PETRA'S P.O.V.
Petra blinked open her eyes with a sigh, staring at her ceiling. The last few days had been weird. Very weird. She had been on an emotional rollercoaster, in fact, she felt like she had been on that ride a number of times without breaks.
When the two remaining members of the squad had gotten back to the walls safety they looked around for their Captain and Dilan and Stacy. Petra couldn't deny she had been worried.
Thankfully Gunther wasn't harmed very seriously part from a few broken ribs, and he was still passed out. Petra and Eld waited by the gate nervously, unsure of what to do. They hadn't been given any orders and everyone was running about tending to the injured and getting the caged titan passed the village people who were being very public about their opinions. It was a while before the centre rank entered the gate and Petra gasped when she saw them. Both the Captain and Dilan half dead and passed out in the back of a cart with the section commander.
The two of them watched the cart go by with wide eyes before Eld had nudged her and she snapped out of it. They ran, catching the wagon up and asked Hanji what happened. Petra's heart dropped when she couldn't find Stacy and dared to ask the question. She could sense it in Hanji's solemn eyes before she said it.
"Stacy didn't make it."
With those four words they were glued to the spot in shock and the wagon left them again.
It wasn't until almost 5 hours later that they were told what happened. Petra didn't know if she had ever been so surprised. She couldn't believe it at first. No way would that sweet little girl ever try to poison someone. She would never poison the Captain, the girl respected him too much. And yet, it was the truth.
Surprise soon turned to anger. Petra was angry at Stacy for what she did. For pretending to be her friend, for lying, for listening to her rant about loving Levi and for giving her advice on how to get his attentions. Why would she try to help if she was planning on killing him? Was it all some kind of sick joke to her? Did she find it hilarious? Stacy was like a little sister to her. She couldn't believe this.
But she didn't have time to feel. No, the world seemed to be crumbling around them. She had heard from a cadet that the Captain had gone into cardiac arrest and he wasn't likely to make it. Dilan had been imprisoned like some criminal. Gunther was passed out from his injuries. Eld was off, trying to get Dilan released. Petra was alone. She was alone and without instruction.
So, she went home, made some tea and sat in the dark. Anger turned to sadness and she mourned her little sister. Because even if it wasn't real to Stacy, it was real to her. Petra heard she saved Dilan's life and tried to fix what she did to the Captain. If that was indeed true... she would forgive her. It would be hard to overcome the betrayal, but she would manage. She had to.
So, the next day she got up as usual. Eld was waiting for her in the kitchen and they rode over to headquarters. Apparently, Dilan was still a captive and there was no way of seeing her. Captain Levi was still unconscious, but he was stabilised, according to squad leader Hanji. It was around lunch when Gunther woke up. Explaining to him what happened, what Stacy did, may have been the hardest thing Petra had ever done. The look on his face was honestly heart breaking. His eyes showed the pain and shock, but he was laughing. He was laughing a disbelieving laugh and asked in a broken voice if they were making some sort of sick joke. Petra had to blink back the tears when she to him they were not.
Gunther seemed to go catatonic after that.
They took him home the next day and he disappeared behind the door to the bedroom. Petra and Eld hadn't seen him since. They left food outside his room and it was taken sometimes but more often than not it remained outside his door until one of the others collected it. They asked him if he wanted to talk or train. They would only get a stony silence as a reply.
Petra and Eld would sit in the lounge in silence, drinking.
"It could be worse..." Eld muttered on one occasion. Petra looked over at him from the fire, her teary auburn eyes, bloodshot from crying and took a glug of wine.
"How?" She muttered sarcastically. She had never felt so cynical before. Eld didn't reply to that and Petra didn't blame him.
A few days later when the Section commander pulled up outside their home and barged through the doors, startling both of them out of their unconscious state on the sofas. She explained briefly that Levi and Dilan were both awake and resting in the infirmary, while she collected some clothes from their rooms, Petra didn't know if she had felt more relief in her life. The Captain was going to make it and Dilan was released from the cellars. She felt a bit of hope spark in her chest for the first time in four days.
They begged to see them, but Hanji denied them the request. Said they needed to rest and that they would be back at the inn tomorrow.
