Heya guys! This is me celebrating hitting 50 THOUSAND views! SO CRAAAAAAAY cray..
Okay, writing confession… I have a bit of a mental block with writing fluff? Like it's fun to write, and I love reading it, but for some reason I seem to think that it's not moving the story forward/somehow cheating? IDK! So I'm working through it I guess. (Although, it's so much nicer to daydream about happy dialogue instead of diabolical plots! Lol) Let me know if you agree or are cool with it, because I see a lot more coming in the future with where they're at in their relationship. Even if it doesn't move action per say, I feel like their happiness together HAS kind of been the goal all along… I'm in two minds about it. **Confessions of a drama queen who has watched too many angsty TV shows
Ps There's a teensy tiny shoutout to Professor in here ;)
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. Art work by the awesome Meg (tumblr: anxiouspineapples)
Home, Sweet Home
7th Year
"LILY?!" Lily spun around on Platform 9 3/4 to see her pocket-sized best friend sprinting towards her at full speed.
"MARY?!" Lily cried back, just as the girl ran into her arms, completely knocking the wind out of her. "Oof!" Lily couldn't fight back the tears or the squeals currently escaping her mouth. She couldn't believe she finally had her back. "Oy, did you shrink?"
"Shut up, you Amazonian," Mary joked, pulling back and wiping away the moisture under her own eyes.
"I'm not even that tall, Mare." They were attracting more than a few stares, but they didn't even notice, too wrapped up in each other, laughing and sobbing. Having a friend who you could go years without seeing but then fall right back into step with was truly such a wonderful gift.
"Ugh, this is not how I wanted to look for my grand reentrance into society," Mary said sniffling.
Lily pulled her back in for a bear hug. "You look perfect."
"Your breasts grew."
"What?"
"Well, don't act surprised I noticed, you just smushed my face into them."
"We talking about Lily's tits?" James had strolled over with his friends at the perfect time — well, the perfect time for him; Lily was left blushing. This boy and his useless sixth sense. "Welcome back, Macdonald."
Mary dropped her head back and groaned. "Merlin, please tell me he's not still mooning over you."
Lily pulled a face and Sirius snorted. Lily would later wonder why Sirius hadn't said anything to his former crush. Remus spoke up, "Oh, he is. Hi Mary." He gave her a sweet hug.
"Oh?" Mary gave Lily a curious look.
Great. And now I'm probably even more beet red. "Yep. But… it's okay now," she tried explaining lamely. Lily purposefully didn't look at James' face, knowing exactly the type of smug smile he was probably sporting.
"It is?" Mary asked skeptically.
"Uh huh," Lily replied innocently. She couldn't believe how much she had to catch her bestie up on. She'd almost started thinking that just by writing her diary in the format of letters, it would have somehow imparted the information to her. Lily had briefly considered just giving Mary her diary now — but that was probably far too depressing. Also, so much had changed since she'd been gone, only to change again. Lily hardly wanted Mary to view James in the same confusing light she'd seen him in at the beginning of 6th year. He wasn't that boy anymore. He'd grown so much, and frankly, she understood him better now. She felt oddly protective of portraying his strength of character correctly in a way she knew her past diary entries didn't reflect.
"This is weird." Mary: always blunt. She linked arms with Lily. "Got any plans for the train ride? Because I'd like to hear everything, please and thank you and right now."
"I'm all yours besides the Heads meeting."
"You're Head Girl?!" Mary cheered. "Well, duh, of course you are. Who's Head Boy?"
James gave Mary a half wave-half salute.
"What? I feel like I was gone a decade with all the shit I missed!" She gave James a once-over. "No offense, but when I left, you weren't all that bright."
No one laughed harder than Sirius at that one. James shot Lily a shy smile while she gave him an apologetic shrug. Mary had after all left in the midst of operation-get-over-James-Potter-for-breaking-your-heart-by-any-means-necessary. Lily knew Mary was referring to his romantic shortcomings at the time.
"We'll leave you girls be." Then just for Lily, with a smoldering stare, James added, "See you soon."
"See you." Easy there, butterflies.
Mary pointed to her lips as soon as the boys had left. "What is this smile?" Her jaw dropped. "I know this look. Oh my Merlin, you like him, like him again!"
"Mary!" Lily shushed.
"You're such a fucking goner!" She threw her hands up in the air. "Okay, never mind, it's like I never left."
Marlene and Rosier walked over hand in hand, not letting go when Marlene gave Mary a little half-hug. Lily and Rosier did their usual polite nods over the girls' shoulders as they had their pleasantries. The uneasy feeling in Lily's stomach in his presence had lessened with time just like everything else — ultimately, he was at the scene of the crime, as they'd say — however, the weight of carrying his secret only seemed to get heavier and heavier. Lily had no idea how he continued to keep Marlene in the dark about his situation considering not telling Marlene was killing her. The only way she got through it was by reminding herself that Rosier was trying to get out from underneath Voldemort's thumb, but (as she knew all too well) escaping the Death Eaters wasn't that simple. Lily also knew that Marlene would never forgive her if Lily was directly responsible for Rosier getting hurt, and that they really did love each other. So she continued to bite her tongue for her friend's sake.
The most excruciating part about Rosier's secret was not telling James. Lily was beyond grateful that James knew Lily didn't like talking about her time in captivity so she wouldn't have to constantly lie to him.
After some of the dust had settled last year, James had asked her about what had happened (only if she were comfortable sharing of course) just so that he would know how to best help her. She knew she owed him an explanation, especially considering how much Voldemort had used his image to torture her with — and just how much that had hurt James. She'd tried telling him the horrors several times, but all the blocks and feelings she'd experienced in the hospital wing with Dumbledore and McGonagall had come flooding back into her body, freezing her up.
"Maybe if you wrote it down?" James had offered gently. He'd been right. Lily had always felt far more comfortable writing down her feelings and thoughts than expressing them aloud. Bless him for knowing that about me.
So she had. And it had been a lot. She'd left absolutely no detail out, scribbling away every horror and pain that had befallen her over the course of those three weeks. She'd sobbed and wrote, and with every word, felt like the poison that was killing her body was being sucked out as though instead becoming the ink that told her tale. It was as though painting this picture was paying homage to her own suffering so she could fully regard it one last time before saying goodbye to it. She knew she could never actually forget all that had happened, but if the edges got hazy over time, that was a victory she would fight for.
