Mahou Senki Lyrical Days - Bloopers (Parts 1-6), by Heroslayer

Part 1 originally posted on April 14th, 2012

Parts 2, 3, and 4 originally posted on April 15th, 2012

Part 5 originally posted on July 6th, 2012

Part 6 originally posted on July 7th, 2012

Chapter 1 Bloopers

"Emiya-kun, wake up!"

The loud shout along with the startling noise of a ruler crashing down on a desk sends Emiya Shirou out of his dream and back into the real world. It also had the side effect of scaring the boy so much that he threw his body backwards much too quickly for his chair to catch and keep on four legs. For a moment, the boy is suspended in the air with a look of horror and surprise on his face. The moment ends and the chair tips.

"Wah!"

Crash!

The class laughs for a minute until the boy doesn't get back up. There isn't even a groan of pain.

"Emiya-kun?"

The silence continues until one student gets up to check on the boy.

"Sensei, he's bleeding."

"Oh sonofa-"

BLEEP

"I'm home." Shirou's voice echoed throughout the empty house before he tossed his bag in the corner of the living room. There was no reply of-

"Welcome home dear."

Shirou froze to see Nanoha dressed in a frilly apron smiling cheerfully at him. The girl skips over to him and kisses him on the cheek.

The boy blushes and goes ramrod still as the girl starts laughing.

BLEEP

The room that Shirou sat in was Spartan at best. The only objects in the room were a single desk covered in papers, Shirou himself and a single pipe. Magecraft was a dangerous practice and at his current level, Shirou couldn't afford any distractions. A single mistake could cripple him for life at best or even kill him at worst.

It was a lesson that Shirou quickly learned. To learn Magecraft is to walk with death.

Shirou placed a hand over the pipe and began.

Inhale

Focus, clear your thoughts.

Exhale

Empty your mind.

Inhale

Slowly forge the magic circuit.

Exhale

"zzzzzzz"

"Cut!" There are sounds of laughter coming from the background. "Someone wake him up."

BLEEP

"Alright." Shirou loomed over Yuuno and resisted the urge to poke him a few times. "So you're magical?"

"No stupid, your planet has walking pets all over the place. Yes I'm magical." The ferret looks up at a laughing Nanoha. "He's a freaking magic user and he needs to ask if the telepathic talking ferret is magic, really?"

BLEEP

Shirou closed his eyes and tried to make Raising Heart activate.

"Access Denied. Wrong Gender."

"Huh?" The boy looks down at the red gem in complete confusion. "That's not right."

He tries again. "Access Denied, subject not willing to use near lethal force to make companions."

"Access Denied, I cannot let you do that Shirou."

"Access Denied, You will be assimilated."

"Really, still trying?"

"Okay, who messed with the props!" Shirou throws the gem away and glares at the laughing ferret and girl next to him.

BLEEP

Shirou nodded and started his long painful walk back to his house. It was only after a few painful steps that Shirou realized a big problem.

"I still have this thing." Shirou looked down to see that he still had Raising Heart in his hands.

"Access De-"

"Oh shut up!"

Chapter 2 Bloopers

Shirou ignored his teacher and wrote in his note book. The camera peers over the notes to see what he's writing.

There is a crude drawing of Nanoha and Raising Heart along with Yuuno next to them. There is a big arrow pointing at them that says, 'Magical Mascot,' 'Weird staff,' and 'Magical Girl'

Next to it is a crude drawing of himself holding a broken wooden sword with words, 'Useless,' 'Cute' and 'Childhood friend.' Shirou draws an arrow to himself and writes, 'Love interest?'

BLEEP

Shirou looked around the large shrine grounds and the leaves that littered the area. He then looked down at the broom in his hands and sighed. "Okay, I can understand the broom, I can understand me helping at a shrine, but..."

"Why am I in a butler uniform?"

Shirou tugged at the tiny suit and looked at the stage crew for answers.

"The only shrine uniform we got wouldn't fit you. We ordered it for Nanoha's size because we thought she was going to dress up not you."

Shirou twitched, "And the butler uniform?"

Alisa smiled wickedly, "For future scenes."

Shirou shuddered. Maybe it wasn't too late to try out for that Fate Night thing.