Then Hanji was gone again before Petra even had the time to protest. She smiled anyway, knowing her Captain would be back to her soon, a warmth filled her chest. It was then that Petra wondered whether she should tell Levi how she feels. Life's so short, if the experience has taught her anything it's that. She didn't want any regrets, but she was still scared. In truth, she doubted she ever would but it was a nice fantasy to pass the time.
Petra sighed, sitting up a bit and looking out the window, yawning. She had something she had to do today. Something she was supposed to get up early to do... but... what was it?
The galloping and heavy breathing of horses pulling up outside the inn made her eyes snap open wide in alarm.
Shit!
They were supposed to clean.
"ELD!" Petra screeched in a panic, clawing on her dressing gown and running into the hallway the same time Eld did. From the look on his face and his informal appearance of pyjama bottoms and a tank top, Petra would say he forgot too.
"SHIT!" They both gasped in unison and ran down the stairs, grabbing bottles and shoving them into cabinets. The fire had left crumbly coal grains all over the floor that were smudging, and they hadn't swept the floor or done the dishes in a long while.
"Why didn't you wake me up?!" Petra hissed at him. Eld gave her an exasperated look as he roughly folded a blanket and threw it in the pile.
"Me?! You were the one who said you were going to wake me up!" He hissed back. Petra glared at him as they grabbed the broom at the same time. "I am not going down for this!" He warned and pulling the broom towards him.
"THIS WAS ALL YOUR FAULT. IF ANYONES GETTING BLAMED, IT'S YOU!" Petra yelled back, pulling the broom towards her. Eld growled and he opened his mouth to retort but a forced cough, designed to intrupt, made both of them freeze, their blood running cold. They didn't move a muscle and didn't dare to look towards the door.
In their shock they dropped the broom and it hit the floor with a loud clang.
"Would someone care to explain to me what the hell is going on here?" A low dangerous voice cut through the tense silence and Petra cringed, wanting so heavily to crawl into a hole and die she might actually attempt it.
Reluctantly, Petra and Eld stopped their dread filled eye contact and looked towards the voice, seeing their Captain standing in the doorframe. His arms were crossed, his face was stern, and his eyes demanded an explanation immediately.
The intensity sent a shiver down Petra's spine and she suddenly realised how undressed she was, subconsciously trying to wrap the dressing gown further around her torso. Next to him was Dilan, a wide amused grin on her face and a white bandage wrapped around her head.
"Fucking hell. What happened here?" She mumbled, looking at the mess. Levi looked at his second in command before back at the frozen pair.
"Well?" He asked, monotoned and both of them tensed. Petra thought she might very well pass out.
"Well... um, you see, Captain..." Eld tried, not meeting the intimidating man's eyes.
"Yes, cadet?" Levi encouraged. He did not look amused.
"W-we were going to clean up... b-but we forgot, sir." Petra practically whispered, looking at her shoes, trying to hide her red face. She had never been so embarrassed. Levi took a step forward, eyeing the chaos with narrowed eyes, picking up every single detail.
"Forgot, huh?" He questioned in a low voice. Petra shivered again. His voice is so sexy, she thought absentmindedly, her eyes widened in embarrassment and her face reddened even more if that was possible. Now is not the time to be thinking about things like that! You're about to die, Petra!
There was silence for a long time and Petra's heart was beating at an unhealthy rate. Eventually Eld couldn't take it anymore. Petra shook her head, but he ignored her and said something anyway.
"S-Sir?" He questioned bravely and Levi looked over at him with those cold grey eyes. Eld flinched. "W-we're very sorry for the mess and-and we will clear it up immediately?" He offered, his nervous voice making the sentence sound more like a question than a statement. Levi stared at him and Petra was so lucky not to be in the blonde's shoes.
"Very well." Levi replied after a while and both their faces moulded into shock.
"Huh?" They replied in unison. They were expecting a scolding, a lecture, a punishment. They both flinched as Dilan burst out laughing.
"God, you guys look like your about to wet yourselves!" Dilan choked out before bursting out laughing again, needing to hold onto the wall for support. Petra watched with astonishment as their Captain's lips tweaked upwards to a brief moment watching Dilan convulse with laughter.
Although this may have been a hallucination, induced from panic as she blinked and he was back to his normal stony face, smacking Dilan up the back of the head and she yelped. "OW! I have a head injury you know, jack ass!" She hissed and both Eld and Petra gasped, waiting for Dilan's inevitable death. Which is why Petra felt faint with surprise as Levi simply rolled his eyes and sighed.
