Chapter 42

Six days had passed since Samantha's visit and Steve was making progress every day.

He could stand without any assistance now and was able to walk more than 30 steps before his leg were starting to tremble. Connor told him that they would start walking the stairs when he was able to make 40.

During the night his legs trembled or tingled or hurt or it was a mixture of it all and two nights ago it had been so bad that he had to take the relaxant Connor had told him to use in that case.

Aaron worked on Steve's arm, hand and fingers, but there hasn't been much change yet. The limb had loosened up a little more than before, but Steve had still no control over his fingers.

But he hoped for his right hand. Six weeks were over and they had taken him for a scan today. While they were waiting for the results Danny said "You know you can't use your hand right away, do you?"

"Yes, Danny. It's not the first time I've broken a bone, but I will feel much better without the cast."

"Just wanted to remind you – the "overdoing-thing" you remember?"

"Yes, I do. Aaron said they will put a soft brace around the wrist for the first few days to give it some support. He will remove it for therapy, but put it back on after."

"That's probably a good thing – before you rebreak it."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I know you Steven. You can't hold back. You just push yourself to the limit and I just think it is better if your wrist is still protected somehow."

"What's up Danny? What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing – yet."

"You are kind of cryptic here and I don't understand it. You wanted me to get better and I do, because I am working hard for it. Now it sounds like you are mad at me and I don't know why. Did I say anything? Did I do anything? If so, I am sorry."

"You did nothing wrong. And I am sorry."

"No, Danny. You are not coming off that easy. Something is bothering you and I want to know what. And I want this solved before Grace is coming this afternoon. I haven't seen her in three weeks – first the vacation and then she got grounded for a week. I am looking forward to this and I don't want anything between the two of us Danno. And Grace is a smart girl – she will notice it...Danno?"

"I wanted you to get better and I still do, but sometimes I think you are working too hard. You have PT once a day sometimes more, you have occupational therapy once a day and you do exercises on your own or with me on top. And I am…I am scared that…that you want to do even more when you can use your hand. You will use it to walk with a cane and put too much weight on it. It's going to rebreak and you fall and then you…you…"

"Danny. Look at me. This is not going to happen, okay? I know I have to be careful. I know it needs some PT first too. And I will only get the cane when Aaron says I am ready for it. And my walking still looks more like shuffling, so I am extra careful there too. Danny, if something happens then it is not because I pushed myself too hard, but because I tripped or something like that. That can always happen, but I really try to concentrate on not letting that happen. Believe me, I don't want to fall as much as you don't want to see it."

"'kay."

"I mean it Danny."

"I said okay."

"Yes, but it didn't sound like you were convinced.

"That's because I am not."

"Why not? What do I have to do to make you believe me?"

"Don't break anything and don't fall."

"Danny, I think you need to get out of here as well. And don't get me wrong, I still love having you around and I still really appreciate what you have done. But I think it is time that you start to take care of yourself again. You should sleep in your own bed, go out, have some fun, spend some time with Grace and/or Samantha."

"I don't want to!"

"You don't want to? Did you two had a fight?"

"No. Everything is fine between us. I just want to stay here."

"Why Danny?"

"Because I promised to stay by your side until the end of all of this."

"When?"

"When you were still unconscious. When I…I didn't know what…if…I…"

"You are scared Danny. It's that right? You are scared that…"

"Yes! Yes! Yes, Steven! I am scared! I am scared about you! I am terrified that something is going to happen to you."

"It won't."

"You don't know that, okay? You are always saying you will be fine. That's bullshit Steve! Look at you! I almost lost you! And I don't want to be in that situation ever again. Do you know how it had felt not to know where you are, who caught you, what happened to you? Twenty-five days Steve! Twenty-five days! It was almost a month! Do you know what that did to the team, huh?"

"Danny…"

"Don't Danny…Just don't Danny me! It was horrible Steven! The sight of you – of your battered body – when we've found you is something I will never forget. It is haunting me in my dreams. Sometimes you are even dead in them. Dead! And there is nothing I can do. And…I…I don't want to imagine a world without you. You are my best friend Steve. My partner, my soulmate, my emotional support in bad times. What do I do without you? What do I tell Grace? What…"

"I am sorry Danny. I am really sorry you all had to go through this. I had my guard down and wasn't paying attention and after they got me, I tried to get out of there, but there was no way. I tried, but…the drugs…I…couldn't…I am sorry."

"That is not what I meant. I don't blame you for any of this Steve. I am just so…so fucking scared that something happens to you again and I just don't know…how to…deal with it."

"How about a psychologist?"

"This isn't funny Steve."

"No, it is not. Maybe…maybe we can do it together."

"What?!"

"I…I need help Danny. I am dreaming too. Not only during my daily naps. It started again after I stopped taking the sleeping pills. It…it is not as bad as before, but…but when I close my eyes, I see things – what…what they d…did and sometimes I am not sure if…if they really did…did…you know…or if it is just a part of a hallucination. It's not only the cramps and the tingling that wakes me up every night."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't want to bother you and I didn't want to talk to talk to a professional, but I am…I am not sure that I can do this much longer. It's taking effect again."

"That's why you took the extra naps after lunch these last few days?"

"Yes."

"And why do you think a psychologist can help you after everything you've told me about your relationship to them?"

"I don't know. Maybe they can't. But it doesn't work without one either. And if we are doing this together…maybe we can get something out of it. It had worked before, remember?"

"…Really?"

"Yes."

"Deal."