BLEEP

An odd feeling passed over Shirou causing him to pause in mid sentence. The boy looked around for the source of the feeling when he caught the scent of something that had no place in the shrine.

"Kyaa!" By the time the scream cut through the quiet shrine, Shirou was already running towards the source.

"Hey, get away from h- Seriously?"

The high school girl was sitting on the ground trying to keep a small puppy from licking her face. Shirou sweatdropped. "Where's the Jewel Seed?"

"That is the Jewel Seed. A old dog picked it up and wanted to be a young puppy again." Shirou facepalmed at the directors words.

"No, no way. We're having an epic battle here. Make it go demonic!"

"But the Jewel Seeds aren't always ba-"

"Don't care! I've been pranked, shoved into weird clothing and beaten up, I want a epic fight damnit!"

Shirou tossed aside the broom he was holding and walked off the set.

"I'll be in my trailer!"

BLEEP

"What? No way!" Shirou tried to dig his feet into the ground. "Your parents are just going to scold me. And your mom might do that again."

"Is staying with them really that bad? Nanoha's family seemed really nice." Yuuno looked over at the boy and wondered what was causing him to try to escape. It seemed unlikely that he would get anything more than a mild lecture for his actions.

Nanoha rolled her eyes. "It's nothing bad, but my mom found the perfect punishment for when Shirou stays with us and doesn't behave."

Yuuno wondered what would scare a boy that would fearlessly face a Jewel Seed created monster without a second thought. He tried to imagine a fitting punishment with the image of Nanoha's kind mother and something that would freak Shirou out this much but couldn't come up with anything. Unwilling to let his morbid curiosity be unfulfilled he asked Nanoha. "What is the punishment?"

Shirou wailed out an explanation.

Yuuno almost fell off of Nanoha's shoulder when he heard what had scared the boy so badly. He stared at the struggling boy and just shook his head. "I don't get you people at all."

Nanoha had the decency to blush, "Mom has weird hobbies."

...

Shirou sighed as he carried the tray with drinks and snacks over to the living room. "Your refreshments, madam."

"Thank you Shirou." Momoko smiled at the temporary butler. She fought the temptation in front of her, but failed her saving roll. "So cute!"

Shirou struggled away from the rib crushing hug and the weird cheek rubbing and mentally cried out for Kiritsugu to save him.

BLEEP

Shirou waited until the crowds cleared from the area and looked around. There were giant trees growing out of the ground and a few of the building in the area had holes knocked out of them by the branches.

"Who the hell wishes for a tree?" Shirou tilted his head at the site of the giant tree. "Are they building the set of Negima in the wrong place or something?"

"Cut! Shirou, it's just what's going on this episode, deal with it."

"But a tree? That doesn't even make sense." Shirou froze as an idea popped into his head. "Oh god, a hippy got a hold of one didn't they?"

"No a hippy didn't, it was a couple of teens-" The director pinched his nose and tried to push the headache he was feeling back into his head. "Just do the scene."

"Fine... stupid hippies."

"I heard that!"

BLEEP

In the night sky a figure watched Uminari city. This was the place that the Jewel Seeds seemed to have gathered. Several had activated in the city in a short amount of time and more will surely activate within the city once more.

Golden blonde hair danced in the wind and the girl's black clothes melted into the night. A black staff was held in her hands and a red wolf like creature rested on the building below her.

However, the dramatic moment was ruined as a sudden gust of wind hit her and knocked her off her perch. "Kyaaa!"

"Fate!" Arf cried out as she dove after her master.

The entire cast sweatdropped at the loud thump noise that sounded a few seconds later.

Shirou facepalmed and muttered under his breathe. "At least it wasn't me this time."

Chapter 3 Bloopers

Shirou sighed as he found himself in the butler outfit again. Though this time it was really in the script so he couldn't complain. "I'm not Nanoha's butler."

Now let's measure Shirou's power levels. A cat equals half a powerlevel point.

"Gah, get them off!" Several cats jumped onto Shirou to get at Yuuno. The flailed around uselessly to get them off but his restrained thrashing (he didn't want to hurt the cats) made it a useless effort.

