Chapter 43 – A Light in the Darkness

The boy was dead before Teela could do anything. Satine watched as the father's knees gave way and the man slumped, his face contorted into a silent scream and covered with tears. Her heart broke as she forced herself to avert her gaze and look at Obi-Wan instead.

The commlink still beeped on his wrist.

The jedi had closed himself off the second they had met Teela. Was it something she had said? For a brief moment he had seemed so incredibly sad, but just as quickly as the expression had appeared, it had disappeared again.

I called him my husband. Is that what it was? Was that what had affected him? The two of them had never talked about marriage before. And yet the desire - at least for her - had always been there somewhere.

He stared ahead with a blank gaze, his breath coming in short gasps. Obi-Wan's posture was rigid, he looked like he was frozen on his spot. His fingers twitched as extremely as they had shortly after he had woken up from the coma. Satine had seen him like this only once - years before on Mandalore. It had been at the beginning of the Clone Wars. Obi-Wan had visited her for a few days and they had attended a small festival that had taken place in Sundari at that time. The evening had been quiet. They had looked at some of the attractions together, had laughed – had forgotten their duties for a moment and who they were. Reality had brought them back faster than they would have liked. The highlight of the evening had been fireworks.

She had thought nothing of it, thought he would have fun watching this colorful spectacle. When the first rockets exploded in the sky, it was as if a switch had been flipped in Obi-Wan's head. From one second to the next, the smile was gone from his face. He had flinched violently and on his face was written that expression of panic and fear that Satine had not forgotten to this day.

PTSD. That day Satine had realized that he suffered from it. Probably since his youth.

Now he had the same expression on his face again. Satine quickly stepped forward and grabbed his wrists, trying to pull him out of his trance.

"Ben," she tried, but he wasn't even paying attention to her. Cursing softly, she deactivated the commlink on his arm, hoping this wasn't their only opportunity to connect to Coruscant. Then she moved her hands up to his cheeks and carefully turned his head to face her, making him look directly at her.

"Obi-Wan," she whispered scarcely audible, "Come on, look at me."

His eyes, storm-gray, streaked with a faint glint of blue and amber, found hers, unseeing, before he turned his head down in her hands and he squeezed his eyelids shut. To her relief, his breathing slowed and the trembling finally lessened.

"I'm sorry," he breathed and lightly grabbed her hands, removing them from his cheeks. Satine just shook her head shallowly and stepped back a little to give him some space. She watched how he ran his hands over his face, a little careless of his nose, and then let them rest beneath his chin until he let them drop again.

Outside, the next shots rang out and both Ahsoka and Satine found their eyes fixed on the jedi master.

"What do we do now?" the Padawan asked cautiously.

Obi-Wan's expression was steely as he pondered. They had no weapons. At least none they could use openly. Satine knew it would be fatal if they revealed themselves as jedi. At that moment, Teela stepped out of the small treatment room and closed the door behind her to give the grieving father some privacy.

Her tired eyes found Obi-Wan's and Satine watched his eyes widen in recognition, locked on Teela.

"You're Force-sensitive," he murmured.

The healer gave a thin smile and nodded. "I was wondering when you would notice. Master Kenobi, right? It was not enough for admission to the Jedi Order, but enough that I can make use of my abilities. I could no longer help the boy - only ease his pain."

Obi-Wan frowned and crossed his arms in front of his chest, "You've recognized me all along."

Satine instantly knew he was frustrated.

The old woman sighed and moved towards a hatch in the floor. "I didn't want to alarm you. It's been a long time and I really wasn't sure at first if it was really you. But now that I have looked at you more closely, I am."

With a jerk that seemed surprisingly powerful for such an old woman, she opened the hatch. "The droids will be here soon. They'll want the medicine supplies."

Satine watched as she pulled an outdated rifle and two small blasters from the compartment and tossed the large weapon to Obi-Wan, who caught it out of the air in confusion.

