Hello!

Here's to you a shorter chapter in which Rhett goes through the five stages of grief multiples times, and faces old demons…. And Scarlett is certainly having none of it.

As always, thank you for your wonderful support! Seeing that people read and review the story… well, let's say it still makes my heart skip a beat when I hear a notification.

PS: Did you really think I would leave you with an ending alla Forrest Gump?

…

Chapter 41

Scarlett was quickly sent home with Rhett, not bearing to let her go from his arms, whispering words of comfort that she obviously couldn't hear. One doctor, by chance also present as he was an amateur of opera and so very much still in an elegant suit, was instantly requisitioned to attend to her, and if he did not dare to refuse such a terrific man, it was still very begrudgingly he was there, and he made a point to show it.

She regained consciousness five hours after on their bed, and looked as if nothing had happened, and she was surprised by the change of context. Swiftly, questions were asked, and she replied to them, and little by little, a frown appeared on the physician's forehead. He examined her swiftly and nodded.

He waited a long time, eyes on the horizon, put on a pose as he caressed his beard and said the fatal word.

"Cancer."

There, Scarlett blinked, confused. Rhett lost his composure and froze.

"Cancer?" He repeated numbly. "Of what?"

The doctor waited again, as if for a dramatic effect, caressed his beard a little more.

"Stomach."

They looked at him with blank looks, and he took advantage of it to announce his departure, and, as if with a guilty afterthought, he let out a soft sorry.

The sound of the door seemed to awaken Rhett as he turned to Scarlett, eyes searching, before he broke in a short laugh.

"It's a scam… It's another one of your foolish games… How much did you pay that doctor to say such a thing? Darling, you do not need to do so, you only have to ask… Tell me, what do you want? You know I'll always try to give you everything…"

"Rhett…"

He paled.

"No…" He shook his head violently, running to her as he took her into his arms, and pain stung her as his fingers dug into her skin through the fabric, surely making a mark. "You can't be taken from me… Not again. I won't stand for it!"

…

Thus began in Butler's Hearth a continual coming and going of doctors, many with grandiose titles and specialties. Some very old. Some very young. Some serious. Others laughing nervously. Some not really doctors at all, and Rhett Butler swiftly sent them away once he figured them out. One was roughly thrown out of the house when he said he had to see the young woman naked and alone, with a bottle of Champagne to ease her modesty.

What was happening with Miss Bertha?

The tongues were running wild. Some said she had not lost her time getting pregnant. Others that maybe she had a chronic disease she had not talked about.

And then, there were some remains of young and whimsical enamored bucks that swore she was the victim of a tyrant, and that they would get her away from this hell.

…

It went from tumors and cancers to diseases with an exotic name Scarlett did not manage to catch.

Yet, no one could be sure. And the more she saw them, the more Rhett was flippant and controlling and her health seemed to deteriorate.

And the more she felt like she was wasting her time trying to figure out what it was, instead of being happy with her loved ones.

Talking about her loved ones… How was she supposed to say it to the children? How could she manage to make them understand, when she herself did not quite know what it was? How to soothe the worry in their eyes, how to prevent the little mouths from trembling, and the tears to fall?

Fortunately, it seemed she did not have to, for one night, they came to her. They came to her, and the story, that nonsensical story she had used as a way to communicate and abandoned like old shoes as she entered the house, returned through their lips, as a ritual of comfort that surrounded them like a blanket.

Robert and Solene had found back their children, but now Solene was sick, stuck to bed, and it was now up to those who loved her to take care of her.

They understand something is going on, Scarlett realized with surprise. They understand and they are worried and want to comfort me!

She found herself melting at their attempt.

Wade described valiantly all the ways they tried, and Ella insisted on the feelings of everyone for the character. In the end, they ended up with tears sticking on their cheeks, sleeping and closely embraced together.

The children did not even wake when Rhett took them back one by one to their rooms. Yet, when he caressed Scarlett's cheek, she opened her eyes, and he could not help it. His lips took hers, and he paused for a time, his burning forehead on hers.