The girls all watched in amusement as Shirou tripped backwards over one of the several cats running around the exact moment that Farin walked in with a tray filled with their tea and snacks. The maid's cheerful announcement that their tea was ready changed into a surprised cry as Shirou barreled into her. The girls watched as the boy into the maid sending the tray flying into the air. Yuuno had abandoned his post on the boy's head as he followed the same animal instincts that caused all the cats to vacate the area.

CRASH!

Shirou wondered why his fall didn't hurt so much. Something cushioned his fall. He looked up to find himself buried in the maid's chest. He tried to push himself away but the maid had somehow wrapped her arms around him in her pain and pulled him back down.

Alisa twitched a moment at the resulting scene. "Oi! No seducing the guests!"

Suzuka nodded, "Nanoha is supposed to seduce Shirou."

"Bweh!" Nanoha spat out the tea she was drinking and started to sputter.

Oh and Shirou's power level was 10 at the moment. No Magecraft and being nine years old means he's weak.

BLEEP

It was a fated meeting. On one side was a golden haired girl dressed in black. On the other side, a brown haired girl dressed in white.

Nanoha tilted her head. "Isn't it embarrassing wearing that thing?"

Fate paused and looked down at Nanoha in confusion. "Eh?"

"I mean, it's like a swimsuit. The cape is a nice touch, but that can't be very comfortable to wear all the time."

Fate looked down at her Barrier Jacket as if looking at it for the first time and blushed. "Eeeeeehhhhhhhhh?!"

Shirou ran into the field hoping for an awesome battle, but all he found was an amused Nanoha counseling a blushing Fate.

BLEEP

"Arc Saver." Shirou's eyes widened as he heard the device tone out again. The girl swung the scythe forward and the energy blade was released out like a boomerang. Shirou dove under the attack and fought the urge to flinch at the explosion behind him. The girl didn't wait for him to get up and charged him again with his weapon pulled back. Shirou realized that he couldn't block the blade and that he had no real chance of dodging. So he improvised.

He waited until the last moment before the girl swung the Scythe and shot forward. He tried to get past the scythe blade, but was a step too slow.

Fate blinked as Shirou crumpled to the ground with a giant slice wound on his chest.

"Oops..."

"medic..." Shirou moaned from the ground.

BLEEP

Shirou picked up Nanoha and after a few moments of awkward handling got her into a piggyback position and let Yuuno rest on top of his head. He felt the odd magic that was in the air disappear and the forest seemed to suddenly become more vivid. Yuuno's barrier must have fallen. He managed to take a single step towards the mansion when a thought struck him.

Yuuno looked down worriedly at the boy when he froze. Was he more injured than he thought?

Shirou smiled brightly. "Awesome, I ruined the butler uniform."

The outfit had lots of soot on it and was covered in rips and burns.

Yuuno facepalmed as Shirou danced in happiness. Something that was very hard to do while giving a piggyback ride but Shirou managed.

BLEEP

The two of them stood in silence before Kiritsugu broke it. The man took one last drag from a cigarette before tossing it onto the floor and grounding it out. It was obvious to the man what the topic of their conversation would be, so he went straight to the point. "So, what did Shirou do this time?"

Takamachi Shiro sighed. "I dunno. Something about Magical Girls and Jewels. It can't be that bad."

"Mhm." It should be noted that both Kiritsugu and the older Shiro had been through hell in their jobs so it probably wasn't the best idea to let them judge danger. "Right, I should get going."

"Oh, another trip?"

"No, we're supposed to go inside. It says so in the script."

"CUT!"

BLEEP

Kiritsugu took in the explanation his son gave him with a grain of salt. Even then he still couldn't readily accept the story easily. "So you're telling me Nanoha is now a magical girl because a talking ferret released a set of dangerous artifacts into the world and is now too wounded to seal them." He saw Shirou nod and wished he could smoke in front of the boy. "Then the magic talking staff that the ferret gave Nanoha said you had Magic Circuits."

"Yep!"

Kiritsugu sighed. "Shirou, did you get into my special cigerette drawer?"

"Cut!"

BLEEP

"Shirou, are you huffing glue again?"

"Cut!"

BLEEP

"Shirou did you hit your head again? I mean, that bar was way too high for a kid to jump. What were you thinking?"

"Cut! Damnit Kiritsugu, stop trying to improvise!"

BLEEP

"Trained in magic that manipulates barriers to suit its needs. You have a strong familiar." The girl looked puzzled for a moment. A brief expression of emotion on her face. "Though I am surprised that your servant boy isn't here with you."