"I think you know how to use this," she explained, loading the blasters in her hands.

Teela was right. Obi-Wan was an excellent marksman. On the run from the bounty hunters, that had been an advantage for them more than once. Although Satine had known that both Jedi were only trying to protect her life, she hadn't been able to look him in the eye afterwards. She always saw the dead people they had left in their path.

Obi-Wan looked uncomfortable and wrinkled his nose briefly, but said nothing and expertly readied the weapon. After he finished, he looked apologetically at Satine for a moment, as if he had sensed her thoughts, and then turned to Teela.

"Even if we take out these droids now, more will come. Especially if they learn of the unexpected resistance," he spoke, "And under no circumstances must they recognize us."

With a clack, the healer closed the hiding place again and faced Obi-Wan resolutely. "We have no other choice. I don't know about you, but I'm not going to let any more innocent people die… that's what the jedi are there for, aren't they?", she grabbed a black scarf from a cabinet and tossed it to him, "Wrap that around you. That should be enough to keep those tin heads from recognizing you."

Teela picked up the remaining two blasters and looked first at Satine, then at Ahsoka. "Do either of you know how to shoot?"

Violence had never been an option for her. Satine had always fought for that. Even now she was unwilling to take one of the weapons.

Next to her, Ahsoka shifted uncomfortably. She had to be aware that she could not shoot with her hand. From the short time Satine had known the Togruta, she knew that the teenager was bubbling over with ambition. A fighting spirit without equal, which she had certainly inherited from her master. And he from his.

She was about to say something when suddenly Obi-Wan took one of the blasters from Teela's hand and pushed it unceremoniously in Satine's direction. "Just take it," he argued, "You can be mad at me later."

Satine gave him a sour look, but not even the slightest emotion showed on his face. Because of the scarf he had wrapped around himself, only his hair and eyes were visible. Normally, she could read his eyes like a book, but now she ran into an impassable wall there. She knew this was the only logical move. Obi-Wan knew she could at least shoot a little. After all, she was a Mandalorian.

"Fine," she hissed, snatching the weapon from his hands.

This was not over yet. They both knew that.

"You two should go to the back," Teela shooed them, "be ready in case the droids break through."

Obi-Wan turned to Ahsoka and took the commlink from his wrist, then placed it in her hands. "You know what you have to do," he said in a determined voice, "I trust you, Ahsoka."

Satine didn't know what he meant with that, but the girl gave a tight nod in response.

One last time she tried to catch Obi-Wan's gaze, but he didn't look at her. Satine bit her lips, wanting to say something, but the words escaped her grasp. Instead, she put a hand between Ahsoka's shoulder blades and they disappeared back into the small treatment room where the father was still mourning his son.

The sound of the door slamming into the lock sounded almost final. His bad feeling had come true once again. He should have used the Force to identify the danger. The boy would not have had to die.

"Trouble in Paradise?" the healer asked gently as Obi-Wan weighed the rifle in his hands, trying to suppress the memories it stirred up in him. He couldn't afford to succumb to his trauma again.

'We're not even married.' And yet they had more fights than he could count.

"That's an understatement," he grumbled absently, "It's more like a fundamental disagreement."

"I see," Teela looked at him knowingly, "My husband and I have found each other at odds a lot of times. As a healer, I always tried to prevent the violence. But my husband – he was a soldier. I think sometimes he forgot what peace felt like."

"Did you two get over it at some point?" asked Obi-Wan. Of course, he tried to understand Satine. Sometimes he just wished she would do the same for him. His gaze fell on the gun in his hand. He had never been a supporter of violence; he had always tried to settle the situations through talks. Even with the enemy he had tried to negotiate. And yet it felt like Satine saw exactly that in him - a man of violence and weapons.

"Not really." The healer sighed and rummaged through a drawer. "I think at some point we accepted each other for who we are. At least that's what we tried to do. That's how I learned to shoot and how he learned a little bit about the methods of medicine."

