Chapter Forty-Three: One Last Breath
The atmosphere in the room finally calmed down after the two canines pulled away from their embrace. Kachi's heart fluttered with every shaky breath he took, his cheeks still hot from the emotional high he had yet to descend from. In those moments, he found himself unable to look the wolf next to him in the eye.
For the following few minutes, the family observed Natalie as she enjoyed the gifts she'd unwrapped minutes prior. She then thanked them, going around handing out hugs to each of them. Surprising everyone, Natalie had even given one to both Kachi and Legosi, despite having not gotten her anything.
As his little sister wrapped her small arms around his waist, Kachi sighed, returning the hug with a gentle one of his own. Having been convinced that he'd scarred her with his act of terror, it was a welcome feeling, even if they were never really that close to begin with.
The second round of cleanup began shortly afterwards, though at a much smaller scale. What little wrapping paper there was had been quickly rounded up and promptly discarded into the proper bin.
While the family continued their idle chatter and while Kachi was sitting silently next to him, Legosi continued to glance down at the chain that had been hanging from his neck for the past half-hour. It was no longer cold against his skin, and it caught his eye every time he tilted his head downward even slightly.
Slowly, Legosi lifted a hand to the chain, its links shimmering and reflecting light in all directions as it hung loosely in his grip. Though the section against his neck had warmed from the contact with his body, the rest was still as cold as it was when he first touched it. Little shivers passed through his body before he allowed it to fall again, the faint sound of the links colliding with one another audible to him.
Legosi then turned his head to the right, catching an eyeful of Kachi for the first time since they sat back down. The canine had taken an interest in the ceiling as he stared into it with a blank expression, though a slight smile could be found at the corners of his lips. The wolf clasped his hands together as he directed his gaze to the floor.
Do I thank him? Or do I just say nothing…wait, what kind of question is that? Of course you thank him! Did you listen to a word he said?
As other conversations continued within the home, Legosi switched his grip to his thighs as he took a breath in, looking back toward the canine once more. He hadn't budged from his previous position, somewhat aiding him in getting the words out.
"Ah, hey, Kachi?" he said slowly.
At the sound of his name, Kachi blinked a few times, gradually turning his focus from the ceiling above to the wolf next to him. "Yeah?"
Legosi stared into blue eyes across from him. "Uh, thanks for getting me this chain, you…really didn't have to get me anything at all…" The wolf's voice trailed off as he glanced down toward his shirt, the silver chain hanging just within view.
Kachi chuckled, shaking his head. "Nah, it's fine. I wanted to. I like seeing you happy."
His comment caused Legosi's heart to skip a beat, a light gasp escaping his lips. His jaw hung open as he fumbled for what to say, defaulting to fiddling with the chain around his neck. After a few seconds of thought, he looked back to Kachi.
"I like seeing you happy too," he replied softly. Kachi shot him a toothy grin before turning his attention to the family gathered across the room.
"I know. I'll do better." All warmth was pulled from the wolf as he processed Kachi's cryptic response. He looked to the floor, utterly baffled at the canine's choice of words. He sat for a moment, trying to find a meaning to them, and after a moment longer, he conceded.
Before Legosi could even begin to ask for clarification, he looked back up to Kachi to see his attention had been captured by something, or rather someone, else. From his seat on the couch, Legosi noticed that Kachi was staring directly toward his mother, who was busy with her phone in that moment.
His concentration was intense, and he rested his head upon his hands with a grimace spread across his face. His ears were folded down and his tail swished lazily behind him against the fabric of the couch. He was waiting, but for what? Legosi could only guess as Rae-Anne shoved her phone back into her pocket.
Kachi watched as his mother returned her phone to the pocket of her sweater. She'd been scrolling for the better part of ten minutes, a conservative estimate given his attention was taken from her by Legosi, as well as being distracted by counting the divots in the popcorn ceiling.
Rae-Anne pulled her gaze from her floor as her hands remained in her pockets. Kachi continued to watch as she surveyed the room, a displeased expression plastered across her face. Though difficult to tell at distance, he could swear he could see the vixen's upper lip twitch as she gritted her teeth.
Moments later, their eyes met. Kachi didn't even bother to hide the fact he'd been watching; it didn't matter. As he continued to stare, his mother's green gaze pierced straight through him. Kachi sent an icy one right back at her, intensifying the sudden staring contest twofold. As it seemed one of them was about to approach the other, a voice rang throughout the living room.