"Fight, Scarlett… stay with me…"

"I am with you…" She tried to say, yet his kisses prevented her to say the words. And there again, he continued to say, like a mantra: "Stay, stay…"

His hands began to stroke vigorously her arms from shoulders to wrists, making it almost red.

"You'll be okay. Cheer up, it's nothing to worry about. You always land on your feet…"

He froze, and she saw his eyes went even more fearful and absent as his embrace tightened. She let out a sob.

"Sh… It's going to be alright. It's going to be alright…" He continued whispering, even more urgently. "There has to be a cure, there has to be…"

"Rhett…"

"I have money, lots of money, and influence. Lots of it. Certainly, it has to mean something in the end."

"Rhett…" She pleaded. "Stop it. I don't understand why you hurt yourself like that. I'm the one who has to bear it."

He stopped, a confused air on his face as if he had forgotten she was here, and could answer back. Then he frowned, his voice thick and deep.

"Darling, you are my heart… Though quite insensitive you can be sometimes. What do I do if my heart is dying? How could you even think you're the one who has to bear it? How am I supposed to feel?"

She ignored his jibe, for she could see what was behind it.

"How am I supposed to feel, when I see you like that?" She quipped. "I'm no Melly to forget myself and comfort you. If I'm dying, I want you strong with me, with the children, not pulling your hair and desperate like that. There's not only the two of us!"

He said nothing for a while, and she cursed herself, thinking he would not allow himself to be vulnerable with her again. But what could she have said? Seeing him like that broke her heart, distressed her in such a way that sometimes she thought she could not breathe.

He was holding her too tight, but it was not just that. It was inside her. She felt his fear, mixing with hers, and it ate her little by little.

Finally, after two days bearing it, she decided she would not meet any other physician, and it seemed Rhett had ran out of it from the state anyway, and was very much prepared to send some from others. Yet, she stood her ground, and for a time, he seemed to accept it.

Until he found another in the city that until then he had not been aware of the existence.

"I don't want to see him," She scolded as he presented it to her, stamping with irritation. "What's the point? He will tell me things I don't want to hear."

And it will make you angry and sad once again, she thought. No, they did not need it.

"Please, my love. Do it for me."

"And come home with another illness to my list? Fiddle-dee-dee, I have more illnesses in my body now that can be born!"

"So one more, one less, it shouldn't matter, should it?" He tried to jest, but his voice was too thick. "Darling. Scarlett, my Scarlett, do it for me…"

She shook her head, distraught, his grip on her leaving her breathless.

"You want it to be nothing. You wish there is a mistake, that somehow one of these doctors is going to say it was all a silly joke. But it's not nothing. And it… hurt and hurt to see all these doctors gathering around me, palping me and looking at me with little feeling but pity and kindness… If I'm going to die…" He paled, and she crumbled. "Oh, I shouldn't have come back! I should have let you believe I was dead, then all would have been…"

"DON'T SAY THAT," He shouted, before wincing, his voice weakening. "Don't ever say that."

"I was selfish, so very selfish…"

"Please don't…" He pleaded, taking her into his arms. His hands caressed her hair in a way that was supposed to be soothing, yet that was too hard to be it. "Sh, my love, it's going to be alright. We will face it, together. You will survive, as you always did. I will make sure you do. It doesn't matter if in the end you don't love me anymore. What matters is that you live… Oh, please say you will fight… Say you will fight for me, for the children…"

"I will… Oh, hold me, Rhett!"

"Darling!"

He made love to her as if he was going to lose her. As if he was trying to get rid of the shadow of death on her. He pulled at her, and she pulled at him. A painful pleasure, but a pleasure that meant life, and that left them too exhausted to think.

When by the morning, she saw he had finally gone asleep, Scarlett quietly slipped from his arms and went to the doctor.

On the way, she stopped once in front of Pansy's door. She knew she could ask her to accompany her. Yet, she felt it was something she had to face on her own. She squared her shoulders, put her cap on and continued her way.

…

As the door of the physician's office closed behind her, Scarlett felt dizzy and numb.

No tumor. No cancer. Or any strange illness with an unknown name that was even more sinister than the other.

Just nature, and a painful mystery she still had to uncover and which brought back all the insecurities she had.