Unfortunately, the thing about sucking out poison, was that it was now in someone else's mouth. James had tried to read her letter while sitting beside her, but soon his whitened, clenched knuckles had looked painful, and his jaw had started twitching, and he'd had to excuse himself, taking her letter with him upstairs. She wanted him to know, but she'd never intended to cause him even more pain. She'd wrung her hands and started pacing in the common room, cursing herself, of course, reading that is going to crush him, stupid, stupid, stupid, but soon Remus came down to join her. She knew James had asked him to keep her company while he composed himself.
What. A. Mess.
A few days later James had told her what Stone had tried to do to him. Lily had been overcome with guilt, ashamed that she could have missed just how badly he'd been hurting too, too distracted by her own grief; but he assured her that he'd worked through it with Remus and was in a good place now. It turned out being friends with a werewolf meant you knew someone who had a lot of experience feeling betrayed by their own bodies reactions to things outside of their control.
James had said how the lack of bodily autonomy had been the most terrifying part. Suddenly Lily understood why he'd been so good with her those past few weeks — he hadn't been expressing sympathy, but empathy.
When they finally found themselves talking about more trivial matters such as school gossip and their friends' love lives, James had mentioned how he was a little skeptical of his cousin dating Rosier. What made Lily feel worse, was that her kidnapping had basically exonerated Rosier. To all her friends, Lily had named the Death Eaters at Hogwarts. The fact that she'd left Evan out (because he'd saved her and she owed him) meant that to them, he couldn't be one. Lily had had to pretend that she was very distracted by a bird when James had joked with her one day that he'd cursed Rosier's arm with the poison oak spell last year just to see if he had the dark mark. You hexed the wrong arm! she screamed in her head.
"You teasing her about James already?" Marlene's singsong voice brought her back to reality as Rosier excused himself to go find his friends on the platform.
"Yes." Mary bounced on her feet excitedly. "Is this like a thing now? Does everyone know?"
"Not sure if everyone knows, but oh yeah. Definitely a thing. You missed a ton of 'will they/won't they' last year."
Lily snorted. "Hardly. It was more like—" she clapped her hands together for every repetition "—they are, they are, they are."
"I was talking about dating, Lily!" Marlene laughed. "Not shagging!"
"Oh." How embarrassing.
"YOU GUYS ARE SHAGGING?!" Mary cried out far too loudly. "I'm so proud of you!" She threw her arms around Lily again.
"Could you maybe yell that a little louder, Mare?"
"Oh sh, you. You know you love it."
She did. She really, really did. Without Mary, no wonder Lily had felt so lonely before. But she's back.
The girls caught up for most of the train ride, Mary gasping and oo-ing and ah-ing at all the right moments while Lily told her all she'd missed. Marlene was a champion and filled in some of the harder parts.
On Mary's end, it turned out she'd felt ready to return last year, but her overprotective mother hadn't allowed it. She had used the time to get way closer to her sister though. "Mum still wants me to Floo home every weekend. We'll see how long that lasts, because I'd like to try to get back to normal as soon as possible."
Many tears were shed, and half the food trolley's supply of chocolate was bought. It felt really good to talk to someone who just knew what she was feeling without having to explain it. Marlene excused herself for Lily's recount of her kidnapping, knowing Mary and Lily needed a private moment to discuss how they now had more in common than they'd ever wish on anyone.
"I'm just so sorry I didn't report Avery myself—" Mary continued even though Lily had started to shush her "—none of this would have happened to you!"
"We don't know that Mary," Lily said consolingly, once again wiping away her friend's tears. She loved feeling like she could take care of someone else again. This was always the kind of friendship the pair had, and she was so grateful they could drop right back into it. "You can't take responsibility for those kind of people's actions against you. That's not fair to you." Lily shifted uncomfortably. "Plus I know he threatened your sister."
Mary's hazel eyes sank. "Fuck, I promised myself I wouldn't cry over this anymore."
"Hey, cry all you want. I know I have. Crying fucking rocks."
Mary let out a wet laugh. "It really, really does." She grabbed Lily's hand. "You're so brave to report him."
Lily scoffed. "Hardly. I just didn't think he had anyone to threaten considering my family's gone." Mary's grip on hers tightened supportively as Lily took in a shaky breath. "But then his dad threatened James…"
"Okay." Mary shook her head as if doing a physical interpretation of whiplash. They were both grateful for a happy distraction. "Please elaborate on this. So I gather you've been fucking." Lily felt her ears heat up. "And Marlene makes it sound like you guys are on the verge of something… but… what's happening now?"
She didn't have to filter or hide with Mary, being friends with someone like Frank had taught her that; she could go all in. It wasn't lost on Lily that the last time that she'd held back on admitting all of her feelings to her, Mary had turned around and lied to James during Truth or Dare to get him off her back. That action had set into motion practically all of their missed opportunities over the course of the next year. "Mary. I fucking love the pants off that boy."
"Ah!" Mary squeaked. "Lily! My Lily's all grown up!"
"Sod off," Lily chuckled, pushing her hair back. "He's changed, Mare. He's just so… perfect now."
Mary rolled her eyes. "Holy fuck, you're in deep."
Lily couldn't fight her, feeling 100 percent her age for the first time in a year. It was like trauma aged you. "Mary. I am. I don't even know what to do with it."
"What is this 'it' we're talking about? Because it sure sounds like you've known what to do with it for quite some time now."
"I meant my feelings," Lily laughed, "you tart."
"Okay, okay, wasn't sure how much you'd changed since I was gone! Turns out you're still the same overthinking harlot I left you as," Mary teased warmly.
Lily pulled her back in for a soul-crushing hug. "Please don't ever leave me again, Mare."
"I won't. I promise," Mary said snuggling up against her. "They'll have to kick me out of your room at the nursing home because we're causing too much of a ruckus for the other old folks for their 5 pm bedtime."
"Okay, perfect."
