Esme sent the others away to hunt so I could have some quiet. Her thoughts are filled with concern for me, though I doubt she should bother.
She came to my room and asked if she could sit with me. She stroked my hair and removed the barnacles that had adhered themselves inside of my ears during my time on the ocean floor. Their absence means I am more alone than ever now.
I still will not speak. There is nothing to be said.
At least Esme is not pushing me. The others' thoughts are louder than ever, or perhaps I merely am too tired to block them out as I did before. They are brimming with noisy opinions of how I should apologise to them, mend my ways and resolve myself to be a better brother and son.
Surely if I were to apologise to anyone it should be to her? But how can I? The shame is too profound. And I still feel that I could not really have behaved any other way when so overwhelmed by a love and desire so all-encompassing.
How could I confess my actions? How could she ever understand that it is my hideous nature to be drawn to her scent, her heartbeat, her presence? She would be right to fear me, to be repulsed and to insist I were never in her presence again. Even if it were the right thing to do, I am too selfish and diabolical to resist her.
Even if I have behaved like a rat scavenging her detritus, stalked her like a spider and craved her carnally like filthy flies furiously copulating upon rotting meat, are these actions not inherent in my very nature? I am after all the worst kind of monster, infernal, soulless and condemned. I am predatory. I am parasitic. I am despicable and bestial. It is what I am and sadly no amount of hair stroking from Esme shall alter that fact.
What comfort could there possibly be aside from an end in Volterra which my family seem determined to deny me of?
Esme said "I'm glad you are here", but I am not. I wish to be nowhere.
A/N: Please leave a review! Poor Edward needs a hug. What will he do next?
Just a reminder that Edward cannot continue being so atrocious to everyone indefinitely. It is time he ate some humble pie. He will come back to you in his trademark Bonerward/Prudeward style, but he needs to have a difficult adolescence first. Thanks for bearing with him.
I plan on uploading the chapters without comedy in batches so that those who are here for the laughs aren't too alienated by the tonal change and can whizz through them. I sincerely hope you will fall in love with him on the other side of all of this. The only way out is through.
Thanks to the creative, kind and funny wh1teow1 for being the best beta for this story please show some love and read Moirai, a reimagining of Twilight for the new decade!