It was only when she was almost run over by a carriage she felt herself awakening to that fact.

When she came home, Rhett was waiting, sat on a chair, his fingers anxiously tapping on his knees.

"Rhett…" She began, unsure. "I went to see the doctor, as you've asked me… And he told me…"

He raised up abruptly, came to her swiftly, his hands on her shoulders, shaking her lightly when she would not give him the answer as quickly as he wanted it.

"What did he tell you? By God, Scarlett, don't keep me waiting!"

"I'm pregnant." The words fell in the air with the brutality of a gunshot. "And… it seems it's been more than four months…"

His hands left her.

He paled. His eyes went vague, and he seemed so far away she thought she was going to lose him. Then, his face reddened, his jaw was tight and his glare ablaze, and she froze, unaware until then she had been about to run to him. Finally, his features cooled down, his black orbs opaque, without any light.

And this was the worst.

His cold voice felt like a slap.

"How? You don't even show."

"I know, it's…"

"You mean to tell me that while you were busy wandering around and trying to kill a man you were carrying a child?"

"That's not what I did, and you know it!" She retorted, horrified. "And… I did not know!"

His frown deepened.

"How could you not know? How is it you do not show?"

She began to tremble.

"The doctor says it happens. Sometimes, during anxious times… He called it… denied pregnancy… or something like that. A woman does not show, nor is aware of it… Had I known…"

"Had you known, you would have done it anyway, wouldn't you? Your love for pregnancy and babies is known… Maybe you wanted to keep it from me, because it's not fun, and you wanted to keep on your little adventure…"

She slapped him.

"Now, you're being unfair and mean again!" She shot. "I'm not that silly girl who told you she wanted to get rid of a baby. And had I truly wanted it, there would have been no way I would have told you at that time, especially when I was convinced you did not want it as well and you cared nothing for me! You know that!"

She saw the red on his cheek, and her anger fell down, replaced with despair. Her knees gave up under her and, with a cry, she put her face on her hands and cried, and cried.

"I don't understand! I don't understand what is happening… How could I not notice it? Do I not control my own body anymore? I can't… I can't…" She mumbled rapidly, choking on her tears. "It is my punishment, isn't it? Or is it just because of who I am? I'm such a bad woman my own body betrays me and hides it from me! I'm such a bad mother I don't even notice my own child!"

His eyes widened at her bereavement, and rage left his face, pushed down by a cloud of sorrow and fear, that he could not conceal anymore. He fell on his knees, opened his arms shakily, gently trying to get closer, but she shook her head quickly like a lost little animal.

"Scarlett… Scarlett, come with me…"

She shook her head once more.

"No! No, you hate me now! You think I betrayed you, that I…"

"No, no… Please, darling, come here…"

Suddenly, she raised her chin, a defiant gesture that was like an arrow to his heart.

"But I want it! I do want it! But then why… why didn't I see? Why didn't I feel? I should have…"

"Ssh… Please don't… Oh, my poor love, it is no fault of yours…"

"But you think so!"

"No…"

He reached out to her, and her body collided with his with the strength of her despair.

"Oh, please, don't turn away from me again!" She cried. "It makes me think I'm losing you…"

"Never," He said. But I could still lose you, he thought, distraught. I'm losing you, and yet this new shakes up something in me, and I can't… Oh, what kind of man am I, to feel it, when I could lose you? "You're right. I shouldn't… have talked to you like that. I don't want to be… mean and unfair to you. I'm sorry."

"No… Oh, I shouldn't have brought this up," She hiccoughed. "I… I want your babies. I want them so much. With Bonnie… I was afraid, and I thought…"

"Are we going to fight about who is the sorriest person in this?" He cut her sharply, unwilling to break again. "Then I refuse to be sorry anymore."

"You're a cad."

"And the word isn't even enough."

He said nothing more. Gathering her tightly against her, he thought with anguish he had had more chances than he had envisioned to lose her during these months. She could have miscarried during a difficult situation. She could have been sick at the wrong time. He knew how a second of inattention could mean death if one wasn't protected. He kissed her, his throat thick with emotion. He kissed her mouth, her nose and salty cheeks, and tried to focus on her warmth, on the vibrancy of life coming from her.

