So I've been working with the Calamity Mod Manga server on this shitpost project Where The Guide (Guidan Ramsay) and Tyrant Yharim (THE COOKE) put on pink aprons, kill bosses, blowtorch them and call it 'cooking'. It's called 'Underworld's Kitchen' It's like 100% cringe, but check it out on imgur. Append the code below to imgur dot com
/a/IhBRtzk
Also that's how I imagine the Guide to look like lol, but then again, he's already in game, so there should be no surprises. One of these days I'll draw the Slayer and post a photo in similar fashion as above.
Armour:
Victide (Ranger)
Weapon: Mandible Bow (Jester Arrows); Arkhalis
Acc(11/11): Band of Regeneration, Amidas Spark, Sailfish Boots, Luxor's Gift, Ocean Crest, Amidas Pendant, Crown Jewel, Tsunami in a Bottle, Frog Leg, Aero Stone, Shield of the Ocean
Health: (400/400)
The Arms Dealer had seen his fair share of naked female bodies in his time, but none had ever elicited such a sense of outrage within him. What sort of monster could do this to such a lovely little lady?! The poor thing had been lying unconscious on The Nurse's kitchen table for the better part of the morning, and even after being treated and bandaged, still refused to wake.
I've never seen wounds like that… shit…
The Arms Dealer gritted his teeth and rested his elbows on his knees as he stared into The Nurse's living room's crackling fireplace. The entire house smelled a bit odd, as if there was some corrosive agent floating in the air. His nostrils stung, and he had to leave the room several times during the operation to clear his head and keep from losing his lunch.
*Srrrp… srrppp….*
"Ugh."
He winced at the squelching noises which emitted from the kitchen as bandages were stripped off. The Nurse was draining the woman's wounds again, and the smell of pus and venom was dreadful; it made his nostrils tingle. The first time she'd done it, both himself and The Guide had stayed to help - but eventually both of them were asked to 'get the fuck out of my fucking Clinic you fat bastards. I don't need you two bumbling around getting in my way!'
To be frank, both of them were quite happy to oblige. The Arms Dealer was having difficulty keeping his lunch down, and The Guide looked like he was having difficulty breathing. Eventually he locked himself in The Nurse's bathroom to try- and fail - to drown himself in the sink. Well, it sounded like that, at least. Obviously that guy has no stomach for this sort of thing…
The Arms Dealer pinched his nose and sighed. It was one thing for a lost person to wander their way into this prison - the same way he and The Demolitionist had - but for somebody so gravely injured they looked as if they could barely stand to do so? That was nearly impossible. The injured woman was in no state to travel. Considering the rate of The Crimson's spread, The Arms Dealer guessed the closest inhabited settlement was more than ten miles away! She would never make it ten miles…
How did she get here?
Strange. Strange. Not only was her arrival extremely suspicious, but the timing of it as well. The Arms Dealer had been awake until the wee hours of the morning waiting for The Slayer's return. In fact, he had only gotten a few hours of sleep before The Guide started pounding on The Nurse's front door and waking both of them with the pink-haired woman in his arms. What were the chances that this person just happened to appear in The Compound exactly when nobody was watching? No… this was no accident. There was only one person, entity awake in the compound last night.
The Monster Knight… could it be?
The clatter of heels against the kitchen's tile floor disturbed The Arms Dealer from his thoughts. He glanced up as The Nurse clacked her way into the room and plopped on the couch beside him. She leaned up against his shoulder and yawned, as cool and unruffled as ever. Clearly she was very used to dealing with gruesome injuries of all sorts. Still, her fierce eyebrows were furrowed in worry. Evidently, her patient wasn't doing as well as she'd hoped. The Arms Dealer couldn't help himself; he had to ask.
"Nurse, how is she? Is she going to live?"
She glanced at him and shrugged.
"Hm. Probably. The burns are bad. Chemical burns, but also hot - like she's been splashed in boiling acid or something. Hell, I've never heard of a torture method that uses boiling acid, but I'm guess some sick fuck thought it up and tested it on her. You don't exactly find pits of steaming neurotoxin in the wild."
The Arms Dealer blinked. An itch began in the back of his mind.
"Neurotoxin? Not just any poison, but specifically Neurotoxins?"
The Nurse knitted her fingers together and stretched her arms above her head. She answered absentmindedly; rattling off medical facts was like second nature to her.
"Yup. The bad stuff. Can paralyze you. Thankfully she only went untreated for an hour at most, so the damage isn't too bad. She should slowly regain her finer motor functions if she consistently drinks healing potions for a month or so… but that's not the main problem. She got splashed in fucking zombie guts last night, and the infection's fucking everywhere (etc...)"
As The Nurse ranted, The Arms Dealer furrowed his brow and recalled the previous night. Everybody knew one of the only places to find paralyzing venom was in an alchemist's lab, a snake's fangs or a spider's belly. There were no alchemists in a hundred square miles (The Capitol had a few, as did The Resistance). The venomous snakes all lived in the bottom of the ocean…
That left spiders.
