40
It had taken Lupin the better part of three days before he was ready to even think about Disapparating alongside Sirius to Ted and Andromeda Tonks's cottage, and even that felt like a slow process so as to not to aggravate his injuries as his bones were still shifting and putting themselves together. He looked like shit.
His face was pale and peaky, even more so than usual. Dark purple and black bags clung to the skin underneath both his eyes, suggesting to anyone who dared look upon the werewolf the man had not slept.
And he hadn't. He'd spent the last three nights laying in agony, both physical pain and mental anguish at wondering what Dora would say to him when he apologized to her if Tonks would even take him back.
Lupin's grey woolen sweater was slightly too big for him, clinging to him in some parts of his body and hanging off him in others. Same for his black trousers which his belt he wore barely held them up, as his wrecked, thin frame was looking emaciated and bony from not having been able to keep food down.
He could not afford to lose any more time.
Sirius had begged him to wait, but Remus was adamant about not. He set out for Professor Dumbledore's office as soon as he was able to support his own weight again, though with the assistance of a cane to walk, and Sirius hanging on tightly to his other arm as Padfoot escorted him up to the Headmaster's office to speak with Albus.
Professor Dumbledore's back was turned, staring out the window, hands clasped neatly behind his back and he sensed the pair of wizards before they'd even stepped over the threshold of the front entryway.
"I am terribly sorry things have come to this, Remus," Professor Dumbledore said regretfully, turning at the waist to regard Lupin and Black, both of whom were standing in the doorway.
They did not sit.
"Are you sure there is no way I can convince you to change your mind?" Professor Dumbledore questioned, looking pained as he studied the haggard-looking thirty-three-year-old werewolf over the rims of his silver half-moon spectacles.
He was, of course, referring to Lupin's intention to resign his post as Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor after Snape let it 'slip' to the other students of Slytherin House that Remus was a wolf.
Lupin shook his head as he used his cane to lean heavily towards the left, favoring his left side for the moment.
"I am sorry, Albus, but my mind is made up," he said, also sounding remorseful, down casting his gaze. "It would be uncouth and unacceptable for me to continue teaching here, as much as I would like to."
Albus frowned, seemingly not convinced by the man's answer. His greying brows knitted together as his lips pursed into a thin line as he folded his hands.
"Severus—" he started to say, though Remus quickly interjected and did not let Dumbledore finish.
"Has already done enough on my behalf. Were I to continue to work alongside the man there would only be tension and discourse among your staff, Albus, and I cannot impose that upon you or your students, sir." Lupin shook his head vehemently. "I'm leaving."
Professor Dumbledore heaved a tired-sounding sigh, pinching the bridge of his slender, hooked nose slightly before lowering his arm to his side as he turned to look at Remus. "You have served Hogwarts well, Professor Lupin," he continued speaking in a somber tone. "The kids will miss you, and for that, I will be eternally grateful, Remus." His words touched Lupin.
Remus lowered his head in reverence upon hearing Albus's praise. Sirius stiffened as Dumbledore came closer. Dumbledore looked towards Sirius then.
"Where will you go? What will you do?" he questioned, hoping his subtle hint would be taken as Dumbledore's twinkling blue eyes took in the emaciated sight of Sirius Black, obviously not liking how thin and tired the newly-pardoned convict was looking at all.
"Somewhere warm to get some of my strength and health back," Sirius answered in a raspy-sounding voice that was hoarse, like sandpaper grating against the wood. He shrugged his shoulders and looked towards Lupin. "At least for a little while. And then I intend to return to my parents' home in London. But first, Moony here has a girl problem he needs to solve."
Dumbledore nodded in understand. "Of course. Well." He turned his piercing blue eyes towards Remus. "Until you and I meet again, Professor Lupin, your carriage is waiting at the front gates to escort you off the school's premises, unless of course, you are to change your mind, Professor," Dumbledore said solemnly, holding out his right hand for Remus to take.
"Thank you, Headmaster," Lupin said quickly. Sirius startled a bit at his words as Remus hobbled his way towards the door, having to walk at a snail's pace with his cane. He got the impression that Moony wanted to leave as quickly as possible.
He'd already said goodbye to Harry and the others earlier in the Hospital Wing, with the promise he would meet them again one day, and Sirius promised to write to Harry every week.