He tried to think of it, yet no thought came clearly but the raw pain and fear of a loss he had tried so many times to refrain, sharper than ever, and the sound of her body falling down the stairs still ringing in his mind. His voice broke.

"But you… do you want it?" His voice was trembling with something he did not dare to analyze, an old expectation he found himself stupid for having it.

She kissed his fist, tightly wrapped around hers, and sighed contently. He hadn't said he wanted it, but it didn't matter. She had faith. He would love it, when he would see it grow. He just needed time, that was all.

Still, the doubt crept out. Maybe it was too early. Maybe all was all too new and fragile, and it would break.

"I want this baby," She said hurriedly. "I want a boy, just like you, with black eyes and dark skin. I want a little you, that'll be with me for the times when you decide to go on adventures once again."

It broke his heart to hear her say that, when it had once been one of his most secret desires.

"I thought we agreed never one without the other?" He nodded, almost amused. "Or maybe you'd like to go on your own? If so, I have to say…"

"Of course not!" She replied, offended. "I have enough of it, of these long times without you and the children…" She gathered his arms around her, her eyes bright with love. "I've missed you so…"

"And we've missed you a great deal," He answered softly. "Never do that again. Not without me."

"This is a new adventure. I want to do it with you…" She said rapidly. "If it's it… If it's really it… Will you do it with me?"

Yet, she knew it was it. Once the revelation had been done, she had felt a relief, as if she had been carrying a burden, and now she was delivered of it.

"Has it ever been a choice I had to make?"

His voice was weary as he said it.

….

Dr. Peter Hoskins was about to leave his rather precarious office when he realized a couple was still waiting for him. He sighed, worn out and famished.

Old bachelor, he had celebrated his forty-seventh birthday five days ago, surrounded by his team of nurses and fellow physicians. His true family, the only one who had accepted him wholly, and never asked him to change.

His mother would have wanted him to be famous, to take the reins as the heir of the plantation. Yet, he had given it up to be an obscure, unknown physician, and never had he regretted it. Unknown, he was, maybe, but his work was his life, and a life he took care to open and diversify as much as he could. What little class and conference he could afford, he went, mindful of being able to help his patients as much as he could.

Yet, there were days when he was tired, and less patient, and when that woman came to him, he was tempted to roll his eyes. Romance had never been for him, when he had heard and saw the most incongruous tales. He had heard of her, heard that she and his employer were quite the talk of the town. Already, it was said by some she would trick him to get the fortune, and in New-Orleans, she was certainly not the first to do so.

However, he was very professional, and proud to be it. So, he examined her carefully, checked every hypothesis that could be applied to her case, yet, some signs did not lie.

He had seen women like that, that did not show their pregnancy until it was too late. And from what she said, it had been going on a while.

And then, there was no pain, no loss of appetite, no atrophied lymph node, no modification of the digestive process… and so on.

So then came a final test.

From his experience, the reveal of it provoked a colossal effect. It still had surprised him sometimes to see the results of it even some days after, when a thin woman could come back to him with suddenly a very much filled belly. Where could the baby have hidden? He had wondered. Well, it was still quite a mystery to him.

This woman had paled, then blushed, and her distraught expression made him doubt, but then she laughed, a nervous laugh at first, but then very joyful, tearful to the point of hysterical. And then, she left, as if walking on a cloud.

Now, she was back, but not alone. She had brought back her employer.

Yet, from what she had said, the changes had been there months before she came to New-Orleans… So, he couldn't be the father.

Did she want him to lie for her, so she could trick that tall, dark man?

Peter did not want to do so. He would not play her game. He was too tired for this.

He tried to skip such an embarrassment, but to no avail. The man in front of him did not let him.

Yet, as the interview went on, he began to rethink what he knew.

No, Peter thought. This was not the face of a man betrayed, tricked into matrimony by a treacherous woman. This was the face of a man who was afraid, anguished even to lose his wife, and the little gestures, these gazes between them were sincere and loving, like one built with years of intimacy and hardships.

