THIS IS NOT THE SEQUEL COMING!
I need to say that loud and proud now because you deserve to know. I don't expect the sequel will be up before autumn. It's my next project to do when I've finished my Marvel series, but I've still got a lot to do on that one. If you read this, it's a one-off, and there's still going to be a wait for more.
That said…
This was going to be the first chapter of the sequel. I'm posting it today as a bonus for To Love A Phoenix as today is the 10th Anniversary of my first ever fanfic being posted — it was a collab piece with Snarkymuch. Since that first taste of fanfic a decade ago, I've not stopped. I've written nearly 80 stories and published over 5.1 million words. Some of you have been with me since that very first story, and some of you have joined me on the way. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to each and every one of you for making this decade special.
The scene is the immediate aftermath of Chapter 40 of To Love A Phoenix.
Grief and Goodbye
Edward
"Carlisle," Alice asked tentatively. "What do you want to do? We can't leave her like this. We need to… make arrangements. There are things we need to do for her."
Carlisle raised his head and stared at her blankly, then looked down at Bella again.
Alice's face fell, and she looked at me. What do we do?
I hated that I was the one she was asking, that I had been appointed the one to make these decisions, but someone had to do it, and Carlisle was incapable.
"We can't do it officially," I said, addressing my words to Carlisle. "If they were to investigate, we have no idea what they'd find. The venom could have created changes already. I know she was a Christian, Carlisle, but we need to do this for her ourselves."
Carlisle gave a soft sigh and said, "I… understand."
"I'll get her ready," Alice said. "Is there anything special you'd like her to wear?"
Carlisle started to shake his head, and then he said, "The blue gown."
He stroked Bella's cheek and then stood and went to the closet where Bella's clothes had been hung. He slid the hangers along the rails and came to a black garment bag, which he unzipped and then hugged to his chest with his eyes squeezed closed.
"This."
Alice held out a hand for it, and Carlisle hesitated before handing it over. She took it out of the bag and held it up to the light. "It's perfect," she said. "Really beautiful."
"She wore it the night we were supposed to go to the opera. It was the dress she wore when she remembered me."
Alice smiled sadly. "Then it really is perfect."
Carlisle went to the window and stared out. "I think I'd like to put her to rest under the sun," he said. "She belonged in the sun. It was me trying to take her away from it that killed her."
"No," I said. "You were trying to save her. It was the curse that killed her. I don't think she could ever have been a vampire and a Phoenix."
I wasn't wholly sure of that, but I wanted to take the blame from Carlisle's shoulders. If he thought it was impossible that she could not have been one of us, he wouldn't believe it was his venom that killed her.
"I'll dig the…" grave… he added in his tortured thoughts.
"No, we'll do it. You stay and help Alice. Jasper and Emmett can get what we need to bury her."
"A coffin," he stated without inflection. "I have to put her in a coffin and bury her in the ground. I have to put her there, and I'll never see her again." He shook his head. "I don't want a coffin built by a stranger. Will Emmett do it?"
Yes. Emmett's thought came from below. I can do it for him. God, I'll do anything.
"He said he'll do it," I said.
Carlisle moved to the dressing table and picked up the wooden comb that was resting on a silk cushion. He handed it to me and raised his voice, though Emmett would have heard him perfectly below if he was listening, which he clearly was. "I would like the design of the flowers on it. It's all Bella and I had left of our time together before… apart from our memories… and it's right that it is close to her now."
"I'll take it to him," I said.
He held the comb to his lips, pressed a kiss to it, and then handed it to me. I placed my hand on his shoulder and gave it a brief squeeze, and then slipped out of the room and went down to the living room where the rest of my family, excepting Jasper, who had not been able to bear the pain he was feeling in Carlisle, were gathered on the couches. They all bore similar looks of misery, and their eyes followed me as I entered.
Emmett rose to his feet and held out a hand. I gave him the comb, and he examined it. "Yeah," he said. "I can definitely use the design. I'll need to go back to our place to get the stuff we need. I don't have any tools here."
