Chapter 39. December 25,εуλ0007

Grateful.

Relieved.

Those were the washes of sensation that came over Zack, vague touches rather than sharp impressions. He'd been concerned when Aerith and Cloud had disappeared from his view, and he had no idea why – still didn't – only knowing they were both still alive because he hadn't met them here.

But still, those two balls of light, close together – but he knew nothing more. Were his hopes being realized? Was romance blossoming, were the two he loved most finding some happiness together?

As long as he felt them together… he was confident they were safe. Cloud would guard Aerith in his stead. He was counting on it.

Embrace your dreams, Cloud. Protect your honor. Do you still remember my words?

But there was a nagging foreboding as well. Something coming from Cloud, something not quite right… and just the fact that he felt anything bothered Zack immensely. He didn't have that level of senses. He shouldn't be able to tell.

What was going wrong?

He tried desperately to reach out to her, the woman he loved, a tender brush on her dreams. But it was like grasping a bubble, gone almost as soon as he touched it, and he was left bereft, not knowing if he'd reached inside….

Aerith woke up flushed and sweating. The trip to the Gold Saucer, the hunt for the Keystone, had exhausted her, and she'd crashed out at once. After finally getting off the plane, it wasn't surprising her dreams went first to scenes of flying. But then they had taken another, more potent turn.

The memory of that dream was all too vivid, imprinting itself on her mind before she could let it go; even in the dark she could feel herself blushing in shame and embarrassment.

She'd been dreaming about Cloud. Not just him. HER and him, and she could still feel his skin sliding flush against hers, their naked bodies entangled. The sensation had been sharp enough that she could still feel the ache; she was too mortified to reach down between her legs and find out how her body had responded.

Cloud's touches in her dream, especially unnerving because they reminded her so much of another lover, one who had touched her for real. Naked atop her, his touch was Zack's touch, his cock was Zack's – the only man who had ever been inside of her.

And remembering the way she'd cried out, the way Zack had once made her scream – willing those dream memories to fade away – she couldn't help but feel like she he was betraying Tifa, however unwittingly.

She wondered if Tifa had ever known Cloud's touch. It wasn't inconceivable, some night before she'd met them, one thing had led to another… and now they were too awkward to follow through.

She found herself picturing Cloud and Tifa together, and to her surprise, the vision grew in her head, sparking a jolt of excitement that she hadn't expected.

Lying back, she allowed her mind to drift forward carrying that image; picturing Tifa underneath Cloud, her legs wrapped around him, back arching and luscious breasts against his chest. Writhing and whimpering, as he drove his hips forward, thrusting inside of her over and over. Aerith pictured Tifa throwing her head back, wailing in pleasure, and her own hips twisted in response to this voyeurism of her own making.

She wanted to soothe the burning craving between her legs. Too long without a lover's touch. Desire hadn't left her with Zack's disappearance, but it was all twisted in knots, leaving her uncertain as to what or who she wanted.

Not too surprising she was having uninvited dreams of Cloud.

Besides - he was the key to it all. Yet something inside him split apart, a break that needed to be repaired before that fissure shattered open completely – or would be better just to crack it wide, have it done?

She needed Cloud to be ready; she was afraid there wasn't time. They – and Shinra - were going to the Temple of the Ancients, pursuing Sephiroth, himself looking for the Promised Land. There must be some answers to the Promised Land there, things she had not yet learned – but what did Sephiroth expect to find? How? He was no Ancient; he didn't understand the Promised Land was found within, no more that Shinra ever had.

But ever disquieting to her were the rumors of a Black Materia; could that be what Sephiroth was seeking? She didn't know what it was, what it did; but she was afraid she was going to find out. It must somehow relate to her own White Materia, but what was the connection? Her mother's materia had always made her feel safe; now, she shivered.

Uncertain and fearful, she knew she was counting on Cloud to be there, to guard her. Was Cloud himself prepared for what they might find? A showdown with Sephiroth was coming, she could feel it. And the Planet itself seemed to worry for Cloud.

That split in his soul, his emotions, needed to be healed; and she would do the best she could to do so. She needed to teach him to connect, how to experience the world, the people around him; he was making progress, but it was oh so slow. He needed the relative lack of freedom inherent in that paradigm; needed to be tied to something to make him whole. To be able to feel, to wash away the numbness he experienced all too often.

It was her job to guide him, but her own dreams and feelings, subverted for a greater cause, were interfering in her plans.

She'd tried a gentle, personal touch, trying to forge a direct connection to his soul; to use her Cetra skills to calm and soothe him. But something was blocking her; he'd have to find the way out on his own. Out of his pretend-strong exterior, a shell to hide his flaws. Cloud, still an enigma in so many ways – familiar yet novel all at once, as confusing as she reorienting herself relative to him. Not to be his lover; to be his guide.

Cloud was his own mess in her emotional nest. Despite her best efforts, he sparked feelings in her that she had thought lost; as much as she wanted to see her two friends finding love and happiness together, goddess, she couldn't deny it still hurt.

And she thought she had an idea of why.