Nanoha scowled at the accusations. "Yuuno isn't a familiar and Shirou isn't a servant."

"Oh, then what are they?"

"A pet and a boyfriend!"

"Cut! Nanoha, that isn't your line!"

BLEEP

"Your name…" Nanoha shook off her fear and called out to the girl. "What's your name?"

"Fate. Fate Testarossa."

"Umm… I'm-" Before the girl could give her own name in return, Fate took off into the night sky.

Arf followed behind her master with a quick, "Bye, bye."

Long after the two of them had left, Nanoha still stood there looking at the night sky with eyes full of unspoken emotions.

"If I like Fate too does that mean I'm cheating on Shirou?"

"Cut! Damnit, cut that last part out."

Chapter 4 Bloopers

Yuuno looked up at the boy and tried to wrap his mind around the statement he just said. "Could you repeat that again, I think I misheard you."

Shirou scratched his cheek as he wondered if he said something wrong. "I have to make a Magic Circuit every time I use Magecraft."

"You have to create a Magic Circuit every time." Shirou nodded and Yuuno twitched as he realized the implications of this. "And creation of a Magic Circuit requires you to do that same ritual that we spoke of yesterday."

He saw Shirou nod again meaning he was on the right track, though he prayed to god that he had misunderstood something. "The same ritual that requires high amounts of concentration and feels similar to having a steel rod that has been superheated inserted into your spine."

Yuuno had to ask. "Shirou... are you a masochist?"

Shirou blinked. "A what?"

"Cut! Yuuno you can't say something that!"

"No seriously, what's a masochist?"

"Oh god, someone knock him out, maybe we'll be lucky and he'll forget this conversation."

"Kay!"

"Wha-"

Clang

"Thank you Takamachi."

BLEEP

"Give me a break already!"

Apparently right after class ended, Shirou sighed. The girl was probably counting down the seconds until she could go grill Nanoha. Shirou frowned and watched from his own seat. Alisa was over Nanoha's desk, while Suzuka was hovering back hesitating over what to do, and Nanoha was looking surprised at her friend's outburst. Shirou wondered if he should step in or not. On one hand, it looked like Nanoha was really out of it, on the other, it wasn't really that nice to ignore your friends.

"I thought I said to wait until we were there!"

Shirou blinked in confusion. What were they arguing about?

"B-but Alisa-chan, I-"

"No buts!" Alisa shook her head. "I wanted to capture the moment for all time."

Shirou walked over to Suzuka and tilted his head. "What moment?"

"The moment that Shirou gave in and started dating Nanoha." Suzuka cheerfully replied.

"What?!"

"Cut!"

BLEEP

"Listen carefully because this is very important." Shirou gave the girl his full attention. His instincts were shouting at him that this situation was a bad one, but it was too late to do anything but accept it.

"From now on." The girl was absolutely serious about this. There would be no arguing with her no matter what she declared. "You will be my boyfriend."

Shirou stared at the girl who was still pointing down at him for a moment before her words actually registered. "Eh?"

"You heard me."

"I... I think you mixed up your lines."

"Nope." Nanoha wrapped herself around Shirou's arm.

"Cut! Someone find Momoko and tell her she can't change the script no matter how cute they would look!"

BLEEP

Shirou nodded and saw that Arf had recovered from crashing into Yuuno's barrier and was snarling at the both of them. "Do you think I'm afraid of a tiny ferret familiar and a servant boy!" She rushed forward and lunged at the boy.

Shirou growled before Projecting his secret weapon.

Arf flinched as a rolled up newspaper slammed into her nose and looked up at an angry Shirou.

"Bad dog!" Another swat from the Projection caused Arf to flinch again and curl up into a ball.

BLEEP

The boy got close enough and jumped into the air just in time for Arf to miss another lunge. Shirou reached forward and wrapped his fingers around the Jewel Seed.

And then his world caught fire.

…

The world that he saw was made solely of fire and smoke. Shirou wanted to scream but found no air to breathe. His mind burned. There was nothing left to fight with as he suffered in the flames of this world.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

The fire faded as a man walked into view. It was the Counter Guardian EMIYA.

"You're not supposed to show up here for at least another five years."