He had even run into Lucius Malfoy's boy, and though the blonde-haired whelp had shot him a truly venomous look, something Draco had said on Lupin's way towards Professor Dumbledore's office had resonated within Remus and had stuck in his mind like a Permanent Sticking Charm.
Tonks is my cousin, Professor, Draco had spat, scrunching his nose in disgust as he took in the shabby appearance of his soon-to-be-former Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Though my side and her side don't get along, she's been…nice to me, I guess, he'd said, shrugging his shoulders. I don't want to see Tonks get hurt. You should apologize and do whatever you can to fix this. it doesn't matter if you date her or not since you got the sack, I don't have to see you and my dad wants nothing to do with that side of the family, so date my cousin if you want then.
He'd said nothing else to the stunned teacher, leaving on his heels to head to the Slytherin Common Room, and as a result, had left both Sirius and Remus at an utter loss for words. As the pair of wizards quickly made their way out of Dumbledore's office, they didn't look back.
Sirius and Lupin didn't speak much as the carriage took them away from Hogwarts' grounds and it seemed at least an hour or two before the carriage came to a screeching halt outside a thick, dense forest.
Lupin quickly thanked the driver, and with Sirius's help, headed towards the edge of the woods with the intent to Disapparate onto the Tonks' property. He had wished for this very moment since leaving Tonks alone in her parents' backyard under that tree and regretted the choice he made very much.
Part of him thrilled at the thought of reaching their destination, but the rest of him dreaded what he might find the moment his foot touched down on the soil. Whatever reception he was to get from Dora, Lupin couldn't even dare to guess, nor did he want to.
The crisp air on this particularly overcast and chilly afternoon blew the dark cloak Lupin wore over his sweater around him, making him seem a shadow.
Fitting, the man thought bitterly to himself. He was sure he looked like a specter with how ill he looked.
He inhaled the fresh air around him, trying to calm his racing heart. He jumped a bit as Sirius spoke.
"You'll be alright, Moony," Sirius tried to reassure Lupin, giving him a light pat on the back. "I'll come with you as far as you want me to, then hang back. My baby cousin cares for you, we all know that." He paused and scoffed a bit and rolled his eyes. "But you might have to duck first before she forgives you."
Lupin let out a strangled little laugh though it did not mask the worry in his voice. He mumbled the same prayer under his breath to Merlin or his mother Hope, Merlin blesses her soul if she were listening to him, that Tonks would accept his apology and take him back. He tried to walk up to the doorstep of Ted and Andromeda Tonks's home confident, with an upturned jaw and tall posture, though it was an effort and painful, but it gave off every indication that he was well enough.
He wanted nothing more than to be the wizard and the man that Nymphadora Tonks had fallen in love with, though if he were being honest with himself, Remus felt anything but. Perhaps if she were peeking out the window, Tonks would think him gallant.
But the way he could only focus on his pulse pounding in his eardrums, the dryness in his mouth causing his tongue to feel like heavy clay in his mouth, and of course, the uncertainty the weighed his heart down made him feel more like a beaten, battered bastard come to beg the young witch for his very life and soul: her.
Who the bloody hell was he trying to fool? Dora would see through his posturing quicker than he could blink or his throbbing, quivering heart could pound in his chest. He steeled himself for Tonks's pained anger at best, and her cold indifference and staunch refusal to see him and speak with him at the worst. He swallowed.
Lupin had barely raised his knuckles to knock when the front door of Ted and Andromeda's cottage flung wide open, and the person on the other side of the door was admittedly not who Remus was expecting to see.
Instead of Ted or Andromeda, though he could hear the older couple bustling around in their kitchen, he was met face-to-face with none other than Dora's ex. He had been hoping it would have been Tonks.
"You," he breathed, feeling a surge of anger well in his veins. He felt Sirius give a nudge beside him, jostling his shoulder and trying to silently warn Moony not to start any trouble, though the wolf within his mind growled its displeasure and restlessly paced back and forth as he looked into the burning bright blue eyes of Ollie Brennan.
The younger, more handsome man's jaw twitched as he took in the haggard sight of Lupin.
