AN: Hello readers! I'm back with a chapter that I've been looking forward to uploading ever since it was being written.
Though there's a few things I need to say first...
Since the last time this story was updated, this fic has reached over 200 reviews! That's incredible and something that I hadn't ever expected to reach when I started this story, so thank you all for giving your thoughts and feedback for these chapters. It really helps me out, both as a motivator and helps me better my writing skills and writing out CSG's plot. Thanks for sticking with me for as long as you all have, and I hope you continue to do so into the future:)
The second thing I have to say is that I've decided that I'm going to take a small break from uploading for a while, so chapter uploads for all of my stories will be paused after this update. I need to focus more on one of my major classes in college, so I think this is the best thing to do for me and my other stories (including CSG) to prevent me from rushing to do them at the last second.
It'll only be for about 3 weeks hopefully, so the rotation for my uploads should start back up during the week of 3/22. Meaning CSG should come back during the week of 4/5 if everything goes smoothly. There could be a chance I'll return to uploading earlier or may have to push it back even more. I'll make sure to post any updates on my profile.
Sorry for this, and thanks for your patience in advance.
Last thing I have to say, is that I actually uploaded a new cover for this story. I used some of my free time over the weekend to create one for this and one of my other stories. It's pretty simple since it's mostly just a title card I made by using my basic knowledge of Photoshop. Though, I hope you like it. I tried my best to make it both fitting for CSG and follow the rules that the anime for Index, Railgun, and Accelerator seemed to have when it came to their titles.
Well, that's all I have to say today (sorry for the semi-long AN). I hope you all enjoy this next chapter!
As always, please leave a review on anything you liked, think I should work on, or just any questions in general! I enjoy reading them and I will answer them at the end of the next chapter:)
Disclaimer: I do not own A Certain Scientific Railgun/Magical Index or any of its characters...the only things I own are:
1. My characters and
2. my ideas
Chapter 42: A Familiar Feeling
It felt like forever before Asher was able to open her eyes, though she wondered if that really was the case for where she currently found herself. It was definitely not in District 10 with Shirai and Misaka at Big Spider's Headquarters, that's for sure. Her eyes were staring up into something that she could only describe as some type of void, preventing her from being able to see where it began or ended.
When she raised up to a sitting position off the ground, she looked around at an area that seemed to be in complete ruin, seeing cracks in the landscape around her as if glass had shattered. It was broken and deformed, completely devastated to the point of non-repair.
She didn't really know where she was, but this space somehow felt familiar to her at the same time. Sometimes in her dreams she would find herself in a place like this. But right now, some part of her told her that this wasn't a made-up place.
Wherever she was, though, she didn't remember it ever being in such disarray.
As she rose up to her feet, she heard foot steps come from behind her. She turned around and saw an esper that she hadn't expected to be here.
"Fancy meeting you here." She heard her say, seeing amusement in her sparkled gaze. "I knew I sensed another presence, when I came here last."
Asher's eyes widened slightly as surprise flashed on her face. "Shokuhou?" She said aloud.
She was confused as to why she was here, or more importantly, how she was able to be here without her realizing it sooner. It was rare for her not to notice when the Mental Out esper prodded into her thoughts or memories, making it all the more illogical that she hadn't noticed her presence if she was using her ability to this extent.
"Misaki?" She repeated when the silence persisted longer than she thought was logical as she began to walk towards her. It was almost as if the esper didn't perceive that her presence was there. "What are you-"
"What the hell are doing here, Shokuhou Misaki?" Another voice called out, causing Asher to stop in her tracks from how eerily close it resembled hers. "Come to finish me off, have you?"
There was a moment of hesitation on her end, but when Asher turned around, she looked back and saw…herself, sitting down on an elevated surface that still allowed her feet to touch the ground of the darkened plane. She looked very worn out and exhausted from her disheveled appearance, but that didn't cause the intensity of her glare to falter one bit when she sent it towards the blonde that was approaching her.
A buildup of questions started to fill Asher's head as this situation was only growing to be more illogical and complicated. She couldn't figure out why there were two of her here, until she saw Shokuhou quite literally walk through her.
It was in that moment that Asher's solid form phased and flickered ever so slightly, causing her to look down and prompt her to finally realize that she may have been here but only as an invisible onlooker and not a participant of whatever lost memory was playing out in front of her.
But even that answer didn't fully satisfy her, as she couldn't understand why this memory felt so foreign to her. It was almost as if she hadn't lived it, which wouldn't make sense when she herself was sitting right in front of her.
Her cautious nature stopped her from walking any closer to the girls that were there, while her curiosity didn't allow her to miss any of the exchange as Shokuhou came to a stop in front of the other Asher that was there.
"Now we both know if I had wanted to do that, I would've made stronger strides to do it yesterday." Shokuhou responded as she put her remote back into her purse. "I'm not one to let an opportunity like that slip through my fingers so easily. Especially, if it meant that a mind already so fragile could break with even the slightest push."
"Then why the hell are you here if it's not to delete my very existence? Something that I know that Mental Out herself could do without a single thought to someone as insignificant to this existence as I am." Asher asked, lowering her head to the ground in an effort to hide the expression on her face. "Come here to gloat then? Make me feel guilty for what I did? What I made her do?" She continued, as she clenched her hands together. "If you are, then it's already too late for that. So just go on and leave, so I can live out my pitiful existence by myself. Or put me out of my misery by using one of those stupid remotes in your purse to end this here and now. You're not as soft or naïve as that annoying Electromaster is. Meaning you shouldn't even bat an eye at doing this, knowing that this is the most logical solution to give her some semblance of peace."
Asher's eyes widened slightly from hearing that, seeing even Shokuhou stiffen from her words before her expression fell ever so slightly.
"You've been watching have you?" Shokuhou questioned, ignoring everything that Asher had just asked before. "I'm guessing you saw what happened hours after she had awoken from her coma yesterday."
"Yes of course I have been and did, considering I've been up non-stop for weeks on end." Asher with irritation in her worn voice. "I had nothing else to do but hear her cry, shout, scream, sob….Everything imaginable somewhere in this damn place for 2 weeks straight, in a spot so hidden that no matter where I looked, I couldn't find her anywhere. No matter what I broke or how deep I went, she was never there. All I could do was sit here. Sit here and listen to her go through a hell that should've been for me."
There was so much raw emotion in her voice that Asher usually wouldn't have been able to know how to analyze deeper than what was already on the surface. But for some reason, she could tell exactly what this replica or double of her was feeling, hearing anguish, regret, and self-loathing in her tone that was directed towards no one but herself.
Asher could tell that she was trying to play it off as if she didn't care or was affected by her circumstances, but there were larger signs that showed otherwise. From the clenching of her hands and nearly unnoticeable tremble in her voice, Asher could tell that whoever Shokuhou was talking to was hurt by something, hurt by a pain that somehow made it even inside of her own chest.
Asher was...confused to say the least as she never felt so certain before in her life that those emotions were accurate or came up with descriptions so fast for a person who was not the Electromaster or even Shokuhou at times. It was like she knew this person inside and out, probably better than herself. Meaning she knew who this girl was but for some reason couldn't pinpoint who she was or why she looked like her in the first place.
Some part of her did know, however, and just didn't want to accept it or remind herself that girl had this side of herself before WaveInflux...
To remember that the voice inside of her own head so many years back wasn't always trying to force her to do something like destroy the city.
"So you've basically given up, since you believe your purpose has all but vanished?" Shokuhou asked.
"Shut up…" Asher hissed as it almost seemed like she unknowingly clutched the back of her neck with a white-knuckled embrace. "Stop trying to act like you know who I am and just get the hell out of here already."
"Oh, I don't? Are you sure about that?" Shokuhou said almost teasingly, even though her tone was deathly serious. She began to step closer and edged into Asher's pride with her words, prompting Asher's entire form to begin trembling even more than it already had been.
"Tch, be quiet." Asher snarled. "I'm not going to say it again, so shut your damn mouth, Misaki."