It was too much sometimes – his subtle gestures. So reminiscent of her lost love. No wonder it carried over into a dream of him making love to her the same way. Yet that was all it was, a dream – dream or reality, there was only so close she could get to him.

But with Tifa, he somehow seemed more of himself, whatever that meant. It was something that only Tifa could bring out of him. Tifa held the route to his heart – a tunnel too small for Aerith to enter. Still, with time running so low, that wouldn't – couldn't – stop her from doing what she could.

It was time to get to the bottom of some of these mysteries. She needed to guide him, not cling to him, and she needed to do that before it was too late – before they found whatever awaited them at the temple of her ancestors.

Decision made, she hopped out of bed, pulling on her clothes, ready to pay Cloud a late night visit. Somehow, she knew he would still be up.

Cloud started out the window, lightning striking, rain sleeting Fake. Like everything else in this place. Fake like he himself still felt so much of the time. His mind was running through his adventures, his experiences, since this had all began; thinking over how they had changed him in so many ways – and how they might change him still. Filling the hollow inside with something fresh and new.

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts, unexpected this time of night. "It's open", he called, instinctively gauging his sword's location, uncertain who might chose to enter.

The door squeaked open as he turned. To his surprise, it was Aerith who appeared; last time he'd seen her, she'd been adamant about going straight to bed. "Heya," she began, but she seemed fidgety, agitated; and he wondered what had brought her to his room tonight.

Aerith. On one hand, he felt sometimes like he'd known her forever; other times, she was a murky mystery. How she fit into his life, how she'd showed up out of nowhere to become this medium for change. The beginning of this journey, the path he'd been set out on, with the ending still unknown. And then there was the woman herself, sparking uncomfortable feelings he hesitated to face, remembering her cryptic warning. She let the door slide shut behind her, leaving them staring at each other across the room, he taking the moment to try and figure out what exactly it was he felt for her.

She wasn't Tifa. That was his first thought. Perhaps that was her most distinctive feature, but he shuddered to identify her only by a negative when there was so much more to her. The familiarity he felt – like the feeling of the sword in his hands, the motorcycle under his legs, she felt like she was meant to be there; it hit him so strongly sometimes that he had to question if it was mere coincidence that had allowed them to meet, or if there really was some destiny at work.

He felt… warmly towards her, at the very least. And that in and of itself was an accomplishment. To be able to feel things, a door she'd help open up – her Cetra talents helping him to bridge across the gap.

She crossed the room with a few long strides, looking him up and down with concern. "I just wanted to come check on you," she told him. "Everything alright?"

"Sure," he replied, perplexed. "Why wouldn't it be?"

This close he could feel her acutely, much more than the soft-sigh whisper he'd heard her calling to him before. A link he didn't understand, yet it was undeniably there. She stepped just a touch closer, bordering his personal space; a shiver went through him, his nerves tingling with the simple sense of nearness. The way one just knows when a person is close – a radiating of a body's warmth, a soul's presence.

"I figured you'd be thinking about tomorrow," Aerith replied. "Going to the Temple… you're expecting a fight with Sephiroth, aren't you?" Cloud flinched visibly. "I thought so. I can feel it, too. Something big is about to happen."

Cloud had that unexplained connection to Sephiroth, but Aerith was hearing the doubts of the Planet itself, that feared the general and what he might have planned. Yet Aerith couldn't distinguish between the Planet and her own uncertainty, that cried out to her to care for Cloud, to protect him… the way Zack had once meant to protect her. A turnaround, and she wondered at the implications.

"I'm ready," Cloud assured her, but in reality, he was wondering. He was looking forward to facing Sephiroth – craving it even, for all he owed the man – but deep inside, a part he tried to hide, he was reluctant, terrified. Too many doubts about himself still, and no time to resolve them; he'd have to do the best he could with what he had. Who he was.

With Aerith right in front of him, he felt drawn to her for reassurance, at the very least, unsure where exactly it was coming from. Was it attraction, desire? They looked so similar; it was confusing to his inexperienced mind. Some minimal experience with the opposite sex was hardly enough to understand the female heart, particularly when two women between them seemed to be dictating his path. It made it difficult to extricate the two in his thoughts; he'd been so sure he knew what he wanted, just a short while ago. But now, in this moment, he was suddenly second-guessing himself.

That confusion was part of what kept him from giving himself to Tifa in the way he so desperately wanted to. A physical attraction, an uncomfortable itch with little to justify it, but enough to disrupt what he thought he had resolved in his mind. He wanted to be there for Aerith, but, selfishly, from Tifa he wanted love.

At least, that's what he thought.

It had been comparing Cloud to Zack that had given Aerith an idea. The mako. That was part of it. It had never taken Zack over – he'd been able to draw on all those memories and feelings to make himself stronger; once more she wondered what he might have become, if only he had known of Marlene. But Cloud… he hadn't yet learned how to truly love. The SOLDIER skill of using one's memories, one's emotions… when he had any memories at all to fall back on.

Perhaps the problem was Cloud loved too deeply, and that made him vulnerable – the overflow of feelings and emotions, blended with the mako-facilitated connection to the Lifestream – and even less experience than she herself. If she, even after experiencing it for years, sometimes found it overwhelming, what must it be like for him?

