Chapter 17- What Have I Done?

The rest of the week passed relatively quickly. Maman returned home the day before and was being very tight-lipped about what had happened. She did say it was safe again for Belle to visit Kara and Petite Famille, so that morning Belle packed up the borrowed books and rode off to Montiquent.

Her first stop was Onkle Levi's shop. She promised him she would return as soon as she could after bringing Edmund by. The bell on the door chimed as she walked into the well lit shop. It was so similar to the one he'd occupied in Villeneuve, only this one had even more shelves, and not all of them were filled with books. He had an entire section dedicated to enchanted objects, much like the magic mirror.

"Belle! I am so glad to see you." He wasted no time in coming to her and wrapping her in his frail arms. "How is my beautiful goddaughter today?" He beamed at her, pulling her into the room.

"I'm well, Oncle Levi. How have you fared through the turmoil that kept Maman here this past week?" she innocently inquired. If she was going to uncover the mystery, she hoped this was the best place to start. Her sweet godfather hadn't a knack for lying very well.

"Oh, I've done just fine." He bustled away, grabbing a stack of books on the counter, finding places for them among the shelves. Belle sighed at his expert deflection. "So what brings you here my dear?"

"Just a short visit. Nothing too lengthy, since my presence here is not as welcome as it once was." Her face betrayed her feelings, but luckily Levi's back was to her as he continued placing books back where they belonged. "I'm off to see Kara next. And then drop a few things off at the schoolhouse. I assumed with everything going on here, classes were temporarily suspended. But I have a new stack of primers that the students in Villeneuve finished, so I thought a few here might be ready for them."

"The school is still closed for the time being, so I'm afraid you won't find Kara there. She's been busy... elsewhere. How about you join me for tea instead? You can fill me in on how you've been occupying your time."

He opened the curtain that led to the stairs at the back of the shop. The stairs took them up to his small apartment, and he set about preparing the tea. Belle got down the cups and set the table as Levi laid out some fresh baguettes.

Beast was up and about for the first time since his enchantment lifted. He was in high spirits compared to how grouchy he'd been—being confined to that bed. Slowly, he was regaining his strength. The first time he'd seen himself in a mirror was shocking. He hardly recognized himself and nothing in his closet fit, so Lumière had employed the castle seamstress to make him a few new things until he regained his former size.

He kept to the West Wing, still too shaky on his feet to go very far; all the while being trailed by Kara, who kept insisting he come back to bed. She designated herself his personal nursemaid, despite his continued insistence that he did not require one any longer. But the witch refused to hear any of it.

The first few days were rough. While the enchantment no longer affected him, the fever lingered, causing him disturbing dreams and hallucinations. The worst was one of him throwing Belle out of the castle and telling her never to return. He'd woken from that vivid nightmare more than once, drenched in sweat and tears. It seemed so real, and the look of anguish across her beautiful face as she stood in front of their library haunted him even when he was awake.

No one had spoken to him about what happened while he was under the influence of magic. His own memories were spotty at best. He remembered arriving home and having many conversations with different subjects. The memories of assisting in building new homes and renovating existing structures blended together. He even remembered pieces of official council meetings. But everything between was a haze, and only one vivid memory contained Belle.

That in itself seemed strange to him. Why did he only have a small, brief memory of the two of them sitting on the bed in her room as he comforted her for a reason he couldn't recollect? It didn't make sense. He should have a wealth of memories with her; sharing meals, reading, making decisions about the kingdom, and most importantly, planning their wedding.

Feeling strong enough to broach the subject, Beast sat on the edge of the bed and looked at Kara. "Where's Belle?" he asked simply.

The question startled Kara, and she dropped the wooden cup of broth she'd been about to hand him. "She's probably in Villeneuve," she replied simply, taking a towel from his washbasin to mop up the spilled liquid.

His brow furrowed, and his blue eyes bore into hers. He knew she was being intentionally evasive. With a sigh, Kara took a seat next to him on the bed and took his hand in hers. His body stiffened, knowing that whatever she was about to tell him, he wasn't going to like.

"How much do you remember from the last two months?" she started gently, her other hand coming to rest on top of the paw she held.

"Just bits and pieces. Small moments with subjects, or Tobias, or the council. And only one with Belle. Has she not been here? Is she alright?" Concern started to rise while he worked to keep panic at bay.

"She's fine. Or at least, she's in excellent health. Her mental state I can't be sure of since it's been over a week since I last saw her." Kara paused, her eyes trailing down to where she held his paw. "Something... rather distressing happened later that day."

"What happened?" he pleaded. The suspense was going to rip him apart.

"You…" She paused again, trying to figure out the best way to tell him. "Let me start with what happened when you first arrived back."