"Or what? Reading you is almost child's play in comparison to your other half. " Shokuhou continued, ignoring the girl's commands as she began to clench down harder onto her teeth. "Though surprisingly, you both seem to be the same when it comes to misplacing your guilt. Believing that you're the reason why she's like this and why all of her memories are corrupted."
That seemed to be the last straw to cause Asher to finally snap, getting up so fast that she was in Shokuhou's face in a matter of moments.
"My guilt is not misplaced at all! I was supposed to protect her because she needed me, while I needed her in the same sense! To give logic and significance to why I was created in the first place!" Asher yelled, aggressively grabbing Shokuhou's collar. "I allowed myself to fall under the haze of that psychopath's device, which only led me to nearly lose the one person that means EVERYTHING to me!..."
"Without her, there's nothing. Nothing for me to live for in this damn void! Even if I was alone here before, I never truly felt that until…." Asher paused unable to complete her words as her lips began to tremble. "U-Until I felt her die. Until for th-the first time in my life that for however long ago I was created that….I couldn't feel her presence an-anymore…The first time…I r-really felt alone in the void that she created for herself that I promised her I would do anything to fill…no matter the cost…."
Even in the darkness of this plane, Asher could still see when droplets fell at the Shokuhou's feet as Asher's form trembled, seeing her lean into the blonde's chest after a while as her hold on her collar lessened.
"I told m-myself over and over again that I must protect her because she needs me. That we needed each other because no one else would ever be there for u-us. Not even that damn Electromaster she looks up to so mu-much, a naiive idiot who couldn't see passed her own pride and self-righteousness to know when her "best friend" needed her the most. Wh-when I ….n-needed her, bu-but…She can't help us. She won't, not ever. Tch…I lost my faith in her long before the experiment went up in flames. To where I decided to the hero that Asher wished for two whole years for Railgun to be and didn't care if my efforts would ever be acknowledged…."
"But n-now I c-can't. I can't do anything anymore." She continued, holding back a sob. "Af-After years and years of just walling everything inside...suffering alone, being used, and tossed to the side so many times, one last push was all she needed to finally snap…finally break into pieces that I or even that stubborn idiot can't fix…A-And it's all my fault because I was the one who pushed her. No one is to blame, but m-me."
At this point, Asher's eyes were as wide as they could be as realization came over her face, too shocked to even feel the tears that had been falling from her eyes for a time as her legs felt weak.
'W-Wait,' she thought to herself as the dots finally connected, feeling this weird impulse overcome her as she was motivated to take a couple steps forward.
'I know her. I kn-know I do. But why is she so…'
She had always imagined that the voice would look like her if she was ever given some type of form, even if her voice was slightly different to how she perceived her own voice to sound. It always seemed dark and evil whenever she was in her dreams, nightmares, and even her memories, but the scene right in front of her contradicted those thoughts entirely.
She looked so broken…almost as much as she felt on the inside after she had recovered at the hospital a few years back.
She saw Shokuhou hug Asher after a while, but before she could hear what she was going to say, the memory started to fade.
Asher stood there somewhat confused at what happened when both Shokuhou and her other self vanished. She was going to walk over there and investigate before she stiffened, hearing more footsteps sound out in the space behind her as the dark plane began to fix itself.
"Well, this is a surprise. I didn't expect this to happen this early." A voice said from behind her. "I guess it's warranted that you got access to that memory, though, since I haven't had to do what I did before in such a long while."
'Wait th-that's…" Asher thought as she was about to turn her head.
Before she could, however, a gentle hand fell on her shoulder. She began to feel very woozy and off balance almost instantly. It felt like she was gradually being pushed into awakeness without her control, as her mind became clouded from whatever the girl was doing beside her.
"Wh-What are y-you doing?" Asher barely got out as her eyes closed, feeling a pain radiate through both her skull and midsection. "I d-don't…w-want t-to….forget…."
"I know and I'm sorry." The voice said with an inkling of guilt in her voice. "But if Railgun finds me out this early, it wouldn't bid well for the both of us and Mental Out. She may be annoying and a hindrance, but that girl is even more perceptive than both Yoshikawa and Yomikawa combined. I need more time for whatever that blonde did to wear off completely. So, try to keep yourself out of that much trouble until that happens."
Asher didn't understand what she was talking about since she had already forgotten what just happened minutes before. She forced her eyes open and looked back and saw herself standing there, seeing some streaks of red within the blues of her blonde hair. Instead of a smirk that she would imagine on her face, a genuine smile resided there as if she was relieved for some reason that Asher herself couldn't quite understand.
"Wh-Who are you?" Asher strained as her eyes closed one last time, hearing a small laugh as the mystery girl caught her when she couldn't stay up on her feet any longer.
"You'll find out in due time, Asher." She stated warmly as she tightened her hold around her as if she didn't want to let go or see her leave. "Now go, before Railgun and who I presume to be who you call the "Pervert," takes us somewhere that you probably don't want to find yourself at the moment."
And with that, the void that surrounded Asher fell completely, opening herself to a world that seemed to be filled with illogical amounts of pain before she had even opened her eyes.
With her not remembering a single thing that had just happened inside of her own mind…
July 31st, 5:30PM
Big Spider Headquarters
Misaka and Shirai rested their backs against one of the stone walls behind them, keeping a watchful eye on their surroundings just in case Skill-Out decided to return. They had been here for the last few hours, digesting all that had happened in that timeframe as Asher slept soundly below them.
They had tried to do what Kurozuma suggested and give her time to relax for a little while before they left to take her to a hospital to get her injuries checked out. But when they had tried waking her up, no amount of shaking was even able to rouse her, not even getting a single groan as she continued on with her deep slumber.
They didn't want to move her all that much while she was like this in an effort to not make any of her injuries worse, knowing she probably had bruised or maybe even broken ribs due to how much that guy from earlier had kicked her midsection.
She seemed to be breathing decently enough, meaning there was a pretty low chance that her ribs were fractured in some way and punctured one of her lungs or created any other internal damage. She was probably just going to be sore for the next few weeks, meaning there wasn't a lot of urgency at the moment other than the potential of her having some sort of concussion from the hard hit to her head.
It was close to going over the 3 hours mark, where they both agreed that if she hadn't awakened by then that Shirai would teleport them to the nearest hospital no matter how much it would aggravate her motion sickness.
This whole investigation seemed to leave them with more questions than answers, with neither of them ever thinking that what happened a few hours back would be its end result when Konori had arrived. She had somehow known Kurozuma Wataru, a man they believed had connections to Big Spider even if he was fighting them off due to his former friend that was posing as him.
Misaka let out a small sigh after a while as she looked up at the sun going down in the sky, before she stiffened in surprise when she heard a few sniffles from beside her. She looked over and saw Shirai trying her best to hide the sad expression on her face. No tears had been shed, at least she didn't think any had as she could have wiped them away before she had noticed they were there.
She had an idea of why she was probably upset, looking over at her worriedly before she laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Please don't take any offense to Z not recognizing you before." She said, feeling the girl jump slightly under her fingertips. "It has gotten better over the years, but her face blindness is still something she deals with from time to time, even when it comes to me. She was in a bad situation during a time she was already pretty stressed, which is one of the main reasons it was probably triggered with you, even though she knows you so well."
"It wouldn't have happened if I had just been able to do better as a Judgment officer and was able to use my ability to get to her." Shirai stated under her breath as she kept her eyes on the ground, clenching her hands at her sides even tighter. "If I had taken more consideration of the potential danger that weapon they had, we wouldn't have been helpless to some low grunts and Zierdan wouldn't have beaten nearly inches of her life if that Kurozuma guy hadn't showed up when he did."
"Yeah, I hear you." Misaka said solemnly as her eyes fell, enough that it caused Shirai to look up at her. "I should've revealed who I was and shouldn't have allowed Z to pin a large target on herself. She always feels that it's justified to take all the heat for the sakes of those around her to prevent them from getting hurt if they were only coming for her."
["You can't quit on me now! I've barely scratched the surface of what I'm going to do you!"