"Huh?" Shirou looked up at the man in confusion.

"Geez, no UBWs until the Holy Grail War. Now get out!"

"Cut! Damnit, who brought in Archer early! We're not supposed to even see him."

BLEEP

Nanoha froze as a blazing yellow blade was placed at her neck. Arf had Yuuno pinned down and was watching the both of them. Nanoha turned slowly to see Fate looking down at the boy in confusion. "The Jewel Seed."

Nanoha blinked for a moment before noticing that the Jewel Seed was nowhere to be found. Normally when she sealed the Jewel Seed it came out of the object that activated it, but she couldn't see it anywhere. "Is it still inside him?" Nanoha looked down at Shirou and hoped to god that wasn't true. She didn't want that thing anywhere near Shirou after what had just happened.

"I see." The girl closed her eyes for a moment before coming to a decision. Bardiche was swung down at Nanoha. Raising Heart quickly activated a barrier but the attack did its job and launched the girl away from Shirou. Arf transformed and threw the boy over her shoulder.

"Yoink!"

"Shirou!"

"Whoot, free butler."

"Cut!"

BLEEP

Chapter 5 Bloopers

"What do you mean you can't get it out?!"

Fate watched the boy's face shift to a painful grimace from the loud noise before speaking. "The Jewel Seed will not exit his body."

"Really?"

Fate's eyes shifted nervously, "Of course."

"Because I haven't even felt you use any magic since we got here so you couldn't have tried to seal it again."

A bright blush appeared on Fate's face as she started to panic. She forgot that Arf was connected to her own magic. "Uh... but... the Jewel Seed and the odd manifestation and..."

"Fate..."

The blonde girl pouted under her familiar's gaze and pulled the boy into a hug. "He's cute and he cooks. If we can't get the Jewel Seed out we don't have to let him go."

"Cut, that isn't even anywhere near right."

BLEEP

It was another memory of his past. He had gotten into a spot of trouble -a fight with some older boys-while helping someone and had been injured in the process. He had planned to just stagger home and patch himself up, but Nanoha had spotted him and dragged him to her house to get treated.

"Why would you get in a fight with three older boys?" Nanoha threw her arms in the air in exasperation. She had been friends with Shirou for about a year, but she still couldn't believe the amount of trouble he could get himself into by helping other people.

Shirou scratched his cheek in embarrassment. "Well, they were harassing a girl in an alleyway. So I tackled one of them and started to hit them. The fight kinda started from there, but I did make sure the girl got away."

"Mou, stupid Shirou!" Nanoha huffed angrily at him. "Idiot, stupid, I hate you!"

"W-wha? Nanoha!" Shirou gaped at the girl yelling angrily at him.

Nanoha glared at him. "You're cheating on me!"

"What?!" Shirou blinked in complete confusion. "How does that... what?"

Nanoha started muttering under her breathe about getting Raising Heart and showing that hussy what happens when you try to steal her Shirou.

"Cut! Damnit they're like 8 during this flashback, what the hell!?"

BLEEP

"Ugh…" Light cut through the room and slid over the boy's eyes. His mind, after spending hours sifting through memories and organizing his shattered mind, slowly began to return to its normal functions. The boy tries to open his eyes and, after a brief struggle, succeeds.

He opens his eyes and lets his gaze fall around the room. He was lying on a couch next to a large set of windows. He could see a city of some sort outside, but it didn't look familiar at all. Then again, he couldn't really recall what familiar would look like.

The boy slowly sat up and gazed around the room. It didn't look familiar at all. It was an apartment of some kind, rather spartan. A lamp, the couch, and a coffee table were the only things that seemed to be in the room at all.

*PSSSHHH*

The boy blinked as he found himself standing somewhere else. He blinked and looked around for the couch he had been sitting on. He saw it on the floor below him. He focused on the last few minutes to recall what had happened. He had seen something and moved to the next floor of the rather empty apartment. It was a simple picture of a mother and daughter holding hands. He thought that he had seen the daughter before, but he couldn't quite remember where.

"Where am I?" He placed the picture frame down and rubbed his head. He couldn't remember how he had gotten there at all. In fact, he couldn't really remember much at all.