That was exactly where Obi-Wan believed they would mercilessly fail. Satine would never accept even the slightest bit of violence - and him? He found himself with his hands on a gun in the end, even if he didn't want to.

Teela reappeared in front of him and held out a pair of gloves. "Here. So you don't burn yourself again when the gun overheats," she pointed to the barely visible burn scars on his fingers. As a child, they had covered almost his entire skin there. Growing up, the scar had faded and become smaller, so that he himself had begun to forget about it.

"How do you know I burned myself on a rifle?"

"I've tended to a lot of wounds like that," she looked him in the eye as he took the gloves from her hand, "although yours are really small. Either you were lucky or you received them as a child."

"I was thirteen," was all Obi-Wan offered as he laid aside the rifle and put on the gloves.

He felt Teela look at him in surprise, and a hint of indignation streaked through the Force. "I didn't realize the Jedi taught their children to shoot so early. A gun like that is heavy - kids can hardly stand safely with it, after all. Not to mention, it's irresponsible."

And there it was again. The famous accusation. It was true, the war had landed far too many padawans on the battlefields too soon. Not to mention the fact that the kids weren't even supposed to be there. A battlefield was no place for the young ones. Nevertheless, it was decided that every helping hand was needed at the front. And how he had hated that decision. Obi-Wan had fought vehemently to keep the children off the battlefields. He knew firsthand what that did to the children. Even as an adult one did not process such things easily. But children? The realization of what they had seen out there often came much later. And those were the memories that ate into the memory and manifested themselves into nightmares. His voice had fallen on deaf ears. The senate - more precisely Palpatine - had taken this decision from them.

He sighed and returned her cold stare. "You shouldn't judge until you know the whole story," he bit out, concealing his anger behind a well-trained mask, "Shooting isn't part of our training. I've been forced to learn it away from the Jedi."

He picked up the rifle again and adjusted the scope as he continued to speak. "The weapon may be heavy – but you don't have to stand steady when you've got a wall at your back."

For a moment, his hands became those of a child again and he found himself not in a hut on Alderaan, but in the tunnels on Melida/Daan; cornered, trying to keep the enemy at bay. His fingers twitched again.

"Is there a way to get to the roof from here?" Obi-Wan asked instead, trying not to think about it further.

He knew Teela was taken aback by his little outburst because she was staring at him with wide eyes, but he didn't care. Tilting his head, he raised an eyebrow in anticipation.

"So?"

"No," she stumbled over her own words, "You'll have to climb up from the outside."

"Fine." Obi-Wan eyed a small window in the back. It had to be enough for him to get outside unseen. "Hold the door. I'll try to keep them at a distance."

Having said that, he made his way over to the old, blind window and hooked his fingers underneath the splintered wooden frame, pulling it open so he could squeeze himself through. His leg hurt again as he twisted his body and landed on the other side with a thud. Obi-Wan crouched down and held himself close to the hut's walls, observing the area. Leaning around the corner, he saw the droids come through the center of the camp. There were many of them. Divided into groups of four, they broke into the tents and shelters, tearing the occupants out into the street. Most were too frightened to resist, but those who did, like the father's boy, quickly met their end in the dirt. Obi-Wan gritted his teeth. How he would love to just draw his lightsaber and put an end to these machines. But with only a rifle and on the offensive, he would not be able to do it alone. Even with Teela behind him, it was almost impossible. He needed a better plan. As quietly as possible, he pulled himself up onto the unstable-looking roof of the house and lay flat on his stomach to avoid the enemy's eye. While he was thinking, an idea occurred to him. Maybe he could try to lure the droids away. Into a trap. His eyes fell on a large ruin at the end of the road, probably an old barn. If he managed to lure the droids in there, he could bring the building down and bury them that way.

If I believed in it, now it would be a good time for me to wish for luck.

He blew out a breath and checked the gun in his hands once again. Three magazines. That was all he got. One shot, one hit. That would take out maybe half the droids. The rest had to walk into the trap.

