Sherry returned to the table with the two lattes and put them down with a warm smile.
"Thanks," Jeannie looked up, nodding softly. She was having a hard time finding her own smile and Sherry frowned as she sat. She knew what the younger woman was going through, that there was going to be a reluctance to open up about what she was feeling, what she was holding onto inside with almost a death grip. She sat back and watched as Jeannie stirred a couple of sugar cubes into her latte, the movement slow and deliberate. Reaching for a couple of cubes in the large white bowl herself, she dropped them into the cup and picked up her spoon.
"Well, you've been the one doing all the talking so far," she said lightly, "so I guess it's my turn." Jeannie's head came up, her brow furrowing. "I told you earlier that a couple of years ago Steve saved me from being… sexually assaulted…. Well, that isn't the complete truth. I was almost raped, yes… but I was also almost murdered. If Steve hadn't shot the man who went after me, I wouldn't be here today, I'm sure of that."
Jeannie, who had been staring at her without moving, swallowed heavily. "What happened?" she asked quietly.
Sherry smiled softly; this was playing out exactly as she had hoped. She finished stirring her latte and put the spoon down deliberately before she answered. "Well, someone had been raping women and my best friend, who also happened to be a cop, was posing as… well, bait, I guess you could say." Her gaze was suddenly far away.
"And she was killed?"
Sherry nodded. "Not on duty. Unfortunately, her killer followed her home from the grocery store they were staking out and, well, it seems he helped her in with her groceries and… and he attacked her." She paused and looked away briefly. "Anyway, um, long story short, I wormed my way into the investigation - which Steve and your dad were heading up - and, together, we figured out who the guy was. But, unknown to all of us, he had broken into my new apartment and, after Steve dropped me off one night, he attacked me. He'd, ah, he'd been hiding, believe it or not, in my bathtub, which was half-filled with water because I was soaking some sweaters." She shook her head with a low, mirthless laugh.
"I fought him off as best I could, with my training, but he was young and stronger than me, and he got my gun away from me… but he didn't use it. He threw me on the bed and pocketed my gun… and that's when Steve came to my rescue…" Her eyes were unfocused and a soft smile spread over her features. "He'd seen the car in the parking lot." Her awe was still evident in the simple statement, even after so much time. Shaking her head in wonder, she met Jeannie's eyes. "Steve had to shoot him when he went for the gun in his pocket, but he didn't kill him. He'll be locked up for a very long time, thank god."
She picked up her cup of coffee, took a large sip, returned it to the saucer then reached across the table and laid her right hand on Jeannie's forearm.
"He didn't do to me what that bastard did to you because Steve stopped him, but I have no doubt in my mind that not only would he have raped me, he would have killed me. He targeted me, because he had gone to my friend's funeral and he had seen me there. He even knew I was a cop but that didn't stop him. But I knew that he went after me not because he was infatuated with me, Sherry Reese or because he knew who I was as a person and he liked me. He went after me because I was a female, I was a warm body with a vagina."
Jeannie's head went back slightly as she flinched. She had never heard another woman use the word like that before.
Sherry smiled with a head shake. "That's all I was to him, really. I mean he knew my name and he knew where I lived and things like that, but I was just a body to him, another notch on his belt. And I wasn't going to let him do that, no matter what I had to do, even if I had to die trying. Luckily, it didn't come to that - thanks to Steve."
She squeezed Jeannie's arm again. "I was spared what he did to you, sweetie, and I don't know what it felt like, not really… but I know how it feels to be just a body and not a person. Now I'm not a saint; I had a rough… youth, you could say. I didn't get along with my parents and lived on the streets for awhile… and I was into drugs… but I never sold my body, I never compromised who I was, not even when things got really rough… before a, a 'good samaritan' took me under her wing and turned my life around."
"But until that… that rapist attacked me in my own home, I had never been afraid just to be a woman. And that's what he did to me that night. He hadn't really attacked me, Sherry Reese. He attacked what I represented, he attacked me because I was a woman. He hated me just because I was a woman. And that scared me." She smiled sadly. "Is that how he made you feel?"
Jeannie had lowered her head slightly, and now she looked at the young cop from under her lowered brow. After a long, unmoving best, she nodded softly.
Sherry nodded back with a knowing smile. "You said he didn't get to… finish, because your dad kicked the door in… is that right?"
Jeannie nodded again.
"Your knight in shining armour… just like Steve had been for me."
Jeannie's bottom lip began to twitch and tears sprang to her eyes. Biting both lips to stop the trembling, her nodding increased and she inhaled sharply through her nose. Sherry's smile got wider.