The Auror stood in the front doorway of the Tonks' home, effectively blocking both Sirius and Remus's way in. The younger man's gaze briefly flitted towards Sirius. Lupin couldn't be sure, but he swore that his bright sky-blue eyes softened slightly as he looked at the newly-pardoned former prisoner of Azkaban, but it was gone just as quickly as it had come.
"Sirius," Tonks's ex murmured in a low, rough voice that sounded like the embodiment of the grave that caused the fine hairs on the back of Lupin's neck to stand up. "It's good to see you, my friend. Norah's been talking about you, we were hoping you'd been released."
"Likewise," Sirius managed in an equally sounding voice that sounded strained as his gaze flitted towards Remus as his friend glowered at the Auror.
Ollie Brennan was taller than Remus by a good head or two, at best, and a bit broader in the chest. His face was pale, the two-day stubble along his strong, angular jawline suggested he'd not shaved in a night or two, as his closely cropped rough beard needed it.
The black-haired, blue-eyed Auror in his early thirties, husband to Norah and soon-to-be father of their baby in another seven months or so looked towards Lupin as if he were dirt on the bottom of his boot.
"So, Professor Lupin," the handsome man sneered, putting emphasis on his former title in a way that made Remus's blood boil. "Back from the woods, I take it?"
Lupin could hear the contempt and sarcasm oozing from the man's voice. Norah's husband was obviously aware of what had transpired between himself and Tonks. If Ollie were here, that meant Norah was here too and considering the witches were best friends, he should have known Tonks would have spilled the truth to Norah willingly. He visibly cringed.
Though hatred surged through his bloodstream hotter than any Fiendfyre could ever flame, Remus did not want tension and discourse to break out on Dora's parents' property, especially when he had come here with the intentions to apologize to Tonks. He was sure it would be a poor impression to start a brawl on their front porch as Ollie's hands rested on either side of the doorpost as he stepped over the threshold onto the porch, letting out a low warning growl from his throat.
"Yes, I am. I'm…better," Lupin snapped dryly, though the mad wolf within his mind was practically foaming at the mouth, wanting to sink its sharpened incisors in the column of the man's neck for what he'd done to Dora, the hurt he'd caused her in her past life.
Ollie's blue eyes darkened, looking more than a little annoyed at Lupin's appearance on the Tonks' doorstep. Less so at Sirius, but especially with Remus.
His brows creased together with deep lines and it took Brennan a moment to find his voice. "You should have stayed away. Nymphadora is better off without you, Mr. Lupin. Now answer me honestly, what the hell are you doing here? I came to get my wife and take her home, so I have an excuse to be here, but you, you don't, mate," Ollie growled, hatred seething behind his fathomless, smoldering, burning blue eyes.
Sirius, sensing imminent danger as the man standing in front of them had gritted his teeth together and his body had started to shake, recognized all too well the signs of the Auror's temper starting to fail him.
Lupin's desperation got the better of his plans, and he revealed his intentions sooner than he'd expected. "I know I have no right to dream that Dora would see me, but I'm here to speak to Tonks," he said.
Padfoot stepped forward in the hopes of rectifying the situation. "Ollie, uh, why don't you and I head out to the back? We can talk there while Lupin—"
But Tonks's ex and Norah's now-husband did not give Sirius a chance to finish his sentence at all.
Ollie could hold his wrath no longer. "You are the last person Tonks needs to see right now!" he bellowed, his slender fingers curling into a tight fist as he withdrew his wand from his trouser pocket. "Leave!"
The sound of his shout drew attention from the kitchens and thank Merlin for the appearance of Dora's father. Ted Tonks furrowed his brows in a frown and placed a rough, calloused hand on the younger man's shoulder, shooting the blue-eyed Auror a dark look.
"Slow your roll there, son," Ted chuckled, though the slight warning look he shot his daughter's ex indicated to Remus his dislike for the man, and he was only tolerating Brennan's presence in his home while he waited for Norah to join his side to take her back. "Lupin is a guest in our home, son, and we'll treat him with the same respect as we would treat anyone."
Ollie seethed, gnashing his teeth together in annoyance and anger as his face drained of color, though before he could comment any further, the sound of his wife's hoarse, weak voice reached his eardrums.
"Ollie?" came Norah's soft tones, sounding worried."What are you doing, sweetheart? What's going on? I heard shouting, are you alright?"