"My name…" The boy stood still as he wracked his brain for his name. The image of a smiling man flashed through his mind before he finally grasped the vital information. "Sahashi…Minato..."
"Cut! Damnit, this isn't In Flight damnit!"

BLEEP

*PSSSHHH*

"Da hell?"

Shirou cried out in surprise to find himself serving tea while wearing a butler's outfit. "Wait, wasn't I just in an apartment in burnt clothes?"

"No, of course not. Why would you think that." The blonde girl told him while not shifting her eyes nervously. She wasn't seriously. She looked completely innocent and there was no way she was taking advantage of the boy's amnesia.

"Uh... Right... why is that dog muzzled and that man trying to escape his bonds to reach a megaphone?"

"No reason. Just ignore them."

Yeah... we'll leave them to that...

BLEEP

The Jewel Seed could not be called sentient. It was a magical catalyst that could amplify the desires of those around it, or in this case a single host. After the desire of the host had been fulfilled the key priority that the Jewel Seeds took was survival. When the Jewel Seed within Shirou felt another attempt to extract it from its resting place, it had reacted and walled itself within the host. Normally this would not be enough because of the sheer magical force the extraction was using, but the Jewel Seed had found something to anchor itself to, a magical artifact that had fused itself almost completely within the boy's body.

When more and more extraction attempts were made, the Jewel Seed fed more and more power into the artifact which bled the excess into Shirou. The energy levels could not compare to the initial reaction, but even this barest fraction was too much for the boy to handle.

His body was burning itself from the inside out, and it desperately searched for a way to get rid of it.

...

"GAAAAHHHH!" The boy screamed out as a pulse of energy escaped him and he changed.Fate and Arf quickly recovered and got to their feet. Whatever plans they had were thrown to the wind as they stared at the boy floating in front of them.

"Well, we're boned." Arf quickly changed into her puppy form and curled into a shaking ball.

Fate just pouted. "That's not fair."

Shirou blinked in confusion before tugging one of his bangs into view. "Why is my hair golden blonde?"

"Cut! What the hell? Why did the Jewel Seed turn him Super Saiyan?"

BLEEP

Fate had followed the boy. She had left Arf at home despite her protests and watched the boy. His path was erratic and he would constantly change directions, almost on a whim.

She couldn't understand what drove her to follow him. It would be simple to knock him out again and bind him, however every time she thought about it she faltered. Those golden eyes returned to the front of her mind, and she shivered as she remembered the sheer honesty in them. There was no ulterior motive, and it confused her to see someone that wanted to care for her so badly.

Still, she kept an eye on him. The boy had a Jewel Seed inside of him, and she had promised Mother that she would bring them.

Eventually her chance came. After what seemed like an eternity the boy had wondered into a small clearing and fell. Whatever energy that had dragged his broken body around the city had finally run dry.

Making sure that no one was around, Fate landed near the boy and slowly walked towards him. The boy looked like hell. His clothes were still torn from the battle yesterday, and his face was flushed with fever. It was a pitiful sight, and it baffled Fate that this was the same boy that had created that hell with the Jewel Seed. That this was the same boy that had just beaten Arf and promised to save her.

She stared at the boy in front of her and shook her head. "Just who are you going to save?" The girl pushed the thought to the back of her mind. She gathered magical energy into Bardiche before raising it above the boy.

Lightning danced in the sky as Fate made her choice.

"Fate, you brought him back?" Arf was surprised. Wasn't she supposed to leave him there? Was there another change in the script?

Fate carried the boy to her bed and laid him gently down on the bed.

"My hug pillow." She wrapped her arms around the boy and sighed happily.

Arf just sweatdropped as the Director threw his arms in the air in defeat.

BLEEP

A wasteland of iron and blood. That was the land that he found himself in.

No matter how far he looked, there was no sign of any life. The air was thick with the smell of iron and smog to the point where a normal person would find it difficult to breathe. However, the air didn't bother him at all; in fact, it was almost soothing in a way that escaped him completely. It felt like he belonged here, but he couldn't see how anything belonged in this desolate place.

The boy followed the spiraling smog into the twilight sky and watched as it suddenly shifted to show a series of large gears rotating in the sky before shifting back again. The boy turned his sight from the shifting sky to ground. The sight of the barren land caused a hollow feeling in the boy. He knew instinctively that the land was not meant to be empty, that there was something that needed to be here. But he couldn't tell what belonged.