Weak, defenseless against the rising tide. Susceptible to unexpected sensation, unanticipated feelings for her, among other things, just when he'd begun tilting properly towards Tifa. She wanted to teach him that that flood of memories didn't have to be toxic; show him how to keep his memories pure. He needed those touchstones of love and happiness to find his strength.

"You need to really be ready," she urged him. "I thought… maybe I'd be able to help. I might have some answers." At least, she hoped; she knew little more than the rest about the Temple itself, awaiting the next day with the hope that there were answers to be found there. "Go ahead. Tell me what's on your mind."

"I don't really know," Cloud shrugged. The short answer, but a true one nevertheless. He didn't know enough to even formulate a question; how was he supposed to get some answers?

"You need to know. Whatever I can answer for you. I want to make sure you're prepared," she told him. "For whatever we might face."

"Why wouldn't I be?" Cloud asked blankly; but inside, he was afraid. She was hitting a little too close to home; close to his own fears and insecurities, the worry he'd be inadequate. A failure. Again.

"I don't know… that's what I'm trying to figure out." Aerith was at a loss; and being this near to Cloud was leaving her disconcerted. The way he was staring at her now… like he could really see her, like so few did. It was subtly intoxicating, and it was fogging her head. But deep down… she knew this was an ethereal illusion brought on by frustrated desire and loneliness. Cloud wouldn't love the real her, any more than she would be able to love the real him, with too many remembrances in the way.

This moment was a connection of souls… but it wasn't that kind of love. Not the one she wished it could be. The yellow flower had been meant to bring him back to her. Instead, it had brought her Marlene. And for that alone, she sent a silent thanks that Cloud had entered her life.

"I'm wondering about the Black Materia," she told him. "That's… worrisome."

"What do you know about it?" Cloud asked, relieved to have a direction for the conversation.

"Nothing… actually. I've never even heard of it before today." Or had she? Somewhere in the whispers of her ancestors' memories, she sensed a remembrance of it there, pointed towards her – almost as if they were trying to speak to her. Maybe at the Temple she could hear them more clearly. "I don't understand how it would help Sephiroth find the Promised Land."

Cloud looked grim. "Just the fact that he's trying means we need to get him away from it."

"I'm not arguing with you there," she told him. "I just wish we knew more of the answers, you know, how it all fits together?" How you fit in, Cloud. "The Promised Land… the Planet won't allow it," Aerith mused. "He's not an Ancient. The Planet doesn't want him there. It sees him as an enemy, a blight." That much, the Planet had made adamantly clear to her. She sighed. "The Promised Land… it's something everyone finds for themselves." Perhaps that, more than anything, was what she was trying to teach him. "It's… a journey all its own. Hard, but rewarding at the end. Same as we're on a journey now." I thought I found my Promised Land, once. Now I don't know what mine is anymore. "What does the Promised Land mean to you, Cloud?"

Cloud shifted from one leg to the other, not answering. He considered what Aerith was saying, inevitably coming back to her place in his life. Aerith, propelling him forward; yet Tifa brought him home, to the self he wanted to run from. Perhaps that was what made him most afraid.

Aerith fidgeted. Who are you really, Cloud? "I want to meet you," she found herself suddenly saying. "Get to know you. The real you."

It was as if she had read his own thoughts; yet Cloud was completely confused by her question. "What are you talking about?" he answered, perhaps more bluntly than he had intended. "What's gotten into you, Aerith? I'm here. Right in front of you."

"No… you're different… things are different…" Aerith was talking more to herself than Cloud, she knew. Normally she was much more articulate, but now, she was garbling what she was trying to say to him, uncomfortable being near him after that still-vivid dream. He might be different, but that didn't mean moments with Cloud were not to be cherished. Every moment matters, Cloud. You said you'd remember that. Will you remember this? Cloud… no, she shouldn't let herself think along those lines. It was nothing but an illusion, a dream that couldn't become reality.

Cloud was now… thoroughly baffled by Aerith, normally so straightforward, being so esoteric. When he needed some clear answers the most. It all tied together – this journey, Sephiroth, the whole team and Tifa – altogether combining to change him. Into what, he still didn't know, but he felt Aerith was the only one who might have an answer to that question… she was a Cetra, right? Didn't that entitle her to all that extra knowledge from the Planet? He'd thought a time or two he might be hearing the Planet itself, but there was no way it was the same. Right?

This moment was a precious chance for him to find some of the answers he sought. But somehow, there was a barrier between he and Aerith that communication couldn't cross. It's because she's not… He knew how that sentence finished, but for some reason he couldn't finish it.

"Do you understand what I was trying to tell you?" she suddenly prompted. "You know… in the garden?"

She had said so many things in the garden, but the one stuck out. Every moment matters. And suddenly, he was thinking of Tifa again, the image of her beautiful face filling his thoughts. "I think… I might." Nibelheim, the moment they'd shared. The clearest he'd felt in a long time. Tifa… she made him whole.