Lupin was pleased to see that Ollie's pallid face went almost bone white as he cringed and turned around to face his two-months-pregnant wife and flinched at the look of confusion coupled with anger at the scene her husband was causing on the front porch.
"I—I came to take you home, baby," Ollie murmured under his breath, a light pink blush speckling along his cheeks. "Sirius is here," he offered, swallowing hard as he stepped back slightly to reveal the dark-haired former prisoner of Azkaban. "Um, why don't we…go talk outside?" he muttered, his cheeks now rosy pink as Norah's curious gaze flitted from Ted Tonks to Ollie and then to Sirius as the blonde werewolf's mind worked quickly to put the pieces together.
She nodded, quickening her pace as best she could, though she didn't look much better than Remus. It wasn't until she reached her husband's side and Ollie rested an arm around her shoulders that Norah spoke directly to Lupin.
"She's outside, Mr. Lupin, in the backyard. Under the tree," she said stiffly.
Lupin nodded, and he froze as he caught a familiar sight of dark pink hair, almost maroon today, enter in through the back door of the Tonks' patio.
For a split second, Tonks did not see Lupin, which gave Remus an opportunity to lose himself in the young Auror's image. His blood rushed to his head at the memory of the few passionate nights they had shared. His tongue could still taste her sweet kiss, his heart pounded so damned audibly loud against his chest, he was surprised that Tonks couldn't hear it.
However, the moment Tonks locked eyes with Remus, she stiffened, a muscle in her jaw twitching. Her eyes fell on Remus, her face registering a look that could only be described as rage.
She reddened in anger, barely able to draw in a good breath through the stunned stupor that flooded her. It felt like all eyes, Ted, Andromeda, Norah, Ollie, and Sirius, were all watching Tonks to see how she'd react. She stiffened.
As it was with anyone in her life who tried to force her emotions to the surface and get her to talk about them, she refused to give them satisfaction.
"Please, Dora," Lupin begged, taking a cautious half step into the front doorway of the Tonks' cottage, raising his voice as he called after Tonks. "I'd like to speak with you." Remus could feel his fleeting moment of hope slip through his fingers like the very wind itself.
She regarded Remus with no small look of contempt and anger before turning her back on Lupin in a huff and walking away from him and the rest of her family, slamming the back door that led out to her parents' backyard so forcefully the door rattled in its hinges. Remus flinched, so did Norah, as their wolfish heightened sense of hearing picked up on the noise.
"You've got a pretty deadly Auror and witch angry with you, my friend," Ollie snapped, making no effort to conceal the contempt that he held for Lupin.
"We're not friends," hissed Lupin, leering at the younger Auror, noticing how Tonks's best friend Norah was looking gravely uncomfortable and tugging on the man's sleeves of his robes to pull him outside with Sirius. He only moved his gaze long enough for Dora's path, following her backside as she headed outside, to glower at Auror Oliver James Brennan in silent fury.
"Maybe not," snarled Ollie, ignoring Norah's tugging on his sleeves. "But take a piece of friendly advice from a man whose had a few women mad at him in times past," he offered darkly and unsolicited. "Never underestimate the fury of a witch," he warned, blue eyes flashing and darkening, almost cerulean in color now.
His piece said, he finally swiveled his head back around to regard Norah, his previously icy expression softened, almost melting as he regarded his wife, leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss on her cheek.
"C'mon, Nor," he grumbled, shooting Remus a withering look as he effortlessly slipped his hand into Norah's and allowed Norah and Sirius to lead him outside. "Let's…go talk with Sirius on the porch. Give the man a minute," he sighed, sounding rather angered.
Lupin barely heard or watched Sirius lead the married couple towards the front porch swing, or Ted and Andromeda following suit while Remus made a beeline for the backyard and found Tonks in almost precisely the exact same spot where he'd left her.
Under the tree. The shattered pieces of Lupin's heart turned to ashes as Tonks, sensing his nearness, glanced up and glowered over her shoulder at Remus.
He could see the hurt and resolution in her pale grey irises now shimmering with unshed tears. Because of him. He had done this. He'd created this awful chasm.