So the boy wandered, hoping to find what was missing from the land, and in turn what was missing from himself.

He spent an eternity wandering the endless land with the grinding gears in the sky as his only companion, and yet there was no fear of death; there was no despair at the chance of finding nothing. He had chosen this path. There would be no giving up, or losing his path.

Eventually, his search bore fruit. He had only found two objects stuck into the ground, but he knew that they were what belonged here.

Small hands wrapped around the leather hilts and a smile crawled over his face. In the lifeless ground of iron and blood, the boy found a single pair of swords. A small drop fell into the endless void within him.

It was a start.

"Hey, what's over there?" Shirou let go of the swords to go find what caught his vision. His vision followed a glint of light until he found a pile of weapons just sitting there behind a hill. There was even a sign next to them

"Huh, property of il-esh, huh I wonder who that is. Oh well, free swords for me."

"Cut! I thought I told you to clean up all the swords, not just throw them into a pile!"

"Hey, Shirou, don't play with those. I borrowed those, do not damage them!"

BLEEP

He woke up in an odd room. It looked like something you would see out of a movie that was set in the far future. It was a rather dark room, with fancy machines littering the room and odd screens on the walls.

*BeepBeepBeep*

"Ah…" The boy looked around at the room in confusion. It was an unfamiliar room and it appeared rather complicated. Various machines were set up, and he could see some screens on the walls that had...stuff that he couldn't make heads or tails of.

"You're awake." Shirou turned his head to the side to see a brown haired girl that looked older than he. She quickly wrote something down on a clipboard before flashing a friendly smile in his direction. "It looks like the operation was a success."

"Operation?" Shirou repeated in confusion. He couldn't remember being hurt.
The girl nodded. "Yep, you were too weak and this show is about Magical Girls, so we gave you a sex change operation."

"What?" Shirou panicked as the girl placed a mirror in front of him. In the reflection was a definite female version of him, long red hair and all.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

...

"I think he's having a nightmare." Nanoha sighed as Shirou's face scrunched up in pain again. She and Yuuno were passing the time watching Shirou sleep.

"Probably something to do with that fire and swords." Yuuno commented.

Ha, Shirou wishes...

BLEEP

"Your father wasn't too happy that you got kidnapped." Yuuno laughed nervously. "And well, he interrogated us for information."

{Flashback}

It was such a sudden change. The man had seemed tired and sickly when Yuuno first saw him. He had this tired smile on his face when he saw Nanoha, like he expected something like this to happen. He took the unconscious Shirou pretty well too, though he had an odd expression when he saw the boy's face contorted in pain.

The change happened when Nanoha explained about the Jewel Seeds and how Shirou wouldn't wake up. The exhaustion seemed to fade away, only to be replaced with a cold emotionless expression that made Yuuno shiver when he recalled it. The man pressed them both for information with a cold professionalism that seemed to clash with the man that had greeted them at the door.

When they were finished, Kiristugu just sat there for a few moments, contemplating. Yuuno could tell that the man was calculating what had happened and what options he could follow. Whatever kind of job that this man had, Yuuno could tell that it was one that this man excelled at. Then the professionalism was gone. The man sighed deeply and ran a hand through his unkept hair.

"Damnit, not again."

"Bweh?" Nanoha blinked in confusion.

"Shirou got kidnapped again, must be a Tuesday."

"Actually, it's Thursday. He got Kidnapped a few days ago."

"Does... does this happen a lot?" Nanoha recalled that Shirou seemed to go missing from school a few times a month.

"Several times. Mostly after school when he's at track practice. Some princess or rich heir sees him jumping that bar and bam, kidnapped." Kiritsugu sighed as he started to pack some guns into a bag.

"Cut! Kiritsugu, what did I tell you about improvising!"

BLEEP

Chrono vs. Shirou Bloopers

At that signal, Chrono raised his staff and Shirou held his hands out to grasp empty air.

"Ready?" Yuuno had been appointed the match referee. They wanted a neutral party, and the blonde boy had seemed the best choice.

The processes for Shirou's Projections had changed. The first time he had attempted to Project swords again, he had failed pretty badly. The Projection had been empty and useless. It was nothing like the swords he had been dreaming about, nothing like the swords he remembered. The process for recreating those swords was slightly different than he was used to. With some help from Kiritsugu he had slowly worked out the correct method.