"Use a tree from the forest," I said. "It's a piece of what should have been their home."
"Okay," he said. "I'll take Jazz with me."
That was a good idea. Jasper was close to the house, I could hear his thoughts, and I knew that even at a distance, he was struggling with what he could feel. It was bad enough for me with the thoughts I could hear, but I was able to hold them at a distance as much as I could, to give myself space. Jasper had no such ability. He felt what we felt when he was close, and those emotions became his own.
Emmett kissed Rosalie's cheek then called to Jasper. I heard him explain that they were going to take Rosalie's car back and return in his Jeep as he would have space in the trunk for his tools, and the upholstery wouldn't be damaged.
Upstairs, I heard water running and knew Alice and Carlisle were preparing to wash Bella. The thought of it, the fact that they were going to clean her body and then dress her in the clothes she would spend eternity in, made a pain grow in my chest.
I had never felt pain like this. I had lost my parents, but that loss had been muffled in the days of my newborn madness, the struggle I'd had with my thirst and the expansion of my gift, so it hadn't grieved me too much. And I'd had Carlisle. But we'd lost Bella, my father's reason for being, the person that had brought heaven to my family.
Heaven… Was that where Bella was? She had barely started the change when she died. There was no time for her soul to be lost. She must be at peace now. At least I hoped so.
One thing I was sure of was that peace had abandoned my father forever now.
He was never going to be the same.
Edward
Emmett shaved one last curl of wood away from the panel he'd set into the side of the coffin and ran a hand over it. "I think it's done."
"It's perfect," I said. "Carlisle will…"
I was going to say love it, but that was the wrong word. There was nothing Carlisle could love about the box that Bella would be buried in, but Emmett's craft had made something beautiful and a fitting tribute to their bond. The same flowers from the comb were carved into the wood at the sides and top, and though the wood was unvarnished, it had a sheen created by Emmett's perfect sanding and polishing.
Emmett drew a shaky breath and spoke in a low voice. "It's not my first coffin. I built the one my grandpa was buried in, too, but that was a plain thing, and I put no love into it like I have this. That's all that's left now, isn't it, love?"
"It is," I said.
Emmett ducked his head and spoke in his thoughts, I loved her, you know. I didn't even have a chance to get to know her properly, we didn't have time, but I loved her for what she did for us.
"I did, too," I murmured. "She was a special person."
He smiled slightly. "Unique."
I nodded and placed my hand on his arm.
He drew a shaky breath and said, "Jasper's got the grave ready. Do you think we should do it now?"
"If Carlisle is ready," I said. "We can't rush him on this. He needs to do it in his own time. This is the end for him."
His head shot up. "The end?" Is he going to… He swallowed. Does he want to die?
"I don't know. He's not thinking of it directly."
If it was Rose… I don't think I could live without her, Edward, but I don't know how any of us could without Carlisle. He's more than just our father. He's the one that made this family for us. Without him… He gave a small moan. Rosie would…
"I know," I said. "But there is nothing sure yet. And no way he can do it without help. None of us would ever help him to die, and I don't believe anyone else would."
He raised an eyebrow. Jazz?
When my face showed my shock, he rushed on aloud. "I don't mean because he's angry at him for the Volturi thing, but because he can feel how bad it is for him. He might think it's the right thing to do.
"I won't let him," I growled.
Footsteps approached, and we both fell silent and turned as Jasper came into the garage carrying a dirty shovel. He set it down in the corner and said, "You don't need to look at me like that. I heard what you were saying. I won't do it either. Not because I don't think it's better for him, but because Alice would never forgive me for it." He started me in the eye. "But with what he's feeling now, it would be the right thing to do."
Emmett shook his head jerkily. "That's never the right thing."
Jasper shrugged. "I can see why you'd think that since you don't have the insight me and Edward have, but you're wrong. Some pains are too much to bear."
Emmett turned away, unwilling to accept Jasper's words, but I couldn't deny the truth of what he'd said. Even though I was doing my best to shield myself from it, selfishly, I knew the pain Carlisle was in and that death would be a mercy. But I was a truly selfish person. I loved my father and would never be able to do that for him. Because I could not face even an iota of the pain he was in as I would feel if he was to die. I would not help him.