He did not know their story. Yet, he had this conviction: things were not as they seemed. This woman wasn't just a young governess that had seduced her employer. She was so much more than that.

It did not matter by itself. Yet, he felt the uneasy spectator of a show that had begun without him.

….

Just a few weeks after, there was no denying the truth. Scarlett was pregnant, and very much showing it.

And Rhett was very fearful, and very much not showing it.

He was restless, haunted, and it was breaking her heart to see him like that. He could not sleep at night, though he tried to hide it from her. On and on, she felt him leave the bed when he thought she was asleep, and pace and pace. Seventy steps, she counted. Seventy steps, one frustrated sigh, and when he came back to bed, his grip was too strong, too despaired.

He was like a lion in cage. Wanting to flee, yet trapped.

He would not drink. It would have been too obvious. But he would not eat either, too focused on what was on her plate.

And now, the children, seeing it, had changed the story again, and were adding their efforts to his. They seemed almost as anxious with her as when she did not try to be a tender mother, she deplored. Yet, now, they clanged to her.

Pork ran around anxiously, at each time presenting her with fruits and vegetables, urging her to eat.

And then, there was Pansy, and as the days went on, conflicts arose with Rhett as her friend, fiercely protective of her freedom of movement, pestered Rhett and mocked his attitude, saying he reacted as a caveman and would not let her breathe.

Well, Scarlett did not quite agree with the first part, for she knew her man. She could guess why he reacted like that. She could see the ghosts of the past in his eyes, could remember as well as him. Yet, it was true he would not let her breathe. And in the way, she realized, he would not let himself breathe either.

Oh, yes, he was so overbearing, watching Scarlett's every gesture, anticipating her needs and every action in such a way she felt like a baby. He wasn't even touching her, like a husband would his wife!

No. Maybe the tip of his fingers, and she was ashamed to admit she was weak at the knees just by such a little crumb.

As for the baby... He did not even mention it, and she felt as if he was avoiding it entirely.

She tried being understanding. She tried being soft, being caring and loving. Yet, he escaped all her attempts and dismissed it as foolishness. Not that he said it, but she felt it. He would not let himself be cared for, and amplified his own pampering in such a way she wanted to scream.

This was not to be born.

So one evening, before he came home from a meeting he could not cancel, and the children were tucked to bed early, she prepared with a heavy heart his suitcase and a basket of goods so that he might not go hungry, and awaited his return, sat beside it.

His eyes widened as he took on the scene. He froze, put on an ironic smile that did not last.

"Well, I should have known you'll get tired of me eventually."

"Oh, you're insufferable!" She cursed, crossing her arms as if to gather the pieces of her heart. She knew that was what she had to do. Yet, it did not make it easy to do. "I can't deal with your insecurities right now. I can't do it."

She was shaking, her eyes bright. He faltered, took a step forward.

"Scarlett… my love…. You can't certainly think of…"

She took a step down, waving off his attempts. She needed to keep her mind focused, clear.

Oh, why was he making it so difficult?

"No… No, you will not persuade me with endearment and promises. It will not work! You can't lock me up every time something happens! This is no way to live, Rhett!"

His jaw tightened.

"I'm only preventing you from getting hurt, darling," He seethed. "It's a very hard job to do."

"I can meet my death anywhere, anytime!"

"Not if I can help it. Scarlett!" He went to her, fidgeting. "Why are we fighting? Is it because of what your friend says? Are you that influenceable?"

"Don't bring Pansy into this," She retorted. "It's about you. You and me, and death."

He froze, his lower lip slightly trembling, then his fists clenched, and eyes hardened.

"You will not die, I'll make sure of that. Let me take care of you…"

"But you can die too," She said in softer tone. "And you'll hurry it if you spend it worrying about me. It is life, and when there's life, there is death, you can't just divide the world like that. Old, young, man, woman… baby…" She let out a sob. "It can all end anytime. Yet… isn't it what makes life so important? You used to know that, before."

"Before, I thought I had nothing to lose," He said, and he seemed already defeated.

She wanted to take him into her arms and give it all up, yet, she knew it would defy her purpose. Their future was at stake. She caressed his cheek, trying to convey her strength to him.