"I-it's good to see you, Dora," Remus stammered awkwardly, carding his fingers through his hair, cringing the moment the words left his lips. "I…I need to speak with you." Tonks attempted to swerve around him as he moved to stand in front of her, though Lupin countered her departure and shot out his arm and wound his fingers around her forearm, preventing her escape.
She was not going to get away from him. Not now, and hopefully not ever again, but first he had to make her see.
"Please. I need to talk to you, Tonks. About us," he pleaded, hearing the crack in his voice.
Tonks blinked owlishly at him, unaware that Sirius had managed to sneak away from the Tonks' front porch and was standing alongside Norah at the top of the hill, on the back porch of her parents' cottage, the two friends silently watching the scene unfold.
"Us?" Tonks demanded angrily. Lupin stood stock-still and silent, hoping she'd at least hear him out.
Tonks paused, taking a moment to inhale a deep, slow breath, silent for a moment, her face never changing from her expression of disbelief and disdain.
"There is no 'us,' Remus," she hissed at him. "You made your choice when you left me under this tree a few nights ago. What more could you say to me?"
Lupin felt her heart break upon hearing the cold, clipped tones of her voice. He needed her to know that he was sorry. But if only Tonks would let him speak.
"Dora, no, that's not what I…" he hesitated, stricken by her assumption that he had cold-heartedly dumped her a few nights ago when that had so clearly not been the case. He almost saw Tonks swallow down past the lump in her throat as she curtly held up a hand and refused to let Lupin even utter another syllable.
"Don't," she snapped angrily, her face paling in anger and shock. "Don't start to apologize, Remus. You came back. I should hate you, Remus, for what you've done," she said flatly, her eyes never breaking contact away from the window. Her tone conveyed nothing of whatever emotion Tonks was feeling.
"Y—you should," Remus murmured in agreement, lowering his eyes. His heart felt like it was shattering in two, a worse injury than any broken or missing bone that his transformations could have caused. Lupin knew Tonks was right. What else should have he expected? He had no right to hope for anything from Tonks, not after what he had done to her, then.
He stood gravely underneath the shade of the elm tree, rooted to his spot and unable to speak. Tonks furrowed her brows into a frown, pausing for a moment to consider her words, and then forced herself to continue.
"I should, Remus." Here, she breathed out an almost defeated sounding sigh, her eyelids closing for a moment in a split second of tiredness. "But…you're my boyfriend, and I can't bring myself to hate you, though every fiber of my being says I should. Norah told me I shouldn't," she admitted in a begrudging sort of tone.
Lupin froze, feeling a muscle in his jaw twitch as he raised a brow and looked at his girlfriend curiously, hardly daring to believe his ears. Surely, it was entirely too much and too selfish a thought to hope that Dora would accept him, and hear him out, and yet, he did it.
Tonks swallowed down thickly past the lump in her throat as it hollowed and constricted, exhaling a shuddering breath in an effort to quell back the tears forming behind her pale grey irises.
"I needed you to trust me the other night, Remus, and you couldn't bring yourself to do it," she mumbled, at last, her grey eyes never once wavering from his, unshed glistening moisture brimming in her eyes as she fought back the almost desperate need to cry for him.
She was not looking at Remus with alertness or guardedness as he had initially expected she would, but rather, a sincereness. Dora's expression was sadder than anything else, and Lupin did not think he could bear to see it on his love's face a moment longer.
For Remus, who had, by this point in his relationship with Tonks had thought he had seen all there was to see in the young woman who'd stolen his heart before he knew it was gone, he was finding himself in the new, unfounded territory and at a loss.
"Well, I—I'm here now, sweetheart," he muttered, a fiery heat creeping to his cheeks as he tried to sound as reassuring as possible, though even he could hear the strain in his soft voice. "Didn't I tell you that I would come back? Pettigrew's dead, Tonks."
She nodded, though he swore a flash of anger darted across her peaky-looking features, though just as quickly as it had come, it was gone, replaced yet again by a perfect mask of indifference. Barely able to speak, Tonks forged ahead, afraid that if she didn't say what was on her mind, she would be unable to say them at all.
"I—I should have been there for you, Dora, I—I'm sorry," he moaned, surprised that he could even find the words as silent tears rolled down his cheeks, and he was surprised to find himself crying. He hadn't planned on crying in front of Tonks when he'd come to confess how sorry he was and how much he loved Dora, but nor could he stop it, either.