"Well, uh, I think we're gonna get going now, it's almost eight o'clock," stated Kim, stretching his back as he started toward the door.
As he walked past Rae-Anne, Sarah came up from behind to join him. Rae-Anne's angry expression dissipated as she followed them both to the door. "Alright, well, I hope you had a good time."
"Yes, it was nice seeing you after so long. Drive safe!" piped Irene from the living room. The two foxes put on their coats and shoes, turning to face the family one last time.
"We will. Happy Holidays!" replied Sarah as Kim twisted the door handle. Everyone watched as they left the house, walking across the concrete patio until their heads disappeared from the view of the bay window. The house fell silent shortly after the sound of their car pulling away from the curb faded to nothing.
The relative silence continued within the home as Natalie and Irene continued playing by the tree. Rae-Anne had since returned to her phone and Kachi to staring at her. He knew what was coming. He also knew Rae-Anne knew. It was only a matter of time by then, and of it, not much remained.
Kachi jumped slightly at the sudden vibrations coming from his pocket. He was forced to pull his watchful gaze from his mother and down to his own phone, which he'd just pulled from his right pocket. Upon the lock screen, one notification hailing from Shen. The message read 'Be there in 30.' The canine typed up a quick response, not looking as he hit send, returning the device to his pocket.
Seconds later, Rae-Anne had grown tired of scrolling once again. She instantly looked toward her son, seeing that she was being watched again. Her brows creased further as she looked away and into the living room.
"Hey, Mom, think you could watch Nat for a bit? I'm gonna go have a smoke." Irene looked up toward her daughter, a generous smile across her face.
"Of course. I think I'll go home after you come back." Rae-Anne nodded once before turning her gaze back to Kachi.
Without saying a word, she gestured toward the front door as she started toward it, signalling for Kachi to follow. The canine, who'd been watching the whole time, understood her direction and quickly left the couch. Before Legosi could say anything, Kachi put a hand out to stop him.
"I'll only be a couple minutes." Legosi closed his mouth, nodding a couple times before returning to watching Natalie and her grandmother play.
Kachi joined his mother on the landing, both canines slipping their shoes on before Rae-Anne threw her coat over her shoulders. Neither of them spoke, nor did they make eye contact again as they both stepped outside once the door was opened.
The frigid night air swept across Kachi's face as he shoved his hands into his pockets, shivers being sent throughout his body as the north wind picked up. His fur was blown in all directions as he and Rae-Anne stepped off the patio and into the driveway. It had started out as a calm night, but it seemed another system was bearing down onto Sapporo.
Rae-Anne pushed the garage door in with her shoulder, not even bothering to grip the knob. The sterile glow of the fluorescents fastened to the ceiling hit Kachi's eyes as his mother flipped the light switch. He winced, watching his mother take her seat at the table through squinted eyes.
Kachi paused to have a look around as he heard the familiar flick of a cigarette lighter. The emptiness in the space was just as shocking as it was when he first saw it. Everything that had previously given the garage any personality had been removed or tossed along with Chris' departure.
With all the typical findings within a normal garage gone, all that remained was a vividly painted picture of a four-walled space with a roof. Upon the cold concrete floor, all that remained was the fridge against the left wall, the TV fastened to the far wall, and a table with two chairs placed carefully in the middle. Was it a garage or a cell? Having been in both, Kachi leaned toward the latter.
After a lengthy drag and a pregnant pause, Rae-Anne finally exhaled, the smoke rising into the dusty ceiling fan above. Kachi watched as the smoke dissipated, being sent in all directions before disappearing entirely. The entire space still reeked of smoke, as it always had.
In his mental bank of scents, cigarette smoke was among the ones he knew best, and was always associated with memories of his mother. Rae-Anne shot Kachi a sideward glare as she took another drag, then ashing the cigarette into the ashtray placed in the center of the table. Though there were two chairs, Kachi opted to stand by the door.
Kachi watched his arms as he watched his mother finish her cigarette, his arms crossed, and brows creased throughout. After one final puff, Rae-Anne extinguished the butt in the ashtray, she quickly turned to face her son; she was wearing the same frustrated expression she had been all night.