"That's what you have to hang on to, honey," she said softly, increasing the pressure on the young woman's arm. "What you've gone through could have been so much worse if your dad had been even a minute later… but he wasn't. And yes, you've been assaulted… but you haven't been raped. And that's a good thing, even though it doesn't seem like it to you right now."
Sherry stared into Jeannie's tear-filled eyes and nodded. Then she released Jeannie's arm and sat back. "I want you to do me a favor. And I want you to think about this before you respond." She took a deep breath. "I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you'll get over this eventually. It will just become a memory… but whether it becomes a bad memory, that colors the rest of your life and makes you miserable and angry and afraid… or it becomes something that you rise above… is all up to you. Nobody can make that decision for you - not me, not your dad, not Steve, or your girlfriends - only you.
"So you have to decide: am I going to let this change who I am, turn me into a person that's frightened and bitter and maybe even withdrawn… or am I going to put this behind me, realize how lucky I was to have escaped, and live my life the way I want to, the way I was always meant to live it, as a strong and confident woman?"
Sherry leaned even closer and though her voice became softer, the intensity of her stare and her words somehow increased.
"You can't let the sick little bastard define who you are right now and who you will become. You're bigger and stronger than that, just like I was with that little creep that tried to rape me. You survived him… so you can't let him win now, after the fact. Because if you give in to the fear and the anger that I know you're feeling right now, then he wins, even if he really didn't."
She sat back slightly and took a beat. "You know, I have a feeling your father is suffering about what happened to you just as much as you are."
Jeannie frowned and her eyes widened slightly but she didn't say anything.
Sherry nodded slightly and briefly closed her eyes. "I know the kind of man your father is… how much he loves you and how much he feels responsible for everything that happens to you or about you. The good fathers are like that. You're lucky…mine wasn't." She smiled wistfully and looked away then she chuckled mirthlessly. "I bet you deep inside, where he hides it so you can't see it, he's angry and disappointed with himself for allowing you to be brutalized like that." Jeannie's face began to crumble slightly and Sherry took her hands again. "I'm sure he feels guilty… and he doesn't want you to see that. He doesn't want you to feel guilty about what he's going through so he's hiding it… but I bet he's hurting… just as much as you are…"
Jeannie's lips began to tremble again and this time the tears, which had been brimming on her lids, began to slowly trickle down her cheeks. Sherry squeezed her hands and smiled understandingly.
"Jeannie, it is so important to so many people that you fight your way through this… horrible chapter in your life, that you deal with in a way that makes you stronger, and that you don't let it change you or shape the life you have yet to live. You can't let that happen… because it's not only you that will suffer, so will all the people who love you… and especially your father. You can't let that happen to you and you can't let that happen to him. You're so much stronger than that."
Sherry's smile widened and she shook Jeannie's hands. "Now I'm not going to tell you that you got off lucky because he didn't get to finish what he started. What he did to you was horrific and it should never have happened, and it's just as disgusting and devastating as if he had… but he's gone, for good, and you're still here and you have your whole life ahead of you, you really do. Don't let him win."
Jeannie was staring at her without expression, the tears continuing to slowly trickle down her already wet cheeks.
Sherry leaned forward till they were almost forehead to forehead. "If you can't do it for yourself, then do it for your dad." She stared at the younger woman for several long beats, a slight smile touching her lips, staring into the red-rimmed blue eyes. "What'd'ya say?" she asked with a soft and gentle chuckle. "Will you think about it?"
Jeannie continued to stare at her for a long beat then very slowly she began to nod. She still wasn't able to smile, but the tentative confirmation was enough, for now, for the young Vice cop.
"That's my girl," Sherry said happily, her smile getting bigger. She squeezed Jeannie's hands then let them go and sat back. After a beat, her eyes drifted to the two large white cups of coffee. "Well," she said with a self-deprecating chuckle, "I talked so long our lattes got cold." She met Jeannie's still teary eyes. "I'm just going to have to do something about that." She got up quickly, reaching for the two saucers.
Jeannie seemed to come to life. She reached out and put a hand on Sherry's wrist as the older woman took her cup. "No… no, it's okay, really…"
Sherry stopped mid-move and stared at her with a cocky smile. "Oh, honey, we're not done yet. I mean, I think we're done talking about… what we talked about. Now I want to talk gossip, girl!" She chuckled wickedly as she pulled her hand out from under Jeannie's grip and picked up the cold latte. "When I get back, I want you to tell me all you know about who a certain Homicide inspector is seeing right now… you get my drift…?" With a lascivious wink, she turned away from the table and strutted self-confidently to the counter.
With a mixture of awe and gratitude, Jeannie watched her go.