Perhaps if she saw how much this was affecting him, there was an inkling of hope she would forgive him.
Tonks sniffed, reaching up a finger to flick away the last of her tears with a well-practiced flick of her index finger, ducking her head so Remus wouldn't see how much he was getting to her now.
"You made your choice, Rem. You—you didn't choose me. Your girlfriend," Tonks replied coldly, glancing down at her shaking hands. "And then you were gone, Remus."
"Is that really what you think, sweetheart?" Lupin asked, squeezing his eyes tightly shut in regret. Merlin, but she must hate him. "There was no choice to make, love. I had no other choice." His tone became frantic and urgent in trying to make her see it.
"I see," Tonks murmured as she lowered her lashes, misunderstanding her boyfriend's meaning. Had he—had he never intended to stay with her, then, even after they had...?
Was the love she had thought the two of them shared just a dream?
"Are your words supposed to make me feel better, Remus?" she questioned, to which she received only silence as a response. She sighed, reaching up a hand and tucked a lock of her pink hair back off of her forehead, swiping her bangs across her eyes. "Why did you come here?" Tonks asked him in a flat and expressionless tone.
"Because I love you. I always have. I—I don't want to…to run away anymore. I want to be there for you by your side, not just as your partner. As your boyfriend."
"You love me?" she shot back vehemently. "You LEFT me, Remus!" The hurt in her voice was almost too much for Lupin to bear, and with her raised voice, at this rate, Sirius and Norah were going to hear every bloody word.
As Remus lifted his chin to meet Dora's gaze, her eyes were red and watery and glossy, a mixture of fury, hurt, betrayal, and joy on her face, with each emotion battling for control in her pale grey irises.
Lupin felt his breath hitch and catch in his throat at the sight. "I—I'm so sorry," he choked out, feeling his body give in a shudder as he took in the sight of the pink-haired young Auror, who was staring at him in an incredulous way as though Remus had sprouted antlers. "I—I thought that…I didn't think about what it would do to you, love."
"You never do, Remus," Dora sighed, though her voice was lacking the biting cold curtness that had been there a moment ago. "You always overthink things." She sounded tired. Defeated, as though she couldn't be bothered to argue with him anymore. "Merlin, Remus, Jesus Christ, you never really think these things through properly, do you? You never do."
Tonks forced out a weak little chuckle that didn't meet her eyes. Lupin hesitated, sensing she was still waiting for an explanation. He did not want to burden her, but...
Seeing her now desperately searching his eyes for answers, he knew he had to tell the truth.
"I made my choice," he shot back, trying to control the warbling note in his voice, hoping he wouldn't start crying again. "I chose you. Dora. I chose that Peter wouldn't hurt you, and guess what? I'd do it again if it meant keeping you safe and out of harm's way, love. I…I'm still afraid of not…not being good enough for you, Dora, but I'm not going to run away anymore, I promise. We're together now, and everything's going to be fine. You'll see. I promise." Before the words left his mouth, Remus hoped he wasn't asking for too much. "If you will…if you will have me. Can I…can I come back to you, Dora?" he begged her.
"You…you've always been good enough, Remus. Always." Tonks took a deep breath and looked up at Lupin with softened eyes as her lips parted slightly. "You…protected me." She was able to acknowledge it, now that she had learned the truth of why he had left, amazed at the depths of his selflessness. "You love me, Remus?" she asked, already sure of his answer.
"With all that I am, though I may not be much at all," he said. Tonks looked taken aback. "Don't speak about yourself like that, Lupin. Do you truly hold such a low opinion of yourself, sweetheart? Even…even now?" she whispered, her voice coming out as a hoarse croak. "You're more than any man I've ever known, including my dad, and in my mind, that's something to be proud of. I love you, and that should be enough for you," she finally admitted. "And…" Tonks paused, unsure of how to continue, biting down on her bottom lip in a slight pout. "I—I don't forgive you. You broke my heart, Remus," she gasped out in a choked, pained voice. "If you leave, I swear to Merlin Himself I'll drag you back home myself kicking and screaming if I have to, and if you're dead, I'll revive you, just so I can kill you again myself," she growled angrily.