Rae-Anne crossed her legs, shifting in her seat to better face Kachi. Her tail swished lazily behind her as she rested her arms upon her lap. "So, what was it you wanted to tell me?" Her tone indicated impatience to Kachi, but the question in his mind didn't care.
Though his chest was tight, and nausea remained in the pit of his stomach, Kachi forced his gaze to meet his mother's. He tightened his hands into fists under the cover of his sweater's pocket. "Who knows." Rae-Anne's ears fell flat.
"What are you talking about?"
Kachi blinked once, not budging from his current position. "Who knows about Shen?" he clarified.
Rae-Anne's ears returned upright, her eyes widening slightly at the mention of the name. She continued to stare toward her son, still processing the question. The longer they held their gazes, the higher the intimidation factor of the vixen's eyes became. Kachi began to feel uneasy as he watched his mother's jaw hang open, the silence between them growing longer.
After nearly thirty seconds, Rae-Anne finally let out a dejected sigh, lifting a hand to her forehead. "What kind of question is that?" she retorted, sounding insulted she'd even been asked.
Kachi rolled his eyes, his frustration rising. "Who in there knew that Shen was my dad?" he repeated, doubling down. In turn, Rae-Anne's confusion grew.
With a little more force than necessary, Rae-Anne put her hand to the table. The ashtray shook on the wooden surface before falling still once again. "Um, near everyone in that room? Everyone but Nat. I'm not sure if you're having a low blood sugar moment, considering you didn't eat anything at dinnertime, but Grandma, Kim, and Sarah all knew of him long before you came around. And Legosi met him the same night you did, so like I said, everyone but Nat. Will that be all?"
His mother's blunt answer had knocked the wind right of Kachi's sails, the momentum he felt within coming to a dead stop as he pondered her answer. He tried to find fault, but the more he thought, the quicker he realized it made sense.
"Uh, I…"
"I think the question you were meaning to ask was 'Do they know I know Shen is my dad?' and the answer to that is no. No one in our family knows you know besides me. I didn't tell them, and I'm not gonna tell them. If you want to tell them, go ahead. Doesn't bother me anymore."
In an unusual move for Rae-Anne, at least to Kachi's knowledge, she reached for her carton of cigarettes, producing a second one. She rested it upon her lip and quickly lit it, taking a drag longer than the first one from the first cigarette.
"So, you didn't lie to them?"
Rae-Anne raised her voice. "No. I didn't. How could I have?" Kachi nodded, understanding completely.
"Oh, okay… so, I'm the only one you lied to, then?" Rae-Anne sighed, looking away from her son and sending a dejected gaze into the table.
"Yes. And I regret it. You'll never understand how much I'll regret it."
Almost out of pure disbelief, Kachi cracked a smile, shaking his head as he, in turn, looked away from his mother. "Of course…only after all the hurt I've endured at the hands of my bad choices…and your years upon years of lies, do you tell me you regret it." Kachi stepped forward, taking his hands from his pockets and crossed his arms across his chest.
"It's too late to regret it, Mom. You had so many opportunities to right this, the last of which being in August. Instead of being there for me, you sent me away. Why? Are you ashamed of me?"
Rae-Anne took another puff of her second cigarette before ashing it onto the concrete below, some still glowing as they fell gracefully to the floor. She exhaled toward the ceiling; the smoke once again being caught by the fan above.
"For some things, yes. Is that the answer you're looking for? I am ashamed. Ashamed you would do such a thing. I should thank my lucky stars it never went public, what with the city refusing to broadcast maulings on the evening news."
Though it was the answer he was looking for, Kachi didn't expect it to hurt quite as much as it did. He wanted to remain angry but hearing that his own mother was ashamed of him had cut deeper than anything he'd ever done to himself. Still, he stood. Silent, staring toward her, brows creased as his arms slowly found their way to his sides. He didn't have anything to say. In a sense, he was shocked into silence.
Rae-Anne continued, "I have to live now, knowing that what you did could come up suddenly, at any time, anywhere. Once it does, what's gonna happen to me?" She shrugged her shoulders; Kachi struggled to remain silent and not answer Rae-Anne's rhetorical question. "They're all gonna start saying 'Oh, what a terrible mother,' and asking, 'How could she let such a thing happen?'"