"Which is why I didn't hit your injury, idiot." He retorted, earning himself a glare. Petra and Eld were too shocked to move. Petra had to remind herself to breath. What the hell is happening?! Levi's gaze turned back to them and they flinched. "Well? I suggest you get started on this shit storm if you want to be finished in time for dinner." Levi reminded.
"B-but sir, it's barely 9 in the morning." Eld dared to say and Levi's eyes narrowed.
"Exactly." Was his curt response and they tensed more if possible? Dilan snickered.
"Yes sir!" They both replied and continued to clean. Levi tsked them and ordered them to get some damn clothes on first which made Petra blush hard. Still they did as tell and walked towards the stairs, embarrassment radiating.
"Oi." The captain said and they both froze, turning to him.
"Y-yes sir?" Petra asked. Levi crossed his arms.
"Where's Swaltzs at?" He asked and Petra and Gunther shared a look, their faces dropping a bit.
"Gunther hasn't been doing so well, sir. He hasn't come out of his room since the expedition. I think... he took what happened pretty hard." Eld explained. Petra nodded in agreement, blinking back the sudden flood of tears.
Levi nodded briefly in recognition before sending a look to Dilan.
"On it." Dilan replied, seemingly reading the unspoken request. Petra blinked, wondering how two people could be so well connected. She felt a pang of jealousy watching them. What she would give to have that with him. It was embarrassing the lengths she would go to get it.
Petra was pulled out of her depressed trance as Dilan started up the stairs, pausing to accept the hug, Eld pulled her into. She chuckled, patting him on the back before pulling away and continuing. Petra smiled and pulled her into another hug, whispering that she was so glad she was okay.
Dilan smiled sadly and whispered back that they would talk later before walking up the rest of the way and disappearing into the hallway. Petra look back at Levi in time to see him glaring at Eld before his face fell stoic again. Petra blinked wondering again, if she'd imagined it. These past 10 minutes had been the strangest minutes of her life.
"What the fuck are you two standing there for?" Levi asked in a bored voice and they both jumped.
"Sorry Captain!" They replied before running up the stairs. Petra hurried to get behind her door, closing it and sighing in relief. Despite how awkward that was... she felt happy. Hopefully things would get back to normal now.
DILAN'S P.O.V.
Dilan snickered in amusement as she heard Levi speak again and the frightened pair ran upstairs, quick to hide in the safety of their rooms. It had certainly been a surprise to come in finding the place a wreck, the pair arguing about blame in their pyjamas. Dilan found it hard not to burst out laughing right then and there.
She wasn't surprised Levi didn't punish them though. It was clear to see from the empty alcohol bottles that the squad had been having a hard time. He wasn't going to punish them for grieving. But he certainly wasn't going to go easy on the cleaning. That wasn't to punish them, that was just the man's OCD tendencies.
Dilan reached Gunther's room and sighed. It made sense that the boy was having a hard time. Whether or not they were together, he was closest with Stacy out of the whole group. It must be difficult. Dilan could relate to losing someone you felt like family with.
Taking a breath, Dilan knocked.
"Gunther, it's me. I'm alone. Could we talk?" Dilan asked.
Silence.
She sighed.
"Come on, bud. You shouldn't push the squad away. Hiding doesn't make it hurt any less. I know that better than anyone." She tried again.
Silence.
Dilan sighed again and leant her head on the door.
"I miss her too." She whispered.
Sil-
Dilan lifted her head as she heard heavy footsteps and the door was ripped open. Dilan looked up into Gunther's tortured orbs. It was clear he had been crying.
"Miss her?! Why would you miss her?! She betrayed us all!" Gunther spat angrily. Dilan guessed he was having some pretty conflicting feelings right now.
"It's okay for me to miss her. She was my friend." Dilan said calmly, hoping the boy would get the message behind her words. Gunther scoffed.
"She wasn't. She was a fucking liar. She lied about everything! She-She was just lying... nothing was real..." Gunther's yell went to a whisper and a tear dripped down his face. Dilan eyes saddened at his pain.