I am one with the Force and the Force is with me.

His breathing slowed as he took aim. The scope was not in the best condition, scratched by age and storage, but he would hit his targets even without it. He just had to remember that these were droids he was shooting at. Not humans - and there were no desperate children cowering behind him.

Focus, Kenobi.

Drawing his strength from the Force, Obi-Wan picked his first targets. Four droids, dragging a woman with two small children outside. Blind as they were, the clankers noticed the attack too late. The moment they collapsed to the ground in a pile of scrap metal, the mother grabbed her two children and bolted back into the house, slamming the door behind her. Of course, the remaining droids had heard his shots. They instantaneously shifted their focus from the villagers to him.

"There, on the roof!"

"Blast him!"

"Roger, Roger."

Obi-Wan smirked behind his scarf. "That's right. Come and get me."

Shot after shot, he mowed them down. The weapon in his hands became almost weightless, only the heat of the overloaded cooling system got through to him. The red blaster bullets whirred past his ears, some of them scorching the ends of his hair. When the droids finally came closer, he began to move. Rolling to the side, he dropped down the side of the hut and took cover behind a cart. A quick glance at the houses told him that most of the people had now barricaded themselves inside. Here and there a pair of eyes peeked through the window panes or wooden planks.

Obi-Wan breathed a sigh of relief. Fortunately, droids were predictable. Now he just had to make his way to the barn. That meant he had to get down the street. And there was no cover there. He knew he wasn't the fastest at the moment, but this was his only chance. Against his better judgment, he used the Force and strengthened his leg, numbing the pain in the process. One last time he peeked out from behind the cart and shot down the droids closest to him. Then he swung the rifle on his back and ran. His feet flew over the mud, behind him the clankers. He heard the gunfire chasing him. Some nearly hit him, others churned up the dirt in front of him, leaving it steaming and smelling burnt. Clenching his jaw, he resisted the reflex to block the shots with his lightsaber. Instead, he kept hitting hooks and again increased his speed with the Force, but not so much that his pursuers would notice.

Almost there.

With a final sprint, he reached the marred building and squeezed through the crooked sliding doors that stood ajar. Inside was the picture he had suspected. Most of the supporting pillars had collapsed. Only one was still standing in the middle, which seemed to hold the entire structure together. A few of the roof panels had already fallen down and now and then more small parts crumbled down.

I have to watch my step,' Obi-Wan thought to himself, climbing over the debris as he headed for the pillar. The droids were close on his heels. Without much thought, he took his lightsaber from his belt and used it to cut the support pillar a good bit. Satisfied with his work, he put the weapon away again and went into waiting position. Hiding in the shadows, he jumped up and crouched on a roof beam near a small opening in the barn wall. Like a predator waiting for its prey, he watched as the droids ran into their death trap. They did not see him. Silently, he counted the tin heads, his fingers drumming softly on the rifle's scope. Twenty-six. None more, none less.

He rose from his position and stood in the opening so that, with the sun at his back, only his silhouette could be seen from below. Aiming the rifle at the sawn pillar, he whistled through his teeth. The droids that still looked up only saw the volley of blue blaster bolts that shattered the pillar next to them.

Obi-Wan stood still for a moment, wiggling his fingers in a gloating salute, before using the Force to finish off the maroon building and leaping out the hatch.

He felt nothing as his feet hit the muddy ground again. Behind him, the barn collapsed with a loud crash, kicking up a large cloud of dust. Should he be relieved? There was only this emptiness. The ringing in his head. The mist he still wasn't able to get rid of. Dragging his feet, he walked over to a fallen tree trunk and dropped down, the gun at his feet. He tried to rub the dust out of his eyes - or maybe the weariness that surged through him again.

Footsteps approached him and Obi-Wan looked up through bleary eyes to find himself facing Satine, with Ahsoka in tow. The blaster still hung on her hip. A small smile crossed his otherwise tired expression.