"I-I'm sorry. I know I messed up and failed. I promise I'll d-do better, so please give me one more chance. I don't….I-I don't want to be punished. I-I….I'm sorry!" Asher whimpered, loud enough for both Shirai and Misaka to notice.]
Misaka bit down hard on the side of her cheek when she thought that, with Shirai seeing such a regretful and almost heartbroken look on her face that was enough to make her feel more worried for how much the Electromaster seemed to be beating herself up for what happened even more than she had been.
"Sissy…" Shirai mumbled, unable to say anything else from her shock surprise when she saw something collecting in Misaka's eyes.
Misaka must have realized it herself as well as she made strides to hide her torn expression under her hair.
"F-For a long time in a while, I felt utterly helpless to do anything." Misaka continued shakily as she looked down at her trembling hand. "I couldn't stop all of those idiots, even though they were right in front of me. I couldn't save her, e-even though she was right there."
Her mind flashed back for a split second to something that happened sometime in the past, seeing her trying to reach out for someone who was basically too far gone for her to be heard.
Just like, she thought, seeing herself on the floor of a classroom with tears streaming down her face.
["I don't need you to tag along with me…I honestly never do. I'm fully capable to being by myself without you hovering around me to see if I crack under the pressure of trying to understand people. All you're doing right now is just creating more and more noise for my head to have to filter and I'm at my wits end and want it to stop. I'm done with this stupid day…this school….and basically everything in general, including you. I'm going back to my room or somewhere in this damned city for who knows how long, and don't you even dare try to follow, because you may not like what happens if you do."]
J-Just like….
I couldn't…
I should've...
Been able t-to…
"I th-think blame can fall on all of us. Me included. So, I don't think it's logical to keep trying to find who has the most of it."
Misaka and Shirai jumped before they looked over and saw Asher's eyes crack open, seeing her strain to look over at them with a stoic face trying its best to hide her pain. They noticed how her pupils were larger than normal, though, didn't take any note of it at least right now as relief flooded their hearts.
"If it were up it me, however, I'd say that whole situation before was all my fault in consideration to the circumstances." She continued. "Which probably is illogical, as it more than likely completely negates what I said barely 5 seconds ago."
"Zierdan!" They both yelled before recoiling when they heard Asher harshly grimace at their volume.
"D-Damn, please no-not so loud." Asher breathed out as she closed her eyes, trying her best not to wince as the pounding in her head and ringing in her ears intensified. She laid the back of her head further onto the pillar behind her. "I know you h-have a reason to do it, but if my own voice already sounds like mini explosions in my ears that have yet to stop ringing, then I'd say your shouts are about 10000x's worse. So please at least use your inside voice even if we're logically o-outside."
Misaka and Shirai instantly apologized, immediately feeling bad that they had somehow forgot that Asher couldn't keep her sound sensitivity in check. They had Konori look around for her Amps before she had left, with them both hoping that at least one could've been salvaged for further use.
But she could only find her hearing devices shattered into pieces, to the point that not even the maker would have been able to fix them.
"I'm guessing you two were able to beat Skill-out after I passed out from what it looks like?" Asher asked as she looked up at the sunset in the sky, missing the looks of confusion on the girl's faces beside her.
"Do you not remember anything that happened during that time?" Shirai asked, seeing the esper shake her head.
"Not much." Asher replied as she narrowed her eyes slightly, before shutting them closed due to a sharp pain splitting her head. "L-Last thing I somewhat remember is when that Capacity Down system started going off. After that, it's mostly a blur."
Misaka and Shirai looked back at each other, sharing the same amount of concern within their respective gazes. Dilated eyes, ringing in her ears, memory loss, and confusion now and before, these were all signs that could point to Asher actually having some sort of concussion as they had presumed before.
They both kneeled down to her level, seeing her unfocused gaze come over to them since they were right in front of her.
"Z, are you feeling alright?" Misaka asked.
Asher's response was somewhat delayed, with her letting out a sigh after a while as she tried to figure out what she should say. "I'm fine, I think." She stated. "It's just hard to keep my bearings mostly with this pain radiating through my skull. My ribs don't feel any better, either but, breathing isn't that much of an issue thankfully."
She paused before she went any further, almost seeming like her usual self for a few moments by attentively looking around at her surroundings as if she sensed something.
"Is there something wrong?" Shirai asked.
"Not at the moment, but there might be trouble if we stay here any longer." Asher responded. "I can hear clusters of footsteps not too far from here. It could be someone else or just a coincidence, but I'm pretty sure some guys from Skill-Out are on their way back here. Meaning it's probably best for us to go back to the dorm and regroup to compare notes on what happened earlier."
"Seriously Zierdan?" Misaka said in annoyance as both her and Shirai helped the gravity esper to her feet. "Forget about regrouping or comparing notes. The first thing we're doing is taking you to the hospital to get some medical attention."
'Sissy's right," Shirai interjected before Asher could respond. "Your health is more important than some investigation."
"I get that. But I honestly see no logic in going there, when I could just get patched up with the medical supplies we have back in our rooms." Asher stoically retorted. "There's nothing much that can be done even if my ribs are bruised or broken anyway. While the impact to the side of my face wasn't all that significant in my opinion if that's what you're both concerned about."
"Well, you must have hit your head harder than you think from how much that part of your face is swelling up and bruising over." Shirai commented as they began to walk, fast enough to avoid any fights but slow enough that Asher was still comfortable. "Imagine if we don't go, and you end up having a brain bleed that goes undiagnosed until it becomes a life-threatening issue. I would've thought that someone like you wouldn't overlook the damage that even a minor hit to someone's head could do."
"I didn't, considering I used my ability to check and didn't sense or feel anything to that extent damage wise. There isn't much more that can be done to my brain that hasn't been done to it already." Asher retorted again. "And I've been to the hospital an illogical number of times this month alone, where I just want to end July on a good note and not spend it in a place that wears down both my patience and composure at record speeds."
"I can't believe that you're even trying to fight this, Zierdan." Misaka grumbled, trying her best to restrain herself from raising her voice. "It's not up for discussion. And unless you want me to knock you out the old fashion way, then I would suggest to stop trying because you're not getting out of this. We need to go there anyway for replacements on you Amps. You've hardly slept 2-3 hours straight these last couple of nights. There doesn't need to be something else that makes you go without more."
Asher went silent from hearing that as she turned away, lowering her head enough to cover her eyes under the shadows of her face. She understood that it was logical for both Misaka and Shirai to feel this way, knowing that from how bad she felt with all the pain radiating through both her head and body, that logic would dictate that her looks probably weren't any better.
But right now, every fiber of being just didn't want to go to the hospital, to go to a place that she had always dreaded to go to in any situation ever since her hospital stay after WaveInflux. Since her anxiety was already at an all-time high right now ever since she had woken up, she couldn't stop her body from trembling, hoping that Misaka and Shirai thought it was only because of physical pain, not the emotions she was trying so desperately to suppress.
She stopped after a while, though, due to catching herself. Her friends beat it into her head over and over again at this point that hiding her feelings from them was illogical. She was trying her best now to live by that, but it still wasn't easy for her to do so, since she had done it for so long and had believed that emotions themselves were the illogical part of the equation.
She didn't want herself to seem so…vulnerable from what she could guess was the word to describe it. She had believed for years that vulnerability made you weak, logically making it easier for others to exploit it. Silas had taught her that, beating it into her head about as much as her friends did when it came to speaking about her emotions, but in this case, it was the opposite to where she needed to keep them restrained.
She needed to distance herself from them about as much she needed to distance herself from others, which was something that she caught herself trying to do even now from how much of Silas's teachings still affected her even today.
She didn't want to be weak or burden her friends with her problems, but at the same time she knew at least now that being vulnerable didn't always necessarily equate to weakness, especially in the case it's for those you're suppose to trust. It showed that you trusted them with a part of yourself hardly anyone would see, something she learned after a while could make them either happy or relieved that someone as stoic as she tended to be did for them.