He gave her a scowl but didn't interrupt. "The day after your return, you placed restrictions on the human's ability to visit here, and an outright ban on them living here. You had reasonable cause, since you discovered a slew of charmantes were extremely fearful of humans, and several of them had very limited control over their magic. You feared someone would be accidentally harmed, including Belle. She took the news hard, but not without understanding and support. She and her family returned to their cottage in Villeneuve. Her time away was spent with a new friend; a very kind teacher who allowed her to join him in instructing the village children. He helped me and Belle establish Petite Famille—our school here."

"Edmund. Yes, I believe I remember seeing him and Belle… in the library?" His mind felt fuzzy as he tried to force the small pieces of memory back together. It was like having a ripped portrait, and he needed to mend it back together. Confused, he continued, "But that, that was part of my nightmare…"

Concern flashed in her eyes as she asked, "What nightmare?"

Crushing realization squeezed the air out of his lungs as his stomach clenched. Had that not been just a terrible dream? His eyes widened, and he sprung to his feet, pacing the floor. "What did I do, Kara?"

"So you do remember?" she whispered, more a thought to herself than an actual response to his question.

"I didn't… I couldn't…" The desperation and panic in his voice was palatable. "Kara, please tell me I'm wrong. Tell me I didn't break her heart... Please." He searched her eyes, hoping against hope that he was wrong. That the nightmare he had been beating back wasn't an actual memory.

Her eyes brimmed with tears, and she just shook her head.

His body went numb, and he slumped into a pile on the floor. Paws covered his face as a soft roar of anguish and pain so quiet escaped his lips while tears came streaming down. "What have I done?"

Kara flew across the room, wrapping her arms around him, making shushing noises, and stroking his mane, trying to give him comfort. Words of reassurance that all could be fixed caught in her throat as his pain poured out in silent sobs, and she couldn't stop her own tears from falling in empathy. His body shuddered, and he turned towards her, grabbing hold of her as if his life depended upon it. The embrace would have been too tight had his strength not been so weakened. Her dress was soon stained with his tears, and his shirt with hers.

"I have to see her. I have to explain to her what happened. I need to fix this." He jumped to his feet, but the movement was too quick and his energy too depleted. Staggering into the dresser, he leaned on it for support.

Kara grumbled under her breath, chastising herself for divulging too much too soon. "You will. But right now you need to rest. I was afraid it was too soon into your recovery to tell you all of this."

"No, Kara, I needed to know." She helped him get back into bed and drew the covers up over him.

His voice regained some of its former gusto, and it carried out the door and down the hall. "Tomorrow I will start undoing the damage I've caused. Starting with that ridiculous ban. This kingdom only works if everyone is welcome here. Human and charmante alike. If that requires a little extra attentiveness from the guard to ensure everyone's safety, then that's what we'll do."

Belle slipped in quietly through the double doors off the smaller parlor, coming in from the rose garden on the east side of the castle. It wasn't far from the library, and she clutched the borrowed books to her chest. Glancing around like some common thief, she darted behind the door that opened into the hallway. She had spent a lovely afternoon with her godfather, and after leaving him came straight here.

Once she established that none of the servants were about in this section of the castle, she crept out from behind the door and silently made her way to the library. She entered from the opposite end of the room from where she brought Edmund in, intentionally avoiding having to walk past the Beast's study. Setting her load down on a table, she allowed herself a few moments to take in the splendor of the room one last time. If things remained as they were, then this was likely the last time she would ever be in this special place.

Running her hands across the spines of the precious stories, she recalled the stressful evenings spent trying to unravel the mystery of her mother's disappearance, and the relaxing ones where she would read to her Beast in front of the fireplace before they left on their adventure. For a moment what could have been played behind her closed eyes. The evenings they would have spent completing the organization of the shelves, sharing the magnificent collection with their friends, with their subjects. She'd give anything for just one more moment with him here. A few tears slipped down her cheeks and her heart wrenched in her chest.

"Goodbye." With a sigh, she wiped her cheeks and crept back out into the hallway. She heard voices coming from the direction she had entered, so she switched course, risking the chance she could bump into the Beast outside his study. Keeping close to the wall, she skirted around the bend and past the open study door. It was empty. She noted that at this time of day it was strange for him not to be there, but she pushed that aside, needing to make a decision on how to make her getaway.

Walking backwards, keeping a close ear to the voices that weren't far behind her, she felt herself bump into somebody.

The man looked as startled as she was—as if he wasn't supposed to be there either. They gave a mutual look of distress before bolting in opposite directions. He fled out the front door as she raced into the music room and out onto the balcony. Quickly, she lowered herself into the bushes below before joining up with Lisette and galloping home.