The seven steps were:

Judge the concept of creation, hypothesize the basic structure, duplicate the composition material, imitate the skill of its making, sympa... sympa... something about growing?

"How did it go again?"

"Go!"

Shirou's eyes widened at Yuuno's voice. "No wait, I don't remembe-"

"Break Impulse."

A reinforced magical staff slammed into Shriou's head right before a pillar of magical energy erupted beneath him and consumed his body.

Shirou groaned from his place on the floor after the pyre of magical energy faded. "Line..."

The director sighed. "Get the medical team out here. And would somebody teach Shirou his magic already!"

BLEEP

The two boys stayed there for a moment locked in a battle of strength before Chrono made a move.

The glimmer of purple in the corner of his eye was all the warning Shirou got. The sword that was stuck in Chrono's grip was abandoned and Shirou broke away for room to dodge. Chrono tossed the abandoned sword away and finished his spell. An array of small purple energy orbs were fired at the retreating swordsman.

Shirou tracked every blast as they came towards him, trying to deflect them with his weapon. The loss of his second sword meant that there were too many shots to handle. Half of the array were dodged or deflected, but the other half slammed into him and sent him careening into one of the training room walls. The impact kicked up a cloud of dust.

Chrono watched the smoke cloud wearily. That should have been enough to take out a non-shielded civilian, but from what the ferret had reported, Emiya Shirou had a ridiculously high tolerance for pain.

A few moments passed but nothing happened. Eventually, the dust cleared and everyone developed sweat drops at the sight.

Emiya Shirou would have asked for help, but the swords growing out of his body were making it hard to speak words.

One of Chrono's attacks had hit the Sealing Device and cracked it open.

"Cut! Someone get a new Sealing Device and make sure this one is sturdy!"

If you looked closely at the broken Device on Shirou's arm, you would see that the outer casing was made of cardboard.

"Freaking budget cuts..."

BLEEP

"Stinger Blade Execution Shift."

Chrono called up his ultimate spell. Hundreds of magical blades appeared in front of him.

"Oh yeah, I can do that too!" Shirou cried out defiantly. "Full Trace!"

Hundreds of mundane swords were projected in front of Shirou, one for every magical blade that Chrono called out.

The director facepalmed. "Shirou, remember that talk we had about your limits?"

Shirou twitched and fell to the ground in a seizure as his nerves were set on fire, a side effect of burning out his magic circuits by summoning too many swords with a single Magic Circuit.

"Yeah, I didn't think so. Somebody get the medical team back on here."

BLEEP

He Sees it as a Weapon, by Heroslayer

Originally posted on January 18th, 2012

"Blaze Cannon."

The fiery bombardment spell washed over Shirou like a... well like the giant ass magical beam it was. It was very, very painful. He had thought about going the Kiritsugu route in ending this fight. Cheat like a sonovabitch, but he felt like he needed to send a message. A painful message.

So he was going to use the most feared object that he knew of.

And no, it wasn't fire.

Or swords.

The attack had cleared most of the smoke from the area, but Chrono's spell had engulfed Shirou in another dust cloud. Everyone was sure that the attack had signaled the end of the match. Nanoha was fretting like the mother hen she would become and Kiritsugu was swearing because there was no reason that Shirou should have been hit by that attack with the speeds he could move at.

Everyone's thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a loud roar.

For a few people it was a very familiar roar. Kiritsugu pressed his palm to his face rather hard while Iris tilted her head in delighted confusion.

Nanoha flinched at the vaguely familiar sound and Yuuno only groaned from his place as his brilliant mind placed the object with the noise.

Chrono was staring at the dust cloud in complete confusion. He was expecting a counter attack and a dozen different scenario's were flashing through his mind.

None of them involved a Mercedes SL300 "Gullwing" ramming into him at high speeds.

Everyone simply stared at the boy in complete shock before turning their head to stare at the dazed Chrono who had a car on top of him.

Irisviel broke the silence by laughing like crazy.

Lindy stared at Kiritsugu and made a vague gesture The Magus Killer guess she wanted an explanation. He really couldn't give one so he just shrugged.

"Well, a win's a win I guess."