His mother's voice grew louder alongside her frustration's noticeability. Kachi's own was beginning to make a comeback as his hands closed into fists and a low, quiet growl began rolling at the bottom of his throat. "What do you want me to do, not care?" concluded Rae-Anne.
Kachi shook his head, taking another step closer to the table. "No. I want you to care, but that's just it. I want you to care about me. Is that too much to ask? None of your actions have helped me the slightest bit."
Rae-Anne's ears returned to a flat position and her tail came to standstill. It was her turn to be on defense as her son continued to rip through her with words filled not with hate, but with disappointment, of neglect, and of desperation.
"The lying…you didn't care enough to give me the truth? And what happened after the attack…you were supposed to help me. Why did you push me away? And just now…what did you mean by 'doesn't bother me anymore'? Why does it suddenly not matter?"
Rae-Anne leapt suddenly from her chair, its wooden legs scraping noisily against the concrete floor below. Her sudden movements paired with the echo of the sound caused Kachi to jump. He quickly uncrossed his arms, putting them in front of him in defense.
Her hands hung open against her sides, her claws visible in the bright light shining down from above. In the silence of the garage, her growl had also become more audible, though it was much quieter than one of Kachi's own.
"You want the truth?" she demanded. Kachi blinked, shocked into silence once more. "You want the truth?" she repeated. Kachi stiffened his upper lip, nodding once to confirm. "You want the fucking truth?" she shouted.
Enraged, Kachi shouted back. "Yes!"
"I never wanted kids!" Rae-Anne's voice echoed in Kachi's ears, the words repeating themselves in his head. His anger had reached a new level, one that he couldn't even express outwardly. All he could do was stare toward his mother, brows creased, his claws digging into the palms of his hands.
"I never thought Shen and I could get pregnant, but we learned that the hard way. We were both losing it…he fell into old habits and…he had to go." Rae-Anne's tone had softened considerably since her outburst, but it didn't mean much. On Kachi's end of the garage, a gentle chuckle could be heard, confusing the vixen. She stared at him, confused, as she crossed her arms.
"Wow…unbelievable." Kachi's eyes widened as he set his hands to his hips. "That is- I cannot even begin to wrap- Okay..." He stared to the ground; jaw hung open as he tried to make sense of the information he'd been given. "You didn't want kids. Fair?" Rae-Anne tilted her head.
"But then when I showed up…and Dad became an addict, you kicked him out. Right?" Rae-Anne folded her brows as she realized what her son was doing. "Right. That's fine. But then, when he got clean and proved that he was willing and able to be a parent, you told him to fuck off." Rae-Anne shook her head.
"Kachi, it's not that simple-"
"And that was right after you went and did the exact same thing you didn't want to happen again, only with an abusive piece of shit instead of someone who just needed a bit of help. And then, after that, you proceeded to lie to me about my father. I-"
Feeling his anger spike, Kachi lifted a closed fist to his mouth, forcing the violent thoughts to the back of his mind as he took deep breaths to calm himself down. "I'm sorry. That just doesn't make any sense. If you didn't want me, and Shen was clean and willing to parent me, then why didn't you just hand me off to him? I was two, right? I would have never remembered you." Kachi gasped. "Or would that have made Richard upset?" he asked through gritted teeth.
Rae-Anne threw her arms up in frustration. "I don't know what to tell you anymore. I don't have anything else."
Kachi nodded, lowering his hand back to his hip. "Oh, alright…so, when are you planning on telling Nat she wasn't wanted either?" Rae-Anne stared toward her son; her green eyes filled with disbelief.
"What?"
Kachi disregarded her. "How long before you stop caring about her like you did me?" He stepped forward, closing the remaining distance between himself and his mother. "How long until she realizes that you are nothing but a selfish and duplicitous little viper?" Rae-Anne no longer had anything to say. All she could do was listen to her son's wrath.
"Hey, we're both foxes, aren't we? In part at least? You're aware of the stereotype, right? We're sly, conniving, manipulative…well, y'know what? Those are all perfect descriptors for you…I'm surprised you didn't just kill us both. Why can't you just be a competent parent? I've known Shen for five days and he's been a better parent to me than you ever have."
Something clicked within Rae-Anne's mind, or rather, something snapped. A realization. She stepped away from Kachi, not taking her eyes off his. She found her chair and climbed back onto it, sitting down and resting her arms upon the table.