"Come here." Dilan said gently, taking the depressed boy's hand and leading them back inside his room, shutting the door behind them. She knew he wouldn't want the others to see him like this. Dilan sat him down on the unmade bed and opened the curtains, letting some light in the room. She went back around and sat down next to him, taking his hand and squeezing it for support.
Gunther sniffed, more tears dripping down his face as he hung his head.
"I-I want to hate her." Gunther choked out in a thick voice. Dilan smiled sadly, putting an arm around him and rubbing his shoulder comfortingly.
"But you don't." She said softly. Gunther let out a shaky sigh and screwed his eyes shut, shaking his head. "That's okay. It's okay to miss the ones we love." Dilan reassured. Gunther let out a sob.
"B-but I feel so stupid. S-she said she loved me. Was i-it a lie?" Gunther asked quietly. Dilan smiled and shook her head.
"No, kid. It wasn't. You know, I lived in the underground for a long time. I know con artists when I see one. I know when people are acting fake because you can sense it. You can see how artificial they are." Dilan started and Gunther looked at her with confusion so she elaborated. "It's why I never realised Stacy was sent here. That girl was real, everything about her. Everything she said, was real. Everything she did. She loved it here and she loved you. She didn't want to do it, she was just desperate and scared. People will do unbelievable things when they're afraid which is why I'm proud of her. She fought the fear and she fixed her mistake. She saved Levi and me. She was a hero; she was our friend. It's okay to grieve her, you hear me?" Dilan asked, blinking back tears of her own.
Gunther sniffed and nodded, trying to wipe away his tears with an arm. Dilan smiled and gently pulled him into a hug which he was eager to accept.
"It was real. It was all real." Dilan whispered, rubbing his back comfortingly. Gunther took a breath, calming down.
"T-thank you. Thank you for not hating her. S-she loved you too, you know. She always told me you were her role model and that she wanted to grow up just like you and be strong like you." Gunther replied quietly. Dilan smiled and blinked out a tear, feeling a pain in her heart. But the pain was a good one.
"We'll carry her. We'll carry her the rest of the way, the rest of the fight. Okay?" Dilan said determined, pulling back and wiping her face. Gunther smiled and did the same.
"Okay." He said in a similarly determined voice. Dilan smiled in approval, standing up and ruffling the boy's hair.
"Good, now have a shower and get dressed. You fucking stink." Dilan teased and Gunther glared at her but let out a laugh anyway.
"Fair enough." He sighed. Dilan chuckled, squeezing his hand for reassurance that she was here for him if he needed to talk again, to which Gunther smiled, before she left the room, sighing in content.
She heard Levi coming up the stairs.
"Do it again. It's still filthy." He ordered, receiving nervous 'yes sir's' in reply. Dilan smiled in amusement and met him at the top. Levi looked at her before glancing at Gunther's room at the end of the hallway.
"Will he be alright?" Levi asked. Dilan smiled.
"Yes, I think he'll be fine." She replied. Levi smiled a bit in approval and nodded, taking a look at her.
"You should go lie down; you have an infection." Levi suggested. Dilan rolled her eyes playfully.
"I'm fine." She countered stubbornly and Levi glared at her.
"Lay down or clean." He ordered. Dilan tensed, weighing her options. She sure as hell didn't want to clean right now. Gritting her teeth at the authoritative bastard she feigned tiredness and pretended to yawn.
"You know, I'm feeling pretty tired." She admitted, really not wanting to clean. Levi smirked and rolled his eyes.
"I bet you are. Get some rest, brat." He said kindly, before heading back downstairs. Dilan watched him go with a smile, feeling a weird fluttery feeling in her stomach. He really did care about her.
Brushing the feeling off, Dilan sighed and went to lie down. She was actually pretty tired.
Dilan woke up late. It was well into the evening. Late enough for everyone to be in bed. Guess she really did need a rest. Not that she would admit this to Levi's face though.
Dilan sighed, fully awake now, she got up from bed and sat down on the window seat, staring into the darkness. She thought about her conversation with Gunther and her heart panged painfully as she remembered what she had said to Stacy. How mean she was to her. How she said she would be delighted to kill her for what she did. How in the end it was Dilan's mistakes got her killed.
Dilan blinked back the tears, hugging her legs to her chest and leaning her chin on her knees. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.
Why do I keep losing people?