Cloud did understand. Aerith could see that now, and she was glad. Cloud, a fellow searcher, a kindred spirit – slowly finding his way. And she wanted to be there to help, to facilitate becoming a hero the way she knew he could be. The potential was there; Zack had brought it out so easily, but Cloud was more hidden, damaged… it was like comparing the girl she once had been to the woman she was now. Innocence giving way to a careworn maturity, ineffably scarred by the truths of love as much as loss.

She'd thought, on first meeting, Cloud might mean new love. A lifetime ago she might have wished for that fresh start, but she was a different person now - beholden to the planet; older, wiser, both more confident and more insecure. Ready to accept the inevitable loneliness that came along with her burden. Yet, at the same time, she understood that even if he loved Tifa, it didn't mean he didn't care for her as well; that, she could appreciate.

"Then… do you feel like yourself, Cloud?"

I don't know, Cloud thought, uncomfortably, scared to admit it. That would mean knowing who I am. "Who else would I be?" he countered instead. What was he supposed to know? Some answer located within those missing memories and surrounded in dreamscapes he could not penetrate

I don't know, thought Aerith. But she did. He was kind of like Zack, and kind of like himself, but both paled before what she knew he must BECOME – now, with him here in front of her, she thought she might be starting to get it after all. The mixed, jumbled parts of him approaching some kind of synthesis in her mind – not so much broken as dual. What he was, and what he was not, the difference sharpened to her eyes – he couldn't be with Tifa, or anyone, until he was whole. Not truly. And now she could see just a little more clearly where and how he had to go.

She walked to him, touched his shoulder gently; his hand brushed her arm in return. Touch, that was what differentiated him from Zack. She sensed the tenderness he was capable of, and hoped Tifa would have the chance to be the recipient.

She couldn't let herself dwell on maybes. He could so easily confuse affection with love; she worried part of him was doing that with her already. She needed to steel herself and make the right decision.

He was learning to love, and if Tifa was the catalyst, for that she was grateful, in more ways than one. But it wasn't yet time – he couldn't yet give himself fully, not in the way he wanted. He needed to be handled gently, carefully. Do you understand love, was what she needed to ask him. Or, more directly, who do you love. But that wasn't what popped out of her mouth. "Do you love me?"

There was a long moment of pungent silence, Cloud staring goggle-eyed at her, and she realizing the full impact of what she had said. Oh, no, Cloud, that's not what I meant, think of Tifa… But he wasn't, not in this instant; she could see he was crumbling under the impact of what she'd said; she'd seeded doubt where she'd wanted to give encouragement. In that instant before those four words had gone from thought to sound, she'd meant it as a warning - but it came out a plea, and now she didn't know how to go backwards and repair the damage.

Or… had she, subconsciously, chosen those words on purpose? Right after trying to make peace with the way things must be?

Cloud was stunned. Troubled by what she had said, not knowing how to respond. He thought he might "love" her… but what the hell did that mean? How could he know, when he didn't know anything about what love really was? Do I get a say in this, he'd told her, and now, just as then, he knew… he really didn't. His heart followed its own beat.

The question just stayed there, hanging in the air, a dead end. "Well, uh… maybe I should just… it's late, I should go," Aerith awkwardly excused herself. She turned towards the door, just in that instant seeing the knob turn, and as the door opened, perhaps the last person she wanted to see in that moment.

Tifa's eyes grew wide, shy and embarrassed, staring at the two of them in surprise. "I heard voices," she explained, "and I tried the knob… and it was open… I'm, uh, I hope I'm not interrupting…"

Aerith was mortified, realizing what it looked like. Tifa seemed confused, but not jealous, for which Aerith was grateful. She backed a couple steps away from Cloud, widening the intimate distance, closer to Tifa and the door, still reluctant to leave. She desperately needed some information on Zack, but she wasn't getting any… and now it would be far too awkward to ask Tifa. Tifa seemed to be hiding so many things – and it had to be Tifa, she couldn't ask Cloud outright, scared of how it might undermine the self-identity he was slowly forming.

But she couldn't ask Tifa either without slipping and revealing the feelings she might or might not have for Cloud herself, that she'd been churning through her head all night. She'd REALLY blown her chance to ask.

She needed to get out of here.

Tifa realized all at once what she was seeing, wondering why she hadn't noticed before. Or maybe she DID see it and just pushed it aside, trying to avoid the awkward situation that was now right in front of her. It was obvious now, Aerith had feelings for Cloud, wistful, unrequited desire… and she'd been consciously choosing to step aside. For her, Tifa's, sake.

She felt terrible about it, that her friend would have to end up hurt by her own happiness. Love is complicated sometimes. Did she just say love? She could at least admit it to herself, even if she hadn't been able to say it aloud to Cloud yet. Here was a situation with no single solution, no one right answer, that would leave every party unhurt.

And even as her heart went out, she was touched that her friend would make that choice, that Aerith cared about Tifa, too, enough to not try to compete – not to make some unpleasant love triangle out of the whole scenario.

"Cloud and I were just, ah, talking about the Temple of the Ancients," Aerith hedged. It was a partial truth. "I was wondering if he had any questions for me. You know, maybe I could answer them. If there was something I knew about. Maybe because of my ancestors." She was rambling.