"That is, unless you're already occupied shagging James soddening Potter between pudding breaks." Lily knew James must have been at the compartment door before he slid it open based on Mary's sly tone alone.
"Sorry to interrupt, but Lily, it's time for our prefects meeting?" James had indeed poked his head in, looking all cute — sorry, manly and rugged — ready for their first meeting as Heads.
"Sorry," Lily said, wiping off her runny nose with her sleeve. "Lost track of time."
"Well, good thing you've got your partner now to help keep you on track."
The words had barely left James' mouth before Mary's lips and brow lifted in unison as if pulled by the same string. Lily hoped she was sending her a look back that read 'Oh shush you,' as she scrambled to her feet. "Okay, I'm ready."
"See you later…" Mary sang as Lily closed the glass door behind her.
"Sorry again," Lily said, walking away with James. "Quite unprofessional to nearly be late!"
"Please, if I was just reunited with Sirius, I could have missed an earthquake, I get it." He stuffed his hands in his trouser pocket and pulled out a maroon cloth. "One second though," he said bracing Lily's shoulder and stopping her between carriages, "let me just…" He wet a corner of his handkerchief with his tongue and brought it gently under Lily's eyes.
"You carry around a handkerchief?" Lily asked in disbelief.
"Sure," he replied shrugging. "You never know when you're going to run into a damsel in distress."
Lily gave him a glare that made his grin even more lopsided. "Is it used?" she asked as he kept rubbing away at her mascara. Apparently it wasn't good enough to stay put on her lashes, but somehow good enough to resist budging now.
"No, Lily! Jeez, what kind of monster do you think I am? 'Is it used…'" he muttered amusedly under his breath.
"I don't know!" Lily cried out, holding back a giggle. "I'm still recovering from the fact that you carry around a bloody handkerchief, James."
James shook his head, stuffing the offending square back in his pocket and cradling Lily's face in his hands instead. "Hold still." His thumb finally did the trick. "There we go. Good as new."
We're in the middle of the train, late to our first meeting as Heads… Not the time to notice how his eyes are sparkling or how good he smells, Lily, she reprimanded herself. "Thanks."
"Anytime, Evans." His hands were still hot on her cheeks. "Remember, we really are partners now."
She tilted her head slightly. "I have the feeling you won't let me forget."
His whole face lit up with unmitigated glee. "You know me so well." His eyes scanned hers as he watched her expression falter. "What?"
"Shit," Lily declared.
"What?" James repeated.
"The meeting! We didn't plan it at all! We were about to— but then… but we—"
"Got distracted by our marvelous date?"
"Sure," Lily said flapping her wrist. Okay, so he was cute, old news, but going into her first meeting blind was not.
He shot her another cocky grin. "Don't worry, Evans. I got you. As you may recall, flying by the seat of my pants is what I'm best at." Lily found this statement wholly accurate considering the last time she remembered James telling her, 'I got you,' was when he actually took her flying. (And the first time was when he gave her a tail and cat ears, but that was neither here nor there…) He offered her a hand, squeezing it as they took their last few strides to the prefects cabin. She dropped it before they entered though — she wanted to be seen as a mighty and worthy Head Girl in her own right, not as the Head Boy's lackey. It was a stupid notion, but one she knew would permeate under the wrong circumstances.
James clapped his hands together as he strode past several familiar faces: Remus, Robby, Rebecca, Rosier, what the hell is it with prefects and R names?! Rosier had taken over Snape's spot after Lily had outed him as a Death Eater. It hadn't been blatant, but Lily knew that's why his position hadn't been extended to their final year. She also knew Snape was most likely stomping around steaming about it, lamenting how 'unfair' he was being treated while 'real bullies' like James flourished. Lily should probably be disturbed by just how easily she could picture the scene.
"All right, gang," James started and Lily already felt herself stifling a titter. He seemed to be approaching this the same way he would approach leading a Marauder scheming session. "As you can see, Lily and I are Heads. Any questions?"
The mood in the room shifted from an uncertain silence to an excited buzz of whispers. James sure as hell knew how to have an audience on the edge of their seats; Lily knew that firsthand.
A tiny looking 5th year Hufflepuff raised her hand. "Yes, actually. For rounds, will we be paired with our fellow housemates, or are patrols assigned at random?"
"That's a silly question. Didn't you read the handbook?" James said collapsing effortlessly into his chair, his longer than usual locks falling over his brows.
Fuck, he's treating this exactly like a Marauders meeting. Lily would have to talk to him about toning down his sass in these sort of group settings. "That's an excellent question," Lily said stepping in before the Hufflepuff cried in front of all her new colleagues. She sent James a look that screamed: 'Watch it; I know you literally only learned the answer to this four days ago from Remus,' while she took her own seat at the table opposite him. "What's your name?"
"Amelia. Amelia Bones."
"Well, Amelia, the rules on that actually changed this year," Lily explained. She knew Dumbledore had done so to foster school spirit and try to bridge the growing divide between Slytherins and everyone else. "So now, you may be assigned to do rounds with any of the other prefects, regardless of house or gender."
Amelia nodded her head and leaned back, satisfied she hadn't just made an utter fool of herself.
When Lily's eyes found James' across the room, they were alight with mirth. "Excellent," he cooed. "Well, first order of business: we're going to be putting on a talent show." What?! Where did that friggin' come from? The compartment became a cacophony of cheers and whispered boos, but James kept his gaze firmly planted on Lily. "Everyone in this room must participate."
Oh, bloody hell, he still wants to hear me sing. Lily thought back to James' repeated inquiries about her voice and all his visits to the bar during open mic nights the year before. He wasn't going to drop this.
James continued, "Dumbledore wants school unity, so what better way to prove it than by showing off all our weird, random talents."
No, James, that literally has nothing to do with school unity, you prick. An overwhelming desire to one-up him overtook her. "Yes. And then we're going to throw a winter dance just before Christmas." The girls around her swooned and broke into elated chatter as James' brow quirked. Lily leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest. Two can play this game. At least this school function encouraged some semblance of inter-house mingling. And if Lily were being honest with herself, she still felt quite guilty for rejecting Paxton's proposal for a dance last year — right before he died. "Prefect attendance is mandatory for this as well."