Her thoughts were interrupted by a very, very quiet knock on her door. She turned to blink at it, her eyes widening when the realisation came that it literally could only be one person and she got up, quickly moving to the door and opening it. Sure, enough there was Levi. He looked like shit and Dilan was immediately worried. His face was kind of sweaty and his hands were in his pockets which told Dilan he didn't want her to see them shaking.
He looked at her and she quickly gathered what he wanted, stepping outside, she quietly closed the door behind her. She took one of the hands out of his pockets, that were indeed shaking, and held it firmly in her own for support, leading him up the stairs. It was always too risky for Levi to knock on her door encase one of the others heard. That's why it had never happened before which told Dilan this was serious.
They got upstairs and Dilan moved towards his bedroom, moving on the assumption of making him comfortable and figuring out what the fuck was going on. Levi pulled her back and tilted his head towards the roof.
"Levi, your shaking." Dilan whispered a reminder. Levi look to his room with a face that Dilan could only describe as reluctant before he shook his head stubbornly and moved towards the roof door again.
Dilan sighed, knowing she wasn't going to change his mind, but she would do this her way regardless.
"Fine. One sec." Dilan said, letting go of him to walk into his room, ignoring the confused look from her friend. She grabbed a blanket from the end of his bed and coming back out again. Levi gave her a 'seriously' look and she nodded, grabbing his hand again and leading him up.
When they got out into the cold night air, Levi seemed to relax slightly, looking up at the stars. Dilan gave him a second, observing how unsteady on his feet he looked. She tugged on his hand gently and he looked back at her. She led him over to the wall and they sat down. Dilan put the blanket over him, and he glared at her. Dilan gave him a stern look and he sighed, not protesting.
"What happened?" Dilan asked, kneeling down in front of him. Levi was sitting cross-legged, with the blanket over his lap. He was looking down at his hands that he had clenched into fists to stop from shaking. "Levi, what's wrong? Do you feel sick?" She asked, feeling his forehead. He was warmer than he should be, but it wasn't alarming yet. Maybe some sort of residue from the poison.
"Dil, I-" Levi tried but cut himself off, swallowing hard. Dilan held her breath, wondering if he was going to tell her what was bothering him. Maybe that's what this was about. "I'm sorry." He clenched his jaw, not meeting her eye.
"What for?" She asked softly. Levi hesitated but shook his head slightly.
"Nothing. Can you just stay here with me?" He asked quietly. Dilan was taken back by the desperate tone of his voice. A tone she hadn't heard in Levi since the night they first moved into the Inn. Like back then... Dilan couldn't refuse this time either. She moved to sit next to him, putting the blanket over herself too since it was rather chilly. She leant her head on his shoulder and found his hand. Levi realised some of the tension he had been holding, letting out a breath of relief, he relaxed.
"You really aren't going to tell me what this is about?" Dilan asked after a while. Levi was silent for a moment.
"No. Not yet. Are you mad?" He answered truthfully. Dilan sighed.
"No. I'd be mad if you tried to spew some obvious lie. You know your really shit at lying?" She pointed out and Levi raised an eyebrow at her.
"You are the first person who has ever said that to me. I've been told more than once that I have the best poker face in the world." He replied and Dilan chuckled.
"Yeah well I guess no one knows you like I do then." She shrugged. Levi smiled a bit.
"Oh yeah?" He asked. Dilan smiled and nodded.
"Yep. You have a tell. When you lie, you straighten your spine. You make it so your posture is perfect, and I have it theorised that you do this so you have one less thing to worry about, since you hate bad posture as much as you hate lying." She smirked and Levi looked at her in disbelief.
"No way do I do that." He frowned. Dilan laughed.
"You really do, think about it." She suggested and Levi went quiet for a moment. Eventually he sighed.
"Shit." He mumbled and Dilan giggled, amused.
"See it now?" She teased. Levi glared at her and Dilan was pleased to find he was looking a lot better from how he was 20 minutes ago.
"Shut up. You have a tell too, you know?" He shot back. Dilan scoffed.
"Oh yeah?" She challenged. Levi nodded.
"You scratch the back of your head when your nervous. Whenever you lie, you get nervous." He countered and Dilan's eyes widened. She didn't think he would pick up on that. The perceptive bastard.
"Shit." She cursed and Levi laughed a bit, looking back up at the sky.