"And the Promised Land," Cloud prompted, as if it had just occurred to him.

"Oh, yeah," she continued. "And that." Embarassment seemed to have locked her feet in place; she forced them forward. "Well. Ergh… it's getting late. Big day tomorrow. I should probably get to bed." She brushed against Tifa, and shamefully, forced herself to look Tifa in the eyes, before gazing back at Cloud, holding his eyes just a second too long. "After all, what we're doing is important. Every moment matters." Cloud's eyes didn't betray a response; she didn't wait to see if her meaning had penetrated before she hustled herself out.

The Promised Land… was for everyone to find on their own. She wondered if Cloud and Tifa could find theirs together; she hoped they could find the happiness long lost to her. Tifa was not a Cetra like she herself, but she had her own strengths to bring to Cloud.

Cloud, make the most of this time, she sent the silent thought as she scattered down the hallway. Spend the night with Tifa. Make love to her all night long. You never know if you won't get another chance.

For the first time in forever, she thought of that last time making love to Zack, the night they had conceived their child, before he left for Costa del Sol. And then he'd been back for barely a moment, and she'd had no chance to touch him, tell him, before he left on that mission… assuming he would return. And he didn't. He didn't keep his promise. Did he try?

Would she ever know that answer?

Tifa and Cloud were left staring at each other awkwardly, somehow backpedaling from the closeness they had found at Nibelheim; it was as if Aerith's presence was still there, even though she was long gone from the room, coloring their interaction.

"Hi," Tifa said.

"Hi," Cloud echoed.

A silence ensued. Cloud did not know what to say next. "Would you… like to come in?" he asked, having the faintest idea if she would, or why, but it seemed like the right thing to say.

Tifa – blushed. Actually blushed. It was as charming as the first time he'd seen it. "Well, actually, I came to see if… maybe… you wanted to go out for a while?" Her eyes were mildly pleading; Cloud couldn't resist that face. "I mean, enjoy the gold saucer while we have a chance?" She brightened. "Come on, it'll be fun!"

Cloud paused, suddenly uncertain. "Yeah… maybe." But as he stepped forward towards her, and her smile brightened ever further, he knew that was the right answer to give.

As he followed her out the door and through the lobby of the Ghost Hotel, Tifa couldn't help wondering about Aerith. Her friend, so assertive. Had she wanted to confess her feelings to Cloud, she could have so easily come out and said it… and that was the part that made Tifa envious. Maybe she should follow Aerith's example.

As they entered the Gold Saucer proper and he pulled up by her side, she turned to look at him, running through her feelings for him. It wasn't Aerith, not really – it was only her. She was scared to make a move and take this further. After Nibelheim, she'd started to think – hope, even – that it might really be love, but that was such a big leap to make, what if she just blew everything instead? Combined with all her doubts… would it make things better or worse for Cloud?

It was the old question all over again. Was she good for him? A nagging bit of self-doubt wondered if Aerith might be better, her brightness, her confidence – not weighed down with the heavy baggage Tifa carried, even if some of that was baggage shared with Cloud. What was Aerith trying to do tonight? What did Aerith know about Cloud she didn't? And then there were her doubts about him – even as she so desperately needed to trust him, to know she could rely on him.

Shaking her head, she told herself to stop thinking about it so much; to just enjoy spending time with him in this moment, and hopefully everything else would sort itself out. If nothing else, Nibelheim had been a lesson in the passage of time, and Aerith was right – they had no way of knowing what would happen tomorrow. Sephiroth. They were drawing near.

It was a pleasure to just have him near her, laughing and talking, he unusually at ease with himself – his dorky, cranky, silly genuine self. He'd already kept the most important part of the promise – simply to be there when she was in trouble. He'd come back to her.

Once upon a time, she'd wanted him to be her hero, but he didn't realize – even SHE didn't realize, back then – he didn't need to try so hard. He was most a hero to her when… he was simply being a man. A man capable of great feeling, tremendous caring, so deeply that sometimes it hurt him. And it threw her off just the slightest bit when she started to realize the feelings he carried for HER.

It wasn't about one little girl waiting for a boy to come rescue her. They were adults now, getting to know each other as the selves they had become – a partnership, perhaps the ultimate fulfillment of the promise. As frightened as she was, it left her eager to see where they could go from here; perhaps she could find courage enough to try to take the next step.

She wanted to.

He slowly succumbed to her enthusiasm, even finding some of his own, as he allowed himself to be dragged from attraction to attraction. To him, it was irrelevant what they did; he just wanted to be in her company. To have unfettered license to just look at her, smiling, laughing, having a good time; he was fascinated, smiling the slightest bit in response; comfortable in a way that had been missing for a while.

For just a little while, they could pretend to be free of their troubles.

They left giggling at the play in Event Square, breathing heavily as they got off the roller coaster in Speed Square, finally slowing down to grab drinks and a snack, consumed standing up at one of the high tables in a courtyard in front of one of the many food booths, surrounded by the noise and light of the hubbub around them.

"How's the drink?" he asked her politely.

She took a sip, raising her eyes flirtatiously. "It's pretty good," she told him," but of course, mine are better."

"Naturally."