James was fully smirking now. "You heard the Head Girl. Get your dates lined up now, gentleman."
"That's awfully old-fashioned of you, Potter. Why couldn't the ladies be the ones doing the asking?" Lily challenged. "We can ask out a bloke or gal just as capably."
"Oh." Everyone else in the room faded away as the tension between Lily and James mounted. "Evans, were you thinking of making it a birds-invite-only dance?"
Lily shrugged. "Perhaps."
"All right. Well, I'll expect my offer soon then." Naughty boy.
Remus coughed, and Lily was reminded of the fact that there were in fact about twenty or so other students there currently watching the Heads eye-fuck the living shit out of each other. "But it's only a suggestion." She purposefully looked around the room, at students, the table, anywhere that was a safe zone and not James, even as her body came alive at the mere thought of him. "Anyone can ask out anyone. Go with whomever you like," she practically squeaked.
"I can't wait," James said, still only having eyes for her. Lily guessed that he really didn't care about his perceived authority over the crowd. He was quite confident he already had it. Thoughts of James captaining his team flooded Lily's mind… as well as what having seen him captain had done to her knickers. If she closed her eyes, she could still hear the groan of the desk as it slid across the floor with their postgame activities. Holy shit, what the fuck, Lily told her thoughts. She knew it had been a while and that she'd gotten quite good at masturbating to him while she refrained from actually having him, but lock it up, woman!
It was official. Lily wasn't going to make it much longer without jumping James' bones. The way his eyes outlined her features told her he knew it too.
They finished up the meeting without further incident, (except when James rolled up his sleeves to reveal his forearms — which Lily took as an act of aggression) and soon all the prefects were milling out.
James could definitely best be described as strutting when he approached her not a second after Rebecca slid the compartment door shut behind her with a knowing smile. "A ball, huh, Evans? You know, if you wanted another dance with me, all you had to do was ask."
Lily looked down to the patrol conflict sheets she had collected in her hands, refusing to look at him whilst embarrassed. Yes, I want to sway in his arms again, no I am NOT going to be made to feel ashamed of it. "A talent show, Potter?"
"No, no, don't change the subject. Anything you want to ask me now? I book up quickly, you know."
"Yes. Was your head always this big, or does it grow whenever Quidditch season approaches?"
James' lips slanted sideways. "So, you agree? Quidditch is something I can get arrogant about?"
Lily stashed away the papers in her bag and slung it over her shoulder. "You know, Mary's right. You're not that bright."
James snorted and took another step towards Lily, their toes practically touching. He licked his bottom lip and looked at her through the thickest of lashes. "Good thing I'm charming then, I guess?"
Lily's voice caught in her throat as she stared at his lips, right above her. She was absentmindedly fiddling with the bangle she always wore to hide the scar Voldemort had left on her wrist. "Unfairly so." She did a little cough to try to clear how her voice had just cracked. "You know you can't just use being Head Boy to orchestrate whatever you want, right?"
His right hand drifted to her hip, his thumb tracing the exposed skin above her jeans. "That's interesting." Fuck, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me. "Because it seems like that's exactly what I just did." His breath tasted hot and sweet against her cheek. "Hope you've been doing your vocal exercises, Evans."
Fuck it, I'll do it myself. Lily perched on her toes and closed the distance between their lips, as she sank her fingers into his hair like she'd wanted to ever since seeing those damn tuggable locks. This was heaven, this was home, this was right. James let out a hearty sigh that he probably would have been embarrassed about if he wasn't so enraptured by the way her body fit perfectly within his arms as they tightened around her back.
"Fuck, I missed you, Lily," he panted breathlessly against her lips as they broke away for a second. "I know I keep saying it, but fuck."
"I know, I'm sorry—"
"Don't be. We're here now." He sprinkled pecks across her lips, cheeks, and nose. "And expect a whole lot more of that. You're unreasonably sexy when you're all in charge like that."
Lily giggled as she settled her forearms against his shoulders. "Oh yeah?"
"Mmhmm," he hummed into her neck as he planted a few kisses there for good measure. "Being Head Boy is going to be so brilliant, you have no idea."
She massaged the back of his scalp as she drew her head back. "Speaking of, you're going to have to work on how you talk to the younger kids."
"Whaaat? What are you talking about, I think I killed it."
Lily smirked at him. "I know you think you did, but you nearly made Amelia cry. These guys aren't the Marauders. Their skin isn't as thick and you can't just tell them when you think they're being idiots."
"I don't tell the Marauders when they're being idiots, I just heavily imply—"
"Yeah. None of that. These kids are goody-goodies who thrive on academic success and making other people proud. You can't just shut them down like that for asking questions."
James sighed and kissed the tip of her nose again. "As you wish, Lily. Save the harsh truths for Peter. Got it." Lily rolled her eyes. "Any other notes for me?"
"Yeah. Less eye-fucking your co-Head. They'll notice."
James chuckled. "Let them. You know, it's strange they don't teach sex ed at this school. They've got to learn it somewhere. Better from two people who are so good at it then anywhere else, right?"
Lily's jaw dropped as she pushed his chest away faux-scandalized. Potter, Potter, Potter… what am I going to do with you? She had half a mind to shag him right here, right now, but thought perhaps getting expelled on her way to Hogwarts in her final year wasn't the way to go. Although, we would be legends…
"Come to our compartment for a second," James asked, grabbing her hand and leading her to the door. "We got something for you."
"What?" Lily asked confused. "Got something? For what? It's not my birthday."
James shot her a beautiful toothy grin over his shoulder as he dragged her along. "People can give each other presents on days other than their birthday, Lils. Consider it a… congrats-on-getting-Head-Girl gift."
Lily looked down at her shoes bashfully, muttering, "I didn't get you a congrats-on-Head-Boy gift."
"Don't stress about it. It's honestly a pretty selfish present on my part. Well. Hopefully you still like her."
Her? What on earth? But Lily's questions were answered when they stepped in front of the Marauders' glass door and Lily saw the three boys playing with an adorable orange kitten. She gasped and spun to look at James who was already studying her reaction. "You didn't!"
"I did? But if you don't want her, it's cool. I'll raise her, and Remus can just pretend that she's his since his owl went missing—"
"You can't take her back now, she's mine!" Lily argued.