So, she let out a shaky breath as her stoic face fell nearly all the way, bowing her head down to where her eyes were towards the ground. "Alright, fine. You're right, I should probably go to the hospital." She said almost in defeat, feeling Misaka and Shirai stiffen under her arms.
They were surprised that she had given up so quickly but also for how weak her voice sounded in that moment, seeing her eyes filled with a rare emotion she hardly ever showed to others: fear.
"I have a small request for the both of you, though, when we get there." Asher continued. "C-Can you please stay there? It's probably illogical of me to ask this an-and I may have to stay the night if it really i-is serious but…can you both a-at least stay when I get m-my injuries checked out? Maybe even up to i-if I go to sleep or put under some sort of s-sedation. I just…Just um…Don't really want to b-be…."
Please don't leave me alone, was the silent plea that Misaka and Shirai could hear in Asher's voice, even if she couldn't bring herself to finish her sentence. They both knew she had a major fear of hospitals, wondering if it went to the extent of some type of phobia from how anxious she tends to get whenever they're even brought up in passing.
They both knew that was the reason why she didn't want to go in the first place, something they actually considered for a while when they had been waiting for her to regain consciousness moments before. But they knew that even with that, she needed to go to make sure everything was alright and get any medicine that she needed to make whatever pain she was in subside. Her Amps also needed to be replaced, knowing if her sound sensitivity decided to spike, it could lead to a very unpleasant experience.
It was probably hard for her to admit to that fact, seeing it on her face and hearing it within her voice that she probably hadn't wanted to say anything of the sort. Even with these circumstances, though, it did lighten their hearts to see that Asher was allowing herself to lean on them when she had issues more and more nowadays, not internalizing them in an effort to protect their well-being before her own.
"Of course," Misaka answered gently, sending a comforting smile as Asher looked over at her hesitantly. "I know you don't feel comfortable going there, but there's nothing for you to worry about, alright? Especially with both me and Kuroko at your sides, considering we were going to stay anyway."
"We can't leave someone like you unattended." Shirai added, jokingly. "There's no telling what you would end up getting yourself into. We can't allow you to keep running yourself ragged, especially with it stressing out me, Sissy, Saten, and Uiharu each and every time it happens."
Silence fell between them as they continued to walk before Asher let out a sigh from under her breath as she lowered her head. She could tell that Shirai had just wanted to lighten her mood, but it oddly led her to actually feel a little bit more guilty than she already was.
"Thanks. And I'm sorry…" She mumbled, low enough that it almost sounded sad even with her stoic voice.
"There's nothing that you should be sorry for, Zierdan." Shirai stated as her eyes fell slightly at the sight as she hadn't wanted her words to make the girl feel any worse. "As you said before, there's a lot of blame to go around, but what happened to you specifically was not your fault."
Asher remained silent at that point, ignoring the knowing look that Misaka sent her for a time. Misaka knew that she didn't believe what Shirai had said and was probably blaming herself for everything, purposefully ignoring any blame that they both had.
She didn't say anything against it, though, as she was feeling the same way in terms of herself. She hadn't been able to do anything for her friends either, which was something that both upset and angered her tremendously.
Zierdan, you shouldn't be the one saying sorry. Those idiots in Skill Out should be…along with myself. Misaka thought as a small shadow fell over her eyes with her free hand clenched at her side out of the view of both Asher and Shirai.
Again, I made the mistake of allowing you to shoulder the burden by yourself. You wanted to be a bigger target in comparison to both me and Kuroko, didn't you? Which is why you wanted me not to reveal who I was….
Even now with me being the 3rd ranked Railgun, you're still trying your best to protect me from those who take out their anger on you.
Even before Silas's experiments pushed you over the edge and even before we were friends, you've always cared more about the well-beings of those close to you that you know did nothing wrong and didn't care if you were in the same position as us.
If that Kurozuma guy hadn't show up when he did, th-they would have probably beaten her into unconsciousness…
Maybe even further than that.
She could've been worse than she is now, maybe even had died if they had brutalized her enough…
And I would have been powerless yet again to even be able to stop it.
She gritted her teeth before she stiffened when she felt Asher beginning to slump over in her hold, having to stop her along with Shirai when she nearly fell to the ground.
"Zierdan!/ Z!" Both Shirai and Misaka shouted, though tried their best to keep their voices as low as they could.
Asher only responded with a loud wince as she panted hard under her breath and lowered her head to the point her chin was basically touching her chest.
"S-Sorry…there's ju-just…." Asher began to say before she winced loudly again.
When she didn't say anything else other than that, Misaka got low enough to see her face. "Z hey, tell us what's-"
She couldn't bring herself to finish her sentence when she saw Asher's state, seeing sweat coming down her face as light kept coming in and out of her pain-filled blue eyes.
"N-Noise….so much noise f-filling my he-head." Asher barely got out. "It's intense. I-It hurts. I ca-can't think…st-straight…I-I n-need to go clear it be-before i-it…gets even w-worse."
She began to spiral into incoherently mumbling to herself, something that both her friends had witnessed before when her sound sensitivity started to get the best of her. Her eyes were now completely glazed over, clouded with a haze that only seemed to be getting even thicker.
This pushed Misaka into action as she carefully unwrapped her arm from Asher's back as Shirai braced the rest of her weight to keep her steady. She walked to got in front of Asher and went to softly hold the side of her face with one of her hands to force her dull eyes to look in her direction.
"Noise….N-Noise…."
"Hey Z, focus on me." Misaka gently pressed, seeing Asher's eyes look at her for a moment before they started to wander.
"B-But, M-Mikoto there's….so mu-much….t-too much n-noise in m-my…"
"I know. I know you feel overwhelmed right now. Try focusing on my voice. Or better yet, my or Kuroko's heartbeat if you can hear it." Misaka suggested. "I know it's hard, but this is all I can do for you right now. You just need to hold out just a little while longer, okay?"
Misaka could tell that it took a long while for that to register in Asher's head, seeing the haze over her eyes start to fade as soon as it did. She knew that she was mostly back when she slowly blinked and shook her head to reorient herself, standing up straighter in Shirai's hold as Misaka went to her empty side to help her walk again.
"This is so irritating…" Asher sighed. "The closer we get to the main part of the city, the louder the noi…sound seems to get around me."
"Are our voices making it worse on you?" Shirai asked.
"If we need to be silent to help you focus, Z, we can." Misaka remarked gently with a smile. "Just tell us how we can help."
Asher contemplated that thought for a small moment, before she let out another sigh "You both don't have to stop talking. Even with everything my ears are deciding to listen to, your voices are probably the most…pleasant I'd say." She stated, feeling a small blush involuntarily rise up her cheeks. "If you keep your voices low, I should be able to handle it and keep myself grounded easier."
"So just talk like we normally do?" Shirai asked, with Asher nodding her head slightly as she closed her eyes.
The area around them flickered purple for a brief moment, prompting Misaka to sternly look over at Asher.
"Zierdan, you know shouldn't be-"
"I kn-know it's illogical for me to be using my ability right now, MK. " Asher interjected before she could start lecturing her. She looked over at the Electromaster with glassy blue eyes that were nearly pleading for her to allow it. "But if I don't, someone in Skill Out is going to see us and I'm not in the best mood or shape to expend any energy on them. I'm the only one here who can fully hide our presence from them. This will also help lessen the amount of noise around me. I don't think I'll be able to last long when we enter a place as big as the 7th district. I don't really want to test my sensitivity in such an environment."
Misaka opened her mouth to speak before she shut her mouth again, at a loss for words since she knew the esper in her hold was right.
"Fine, just don't push yourself if you start to feel weak or nauseous." Misaka warned as they kept walking,
"I won't." Asher replied back. She remained quiet for a while before she lifted her head a little more. "Also, don't tell Saten or Uiharu about this at least until tomorrow. I don't want them to show up at the hospital so late in the day or worry before the severity of my injuries are known."
"I knew you were going to say that at some point." Misaka stated, sending her a sideways glance as she chuckled slightly under her breath. "Are you sure you don't want one of Saten's or Uiharu's hugs when we get there? It seemed to help a lot the last time they visited you at the hospital."