Tifa had been right, Cloud realized. Not that she wasn't usually anyway. But it was nice to take this time, have these simple pleasures – it was just so easy to be with her. Could love really be that simple? He thought somehow it should be more difficult – like he didn't deserve it if it wasn't a challenge. But here was Tifa by his side… the one he'd never thought he could have… and it just felt right.

He remembered wanting to take her away from Midgar; now he'd gotten his wish even if the circumstances weren't ideal. Dare he dream of more, a life with her perhaps? A husband, a father – concepts far too distant for him to wrap his mind around it, words he couldn't even begin to associate with himself. Far too difficult for him to put Tifa in that picture, even as he couldn't take his eyes off of her.

He should tell her. He really should. Take the risk. But how could he, when he didn't feel like he deserved her yet? How could he expect to win her over that way? Was he even good for her, or could she do better? Was he getting closer to being a man she COULD love?

It was growing late, and he saw her eyelids start to droop; he reminded himself that she didn't have the advantage of stamina he did. "Are you getting tired?" he asked gently.

She nodded. "A little bit."

"Do you want to go back?"

"Not yet." As much fun as she'd been having, there was too much still on her mind. Too many things she wanted still to say; and there was little privacy for it in these crowds. "Maybe… just one more thing, and we'll call it a night?" He nodded. "How about… the gondola? I think they're doing fireworks soon. It would be nice to see them from there."

"One more thing," he agreed.

To their surprise, there was no line, and soon enough the door was shut behind them, and the gondola began to sail out of the station. Cloud felt a sudden jolt of claustrophobia; he calmed himself by focusing on Tifa, peering out of the window with all the delight of an innocent.

"How pretty," she sighed, as she gazed at the sights rolling by.

"I agree," he told her, but as she turned to him and realized it wasn't the Gold Saucer he was looking at – her eyes grew wide, and she dipped her head shyly.

Slightly embarrassed, Tifa forced herself to lift her head back up; though she had a hard time looking him in the face, her eyes involuntarily drifting towards the outside and back again. Why was she feeling this way? This was Cloud, after all. She'd known him her whole life. But the immensity of what was between them, here, in this small wood cabin, was getting overwhelming.

No. This was her chance. Was this the right time? "Timing is everything…" she half whispered.

"What was that?" Cloud asked; but she just shook her head before responding.

"Cloud?" she forced herself to begin. "There's something I've been wanting to say…"

"Oh?" he asked, expressionless; but he leaned just a shade in forward.

"It's… kind of sad that this night has to end." She took a deep breath. "I mean, it's not a lot of time we've had to just enjoy ourselves, right? Even back in Midgar…" She'd been joyful when she'd found him, but he'd been so sick, and just as he'd gotten better, AVALANCHE had attacked the reactor and the plate had fallen and everything had just rushed forward from there… "We've been friends for such a long time… it's hard sometimes…" She was rambling.

"Tifa." It was only the one word, but as he reached out to cup her chin in his hand, finger and thumb caressing the side of her face, she knew it was the only word he needed to say.

Cloud just wanted to stay in that moment forever. He'd doubted earlier, but… why? Of course he loved her… why couldn't he bring himself to say it? Now was the perfect moment, just the two of them here, alone, as if there was no one else in the world.

But the words just wouldn't come out.

Cloud was being so silent, one might think him indifferent, but Tifa was becoming attuned to his subtle undercurrents; in fact, she knew she had his full attention. It's just three little words, she told herself. Go ahead and say it. She wanted to move forward to be more than the friends they'd been as children; she'd had enough time to be sure she was falling in love with the man he had become, not just the fantasy that had sustained her for so many years. It's not time yet, crept in another small voice, and she wasn't sure which one to listen to.

It could only make things better… right? He was so close; she wanted him closer. Wanted him to kiss her, feel his arms around her, she could still feel that embrace in the garden, wanting it again, regretful she'd told him to let go.

She wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

Gathering her confidence, she looked him full in the face, those luminescent aqua eyes holding her now; where before she couldn't meet them, now she couldn't tear herself away. "Cloud," she began, feeling her heart pounding in her chest, "I…"

Explosions outside startled her, and she jumped backwards instinctively, realizing too late she'd broken the contact. Outside, the fireworks had begun, so close the noise filled the cabin; the words died on her tongue, had she even been able to shout over the din. Regretfully, she turned to face outside, Cloud following her example, the two wordlessly watching the display outside.

It was beautiful, Cloud had to admit; colored stars to replace the night sky eclipsed by the Gold Saucer's lights, reflecting sparkles on the golden domes themselves. But he couldn't help compare as he turned to saw the lights reflected in Tifa's eyes. He knew he could never doubt her value, worth far more than gold.

How could one put a price on an everything?

Sharing this new memory together, he felt like a weight had been lifted. Maybe it had, in more ways than one – his back practically ached with the feeling of not having the sword bearing down on it. Her eyes, indefinable, focused, and he wanted to lose himself in their burnished depths. His mouth ran dry with indecision. He suddenly, irrationally, wanted to just grab her and kiss her. Just do it. Forget anything and everything else.