James' face cracked into the brightest smile. "You're happy?"
Lily threw her arms around his neck, crushing his body with hers. They really were getting phenomenal at hugging. "Are you kidding me?! Yes! Introduce me, please!" She couldn't believe he'd done this for her. Well, if anyone would, it was James, but still. It meant a lot.
They entered the compartment eagerly, but Sirius had other plans for how the conversation would go. "Well, well, well, look who showed up a good ten minutes later than Remus with bruised lips and disheveled hair? Don't think I'm gonna stop teasing you about trying to copy my hairstyle either, Prongs."
Lily rolled her eyes (she knew why James was growing his hair out, and it had nothing to do with the cool factor like Sirius) and extended her hands. "Shut it, Sirius, and give me my cat!" She opened and closed her palms gleefully.
"Huh. Look at that, Terp. Been around for a mere five seconds and she's already trying to rip you away from your godfather," Sirius lamented to the kitten.
Lily jutted out her chin and looked at James. "You named my cat Terp?"
"No, I named her Tiger. Padfoot just calls her by her initials." Lily gingerly accepted the kitten as Sirius deposited her into her lap. Lily's heart immediately melted when the fur ball looked up at her with cartoonishly large green eyes. "I hope you see just why I had to get her for you when I saw her."
Something dawned on Lily as she scratched Tiger behind the ears. "Wait, she has two middle names?"
"Of course," James answered casually. "Why wouldn't she. It's what she deserves."
Lily snorted. "Of course. How silly of me. She deserves nothing but the best. I'll expect fresh fish and monogrammed towels for her as well."
James leaned over and pet the kitten currently attempting to nuzzle herself into Lily's belly button through her sweater. "You know, that's not the worst idea."
Sirius let out a huge sigh. "Course. She makes a fuss about Terp's middle names, but not over the fact that Prongs literally gave her cat his last name."
Huh. Would you look at that. She hadn't even thought of those implications. "Oh, go make yourself useful and get Mary, please." Lily couldn't help the blushing, but she sure as hell could help sassing Sirius for making her do it.
Sirius laughed getting to his feet. "You know, I was just about to say you got feistier this summer, but that 'please' gave you away." He shot Lily a wink as he left. She noticed that he didn't have to ask what direction Mary's compartment was.
She looked at James. "Can I really keep her?" she whispered hopefully. It still seemed too good to be true.
"Yeah." His eyes lovingly flew over her face, soaking in all the joy she was projecting. "You can keep her." His words seemed to carry more meaning than they suggested.
Before long, the boys, Mary and Lily were all playing card games and laughing up a storm as Hogwarts came into view. The welcome feast seemed to drag on forever considering all Lily wanted to do was send the first years off to bed so she could see her new dorm. My shared dorm with James. The notion seemed so ludicrous, so completely out there — in what world would a school let me share a living space with a 17 year old boy? Well, to be fair, he hasn't looked like a boy in a while… Lily was staring at a man right now. The way his navy blue sweater stretched over his broad shoulders (Really James? Night fucking one and we're already flouting dress code?) and his long fingers tapped idly against the wooden table between them was making her mind go to naughty places. The beast inside of her was back, and damn had it been dormant for far too long.
They locked eyes and he knew. She could just tell that he saw it too.
"Are they always like this?" Mary asked as though witnessing a broom crash.
"Yeah. But this is honestly a little worse than usual." Marlene responded.
Everyone was really going to have to stop busting her balls. Unfortunately, Sirius hadn't gotten her internal memo. "In all fairness, this is the longest they've gone without shagging and they used to go at it like rabbits." Peter snorted as Lily scooped up some mashed potatoes and flung them across Sirius' face.
He stared at her with a comically open mouth, potato slowly dripping down to his chin, before he grabbed a pitcher of pumpkin juice. "Really? You want to start a food fight on your first day on the job?" He sloshed the juice threateningly.
Shit. "No! Fuck, I'm sorry, I surrender!" Lily groveled rapidly, the title of being the Head Girl with the shortest tenure ever flashing before her eyes. Was it normal to have already considered so many impeachable offenses in her first few hours?
"Ha." Sirius set down the pitcher in favor of his fork. "You're lucky I like you." He leaned over to Remus and started trying to wipe his cheek off on his robe, much to Remus' loud dismay.
Lily's brow twitched. More like I'm lucky you fancy my best mate. Either way, Lily was pleased the conversation had mercifully shifted from her and James' love life, even if she was still thinking about it. And even if she could tell James was still thinking about it. And even if she knew that he knew that she was slowly undressing him in her mind and going the fuck to town.
What? It's been eight bloody months!
Not soon enough, the pair was following McGonagall as her heels clicked across the stone floor leading them to the Heads Suite. It seemed as though Hogwarts had moved the space to be right next to the Fat Lady ('Oh good, so she won't have to miss me too much,' James said) which made sense since they were both Gryffindors. It made Lily feel far better about moving out as soon as Mary got back to school.
"Prodigy," McGonagall declared as she spoke to the portrait of a thunderstorm. The password made a lightning bolt flash across the sky before it swung open to reveal their common room. A scarlet and gold explosion met their eyes as they strolled in. Bookcases lined the walls and an extremely comfortable couch sat in front of a roaring fire. There were two staircases that she assumed led to their separate rooms, and directly across from them was a door to what looked like an impressive balcony.
"Interesting," McGonagall said, looking to the back corner of the room. "I've never seen a Head dorm have a kitchenette before."
"Brilliant!" James cried, striding over and opening up the cabinets to check out the pots and pans. "Snitch and Quaffle were teaching me how to cook this summer! Now I can practice."
Lily looked him over from head to toe. There's no way. This guy can't be for real… "You can cook, now?" she croaked.
James shrugged, tossing a frying pan in the air and catching the handle. "I mean, not well yet, but I'm trying."
Fuck. Me.
McGonagall cleared her throat and Lily was reminded for the 1,538th time today that they weren't alone even though she really bloody well wished they were. "And who's this?"
Lily spun around to see her eyeing Tiger, clearly fighting with her own instincts to swoop down to coddle the precious kitten. "That's my cat!" Lily declared proudly, scooping her up and offering her for a few pets that even McGonagall couldn't deny.