"Don't worry, it's not noticeable. Only people like us notice things like this." Levi said softly. Dilan hummed in agreement, leaning into him as a cold breeze rustled the trees.
"We're the only two people like us." She decided, being truthful. She hadn't met anyone else who understood her quite like Levi did. Not even in the underground. Even her brother, who she told everything, didn't know her mind, the way she thinks, quite like Levi does. She supposed that's what a best friend was. Someone who knows you better than yourself.
"Yeah... I think so too." Levi replied, smiling a bit. Dilan sighed in content, needing this. They hadn't been out on the roof in a while.
The comfortable silence went on for a long time. Dilan found herself getting kind of sleepy.
"I talked to eyebrows this morning." Levi said quietly out of the blue. Dilan hummed in acknowledgement that she was listening, closing her eyes, resting against his shoulder.
"Yeah? What did the bastard have to say?" She mumbled, tiredly. Levi let out a puff of amusement.
"He explained he's tightening the background checks on soldiers so nothing like what happens with Stacy happens again." Levi explained. Dilan nodded, relieved at that. He didn't like the idea that Kenny was watching them and she didn't want to be worried about Levi getting assassinated 24/7.
"That's good." She agreed. Levi nodded.
"He also wanted me to put down the reserve as our new squad mate. Bozado I think it was. He's arriving tomorrow." Levi informed and Dilan looked up at him, concerned.
"Don't you think it might be a little soon after Stacy?" Dilan asked, worried. Especially for how Gunther's going to take it. Levi sighed, raking a hand through his hair.
"Don't get me wrong I was worried about that too. But Erwin doesn't have emotions so naturally he didn't see the problem. We'll just have to hope nothing happens. They're all friends, aren't they?" Levi asked and Dilan nodded. "I'm sure it will be fine." He reassured. Dilan sighed and nodded, leaning back onto his shoulder.
"I hope you're right." She mumbled. Levi looked down at her and Dilan looked at him. Burning amber met steel grey and Dilan swallowed subconsciously. She had never noticed just how... beautiful Levi's eyes were before. However, she swiftly pushed the thought to the back of her brain, knowing thinking about it too long would threaten to make her blush.
"You're tired. Go to bed." Levi said finally, looking back straight.
"I slept all day. Besides I want to stay with you." She countered tiredly. Levi smiled a bit but remained stubborn.
"I appreciated it brat, but I feel a lot better now and you're close to passing out. If you don't go now, I'll end up having to carry you down in a few minutes anyway." Levi pointed out and Dilan couldn't deny that he was right. More often than not, their roof meetings ended up with Dilan passing out. In the morning she would wake up safely tucked in her bed. She always knew she was safe when she was with Levi. She could be vulnerable around him without fear or worry.
"Aren't you going to bed?" Dilan asked, sitting up a bit to blink tiredly at him. Even in her tired state, she didn't fail to notice Levi tense.
"I'm not tired." He lied. How Dilan could tell? His back was practically a 180-degree angle. Dilan sighed but didn't mention it. She observed her friend, wondering why he wouldn't go to sleep. A nightmare maybe? But he hadn't wanted to go into the room specifically. Was there something in that room that was scaring him? What?
"Yes, you are. Come on, I'll stay with you. You need some rest." Dilan pointed out, standing up and offering him a hand. Levi looked up at her. While his face was straight there was a lot of emotion in his eyes. She couldn't decrypt it though.
"You don't have to do that." He replied quietly. Dilan smiled in reassurance.
"You're my best friend, stupid. You'd do the same for me and most importantly..." She paused for dramatic effect. "Your bed is comfier than mine." She grinned. Levi cracked a smile and rolled his eyes, taking the hand and getting up.
"Dumbass. The beds are the same." He pointed out as they walked back down. Dilan smiled and shrugged, looking at him. He looked to be relieved.
Whatever her friend's demons were, they seemed to vanish as they got back into his room and under the covers of his bed. It took five minutes, but Levi was out, sleeping like a log. Dilan smiled subconsciously, brushing some hair out of his eyes. She sighed in content before closing her own eyes and letting sleep take her.
A/N: Next chapter done! We're getting closer to the truth every day guys!
Sorry about the shortness of this chapter. I'll make it up to you with a long one tomorrow.
Thanks for reading! X