Minutes drew out, both of them unable to move neither forward nor back. Finally the grand finale showered the sky with color, but as the last sparks began to fade, Tifa felt her courage leaving with them. Cloud's eyes were waiting, anticipating, asking her to finish the sentence, but somehow… she just couldn't. The moment had slipped away, and fear had returned, the eternally uninvited guest. Her eyes denied his request; so many moments where they'd get just a little closer, yet couldn't seem to cross.

It was too late; she felt the gondola screeching into the station. As Cloud stood, patiently waiting for her to exit first, she berated herself. It was her own fault she couldn't confront her doubts, couldn't see through them to the man Cloud really as.

And he placed one hand on her back, gently steering her off, she thought sadly that would have to be enough for now.

Aerith ambled back along the corridors to her room, pensive, not even realizing she'd reached her destination until she was right in front of it. Placing her hand on the doorknob, she stopped to ask herself, what was she doing? Everyone else was likely out and about, same as Cloud and Tifa. She was wide awake, she was dressed, and she might not have another chance to enjoy herself for quite some time.

Decision made, she wheeled the other direction, exiting the hotel outside into a cacophony of noise, light, and celebration. As she merged into the crowds, she couldn't help but feel swept up in the energy, her woes starting to feel thankfully far behind.

The first group she found was Cid, Barret, and Yuffie, enthusiastically playing the games in Wonder Square. Yuffie was working some kind of slot machine while Barret cheered on; Cid stood off to the side, puffing away on a cigarette right under a prominently displayed "No Smoking" sign.

"Hi, Aerith," greeted Yuffie, right before the machine ka-chinged, pouring out GP into the tray below. "Score! I win!"

"Hi everyone," Aerith greeted them warmly. "Where's the rest?"

"Vincent and Red decided to ride the rollercoaster a few more times and then go to the chocobo races," Barret explained. Red? Vincent? She tried to picture it. "Cait Sith was powered down at the hotel last I saw. Seen Cloud and Tifa anywhere?"

"Oh, I'm sure they're around her somewhere." Aerith waved one arm breezily. "So, mind if I join you?"

Barret wrapped his flesh arm around her warmly; Aerith wondered if he hugged Marlene with the same affection. She hoped so. "You know you're always welcome." Cid and Yuffie followed on with their own animated replies, and as Yuffie scooped up her loot, they talked and laughed amongst themselves as they turned to explore the amusement park further.

The now-larger group ambled through the paths and attractions, but they never ran into Cloud and Tifa. Aerith was glad. She didn't know where the two of them had headed off too – or if they even left the hotel, she thought with a smirk – but either way, tonight, she wanted them to have the time to themselves. Those moments were few and far between on this journey. She herself was grateful to be with the others, not to be alone back in her room; she was glad she'd made the decision to come out tonight.

That is, until they entered the central station.

Exits to the various arenas surrounded them, but in the center, looking around furtively, was Cait Sith – perched on its giant moogle, and most definitely awake. It held something round close to its furry body.

"Wait… what's HE doing here?" Yuffie asked.

Before anyone could answer, the animated cat had hopped down one of the exits from the station, and popping out of another, Vincent and Red appeared, giving chase. "Stop him! He took the Keystone!" Vincent shouted behind them, before he and Red too disappeared.

The others looked at each other in shock and surprise. "Split up," Barret ordered, and with a nod from the others, he partnered with Aerith and Cid with Yuffie, each choosing a different way out to corner the thief.

It just so happened that Barret and Aerith chose the tube to Round Square; and as they entered, looking around hastily, there was no Cait Sith to be seen. They had, however, arrived just in time to see Cloud and Tifa exiting the gondola ride; Aerith didn't have a moment to wonder how they'd enjoyed it. "Over here, guys!" she shouted.

Cloud and Tifa quickly caught up, twin looks of worry. "What's wrong?" Cloud asked.

"Cait Sith," Aerith huffed out, now out of breath. "He took the Keystone. We've got to catch up with him!"

"We don't know where he went," Barret added. "We've got to just corner him in this place somewhere." Cloud looked at Tifa, and they nodded in agreement; he suddenly wished he'd brought his sword with him after all.

They dove from tunnel to tunnel, sometimes catching a bare glimpse of their target, other times seeing the other members of their party, but Cait always seemed to elude their grasp. Finally, they burst out into the chocobo racing arena, just as Cid and Yuffie spilled out from the Event Square direction, and Vincent and Red from the Battle Arena, triangulating a trap around the traitor.

They hadn't really realized how high up the golden saucer was until a helicopter approached, whipping up the winds, already potent at this elevation. It hovered above them, and Cait tossed the Keystone upwards, a familiar figure neatly catching it above.

Aerith couldn't fail to recognize him. Tseng.

She found herself shouting, cursing him with words she rarely used, but she wanted to vent all her vitriol against him. "Why won't you just leave us alone!" she cried; but if Tseng replied anything, she couldn't hear as the helicopter flew away, carrying their treasure with it but leaving them with the spy in their midst uncovered.