The usually strict woman gave her a skeptical look. "You don't strike me as a cat person, Miss Evans."
Lily nuzzled her face into Tiger's ridiculously soft fur, relishing in her gentle purr. "I guess people can change, Professor."
She didn't miss the way Minerva's gaze darted to James behind her for a split second. "Clearly." She straightened her hat. "As two Heads from Gryffindor, I trust you will continue to make your house proud, yes?" Lily caught her implication: she already was massively proud of both of them.
"Of course, Minnie." James threw his arm around Lily's shoulders. Lily was sure it was a sickeningly sweet portrait: her, James, and their cat, all cuddly and content. She wasn't sure who currently looked more flustered, her or Minerva.
"Lily, if you ever need anything, day or night, you know where my door is." McGonagall gave her a significant look. Lily might not have been blessed with the best luck, but she knew as far as her mentors and friends (lover…?) were concerned, she had the world beat.
"Thank you, Professor."
"All right you two, have a good night. Remember you have class tomorrow." She strode back to the portrait. "I trust your friends all lingering outside the door are just here for a tour?"
"You know I prefer not to lie to you, Professor," James said through a smile. McGonagall pretended not to hear him as she exited. Truth be told, Lily had already almost forgotten Sirius had suggested a small get-together in their suite as their own personal welcome back party. It had sounded like such good idea at the time, but now…? With this crackling fire and James' heat pressed up against her side? What a fucking rookie mistake.
If he felt what she was putting down, he ignored it. "Think we have time to check out our rooms?" he asked giddily.
"Hell yes!" Lily put Tiger down on a pillow and raced up her staircase excitedly. Her room was huge, or at least that's what it felt like after years of having nothing but shared living quarters. She already suspected what it was when she pushed open the pristine white door on the right side of her room: the entrance to a their bathroom.
"Well, this is convenient," James said from the other side, clearly having just discovered his own door himself.
"I'm definitely going to accidentally walk in on you showering a lot."
James' shoulders shook with suppressed laughter. "Guess I'll accidentally have to leave your door unlocked then?"
"It would be much appreciated." The bathroom felt like it was a kilometer long as they both stood on opposite sides of it, electricity sizzling and filling the entirety of the space between them.
"Feeling good about yourself over there, Evans?" He could still read her like a book.
She was. She really was, and she was no longer worried about expressing it. "A bloke gave me a kitten. If that isn't a panty-dropper, I don't know what else would be."
James' brows flew into his hairline. "Oh man, if only 5th year James had known that."
"5th year James wasn't ready," Lily replied instantly.
"True." A banging on the portrait downstairs caught both of their attention. "Saved by the bell," James mumbled.
"What?" Lily asked.
"Nothing. Last one to the door has to do a shot."
"What?" Lily cried out, but it was too late — James had already spun and sprinted halfway down his staircase before Lily had even left her room. She was muttering about 'stupid, fit Quidditch players,' as soon as Sirius, Mary, Marlene, Peter, and Remus entered, stealing their bottle of tequila and taking a swig.
"What, don't like your new place, Lily?" Remus asked concerned.
Sirius smiled at her knowingly. "Or do you like it just a little too much?" He was already on thin fucking ice, that one. Thin ice.
Soon they were playing Never Have I Ever, but truthfully, Lily was only half paying attention, getting far too immersed in her sidebars with Mary as they lost their minds over Tiger's fluffy cuteness. James couldn't stop sending her shit-eating smiles. Boy did well.
"Oy Evans!" Sirius called from next to the fireplace where he was lounging.
Lily was caught off guard on the couch where Mary had just started braiding her hair. "Oy Black! What?"
"Okay good, wanted you to be paying attention for this one." He cast a furtive glance to James sitting next to him which should have alerted both of them to exactly the kind of shenanigans he was up to. "Never have I ever lost my virginity in a closet."
Lily gave Sirius the bird as she brought her drink to her lips. Then chaos erupted: Sirius was laughing, Mary was gasping 'In a closet?!' while Remus hid behind his hand, knowing too much, and James also took a drink, making Lily give him a very strange look.
"You did too? You never told me that."
"Ask him which closet, Lily, ask him which!" Has Sirius always been holding a bowl of popcorn, or did that just appear out of nowhere? Lily thought.
"Padfoot…" Remus tried reining him in, but it was too late. The seed had already been planted.
"James…" Lily started worriedly. "Which closet did you lose your virginity in?"
"I'm going to fucking murder you Pads," James mumbled under his breath.
Oh my god. No, there's no way. "James. Did you take my virginity in the same closet you lost yours?!"
"Okay, this is too much information—" Marlene tried interjecting, but she was ignored.
"Yes. But," he continued hastily, "I didn't know it was your first time!"
Mary's lips stretched wide. "Yikes. Whoops."
"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Lily yelled, wanting to be mad, but honestly feeling mostly amused considering how long ago it had been. Sirius looked so proud of the scene he'd created as he threw popcorn into the air and caught it with his mouth.
"Okay Lily, I know it sounds bad, but I swear—"
"Mmhm, swear what?" Lily crossed her arms. "You couldn't even make it special?"
"No!" James looked so cutely flustered. It made Lily oddly delighted that she could still make him this way. "I took you there because you were special. You are special."
Mary swooned. Sirius threw his popcorn down. "Good Merlin, only you could try making shagging in a broom cupboard romantic."
"I mean it though." James ruffled his hair. "I wanted our first time to be where mine was. I'm still sorry about that though by the way."
The way his cheeks glowed made it impossible for Lily to stay even remotely mad at him. "All right." Lily took another drink from her cup for something to do with her mouth. She was feeling oddly smiley for some reason. Sure, it was weird, but it was still kinda a unique thing to share. Who knows, maybe I'm just tipsy and sentimental.
James had a sidebar with Sirius right afterwards where he called him a 'traitorous git.' Sirius responded by saying he couldn't believe James had started confessing his inner monologue aloud to Lily now and how he felt like they were all 15 again. Lily had to admit, she felt that age — considering how obsessively in love with James she felt again.
