inspiring, and flawless Sanjana.

I also recommend checking out Always Better from the Bridges Of Madison County, to which I wrote the last paragraph or two.

I don't own things.

A Little of Both

Cindy's sneeze rings in her ears and sends a shot of pain through her head. She groans, wiping her raw nose with a kleenex and tossing it in the nearly full trash can next to her bed. The dress hanging over her closet door catches her eye. The A-line skirt is emerald green. There's a gorgeous cream-colored bodice covered in green leaves made of lace. It was stunning. Truly deserving of a senior class president (which she loved reminding Neutron of) at prom. Now it mocks her with its very existence.

Her phone chimes, and she picks it up. It's a blurry photo of a crowded dance floor.

CV: I wish I were there with you.

BESTIE: You should be sleeping!

CV: It's only ten. Besides, I am living vicariously through you.

BESTIE: I bet you are.

CV: What is that supposed to mean?

BESTIE: Just sayin' Neutron looks damn fine tonight. A suit... suits him! Hah! BTW he's been gone for like half an hour. Are you hiding him in your bedroom?

CV: LIBERTY FOLFAX! GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!

There's a knock on her bedroom door, and she freezes. Her mother never knocked.

"Cindy, I need to talk to you," a familiar voice says.

She kicks off her covers and walks to her bedroom door. She opens it, and for a moment, she admires the young man opposite her. Jimmy is wearing a grey suit that looks about a decade old and is too small for him. The color of it brings out the blue of his eyes in a way that makes her heart skip a beat. His hair different than usual as well; she thinks there might even be gel in it.

"You're using the door," she announces.

"Way to state the obvious, Vortex."

"You usually burst in through my window," she huffs.

"Oh, I figured I shouldn't risk ruining this get-up. It was my father's. Now, are you going to let me in, or do I have to keep standing in your hallway?"

She shrugs as she steps away from the door. She crosses to her bed and crawls into it. Neutron enters after her. For a moment, he stares at the door and, deciding something, closes it behind him.

"How did you get my mom to let you in?"

"My Hynpo-Beam may have been involved. Don't worry. It won't last long."

She doesn't know how to respond to that. She watches as Jimmy wanders around her room. He studies the Yale posters on her wall, the pictures she has in frames. His shoulders are tense, and his fingers are twitching at his side. He seems uneasy, which is strange because he'd been in her room plenty of times. "What are you doing here, Neutron?"

"Obviously, I'm here to see your wall decor," sarcasm seeps through his words.

"You left your date alone at our senior prom? Wow, some genius you are," Cindy teases, but Jimmy shrugs.

"It's not like she's my girlfriend or anything. She asked if I wanted to go, and I said yes." He rubs the back of his neck with a nervous chuckle. "In retrospect, it might not have been a moment of prime mental clarity."

She sneezes again. "You do know that if you catch this, I am not going to take the blame for it."

"I'm not worried about it. I recently got the Neutron Immune Booster perfected. May I sit?" When she nods, Jimmy pulls off his coat and hangs it on the back of her desk chair. Then he sits next to her on the bed. She can't help but notice how his white dress shirt clings to his body. A shiver that has little to do with her fever travels up her spine.

"Were you having fun before you dumped your date to come here and visit me?"

"I guess. Butch spiked the punch. Sheen, who was a bit tipsy, announced that Libby was his UltraQueen. Of course, after that, Principal Shelly dumped out the bowl."

Well, that explained Libby's strange message earlier. "Did you drink it?"

"Before Butch got to it, I assure you," he laughs too.

She sneezes, and Jimmy hands her a Kleenex. He's pushed up his sleeves, exposing the soft skin of his wrist, and she longs to reach over and touch him. She snaps her eyes away before she gives in to the temptation. "I can't believe Carl went stag. I never expected it of him. He's matured a lot since we were kids."

"He has. Of course, it helped that Nick was stag too."

"I hope he wasn't too disappointed. I felt so bad this morning when I told him I wasn't coming."

"Are you two together?" He fiddles with the box of kleenex, pushing it and prodding it.

"No."

"Then why have you been avoiding me?"

"Oh, you noticed that," her voice is little more than a whisper, yet it seems to echo around the walls. She sounds so small and vulnerable. She hates it.

"Of course I did," he replies. "Now tell me why."