Cloud berated himself for trusting so easily; he wished so badly he didn't have to think poorly of anyone in his team. Aerith, Vincent, Barret – valuable members, all, and more than that, his friends. He was comforted by Tifa's presence at his side. The one person he knew he could trust one hundred percent.

Angry voices, one atop each other – Cloud heard his own voice in there somewhere – berating, accusing. Under the surface, he was seething, thinking that Cait could somehow think they could go on as before. The feline bore it, nonplussed, finally raising one hand for silence. "Wait, wait… before this goes any further… there's really something you could hear."

Doubtful glances were cast on Cait from all sides, as the Mog waggled back and forth, and a crackling sound was heard as Cait tried to establish some sort of communications channel. The static gradually resolved itself, voices faintly heard in the background, until suddenly, clear as day, came a familiar childish voice –

"Papa? Tifa?"

"MARLENE!" Barret bellowed, shaking his fist, looking as if any moment he might pump the cat full of bullet holes, worry for his baby girl's safety the only thing holding him back. Aerith's heart sunk. Marlene was supposed to be safe with Elmyra. Tseng promised! She found herself shouting the loudest of them all, over even Barret, even over Tifa crying out Marlene, Marlene, both women full of fear for the little girl they both loved.

And Marlene heard. "Flower lady?" she heard her daughter's voice; she wanted so desperately to cry. "It's the flower lady!" The recognition hurt, hurt so badly…

"Who are you?!" she demanded angrily. "Who is behind this? Why are you doing this? Tseng, you bastard!" she shouted to the empty sky above, the Turk far too long gone to hear her. It didn't matter.

The cat shrugged nonchalantly; Aerith wanted to smack it off its Moogle mount. "I didn't want to do this," it said, apologetically almost, "but I have to stay with you. That was my assignment. They won't be harmed – they just can't leave for the moment. The Turks are guarding them."

"I knew there was something up with you," Vincent muttered darkly. "I've been keeping an eye on you since the start. You've got Shinra's touch all over you, so bad I can smell it."

"Yeah, how do you think we're going to trust you now?" Cloud added. "Fuck off."

"Who are you?!" Tifa asked, but Cait just waved her off. "I can't tell you. But it doesn't matter anyway. I have to stay with you guys. But… I thought you were the enemy. Now… I think I'm changing my mind. I have to find out what you're going to do next, but I want to know, why? It doesn't make sense."

Barret was grim; he hadn't lowered his gun. "Nothin' a piece-of-shit Shinra spy would understand."

The cat stared back at Barret, an unnerving mechanical glare. "It makes me question what Shinra's about. You can understand that at least, I think." Barret harrumphed.

Cloud sighed. Time to play leader again. "Look, Barret," he reasoned, "Shinra knows where we are and what we're doing. But hopefully Sephiroth doesn't. We still have that to count on. It doesn't sound like Marlene is in actual danger. Let's just keep going, and hopefully this will sort itself out, okay?" Barret glared, but lowered his arm. "I don't know how this is going to work with a spy along either, but we'll just have to deal with it."

Tifa placed her hand gently on Cloud's elbow, letting her warmth seep into his skin. "It'll be okay, Barret," she told him with no real guarantee it would be so. "Cloud's right. We can only move forward."

On Cloud's other side, Aerith found herself nodding, though reluctantly. There was nothing to be done. Their goal was unchanged. Hopefully Cloud was up to the challenge, now more than ever. She looked with worry at Cloud, noticing out of the corner of her eye, Tifa looking at him with a mirrored expression.

Worried for Cloud; worried for Marlene. Tseng was technically keeping his promise, not to reveal Marlene's secret – she was safe, but still under the same "protection" that Aerith herself had enjoyed for so many years. Still under the thumb of the Turks, ultimately dependent on Tseng's goodwill… had she truly escaped Shinra if her loved ones were still in danger from the company?

She suspected it would be so as long as Shinra continued to pursue the Promised Land; fool, she was, for thinking she could ever outrun her heritage. Sephiroth had merely distracted them for the moment; that would all change when they realized he was no Cetra, couldn't lead them to their goal. And she feared that might be sooner rather than later. What was REALLY going to happen at the Temple of the Ancients? Would it be what any of them were expecting?

Cloud himself was sour. A pleasant evening ruined. He would have much rather continued spending time with Tifa, but it seemed their brief respite was cut short. Time to focus on tomorrow. He thought back to Aerith grilling him about the next day; she was probably right to be worried, especially now that things had gotten that much more complicated. Maybe she had some kind of Cetra sense for danger.

They were going after Sephiroth, they were going after Shinra. But hunting down either one of those fuckers helped the other. He wished he could step backwards and just let them take each other out. Behind him, he overheard Tifa fretting about Marlene, conversing with an equally worried Aerith. It reminded him they hardly had the luxury of standing to the sidelines; just as Cait had told them, they had to do what Shinra said.

Aerith hardly cared anymore, even though she knew she should – she needed to go to the Temple of the Ancients. That was her destiny. But really, she just wanted to know Marlene and her mother were safe. To achieve one… she had to do the other. Her path was set… and so was Cloud's.

She needed Cloud's help; she needed to protect Cloud. How could she do both?

She didn't know.

She was only afraid.