"Somehow I expected you to throw it from you at the first opportunity," he muttered wearily.

Satine just snorted and sat down next to him. "It wouldn't have the same effect if you didn't see it."

"Well then, my eyes are all yours. Feel free." He motioned to the large pile of rubble in front of them.

"It's not the same now," she replied, scrunching her nose and a playful grin on her face.

"It's not?"

"No."

"It almost has a philosophical feel to it."

Satine chuckled and shot him a look. "You're talking nonsense. Did you hit your head or something?"

"My head's fine. But thanks for asking." Obi-Wan ran a hand through his hair and then let it rest on his neck. "We should get going."

With cracking knees, he stood up and slung the rifle over his back. His foot started to sting nastily again and he had to suppress a sharp intake of air. Slowly, he stepped next to Ahsoka, who was worryingly quiet.

"Are you all right?" he asked, searching her gaze.

Her blue eyes looked up at him briefly before sinking back to the floor.

"I-... I don't know. It's just …. it caught me off-guard."

"You know if you want to talk about it, I'm here for you."

She nodded curtly. "I know. Later... okay?"

"As you wish." Obi-Wan put his hand on her shoulder and turned to Satine, who was now standing behind them.

"Let's go."

Together they returned to the street, where Teela and some of the residents were already waiting for them. Without waiting long, Obi-Wan stepped forward and held out the rifle to the healer.

"Here, this is yours."

Teela smiled and shook her head. "Keep it. I can't really shoot with it, and it'll be more use to you protecting your family."

My family, yes.

"Thank you," he tilted his head slightly and pressed his lips together, though one couldn't see it through the scarf.

The elderly woman spared a moment to look at the other refugees around them. "I think I speak on behalf of everyone here. We owe you a great debt of gratitude. Without you, they would have taken everything from us and there would have been more deaths. If you need anything, let us know."

Obi-Wan glanced briefly at Satine. "You do not need to thank me. If you could spare a medkit and some supplies for us, that would help a lot."

"Of course, I'll see what I can do."

They were given a few supplies, which they gratefully accepted. Last but not least, Teela handed Obi-Wan a medkit, but before he could take it, she briefly grabbed his hand.

"You were right about what you said earlier. I was too quick to judge. And I'm sorry. Take care of yourself and your family."

With that, she let go of him and took a step back. Obi-Wan studied the old woman again. She would have made a good jedi; he was sure of it. "I will. Thank you for everything, Teela."

He began to stow the medkit, then slung the backpack on his back along with the rifle. Before heading off to reach Satine and Ahsoka, he turned to Teela once more.

"You should prepare the people in case the droids come back."

"I know", she sighed and directed her gaze towards the camp, where people were already starting to clean up the traces of the attack, "We've been blind and ignorant for too long. The Empire is the reason many of us lost their home – and their families. I promise you; they won't catch us off guard again... And I think we have enough weapons now." Her voice was filled with determination as she pointed at the pile of rubble that had once been the barn, where a few bits and pieces of the destroyed droids flashed out.

"Then I won't keep you any longer."

He bowed his head briefly and then motioned to his two companions, who had the rest of the supplies with them.

"May the Force be with you." It was spoken almost so softly that he barely heard it, but still this phrase that had been with him all his life reached his ears. He stopped in his tracks and turned his head over his shoulders. Teela was still standing there, her hands folded in the sleeves of her robe.

"And with you as well," he whispered back.

Without looking back another time, he caught up with Satine and Ahsoka. Obi-Wan spent the rest of the journey in silence, too lost in his own thoughts, but neither woman seemed to mind.

a few hours later

Evening had set in and again Obi-Wan found himself in his new declared favorite spot. The wooden stairs on the porch. The moment of silence was balm for his soul. He did not succeed to meditate; he was too restless himself and also the Force was still an untamable whirlwind. Instead, he closed his eyes and tried to listen to nature.