The excuses she wants to give vanish out of her mouth. "It's not important."

"Yes, it is!"

"Why? It's not like-"

Jimmy lunges across the bed and kisses her. She becomes hyper-aware of everything. His warm palms cupped against her face and the scent of the gel in his hair. Then he pulls away. She immediately feels the empty spot where he was.

"Shit," Jimmy runs his hands through his hair. "I should not have done that."

Before she can doubt herself, she pulls him back into another kiss. Her fingers drift through his hair, and every inch of her sings in unison. She is a Neutron star exploding into the universe with blinding white light. This time when Jimmy pulls away, there's a deep blush on his cheeks.

"That was," he mumbles, licking his lips as if he can still taste her there. "Why did you do that?

"You did it first. Besides, it was just a kiss."

"Nothing with you is ever just anything," he says as he moves back to where he'd been sitting a moment before.

"Oh?"

"Cindy, I came here tonight because these past months have felt so wrong. I've been ignoring it, but I can't anymore."

"Neutron-"

"Please let me get this out. You are more important to me than you realize. You make me smile, and whenever you aren't around, it's like I'm missing my left hand or something."

"Thanks, I guess."

"Look, I'll most likely regret telling you, but I need you to know that I-" Jimmy stutters. "I…"

"You what, Neutron?"

"Love you. I love you," he sighs as though he let go of a weight he'd been carrying a long distance.

Relief, happiness, and regret morphs into a cyclone inside of her. She's trapped by it and also freed by it. "You love me?"

"You didn't know?"

"No."

"I thought I'd been rather obvious of late," he picks at a fingernail. "I know it's terrible timing."

"It is, but I understand why you needed to tell me."

"You do?"

"Of course I do. Because I love you too." His eyes spark with hope, and her heart liquifies in her chest. She powers through the instinct to grin like a fool (well, mostly). "That's why I've been avoiding you. It hurt too much knowing that we couldn't be together," she adds gently.

"Are you sure we can't be together? I'm going to MIT, and you are going to Yale. It's not that far apart," he argues.

"But what comes after that? You and I both know NASA plans to send you into the farthest reaches of space. In addition to inventing things and changing the world. Can you honestly tell me you would have time for a girlfriend?"

"If it were you, yes," he declares.

"I have ambitions too, Neutron. I'm not going to give them up."

"I didn't ask you to do that! Don't you understand? It's not like I love you despite your ambition and passion. I love you because of them!"

Cindy sighs, running her fingers over the quilt on her bed. The pastel colors almost hurt her eyes. "Well, unless you can invent teleportation, it's better this way. Trust me."

The smile on his face disappears as he nods, but the softness in his eyes remains. "Now what? Do we pretend this never happened?"

"No, it's too late for that, but it stays between us. However, don't think for a damn second that this means you can cut me off. You are going to stay in touch, do you hear me?"

"I hear you, Vortex."

"Friends?" she inquires softly.

"Friends, but first," he bites his bottom lip and then leans forward to kiss her again. She can feel her heart pounding in her head. When he pulls away, the lovely pink hue on his cheeks is back full force. "I had to do that one more time. Now, I should go before the Hypno-Beam wears off and your mother comes up to murder me."

Despite herself, she laughs. "That's a wise decision."

He stands up from her bed and looks at his reflection in her mirror. He smoothes out the kinks in his hair. She tries to ignore the warmth that corresponds with the knowledge of how he'd gotten that way. He collects his suit coat and slings it over his shoulder. He crosses the room without a word. Once he's opened the door, he finally turns back to face her.

"Good night, Cindy."

"Good night."

He smiles softly and then goes out into the hallway, closing the door behind him. Cindy listens to his footsteps retreating down the stairs. She hears him say something to her mother, and then the front door closes. As she stares at the place Jimmy had been sitting a moment before, pain sears her insides, and regret closes around her throat with cold hands. She wonders if it would've been better not to know what his lips tasted like or to feel his body pressed against hers. Then she thinks that's not right either.

Because a place she'd kept locked inside her heart had been ripped open, exposing her to a world bathed in light. She'd held love in her grasp, and she would never forget how its soft wings had fluttered in her palms.

She wipes tears from her cheeks. Whether they are tears of joy or sadness, she doesn't know. Perhaps it's a little of both.