"If he's such a good parent, then why don't you just go be with him? …You should understand why I can't forgive you. I know it hurts you too, but you're not the one who spend all that time building a family just to have it all torn from under me."
Kachi had no patience left for her justification. He shook his head, returning his hands to his pockets as he stepped back from the table. "I've been thinking…none of this would have even happened had you just taken Dad back. So really, whose fault is this?"
Rae-Anne dug her claws into the wooden surface of the table. "You really like talking about him, don't you? Why don't you go live with him and be happy, then? Considering I make you so miserable."
Kachi scoffed. "So that's it? You're kicking me out?" Rae-Anne growled louder than Kachi had ever heard her.
"You little prick, just leave!" She turned her gaze to the far wall. "I should have never bothered. You're too far gone."
Knowing he was no longer wanted, Kachi turned to face the door. As he placed his hand upon the doorknob however, he glanced over his shoulder to see his mother watching him from her post at the table. As he figured it would be among the last times they'd speak, he had a few choice words for her.
"Neither should I have. I knew this was a waste of time. Oh yeah, he's already on his way, so don't you worry your little head about that." Kachi pulled the door open, the cold night blowing past him and into the space. His blue eyes glowed against the darkness beyond.
"You were telling me how much you regretted this and how sorry you were only a few minutes ago. I find it funny how quickly you turned to anger. I don't believe you were ever sorry, or that you 'regretted it' in your terms. You're just sorry you got caught…and sorry that you don't have your hands over my eyes anymore." Kachi stepped out into the snow-covered driveway. "Good riddance, Rae-Anne." The door was promptly slammed shut, Kachi venturing out into he cold as he returned to the house.
No sadness resided within the canine's heart as he stepped back onto the cold, icy concrete of the patio. All that filled him was anger, and a dull ache behind his eyes. Before he could put grip the handle and let himself in, Kachi felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.
In the short time he'd been outside, the tips of his fingers were already much colder than he felt comfortable. Still, he plunged his hand into his pocket and produced the device. Upon the lock screen, another notification. He swiped at it with a finger, the message opening before him. It was Shen; the message's contents: "I'm just around the corner."
With chills running down his spine from the wind, he typed out another response to his father. "Okay. We'll be ready." Kachi returned his phone to his pocket and finally entered the home.
As the door closed behind him, the voices of Irene, Natalie, and Legosi could be heard coming from the living room above. Though he didn't want to get undressed, considering the message he'd just received, his curiosity got the better of him and he kicked his shoes off anyway. He quickly climbed the stairs.
His gaze rose above the back of the couch and came to rest on the three canines. Irene stood the furthest from where Kachi was situated. Legosi hadn't left his spot on the couch, and Natalie was on the floor in the center of the room, still playing with her gifts. It was a somewhat heartwarming sight, but it had to be broken up.
Kachi reached over the back of the couch and tapped the wolf on the shoulder. Legosi glanced over slowly. "Uh, our ride's gonna be here in, like, a minute." He nodded understandingly and got up from his spot. Kachi then turned his attention to the two others. "Grandma, Nat, we're…we're leaving."
"Oh. Well, it is getting late." Irene glanced down briefly toward Natalie. "I'll be right back." Shen then crossed the room and joined both Kachi and Legosi at the top of the stairs. "It was nice seeing you Kachi, and it was a pleasure to meet you, Legosi. I hope to see you both again soon."
Kachi chuckled nervously as his grandmother pulled him into a tight hug. "Yeah, for sure."
"It was nice meeting you too, I had a good time." Legosi added.
Irene finally let her grandson go before extending a hand toward Legosi. One awkward handshake later, the two canines descended into the landing, both reaching for their coats at the same time. As he slipped on his shoes, Kachi looked up to see Irene still at the top of the stairs, a big smile across her face.
With a wave, he did his best to smile back. "Bye, Grandma. I love you." Irene waved back.
"Oh, I love you too! Have a safe trip!" Kachi lowered his hand, looking back to the door. As he did, a pair of headlights was seen pulling into the driveway behind Rae-Anne's truck.
With both canines ready to go, Kachi put his hand upon the door handle and turned it, pulling the door inward and stepping outside. He allowed Legosi to pass him by before shutting it behind him. They then crossed the patio and stepped onto the driveway, the compact snow crunching beneath their shoes.