Asher noticeably paled, enough that it got even Shirai to laugh.
"Translation, it seemed to help nearly keep me in the hospital for another day from how hard they both launched themselves at me." Asher groaned. "I don't even want to know what they would do if they found out what happened today. If they launch at me again, I don't think my ribs would be able to handle it."
Both of the girls began to laugh louder, laughing even more from how generally stressed and worried she seemed from how they would react in comparison to last time.
"You both think this is funny, when I'm actually being serious about this." Asher lightly whined. "I'm already stressed for this hospital visit. It's going to stress me out more if I get one of my lungs punctured from their combined illogical strength decimating what's left of my ribcage."
"Okay okay okay," Misaka said with a giggle before a serious glint fell in her eyes. "They may not be too happy with you if you do, though. Are you really sure that's what you want to do?"
Asher paused to take a moment to think about it, with her eyes falling ever so slightly. "Yeah, I know. It may not be the most logical decision but…" She began to say as her face fell even further. "But I don't really want them to see me like this right now. I don't think I can take being more vulnerable than I already am. It's….somewhat degrading to what little pride I actually have left in myself, I guess. "
Even though Asher was having a hard time putting it into words for how she felt, both Misaka and Shirai understood what she meant. They both sent her back a nod and then went back to focusing on their main task of taking their friend to a hospital they knew she would be the most comfortable being taken to.
About 20 minutes later…
District 7 Hospital
Heaven Canceller let out a low sigh as he rubbed the side of his face, closing his eyes long enough for each of the girls that were there to grow somewhat nervous from his reaction.
Misaka and Shirai had just explained what had happened in the last few hours, granting basis as to why the girl lying on the medical bed was riddled with injuries from head to toe. Asher sat there and deflated under his gaze, keeping her eyes away from both him and her friends after she had also learned of the events that she had yet to gain full memory of.
She knew now why she had been unconscious before, something that irritated her to no end that she had allowed herself to be caught in such a position where she had an anxiety attack not only in front strangers like Skill-Out, but also in front of both of her friends.
If only she had spent more time in scouting for information relating to the esper weapon they knew now as the Capacity Down System, maybe none of this would have happened. She would have been fine and wouldn't have been put into such a vulnerable position and basically become useless to her friends. Kurozuma wouldn't have needed to get involved since they would've ended Skill-Out right then and there, and an investigation would've ended without her being injured in some way for once.
Some Level 5 I am, aren't I? she thought to herself, gripping the sheets in her hands even tighter.
I should have the power to be able to protect those close to me. So why is that whenever anything reminds me of that damn experiment or my stupid Amps malfunction at the worst time, I end up being reduced to a state that only burdens those around me and threatens their very existence?
Why can't I ever collect enough strength and will power to not succumb to the illogical noise inside of my mind when my thoughts and memories decide to screw me over no matter what I do?
I'm the 5th Ranked Level 5 of Academy City, someone who has the power to manipulate gravity in ways some people can't even THINK imaginable…A child prodigy who could probably best Academy City's entire science division on intelligence alone without hardly using any of my energy to do so.
I shouldn't keep being pushed into this position….
Just because of the damage that psychopath's experiment did to me that ended 2 years ago by this October.
I should've been able to take out those annoyances before they even had the CHANCE to speak to us. I shouldn't have even been concerned for their well-beings to any extent, especially due to what they did to Kuroko and forced her and Mikoto to watch from afar as I was beaten to the ground.
But I didn't do anything…
Because I allowed my illogical weaknesses get the better of me.
["I think we both know it's not going being to be that easy, Miss GravShift." Hebitani said with a smirk as a couple chuckles came from his mouth. "It's almost ironic and hypocritical that something like this is happening to me, since your kind is one of the very reasons that we exist. I'd say your past crime was a lot more damaging and violent in comparison to mine where we just roughed a couple of espers. You nearly wiped the city off the map just to get others to submit to you and failed. You're the one who should be on Judgment's and Anti-Skill's radar and should be rotting in jail instead of whoever took the fall for your sorry ass…"]
I shouldn't have cared about what he said about me. Shouldn't have allowed that to cause me to falter in defeating them in that instant from knowing that would have just proved their beliefs were justified of me and other high-leveled espers like me, Kuroko, and even Mikoto…
I should….I should've just…
"Zierdan."
Heaven Canceller's voice was able to tear through the dark thoughts that were going through Asher's mind, with her stiffening just from both its sternness and underlying worry that she could somehow connect was the case. He rarely if ever called her by her first name no matter how many times she insisted in the beginning of knowing him that it was okay for him to do so. She also looked up in confusion from how close his voice seemed to be, seeing him right there beside her where she knew Shirai had been before.
He had been across the room the last time she had looked at him, while Shirai hadn't been beside Misaka as she currently was as both of their faces looked over at her in concern just as much as her Doctor was.
She disliked seeing that and knowing that some form of worry was even in their expressions, not wanting them to ever feel obligated to show such a thing towards her to any extent.
"Yes?" She mumbled.
"You need to calm down." Her Doctor said as calmly as he could as he grabbed a mirror and pointed it in her direction before she could ask why. Her eyes widened when she saw crimson burning so intensely within her eyes, to the point that not even a dot of her usual blues were there.
She hadn't realized that she had just zoned out for the past 5-10 minutes, where Heaven Canceller had been the one out of all of them to somehow break her weird trance. She looked around and saw that the walls of the room radiated a vibrant purple as some of the objects were currently shifting in the air, though, fell whenever they got close to where they were.
It didn't take long for her to deduce that Misaka had created some sort induction field with her electricity in an effort for whatever she had been unconsciously doing with her ability outside of it to not affect them. The Level 5 Electromaster herself must not have been able to fully cancel out her gravity surprisingly, meaning the level of power must have been greater than what she would have been able use to safely try and stop it or risk some sort city wide power outage if their respective abilities clashed in a very damaging way.
Asher's stoic face fell to actually show some form of disbelief. She hadn't been consciously aware that she was doing this, having to actively force herself to stop before she looked down at her shaking hands. She hadn't realized until right then that she had somehow grounded herself to not only the gravity of this room, but also the entire hospital.
"When did I…" She trailed off, clenching and closing her hands that had yet to stop tingling after she lowered her connection to the dimensional space around her.
"Z," Misaka called out as she laid comforting hand on her shoulder, stopping the use of her own ability as well. "Do you remember when you started engaging your ability?"
Asher took a moment to think, but she couldn't come up with anything and shook her head in response. "No, I don't."
"Has something like that ever happened before?" Shirai asked.
"Yes, but it rarely happens at that scale when I'm conscious, since I have a higher chance of catching it before it gets to the point of what happened just now." Asher explained as she narrowed her eyes. "Due to the gravity field my AIM Diffusion field creates, I'm always connected to any space I'm in, though I run calculations unconsciously to set how grounded I should be passively and keep any unwanted information around me from being processed. My dimensions allow me to manipulate that connection to the extent of taking control over the gravity in a set area completely. It works as a way for me to use my ability efficiently and limits myself enough that I don't take control of too much gravity at one time when I ground myself to it that extensively…"
"It happens more so when I'm asleep, since I don't have as much direct control. The amount of gravity I'm connected to can widen during those particular times, especially within spaces that I'm the most comfortable in, like my dorm room. I can also connect with someone else's gravity, especially if I'm touching them directly even when I'm unconscious. Usually, situations like what happened just now even with me being awake only occur when there's something preventing my mind from being focused on not doing so, such as that time when you had to teleport that Graviton Bomber away from me after my emotions got the better of me and I grounded myself to his gravity without meaning to."
Some realization came onto Shirai's expression as she nodded her head. Heaven Canceller let out a hum as he went to grab the clipboard on the front of Asher's medical bed.
"There seems to be something interfering and lowering the effectiveness of your medication since the brain scan I ran on you shows that your electrical signals and brainwaves are slightly off but not to the point of concern at the moment even without administering a 2nd dose of your medicine." He stated before looking over at her with a wary expression. "Because of this, you need to keep your thoughts and emotions in order for the time being as they try to correct themselves or it may lead to them changing even more to the point your ability goes out of control at a greater scale. Which is something that does not need to happen here of all places or in general."