"But you will lose me. And I will lose you. It's inevitable, and I do hope it will be when we are old and forgetful," His body startled, and he began to search on her face the truth he had not seen, so focused he was on the nightmare in his mind. "If this adventure taught me something, it's that I don't want to spend it afraid and angry, not even with you. I've been afraid and angry for so long, and now… I know I deserve more than that. We deserve better than that."

She sighed.

"Go. I know you need it, because it is in retreat you can think more clearly and find strength again. And I know it tears you apart because you think you can't leave me alone to face it, and you will not find me when you come back. But you will," She took one last breath, the lump in her throat worsening. "And if you stay, you will always remember that day in the stairs, and all the guilt and the despair that followed it. It shatters me to do it, but… I want to bring this child to a peaceful home. And I want you and I to be free, without always having to watch with fear at what had happened in the past. It is the past, and I don't want it here."

"Scarlett…"

She couldn't let him talk. If he talked, he would persuade her otherwise, and it would only repeat itself.

"I love you," She uttered in a breath. "I'll be waiting for you. I'll always be waiting for you. Do you really think I'll die and make you a victim in our story? Ha!" She closed her eyes, trying to gather her thoughts as he watched her in awe. Her voice, which she had managed to keep calm and strong until then, broke. "Go, face your fears and come back to me when you're ready. Find your courage and come back, and we'll face it, together. Don't ever dare to come back if you're not up to face it, Rhett Butler, or… or… you'll not be welcomed with love and kisses, but with a rifle!"

He kissed her abruptly, pulling her to him by the wrists.

"I got the idea." His thumbs plucked the tears that had fallen. Yet, he could see she would not falter, and it made him love her more. "My brave, wonderful woman."

"Leave the pleasantries for later," She muttered begrudgingly. "And eat. I once promised I'll never let my folk go hungry, and you're it too. Come back to me strong and healthy. We'll have work to do when the baby comes."

"My love…" Frustrated, she fought with him with her fists, and he let out a weak chuckle as he managed to maintain her in his arms, shaking with fury and tears. "Alright, alright, I'll go… But I'll come back."

He kissed her forehead softly, lingered a moment, before letting go. She watched him turn back and leave. She refrained from begging him to stay, for she knew it was not the solution. So, she waited and believed, strong with the memories of happiness and misery they shared, and the trust in their love and ability to face it.

…

He came back on the night of the third day, his body cold yet firm beside her on the bed. The window was slightly open, and she heard it clack once. She said nothing, not daring to face her just yet. Her eyes tearing up in happiness, she did not tell him of the children's many questions about his departure. She did not even talk of a strange event that had occurred during it, when, coming back from a shopping errand, she had been pulled in an alley by someone, until a bystander managed to make the mysterious aggressor flee. She did not think of it, for when she felt Rhett's shaking hand laying hesitantly on her belly, she knew it would be alright.

"May I return home?" He said, and there was, under the apparent jest, a vulnerability in his voice that erased all possible anger she had tried to conceal. "Is this house still my home?"

When she finally found her voice, it was clear and strong, and she felt surprised to see that she actually felt it.

"You are the king of it, foolish man, it will always be your home" She scolded, before faltering. How she had missed him so! Maybe she had been too harsh… Maybe… "Did… did you figure it out? It wouldn't change my love if you didn't, but…"

He cut her before she weakened, knowing she was to be picked before falling further under her dark thoughts. And he would never let her fall. Never.

"Yes, Scarlett. Yes, I did. I've kicked myself for you, my love, and you certainly helped very much. I didn't know I needed it, but now I'm ready for any war life would throw at me," He jeered lightly, before tapping her chin to make her meet his eyes. "as long as you are by my side, I'll fight lions and wolves, steal gold from ogres and dragons, climb the highest mountain…"

She let out a sigh of relief. His voice was firm and warm, just as she liked it, and now he was even being overdramatic, just to make her smile. How could she resist?

"We'll have our baby, Scarlett. We'll do it together."

She let out a happy, tearful laugh.

"Welcome back, my love. Welcome home."

And when her hand found his, it was finally strength against strength, and she knew she had been right.