Wind. Animals. Footsteps. Footsteps?

Obi-Wan opened his eyes and only now noticed Satine.

"Did I disturb you?" she asked quietly, pulling her cloak tighter around her to protect herself from the wind.

"No." He slid over a little to make room for her. "Sit down, if you like."

Graceful as ever, she settled down next to him. "I wanted to talk to you," she began, pulling her legs up against her torso.

Bracing himself with his hands on the step behind him, he leaned back slightly. "About what?"

"About earlier."

"You'll have to be a little more specific, my dear. A lot happened today." Obi-Wan definitely didn't want to talk about his panic attack. This day had stirred up enough memories for him, there was no need to poke at that wound any further.

Satine suddenly looked uncertain and shifted on her spot, kneading her fingers. "When we arrived at Teela's... I introduced you as my husband."

"Yes." A feeling of dread spread through his stomach.

"You suddenly looked like someone had pulled the floor out from under you."

Obi-Wan screwed up his face and leaned forward again, resting his arms on his knees. "I'm sorry. You just caught me off guard."

"Is the idea that repulsive to you?"

"What?" he gaped, jerking his head around so fast he almost got sick and leapt to his feet. "What - what makes you think that?"

Both stared at each other with wide eyes.

"What makes you think that?", he whispered again, mortified; his eyes glazed over.

The terror that crossed his features made Satine regret that she had doubted him even for a second. But she had to know.

She swallowed and looked him in the face. "I don't know, Obi. Your reaction? Your closed-mindedness? Sometimes I don't recognize you. I feel like I'm losing you. And that scares me."

Obi-Wan inhaled and squeezed his eyes shut. When he exhaled again, his shoulders slumped visibly. His voice was heavy as he spoke. "I don't even recognize myself anymore. Too much has happened - and somewhere along the line I lost my way."

When he opened his eyes, there was that infinite sadness and helplessness again. "You're still one of the few people who kept me going, Satine. The thought that maybe one day I could grow old in peace with you by my side...was the most beautiful one I've had in a long time."

"Obi-Wan, I-."

He held up his hand and she stopped with what she was going to say.

"The truth is… I've wanted to marry you for a very long time."

Looking away, he gave a weak laugh. "Blast, you should have seen Anakin's face when I told him about this. He wouldn't leave me alone after that."

He scratched the scar on his temple and looked at her again. "I guess somewhere I wanted to do something right at least once. But that's where I failed again."

She was speechless. Did he really think so little of himself? He was so much more. Though her legs felt unsteady, she stood up to face him, taking his hands into hers. She didn't need him to be perfect, she needed him to be himself – with all his strengths and flaws.

"How about you just ask me now?"

His eyes grew large and twitched. "You're kidding."

"I don't see any reason to joke right now."

"Satine, I - I don't even have your ring anymore," he muttered, trying to pull away.

She didn't let go of him. "I don't need a ring," she stated firmly.

He grew still in her grip. "You're serious."

Satine smiled shallowly and nodded. With that, she finally let go of him slowly.

Obi-Wan huffed in disbelief and shook his head. "I can't believe it."

"It would be best if you did."

Obi-Wan ran a hand down his face and blinked at her. "Alright."

And then he actually did it.

A little awkward with the splint on his leg, Obi-Wan Kenobi lowered himself onto his left knee. The wind had ruffled his hair a bit and the bacta patch was still stuck to his nose, but his eyes were shining for once in a long time.

Calmly, he held out his hand. "I know I'm standing here empty handed," he smiled honestly, "But I hope you'll take me anyway... Satine Kryze, will you marry me?"

Her answer would always remain the same.

"Yes. Yes, I will."

It really took them long enough :D

Also there is a quote in this chapter.

"If I believed in it, now it would be a good time for me to wish for luck."

It's from the video game Thief II: The Metal Age and somehow I found it to be fitting as Obi-Wan normally doesn't believe in luck.

Thanks for reading and let me know what you think!