When he saw Asher nod her head in response, he looked back down at the results of all the scans and diagnostic tests that he had ran on her earlier. His eyebrow rose slightly when he glossed over 2 stats in particular that seemed to be higher than usual, even with the medicine that he usually gives her to combat it.
"Have you had trouble maintaining your anxiety today, Miss Asher?" He asked. "Your blood pressure and heart rate are abnormally high."
Asher hesitated to give him an actual answer. Before he could press for one, Misaka let out a low sigh as she sent her friend a knowing glance.
"She has been for the last couple days. Though I think that's more likely due to her not being able to sleep through the night since the 27th." Misaka responded. "It seems something has triggered her insomnia to start up again, which has made her tired more so than usual. Instead of using the sleep pills you prescribed, I learned this morning that she has instead been drinking an energy drink a day to combat her exhaustion."
"That would do it…" He said with a sigh, looking over and seeing a blush of some form of embarrassment come across Asher's face. "You know better than to drink those with how bad your anxiety can get at one time even without them. And from all of those adrenal injections you had during Silas's trials, it makes it harder for your meds to keep your chemical imbalances and brain damage under control with those in your system. It's also most likely why your anxiety got the better of you today and led to you briefly forgetting Miss Shirai from stress aggravating your face blindness."
"You don't think it's because she got a concussion from that hard hit she sustained to her head?" Shirai asked, seeing him shake his head.
"I don't think so. She could possibly have a minor one, but I didn't see anything in the tests I ran that told me if it was more severe than that. She seems to be relatively like herself with the questions I asked her before to check. Confusion, dilated eyes, ringing in her ears, inability to recollect an event, and head pain are all signs of a concussion. But at the same time, all that you said she went through today are just as likely to cause such symptoms, especially considering most of these symptoms were seen after she had a panic attack from a PTSD episode."
He flipped a page on his clipboard and looked back at the girls in front of him. "It's minor enough not to worry too much since her scans came up negative for any brain bleeds or significant head trauma. She'll just have a bruise on her face that will go away in due time." He looked back down at the results in his hands. "I'm more concerned for the damage she sustained in both her ears and midsection, since it does seem for the latter that some areas are bruised and may have potential fractures in others. Thankfully, there wasn't any sort of internal damage, but I also don't have a quick fix other than to give you something to alleviate the pain and to recommend that you don't do anything too extensive the next couple of weeks so your ribs can heal properly…"
"I also sadly can't give you the correct model and version of your Anti-Sound Amplifiers until at least tomorrow night, the day after, or maybe even the day after that. The stock that we had on hand seems to have gone missing. So, I'm going to have to give you an earlier model to hopefully get you through the next couple of days without them." He finished.
"Missing?" Asher said aloud. "I think this is a first if it serves me correct since you're fairly logical when it comes to organization."
"Well, there was a report of a break in recently, though, I hadn't even thought someone would steal those considering they're specialized for only you to wear. I honestly thought it was because of you for how much it seems like you come here asking for a new pair nearly every week. I thought I just hadn't noticed how fast you were going through them, but it seems the stock from the company that I commission them from also disappeared around the same time the break in occurred."
Misaka and Shirai laughed as Asher looked away when a small blush spread across her cheeks, with the gravity esper sighing due to the logic in the assumption that she herself was the cause of her Amps seemingly going missing from her constant need of new ones.
Though, there was still the underlying question of who would have wanted something like her Anti Amps so much to go the extent of stealing them…
An item designed for a type of sound sensitivity that was rarely seen in the form that she had that she knew of.
A little while later…
After bandaging her injuries and running some last-minute tests, Heaven Canceller surprisingly decided that it was okay for Asher to leave with the both of her friends. He almost hadn't, though, since her electrical signals and brain waves still hadn't returned back to normal yet.
He didn't want a repeat of last time where the chemical imbalance became so great that it started detrimentally affect her overall mental state. But, he made her promise that she would return if she started to feel if something was wrong with her in any way. He trusted that she would as she was the type of person who kept her word.
He also told her that she needed to be on bed rest for the next couple of days. Her concussion may have been minor, but he still didn't want her to strain herself too much, especially with her bruised ribs. She didn't have to necessarily stay in bed for 2-3 days straight. She just needed to avoid stressing herself too much and allow her body to rest so that it could heal properly.
This meant that now if she had trouble sleeping at night due to her recent onset of insomnia, then she needed to take the sleeping pills to allow her to get the rest she needs. He understood why she was against taking the ones that he gave her before, so he gave her some that had milder side effects. It wouldn't be as effective to treat her insomnia if it got too severe, but he hoped it would lessen some of the restless symptoms enough for her to at least sleep a couple more hours longer than she had been these past few days.
Misaka and Shirai waited outside of the room as Asher had a final word with him. He was currently helping her calibrate her Amps, since she hadn't worked with that particular model for some time.
They didn't have as many capabilities as her other ones did, sort of being more manual than automatic when it came to how they functioned. Even when she adjusted her volume, the limiter inside the most recent version of her Amps were able to tune to the frequencies that her ears picked up and naturally adjusted to the surroundings around her to the extent of her not having to do it herself at times.
She realized that was a function that she probably took for granted due to the ones she had on now for her temporary replacements. Calibrating them took too much energy than it was worth at times since she would probably have to do it multiple times a day due to how much her sensitivity tends to change. It was also because it only had 4 fixed sound settings that worked in correlation to whatever frequency they were set to.
It may be a hassle to use these for now, but at least she had something to protect her ears for the time being.
When he was done, she promptly thanked him for helping her and made her way towards the hall. Though, right before she could step out, her Doctor called out to her. She turned and saw some level seriousness on his face.
"Miss Asher, question before you leave you go." He said before he looked down at his clipboard. "But have any of your memories from earlier returned to you at all?"
Asher took a moment to think. She narrowed her eyes as she forced her mind to go back to when she, Misaka, and Shirai were engaged by Skill-Out. She could remember when they encountered the gang, however, when she tried to think of what happened after Capacity Down had been activated, her head started to pound even more. It became too great of a pain to endure after a while, with the last memory she was able to grasp was when she was knocked to the ground by Kenji.
She didn't know why, but whatever fog was on her mind seemed familiar to her somehow. Almost as familiar as the sort of fog her head had been in when she had awoken on the pillar next to Misaka and Shirai. It took her some time to ward it off after she had awakened for some reason she couldn't understand, where she felt in that moment that she had forgotten something important.
"N-No," She winced as she leaned onto the wall in front of her, closing her eyes and tried to wait for the intense pain in her head to pass. When it did, she turned to look over at her Doctor who had walked over to her to brace her if she felt dizzy in any way due to how pale her skin seemed to get in that moment.
"Sorry, I hadn't meant for you to strain yourself." He stated as he saw her lean her head against the wall. "Are you okay?"
"Y-Yeah, and it's fine." She mumbled. "It's weird. My memories don't necessarily feel hazy or due to a random onset of amnesia. They just sort of feel disconnected or broken, I guess."
Her body stiffened slightly. Almost like, she began to think as her eyes narrowed.
Almost like how it felt during…
Asher broke into a massive wince, losing whatever thought had just crossed her mind as she leaned even further onto the wall in front of her. She hadn't realized how loud her grimace had been before she heard Misaka and Shirai rush into the room in seconds, with the Electromaster already instinctively grabbing her arm to brace some of her weight.
"Hey Zierdan, what's wrong?" Misaka asked in alarm.
"I don't know. M-My head just started hurting really bad all of the sudden." Asher strained, wincing even more under her breath as her eyes shut to block out the intense pain wrecking her mind.
"Do you need to sit down?" Shirai asked, looking over at Asher in concern from much pain was layered in her face.