Kachi pulled the passenger door of Shen's truck open, allowing Legosi to get in ahead of him. As he stood with the door's handle in his hand, he was able to sneak a peek through the window of the garage's door.
Inside, Kachi noticed that the TV had been turned on, but to what, he didn't know. Observing further, he noticed a glass filled with amber liquid in the palm of his mother's hand. He sneered, shaking his head as he hopped into Shen's truck.
Disgusting.
Shen shifted the truck into reverse, turning his head over his shoulder to watch the road as he backed up. Kachi struggled momentarily with his seatbelt, finally getting it to click as they pulled away from Nevers Road.
The radio had been turned up, Kachi only noticing the volume after Shen reached toward the dash to turn it down. Though his gaze was focused on the road ahead of him, Shen tried his best to look toward the two canines to his left.
"So, I uh, bet you're dreading this question, but how'd it go?"
Kachi pulled his eyes from the road ahead. He knew precisely what the answer was but was caught on whether he should even tell him. A lengthy silence passed between the three, Kachi deciding ultimately to let them know. After all, what did he really have to hide? What did he have to lose?
"Uh, that's kind of a tough one. On one hand, the dinner itself was fine. I got to talk to my Grandma for the first time in a while. She brought up college, for which I have no plan, so that's interesting," he began.
Shen smiled, his lips curling into a smile. "Ah, you'll figure it out. I could even help ya if you'd like."
Kachi shrugged, a chuckle escaping his lips. "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind."
Shen glanced briefly toward Legosi before returning his eyes to the road. "Awesome. Hey…did you do the thing?"
Kachi tilted his head. His confusion was brief however, as he figured there could only be one thing the elder wolf was referring to. Kachi shifted in his seat as he nodded. "Oh, yeah I gave him the chain."
"And?" continued Shen, looking toward Legosi again.
"Huh? Oh! Yeah. I mean, it's a beautiful gift. I love it. But…you still didn't have to. I mean, I didn't even get you anything," replied Legosi softly.
"No, that's okay. You just enjoy that, right, Kachi?"
"For sure. Like I said, it's fine."
Legosi didn't continue the conversation as he was reminded of the chain's presence around his neck. He lifted a hand to it, running his fingers across the metal's smooth surface. It was still a shock. He didn't think himself worthy of a gift from the canine, much less a chain, a physical token of their friendship.
Kachi stared off into the distance. The highway was nearly empty, and the wide-open road ahead gave him nothing to focus on. The thought occupying his mind as they drove was the simple fact he hadn't told the whole story. He fought with himself over whether to spill.
They deserve to know.
"Uh, that's not all that happened…though," said Kachi slowly. His dejected tone caused the smile to disappear from his father's face.
"Well, what else happened?"
Kachi shrugged. "Mom and I fought…again. It was bad this time."
Shen sighed as they approached their exit. "Oh no…"
"I think the two biggest takeaways from it was one, I wasn't a wanted child, and two, I just got kicked out."
"She kicked you out? On Rexmas Eve of all nights? That's just foul." Anger could be detected in the elder wolf's voice.
"Yup. Not sure when I'm supposed to get my stuff from there, or even if she meant it. She was pretty upset." Shen turned left as they arrived onto their street.
"What brought this about? This wasn't in front of the whole family was it?"
Kachi shook his head. "No, it wasn't. We were alone in the garage. All I wanted to know was why she kept you from me. Her answer didn't make a lick of sense, so I grilled her over it and she exploded. Her justification was that she didn't want kids, but also didn't want to give me up because you were an addict…you didn't start doing drugs because of me, did you?"
Shen gasped, his grip on the steering wheel tightening. "No. Never. Don't you ever think that. Did Rae tell you that?" he asked, raising his voice.
Kachi shook his head. "No. It just seemed like a logical series of events…"
"Kachi. While you weren't a planned child, it wasn't enough of a shock to turn me to those pills…I was already…doing them before then. I was hanging out with the wrong people, and that's my own fault." Shen pulled the truck into the driveway next to the gym, not even bothering to reverse in. He cut the power to the engine, leaving the three canines in silence.