Then her eyes softened even more, and before Lupin could protest, she allowed her lips to brush against his in a gentle kiss, brief but loving, before she broke it off first and pulled back to study his face, a soft, sadden little smile on her lips.
"It—it isn't okay yet," Dora told him, and that, he supposed was good enough. It was much more than he had expected, and Lupin let out a hiss as she cupped his jaw with one hand, her fingers brushing along the stubble of his jawline, still prickly from not shaving his beard. "Just because…just because it's not okay right now, doesn't mean it never will be again. I think I…that I could forgive you, in time. I would…like to try."
She hesitated, still biting her lip, a nervous habit of hers whenever she was apprehensive about something. Lupin swallowed thickly, feeling like there was a gag on his mouth.
He could only nod, at a loss and not sure what to say to her. He was pulled from his thoughts as Dora further pressed her forehead against his and her lips met his in a gentle embrace. Their kiss was passionate, sweet, and pure as they basked in each other's presence. They broke apart after a moment. Tonks allowed her eyes to glide over Lupin, taking in every inch of his pale, scarred face. She'd missed him so much. Her hand cupped his jaw.
She savored his light brown eyes, flecked with just a twinge remaining of gold in his irises, leftover from the wolf's transformation within him this month.
Lupin's gaze was unabashed and unwavering, still looking boldly into hers. Tonks savored his neat eyebrows and sharp nose, angular facial features. Her grey eyes lingered on Remus's mouth. His hands slowly snaked their way up her arms. Tonks hadn't even realized she'd been leaning into Lupin slowly and his breath ghosted across her face, warming her lips.
"Is this," Lupin asked in a hoarse voice, though he was smiling at her, "going to be a habit of yours?"
Tonks merely stared at Remus, challenging him. "Do you not like it?" she asked boldly, hoping he did like it because Tonks had no intentions of stopping it.
His light brown eyes gleamed, his scarred lips turning up at the corner, just a little bit, almost barely noticeable, but Tonks noticed everything Remus did.
"No." No sooner than the word escaped his lips did Tonks find herself locked in another embrace as his lips met hers with fervor, kissing her and not pulling apart until they needed to break away for fresh oxygen.
Panting and gasping for breath, Tonks's eyes narrowed as she looked at the familiar-looking dark-haired man seated on the topmost step of her back porch alongside Norah, his cheeks resting in his hands and looking thoroughly amused about something. Them.
Tonks felt a light blush speckle along her cheeks as she turned to look towards Lupin, who smirked a little at her nonplussed expression and was holding his hand outstretched for Tonks to take.
"Is that…?" Tonks breathed breathlessly, suddenly feeling uncertain as she wrung her hands together. She looked towards Remus for confirmation.
"It is," Lupin grinned as Tonks, without hesitation, slid her hand into his and allowed Remus to lead her away from the shade of the elm tree and towards her parents' back porch of their patio. "I brought someone with me, Tonks. Someone who'd like to say hello. Come and meet your cousin, Tonks."
Tonks nodded as Lupin took her hand, the warmth of the werewolf's skin penetrated her flesh, her heart doing a happy little flutter as they slowly drew closer to where Norah and the escaped prisoner waited.
As they drew closely towards Sirius and Norah, Tonks was relieved to see that her cousin was looking…happy. To see her and Lupin holding hands, she realized, her eyes widening in shock. As her mind mulled over this, Tonks allowed herself a little glance at Remus John Lupin out of the corner of her eyes.
Before Remus came into her life, Tonks had only ever loved two men, and they were so very different from one another. Remus was some holy blend of both as if the universe made a man that if she ever met them, she would know for sure they were unique in all the world.
So, she was happy to have met her partner, but she was surprised as she looked at Remus, how when Tonks gazed at Lupin, it's as if space and time became the finest point imaginable as if time collapses into one tiny speck and explodes at light speed.
It felt as if her universe began and ended with Remus. She could run forever, search forever, but in the end, every path leads right back to Lupin's heart and soul. She loved him.
Always. And that, Tonks knew, was good enough for her.
Then in that instant of Tonks watching Remus, he turned and caught her eye; before she could turn away with shyness a genuine grin spread across his face, turning it from handsome into divine.
At that moment she felt her body flush warm. This was a person she wanted to know more than she'd ever felt before. This was a guy she knew she could love forever.
And so she did.