She must have been staring at James a little too hard though, because for Mary's turn, she said, "Never have I ever desperately wanted to shag my roommate." Well, turns out James and I both have traitorous best friends…
Lily and James, and James and Lily alone, took ridiculously long drags from their cups for that one, holding each other's gazes for the entire time. Lily could actually feel her core pulsing from what his look did to her.
Needless to say, the night ended fairly quickly after that. The vibe of this party was the complete opposite to the last party Mary had attended at Hogwarts and the girls fully let themselves relax and enjoy themselves. So perhaps I had a little too much to drink — undecided, but everything seems a little woozy. Lily supposed her tolerance was shot from not drinking since January.
"Come on, Lil, let's get you to bed," she heard James say softly as he nudged her shoulder.
Had she dozed off on the couch? "Where are the girls?"
"They went back to the dorm." Off of Lily's furrowed brow, he added, "Don't worry, Remus can't get drunk with his condition, and he assured me he'd make sure everyone made it next door in one piece."
Good. One less thing to worry about. "Awesome. Maybe I'll just sleep here." After all, the cushions were awfully comfy and already swallowing her whole.
"Spend your first night as Head Girl passed out on the couch? What would Godric Gryffindor say?" He had put on a haughty voice that for some reason Lily found highly entertaining.
"Be proud, most likely."
James chuckled. "Do you need me to carry you up?"
Lily rolled to fully face him, forcing her eyes to focus on his body. Somewhere along the lines, he'd shed his sweater and was now rocking a grey tee-shirt. Simple, plain, and somehow the hottest thing she'd ever seen. "Need is a strong word," she reasoned.
"Please don't ever learn Poker, Lily."
"Huh?" she asked confused.
"Never mind," he replied smirking. "Hold on to my neck." As soon as she did, he lifted her up under her knees and walked them up the stairs.
Lily was torn between feeling a little helpless, and absolutely loving James carrying her. "I hope we do dueling in Defense this year," she slurred. "I'm gonna kick your ass." There we go. A totally subtle way to remind him who's a boss.
She heard the smile in his voice. "I don't doubt it. You forget, I'd like that."
Of course he would. She would never forget the look on his face the first time she'd tied him up in the Room of Requirement… or the feeling shortly afterwards of riding on top of him for the first time. Fuck. She didn't know if it was the tequila, or being in his arms again and feeling his muscles flexing behind her back, or that it had been so long, or that it was James, my James, and bloody hell did she love him, but screw what she'd said earlier: need was exactly the right word. She needed him, and she needed him right now.
"You like everything I do," she whispered. It didn't deliver half the snark she'd intended considering she'd realized just how much she loved that the words were true right before they left her mouth.
"Kind of you to catch on," he said depositing her back on her own two feet in her room. Before Lily could retort, he spun her by the shoulders, pointing her to the bathroom door. "First toilet, then bed. I'll go get Tiger." Lily let out a happy cheer, remembering she had a kitten now. She rushed to get ready, practically stumbling right into the door in her zealous haste. When she swung it wide open, she found James already sitting on the foot of her bed, making Tiger purr with pleasure. He really had a way with cats.
She thought she could physically feel her ovaries explode.
Chortling, he levitated a glass to her and placed Tiger on a little kitten bed she hadn't noticed earlier. "Drink." Lily did as he said, eyeing him hungrily over the rim of the glass as she gulped down water. He shook his head at her amused. "As hot as being pursued by you is—" he put both his hands on her shoulders "—and trust me, it is hot… I'm not having sex with you tonight, Lils."
Lily couldn't help her disappointment from slouching her whole body. "Why not?" she practically whined, making him grin.
"Well, for one: you're toasted."
"Hit me with a sobering spell!" she supplied hopefully.
"You know that only does so much."
"I'll sign a consent slip?" she bargained.
"Not gonna cut it."
"Come on! I accepted one from you!"
"Guess I'm just a better person than you," he teased, making her jaw drop in indignation. He kissed her forehead, lingering there. "So cute when you're horny," he muttered against her skin. When he pulled back, he found Lily pouting at him. "Don't give me that, I'm trying my best to be good here! Help me out with a little self-restraint, Evans."
"That was never really my thing," she admitted. "And until recently, yours neither."
His dimple appeared as he scratched the back of his head. "Yeah. We might be a little screwed this year, huh?" He took a step back and turned to her bed. "Okay, I'll tuck you in." He pulled back her sheets, motioning for her to hop in.
She could be helpful and dutifully follow his instructions… or she could give him a hard time. "I can't sleep in my jeans, James."
James gave her a half-exasperated sigh, fully knowing what she was doing. "First you wear these tightass jeans that you know I love," she had indeed, "and then you ask me to take them off for you?"
Her smile was probably borderline evil. She didn't presently care. "Yep."
His molten eyes locked with hers as he took a step forward, his fingers deftly finding the button of her jeans and opening it and pushing down the zipper. Lily felt her heart thumping wildly against her breast. Knowing she was safe and that nothing would happen, but that he was still right there undressing her all the same was so indescribably hot. He didn't break his gaze as he sank to his knees in front of her and peeled the denim off her thighs, letting her hold on to his shoulders as she stepped out one leg at a time. His eyes didn't stray, but she sure as hell could see his pulse as it beat wildly in his neck. It was like he was telling her with his actions, 'You can be completely starkers and I wouldn't even dream of touching you until you can give me the go-ahead.' James Potter made consent unbelievably sexy.
He stood back up slowly, clearly made of steel. "Anything else?" he asked huskily.
Lily drew her bottom lip into her mouth slowly with her teeth. She raised her arms.
James shook his head. "You're dangerous for me, Evans." He lifted her shirt off her chest, but this time his eyes caught on her bra. It was new, and she knew he'd like it. In fact, a tiny part of her had hoped he'd see her in it when she'd put it on this morning. "Fuck." One small word, whispered to her so reverently, had never made her feel like more of a woman.
James jostled his head as he licked his lips, forcing his eyes away with what looked like a Herculean effort as he pulled his wand back out to summon her nightgown. He handed it to her and had to spin on his heel right away as her hands were already traveling up her back to take off her bra. "You are so friggin' horny while drunk, gods, Lily," he moaned to the wall he was currently staring at.