I heard movement in the house, and then Alice called to us from the porch. We filed out to her, and Jasper went straight to her side to hug her.
"It's ready?" she said.
Emmett nodded. "Yeah."
"Bring it inside. I think Carlisle is almost ready, too."
Emmett went back into the garage and came out with the coffin. Alice gave it an approving nod and led him into the house, and directed him to place it on the long coffee table in front of the couch.
"Edward, will you…?" she started.
Knowing what she was asking, I went up the stairs and into the bedroom, where Carlisle was sitting on the edge of the bed, holding Bella's hand. She was clothed in the dress now, and someone had combed her hair into long waves that lay over her shoulders, framing her face.
"It's time, Carlisle," I said and then cursed myself internally for the choice of words.
For Carlisle, it would never be time. But there was truth to what I said. We could only leave Bella lying like this for so long before the situation became unpleasant, a travesty to the woman she'd been. She needed to be placed at rest before her body began to change too much.
Surprising me, Carlisle nodded and said, "I know."
He kissed Bella's cheek and then lifted her into his arms and cradled her against his chest. I went ahead out of the room and down the stairs to the living room where Esme was smoothing the fleece blanket she'd lined the coffin with, and Alice was setting a throw pillow at the end for Bella's head to rest.
It was right that these small parts of her home were going with her into the ground. The pillow and blanket were some of those that had been shipped from Forks to their new home. They were part of their life together there.
Carlisle came in behind me and paused as his eyes took in the coffin, and then he said, "Thank you, Emmett," with fervency.
He held Bella closer to him for a moment and then walked forward, us all moving away to give him space, and placed her body in the coffin. He took another blanket from the back of the couch and covered her in it, tucking it around her chin as if he was settling her for a night's rest.
Emmett took the lid and said, "Do you want me to?"
"No," Carlisle said. "I can do it."
Emmett held out the hammer and nails from the tool belt he was wearing, and Carlisle took them.
"Can you wait outside?" Carlisle asked.
With murmurs of ascent and soft touches to his back and hands, we all went outside and waited by the freshly dug grave. Jasper had prepared a spot beside it with long ropes that we could use to lower the coffin into the grave, and I placed myself beside them and waited.
Inside the house, I could hear Carlisle's voice speaking softly to Bella as he hammered in the nails, and I tuned out the words and focused on the ambient sounds of the forest.
After a long wait, Carlisle called to me, and I went inside to find him standing at the end of the now tightly sealed coffin.
"Can you help, son?" he asked.
I nodded and took the end of the coffin. He lifted the other, and I backed out of the house with it held between us. We got outside and placed it on the ropes Jasper had prepared, and then I moved back as Carlisle knelt beside it, pressed a kiss to his hand, and then placed it over the engraved flowers on the top of the coffin.
We gave him time to come to it in his own time, and when he did, picking up the rope at one end, Jasper, Emmett, and I took the others, and we lifted the last of Bella slowly and positioned ourselves around the grave. At Carlisle's nod, we all slowly fed the ropes through our hands, lowering her into the ground.
When it was done, when she was settled, Rosalie asked, "Would you like me to say a prayer, Carlisle?"
A dark look came over Carlisle's face, and he said, "No!" brutally. "No god Bella or I believed in would have allowed this to happen. There is no need for anyone to speak on our behalf."
"Is there anything else you'd like?" Esme asked softly.
Carlisle shook his head, but his mind spoke a poem as he stared down at the coffin. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach when feeling out of sight. For the ends of Being and ideal Grace, I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; I love thee purely, as they turn from praise. I love thee with the passion put to use In my old griefs…
He stopped with a sob, and I finished the line for him, "And with my childhood's faith."
Carlisle nodded and lifted his face to the light that was shining between the low clouds. It lit Bella's grave, too, just as Carlisle had wished.
He had laid her to rest under the sun, where she belonged, and it was there she would remain.