"Your mother was right to kick me out. I never would have gotten clean without you and her as my motivation. But seeing that she didn't want me back was really difficult to accept. To keep it short…If I didn't want you, I never would have tried to have you in my life for so long afterwards. Just because your mother said some incredibly nasty things…it doesn't mean you don't have anyone to care for you."
Kachi tried to smile, but the best he could muster was some twisted half-smile that just came off as awkward. "Thanks, Dad…" The damage had already been done.
"Good." Shen pulled the keys from the ignition and stepped out. Following suit, Kachi pushed his door open, the snow crunching beneath his shoes. Legosi followed closely behind, closing the door for him as Shen locked them. "Let's not let this ruin the night, okay? Still up for that movie?"
Kachi pulled his gaze from the floor, staring into his father's eyes. "Yeah." Legosi gave a nod of confirmation as well.
The two followed Shen as he approached the first door to the apartment. He pulled it open, holding it open for them. As Kachi and Legosi ascended the chilly steps, Legosi turned to look toward Kachi, picking up on his dampened spirits.
"Why didn't you tell me about what your mom said?"
Kachi shrugged, keeping his eyes on the stairs below. "Dad texted that he was on his way. She'd told me only minutes before I came back into the house, how much sooner did you want me to tell you?"
Hearing the canine's arguments, Legosi eased up. "Oh. Okay. That's fair."
They waited for Shen in front of the second door. Seconds later, he appeared from the staircase, housekey in hand. He stepped past the boys, inserting it into the door's lock before twisting the knob and pushing the door in. As they stepped inside, Shen reached for the light switch, illuminating the previously darkened space.
After they got undressed, Shen stepped past the boys again and entered the living room. "As promised, snacks." Kachi and Legosi glanced toward the coffee table, where three plastic bags filled with various unhealthy drinks and snack foods were piled.
Kachi forced a smile as he and Legosi took a seat on the couch. The wolf reached for one of the bags, crammed within were about four different flavors of potato chips. "Wow, you weren't kidding," commented Legosi.
Shen glanced back from the TV, to which an older laptop was connected. "Nope. So, movie…Die Hard?" Kachi tilted his head.
"That's a Rexmas movie?" Shen chuckled, flashing a toothy grin.
"Yes, it is. You cannot change my mind. Any objections or other suggestions before we start?" Both Legosi and Kachi shook their heads. "Perfect. Alright, let's get this show on the road then!"
No matter how hard he tried, Kachi couldn't get into the movie whatsoever. Illuminated only by the glow of the television, he stared blankly toward the screen, mind filling with thoughts as dark as the apartment around him.
I told them what was bothering me, why don't I feel better?
As the credits rolled at the end of the film, he felt both Shen's and Legosi's presences leave the couch. He remained seated, unable to pull himself away from the screen as the text scrolled from bottom to top.
He felt a tapping on his shoulder, shocking him from his trance and causing him to jump. "The movie's over. Are the credits that interesting?" Shen teased. Kachi looked up toward him, his expression remaining blank.
"No, not really…just comfy." Shen nodded. Kachi forced himself upright, stretching his back after making it to his feet. As he lowered his arms, Shen shut the TV off.
"I see. Well, that was good, don't you think?"
Kachi shrugged. "It was alright…I see why you consider it a Rexmas movie now."
"See? I was right." Shen chuckled. "Ah, anyway, I think I'm gonna call it a night here. You boys can stay up as late as you want, just keep it down. Sound good?" Both Kachi and Legosi nodded. "Perfect. Trade off is, you have to help me clean this up."
The three canines spent the next fifteen minutes cleaning the small mess they'd made with their small mountain of snacks. Most of the things Shen had purchased had gone untouched, making the cleanup relatively easy. Once the living room was back to a normal state, Shen addressed the boys once again, telling them goodnight before disappearing down the hall to his bedroom.
Kachi and Legosi were left alone in the living room. They exchanged glances, Kachi shoving his hands into his pockets. "So, what's happening?"
Kachi shrugged, staring dejectedly toward the floor. "I kinda wanna go to bed. I'm tired." He didn't wait for an answer from the wolf as he tried to walk past him.
Picking up on the canine's tone, Legosi quickly stepped in front of him, putting a hand on his chest to stop him. "Hey, slow down." Kachi looked up from the floor. "Don't think I didn't pick up on any of that. What's going on?"