"Nah." She threw her bra at his feet. She saw him look down to it before mussing with his hair vigorously. Why was playing with him, testing him, so damn fun? "I'm always horny, babe. I just hide it better when sober." She pulled on her gown and let herself fall into her bed.
"Safe to turn around?"
Lily scoffed. "You act like you've never seen me naked."
James came and sat next to her on the edge of the mattress. "No. I have seen you naked. That's why I know I don't need that kind of temptation in my life right now."
Lily groaned into her pillow as James drew up the sheet around her. "Ugh… I just wanna shag youuuu." She knew she sounded like a petulant child; she couldn't help it.
"Soon, Lily, soon," he said as he tucked the lock of hair that was covering her face behind her ear.
Lily cracked open a lid. "Promise?"
His face was glowing, oh-so-happy. "I promise." He kissed her forehead again. "Now get some sleep."
Lily's hand closed around his wrist as he began to pull away. "Wait." His hazel eyes looked at her half hopeful-half anxious. "Stay?"
The smile he gave her reconfirmed what Lily already knew in her heart: he'd never deny her anything. Except drunk sex, apparently. "All right." He pointed his finger at her and she tried grabbing it like he had on their date, but she missed completely. "But no funny business, Miss Evans."
Lily giggled. "Wouldn't dream of it, Mr Potter. Now get your buttocks over here."
"One second, one second, I can't very well sleep in my trousers either." He summoned his Snitch pajama pants from his room.
"Oh goodie."
James looked over his shoulder at her staring up at him with a toothy grin as he undid his belt. "Close your eyes, love."
Lily smacked her hands over her face, her fingers spread wide apart so they covered absolutely nothing, and did no such thing. James chuckled as he stripped to his trunks before covering back up. Yup. He still has the tightest little bum.
"All right, scoot over, Trash Panda."
"What? Not taking off your shirt?"
James settled onto the pillow next to her, their faces a breath apart. "You're incorrigible, Evans."
"You make me this way, Potter." She reached up to push his dark hair off his forehead. "Thank you for letting me kiss you today."
James laughed. "You don't have to thank me for that. I was just glad you finally did. Thought I was going to go crazy holding myself back from you."
"Well, you don't have to do that anymore."
"Duly noted." His eyes glimmered with a question he wasn't yet asking as he seemed to think now, or in this state, was not the time. Instead, he took off his glasses and put them on her bedside table before reaching to remove the bangle from her wrist.
"Don't!" Lily screeched suddenly.
"Whoa, sorry, just didn't think you wanted to sleep with it," James responded eyes wide as saucers. "Did I do something wrong?"
"Sorry," Lily said into her pillow, taking a calming breath shamefully. "Just my scar. It's stupid."
"It's not stupid," James whispered. "You know I don't care about cosmetic stuff though, right?" He nodded to his own arm. "Remember? Scars are hot?"
"Psh. That only applies to men."
"Evans!" James admonished happy to get her to smile again. "How very sexist of you!"
Lily pushed at his chest until James caught her by the wrist and brought it to his lips, kissing the bangle. "Shut up," she spoke her new Mary-inspired mantra.
"Never."
"Fine."
"Great negotiator you are."
"All my willpower is currently focused on not mounting you."
"Touché." One hand closed around the bangle while the other squeezed her fingers supportively. "May I?"
Lily's breath caught in her throat and her mouth went dry as she gave him a nod. It's just a scar, it's just a scar, she chanted to herself. Delicately, he removed her jewelry, revealing the grey, dead skin underneath. "I can't magically conceal it, and makeup just seems to absorb right into—" she tried explaining.
James cut her off by bringing her wrist to his lips. She resisted the urge to yank the cursed skin from him in the off chance it could infect him too. "You know what I see when I look at this?" He waited for her to look back at him before he continued, his eyes resolute with adoration. "I see a woman who took on the most evil wizard of all time, and lived."
"I see a scar," she said stubbornly.
"I respectfully am here to tell you, you're wrong as shit."
"And they say romance is dead."
James gave her a wink as he dropped his hand to her waist, pulling her in closer. "Hey, you're drunk. Don't want to go using all my best material in case you don't remember any of it tomorrow."
"I'll remember it," she whispered before giving him a peck on the corner of the mouth. Lying here, in this bed, with his arm around her, and her mind drunk on booze while her heart was high on love, she felt truly invincible. "I want it all, James," she confessed.
He nudged her nose with his own. "Hm?"
"With you," she murmured. "I want everything." Her hands clutched his shirt, wanting to hold something desperately tight through her declaration. "I can't stop thinking about what you told me last Christmas at your house. About how I should be living life extra hard right now instead of pulling back… and you're right. I want to. And I want to do it with you." Nearly dying without him had truly put everything into perspective.
"You're sure this isn't just the booze talking?"
"No!" Lily nearly laughed.
James didn't look like he was breathing anymore. "Go out with me?"
"What?" Lily giggled.
"Go out with me, Evans. If we're doing this, doing this for real, we are going to do it properly."
"But we just went on a date!" Lily said, very much thinking it was a perfectly valid point to raise. (It wasn't.)
"Oh right. My mistake. We've already reached our annual quota of one date per year." Holy shit. He's right. It has only been one a year since 5th. "Pity, as I only fuck after the 4th date."
Lily groaned and squirmed with how hearing his tongue wrap around that word made her insides clench, but she pushed through. "That's patently false, you wanker!"
"You trying to insult your way into my pants?"
"It's worked once before."
He smirked. "Lily Evans… trying to tarnish this good man's name."
"Lily Evans," she repeated, "trying to tarnish this fine man's body."
"That's it," James joked as he rolled her over and snuggled into her back instead. "I'm cutting you off before you become too sassy for your own good. Goodnight." She felt his chuckle tickle the back of her neck as she squarely wiggled her bum back into his hips, you know, to get comfortable.
She drew his arm tightly around her frame as she began to relax into the mattress, so warm and inviting. "Hey James?"
"Mm?" he mumbled sleepily, perfectly content.
"Yes," she breathed.
"Yes what, babe?"
"Yes, I'll go out with you."
Next Chapter: For Keeps