Not just any spiders, the big ones. The ones that lived in dangerous colonies underground, possessing entire caverns and turning them into veritable deathtraps. The dreaded spider caves. Venturing out to harvest spider's venom was one of the most difficult and lucrative endeavors an adventurer could undertake. Nobody would waste such an amount by splashing it on somebody. Cost-wise, it was like splashing somebody in molten gold. Unless somebody could somehow multiply their resources, they would nev-...
Oh… oh shit…
The realization hit him like a truck. It all made sense now. The strange 'perfection' of this place's construction. Why everything looked so uncannily identical… it was because the resources had been multiplied. Duplicated. How obvious it was! Why didn't he figure it out sooner! His house was exactly identical to the five other houses in the compound, down to the very planks of wood. It was part of The Monster Knight's power. It had boiled spider guts last night in the cooking pot, extracted the venom, then multiplied and tested it on this poor woman before leaving her for dead at the front gate.
That piece of shit.
That was the only explanation. This woman… she had been captured by The Knight, and not just captured, but tortured as well. Why? For what purpose? He wasn't sure, but he didn't care either.
Sick fucker… I'll kill you.
The Guide clearly had no part in this. He was turning greenish just looking at the woman's wounds. That wasn't something you could fake. He was innocent… likely another victim - although he did appear to be comfortable about that Monster-man. Perhaps he was under a spell? Stockholm syndrome?
It didn't matter. They'd all be free soon.
Because The Arms Dealer had marked The Monster Knight's spawn point.
And Big Betty was sitting in the woods.
They were ready. They were waiting.
He… wasn't sure what he was doing.
That seemed to be his motto ever since crawling up from the spider caves with an ill fated plot hatching in his head. He'd thought long and hard about it, exercising parts of his brain he'd never accessed before. Still, it was an exceedingly difficult task for him. Although he'd spent several days with The Guide, he still didn't understand the man's behavior well enough to predict it. In fact, he didn't understand anyone's behavior. How did 'people' work?
...
Perhaps he should have taken the time to familiarize himself with the townspeople. Alas, he simply had to make do. If he wanted to kill Amidas without The Guide knowing, he needed to separate the two. It appeared that the only way to do so was to build the castle- which, he was just now finishing up. He had rationalized that if he filled the place with water, The Guide probably wouldn't move in with his precious King. Well… he certainly hoped not. If he did, then The Slayer's assassination plot (which as is, he wasn't sure if it'd work) went out the window, and he'd just resort to shooting the fish man.
... Fish die in a poisoned lake. The Guide will as well.
But things were already going awry. The Guide had come to say hello this morning, and immediately grew suspicious. How terrifying. Was he really that transparent? He had been doing his best to avoid the topic of 'Amidas' but The Guide pressed until he had to quite literally flee the conversation. None of The Slayer's distractions worked, including that strange, deathly smell that seemed to cling to The Guide. The Slayer was certain The Guide would at least be interested in that. But no...
He was read like an open book. How demoralizing.
He exhaled hard out of his nose and swiveled on his grappling hook as he mindlessly detailed the stone ceiling arches. He'd built a rather beautiful place. It wasn't out of any love for The Sea King, obviously, but he truly did enjoy building. It was calming. He felt useful. He got to stretch his underused imagination.
It'd be nice if The Guide (who thankfully stank a bit less) wasn't snooping around, trying to be inconspicuous. He was careful to remain out of sight, but The Slayer had spent so much time with the man, he could track his scent from ten miles away. Of course, The Slayer had his own secrets and wasn't eager to get his brain scoured (again) by his intellectual superior - so he pretended not to notice the man squatting behind one of the large pillars holding up the ceiling. Still, The Guide's presence was making him exceedingly nervous.
So nervous, he was almost startled by the rough scrape of scales on the castle's doorstep.
Arms Dealer: Guide, you're a pretty chill guy. I know you have Stockholm syndrome, but I'll protect you from the Monster Knight. Don't worry.
Guide: Excuse me, what?
Nurse: Stockholm syndrome? I thought they were real lovers.
G: WHAT?!
N: kevk
Nurse is such a fun character.
NOTES: So yeah, T isn't exactly sure if poisoning the water is gonna work, but he's gonna try it anyways. He has an infinite amount of spider venom 2) Arms Dealer is puttng the puzzle pieces together - and it's a pretty good puzzle. It's just wrong. lol. 3) btw, I mentioned that Arms Dealer is like a head taller than The Guide, and also a head taller than The Slayer. Guide and Slayer are like average dude height, which put's Arms Dealer at like 6 foot 8. He's massive - deffo a bit intimidating. 4) So we have 2 assasination plots in the works. smh. Merchant Faction - Slayer; Slayer - Amidas. Guide is in the middle of Arms Dealer, Slayer and Amidas. yeee. Boiling point soon. 5) Stylist will be okay :) Nurse is very good.
Thank youuu for your comments & Reviews. I promise imma use your skits once the content fits. I literally browse the reviews whenvever I need to write skits to see if anything fits in. unfortunately my pace hella slow :( Please give skits still. I love ur skits.
Cheerio!