Asher was able to gather enough strength to shake her head, looking up at Shirai with a strained smile as she cradled the side of her head with one of her hands. "No, I think I'm alright. It starting to get better or is at least not as sharp." She replied as she leaned off the wall. She looked over at Heaven Canceller from afar. "Doctor, are you done calibrating my Amps?"
A flash of confusion came across his face for a split second before it went away. He nodded his head as he smiled over at her. "You're all set to go, so you can go ahead and leave. I made sure to tell the Head Resident of your dorm that you three may make it there late."
Asher sent a nod as a show of thanks, walking out the door with Misaka and Shirai as they waved to him goodbye.
He waved back and kept the smile on his face right up until he saw that they were out of sight. His eyes narrowed slightly as he walked back over to his desk, picking up the clipboard that showed the results of the brain scans he had run on Asher before she left and compared them to the ones he took when she had arrived.
They both were relatively the same when compared to each other, though both equally contrasted when they were compared with a scan that he had taken last month. Brainwaves were unique when it came to every individual. Even with that, however, Asher's brainwaves seemed to just be off. They seemed to be diverging into two distinct paths for a split second before those paths combined into one to show her usual patterns. The trend seemed to happen at random and didn't happen all that often.
It would have probably been unnoticeable to most Doctors, since it wasn't necessarily something that they would see as concerning. But to him with her particular scans, he had seen these type of reading before. Though, for not the past few years at least.
It seems I was sort of right that her concussion wasn't the main cause of her random onset of transient amnesia. Though, it seems it's up in the air if that panic attack had anything to do with it either if what I'm speculating is correct, He thought, thinking back to last thing that Asher said before she had left.
["No, I think I'm alright. It's starting to get better or is at least not as sharp." Asher replied as she leaned off the wall. She looked over at Heaven Canceller from afar. "Doctor, are you done calibrating my Amps?"]
She may not have the best time at remembering things on occasion, but she usually doesn't forget an entire conversation that easily within a minute or two of it happening.
Meaning that other girl is probably behind this, though, it would still most likely be best to show Kiyama her results to get a second opinion.
If it's true, it seems for some reason or another, she doesn't want Asher or her other friends to know about her. While to some it may pose some concern, she doesn't seem to be wanting to cause much trouble, so I think I'll go along with the act for now.
Considering, she was probably the reason why Asher's ability didn't get too out of hand before we were able to snap her out of that sort of trance she was in if Kikyou's, Himari's, and even Mental Out's thoughts regarding her overall existence are correct.
Word Count of Chapter: 11308 |Page Count: 19 pages |Reviews: 204 | Followers: 109 |Favorites: 94
Funfact: I was actually going to have July 31st end within this chapter. Though, I didn't want to overwhelm you all too much with how heavy the chapter is already is. This means that, unsurprisingly, the end of the Big Spider Arc is most likely going to be pushed back another chapter (Chapter 44). I'm going to try my best to stick to it so we can finally get through both the Midsummer Festival and Poltergeist and into the Sisters' Arc hopefully in the next couple months.
Also, a reviewer requested for me to create some sort of list that has all of the ships the current "shipping bag" has. So, I went back through all of the reviews and posted a list under the CSG section on my profile that has all of the ones that I believe have been talked about before, rightfully titled: "The Shipping Bag." One thing I noticed when creating that list, is that there hasn't been any names created for Asher's ships, like for example Kamikoto for Misaka and Kamijou. I don't have many ideas for that at the moment, so I'm open to hear any ideas that you all may have.
Since it's going to be a small while before Chapter 43 is released, I'll leave you all with a question and my usual poll update:
If Heaven Canceller is right that Asher's alter ego, currently named Sky until the poll is finished, was responsible for Asher's not being able to remember what happened after the Capacity Down System was used, why do you think she did it, even though it would risk revealing to Misaka and even Asher that she has returned?
Now time for the update on the poll results: "Sora" still remains in the lead, but "Sky" climbed up in the ranks out of nowhere and is now tied with "Rehsa" for second place while "Ame" remains in third place.
You probably know the drill by now, but you still have time to participate if you want to. For those thinking of voting or who want to stay neutral, the results of the poll will be finalized sometime during the Poltergeist arc:)
Thanks for reading!
Review Replies
Guest10032: Yes, it's finally time to provide some context to Asher's alter ego (I'll say Sky as well, since that's the placeholder name I've given her). Funnily enough, Asher honestly didn't consider how she acted against that first Skill-Out guy as "losing her cool." She logically considered how she felt as "annoyed," not angry. Meaning that was all her in that moment, and Sky had nothing to do with it. Though, I will say that you were right for the other two instances of Sky appearing in some form that you mentioned.
Sky was the one who was in the driver seat when she was mumbling, so it's more the latter than the former. That line was sort of referenced within her dialogue with Misaki in this chapter (Chapter 42). Asher's amnesia regarding Kuroko (since Asher was fully back after Misaka snapped her out of her trance) was due to her face blindness. She has a mild form of it, though when she's very stressed out, it can act up to the point she can't connect information with someone else's face, even with someone she knows as much as Kuroko.
Another thing I'll say is that, yes, Asher and Sky can communicate mentally. It hasn't been seen all that much since Sky has only primarily been in the WaveInflux chapters. Though one example that has been seen so far, is that she was more or less responsible for causing Asher to snap during that time when Misaka was trying to talk her down before she was abducted by Silas during WaveInflux.
I won't share much on my plans regarding both Asher and Sky in the future, though I will keep what you said in mind regarding a potential agreement. Also, Saten, Uiharu, and Shirai do know that she developed a second personality after they read the WaveInflux records the evening of the day Asher and Misaka defeated Kiyama and AIM Burst.
Sky growing her own unintentional harem along with Asher is honestly kind of funny and interesting since I hadn't really thought of that. That could be the way that they beat Touma if half of the Sisters' aren't enough, lol. One thing I have sort thought on, however, is if Sky and Misaka Worst interacted with each other. Some parts of their personalities are similar and I think they would hit it off as friends pretty quickly to the misfortune of many.
Why is "Konori moping around wishing she was still a thug" both funny and so spot on? I think I missed it the first time when I read your review, and ended up laughing a little after reading it again now.
I won't say when Sky will fully return, but Big Spider and Poltergeist will develop her character more. I'm glad that you liked that I shifted focus from Konori to Asher for this arc. I'm going to still try and tie Konori's side of things into it. But I hope that with this version of the arc, at least some more characters will receive more "screen" time and chances to develop.
Homcomru: Thanks! I'm happy to hear that you're still enjoying this story. I also have complete faith in you that you'll succeed in Toaru Isekai no Material as well (a story that I've also been still enjoying to read when I can).
The Sisters' arc is something I'm looking forward to get to, though it's slightly nerve-wracking since it's a pretty important part not to mess up. I'll try my best to live up to the hype of that arc when we get there at some point in the near future.
LostNeko120: I know sad, but I thought this was probably the best arc to show how much sound affects her since that is one of her biggest weaknesses other than the instability of her mental state. Won't say much about Kenji, but let's just say that "Justice for Asher" could possibly happen.
Big Spider is most likely going to end within chapter 44 now after how long this chapter ended up becoming. It may be focused on Asher mostly right now, but I'm going to try to tie Konori's side of things in some way during chapter 43 and 44.
"Sora" has been the one in the lead probably since the start of the poll. Though "Rehsa" and now "Sky" are starting to catch up, so I guess only time will tell who will win with the Poltergeist Arc starting in a couple chapters.
You're welcome!
InsertWeirdUsernameHere: I get the salt regarding Capacity Down. The things that I've seen and heard that Misaka has done with her ability, does make it illogical to some degree. Though, I thought this was probably the best time to show how truly vulnerable Asher is when it comes to things like sound, and how much she hates that it does. I think that in the anime-only arcs, they nerf her for the reason that you described, but also maybe to give the others in the Railgang some way to help as well.
I'm pretty sure that if Capacity Down was used on Accelerator, it wouldn't work even after his brain-damage (well unless his electrode runs out of battery).
Not calling Asher "The Calamity" probably needs to be posted on the Urban Legend site that Saten uses. That would have probably at least saved some people from seeing the same exact side of her they were wanting to avoid/feared.