Everything.
He shrugged. "I'm…stuck on what Mom told me. It's tough to be told you weren't wanted." Legosi sighed. Shortly after, his brows creased.
"Know what? She doesn't matter. Don't let her get to you. If she doesn't want you, fine. She doesn't deserve you. She can go stick it for all it's worth, right?" Kachi forced a smile.
"I guess…you're right. She's not worth my time."
Just like I wasn't worth hers. I know she doesn't matter, but does that make what she said any less true?
"Right. Good…" Legosi lifted a hand to his neck. "I wouldn't mind turning in either." Kachi nodded, a familiar ache in his chest returning.
"Okay, well, goodnight." As he tried to walk past him again, Legosi didn't move. Kachi's brows creased as he looked back into the wolf's eyes.
"One condition. You're not sleeping alone." Kachi tilted his head, both in confusion and frustration.
"What?"
"I'm not letting you sleep alone. I just want you to be okay…after what happened this morning. I'd feel a lot better if I were in the room with you, so if…so I can be there, y'know?" Legosi's tone was soft, but it was seemingly in one ear and out the other with Kachi.
"Oh. Yeah, that's okay. Thanks…can I just use the washroom first?" Legosi thought for a moment before finally nodding.
"Yeah. I'll be in the room waiting." The two then departed the living room, both walking down the hallway single file. As Kachi approached the washroom, Legosi slipped past him and entered the bedroom. Looking over his shoulder one last time, he saw Legosi digging through his bag for a pair of pajamas. He then slipped into the washroom, closing the door behind him.
He arrived at the vanity, a familiar face staring back at him as he leaned against it. His eyes were tired and bloodshot. His fur was matted in all directions from the couch, and though he didn't think it possible, he looked thinner. The disheveled canine stared back at Kachi, his eyes as dim as ever.
As the fan hummed softly above him, Kachi reached for the hem of his sweater and pulled it over his head. The fabric of the sleeves tugged at the fur on his arms, sending little jolts of pain up them and into his torso. With every inch, the pain flowed until his arms were freed.
The fur upon them were even worse than the rest of his body; clear cuts were visible even under the fur, and the way they healed caused fur to stand straight in some areas and lay flat in others. His heartrate picked up as his breathing quickened, his body beginning to shake as he continued to stare, no longer seeing what he recognized as himself.
See that? You don't recognize him, but that's you. You really wanna keep on going looking like that? No. You don't. Don't hurt those that care anymore. Give em some peace, maybe you'll find some while you're at it.
What happened? Scared? With all that's happened, surely you shouldn't be. You knew this was coming. You wrote about it. You wished for it, dreamed about it…so what's the matter? Just think about it. They don't care. Your family doesn't forgive you, they never will. You're not wanted, your so-called friend took advantage of you, you nearly killed two people…
You're a monster, Kachi. A savage. A beast. Were you really insulting your mother? No. You were just projecting. You don't hate her, you hate yourself. You're difficult, too. You cause worry to those you claim to care about. So why not? Why not put them at peace? Maybe now you'll get what you wanted, Mom…
There were no tears. Not this time. Kachi stared himself dead in the eye as he lifted his arms upward. With his right hand, he dug his claws deep into his left arm, deeper than ever. His eyes were forced shut as he gritted his teeth. In a swift motion, he wrenched his whole arm toward himself, his claws pulling lengthwise up his arm.
Just close your eyes…and count to ten
As he pulled his hand away, an immediate feeling of dizziness overcame him. His vision blurred as he tried to focus on his other arm, warm blood already dripping from his open wounds. Kachi pushed his left hand into his other arm, repeating the same process.
Ten…nine…eight…seven…
Once finished, the light-headedness intensified, and struggling to keep his balance, he stumbled backward into the wall behind him. He set himself down in the floor, his legs beginning to lose strength as he arrived at the floor. He rested his head against the wall, staring toward the ceiling as his breaths became longer and less frequent.
…six…five…four…
As the world faded from view, the door was kicked open, a frantic Legosi holding his hands to his mouth as he stared down toward him. He immediately dropped to his knees, scooping Kachi up and holding him in his arms. He seemed to be shouting, but no sound left his mouth. He then turned his head over his shoulder and shouted into the hallway. Again, no sound was heard.
…three…two…one.
Nothing.