I have mixed feelings too on if it's a good or bad thing that Misaka will understand Asher better after Sisters. I think the reverse can be said as well since Asher would be put into the position that Misaka had been in for her during WaveInflux.
Huh, I wonder what happened to Misaka's friends if she had some before Shirai. I actually was under the impression that she didn't make any during that time. It's kind of sad that most people put her on a pedestal more than try to interact with her without it just being that she's the Level 5 Railgun. It shows another contrast/similarity between her and Asher, too, since their alienated by most of the people around them in different ways.
Ghost of Los Angeles: Now that I think about it, I see what you mean about Capacity Down being a plot hole. After Therestina had been caught and arrested, it mostly just disappeared from what I can remember.
Wow, those are all interesting ideas for how the Railgang can be brought into the Sisters' arc. I'll think about it. I won't say much about any of them in an effort to not spoil my plan for the start of the Sisters' Arc, but I will say that I have said before that Asher is actually going to find out about Sisters' around the same time Misaka does.
Even if it probably shows more so in the manga/light novels, I do remember seeing signs of Misaka having PTSD in the anime. It has been a while since I've watched the Silent Party Arc, but I don't think I noticed that Misaka hated the method she used to walk due to it reminding her of Accelerator. I'll keep what you said in mind since the Misaka of this story is probably going to be worse mentally in comparison to canon due to WaveInflux.
(I'm most likely going to adapt silent party by the way. Febrie's interactions with Asher is something I don't think I would be able to pass up, lol.)
Nice analysis over the characters, another helpful thing I'll keep in mind for this story. Though, I don't think I would have ever considered that Kuroko is probably the most mentally stable out of the group you have up there, something that I don't know makes me happy or worried. I thought it would have probably been Uiharu, but you're definitely right that she is pretty reckless at times when it comes to her own safety. The point about her possibly having another personality after the jailbreak arc is something that peeks my interest, too. Makes me wonder what caused that to happen since the anime hasn't adapted that arc yet.
Thank you! I'm happy to hear that you're still enjoying this story. Thanks for sharing your wonderful ideas:)
Bornkiller9: Ha, the Big Spider Arc was supposed to wrap up in Chapter 43, but I'm not too sure now from where I got in this chapter. This chapter was supposed to end July 31st, though after writing as much as I did, I decided to stop in hopes I wouldn't overwhelm you all too much with information.
I guess the timing for ending the Arc will just depend on how much I want to write with what I have planned in the next chapter. But if it's pushed back again, my goal is to have the arc finish in Chapter 44. It is a chapter or two over than I had originally planned, though I know for sure I won't make it as long as the Level Arc had been.
Thanks! I'm happy to hear that you've enjoyed how I've been doing the Big Spider Arc. "Sky" seems to have gained some popularity in the polls. From weeks of "Sora," "Rehsa," and "Ame" just being voted on, it was a small shock to see "Sky" gain 3 votes in just a day or two a few weeks ago. Right now, it's a pretty tight race between those 4 names.
TheHakd: So, right now I'm mostly using the Railgun anime as the source material for this story since I haven't really read any of the manga for Railgun or any of the light novels for Index. During the summer when I have more time, I'm probably going to catch up on both the manga and light novels since a couple reviewers recommended a site that I can use to do that.
Meaning if it comes to the point where I reach the jailbreaker arc before it gets adapted, I'm most likely going to switch to using the manga since it's pretty up in the air from what I can see on when another season of Railgun will happen. Could be next year or two or about as long as Railgun T which was about 7 years from Railgun S. It hopefully won't take me that long to get there, but with how much I write and adding Index into the mix, it'll probably be a long while before I even get to Daihaisei or Dreamranker.
A shipping bag list…
I should've probably added one by now for even me to track all the current potential ships that I have in mind, others have speculated, or said within their reviews, lol. At the time of this chapter update, I have a list on my profile now that has all the ships currently in the shipping bag:)
Blankow: It was hard for me to write Asher being beaten down like that towards the last part of the chapter. But Capacity Down always seemed like the best opportunity to show how vulnerable she can get when it comes to her weaknesses, with Chapter 42 showing how much she hates being put into such a positions.
Z sees her anger management as logical in comparison to some like Misaka since she at least tries to make sure the aftermath doesn't affect anyone around her. Though, her ways are probably illogical in the eyes of those who see said aftermath.
There was a reviewer (Ho4qin I think) who said that some of Asher abilities reminded them of Satoru Gojo from Jujutsu Kaisen. I also love Jujutsu Kaisen, so it's probably what inspired giving Asher the ability of being able to create her own space. And you're right that she hasn't shown everything that she has in her arsenal. She holds back even more than Misaka does, not wanting to expend more energy than it's worth or at least that what she says.
Misaka is more notably recognized from her ability, while Asher is recognized more so from her appearance. There aren't many people in Academy City (probably not any for that matter) that have both their highlights and eyes change colors in the way that hers do. So I thought that would maybe add to why Asher is recognized more with that in mind.
Asher's defense and Misaka's offense are two things I like to try my best to show, since it also connects to both of their personalities as well. They're the only level 5's (Misaki could probably be seen as an exception) who are actively around each other and actually like each other. Imagine if they were to go up against another Level 5 with the combined power of a great defense and offense.
I won't say much on "Justice for Z." But it's possible, though the question remains, who would be doing said Justice? I would probably want to be a Level 3 or 4 as well. You're powerful enough to defend yourself, but not too powerful to pin a target on your back.
Silas was just being Silas. Asher may have had precise control, but not over the power that he was wanting for himself, Redshift. That side of her ability is the most powerful in his eyes, since it has the most offensive capabilities in comparison to Blueshift. Meaning even though she had great control, she didn't have it in the one area that he wanted her to.
Okay, no permanent death chapter for Asher. Her background is depressing enough as it is, so I at least want to end it on a good note.
Hmmm, Index vs Z when it comes to chocolate cake? I don't think that's a battle I want to see as it might lead them both to having sugar comas for an eternity. Fun fact: Misaka doesn't even allow Asher to go near a candy shop without supervision.
Oooh, a potential end to the harem war. Asher does have several connection points between a lot of the characters. So, combining their harems into one big harem probably wouldn't be that bad.
I'll think about a Touma, Asher, Misaka, and maybe even Accelerator talk sometime after Sisters'. I have a lot of routes to explore it seems between Asher and Misaka discovering Touma's memory loss earlier and the chance that Shirai, Saten, and Uiharu learn about the Sisters' project. That doesn't even count the part involving Yomikawa's adoption reveal.
I checked into Misophonia just a bit, and you're right that Asher does have signs of having it. I'll look into it more to get a better idea of what it's about and use it better for future chapters.
JintoLin:
Chapter 40
Asher's walls are crumbling down by the day, where she can't even believe some of things she says regarding her own health.
I love how I'm making you like Misaki more, though lessening how much you can tolerate Kuroko. She's both cool during her more serious and friendship type moments, but then a handful when her perverse nature comes to play.
Ha, I can admit that I do get distracted, something that you all probably have noticed by now when I try to gauge when Arcs will end and begin. This chapter was actually supposed to end July 31st, but I ended up writing more than I thought I was going to. So, seeing Sisters' within the 40s may be a dream at this point. But I'm hoping that it will only be pushed into the early 50s.
Don't worry about a possible chapter involving a permanent death to Asher's character. Her background is depressing enough. I want her life to only go up from here (at least for right now anyway with Sisters' around the corner). But even with that, that's not an ending that I have in mind for the overall plot for this fic.
The energy drinks are adding into the anxiety that Asher has regarding whatever is overriding her senses. Her logic is that she's probably not going to get enough sleep no matter how hard she tries, meaning it would be more logical in her mind to lessen her exhaustion instead. She knows what it's like to not sleep for a long extended period of time, after she was recovering in the hospital after WaveInflux. She thinks she's used to it, even though it's again adding even more anxiety on top of how much she already has for the situation.
Thanks for your reviews!
-PurpleClover99